[Tiff] Awakening the Devil Within by Tiffani Chin

[Graeme]

Awakening the Devil Within by Tiffani Chin

Michael had long buried the secret he shared with his high school friends. As the years passed, the incident slipped from his mind completely. Unfortunately, not everyone forgot.

 

 

:nuke: :nuke: Spoilers Below!!! :nuke: :nuke:

[AFriendlyFace]

Oh my gosh, Tiff! WOW! This was incredible

 

I confess that when I saw the graphic I was a bit put off. I was worried that it would end up being a story about the military, which no matter how well-written I seldom enjoy. Instead I was extremely pleasantly surprised by a story that is unquestionably among the best in the anthology!

 

You offered a brilliant window into the mind of a serial killer AND into the mind of his tormentor turned victim. Both portrayals were extremely realistic and haunting and an all around joy to read! I was on the edge of my seat the whole time waiting to find out what would happen to Michael, or rather more accurately how it would happen to Michael, and darn if you still didn't manage to surprise me at the end!

 

You also did a splendid job exploring the complicated issues of culpability for one's actions, leaving the past behind, and whether it's possible to make amends in the present. I definitely look forward to these topics being discussed as the thread progresses.

 

All in all this story was dark, twisted, graphic, and violent; it was perfect!

 

-Kevin

[Meeko]

This story was more realistic then ever. Michael was a typical high school senior, following the rest of his buddies, following the clan leader, and did whatever he was told, because he didn

[Cynical Romantic]

Wow, Tiff, yet another story that makes me very sincerely hope I never do anything to piss you off or get on your bad side. You can be downright scary sometimes! The way you get into the mind of a monstrous serial killer and make him real and... almost sympathetic, even without giving him a single mitigating or redeeming quality... well, it's a bit disconcerting. You write bone-chilling fiction very, very well. Good job!

[Meeko]

Wow, Tiff, yet another story that makes me very sincerely hope I never do anything to piss you off or get on your bad side. You can be downright scary sometimes! The way you get into the mind of a monstrous serial killer and make him real and... almost sympathetic, even without giving him a single mitigating or redeeming quality... well, it's a bit disconcerting.

 

I beleive I said these very same words to her when I first read this.... LMFAO

 

<3 Tiff

[Tiff]

I confess that when I saw the graphic I was a bit put off. I was worried that it would end up being a story about the military, which no matter how well-written I seldom enjoy. Instead I was extremely pleasantly surprised by a story that is unquestionably among the best in the anthology!

 

You also did a splendid job exploring the complicated issues of culpability for one's actions, leaving the past behind, and whether it's possible to make amends in the present. I definitely look forward to these topics being discussed as the thread progresses.

Thanks, Kevin! I'm so glad you enjoyed this. I remember when I first wrote this, it was really late at night, everyone in my house was asleep, and I had some old reruns as background noise. I wrote the entire story and thought it was total crap. So usually when this happens, I send this to my beta-reader, Pete, and let him tell me what he thinks. Then I decide whether or not to keep a story. Since he loved it, I let the story breathe for a bit before making little changes and editing.

 

Anyway, I know how much you dislike military things, lol, but I figured the graphic fit right in with the story and thus decided to keep it.

 

I think it is possible to make amends for what someone did in the past. It also depends on how horrifying the act was and how much a person is willing to forgive. I know Julian could never forgive those guys for what they did to him. I'm sure they all begged and apologized in the end, but Julian was too far gone in his pain and revenge to even hear of it.

 

As for the culpability of one's actions, unfortunately, we're all responsible for the actions we partake in, whether or not we were "forced" into it by peer pressure. Ultimately, we all have the power to say no and stand up for someone else or help someone else, but if fear takes control, we're still responsible no matter what.

 

Thanks for reading and commenting, Kevin.

 

Tiff you did an incredible job on this story, with such powerful meaning. Everyone can make a difference in someone's life, you just have to remember what is right, and what isn't. Do I think Julian is a monster for what he did? No. Do I think Michael and all of his other friends didn

[kitten]

Tiff,

You've done it again, but this time even worse... or better... I don't know.

The River was one of the most disturbing stories I ever read... but this is even more so. What makes it more disturbing is the fact that in The River, though the subject matter was disturbing, I had no doubt who was 'good' and who was 'bad'. I knew what I would have done and knew that I would have been on the side of 'good'. And in the end good triumphed, though personally I would never have forgiven the mother... but that's another story (quite literally!).

 

With this story, ATDW, the basic theme isn't quite so disturbing as TR, but what was more disturbing was the fact that I identified and felt sympathy with a serial killer, and I ended up questioning my own character. Oh, and No, I had no sympathy at all for Michael. None. Not a jot.

