There All Along by wildone

[Graeme]

There All Along by wildone

He laughs, tears escape from his mother

[AFriendlyFace]

Great story! I really enjoyed the narrative style and I found the story very compelling! In fact I was so drawn in by the story that I didn't notice the lack of a 'ghost' until the very end of the tale when you brought that feature in!

 

I was really stunned when I found out that Jim was dead! I guess upon reflection that means that Josh must have gone into his study to tell him what happened like he used to do when he was a kid. Jim himself must have simply been staying up with his wife waiting for Josh to come home after having been up all night, and of course that would explain why she sat in Jim's chair.

 

It was definitely a big surprise and very unexpected! I guess Jim really was 'there all along' though! Awesome job, Steve!

 

-Kevin

[Tiger]

Wildone has written his first story entitled "There All Along" for the fall anthology. Interestingly enough, the story is about a man who has recently found out that his son is gay. There are plenty of struggles along the way as the son grows into a teenager. Mom and Dad struggle with him as he meets someone and starts his journey of further self-discovery. Will they be able to guide him through his trials and help him to blossom as a gay teen?

 

Steve, I must say that this is a solid start for you as an author. You should be proud of yourself for this piece. I definitely recommend this story to our GA's readers, because it looks to be just the beginning for a blossoming author. Great job, Steve.

[Graeme]

I was really stunned when I found out that Jim was dead!

I went as far as to contact Steve to check if the date of death was a typo....

I guess upon reflection that means that Josh must have gone into his study to tell him what happened like he used to do when he was a kid.

That's what I thought, too. I went back over it, and I could see Josh talking to his father, even though his dad wasn't there. It was very cleverly done. The give away should have been Josh's suicide attempt, when Jim couldn't move him, but it didn't click until the end.

 

Steve, I must say that this is a solid start for you as an author. You should be proud of yourself for this piece. I definitely recommend this story to our GA's readers, because it looks to be just the beginning for a blossoming author. Great job, Steve.

Completely agree! I want to see more

[wildone]

Great story! I really enjoyed the narrative style and I found the story very compelling! In fact I was so drawn in by the story that I didn't notice the lack of a 'ghost' until the very end of the tale when you brought that feature in!

 

Thanks Kevin, I was hoping to leave the question of "What does this have to do with Ghosts?" to the end

 

I was really stunned when I found out that Jim was dead! I guess upon reflection that means that Josh must have gone into his study to tell him what happened like he used to do when he was a kid. Jim himself must have simply been staying up with his wife waiting for Josh to come home after having been up all night, and of course that would explain why she sat in Jim's chair.

 

It was definitely a big surprise and very unexpected! I guess Jim really was 'there all along' though! Awesome job, Steve!

 

-Kevin

 

I appreciate the feedback Kevin, it proved to be a bit challenging to write it in a way that when you looked back, you could see that Josh and Julie were speaking to him in a way that we all ask questions, knowing that we probably won't get answers.

 

Wildone has written his first story entitled "There All Along" for the fall anthology. Interestingly enough, the story is about a man who has recently found out that his son is gay. There are plenty of struggles along the way as the son grows into a teenager. Mom and Dad struggle with him as he meets someone and starts his journey of further self-discovery. Will they be able to guide him through his trials and help him to blossom as a gay teen?

 

Steve, I must say that this is a solid start for you as an author. You should be proud of yourself for this piece. I definitely recommend this story to our GA's readers, because it looks to be just the beginning for a blossoming author. Great job, Steve.

 

Thank you Tim. I have been humming and hawing for a while now on to putting something in, and I guess I finally found the right motivation in the theme to give it a try. I imagine Viv can tell you how I was a bit apprehensive to even ask her to take a look in the first place .

 

I went as far as to contact Steve to check if the date of death was a typo....

 

Yes, and I was not sure if I wasn't clear enough, or if it was written in a way to make you question. But your question did make me think I was on the right track

 

That's what I thought, too. I went back over it, and I could see Josh talking to his father, even though his dad wasn't there. It was very cleverly done. The give away should have been Josh's suicide attempt, when Jim couldn't move him, but it didn't click until the end.

 

 

Completely agree! I want to see more

 

I really appreciate the comments Graeme. Who knows, maybe something might strike me again, let's hope it isn't like 3 years away

[Bardeara]

I don't have time for much these days and that includes writing, but Wildone, I read your story and damn that's the best punch ending I've read in a while. I think you've out done yourself for a first time entry.

