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Added chapter 1 Part One – Remembrance to Il Sogno di Henry Hay - Opera LibrettoAC Benus - Yesterday, 06:53 PM
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Added story Il Sogno di Henry Hay - Opera LibrettoAC Benus - Yesterday, 06:53 PM
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Added chapter 4 Chapter 4 - Liam's Lesson to The Shadow In The NightRobsWriting - Yesterday, 03:19 AM
1. Chapter One (Story Prologue) Reviews
(Chapter 1 Review)
I blame you for my not getting sleep last night!
I found the title titillating, and saw that it took place in North Georgia, having just moved from Dahlonega myself. I thought I’d sample a chapter or two, just to see, but got sucked in and read all ten. I enjoyed the story, the writing was good, and I look forward to it being continued, but I do have some comments:
To me, this story should be written from the first person, especially as it has a tone of being told in reflection, through experience, than from the point of view of a young teenager; if it were ‘of the moment’, his uncertainty, as a young teenager, doesn’t work well for me. Also, I found the ancillary scenes, without Ryan, a little jarring.
I can see this getting gratuitous, as in the water bottle scene. What you’re writing is bold and rings true, but should be focused to your audience. If this is for young men, then it’s too explicit. If this is for older men, then it runs the risk of being porn.
It also needs to be edited for content. You present such strong characters and situations that I found myself skipping over sections of nostalgia, looking for what happens next.
Like I said, I look forward to reading more, and seeing what happens to the guys.
I found the title titillating, and saw that it took place in North Georgia, having just moved from Dahlonega myself. I thought I’d sample a chapter or two, just to see, but got sucked in and read all ten. I enjoyed the story, the writing was good, and I look forward to it being continued, but I do have some comments:
To me, this story should be written from the first person, especially as it has a tone of being told in reflection, through experience, than from the point of view of a young teenager; if it were ‘of the moment’, his uncertainty, as a young teenager, doesn’t work well for me. Also, I found the ancillary scenes, without Ryan, a little jarring.
I can see this getting gratuitous, as in the water bottle scene. What you’re writing is bold and rings true, but should be focused to your audience. If this is for young men, then it’s too explicit. If this is for older men, then it runs the risk of being porn.
It also needs to be edited for content. You present such strong characters and situations that I found myself skipping over sections of nostalgia, looking for what happens next.
Like I said, I look forward to reading more, and seeing what happens to the guys.
Reply from Riley Jericho (author)
Sorry I missed replying to the review, as it was linked to an earlier chapter. Firstly thanks for reading. I guess everyone writes in their own way. Mine might be a little weird in terms of perspective, but I hope you still find it readable.
Riley
Riley
(Chapter 1 Review)
i've read quite a bit of this story when it was first on here, im excited your giving it another get go
Reply from Riley Jericho (author)
Hello Mark.
With the help of Andy and Neph, hopefully written somewhat better now.
Thanks for the note
With the help of Andy and Neph, hopefully written somewhat better now.
Thanks for the note
(Chapter 1 Review)
I have been looking forward for ages for this story coming back
Reply from Riley Jericho (author)
Hi Simon! Well, back it is - and thanks for dropping a review to let me know you're reading.
Riley
Riley
(Chapter 1 Review)
Glad Luke is back in town(?). This was the kind of story I was looking forward to and missed it when it was discontinued.
I can't remember anything so seriously wrong that could people give reason to complain about so let us just enjoy the humour that this story has.
I can't remember anything so seriously wrong that could people give reason to complain about so let us just enjoy the humour that this story has.
Reply from Riley Jericho (author)
Hi Joey. Well Luke never really left, but we've got back to the story and I hope many still enjoy reading it.
Thanks for the review.
Riley
Thanks for the review.
Riley
(Chapter 1 Review)
I am really looking forward to this story and I'm so glad you're continuing it.
Reply from Riley Jericho (author)
I'm looking forward to telling it!
Riley
Riley
(Chapter 1 Review)
Riley! Riley! Riley! I'm so glad you're posting this story! Since quite a few readers mentioned this in their review of "In Safe Hands" (still crying, btw), I've been eager to read it! =)
From what I gathered in the prologue, something was wrong under the foreskin, that's why Luke is being circumsized, right? I mean I've never really heard of any one other than babies getting circumsized in a hospital or at a bris.
Looking forward to the next chapter Riley!
From what I gathered in the prologue, something was wrong under the foreskin, that's why Luke is being circumsized, right? I mean I've never really heard of any one other than babies getting circumsized in a hospital or at a bris.
Looking forward to the next chapter Riley!
Reply from Riley Jericho (author)
Hi Lisa. Yep, here it is. ET has a long way to go and there are some shocks and surprises along the way. And as to what's wrong with Luke? Well, read on MacDuff!
Riley
Riley
(Chapter 1 Review)
I remember this story Riley. The first time I read it, it was awesome. I can't remember though if you put that much detail in the first time... anyway, getting off track.
I really liked... you never did finish this story .. I have been waiting patiently... yay I give you an A+ very well done...
I really liked... you never did finish this story .. I have been waiting patiently... yay I give you an A+ very well done...
Reply from Riley Jericho (author)
Other than tidying up a bit, the Prologue is as it was. The main thrust of the story wont change and of course you haven't seen the ending yet. Maybe it'll surprise even you?
Thanks for waiting - and enjoy the read!
Riley
Thanks for waiting - and enjoy the read!
Riley
(Chapter 1 Review)
Ouch. What a hook!
To all those who want to ban circumcision, this story could be a revelation. But then again, noting human stubbornness, probably not....
To all those who want to ban circumcision, this story could be a revelation. But then again, noting human stubbornness, probably not....
Reply from Riley Jericho (author)
Hi Dave - it got your attention then! Yep, it'll certainly touch on that...I guess we see where it leads us.
Riley
Riley




(Chapter 1 Review)
Firstly let me state that in this very first installment there is quite a clear object lesson for any male who has not been circumcised
It's amazing how often one hear of menfolk who are in need of surgery just because they have not been taught by their parents to retract their foreskins and clean appropriately when the have a bath or shower - if this simple routine has been instilled from childhood, how could there ever be occasion for such drastic measures of wiggling some cold chrome instruments under the cav of the patient? It's rather beyond me that Luke did not know that 'under ther' actually existed! Really - and this is not meant judgmentally at all. So much more reason for a socalled enlightened age to arrive properly where there ain't no bashfulness or false modesty not to want to tallk aobut these essential personal hgiene "tricks" that needs to be administered on a daily basis. And, yes, hoping against hope that all "untouched" gaylings reading this story will take note. Who ever would have thought that GA could be the ideal primer in many respects for many dirrerent kind of readers
In closing, I really appreciated that bit about nothing on but his t-shirt and socks! Me thinx its rather sexy
Ta stax, Riley, for - what I can allready feel in my bones - is going to be another great story
There's certainly some things that will come out in regards to circumcision, though the story is much much more than that. Should Luke have known about retracting foreskins? Possibly not if his very British patents didn't think to have it checked. One of the strings to the tale is the differences in cultures - even between countries that - nearly - speak the same language?
Thanks for reviewing - and hope you keep at it!
Riley