Volume Two, Edition Three

December 2006

The Fun & Games Page

On this page you will find puzzles and games to keep you entertained, jokes to bring a smile to your face, artwork by members and fun facts to bamboozle your mind.  Game grids have been created in png format so can be copied into a Word document/image editor and printed. Right click on the game grid and save the image to your desktop (available to readers of the online version only).

Page 6

Famously Unfortunate Quotations

"Whatever happens, the U.S. Navy is not going to be caught napping."
- Frank Knox, U.S. Secretary of the Navy, on December 4, 1941

"It will be years - not in my time - before a woman will become Prime Minister."
- Margaret Thatcher, 1974, elected Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in 1979

"Theoretically, television may be feasible, but I consider it an impossibility--a development which we should waste little time dreaming about."
- Lee de Forest, 1926, inventor of the cathode ray tube

 

"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields

 

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a practical form of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
- Western Union internal memo, 1878

 

"There is not the slightest indication that [nuclear energy] will ever be obtainable. It would mean that the atom would have to be shattered at will."
- Albert Einstein, 1932

 

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."

- Britney Spears on being famous

 

"An end is in sight to the severe weather shortage."

- Ian MacAskill, BBC weather forecaster

 

"Your ambition - is that right - is to abseil across the English channel?"
- Cilla Black

 

"The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder."
- Richard Daley, former Mayor of Chicago

 

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
- Dan Quayle, former US Vice President

Wordsearch: Find The Author!

 

In the winter blizzards, some of our authors have gotten lost.  Look left, look right, look up, look down, you can even look diagonally, but can you find them all?

 

Authors To Find

 

Bill W

Christopher P Lydon

Comicality

Dan Kirk

Davey

Dezlboi

Dio Beckstead

DomLuka

Don Hanratty

Empathy

Formosa

GhostRyder

Jack Scribe

Kendercleric

LittleBuddhaTW

Luc

Myr

NickolasJames

Razor

RHawes

Stefan Schmidt

TheZot

Tiffani Chin

Underthehoodster

Viv

Vlista

 

 

Geisha © 2006 Birdsofafeather

GAzette Sudoku

Don't know how to play Sudoku?  http://www.sudokudaily.net/instructions/

A Dietician addressing a large audience declared, "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago.

"Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is
full of MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realise the
long-term harm caused by the bacteria in our drinking water.

"But there is one thing, above all, that is the most dangerous of all, and
we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A tired-looking man got slowly to his feet and said, "Wedding Cake?"

Weird Facts


It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

In Texas, it's against the law for anyone to have a pair of pliers in his or her possession.

In Singapore, it is illegal to chew gum.

In New York City, it is illegal to keep an elephant in an apartment.

In Arizona, any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask automatically becomes a felony.

In Arizona, it is specifically illegal to keep a donkey in a bathtub

The little bags of netting for gas lanterns (called 'mantles') are radioactive - so much so that they will set of an alarm at a nuclear reactor. They are made from Thorium.

The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.

The car in the foreground on the back of a $10 bill is a 1925 Huptmobile.

By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.

If you are locked in a completely sealed room, you will die of carbon dioxide poisoning before you will die of oxygen deprivation.

It's A Strange World

 

Can you answer these bizarre geography questions? (Answers at the bottom of page 7)

 

1. What foreign country do you first encounter if you head South from Detroit?

2. There is still a European colony in North America. Where is it?

 

3. What is the national animal of Thailand?

 

4. In which country is the town with the longest name in the world?

 

5. What is the oldest country in the world?

Trust Your Doctor

 

Below is a list of genuine comments made on medical charts by doctors:

 

"The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993."

 

"Discharge status: Alive but without permission."

 

"Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree."

 

"Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."

 

"When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."

 

"Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."

 

"The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."

 

"The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him."

 

"The patient expired on the floor uneventfully."

 

"She is numb from her toes down."

 

"While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."

 

"She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce."

 

"The skin was moist and dry."

 

"Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."

 

"Patient was alert and unresponsive."

 

"On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely."

 

"Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."

 

"Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."

 

"The patient refused an autopsy."

 

"The patient has no past history of suicides."

 

"Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."

 

"Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."

 

"She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."

 

"I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy."

 

"The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead."

 

"Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."

 

"Skin: Somewhat pale but present."

 

"By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart stopped, and he was feeling better."

Answers to the crossword, wordsearch and sudoku will be provided on the forum on December 31st 2006