The Gauntlet, by TetRefine

[TetRefine]

Hey everyone,

 

So I figured I'd start a discussion forum for my new story, The Gauntlet. Feel free to discuss anything and everything here. I will also try to reply to everyone who posts in here. Any feedback is greatly appreciated, and hopefully you guys enjoy the story!

 

Chapter 1 can be found here...

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/tetrefine/thegauntlet/1

Edited February 17, 2014 by TetRefine

[Ashi]

Hey Matt.  Love your first story, but you probably knew that.    I love the detail you wove into the story, like the anticipation when the plane was landing, the hard-on at the public bathroom (wow, that's really precise), or how Mark felt guilty about not living up to his parents' legacy.  When I was reading it, I also felt you did a good job describing what was it like on the first day of college.

 

The random encounter at the public bathroom and little peep show at the dorm contributed to the final realization at the end of the story, so the readers can understand why Mark felt so conflicted internally.  It's not sudden.  The feeling had always been latent, with a big wad of denial.  Of course he had had only come across those gay websites out of accident....  Research for social study, maybe? 

 

Honestly, I am not a jock material, but even without any knowledge of lacrosse, I felt the excitment at the end of the story when Bradens won the game.  That was an awesome ending.  Keep it up, Matt.

Edited February 17, 2014 by Ashi

[TetRefine]

Hey Matt.  Love your first story, but you probably knew that.    I love the detail you wove into the story, like the anticipation when the plane was landing, the hard-on at the public bathroom (wow, that's really precise), or how Mark felt guilty about not living up to his parents' legacy.  When I was reading it, I also felt you did a good job describing what was it like on the first day of college.

 

The random encounter at the public bathroom and little peep show at the dorm contributed to the final realization at the end of the story, so the readers can understand why Mark felt so conflicted internally.  It's not sudden.  The feeling had always been latent, with a big wad of denial.  Of course he had had only come across those gay websites out of accident....  Research for social study, maybe? 

 

Honestly, I am not a jock material, but even without any knowledge of lacrosse, I felt the excitment at the end of the story when Bradens won the game.  That was an awesome ending.  Keep it up, Matt.

 

Thanks Ashi! One of my fears (and faults in my previous writing) was that I often didn't include enough detail in setting up and playing up scenes, so its comforting to know I didn't bomb in that regard. For this chapter I really wanted to focus on setting up the reader's understanding of how much in denial Mark is, with the rest just serving as a piece to set him up in those scenarios to show that. Trust me that you'll see it bright and clear in the next chapter how he feels about gay sex and such. And of course he only came across those sites for research! Its not like he's gay or anything.

[LJH]

What kind of music do you hear for this work?

[TetRefine]

Hmm, I never thought about music relating to the story, but maybe I should.

 

 

And I just finished the rough draft of Chapter II, and it will soon the make the rounds to my group of editors! So be on the lookout!

[TetRefine]

Chapter two is now live! 

 

Chapter II: Deviant 

[methodwriter85]

  I thought the part about rap was funny. I remember when I started college I hated rap for the most part, but I kinda came around to party rap because you kinda had to. "The Way I Are" still is my jam from college.

 

   The bit about the Lax bro look was funny...the way you described it sounded more like frat boys, because at UD the guys tended to wear the lax pinnie shirts with basketball shorts and that was kind of the "look", although maybe it's different at parties. I also remember what I used to call the "lacrosse hair", which was this Jim Halpert kind of "winged hair" look...I remember most of the lacrosse guys I knew tended towards shaggy hair.

Edited February 24, 2014 by methodwriter85

[TetRefine]

  I thought the part about rap was funny. I remember when I started college I hated rap for the most part, but I kinda came around to party rap because you kinda had to. "The Way I Are" still is my jam from college.

 

   The bit about the Lax bro look was funny...the way you described it sounded more like frat boys, because at UD the guys tended to wear the lax pinnie shirts with basketball shorts and that was kind of the "look", although maybe it's different at parties. I also remember what I used to call the "lacrosse hair", which was this Jim Halpert kind of "winged hair" look...I remember most of the lacrosse guys I knew tended towards shaggy hair.

 

I was the same way Jeremy. I absolutely hated rap coming into college, but learned to tolerate it because there wasn't any other choice at parties. Now that I frequent bars/clubs far more then house parties, I have found my tolerance for it has decreased back to pre-college levels.  

 

For lax bros, you are right with the whole penny-wearing trend, although from my observations it has decreased some recently. I've found that when going out, "lax-bro" types tend to dress very similar to the fraternity style because I think their cultures overlap quite a bit. Both lacrosse and fraternities are bastions of American conservative white privilege.

 

As for the hair, there is definitely the stereotype of the "bro-flow", and it is quite common, although not as common as many would have you believe. My brother had that style hair back in high school when he played. Although Mark comes from a upper-class New England family where conservative, non-flashy haircuts are the norm, even in a sub-culture like lacrosse. You'll find a little more about his background in the next chapter that will explain some of that. 

