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I'm having a hard time with the very nasty encounters like Colin or the sex predators. They are too much. :pinch:

However, I find it quite believable and poignant that even the positive encounters, like the boys at the strawberry farm or him rescuing the mom and baby, do not register as a possibility to create a good connection. That is immensely sad, and to me actually quite interesting to read about.

Sex is a commodity Tim, like drugs or food. You can barter with it, sell it and buy it and even take it ... until I met Michael, it meant nothing more than that to me.  It's all sad, sad what we can do to each other and still look in the mirror.  

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Sex is a commodity Tim, like drugs or food. You can barter with it, sell it and buy it and even take it ...

 

Oh yeah, I have no problem with that being part of the story as something bound to happen. What I was trying to say is that 'Eric' having bad experiences is somehow not as devasting and indicative of his bleak situation as the fact that he misses out on all the potential chances for getting help from the friendly people he meets. It's not so much that he does not trust them (which would be quite understandable), but more the fact that he simply does not see those encounters as positive. Now that is scary and sad.

Edited by Timothy M.
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Oh yeah, I have no problem with that being part of the story as something bound to happen. What I was trying to say is that 'Eric' having bad experiences is somehow not as devasting and indicative of his bleak situation as the fact that he misses out on all the potential chances for getting help from the friendly people he meets. It's not so much that he does not trust them (which would be quite understandable), but more the fact that he simply does not see those encounters as positive. Now that is scary and sad.

Nothing is positive out there really. Except when you get your next hit or something to eat. The only positive people are your so-called friends and even them you don't trust .. they'd sell your soul if they are hungry enough. I know. 

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There's a conflict here that's really hard to resolve - as a reader, you want to see development, progress, and yes, something brighter than the black clouds that seem to follow Stefan / Eric everyplace he's gone. In reality, the bright spots can be few, and can be a long time coming.

 

I could plead stupidity or ignorance because I'm a new author - this is my second piece of writing - but really, I can see that I might not have squared this circle very well.

Parker bud, my comments are always meant to be constructive and just give my honest gut reaction to what I read. I definitely think you're doing a great job overall, and I've been reading similar stories for a long time. You are definitely a cut above a lot of others out there, and you definitely have talent as a writer, so don't doubt yourself.

 

Also, I find Stefan's story very believable. I've never had the misfortune of being on the streets, but I've heard from a lot of others, like Mikesboy, who have gone through that, and yes I definitely find the writing believable. That being said, as much as I could see a lot of this happening, as far as the plot of the story is concerned, there is a bit lacking right now. I look at each chapter and wonder, what did this add to Stefan's story? Where's he going with this? Do these characters he just introduced and named have any bearing on the story and where it's headed? Is there a goal in mind?

 

i know you have a goal in mind, and keep in mind its just a matter of getting there. Keep in mind, it doesn't have to be sunshine and roses for Stefan, and it'll actually make a better story if there's conflict for him to overcome, but I guess my point is, I generally find a story better if I can say that each chapter adds to the overall narrative and is headed somewhere.

 

Also, as for how frequently you're posting, I think it's great cause I really hate starting a story and then not seeing updates for months always with the possibility that the story has been abandoned. I like knowing that if I start a story that's still in process, I'll have a chance to read more or maybe even see the end.

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I'll be honest, I'm having a hard time investing in any one chapter right now, because there doesn't seem to any payoff to most of Stefan's encounters. He continues to have mostly negative experiences with most everybody he encounters. Even with the few positive experiences he has with people, it never really leads to anything as he just moves on and we never see any of the characters again. Obviously his new rules won't help him open up to anyone, but he's been wandering for ten chapters and haven't seen anyone worth opening up to.

I'm having the same response to this story, Parker, to be honest. Almost every encounter Eric/Stefan has with other people is relentlessly grim. Every time he meets someone, he's either beaten or raped, then he moves on, the cycle continues. I wish there was more of a story arc, with some movement toward a conclusion, some personal redemption for Eric, some glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. I know it's coming, but it's been a slow process. I also know that, in reality, life on the street is pretty horrible for kids like Eric, but it makes for pretty depressing reading. 

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Sorry for a late reply, I did read chapter 17, and yeah I definitely felt like that was a step in the right direction. I'm certainly glad to see him encounter a character who we'll see again. And by all appearances a really nice guy as well.

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Thanks for the thought, Spikey. It's been a long time coming, but the clouds over Eric's head have broken up a bit, and some blue sky is showing through. Eustace Whitley is a fun character to think about and write for. Just for fun, what cinematic archetype/character actor would you have cast for this role? :P

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Back in the day, Wilford Brimley would have been a great choice, but probably a bit too old now. Maybe Robert Duvall? Possibly James Garner before he died. Somebody that can play a loveable old country guy really well.

