The Search for Pandora by Graeme

[Graeme]

The Search for Pandora by Graeme

 

Iswirl and Herk are searching for Herk's sister and they are down to their last lead.

 

 

:nuke: :nuke: Spoilers Below!!! :nuke: :nuke:

[gabrielsknife]

Interesting to say the least!

 

It was a bit difficult to digest in the beginning. I'm still not quite sure what Iswirl looks like, but the note at the bottom really helped piece everything together. I'm not sure if I'm going in the right direction with this, but I'm somewhat reminded of Species 8(whatever the rest of the number was lol) from Star Trek Voyager.

 

The ending was unexpected and rather quaint; I've pulled the same thing once before with a fantasy story. At the same time, it was a little jarring and left me a little dazed.

 

One thing I would recommend would be to go easy on the techno-jargon. It was a little disorienting, trying to piece Iswirl's description from such phrases as "three smaller manipulative arms at the top of his body to lift a piece of biological material to his olfactory organ, and then to his consumption orifice." Now, while this is so increadibly in character for Iswirl, getting sentences like this was like getting a jab to the face. "Boom! Process this, useless carbon-based humanoid!"

 

You defiantly require a re-read to process all the information. And you did catch my attention at the beginning. When you mentioned the "aural bond", I kinda had a feeling of where the story was going. But that's okay, because the result of the bond and the ending make up for that.

 

This obviously isn't your first story, but is this your first exploration into sci-fi? If so, what was your inspiration for Iswirl's race? Did you mean to make him as alien (I don't want to compare him Vulcans but the mind-set is kinda there) as you could? (Sorry, I'm always curious on how other people make their alien races ).

[Graeme]

Interesting to say the least!

 

It was a bit difficult to digest in the beginning. I'm still not quite sure what Iswirl looks like, but the note at the bottom really helped piece everything together. I'm not sure if I'm going in the right direction with this, but I'm somewhat reminded of Species 8(whatever the rest of the number was lol) from Star Trek Voyager.

 

The ending was unexpected and rather quaint; I've pulled the same thing once before with a fantasy story. At the same time, it was a little jarring and left me a little dazed.

 

One thing I would recommend would be to go easy on the techno-jargon. It was a little disorienting, trying to piece Iswirl's description from such phrases as "three smaller manipulative arms at the top of his body to lift a piece of biological material to his olfactory organ, and then to his consumption orifice." Now, while this is so increadibly in character for Iswirl, getting sentences like this was like getting a jab to the face. "Boom! Process this, useless carbon-based humanoid!"

Thanks for the comments. I certainly see what you're talking about. One of the things, though, was that the story had to be told from Iswirl's point of view (for reasons obvious at the end), even though it was written in third person, and thus it had to be alien. I realised that that meant it wasn't as easy to read, but I would have thought that an alien that sounded too much like a human wouldn't be appropriate.

 

You defiantly require a re-read to process all the information. And you did catch my attention at the beginning. When you mentioned the "aural bond", I kinda had a feeling of where the story was going. But that's okay, because the result of the bond and the ending make up for that.

Actually, I had hoped people would re-read it because of the information at the end of the story, and realise there's a completely different level to some of the things that were said or done Such as Qaidren's objection to impersonal pronouns.

 

This obviously isn't your first story, but is this your first exploration into sci-fi? If so, what was your inspiration for Iswirl's race? Did you mean to make him as alien (I don't want to compare him Vulcans but the mind-set is kinda there) as you could? (Sorry, I'm always curious on how other people make their alien races ).

This is only my second attempt at science fiction, and my first alien race (I did create a monster in another short story, but that was only attempt at horror, and it didn't really work). My first attempt at SF is also here at GA -- it's my entry in the Endings & Beginnings anthology.

 

Yes, I wanted him to be alien. I have a view that alien races aren't going to be like humans. There may be some similarities in some areas, but there has to be something to make them, well, alien! In this particular case, I wanted an 'aura perception and manipulation' capability, so I gave the race an aquatic basis (taking advantage of what I knew about sharks and electric eels) so I could merge known characteristics of several aquatic species, as listed in the note at the end.

 

I was also influenced by a book about dragons. The Flight of Dragons by Peter Dickinson explores the scientific basis for dragons. The view in that book is that all characteristics of a dragon should derive from a single evolutionary function if they were to be reasonable. I did the same with the Qaidren. They had one evolutionary 'skill' (the aural capabilities) and everything else was minor. Giving an alien species too many capabilities is, to me, cheating, unless you can explain it.

[Benji]

.........Very interesting story Graeme! I found the ending more enlightening, the escapism from reality by Adam is the most reveling of the point of the story. Sadly the twist is, that is the reality of too many kids!

[C James]

I loved this story... And, although I know Graeme's work and thus expect a brilliant, unexpected twist at the end, that took me by surprise (when Adam was revealed).

 

The first time I read the story, a few things seemed incongruous to me (such as arguing personal issues in the face of imminent danger) but make perfect sense once you know what is actually going on.

 

This was a very well thought out and constructed story, with multiple levels of meaning to many aspects (such as the objection to impersonal pronouns).

