To Open a Door by Graeme

[C James]

To Open a Door by Graeme

 

 

:nuke: :nuke: Spoilers Below!!! :nuke: :nuke:

[C James]

To Open a Door by Graeme

 

 

This is a first-person story in more ways than one. It is indeed rare that a drastic decision point in a person

[Krista]

I thought this was a well wrote story Graeme, I believe everyone comes to these major steps that they're too scared to take. It's nice that in the end though, the chance he didn't take led to a gratifying life with loving aspects, like a family, a talent, and friends.

 

 

Thanks for sharing this Graeme.

 

 

Krista

[Graeme]

I thought this was a well wrote story Graeme, I believe everyone comes to these major steps that they're too scared to take. It's nice that in the end though, the chance he didn't take led to a gratifying life with loving aspects, like a family, a talent, and friends.

 

 

Thanks for sharing this Graeme.

 

 

Krista

Thanks, Krista. You do realise it's autobiographical, don't you? It's not fiction....

[Meeko]

Thanks, Krista. You do realise it's autobiographical, don't you? It's not fiction....

 

 

Graeme I'm very thrilled that you could share this wonderful story with us. I've seen myself in that very same predicument, in my life. Where all i had to do was tell one person "I'm Gay," and know that it would change my entire life. I often wonder what would happen if I did, would things still be the same? Would I like the person I turn into?

 

Agian great story, thank you very much for sharing this with us.

 

*Hugs*

 

-Mike

[Bardeara]

Thanks, Krista. You do realise it's autobiographical, don't you? It's not fiction....

 

When I first read this story, it was so clear to me it was an autobiographical story about you. I suddenly felt conflicted becasue I know how happy you are to have your two boys in your life. On the other hand, I couldn't help but wish you gotten to know what life COULD have been like had you been giving the chance to explore that aspect of your life.

 

With that said, I've learned that we travel the road we were meant to travel and sometimes other roads were not meant to be taken. (yeah I know that sounds so storyteller of me, but it's the truth. )

 

Graeme thank you for taking a chance and telling this part of your life, nothing can express emotions better then taking a page out of real life.

[Graeme]

Graeme I'm very thrilled that you could share this wonderful story with us. I've seen myself in that very same predicument, in my life. Where all i had to do was tell one person "I'm Gay," and know that it would change my entire life. I often wonder what would happen if I did, would things still be the same? Would I like the person I turn into?

Thanks, Mike. One of my beta-readers, a really good friend, told me he'd had a number of similar experiences when he was growing up and going to college. He eventually came out in his early 30s, and quickly went back into the closet after a bad reaction from his parents. I'm happy to say he's out again, in a loving relationship with a great guy, and the two have just signed a Domestic Partnership in their home state. His parents are also very supportive (maybe they just needed time to get used to the idea?).

 

If I had my life again, but keeping what I know now, I think I'd have the confidence and courage to open that door -- but there's a price for everything. I wouldn't want to give up the life I have now, either, though it's not perfect.

 

When I first read this story, it was so clear to me it was an autobiographical story about you. I suddenly felt conflicted becasue I know how happy you are to have your two boys in your life. On the other hand, I couldn't help but wish you gotten to know what life COULD have been like had you been giving the chance to explore that aspect of your life.

 

With that said, I've learned that we travel the road we were meant to travel and sometimes other roads were not meant to be taken. (yeah I know that sounds so storyteller of me, but it's the truth. )

 

Graeme thank you for taking a chance and telling this part of your life, nothing can express emotions better then taking a page out of real life.

Thanks! As a side point, I discussed this with my wife before submitting it. I'm very much aware that if I come out, or if I post something that could out me, it will have an impact on my family. She's very supportive (she reads everything I write) and told me that she's ready (well, as ready as she can be) if I'm outed.

 

Graeme

[CarlHoliday]

This story hit close to home. As one who didn't open the door, either, I look back and see myself not making that critical decision as ensuring my survival of the epidemic.

 

It took a long time for me to accept being gay and surprisingly it was through writing that I finally able to convince myself of the truth and admit my true nature.

 

I appreciate reading about others who agonized about this decision and, like myself, chose the other road to happiness not knowing that true happiness comes out of knowing and accepting your true self.

 

Thanks Graeme for a great story.

 

 

Carl

[Krista]

Thanks, Krista. You do realise it's autobiographical, don't you? It's not fiction....

 

 

Lol.. yeah, I realized it was autobiographical.

 

 

Krista

[old bob]

If I had my life again, but keeping what I know now, I think I'd have the confidence and courage to open that door -- but there's a price for everything.