[slug]

Another great chapter Matt.  You make the characters feel very real so it's easy to get into your story.  A cliff hanger all ready!

[methodwriter85]

   Interesting. It seems like the lax pinnie look is instead getting replaced with the funky tank top look. Hmm. (I'm pretty well-versed in college wear from about 2005 to 2012, but of course time marches on.)

[TetRefine]

Another great chapter Matt.  You make the characters feel very real so it's easy to get into your story.  A cliff hanger all ready!

 

Thanks! I'm glad you feel the characters are coming alive. I've never written a character-heavy story before, so its good to know I'm not completely bombing it.

 

   Interesting. It seems like the lax pinnie look is instead getting replaced with the funky tank top look. Hmm. (I'm pretty well-versed in college wear from about 2005 to 2012, but of course time marches on.)

 

Yeah, the neon-colored tank top look is definitely a thing now. I slipped that in in my first chapter. And honestly, I like the tank top look better then the whole lax-penny thing. Its classier, and hotter on well-built guys in my opinion. Also another big thing is snapback hats. Not just with bro types, but a lot of different guys. 

[methodwriter85]

   I remember it being a pretty overwhelming look when I was at Firefly Music Festival '13.

 

    Beards, undercuts, and letter-writing tattoos also seem like a thing now.

[TetRefine]

   I remember it being a pretty overwhelming look when I was at Firefly Music Festival '13.

 

    Beards, undercuts, and letter-writing tattoos also seem like a thing now.

 

Yeah, you go to any music fest or concert in the summer of modern groups and its like an orgasm of neon for as far as the eye can see. It was like that at Made in America here in Philly. 

 

Another interesting trend that is slowly dying out is guys with their ears pierced. I remember my freshman college class and the class after me it was common for guys to have their ears pierced, especially both. But I noticed starting with last year's freshman, and especially this year's that its nowhere near as common as it was when I was a freshman or sophomore. I wonder what happened?

[Graeme]

Another interesting trend that is slowly dying out is guys with their ears pierced. I remember my freshman college class and the class after me it was common for guys to have their ears pierced, especially both. But I noticed starting with last year's freshman, and especially this year's that its nowhere near as common as it was when I was a freshman or sophomore. I wonder what happened?

Hey, that's an easy one. Those freshman just don't want to look like the old guys. They want their own look, not copy the ancients like yourself

[methodwriter85]

Hmm. I don't know if I noticed the ear-piercing thing. I still see a lot of guys wearing gauges, especially hipster or punkish types. But I don't see the guy wearing simple diamond studs as much as I used to, yes.

 

I was in college for 7 years including grad, so I saw a lot of things come and go. I remember when I started college in '05, it was candy-colored polo shirts and cargo shorts. Then pastels gave way to neon at some point, and it's been that way since the late '00s. And cargo shorts seemed to disappear and get replaced with shorter, more fitted shorts.

[TetRefine]

Hey, that's an easy one. Those freshman just don't want to look like the old guys. They want their own look, not copy the ancients like yourself

 

Ouch, way to make a 22 year old feel old in one punch. But I guess compared to the 18 year old freshies I'm an old geezer.

 

Hmm. I don't know if I noticed the ear-piercing thing. I still see a lot of guys wearing gauges, especially hipster or punkish types. But I don't see the guy wearing simple diamond studs as much as I used to, yes.

 

I was in college for 7 years including grad, so I saw a lot of things come and go. I remember when I started college in '05, it was candy-colored polo shirts and cargo shorts. Then pastels gave way to neon at some point, and it's been that way since the late '00s. And cargo shorts seemed to disappear and get replaced with shorter, more fitted shorts.

 

I think gauges are a fad too. There is going to be a lot of regret in 5 years when they all have to get those massive, ugly holes sown up in their ears haha. And thank god cargo shorts went away, they are so damn ugly because of how baggy most guys wear them. 

[Graeme]

Ouch, way to make a 22 year old feel old in one punch. But I guess compared to the 18 year old freshies I'm an old geezer.

I have it on good authority (my thirteen-year-old son) that twenty is old....

 

Interestingly, I've still noticed a lot of pierced ears on the boys at my sons' school, so it's always possible that the fashion will come back -- I believe it's called being retro

[TetRefine]

I have it on good authority (my thirteen-year-old son) that twenty is old....

 

Interestingly, I've still noticed a lot of pierced ears on the boys at my sons' school, so it's always possible that the fashion will come back -- I believe it's called being retro

 

Oh yes, retro is in. The 80s have come roaring back, with a slightly modern twist. It makes for interesting clothes. Lets just hope the 90s styles stay dead though. Dear god that was a sad point in fashion.

