The Mark by Phantom

[Graeme]

The Mark by Phantom

An emotional experience between two guys, one of whom you may have encountered at one point in your life.

 

 

:nuke: :nuke: Spoilers Below!!! :nuke: :nuke:

Edited January 14, 2009 by Graeme

[Graeme]

A great anthology entry for a first time. Thanks, Phantom!

 

Yes, I've met people like this, though in my case they were straight. I remember the guy, early twenties, I met in the U.K. who boasted at having slept with over a hundred women.

 

It brings to mind the phrase from the Eurythmics song Sweet Dreams:

Everybody's looking for something

Some of them want to use you

Some of them want to get used by you

Some of them want to abuse you

Some of them want to be abused

 

I wonder if the poem was inspired, maybe subconsciously, by that song?

Edited January 14, 2009 by Graeme

[Phantom]

Actually... it was an experience that I kinda wanted to get off my chest... but now that I think about it... it does sound similar to the song...

 

Thanks for pointing that out Graeme

[jovian_w2002]

Wow, if I could, I would have punched that guy on his face! LOL

 

Anyways, I love the way you wrote this narrative poem. It is one, isn't it? I especially love the way you wrote those stanzas. The flowing sentences and lack of caesuras give the poem an impression of the "jerk's" wild, barbaric nature and his reluctance to stop playing with his victim's heart. The usage of free verse seems to hint at the discordant nature between the two characters. The last two lines heavily emphasizes that the "jerk" doesn't care. He is willing to break any connection he has with him, just like how the last stanza breaks away from the original four-line stanzas. Wow, what a jerk! I feel sorry for the gullible partner.

 

*hugs* I'm really sorry if you went through this ordeal. Shame on that person.

 

Anyways, it's an AMAZING narrative poem! Kudos to ya!

[David McLeod]

I read this poem this morning, and yawned. I read it again this afternoon, and realized that I was a jerk for yawning. I plead fatigue, or lack of sunlight (it is nearly solstice, after all), fried brain cells, or just...ennui? I don't know.

 

There is a lot of substance to this narrative poem. (Yes, I think that's what it is.) There's a lot of angst, and a lot of emotion. I feel (after second reading) that I've been given a look into someone's soul. That's more than a little frightening, but it's also rewarding. The greatest gift is the gift of trust, and no author can open himself/herself that much without trusting the reader. Thank you.

[Krista]

Bleh, someone needs their ass kicked, like pow! This is an emotional narrative poem and I liked reading it.

 

Thanks for sharing this, Eric.

[jfalkon]

I like the way you told this story. I kept wondering what "the mark" was suposed to meen. The main character has a rather empty life. He can be summed up as rent boy minus the "rent". The beauty of the story is that the reader expects more from him.

[C James]

A very unusual style (to me anyway) and it works for this, I think.

 

The protagonist is someone the reader can love.... to hate.

[Phantom]

A very unusual style (to me anyway) and it works for this, I think.

 

The protagonist is someone the reader can love.... to hate.

 

Yea... you can relate huh goat? *cough scar cough*

[Toast]

The Mark by Phantom

An emotional experience between two guys, one of whom you may have encountered at one point in your life.

 

 

:nuke: :nuke: Spoilers Below!!! :nuke: :nuke:

[Toast]

Phantom,

 

I thought this was outstanding work. I am certain we many of us have been in both situations at some point in our lives great piece.

 

Richard