Graeme

Thanks for a well written story,

Thanks for your frankness,

Thanks for your courage.

My personal opinion about your last phrase here above :

I believe our destiny is written, not in the circumstances of our journey, but in the goal we have to reach. That would mean : door open or not, I'm sure that nothing would have changed in your position of today : happy, wise....and writing nice stories !

[wildone]

Graeme,

 

Thank you very much for sharing your story. It was simply amazing. I applaud you for taking the risk that you did in writing this.

 

As I was reading it, I must have thought about 10 or more doors that I myself did not open. Eventually I did open one, and now my life is what my life is. Although you may question what would have happened if you did go in, I sometimes question what life would be if I didn't. I envy aspects of your life, that I probably won't get to experience, but then again I'm sure we all wonder if the grass is greener on the other side.

 

But what is more important is to appreciate what we do have, and not take it for granted on a daily basis. Sounds like you do this.

 

As far as the AIDS comment, it is a "what if?" question that we all must deal with.

 

Very thought provoking biography Graeme and once again I thank you for the courage to share it with us.

 

Now go give your wife a hug, it sounds like she deserves it .

 

Steve

[C James]

Thanks! As a side point, I discussed this with my wife before submitting it. I'm very much aware that if I come out, or if I post something that could out me, it will have an impact on my family. She's very supportive (she reads everything I write) and told me that she's ready (well, as ready as she can be) if I'm outed.

 

I hate to ask, but... Does your wife know that you use your picture as an avatar? That's perhaps not the wisest thing to do if you aren't out...

 

Graeme,

 

Thank you very much for sharing your story. It was simply amazing. I applaud you for taking the risk that you did in writing this.

 

As I was reading it, I must have thought about 10 or more doors that I myself did not open. Eventually I did open one, and now my life is what my life is. Although you may question what would have happened if you did go in, I sometimes question what life would be if I didn't. I envy aspects of your life, that I probably won't get to experience, but then again I'm sure we all wonder if the grass is greener on the other side.

 

But what is more important is to appreciate what we do have, and not take it for granted on a daily basis. Sounds like you do this.

 

As far as the AIDS comment, it is a "what if?" question that we all must deal with.

 

Very thought provoking biography Graeme and once again I thank you for the courage to share it with us.

 

Now go give your wife a hug, it sounds like she deserves it .

 

Steve

 

I think Steve raises an excellent point here: opening any door can lead to unexpected consequences, not all of them good.

 

Thank you Graeme, for sharing this part of yourself.

CJ

[Graeme]

This story hit close to home. As one who didn't open the door, either, I look back and see myself not making that critical decision as ensuring my survival of the epidemic.

 

It took a long time for me to accept being gay and surprisingly it was through writing that I finally able to convince myself of the truth and admit my true nature.

 

I appreciate reading about others who agonized about this decision and, like myself, chose the other road to happiness not knowing that true happiness comes out of knowing and accepting your true self.

It was through reading on the internet that I came to accept myself, and it was through writing that I came out to my wife. Without the internet, I suspect I'd still be in the closet.

 

Thanks, Carl!

 

Thanks for a well written story,

Thanks for your frankness,

Thanks for your courage.

My personal opinion about your last phrase here above :

I believe our destiny is written, not in the circumstances of our journey, but in the goal we have to reach. That would mean : door open or not, I'm sure that nothing would have changed in your position of today : happy, wise....and writing nice stories !

I don't disagree, but we don't know what our destiny is, so it's still a journey with an unknown ending. I'm not sure if I would be writing stories if I had opened that door. If I joined the openly gay community in Melbourne, I would have had less need to use the internet to find "relief" for my sexuality. It was through the internet that I came to writing -- because I read so many stories as a release for the pressure that was building up inside me as a closeted married gay man.

 

However, that's one of the great unknowns, and yes, I'm happy It is something that my wife and I have discussed about our boys -- all we want them to be is happy. We're aware that there's a possibility that one (or both) of them could be gay, and we don't care. The same with prospective careers. As long as they are happy, they can be beach bums for life as far as we're concerned.

 

Thank you very much for sharing your story. It was simply amazing. I applaud you for taking the risk that you did in writing this.

 

As I was reading it, I must have thought about 10 or more doors that I myself did not open. Eventually I did open one, and now my life is what my life is. Although you may question what would have happened if you did go in, I sometimes question what life would be if I didn't. I envy aspects of your life, that I probably won't get to experience, but then again I'm sure we all wonder if the grass is greener on the other side.

 

But what is more important is to appreciate what we do have, and not take it for granted on a daily basis. Sounds like you do this.