 

Looking inside myself I found that if it hadn't been for the fact that Julian killed random innocents, if he'd just killed the six, I would have had total sympathy with him and would have cheered his actions. I might even have forgiven him for killing his parents. However, ultimately, he is responsible for his own actions, so by killing innocents he lost my sympathy.

 

This is an excellent story, it gave me a lot to think about, and I'm glad that I read it. However, I hope you won't feel insulted if I say that it wasn't exactly an enjoyable experience!

 

Great work, Tiff!

Kit

[Graeme]

I think Kit has pinpointed what's bothered me about the story. It's an excellent tale, but I really had trouble with both characters. It wasn't that I couldn't relate to them, it was how I related to them.

 

Unlike Kit, I did have sympathy for Michael. He made a major mistake and being punished for that is appropriate, but murder? That's too far.

 

But I had sympathy for Julian, too, for what he went through. What happened later was, as Kit said, the disturbing part. He became so twisted that socially he wasn't human anymore.

 

I thought it was delicious the way Julian told Michael that he was letting him go... only to kill him sometime later. How long it was between the last two scenes wasn't stated. How long did Michael go through his psychological torture of knowing Julian was out there? My best guess is that it wasn't long, because Julian couldn't afford for his real identity to become known to the authorities. It just might be enough for them to track him down. But who knows... it might have just added that extra thrill to the 'game'.

 

Well done, Tiff! Another powerful story

[Benji]

I think Kit has pinpointed what's bothered me about the story. It's an excellent tale, but I really had trouble with both characters. It wasn't that I couldn't relate to them, it was how I related to them.

 

Unlike Kit, I did have sympathy for Michael. He made a major mistake and being punished for that is appropriate, but murder? That's too far.

 

But I had sympathy for Julian, too, for what he went through. What happened later was, as Kit said, the disturbing part. He became so twisted that socially he wasn't human anymore.

 

I thought it was delicious the way Julian told Michael that he was letting him go... only to kill him sometime later. How long it was between the last two scenes wasn't stated. How long did Michael go through his psychological torture of knowing Julian was out there? My best guess is that it wasn't long, because Julian couldn't afford for his real identity to become known to the authorities. It just might be enough for them to track him down. But who knows... it might have just added that extra thrill to the 'game'.

 

Well done, Tiff! Another powerful story

 

 

Very well written story, dark and disturbing look into a sociopath serial killer. What happened to Julian may have pushed him into his revenge against the schoolmates. However I doubt that made him what he was, coldly killing his parents and others before gleefully setting out on a mission for revenge wasn't about the 'rape'. Julian was sick all along, Devoid of a 'soul', He toyed with Michael like a cat playing with a captured mouse, Michael was a fool if he thought the cat was going to let him go.

[jfalkon]

That was amazing! I love how twisted your characters are. Its a case study in humanity gone wrong. I love the way you pit a murderer and a rapist against each other and let us decide who we want to sympathize with.

[Tiff]

With this story, ATDW, the basic theme isn't quite so disturbing as TR, but what was more disturbing was the fact that I identified and felt sympathy with a serial killer, and I ended up questioning my own character. Oh, and No, I had no sympathy at all for Michael. None. Not a jot.

Quite a few people identified and felt sympathy for Julian. One of my friends read this before I posted it, and all he could talk about was the pain Julian must have gone through.

 

However, I do feel a little sympathy for Michael. He did something terrible, made a mistake, and it cost him his life. If only he had done something, or walked away, then this could have all been avoided. He didn't really think of the consequences of his actions, and that's what I feel most sorry for.

 

This is an excellent story, it gave me a lot to think about, and I'm glad that I read it. However, I hope you won't feel insulted if I say that it wasn't exactly an enjoyable experience!

I know exactly what you mean. I enjoyed writing it, but it was draining getting into Julian's head. Thanks for reading and commenting, Kit.

[Tiff]

I thought it was delicious the way Julian told Michael that he was letting him go... only to kill him sometime later. How long it was between the last two scenes wasn't stated. How long did Michael go through his psychological torture of knowing Julian was out there? My best guess is that it wasn't long, because Julian couldn't afford for his real identity to become known to the authorities. It just might be enough for them to track him down. But who knows... it might have just added that extra thrill to the 'game'.

You got it right, Graeme. When Julian told Michael he would let him go, it was all part of the game. Julian was toying with Michael to the very end.

 

I purposely didn't state how much time had transpired between the last two scenes. I figured I would leave that to the reader's imagination.

 

I imagine that if Michael had gone to someone for help, they might not have believed him. Or if they did, there was nothing they could do since Julian was a professional at being untraceable. So most liekly it was a short amount of time, but enough to freak Michael out...make him paranoid.

 

Thanks for reading and commenting!

