Trigger The Years Past

[x Trevor x]

Welcome to the discussion forum to Like a Trainwreck's sequel Trigger The Years Past! here you can check for updates from me or leave comments or ask questions. I hope you enjoy the story!

[RolandQ]

I'm not sure how to send this to you, but here is my version of your very hot opening scene:

 

He stood at the beginning of the catwalk that led to a silver metal pole in the center of the stage.  Above him, the ceiling was a pit of darkness, yet he was immersed in a sea of white lights as numerous as stars in the sky.  The room beyond the stage glowed blue and purple with lights that shined down and danced about. The stage itself was transparent, glowing in the same pulsating colors, almost like a lava lamp.  Fog came up from the edges swirling around him.  He was silhouetted against the strobing lights, revealing only the outline of his figure.

Dark Horse by Katy Perry started.  He stepped out into the light wearing a pair of black leather boots with stiletto heels, matching black leather boy shorts tightly hugging his frame revealing smooth legs, and a black tee shirt, ripped off at the midriff, a red heart pierced by an arrow on its front.  His eyes were outlined in black eyeliner, his midriff  dashed in glitter

He timed his entrance to reach the pole as the lyrics began.  Grasping the pole, he leaned back, swinging himself around in time to the music.  Releasing the pole, he approached the edge of the stage swaying his hips as he lowered down to his knees, legs bending and spreading beneath him. He grinned at the couple of guys in the front row, leaning forward as if to kiss each one only to pull back teasingly.

His upper body fell backwards toward the pole, his hands planting onto the stage.  In a single fluid motion, he thrust his legs up to clutch the pole, raising his torso and extending his arms to grab hold, the pole now entwined in his embrace.   He released his legs, lowering them to the stage, swaying his hips as he slid down, his hands lingering on the pole above his head.

At a change in the music, he released the pole, strutting about the stage, click clacking in his boots.  Satisfied that all eyes were on him, he backed onto the pole, grinding to the upbeat chorus.  Moving with the music, he swung his body around the pole holding by his hands, then holding only by his legs.

 

The song and his dance came to their end.  He exited the stage without a backward glance, knowing every desire was focused on him.  A stage hand scooped up the drift of bills accumulated on the stage, tributes to the performance and the fantasies he had aroused.

[x Trevor x]

I'm not sure how to send this to you, but here is my version of your very hot opening scene:

 

He stood at the beginning of the catwalk that led to a silver metal pole in the center of the stage.  Above him, the ceiling was a pit of darkness, yet he was immersed in a sea of white lights as numerous as stars in the sky.  The room beyond the stage glowed blue and purple with lights that shined down and danced about. The stage itself was transparent, glowing in the same pulsating colors, almost like a lava lamp.  Fog came up from the edges swirling around him.  He was silhouetted against the strobing lights, revealing only the outline of his figure.

 

Dark Horse by Katy Perry started.  He stepped out into the light wearing a pair of black leather boots with stiletto heels, matching black leather boy shorts tightly hugging his frame revealing smooth legs, and a black tee shirt, ripped off at the midriff, a red heart pierced by an arrow on its front.  His eyes were outlined in black eyeliner, his midriff  dashed in glitter

 

He timed his entrance to reach the pole as the lyrics began.  Grasping the pole, he leaned back, swinging himself around in time to the music.  Releasing the pole, he approached the edge of the stage swaying his hips as he lowered down to his knees, legs bending and spreading beneath him. He grinned at the couple of guys in the front row, leaning forward as if to kiss each one only to pull back teasingly.

 

His upper body fell backwards toward the pole, his hands planting onto the stage.  In a single fluid motion, he thrust his legs up to clutch the pole, raising his torso and extending his arms to grab hold, the pole now entwined in his embrace.   He released his legs, lowering them to the stage, swaying his hips as he slid down, his hands lingering on the pole above his head.

 

At a change in the music, he released the pole, strutting about the stage, click clacking in his boots.  Satisfied that all eyes were on him, he backed onto the pole, grinding to the upbeat chorus.  Moving with the music, he swung his body around the pole holding by his hands, then holding only by his legs.

 

The song and his dance came to their end.  He exited the stage without a backward glance, knowing every desire was focused on him.  A stage hand scooped up the drift of bills accumulated on the stage, tributes to the performance and the fantasies he had aroused.

 

I can clearly see the improvement here, very much so. I like what I've read and you've done what I tried to get across justice a million times over. This is really well written, so daring to ask, for it not to go to waste, and because it's ten times better than my opening version, would you be willing to let me use it? With your credit of course, placed where ever you'd like me to place it.

[RolandQ]

As your story and the original vision is a gift to me, my editing is a gift to you.

[x Trevor x]

As your story and the original vision is a gift to me, my editing is a gift to you.

 

Okay, thank you. That means a lot to me. Again thanks so much.

[x Trevor x]

Hi, I just wanted to do a little author update. I just wanted to say that I know the story seems to be a little slow paced right now. Honestly I went into this knowing that a sequel wouldn't be as super charged as the original, though things will pick up, maybe not so much as the original, being that I don't want to so much clone the original and I did so many different plots in the original that it's difficult to come up with new ones that are different and new. So yes, the story is slower and more toned down, I know, but give me time and I will try to work some good things out, until then I hope the plots and character developments to come will make for an enjoyable read.

[x Trevor x]

And the sequel has reached completion! I hope anyone who has read has enjoyed it and I hope any future readers who come upon it (Of course after reading the original which I hope you will also love, you must if it brings you to the sequel) will enjoy it just as much. Is this the last you will see of Miracle? Who knows, I do know that I won't be in a rush to put any projects on hold again, if a third does come out, I will definitely need time to come up with material. So for now, consider Miracle where he is and just remember, there is a long life ahead, as with anyone. Thank you for reading!

Edited August 12, 2014 by x Trevor x

[x Trevor x]

Just wanted to update the thread to keep it alive in case anyone in the future wants to comment since it is still a relatively new story, even at it's completion.