 

At first I thought there was a typo in the story and that the age was somewhere else, but once my brain caught up with the end, I think my eyes popped out of their sockets.

 

Well done, dude your clearly did a bang up job.

 

Now here comes the hard part... when do we get more?!?

[wildone]

I don't have time for much these days and that includes writing, but Wildone, I read your story and damn that's the best punch ending I've read in a while. I think you've out done yourself for a first time entry.

 

At first I thought there was a typo in the story and that the age was somewhere else, but once my brain caught up with the end, I think my eyes popped out of their sockets.

 

Well done, dude your clearly did a bang up job.

 

Now here comes the hard part... when do we get more?!?

 

Thanks Bardeara .

 

I really appreciate your comments.

 

As far as more.....um , we will have to see. No promises as of yet.

 

I'm starting to ponder what to try, but a bit unsure as of right now. Hopefully this isn't a one time thing.

 

Thanks again

 

Steve

[C James]

Wonderful. A touching story, and due to my late arrival (I've been away for a month) I wasn't thinking about the theme. I didn't suspect at all. Brilliantly done, Steve. That's a poignant and astonishing twist, superbly executed. I loved it.

 

I went as far as to contact Steve to check if the date of death was a typo....

 

That's what I thought, too. I went back over it, and I could see Josh talking to his father, even though his dad wasn't there. It was very cleverly done. The give away should have been Josh's suicide attempt, when Jim couldn't move him, but it didn't click until the end.

 

When I read about the suicide attempt, I too found the inability to move Josh odd, but my initial thought was that he was resisting. At first, I thought he was dead, but the inability to move him made me think Josh was alive. Once the reveal occurred, though, it still made perfect sense, just in a very different way.

 

Very cleverly done, Steve. Bravo.

[kitten]

This was a skilfully written story.

I enjoyed it although I guessed very early on that the father was a ghost.

 

The surprise might have worked if the story hadn't been in an anthology with the theme 'Ghosts'. However, as it was, my mind was pre-conditioned to look for 'ghost' clues right from the beginning. In fact, the pre-conditioning was such that maybe I even saw clues that were not even there! e.g.

 

"I get up slowly feeling some of his weight pressing down on my whole body"

Although not actually indicating anything ghostly directly, this somehow felt wrong, ringing warning bells in my head. This led to the following train of thought: If it was metaphorical weight, then surely it should have been something like 'weight of his worries', and as it was written, this seemed a clumsy way of using weight metaphorically. The author shows no other signs of such clumsiness, therefore maybe weight was meant literally, in which case, was the son sitting on the father?

 

"Realizing I was grasping his knee pretty hard"

Yet the son didn't react to this with at all.

 

"Although he seemed to look at me"

Seemed? If the father had been physically there, surely it would be obvious whether or not he was looking at the father?

 

Another clue was the lack of conversation between mother and father. Surely, with such momentous events there would be more than a mere "Jim, where did we go wrong?"

 

As I say, they may not be real clues, but mere figments of my imagination which had been primed by the theme of the anthology. However, overall they made me feel that the father was a ghost, and I felt my suspicions were confirmed when I got to the part where the father couldn't turn over his son's body (when thought the son had tried to kill himself).

 

Fortunately, my expectation of the ending didn't detract from my enjoyment of the story.

 

Kit

[Cynical Romantic]

Maybe it's the parallels to "The Sixth Sense" or the theme of "ghosts" that made me know pretty early on what the punchline was. Either way, I thought this was a touching story, written from the point of view of a parent who obviously cares a great deal about his son. Nicely done.

[wildone]

Wonderful. A touching story, and due to my late arrival (I've been away for a month) I wasn't thinking about the theme. I didn't suspect at all. Brilliantly done, Steve. That's a poignant and astonishing twist, superbly executed. I loved it.

 

 

 

When I read about the suicide attempt, I too found the inability to move Josh odd, but my initial thought was that he was resisting. At first, I thought he was dead, but the inability to move him made me think Josh was alive. Once the reveal occurred, though, it still made perfect sense, just in a very different way.

 

Very cleverly done, Steve. Bravo.

 

Thanks CJ. The suicide scene was one I debated on a fair bit. I wasn't sure if I wanted to include it or go a different route. Once I finally decided that I was going with it, it was probably the hardest one to not give away the fact the dad was dead.

 

I'm glad to hear from someone who maybe didn't have the theme in the forefront of their mind . It was a bit of a give away with the theme though. I thought about what Kit mentions below quite a few times.