 

Very well written story, dark and disturbing look into a sociopath serial killer. What happened to Julian may have pushed him into his revenge against the schoolmates. However I doubt that made him what he was, coldly killing his parents and others before gleefully setting out on a mission for revenge wasn't about the 'rape'. Julian was sick all along, Devoid of a 'soul', He toyed with Michael like a cat playing with a captured mouse, Michael was a fool if he thought the cat was going to let him go.

I agree that Michael and his friends didn't turn Julian into a monster. They might have been the catalysts, but I think it was lurking within Julian all along, hence, the devil has been awakened.

 

That was amazing! I love how twisted your characters are. Its a case study in humanity gone wrong. I love the way you pit a murderer and a rapist against each other and let us decide who we want to sympathize with.

I especially like this story because it seems the two characters had switched roles. Julian had been a victim and later became the tormentor/murderer. Michael had been the tormentor/rapist and now he was the victim. He experiences the fear that Julian had once experienced, although not the rape.

 

Although Julian is a cold-hearted murderer, it seems that most people sympathize with him.

 

Thanks for reading and commenting.

[kitten]

However, I do feel a little sympathy for Michael. He did something terrible, made a mistake, and it cost him his life. If only he had done something, or walked away, then this could have all been avoided. He didn't really think of the consequences of his actions, and that's what I feel most sorry for.

 

The concept of Michael making a 'mistake' was also raised by others, so I guess I may be the odd one out. However, the idea that raping someone is just a 'mistake' is completely outside my complrehension. You might as well say that Julian made a 'mistake' when he became a serial killer.

 

We make mistakes if we do something trivially wrong, or do something not realising how wrong it is, or do something without really thinking (e.g. throwing a brick over a wall without knowing someone is on the other side and is going to get killed by the brick). I'm sure that no one who thinks in terms of Michael making a mistake would consider rape to be trivial, so I can only conclude that they think he didn't know it was so wrong or that he did it without thinking.

 

Michael, however, did think; he knew what he was doing and made a deliberate choice:-

"Glancing at his friends, he knew that they were in the same predicament. Torn between right and wrong. Torn between lust and sanity. Torn between succumbing to peer pressure and salvaging the innocence of a stranger."

"With heavy feet, Michael stepped forward, his actions seeming slow to him... The sweep of his pants and boxers falling down his legs made his stomach drop."

 

So Michael knew that what he was doing was very wrong. Do those who regard his evil deed as a 'mistake' think that peer pressure is some sort of excuse? Peer pressure make be an excuse for taking up smoking, underage alcohol, or even taking drugs. It may even be a mitigating factor in bullying. However, in my opinion it is not even a tiny mitigating factor when it comes to causing serious harm to another human being.

 

What Michael did was evil. He knew it was wrong. He did it just so his friends wouldn't disapprove of him. As far as I'm concerned he does not deserve any sympathy. He and the other rapists deserve to be severely punished. Death might be considered rather too severe, but having been failed by the law and his family, killing them was the only way Julian could punish them.

 

Of course, by also killing innocent random strangers, Julian also committed evil deeds and also became deserving of severe punishment. Had he just killed the rapists (and maybe possibly also his parents) I would have wished him well for his future.

 

Kit

[Tiff]

The concept of Michael making a 'mistake' was also raised by others, so I guess I may be the odd one out. However, the idea that raping someone is just a 'mistake' is completely outside my complrehension.

 

I'm sure that no one who thinks in terms of Michael making a mistake would consider rape to be trivial, so I can only conclude that they think he didn't know it was so wrong or that he did it without thinking.

 

Michael, however, did think; he knew what he was doing and made a deliberate choice:-

So Michael knew that what he was doing was very wrong. Do those who regard his evil deed as a 'mistake' think that peer pressure is some sort of excuse? Peer pressure make be an excuse for taking up smoking, underage alcohol, or even taking drugs. It may even be a mitigating factor in bullying. However, in my opinion it is not even a tiny mitigating factor when it comes to causing serious harm to another human being.

 

I definitely don't think you're the odd man out. Writing these characters and bringing them to life took a lot of emotion out of me, so sometimes it is hard for me to explain exactly how I feel or what I mean. But while I do agree with what you're saying, I can't help thinking about Michael more in depth.

 

When I said I felt sorry for him, it wasn't because I was trivializing rape or calling it a simple mistake, because rape is anything but that. Rape is intentional, a power trip. When I think of Michael, especially when Julian 'confronts' him, I'm really thinking of the "what-ifs". What if Michael had stood up to Randy, the ringleader? What if he left and went to get help? He clearly knew what he was doing, as did the other boys. BUt since he chose to do nothing, he sealed his fate. I feel sad for Michael because if he hadn't been so scared and so stupid, his life would have had a totally different outcome and he too could have had a promising future. But he made the wrong choice, and for that I have no sympathy for Michael.

