Three for Jake by C James

C James · December 23, 2007

:nuke: :nuke: Spoilers Below!!! :nuke: :nuke:

Graeme · December 24, 2007

This story is written in a very different style to CJ's other stories. It's a first person confessional style that has a very cheeky feel to it. The narrator's personality comes through from the first page, and only gets stronger the more you read.

Jake comes over as your classic "bad boy", but one with that bane of all "bad boys" everywhere -- a conscience. He couldn't get rid of Corey and it quickly became clear he didn't want to. The two developed what was promising to be a healthy relationship -- Corey was moderating the worst of Jake's behaviour (to a degree), which Jake was teaching Corey to loosen up and relax.

Unfortunately, Corey's influence had fatal results -- a surprising twist in the tale. It is because of Corey that Jake received the "Three for Jake" in the title.

As a story, it's one I thoroughly enjoyed.

On a technical note, this is an excellent example of character development. I could easily imagine Jake, and know the sort of person he was. The style of narration brought out his personality wonderfully. It's normally a no-no to have a narrator address the reader, but we learn at the end that this is not really narration, it's dialogue, and Jake is telling his story to someone else. This is just the transcript of the recorded conversation.

Thanks, CJ!

Meeko · December 29, 2007

This story is written in a very different style to CJ's other stories. It's a first person confessional style that has a very cheeky feel to it. The narrator's personality comes through from the first page, and only gets stronger the more you read.

Jake comes over as your classic "bad boy", but one with that bane of all "bad boys" everywhere -- a conscience. He couldn't get rid of Corey and it quickly became clear he didn't want to. The two developed what was promising to be a healthy relationship -- Corey was moderating the worst of Jake's behaviour (to a degree), which Jake was teaching Corey to loosen up and relax.

Unfortunately, Corey's influence had fatal results -- a surprising twist in the tale. It is because of Corey that Jake received the "Three for Jake" in the title.

As a story, it's one I thoroughly enjoyed.

On a technical note, this is an excellent example of character development. I could easily imagine Jake, and know the sort of person he was. The style of narration brought out his personality wonderfully. It's normally a no-no to have a narrator address the reader, but we learn at the end that this is not really narration, it's dialogue, and Jake is telling his story to someone else. This is just the transcript of the recorded conversation.

Thanks, CJ!

Like Graeme had said already, this story is very differen't from how Cj usually writes. I really enjoyed the relationship that was forming between Jake and Corey. We knew right from the start that Jake had feelings for Corey, the way he changed even if just a lil none the less he changed for him as did Corey. The way Corey followed around Jake and mimcked showed me that Corey really wanted to be just like him, maybe becuase he secretly liked him alot?

The ending really got me Cj, it wasn't something I expected to happened.

Great story, a wonderful read, something new with a little twist, loved it.

Jake is a great char!

-Mike

C James · December 29, 2007

Like Graeme had said already, this story is very differen't from how Cj usually writes. The ending really got me Cj, it wasn't something I expected to happened.
Great story, a wonderful read, something new with a little twist, loved it.

Jake is a great charater!

-Mike

Thanks!

This one was a tough one to write in lot of ways. Believe it or not, I seriously don't like unhappy endings! In fact, I despise them in anything but short stories so much that when I find a completed story online and am thinking of reading it, I'll peek at the last chapter to be sure it ends ok. With a short story I'm not as particular, becuase there isn't the emotional investment.

OK, this story might have been more accurately titled "Don't Drink and Write". The reason is, I was drunk when I wrote it. I'd just staggered home (Literally) from a neighbor's Christmas party. I'd been drinking tequila, amongst other things, and suddenly the story was just there. When I started to write, I had no clue how it would end.

I like Jake too; he's a much better guy than he realizes.

Meeko · December 29, 2007

Thanks!

This one was a tough one to write in lot of ways. Believe it or not, I seriously don't like unhappy endings! In fact, I despise them in anything but short stories so much that when I find a completed story online and am thinking of reading it, I'll peek at the last chapter to be sure it ends ok. With a short story I'm not as particular, becuase there isn't the emotional investment.

OK, this story might have been more accurately titled "Don't Drink and Write". The reason is, I was drunk when I wrote it. I'd just staggered home (Literally) from a neighbor's Christmas party. I'd been drinking tequila, amongst other things, and suddenly the story was just there. When I started to write, I had no clue how it would end.

I like Jake too; he's a much better guy than he realizes.

