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    comicfan
  • comicfan
  • Author
  • 08/01/2011
  • 476 Words
  • 857 Views
  • 6 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Inspired by - 7. Prompt 48 - The Customer

The challenge was a describe a person but never once mention their name. I give you, "The Customer" for your reading pleasure.

In a room full of copy cats she stood out. It was hard to imagine a woman like that would willingly come into a place like this. I mean I did work in one of the crappiest places in town, but at least the food served here was halfway decent.

She seemed to just float over to the bar. Her long dark tresses gently bouncing behind her like waves on the shore. I swear it was like she had captured little flares of red deep in that dark mass of hair. She wasn't a tall woman. Hell if I had to guess she was maybe 5'3'' or 5'4''. She was thin but with enough weight on her to give her curves, not like so many of the stick figures scattered around in here. Her clothing fit without being too tight. In fact, her dress seemed to caress her figure, and the color choice appeared to have been picked to set off her tan. She wore these boots that stopped mid-calf and showed off her legs. And talk about legs, these were the kind that put that old poster of Betty Grable that Tom hung behind the bar to shame.

"I'll have water please, with a twist of lemon and your menu," came a deep honey voice. God, I wanted to follow her anywhere she wanted to go. Even her voice was enough to get a response from me.

She was taken from the bar to a table in the next section over from me. I could see her manicured fingers stroke the side of the menu as she tried to decide what she wanted. Her nails were a pale pink that somehow made her seem like an innocent girl although the cut of her dress allowed you to see that she was clearly all grown up. The slight catch of her breathe as she spotted something on the menu nearly had me running to her side. Bobby was the lucky one who got to serve her and I watched as he sauntered up and pitched his voice lower in hopes of impressing her.

"Are you ready to order, Miss? If you would like a suggestion I'd be happy to tell you what our most popular menu items are?" I watched as he leaned in and smiled hopefully at her.

"No, I'll have the fish and chips," she said with a shy smile, handing him the menu. She seemed relaxed and comfortable at the table by herself. Why on earth would such a beautiful woman be eating alone?

Bobby quickly nodded and walked away with her order.

"Damn, Mac, that is one woman I wouldn't mind putting on the menu," Bobby whispered to me as he walked by.

For once I couldn't help but agree with him.

So did you get the image of my customer? Do you have a feeling you would know her if you saw her? If I did my job please let me know. If I missed the mark, tell me. Naturally if you thought it was good a happy point is appreciated.
Copyright © 2011 comicfan; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Frostina

oooh, so she looks like me, yes? :D all except for the manicured nails, that is! lol

jk ^_^

 

you paint a pretty picture. :) Nothing much about her face though! would have liked that! :P

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comicfan
On 08/15/2011 03:37 PM, Frostina said:
oooh, so she looks like me, yes? :D all except for the manicured nails, that is! lol

jk ^_^

 

you paint a pretty picture. :) Nothing much about her face though! would have liked that! :P

I always find if i leave enough to the imagination people paint a much better picture than if I have to spell it all out. You add the elements that make her a beauty.
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Michael9344

Hmmm. I think I know her just enough. I got the idea that she's pretty:). That means that you described her well.

And, just a quick question. Are you sure you're just gay?;)

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comicfan
On 08/17/2011 04:21 AM, Michael9344 said:
Hmmm. I think I know her just enough. I got the idea that she's pretty:). That means that you described her well.

And, just a quick question. Are you sure you're just gay?;)

LOL. Yes I'm gay but who says that everything I write has to be about gay men or women. Life is varied and so are my stories.
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  • Site Administrator
Cia
  • Site Administrator

I saw her visually, I saw her actions. I didn't get a real sense of her though, not what she was about. It was too tell for me even though you used first person for the narrator. I don't think you missed the prompt, just that I didn't get that connection with the female character you were going for, I got it with the male narrator.

 

 

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comicfan
On 08/18/2011 02:54 AM, Cia said:
I saw her visually, I saw her actions. I didn't get a real sense of her though, not what she was about. It was too tell for me even though you used first person for the narrator. I don't think you missed the prompt, just that I didn't get that connection with the female character you were going for, I got it with the male narrator.

 

Hmm. I'll have to see what I can add to make her live more than. Thanks for the comment Cia.
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