[Nephylim] Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace by Nephylim

[Graeme]

Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace by Nephylim

 

David 'Dai' Davies' funeral is unusual. At first the minister can't quite put his finger on why. There are definite undercurrents and it all seems to be connected with the strange boy in the courtyard, the boy that everyone strains to avoid, that the family spurn and everyone is whispering about. Who is he and what has he done to have everyone reject him so bitterly?

 

 

:nuke: :nuke: Spoilers Below!!! :nuke: :nuke:

[David McLeod]

A wonderful story! The leitmotif of the crow and the rain set and maintained a somber tone that provided structure and credibility. Little touches...shirt-sleeved in the rain, a crumpled pack of cigarettes, a metal trolly...made it so easy to visualize each scene. That something truly unpleasant was about to happen was foreshadowed by two sentences: "He was present in body but it was easy to see that mentally he was far away and they could guess exactly where he was. It was not a good place." How bad a place? Very bad...and the nature of that place became darker and darker the story progressed.

 

Why did Luke engender such strong emotion? The clues dragged me back and forth, from one theory to the next. Still, I was utterly surprised when the truth was revealed.

 

We are gently led to the conclusions, stated clearly but also inherent in the story, that "...to believe something is one thing, to impose that belief on others, to act in violence on the strength of it... that is another thing altogether. That is not acceptable..." and "Faith without mercy is cold, unforgiving and sterile, fruitless as barren soil. Belief without compassion is blind. Knowledge without wisdom can never bring true understanding."

[Cia]

This story is elegant in every way. Nephy's command of language and skill at evoking emotion with her stories is awe-inspiring for me, once again I was gripped in the very first sentence and could not put this story down until it was finished. The theme is eloquently pointed out in what I believe is a very beautiful way to say what I personally believe, to each their own. It is hard to step back and not impose your personal beliefs on others, especially family. I had to stop and think if there are other instances in which I do this as well, I am sure there is always room for more tolerance in life! Thank you for the great read, as usual!!

[Nephylim]

Wow... thanks. *huge grin* This was not an easy story to write for lots of different reasons. Firstly because I was the one in the churchyard looking at the crow when I got the idea for the story. It was my uncle's funeral and my family were not the most welcoming to me either. I was thinking about the service and the assumption that everyone who attended was Christian... which I most certainly am not. In a way it was a kind of exorcism of sorts, writing a story that was sympathetic to Chrsitianity even as it decries its dark side. Hmm... I hope I succeeded.

[David McLeod]

...Nephy's command of language and skill at evoking emotion with her stories is awe-inspiring

 

I sure wish I'd said that.

[Sam Fowler]

T second everything everyone else has said!

Being American I find it fascinating to read the names, verbiage, and references that seem strange to me, exotic, foreign, and classy.

In the U.S. I don't think we speak, or write as elegantly.

We just sort of say, "Here it is baby!" And that's that! (At least that's how I write, I hold nothing back.)

I love your writing, and your story was extremely touching and real!

It's only the second one I've read, but I can't wait to read the rest.

[Sam Fowler]

I second everything everyone else has said!

Being American I find it fascinating to read the names, verbiage, and references that seem strange to me, exotic, foreign, and classy.

In the U.S. I don't think we speak, or write as elegantly.

We just sort of say, "Here it is baby!" And that's that! (At least that's how I write, I hold nothing back.)

I love your writing, and your story was extremely touching and real!

It's only the second one I've read, but I can't wait to read the rest.

[Sam Fowler]

Well, it's obvious I don't know how to edit a post on here!

[C James]

Very well done!

 

I too had many theories throughout, but the ending surprised me.

 

Very poigniant, and well done on coloring the scenes as well.

 

Thanks you!

[Tiger]

That was truly awesome! It was obvious that there was much dysfunction from the very beginning. The pain seemed so real that you could feel it yourself. Funerals often invoke pain, but this one was worse than others in that regard. Well done. I am awestruck by the story, one that was more like a journey.

[Conner]

An extremely powerful story, Neph, powerfully told. :2hands:

 

One day I want to read a story of yours that has happier images. Things like daisies, jellybeans, white fluffy clouds and songbirds.

 

I shan't hold my breath, though.

[Dolores Esteban]

I usually lack the patience and stop reading long stories. I finished yours! You managed to draw me in. I saw the end coming, but nonetheless I enjoyed your writing. The story is very well written. Great.

 

[Nephylim]

T second everything everyone else has said!

Being American I find it fascinating to read the names, verbiage, and references that seem strange to me, exotic, foreign, and classy.

In the U.S. I don't think we speak, or write as elegantly.

We just sort of say, "Here it is baby!" And that's that! (At least that's how I write, I hold nothing back.)

I love your writing, and your story was extremely touching and real!

It's only the second one I've read, but I can't wait to read the rest.

 

 

Thank you. That was a a lovely thing to say. I think that I write in a pretty much no holds barred style to... no sunshine and lollipops at least. I hope you enjoy the rest of my stuff too. That's part of the pleasure of writing... giving pleasure in the reading.

 

Very well done!

 

I too had many theories throughout, but the ending surprised me.

 

Very poigniant, and well done on coloring the scenes as well.

 

Thanks you!

 

Thank you. I didn't think the ending was particularly surprising... but then I knew what it would be right from the start so I am not a good judge Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment it's always a thrill

 

That was truly awesome! It was obvious that there was much dysfunction from the very beginning. The pain seemed so real that you could feel it yourself. Funerals often invoke pain, but this one was worse than others in that regard. Well done. I am awestruck by the story, one that was more like a journey.