It is all too easy to take things for granted. My wife and I found ourselves in that position about ten years ago. This was in the days of BC (before children) and we suddenly realised we'd started to drift apart. We had a wake-up call and recognised what was going on and took steps to correct the situation, but it's true in any relationship. For all those couples out there -- think about it and come up with a random act of appreciation for your other half. It could be flowers, breakfast in bed, or just taking them a cup of coffee as they're doing something. Just show them that you care You could be amazed at how they react

 

Now go give your wife a hug, it sounds like she deserves it .

She most definitely does

 

I hate to ask, but... Does your wife know that you use your picture as an avatar? That's perhaps not the wisest thing to do if you aren't out...

I check with my wife before posting any public information that could be used to identify myself

 

I think Steve raises an excellent point here: opening any door can lead to unexpected consequences, not all of them good.

But that can lead to a fear of change -- which is also a problem. Check out Dezlboi's anthology entry, Awakening, for someone who decided to do something about their fear of change

 

Back to my story....

 

I'd like to claim credit for it, but I only realised the symbolic nature of that door and what was beyond it after the event I was a closeted teenager, but that door wasn't the door out of a closet, it was a door into a small room. I would be leaving the wider and better known "straight" world and entering the smaller and unknown world of being openly gay. Opening the closet door is generally taken as being a liberating step (which it is), but it is also moving the person from a big world to a small one. That small room that I couldn't enter is an analogy of the smaller community I would be joining if opened the door. How much of the bigger world outside I would be leaving behind is unknown, but at least part of it would've been closed off to me if I had opened that damned door!

[Ieshwar]

I can

[Altimexis]

Back to my story....

 

I'd like to claim credit for it, but I only realised the symbolic nature of that door and what was beyond it after the event I was a closeted teenager, but that door wasn't the door out of a closet, it was a door into a small room. I would be leaving the wider and better known "straight" world and entering the smaller and unknown world of being openly gay. Opening the closet door is generally taken as being a liberating step (which it is), but it is also moving the person from a big world to a small one. That small room that I couldn't enter is an analogy of the smaller community I would be joining if opened the door. How much of the bigger world outside I would be leaving behind is unknown, but at least part of it would've been closed off to me if I had opened that damned door!

 

Wow, this is an extraordinary insight, Graeme. As one who has published his own semi-autobiographical coming out story on line, The New Job, I can certainly understand how liberating, yet difficult it can be to write something of this nature. Like you, I express the 'gay' side of my existence on-line while my existence in the real world is comfortably heterosexual. I agree with you, the door isn't out of a closet - it is a door that leads into a much smaller room and although I have friends and colleagues who are out and happy, I cannot help but think that I would have cut myself off from a lot of the life I've lived over the past 34 years, since my sophomore year in college to use an equivalent standard. Of course things were even scarier in the 70s than in the 80s, too. The bottom line is that I couldn't change things now, nor would I want to as in my anthology story The Parallax Effect, even if I could. The fact of the matter is that I'm very much in love with my wife of 22 years and wouldn't trade one millisecond of that love for a lifetime of gay sex. And sadly, although in theory I would have no problem with being out to my friends and colleagues, it's just so much easier to live life as a heterosexual.

 

So what about today? I do think it's a lot easier for kids to be out today and, yet, there was no peer pressure to deny homosexuality when I was a teenager. It's pretty ironic, but the assumption simply was that everyone was heterosexual, since obviously none of us actually knew anyone who was gay. Today it's, 'Why aren't you dating anyone? Are you a fag?' and that's sad, even if there is more acceptance except of certain parts of the world. As always, it's the best of times, and the worst of times. If only the rooms one both sides of the door could be equal in size.

[YaP]

Hey Graeme,

 

you know i claim to be your biggest fan here in Germany for a while now... so you know i really love your writing and have been following it for quite some time (i think from the very beginning ?).

And again you don't disappoint me ;-).

If i could write, then i think it would have been something to help me come out of the closet like it seemed to have done for so many of your co-writers here. I can't really, so i depend on you to do that for me so i can come to terms through reading instead :-). Thats actually what it did to me over the last years.

I remember the "doors i didn't open" rather well... it took me a long time to finally open one or other recently. But (even though i am not a family man like you) i came to the same conclusion... i am who i am through all the decisions i made.. the doors i opened or didn't open. Its pointless to mull over what would have been different if i would have opened the door (there is one defining event i remember from 10th grade....). It could have been for the better or the worse. Well, you explained it much better than i ever could.

Thanks for sharing with us Graeme ! Keep up the good work ;-)

 

(Yet another) Pete

[Graeme]

I can