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Well I know there were others I couldn't think of right off hand who'd fit really well. I mean Robert Redford has done some interesting roles as he's gotten older, like that Horse Whisperer movie, but somehow he doesn't seem like a good fit for Eustace (great name by the way). Oh maybe Sam Elliot, I mean the guy has a cowboy hat glued to his head, and he's always super friendly even when he plays bad guys.

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Chris Cooper, yes perfect, and slightly younger and in a little better shape.

 

Ok so chapter 18, good stuff. The question on my mind is, has Eustace already figured out Stefan (or do we call him Eric now?)is on his own? Did he ever not think that? Or even if he did, did he run across a sleeping teenager in his barn and just kinda chose to ignore it. There was something more to the breakfast invitation I thought, especially Eustace's reaction to him saying he ate. The head shaking at lunch isn't cause of bad table manners I thought. Also the kid only has two shirts and with his only bath being that hose and no soap he's going to be absolutely filthy pretty quick with all that physical labor in the summer. It's going to be even more suspicious pretty quick.

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Doubt Eustace has it figured out. Not yet, at least, and there are hazy reasons that need backstory which I really didn't write, and which Eric (yes, let's call him Eric - he discarded Stefan as a creation of his father) couldn't know on his own.

 

It's a plot bunny that scampered into the brambles before I could do much about it.

 

In any case, you're right about getting filthy. The cold hose only goes so far with yellow naphtha soap.

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I'm still convinced Eustace knows something is up with Eric. He just had to know that the kid had some hidden reason for why he wanted to unload the truck by himself, and just conveniently let him do so. Whether he knows Eric's a runaway or not, he knows something is going on. For all Eric doesn't trust anymore, he's putting at least some trust in Eustace and has already formed a bit of a bond with him regardless.

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I'm still convinced Eustace knows something is up with Eric. He just had to know that the kid had some hidden reason for why he wanted to unload the truck by himself, and just conveniently let him do so. Whether he knows Eric's a runaway or not, he knows something is going on. For all Eric doesn't trust anymore, he's putting at least some trust in Eustace and has already formed a bit of a bond with him regardless.

 

I have to agree with spikey about Eustace. 

It would be pleasant to believe Eustace will become a new father for Eric, but that's not gonna happen.

I have the feeling Ambrose's 'family' is going to cause a problem for Eric, and might be the beginning of the end of his little vacation.

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Lots of grist for the mill! Eustace is laconic, not taciturn. Not talky. He hasn't let on yet. Eric isn't privy to his thoughts, so we don't really know what he thinks. All kinds of possibilities for us to learn about...

Edited by Parker Owens
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Hmm what can I say about the latest developments? I think chapter 21 really brings up some points that have been bugging me for a bit. One thing I haven't really understood is what exactly Eric did to endear himself to Toby so much. They met for like 5 minutes at the feed store, and though they worked together on the fence, it wasn't like Eric was being Mr. Personality, he was being somewhat distant and closed-in, as is his way. So why was Toby so eager to bring him along into town and to his little get-together? Cause I'll be honest, it really did seem like Toby ditched him once they got around others.

 

He basically bailed on him at the cookout, the meets up for like two minutes at the dance thing, palms some girl off on him, then disappears, and by the grace of God (and whatsername) Eric manages to appear back at Toby's house for his little party. Toby never seemed to be making an effort to try to include Eric in anything, so why did he insist upon bringing him in the first place? It just seems a little weird. Oh he's worried about Eric now, after the kid disappears from his party? If I were Eric I probably would have left long before any of that when I was ditched in the first place. Let alone after being attacked. Yeah Toby's actions are confusing to me, and were I Eric I'd be telling him thanks but no-thanks to any future encounters. I just didn't feel like the entire experience was positive, let alone the fact that he was assaulted yet again. Not that he should blame Toby for the assault, but it just didn't feel like a good situation for Eric.

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That's a really good point, Spikey. Toby seems to be one of those people whose intentions are nice - he takes a shine to Eustace's new hired hand out of solidarity, or just plain good naturedness - but who then doesn't really follow through. Part of this is probably a complete mismatch in expectations on both Eric's and Toby's parts. This is kind of what's been the dominant theme for Eric's interaction with the world since running away from home: he's not who he appears to be, and other people aren't necessarily who they look like either. In any case, Toby is being casually - very casually - friendly, assuming Eric might be plugged into a local social network. He is an Anderson, after all. Eric misunderstands Toby, too, I think.

 

In any case, Toby might have been watching Eric and Maddie at distance during the fireworks display. He certainly seemed ready to entertain afterwards at the porch / backyard afterparty. Pity about redhead getting in the way of that.

 

The good news is that Eric feels safe enough at the Whitley farm to retreat there, rather than running away. Despite the disaster, that's a big step.

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