 

Wow Tiger... amazing... you even used my favourite word... awesome Can't think how you might have guessed that, it's not as if I use it much I am glad you enjoyed the journey

 

An extremely powerful story, Neph, powerfully told.

 

One day I want to read a story of yours that has happier images. Things like daisies, jellybeans, white fluffy clouds and songbirds.

 

I shan't hold my breath, though.

 

The words... cold day in hell spring to mind Nah... I do try... it just seems to come out so dark. Tell you what next time I start a story I shall think sunshine and lollipops and see where it leads... might be interesting at that

 

I usually lack the patience and stop reading long stories. I finished yours! You managed to draw me in. I saw the end coming, but nonetheless I enjoyed your writing. The story is very well written. Great.

 

 

 

Thank you. I am so glad you stayed with me through the story. This was a huge veering off my usual track for me so I am really glad it payed off and didn't come over as trite. Thanks again

 

Thank you to all of you. I am thrilled.

[Tiger]

Some of us like darkness. I certainly do. And this one was plenty dark.

[Toast]

Your story left me stunned. Your writing is so evocative. Your phrasing beautiful, often breathtaking. A story shaped into a diamond.

 

Sam

[Nephylim]

Your story left me stunned. Your writing is so evocative. Your phrasing beautiful, often breathtaking. A story shaped into a diamond.

 

Sam

 

 

Thank you Sam. I am so glad you liked it

[Ieshwar]

It

[Linxe Termoil]

Very heartbreaking, I found this story to be. There has to be another story with Luke and Adin in it somewhere. I think. The man is dead, now the family has to heal and get along. I want to hear that story. Tell it! I command it!

 

 

~The Linch of Xmas

[Nephylim]

It's not recommended to change POVs during story, especially in short stories. But here, it added a special touch to the story; it complemented the confusion and the conflict in the characters' story while giving us a closer approach to them. It was like watching jigsaw pieces falling in places and in the end, everything turned clear. It was a very touching story with strong well-developed characters. I loved it.

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

 

Sorry I missed this post. Thanks for your comment. I have a tendency to change POV because I tend to tell a story by describing scenes that I see visually rather than partocularly as it is being told by one person. I have never really thought about whether it works or not because it's just what I do. I have been experimenting recently, too, with different styles, persons, tenses etc and I am glad that, at least on this occasion it worked. I am glad that the pieces fell together for you in the end. Of course I knew what was happening from the start so it is hard to juge how it works for people who don't.

Glad you enjoyed.

 

 

Very heartbreaking, I found this story to be. There has to be another story with Luke and Adin in it somewhere. I think. The man is dead, now the family has to heal and get along. I want to hear that story. Tell it! I command it!

 

 

~The Linch of Xmas

 

Well now, a command is it? I don't usually respond too well to being told what to do ... but seeing it's you I'll think about it When I am working on less than three other things at the same time

[Linxe Termoil]

I'm also under the impression that Luke is the eldest of the siblings? Can he not gain custody of the kids? Contest his father's will? It's obvious the children would not fare well under their grandmother's care.

 

6 years, I'm under the impression that Luke would have been 18 or so when he left the home, if not before then. I'm also curious as to what all these lies were told and whom they were told too, that part was not clear. I think perhaps CPS? (Child Protection services). If the youngest daughter was 6 and is now 12, that places Luke at 24 (give or take) How old is Jonathan? I'm under t he impression that he is still a young teenager, along with the elder sister? She's what...20...22? Yet to me she is still poison, but there was also a phrase that made me think she was older then Luke.

 

 

But, I rather like my idea. He's the eldest child, and went through a lot of self sacrifice... Kick the evil granny's butt out and get custody of the children...Luke can do it wo-man! And so can you...

 

 

PLLEEEEEAAZZZZZEEEEEEE. I'll finish my anthol story if you write this new story.

 

 

Besides, think about all the challenges that have to be overcome. A wicked granny, courts, past blames and accusations, self doubt, not only in the MC (Luke) and his partner(??) Adin, but in the other siblings.

 

We want the story...and...I'm sure there are other people that want it too. (and I'm totally not going to leave you alone until I get it buahahah)

 

 

Soooo... Who is

 

 

 

 

 

Speak up peepz.

 

That crazy kitty

Edited December 26, 2009 by Linxe Termoil

[Nephylim]

That's not exactly the way I was seeing it.

 

Luke is the oldest he was 14/15 at the time so he's 20 going on 21. I think his friends have a party lined up... although that might all go wrong He's not 'with' Adin as such but there have been signs of something blossoming between them. Luke has a bit of an issue with sex and generally with people.

 

Emma is just over a year younger so she is almost 20. She's finished school and working as a secretary to a law firm. She's a total slut and not really all that nice.

 

Jonathan is in his final year at school and has just gone 18 and the little one is 12 almost 13.

 

Having said that I'm still not sure about writing this story. I have too much else on at the moment. I have three stories in the writing and another one hovering and demanding attention. I may write it, I may not.

 

 

[Johnathan Colourfield]

Just Wow Nephy. Another perfectly crafted story by the goddess that practically invented darkness for this microcosm of GA. This took me in so many different directions and moved me through many emotions. Such perfection for a developing writer such as yourself, as with Camilo i commend you highly to anyone, i am in love with your works and i always have been and always will do. I hope to get started on your other works at some point.

 

You truly are an idol here at GA.

 

Johnathan xx

 

 

[Nephylim]

What can I say to that I hope I can live up to it

[jfalkon]

This story was beautifully written. I love the comparison of the mean old grandmother to a hen. It just makes me want to get a broom and chase her away.

It is a sad story but the end is hopeful. It left me wondering what will happen after the funeral.