 

The physiology of Iswirl, as well as his alienness, is very well portrayed. He comes across as very alien, as he should.

 

Well done, Graeme!

CJ

[Graeme]

.........Very interesting story Graeme! I found the ending more enlightening, the escapism from reality by Adam is the most reveling of the point of the story. Sadly the twist is, that is the reality of too many kids!

I was a reality for me, personally, though not for the same reasons as Adam. I was just lonely, and I found friends and adventure in reading. I used to read in class, too, but the teachers generally knew I knew the stuff they were teaching and let me get away with it

 

This story just brings that behaviour into the modern world, where some kids find the online life more interesting than their own.

 

I loved this story... And, although I know Graeme's work and thus expect a brilliant, unexpected twist at the end, that took me by surprise (when Adam was revealed).

 

The first time I read the story, a few things seemed incongruous to me (such as arguing personal issues in the face of imminent danger) but make perfect sense once you know what is actually going on.

I should clarify that C James was one of my beta-readers, and I changed the scene with the arguing a little to make it not as incongruous as it was originally

 

This was a very well thought out and constructed story, with multiple levels of meaning to many aspects (such as the objection to impersonal pronouns).

 

The physiology of Iswirl, as well as his alienness, is very well portrayed. He comes across as very alien, as he should.

This story also gave me a fresh appreciation for those that write science-fiction and fantasy. It was difficult to come up with a creature that came across as alien (while, in reality, it wasn't), and especially without swamping the story with background information to explain the alien behaviour. I've been reading science-fiction and fantasy since I was very young, but it's never been a genre that I've felt comfortable writing in. I would probably do better in fantasy than science fiction, but creating a new world with its own rules is something that I find daunting. To those that can just write in this genre... well, my hat goes off to you!

[Procyon]

I recognise the frustration when you get cut off from your online life, and I think it's the same for many people these days, even if they're not as lonely as Adam. There are so many more ways of escaping your 'real' life now than there used to be -- when I was a teenager you'd necessarily be lonely if you tried to escape from your classmates or family, but now you can actually have a social life online -- and that's real life too, even though you don't see people in person. And even if it's a computer game, you get to know real people too, sooner or later.

 

Interesting story, thanks!

[Toast]

Okay, I adore Iswirl. Alien or not, I can see why Herk had no trouble accepting Iswirl as a companion and more... someone he would not leave to die alone, even while trying to rescue his sister. And visa versa, I can see why Iswirl would join in on Herk's quest. Really this story has wonderful depth. And finally, I can see why Adam would create such a world. Where one is accepted.

 

A really wonderful story, Graeme, thank you.

 

I think I will think about it for a while.

[Altimexis]

What an amazing story with an incredible surprise ending. That Adam made his character Iswirl's species single-sex, as I did with my character Lansley in my anthology story, The Binary Planet, says a lot. Prejudice against homosexuals certainly seems stupid when confronted with a species in which homosexuality is the norm.

 

More than anything, I found this story to be incredibly depressing and all too real. It's hard to believe that parents could be so cold as to effectively tell their gay son that life isn't fair and that he needs to put up with blatant homophobic bullying, and yet we know this happens all the time. How sad it is that Adam has to escape into a fantasy game world because he finds real life intolerable. He is precisely the kind of teen who is at high risk for suicide. If only his parents would recognize that their son's retreat into the world of computer games is a symptom of a very troubled child. If only they would stand up for their son and demand the school provide a safe environment, free of bullying, as is most likely required by law. Life isn't fair and some laws may not be just, but schools are required to provide a safe environment for all their children. Shouldn't parents do the same?

[Kev de Cauchery]

I like this story a whole lot, and feel very personally connected.

 

Either it's being cut away from Internet, or being the unaccpeted one at school, this story stirkes home.

 

And I do like the twist towards the end.

 

Short as the story, I already feel very connected to Iswirl Viulve. And it's so nice that it's the anagram of the mantra, "I will survive."

 

And I wonder how it'll be for Herk and Brett.

[Red_A]

I always expect an entertaining, interesting unusual story from Graeme.

 

It was a mixture of curiousity and expectation when I started, especially with a title of The Search for Pandora, this to me has the sub title "All the Ills of the World". The story started at a gentle pace, with a classic alien story. Then a break, our hero feels for an really out of this world alien, another surpise A small reveal, the hero is gay.

 

Then a blackout, Confusion. This story now has too be started again, the first part now says more about Adam than the second part.

 

The story is now revealed like a sun beam thru an east window at dawn. Another master piece from Graeme.

[Riley Jericho]

The end was certainly a surprise - and clearly it defines the real beginning. Once we met Adam, the first part began to make a lot more sense! I assume there's more to come??

 

Riley

[Graeme]

Thanks, everyone!

 

Okay, I adore Iswirl. Alien or not, I can see why Herk had no trouble accepting Iswirl as a companion and more... someone he would not leave to die alone, even while trying to rescue his sister. And visa versa, I can see why Iswirl would join in on Herk's quest. Really this story has wonderful depth. And finally, I can see why Adam would create such a world. Where one is accepted.

