The Marine

[wolfwriter]

Hey guys! This is my first time doing a forum. I created this so that we can talk about the story and have a little more interaction than just reviews being left and me responding to them.

 

I originally started this story as a response to a prompt and have used several prompts in the following chapters as a way of breaking through writer's block.

 

Let me know what your thoughts on the story so I can know where and how to improve.

 

[sharedmedia=stories:stories:4299]

 

[Suvitar]

I caught up with the story so far. I found it interesting and the storyline is very intriguing. Jason and Chase are lovely and I´m looking forward finding out what happens next. 

[Headstall]

What started out as a tragic loss has turned into a connection between two interesting characters who seem to fit beautifully. I see so much potential in Jason and Chase and I am looking forward to when, in two months, Chases' enlistment is up and they can really start their life. Cheers...Gary

[Timothy M.]

At first I was a bit disappointed that you went so quickly from Jason and Chase meeting each other to them being in a relationship, but you've managed to keep the story interesting with other matters. So I still like it (and apologize for not getting around to writing reviews). 

[Rndmrunner]

The characters and their interactions are fantastic here. My one complaint is the melodrama: Jason's friends are made so one dimensional that they can turn on him (Tin'a pregnancy, the blackmail). It undermines the integrity of the lead characters as Jason has supremely poor judgement in friends or doesn't know them at even after years. The reaction to the betrayals is then cut and run and lots of self righteous anger. A subtler  plot line would also allow Jason and Chase's relationship to grow more deeply  by being faced with more nuanced problems. 

 

I know this sounds negative but you have such great characters here and i want more.

[Timothy M.]

I actually agree, but I think the problem is that you have to follow one of the prompts chosen for each week. The blackmail is a good example, because it was quite weird to have Alex do this. I wish you would ditch the prompts and just write the story the way you want it to go.

[wolfwriter]

I caught up with the story so far. I found it interesting and the storyline is very intriguing. Jason and Chase are lovely and I´m looking forward finding out what happens next. 

I am so glad that you are finding the story interesting. I wasn't sure how well it would be received and I'm glad that it has been well received.

What started out as a tragic loss has turned into a connection between two interesting characters who seem to fit beautifully. I see so much potential in Jason and Chase and I am looking forward to when, in two months, Chases' enlistment is up and they can really start their life. Cheers...Gary

I'm looking forward to how their relationship will continue to grow and evolve as the story continues on.

At first I was a bit disappointed that you went so quickly from Jason and Chase meeting each other to them being in a relationship, but you've managed to keep the story interesting with other matters. So I still like it (and apologize for not getting around to writing reviews). 

 

I know that a lot of people felt the same way. I'm glad that you are enjoying it

The characters and their interactions are fantastic here. My one complaint is the melodrama: Jason's friends are made so one dimensional that they can turn on him (Tin'a pregnancy, the blackmail). It undermines the integrity of the lead characters as Jason has supremely poor judgement in friends or doesn't know them at even after years. The reaction to the betrayals is then cut and run and lots of self righteous anger. A subtler  plot line would also allow Jason and Chase's relationship to grow more deeply  by being faced with more nuanced problems. 

 

I know this sounds negative but you have such great characters here and i want more.

Thanks for the input. Negative and positive comments are always welcome; how else will I grow as a writer and make the story better.

[wolfwriter]

I actually agree, but I think the problem is that you have to follow one of the prompts chosen for each week. The blackmail is a good example, because it was quite weird to have Alex do this. I wish you would ditch the prompts and just write the story the way you want it to go.

Thanks for the input and I will try to get away from the prompts, I usually use them when I get writer's block. I will work at it

[Suvitar]

I re-read the chapter 11 and I thought the changes you did were good 

[wolfwriter]

I re-read the chapter 11 and I thought the changes you did were good 

thank you

[wolfwriter]

I caught up with the story so far. I found it interesting and the storyline is very intriguing. Jason and Chase are lovely and I´m looking forward finding out what happens next. 

Thank you for reading. I'm glad you're enjoying it