It's one thing to kill of a char just for the sake of killing him off, but the way you did it wasn't one of those. Honestly with what Jake was doing, it was bound to happen sooner or later, to be honest. You know full well as do I, getting yourself into something like that is bad, but trying to get out? It's much worse. And very beleiveable.

Like I had already mentioed, this is VERY differen't CJ, but that is why I enjoyed it as much as I did, Bravo!

-Mike

jkeeling · December 29, 2007

Thanks!

This one was a tough one to write in lot of ways. Believe it or not, I seriously don't like unhappy endings! In fact, I despise them in anything but short stories so much that when I find a completed story online and am thinking of reading it, I'll peek at the last chapter to be sure it ends ok. With a short story I'm not as particular, becuase there isn't the emotional investment.

OK, this story might have been more accurately titled "Don't Drink and Write". The reason is, I was drunk when I wrote it. I'd just staggered home (Literally) from a neighbor's Christmas party. I'd been drinking tequila, amongst other things, and suddenly the story was just there. When I started to write, I had no clue how it would end.

I like Jake too; he's a much better guy than he realizes.

Just a small request.... Would you consider doing a spin off type of series using Jake and Corey (like an alternate continuation if things had gone just a little differently) *begs profusely*.... even though it was a short short story I fell in love with the characters...

I believe everyone has a bad boy side to them and those two had the perfect mix.

Great job on the story CJ especially if you were drunk when writing it. It may not have been your normal style of writing but it was still excellent.

C James · December 29, 2007

It's one thing to kill of a char just for the sake of killing him off, but the way you did it wasn't one of those. Honestly with what Jake was doing, it was bound to happen sooner or later, to be honest. You know full well as do I, getting yourself into something like that is bad, but trying to get out? It's much worse. And very beleiveable.

Like I had already mentioed, this is VERY differen't CJ, but that is why I enjoyed it as much as I did, Bravo!

-Mike

Thanks... Jake definitly got himself into a mess, and knew it.

I'd never kill off a character, even in a short story, just for the sake of doing so. I get just too attached to my characters to do that. LoL

Just a small request.... Would you consider doing a spin off type of series using Jake and Corey (like an alternate continuation if things had gone just a little differently) *begs profusely*.... even though it was a short short story I fell in love with the characters...
I believe everyone has a bad boy side to them and those two had the perfect mix.

Great job on the story CJ especially if you were drunk when writing it. It may not have been your normal style of writing but it was still excellent.

Well, ummm, possibly, in fact I left it open for that.

Jake loses consciousness at the end. It doesn't actually say he died, so that's not a certaintly.

So, although I don't plan on writing another multi-chapter in first-person, I have no qualms about, say, making this story a prologue (because you can change "voices" for a prologue, if done right.).

jkeeling · December 29, 2007

Thanks... Jake definitly got himself into a mess, and knew it.

I'd never kill off a character, even in a short story, just for the sake of doing so. I get just too attached to my characters to do that. LoL

Well, ummm, possibly, in fact I left it open for that.

Jake loses consciousness at the end. It doesn't actually say he died, so that's not a certaintly.

So, although I don't plan on writing another multi-chapter in first-person, I have no qualms about, say, making this story a prologue (because you can change "voices" for a prologue, if done right.).

Yippeeeeeee

*HUGS* *SMOOCHES* *Scratches behind the horns and ears* *Rubs soothing salve on roasted spots*

You know some could say that you left that anthology with a cliffie.

I will be very happy with a multi-chapter story no matter what person it is in. You are an awsome writer and have a life long fan in me so long as you don't go killing the characters I fall in love with. I have read a couple of stories that the author did that in and it had me in a foul mood for days not to mention it made me cry.... I so hate crying.

C James · December 30, 2007

Yippeeeeeee

*HUGS* *SMOOCHES* *Scratches behind the horns and ears* *Rubs soothing salve on roasted spots*

You know some could say that you left that anthology with a cliffie.

I will be very happy with a multi-chapter story no matter what person it is in. You are an awsome writer and have a life long fan in me so long as you don't go killing the characters I fall in love with. I have read a couple of stories that the author did that in and it had me in a foul mood for days not to mention it made me cry.... I so hate crying.

Thank you!!

I've been stung by a few stories where, roughly, the lead characther goes through 30+ chapters of drama, and FINALLY everything is great and he has his lover interest at last, and KAPAOW, love interest dues in a tragic, random, way (car accident, random gunfire, etc), the end. ARGH, I HATE those, and I do peek at endings before starting reading. I don't care in a short story, but If I'm going to read a novel, I want to be sure it's not a downer.