 

In gay culture, once you turn 30 you might as well be dead so I guess I'll enjoy my 8 years left until I die a 'gay death'. At least I can still be considered young until then.

Edited February 25, 2014 by TetRefine

[methodwriter85]

   I don't know if gauges are really a fad. I knew people wearing them starting around 2001 or so. Then again there were a lot of punks at my school.

[Adam Phillips]

Omg. Can we talk about your story and not let Jeremy lead us into the morass of what's a fad, what's retro, what's nostalgia, what's antique, what's trendy, what's in, what's out, etc., etc., ad vomitum-into-my-lunch?

 

(Sorry, Jeremy. You know I love you/go-insane-with-rolling-my-eyes-over-your-posts.)

 

Anyway...

 

(notice the ellipses without spaces)

 

Yes. I like the story. I like the theme. I like the way you've handled the first two chapters. (For the most part. See upcoming and eventual private message, which you didn't solicit and may wish to ignore altogether).

 

You've done a reasonable job depicting the internal tension Mark is wrestling with; your characters, though minimally sketched so far (which is fine for this point in the story), come across as sympathetic and attractive.  Are they "types"? Sure they are. Are they "stereotypes"? All depends on the ensuing chapters. I don't see any reason that they need be.

 

Most importantly, it "feels" as though you have a story to tell and that your chapters are not just going to be a concatenation of (melo)dramas.

 

Good stories go somewhere. I can't wait to see where this story goes.

 

Anyway, much regards for a job well done so far. You have me hooked; I'll definitely keep reading.

Edited March 1, 2014 by Adam Phillips

[Gene Splicer PHD]

Excuse me.

 

I'M REALLY BUSY THESE DAYS AND DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO READ BUT YOU PEOPLE ARE PUSHING ME INTO THIS STORY AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO GET SUCKED IN SO STOP IT

 

THANKS A HELL OF A LOT MATT

 

Carry on.

[TetRefine]

Omg. Can we talk about your story and not let Jeremy lead us into the morass of what's a fad, what's retro, what's nostalgia, what's antique, what's trendy, what's in, what's out, etc., etc., ad vomitum-into-my-lunch?

 

(Sorry, Jeremy. You know I love you/go-insane-with-rolling-my-eyes-over-your-posts.)

 

Anyway...

 

(notice the ellipses without spaces)

 

Yes. I like the story. I like the theme. I like the way you've handled the first two chapters. (For the most part. See upcoming and eventual private message, which you didn't solicit and may wish to ignore altogether).

 

You've done a reasonable job depicting the internal tension Jason is wrestling with; your characters, though minimally sketched so far (which is fine for this point in the story), come across as sympathetic and attractive.  Are they "types"? Sure they are. Are they "stereotypes"? All depends on the ensuing chapters. I don't see any reason that they need be.

 

Most importantly, it "feels" as though you have a story to tell and that your chapters are not just going to be a concatenation of (melo)dramas.

 

Good stories go somewhere. I can't wait to see where this story goes.

 

Anyway, much regards for a job well done so far. You have me hooked; I'll definitely keep reading.

 

I look forward to the private message. Also, I'm a huge fan of Crosscurrents. Definitely one of my favorite stories on here. Okay so enough of me kissing you're ass.

 

Its interesting because one of the criticisms I got from some in the first chapter was that I spent too much time focusing on Mark's inner struggle, and not enough time moving the story along or sketching out a plot. Its why I wrote out the second chapter with far more dialogue and plot-driving events, rather then just Mark's thoughts. I figure eventually people will just get annoyed with listening to him think.  

 

So far I have a pretty good idea of where I want the story to go, and like you said, I hope to avoid just jumping from drama to drama and instead create an overarching theme/struggle. I'm also trying to avoid the whole "boy meets boy, falls in love, and happy-ever-after" plot line that nauseates me sometimes. Not that there is anything wrong with those, but boy do they get repetitive. 

Excuse me.

 

I'M REALLY BUSY THESE DAYS AND DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO READ BUT YOU PEOPLE ARE PUSHING ME INTO THIS STORY AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO GET SUCKED IN SO STOP IT

 

THANKS A HELL OF A LOT MATT

 

Carry on.

 

Good thing I'm not a prolific chapter poster.  

[Mark Arbour]

Omg. Can we talk about your story and not let Jeremy lead us into the morass of what's a fad, what's retro, what's nostalgia, what's antique, what's trendy, what's in, what's out, etc., etc., ad vomitum-into-my-lunch?

 

(Sorry, Jeremy. You know I love you/go-insane-with-rolling-my-eyes-over-your-posts.)

 

Anyway...

 

(notice the ellipses without spaces)

 

Yes. I like the story. I like the theme. I like the way you've handled the first two chapters. (For the most part. See upcoming and eventual private message, which you didn't solicit and may wish to ignore altogether).

