Adult Coming Out: Happy, Sad, And Weird

[W_L]

You know, we write stories about this kind of stuff all the time, but we never seem to share our thoughts and reactions within the lounge. I know the teens have their posts and threads on their challenges coming out, but as adults we also have stories as well on how we deal with coming out.

 

I came out to all my co-workers in the last 2 days, prompted by Orlando and a deep desire to seek solidarity, it is like a high with no limit or restriction to finally be out to the people you know every day. Most people were supportive, others just shrugged and said "whatever".

 

One fun thing I did learn is one of my colleagues and superiors was bi, which is awesome (She has a boyfriend, so I never knew that side of her).

 

At the moment, it's huge high to have the truth out in the open. I am not sure if this is true for other people as well when you came out as adults to friends and co-workers.

 

Of course, I know there are probably some tragic stories out there about friendships broken, jobs lost, and other problems over what comes out, when you come out.

Edited June 15, 2016 by W_L

[MrM]

I just came out last year. After years of being Frozen I finally feel like I'm thawing out and coming down off of the snowy mountain.

 

The hardest part for me has been the reality adjustment and trying to fight the regret that I didn't do this years ago when I was younger. I do feel the loss of years rather keenly.

 

I had the elation you are having W_L and now its settled into a more contented pattern of feelings. I have friends now where I didn't before. I belong to a community where I didn't before. I have people there for me where I didn't have them before. I now live in a Gayborhood and find myself doing all the things at 45 that I wanted to do at 25, but couldn't.

 

Now, I really am longing for a boyfriend. I don't know if I will find one but I hope I do. I just hope I'm not too old for the guys around here now. San Diego does have a surplus of some of the cutest young gay guys anywhere because of the military. This makes competition a bit heavy for a middle aged guy. 

 

A lot of my stories are old fantasies that I've kept inside for decades and GA has given me a way to express them. They are dreams and sometimes I find those dreams become more real than I ever imagined. Maybe I will find the love I dream for my characters. 

[C B]

I also realized I was gay and (partially) came out at a later age. 

 

Happy: Luckily for me, I have an established career (that embraces diversity) and good friends so my "coming out" may have been a little more painless than others...and I have no financial dependence from anyone else. When I told one of my best friends, he legit closed out tab (at the bar we were at) and took me to the gay bars and went in with me...that was an experience. Mostly importantly, I'm not ashamed to kiss a guy, cuuddle or hold a guy's hand in public or bring someone home to the family when the time comes. (Even though I am not a huge PDA person, I am past that hump now).

 

Sad: I have had some friendships weaken accordingly (EX: college roommate things I lied to him the entire time) but I think they will come around. Feeling like you have lost [insert number of year] from your dating life.

 

Weird: Also, I have never dealt with [g]A[y]DHD before...people in the gay community are so focused on finding the next best thing that they often mistreat those they care about. I"m not saying this is the rule but in my experience it can be frustrating. There's nothing wrong with focusing on one relationship/friendship at a time.

 

Hope this helped 

[6819zulu]

I'm BI and I came out to my son two years ago 2 years after his mother and I divorced.  I came out to him because he had come to me worried that he had ruined his relation ship with his girl friend at the time, by getting lost in lust and pushing things father than he intended.. He was very torn up about it and so I had a very frank conversation about sex and relationships with him.. It was during this late night conversation that I told him of my bi sexuality.. I was delighted to his reaction of "Dad it's cool".  I also told him that it was partly the reason for the divorce, even though I had never strayed or acted upon  my feelings during our marriage. I also explained that his mother had known since well before our marriage that i was bi.   This is when he told me that his mother had told him of my orientation in a fit of anger.  he then told me that as far as he was concerned, He didn't care and that it would never change our relationship.  In fact it has actually improved it.  We open talk about his relation ship with his present girlfriend and the fact that she also is bi. I was mad at first that the ex had outted me to him but he let me know that he had less respect for her because of her actions.  How could I stay mad when I saw that I had helped raise such a wonderful young man.