And what? Me, use a cliffie? I'd never do that.

jkeeling · December 30, 2007

Thank you!!

I've been stung by a few stories where, roughly, the lead characther goes through 30+ chapters of drama, and FINALLY everything is great and he has his lover interest at last, and KAPAOW, love interest dues in a tragic, random, way (car accident, random gunfire, etc), the end. ARGH, I HATE those, and I do peek at endings before starting reading. I don't care in a short story, but If I'm going to read a novel, I want to be sure it's not a downer.

And what? Me, use a cliffie? I'd never do that.

No I have to say it ends in a cliffie.... the main character is fading to black after being shot 3 count em 3 times in the abdomen and the story ends..... That my friend is a cliffie if I ever read one.

Although it was a short story the publics natural reaction is that the guy died but as you mentioned it doesn't say in the story so there is yet hope.... Can you say tense. Definately a cliffie my favorite story writing Goat.... :king:

Deny it and the temperature will be turned up a notch or two. :nuke:

Ok think its time to hide again.

Graeme · December 30, 2007

No I have to say it ends in a cliffie.... the main character is fading to black after being shot 3 count em 3 times in the abdomen and the story ends..... That my friend is a cliffie if I ever read one.

Although it was a short story the publics natural reaction is that the guy died but as you mentioned it doesn't say in the story so there is yet hope.... Can you say tense. Definately a cliffie my favorite story writing Goat.... :king:

LOL -- I have to agree with jkeeling While I originally didn't think it was a cliffhanger, sober reflection reveals otherwise. Since we don't know if Jake survived, we have the lead character in a perilous situation at the end of the story -- the definite embodiment of a cliffhanger.

Thanks, jkeeling, for pointing this out. If there's a cliffhanger section in the Member's Awards, maybe this one should be nominated.

jkeeling · December 30, 2007

LOL -- I have to agree with jkeeling While I originally didn't think it was a cliffhanger, sober reflection reveals otherwise. Since we don't know if Jake survived, we have the lead character in a perilous situation at the end of the story -- the definite embodiment of a cliffhanger.

Thanks, jkeeling, for pointing this out. If there's a cliffhanger section in the Member's Awards, maybe this one should be nominated.

Your welcome Graeme... I couldn't let that one pass.

I dunno about you but I'm gonna keep pestering him to make this into a series. I really don't care what person he puts it in just so long as he continues the story with these guys.

Bardeara · December 30, 2007

OK, this story might have been more accurately titled "Don't Drink and Write". The reason is, I was drunk when I wrote it.

Ok then in that case, you need to drink more.

This was a good read. At first I wanted to hate it, because It's really early right now and the viewpoint threw me off, but as I continued to read it, I just enjoyed the story for what it was. By the end I like like CJ I hate you, then I remembered how I remembered this is the kind of last min ender I would put and couldn't help but chuckle at myself.

CJ thanks for a wonderful tale and giving me a dose of my own meds.

jkeeling · December 30, 2007

Ok then in that case, you need to drink more.

This was a good read. At first I wanted to hate it, because It's really early right now and the viewpoint threw me off, but as I continued to read it, I just enjoyed the story for what it was. By the end I like like CJ I hate you, then I remembered how I remembered this is the kind of last min ender I would put and couldn't help but chuckle at myself.

CJ thanks for a wonderful tale and giving me a dose of my own meds.

My interest is peaked on your writings now but not sure if you use the same types of endings as this story did. I can handle cliffies better if the next chapter is already posted and ready to read. What can I say I don't like to wait.

wildone · December 31, 2007

Wow CJ

I must say that I had to keep reminding myself that you actually wrote this. It was an interesting departure from what you have written before.

I guess the biggest shock was just reading the word f*&k in one of your stories. It kinda made the most character development with one word. It wasn't a bad thing, and it definitely made me understand the character much more clearly.

Since the anthology was the road not taken, you definitely fit that in by having Corey not hooking up with Jake. I wonder if Jake would have changed his tune if he had hooked up with Corey, or would have he had broken Corey's heart in the end.

But by making the decision to let Corey go, he showed more balls than probably most of us posses. By doing so, it was the most selfless act he probably ever did. He knew he couldn't change his ways, so rather than giving Corey a life of misery, he hoped he gave him something better. But, on the other hand, how will Corey react to losing his first true love?

And.... I will say that I didn't consider it a cliffhanger. For the context of the story, the ending was appropriate IMHO.

Great Job CJ , but I don't know if I ever want to go out for a drink with you .

Just kidding.

Steve

jkeeling · December 31, 2007

Wow CJ

I must say that I had to keep reminding myself that you actually wrote this. It was an interesting departure from what you have written before.

I guess the biggest shock was just reading the word f*&k in one of your stories. It kinda made the most character development with one word. It wasn't a bad thing, and it definitely made me understand the character much more clearly.

Since the anthology was the road not taken, you definitely fit that in by having Corey not hooking up with Jake. I wonder if Jake would have changed his tune if he had hooked up with Corey, or would have he had broken Corey's heart in the end.

But by making the decision to let Corey go, he showed more balls than probably most of us posses. By doing so, it was the most selfless act he probably ever did. He knew he couldn't change his ways, so rather than giving Corey a life of misery, he hoped he gave him something better. But, on the other hand, how will Corey react to losing his first true love?

And.... I will say that I didn't consider it a cliffhanger. For the context of the story, the ending was appropriate IMHO.

Great Job CJ , but I don't know if I ever want to go out for a drink with you .

Just kidding.

Steve

But WildOne..... How can you say it wasn't a cliffie.... We don't know if the lead character lives or dies..... And for the purposes of the Anthology the story is over.....FIN.... No resolution..... Bah.

I still say its a cliffie. :king: :fire:

CarlHoliday · December 31, 2007

This reminded me of the teen flicks I used to watch on the ol' black and white when I was that age. (No, I'm too old to do the math, but it was pre-color.) The bad kid with the goody-two-shoes sidekick, only this time the sidekick doesn't die. This one would've certainly worked with James Dean and Sal Mineo. (Well, we already know they were friends and probably did things.) I can almost see James Dean lying there in the gravel amid the greasewood and prickly pear, with (Who? It's a small part, so it can't be anyone big, but you want someone with enough presence not to get overwhelmed by Dean.) a good looking cop, telling his tale while his life oozes out those three holes. There could even be a few goats munching on the vegies, just to give the scene that "desert" feel.

Yeah, CJ, this brought back a few memories. His name wasn't Jake, either, and I wasn't Corey, just a hanger-on, someone on the periphery looking at them play off each other. They had something going and I envied Corey. Not-Jake didn't die, but he lost and went south. (Bad boys went south to Green Hill, the state juvenile facility.)

Thanks CJ for a very entertaining, almost heartwarming, tale. A real tearjerker!

Carl

Benji · December 31, 2007

Thanks!

This one was a tough one to write in lot of ways. Believe it or not, I seriously don't like unhappy endings! In fact, I despise them in anything but short stories so much that when I find a completed story online and am thinking of reading it, I'll peek at the last chapter to be sure it ends ok. With a short story I'm not as particular, becuase there isn't the emotional investment.

OK, this story might have been more accurately titled "Don't Drink and Write". The reason is, I was drunk when I wrote it. I'd just staggered home (Literally) from a neighbor's Christmas party. I'd been drinking tequila, amongst other things, and suddenly the story was just there. When I started to write, I had no clue how it would end.

I like Jake too; he's a much better guy than he realizes.

.................AHA! Tequila, that explains a lot of things in your stories Although I didn't really find this one to be a shocker or a tear-jerker....I kind of saw this coming to some kind of bad ending. Good story though and I agree Jake wasn't a real bad person!!

Edited December 31, 2007 by Benji

FrenchCanadian · December 31, 2007

first sorry it took me soo much time to finally get around to read the short story, was a little occupied with work.

anyhow, wow, what can I say, it have a feeling soooo different from any of your multi chapter story.

I love the narrative way, it really feels like Jake's pouring his heart from the start and it makes everything way sweet. and the same goes with the way Corey goes to look up to him to the point of mimicking him.

When Corey tells that he's gay and that brett and him are an item, during that scene I was almost sure that Jake would end up kissing him. like you said, he may not be the angel and the perfect kid, but he do know what's good and right. At the end he did say it wanted to be out of his "work" it shows just how much he grown.

And to calm things,, that's not a cliffhanger ends!!!!! knowing that it's a short story, you're led to believe that he sadly died at the end. (but cj did let the opening to a follow up) I sure hope that Corey will get his final words and moreover will be touched by the fact that Jake was thinking about him at the very end

I know that jkeeling already said it,, but ya, it's such a good start it could set off into a great multi chapter story.

jkeeling · January 1, 2008

first sorry it took me soo much time to finally get around to read the short story, was a little occupied with work.

anyhow, wow, what can I say, it have a feeling soooo different from any of your multi chapter story.