 

You've done a reasonable job depicting the internal tension Jason is wrestling with; your characters, though minimally sketched so far (which is fine for this point in the story), come across as sympathetic and attractive.  Are they "types"? Sure they are. Are they "stereotypes"? All depends on the ensuing chapters. I don't see any reason that they need be.

 

Most importantly, it "feels" as though you have a story to tell and that your chapters are not just going to be a concatenation of (melo)dramas.

 

Good stories go somewhere. I can't wait to see where this story goes.

 

Anyway, much regards for a job well done so far. You have me hooked; I'll definitely keep reading.

 

Who died and made you the fucking expert? 

 

*Reads through Adam's post, grumbling like an old man*  (If the shoe fits...)

 

Pretty much my thoughts.

 

 

Good thing I'm not a prolific chapter poster.

 

I'll bet you could be.  C'mon, catch me bitch!

[TetRefine]

I'll bet you could be.  C'mon, catch me bitch!

 

Between class, an internship, and a seminar, most nights I wanna just go over to my bf's and fuck to finish out the night. Not exactly a schedule conducive to banging out chapters.

Edited March 1, 2014 by TetRefine

[Adam Phillips]

I look forward to the private message. Also, I'm a huge fan of Crosscurrents. Definitely one of my favorite stories on here. Okay so enough of me kissing you're ass.

 

Its interesting because one of the criticisms I got from some in the first chapter was that I spent too much time focusing on Mark's inner struggle, and not enough time moving the story along or sketching out a plot. Its why I wrote out the second chapter with far more dialogue and plot-driving events, rather then just Mark's thoughts. I figure eventually people will just get annoyed with listening to him think.

 

So far I have a pretty good idea of where I want the story to go, and like you said, I hope to avoid just jumping from drama to drama and instead create an overarching theme/struggle. I'm also trying to avoid the whole "boy meets boy, falls in love, and happy-ever-after" plot line that nauseates me sometimes. Not that there is anything wrong with those, but boy do they get repetitive. 

 

Good thing I'm not a prolific chapter poster.

 

First of all, thanks for the kind words about Crosscurrents. And I like having my ass kissed, even just a little.

 

Sorry about getting the name wrong, btw. I went back and changed it in the post. And I don't think you should apologize for how much internal struggle you've given us with Mark. I mean, think about it: That's a huge piece of the story, as you've set it up. It's one of the engines that's gonna drive this thing, if I read you correctly. Now, if you were to be treading the same ground over and over, after a while it would begin to grate. Like the stories where the protagonist is always crying. But I think this internal tension is going to be central to what happens in the story. You've set it up that Mark is going to face massive parental disapproval. And we typically believe that jock culture is homophobic. In reality, I don't think it's any more homophobic than any other demographic group, but who could blame Mark for assuming that? Everybody knows it, right?

 

My point is that you can't just drop that element because you're afraid you'll beat people up with it. Have you ever read Bill Konigsberg's YAF novel Out of the Pocket? If you haven't, you oughta. His gay-quarterback protagonist goes through the same internal conflict, and Bill doesn't shy off from depicting it. You just have to be careful that you don't get pedestrian and repetitive in the way you narrate it. And I think it's natural that as the narrative goes by, it doesn't need to show up in quite the same big way it shows up at the beginning.

 

Chapter 2 does move a little better than Chapter 1, but it's not because you pulled back on the internal tension in Chapter 2. I'll say more about that in private. Anyway, you'd expect the plot to move a little faster after the opening chapter. There's a lot of expository stuff that has to happen at the beginning of most narratives, and what's going on in Mark's head is definitely a part of that. So I don't agree with the people who said you spent too much time in Mark's head in Chapter 1. The amount of time you spent doing that in Chapter 1 actually helped energize Chapter 2, if you understand what I mean.

 

As for boy-meets-boy, etc., yeah, I know, there's a gazillion of them out there that are great for insomnia. But I'm convinced the problem is not that authors keep telling the same tired story; keep in mind that the fundamental things apply as time goes by (Sorry. My mom is a huge Casablanca fan and I probably sucked every line in through the atmosphere when I was a kid). What I'm saying is that there's nothing wrong telling the "same old story," if you can do it in a way that allows the reader to experience those "fundamental things" afresh. Gay narrative is, after all, genre fiction, and that's okay. Beyond that, there isn't a huge variety of available themes to the human story, genre fiction or no, and there isn't much that's new under the sun anywhere. What counts is how you tell the reader what he/she may already know, how you lift up a slice of life/love to him that he will recognize and celebrate (or lament, or fear). Don't worry about being unoriginal or "like all the rest." Worry about arousing indifference in the reader through unimaginative, dead writing. If your story and your characters matter to the reader, how "original" the story is isn't relevant.

Edited March 1, 2014 by Adam Phillips