 

I know I'm probably rambling in circles and not making much sense, but Michael has me torn in some sense. Although Julian suffered more; besides the physical violation, he became this monster, unable to love anyone, going through life alone.

 

In short, these characters pull me in different directions!! You brought up/explained some great points. BTW, I also agree that peer pressure is never an excuse for anything, but sometimes it is a reason for terrible things occuring. It doesn't make it any less wrong, but it's still the reason. I don't think Michael was inherently evil, but he was weak, not strong enough to do the right thing. Unfortunately, many people, especially young ones who worry about their peers more, do the wrong thing because they rather go with the 'flow' rather than cause problems for themselves.

 

Thanks again for commenting, Kit.

[kitten]

In short, these characters pull me in different directions!!

 

Yes, I think that is one of your strengths as a writer - you don't see just the surface of a character, so you can then create real, 3-dimensional personalities for them. You can rouse emotions without using over-emotional language. You don't allow your readers to have the comfortable illusion that anything can be just black-or-white.

 

If that can be tough on the reader, I think it must be even more draining for the writer. Did you have to do something to 'unwind' after writing this? Lie down in a darkened room? Go out and party-party?

 

Kit

[Tiff]

Yes, I think that is one of your strengths as a writer - you don't see just the surface of a character, so you can then create real, 3-dimensional personalities for them. You can rouse emotions without using over-emotional language. You don't allow your readers to have the comfortable illusion that anything can be just black-or-white.

 

If that can be tough on the reader, I think it must be even more draining for the writer. Did you have to do something to 'unwind' after writing this? Lie down in a darkened room? Go out and party-party?

 

Kit

Thanks, Kit, for the compliment. I always worry how the characters come off, so if readers can really "feel" for them, then I've accomplished my goal.

 

I always feel drained after writing one of these anthologies. Short stories are usually written in one sitting. I very rarely take breaks from it, because I fear I'll lose the idea or the flow will be disrupted. For this particular story, I was up at 3 AM, on my laptop, in the kitchen, typing away with some TV show on in the background. Then I thought it was total crap, so i sent it to my beta-reader and let him give me his opinion before I progressed with it. Usually, I do need a break from a story like this, so it's usually food or sleep.

[jovian_w2002]

Spoiler:

 

Wow!!! That has to be one of the most gripping short stories I have ever read! Kudos to you! You really put yourself into the mind and shoes of the merciless serial killer. His sarcasm is top-notched and eerie.

 

LOL, rape as the "rite of passage" seems a little ironic, which is good . I had a feeling they were going to take it to "that" level, since you foreshadowed the scene perfectly in the previous scene. I believe Jeremy's/Julian's Post-traumatic Stress from the rape has spiralled out of control. It's hard to believe that someone like Julian would go on a random massacre; that is really chilling. Makes you wonder if you're truly ever safe when you step out of your home since he blends in well with society without a single suspicion.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the dominant theme in this short story is deception. In reminiscence, Michael deceived Julian by luring him into an empty classroom where he ended up getting raped. In turn, Julian deceives Michael, after learning about his sexuality, by 'dating' him and forcing him to confront with his past and his victim. The mention of the "rite of passage" seems ironic because in Jeremy's instance, it seems to indicate his change of character instead of a progression to the senior year.

 

Instead of his usual "innocent" self, he has become a "monster". This so called change alters his perception; thus, changing him into someone deceptive. As mentioned that the perpetrators have changed him into someone else, Jeremy could also allude his sadistic actions to the deception skills he acquired from them. Maybe that's one reason why he's able to escape from the police without a single trace. The rapers left scot-free from the scene - a foreshadowing that Jeremy would leave scot-free when he takes his revenge on them. Also, the mention of blood and semen foreshadows the scenes to follow: the blood signifies his kills and the semen represents his short-lived love for Michael.

 

Now here's something frightfully interesting. The military serves as a driving force to perpetuate his skills in deception. Like his post-traumatic disorder, that motivation spirals out of control as well, and this time, it turns deadlier (are you against the military? hmmm lol). Eventually, with the skills of operating firearms, he thinks he's "God": he's able to deceive others and kill. In this case, revenge is not an issue anymore. Sure revenge is sorted after, but Jeremy's perception of reality has been damaged significantly. Now, instead of gaining sympathy, he is seen, none other, than as a mordacious and sadistic being. Like the transient pleasure the people who raped him felt, he feels a "pleasurable anticipation" when he kills (shudders).

 

Anyways, hahaha, I was just trying to analyze the short story, but it's 4 am in the morning and I need my rest and I'm getting lightheaded haha, so I guess I should stop. However, it is TRULY one of the greatest short stories I have ever read - with foul languages hahaha

 

Cheers,

Jovian