I love the narrative way, it really feels like Jake's pouring his heart from the start and it makes everything way sweet. and the same goes with the way Corey goes to look up to him to the point of mimicking him.

When Corey tells that he's gay and that brett and him are an item, during that scene I was almost sure that Jake would end up kissing him. like you said, he may not be the angel and the perfect kid, but he do know what's good and right. At the end he did say it wanted to be out of his "work" it shows just how much he grown.

And to calm things,, that's not a cliffhanger ends!!!!! knowing that it's a short story, you're led to believe that he sadly died at the end. (but cj did let the opening to a follow up) I sure hope that Corey will get his final words and moreover will be touched by the fact that Jake was thinking about him at the very end

I know that jkeeling already said it,, but ya, it's such a good start it could set off into a great multi chapter story.

I dunno I still say its a cliffie.

Conner · January 1, 2008

Great read, CJ. The Jake character was excellent.

Conner

C James · January 3, 2008

This reminded me of the teen flicks I used to watch on the ol' black and white when I was that age. (No, I'm too old to do the math, but it was pre-color.) The bad kid with the goody-two-shoes sidekick, only this time the sidekick doesn't die. This one would've certainly worked with James Dean and Sal Mineo. (Well, we already know they were friends and probably did things.) I can almost see James Dean lying there in the gravel amid the greasewood and prickly pear, with (Who? It's a small part, so it can't be anyone big, but you want someone with enough presence not to get overwhelmed by Dean.) a good looking cop, telling his tale while his life oozes out those three holes. There could even be a few goats munching on the vegies, just to give the scene that "desert" feel.

Yeah, CJ, this brought back a few memories. His name wasn't Jake, either, and I wasn't Corey, just a hanger-on, someone on the periphery looking at them play off each other. They had something going and I envied Corey. Not-Jake didn't die, but he lost and went south. (Bad boys went south to Green Hill, the state juvenile facility.)

Thanks CJ for a very entertaining, almost heartwarming, tale. A real tearjerker!

Carl

Thanks Carl!!

Sorry your "Jake" ended up in a bad way.

.................AHA! Tequila, that explains a lot of things in your stories Although I didn't really find this one to be a shocker or a tear-jerker....I kind of saw this coming to some kind of bad ending. Good story though and I agree Jake wasn't a real bad person!!

Yes, I do share Eric in LTMP's reaction to tequila, though not quite so bad. LoL

first sorry it took me soo much time to finally get around to read the short story, was a little occupied with work.

anyhow, wow, what can I say, it have a feeling soooo different from any of your multi chapter story.

I love the narrative way, it really feels like Jake's pouring his heart from the start and it makes everything way sweet. and the same goes with the way Corey goes to look up to him to the point of mimicking him.

When Corey tells that he's gay and that brett and him are an item, during that scene I was almost sure that Jake would end up kissing him. like you said, he may not be the angel and the perfect kid, but he do know what's good and right. At the end he did say it wanted to be out of his "work" it shows just how much he grown.

And to calm things,, that's not a cliffhanger ends!!!!! knowing that it's a short story, you're led to believe that he sadly died at the end. (but cj did let the opening to a follow up) I sure hope that Corey will get his final words and moreover will be touched by the fact that Jake was thinking about him at the very end

I know that jkeeling already said it,, but ya, it's such a good start it could set off into a great multi chapter story.

Thanks Sasha!

I'm playing around with an idea for a serial sequel. It would be short, under ten chapters, but, well;, it might be my next project after LTMP.

I dunno I still say its a cliffie.

Great read, CJ. The Jake character was excellent.

Conner

Thanks Conner!

I'm glad "Jake" came across okay. I've always felt that character development is one of my weaknesses as a writer, so for Jake to come across so well so quickly was a very pleasant surprise for me. Maybe I should drink more often? LoL

Ieshwar · January 4, 2008

Hi CJ,

That was a lovely story. I really liked the way you narrated the story. I think it made a direct link between the reader and the narrator. And Jake was a lovely character. Glad that we're going to see more of him.

Great!

Take care,

Ieshwar

C James · January 4, 2008

Hi CJ,

That was a lovely story. I really liked the way you narrated the story. I think it made a direct link between the reader and the narrator. And Jake was a lovely character. Glad that we're going to see more of him.

Great!

Take care,

Ieshwar

Thanks Ieshwar!!!

jfalkon · January 14, 2008

I finaly got to this story. I'm really slowly working my way through the anthology. It is so amazing! If it develops into a longer story that will be great. Bring on the booz!

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Three for Jake by C James

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