 

 

This was a skilfully written story.

I enjoyed it although I guessed very early on that the father was a ghost.

 

The surprise might have worked if the story hadn't been in an anthology with the theme 'Ghosts'. However, as it was, my mind was pre-conditioned to look for 'ghost' clues right from the beginning. In fact, the pre-conditioning was such that maybe I even saw clues that were not even there! e.g.

 

It was kind of like being painted into a corner, hopefully it wasn't too, too obvious

"I get up slowly feeling some of his weight pressing down on my whole body"

Although not actually indicating anything ghostly directly, this somehow felt wrong, ringing warning bells in my head. This led to the following train of thought: If it was metaphorical weight, then surely it should have been something like 'weight of his worries', and as it was written, this seemed a clumsy way of using weight metaphorically. The author shows no other signs of such clumsiness, therefore maybe weight was meant literally, in which case, was the son sitting on the father?

 

"Realizing I was grasping his knee pretty hard"

Yet the son didn't react to this with at all.

 

"Although he seemed to look at me"

Seemed? If the father had been physically there, surely it would be obvious whether or not he was looking at the father?

 

Another clue was the lack of conversation between mother and father. Surely, with such momentous events there would be more than a mere "Jim, where did we go wrong?"

 

As I say, they may not be real clues, but mere figments of my imagination which had been primed by the theme of the anthology. However, overall they made me feel that the father was a ghost, and I felt my suspicions were confirmed when I got to the part where the father couldn't turn over his son's body (when thought the son had tried to kill himself).

 

Fortunately, my expectation of the ending didn't detract from my enjoyment of the story.

 

Kit

 

Thank you very much for that feedback Kit . In a way it makes me look back at the story in a more critical way. I've also learned something from your points and if, or when I write another story I will keep your questions and comments in mind. Thanks.

 

Maybe it's the parallels to "The Sixth Sense" or the theme of "ghosts" that made me know pretty early on what the punchline was. Either way, I thought this was a touching story, written from the point of view of a parent who obviously cares a great deal about his son. Nicely done.

 

Thanks for the kind words Cynical Romantic . I'm glad that you liked it .

[Benji]

Thanks CJ. The suicide scene was one I debated on a fair bit. I wasn't sure if I wanted to include it or go a different route. Once I finally decided that I was going with it, it was probably the hardest one to not give away the fact the dad was dead.

 

I'm glad to hear from someone who maybe didn't have the theme in the forefront of their mind . It was a bit of a give away with the theme though. I thought about what Kit mentions below quite a few times.

 

 

 

 

It was kind of like being painted into a corner, hopefully it wasn't too, too obvious

 

 

Thank you very much for that feedback Kit . In a way it makes me look back at the story in a more critical way. I've also learned something from your points and if, or when I write another story I will keep your questions and comments in mind. Thanks.

 

 

 

Thanks for the kind words Cynical Romantic . I'm glad that you liked it .

 

...........I thought I responded to this story before, so I am perplexed at not at reading the response's and not seeing mine.

 

I was taken back by the 'ghost theme' and didn't see it until the end. You got me there, I totally forget the theme of the anthology. It was a great one though, cleverly mixing past with present leaving the 'dead fathers' anthology the substance of the undeserved guilt/ridden complexed life of his son, to whom he always loved without reservations.

[wildone]

...........I thought I responded to this story before, so I am perplexed at not at reading the response's and not seeing mine.

 

I was taken back by the 'ghost theme' and didn't see it until the end. You got me there, I totally forget the theme of the anthology. It was a great one though, cleverly mixing past with present leaving the 'dead fathers' anthology the substance of the undeserved guilt/ridden complexed life of his son, to whom he always loved without reservations.

 

 

Thanks Benji .

 

I'm glad to hear that it did come across as a surprise when not having the ghost theme in mind. I guess in a way Josh's life may be more difficult without knowing what his Dad would think or say about him being gay. I was hoping that Josh could feel that he would have been okay with it and as you said love him without reservations.

 

If anything, that message was what I drew from my own personal experience.

[Benji]

Thanks Benji .

 

I'm glad to hear that it did come across as a surprise when not having the ghost theme in mind. I guess in a way Josh's life may be more difficult without knowing what his Dad would think or say about him being gay. I was hoping that Josh could feel that

 

 

............That being said, I would have to say I did not get to be enthralled myself in this drama. My Dad died when I was quite young I think I was was 6-7 years old.