Adam has a need to have friends. He's finding them in a fantasy world, but that need drives some of his personality, and hence Iswirl's personality Anyone who's read a reasonable number of my stories will realise that the need for friends is a often-used theme. I'll be honest, that's not something I deliberately put into them apart from with my last novel (The Price of Friendship), but in hindsight it's obvious. I suppose that says something about me

 

What an amazing story with an incredible surprise ending. That Adam made his character Iswirl's species single-sex, as I did with my character Lansley in my anthology story, The Binary Planet, says a lot. Prejudice against homosexuals certainly seems stupid when confronted with a species in which homosexuality is the norm.

Well... it's not actually obvious in the story if the Qiadren race is single sex or not. What is stated is that they are initially sexless, and they only develop sexually after acquiring an aural bond. Some fish species can change sex under certain circumstances, and since the Qiadren race has been based on a mixture of aquatic traits, it's possible that they do have multiple sexes, but you don't know what sex you'll be until the time comes

 

More than anything, I found this story to be incredibly depressing and all too real. It's hard to believe that parents could be so cold as to effectively tell their gay son that life isn't fair and that he needs to put up with blatant homophobic bullying, and yet we know this happens all the time. How sad it is that Adam has to escape into a fantasy game world because he finds real life intolerable. He is precisely the kind of teen who is at high risk for suicide. If only his parents would recognize that their son's retreat into the world of computer games is a symptom of a very troubled child. If only they would stand up for their son and demand the school provide a safe environment, free of bullying, as is most likely required by law. Life isn't fair and some laws may not be just, but schools are required to provide a safe environment for all their children. Shouldn't parents do the same?

The line between bullying and normal developmental struggles can sometimes be very fine. What needs to be done is to take into account the people involved. Pushing and shoving to get first place in a line can be just normal boy behaviour between two roughly equally males. If one those males is a lot weaker than the other, though, it's bullying. Some parents don't recognise that. They see that their son needs to 'toughen up' if he's to survive in the world after school, but don't see that he needs to 'toughen up' slowly. Parents can often have a very mistaken view of their own kids, either seeing them as weaker than they are (the overly-protective parent) or stronger than they are (the ones that take a throw-them-in-the-deep-end approach).

 

I'm not saying that Adam's parents are innocent, but their mistakes are, unfortunately, too common and easily understood.

 

We have a couple of books on bullying here because one of our boys was bullied a few years ago. One of the points that's raised is that the kids often only tell people in authority of a few incidents, and so those people in authority (eg. parents) don't see the real picture. They only see isolated events. One of the techniques the books suggested was to keep a 'bullying diary'. That way a history and pattern of bullying can be displayed when it all comes to a head, not just the final incident when the bullied kid is pushed too far.

 

Short as the story, I already feel very connected to Iswirl Viulve. And it's so nice that it's the anagram of the mantra, "I will survive."

It took me a while to work out Iswirl's name, since having an appropriate mantra was a key part of Adam's reason to create him

 

It was a mixture of curiousity and expectation when I started, especially with a title of The Search for Pandora, this to me has the sub title "All the Ills of the World".

I was aiming for the last part of the classic Pandora story -- she also held hope

 

The end was certainly a surprise - and clearly it defines the real beginning. Once we met Adam, the first part began to make a lot more sense! I assume there's more to come??

I won't discount the possibility of more, but I'm not planning it at the moment. There's already another short story of mine that I'd like to continue if I can work out where to take the story.

 

Thanks again, everyone! I really appreciate all the comments.

[Nephylim]

I got a little confused by what was going on the first time I read it. then I read it again knowing what happens at the end and it was truly awesome. The subleties, the things that don't feel quite right the first time through make perfect sense. There was one point during the story, and I can't remember where it was now that I'm writing this but anyway somewhere... I thought... this feels like something from WOW (being the only online computer game I have ever played.) and reading it the second time it didn't. How strange is that? Fab story Graeme

[Hamen Cheese]

Hit a little close to home.

[Dolores Esteban]

I very much enjoyed this story. I first thought it was set in outer space and I was truly interested in what was going on. I had no doubt they were looking for Herk's sister. So, Herk's bond mate was a true surprise. I stopped short at the word Adam, yet still thought the story was a sci-fi story. So, the ending really took me by surprise. It was unexpected. I had to change my view on the story rather abruptly. The sudden turn made me stop and think and really get the message of the story. Very good

 

[Guest The Nature Nut]

Nice, very visual, cool twist.

[C James]

One other thing that struck me is the way you can see, if you look back, a lot of Adam in the very alien Iswirl.

 

 

 

It is stated that it an online game, so Herk and Bret are most likely other players. Do they know each other offline? Do they know Adam?

 

There were certainly many doors left wide open to continue this.

[jfalkon]

This is exactly the kind of story I would expect from Greame and yet I did not see the ending comming! I remember thinking he has realy gone in a differnt direction this time. The aregunent over personal problems during a life threatening emergency seemed very human to me. (I have seen it happen.)

 

Good Job:2thumbs: