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The Funny Thing Is - 4. ...I Never Expected Things to be Exactly the Same

Contains graphic depictions of gay sex. Continue at your own discretion.

The Funny Thing… I never expected things to be exactly the same.

We all go into situations with our own expectations. Whether they’re for the better or for the worse, we all expect things to be one way or another. When I left Devon and had to say goodbye to my kids, I expected things to be one way with Chase. I never expected things to go back to how they were twenty years ago, but, well… I didn’t expect this either.

The next three days were a complete blur. I perused classified ads online in between lectures the next day, narrowing my list down to five completely different but possible places. I asked Chase’s opinion at dinner in his suite that night and he said he had only one criteria: a pool.

“You’ve gotta have more opinions than that,” I said, slightly annoyed. I’d slaved over finding those places; I needed him to have some thought about them.

“Okay,” he said, sliding into the bed next to me. “It has to have a pool and high ceilings. I’m tall.”

I took off my reading glasses and glared at him.

“Well then you’ll like this one, killer,” I smiled tightly. “Two stories, the living room has a vaulted ceiling. The whole thing is kind of an open layout. It’s going into the definitely check out pile.”

“I’m bored with all of this,” Chase said restlessly. He kissed the side of my neck as I put my glasses back on and flipped to option number three. One and five were out. Two was in the definitely pile; it was between three and four to check out.

“If you’re bored, eat a cookie,” I said sarcastically.

“I’d rather… eat something else,” he said. He slid his head down to my lap and gave me wicked eyes as he fiddled with my button.

“Chase, I’m really not interested in being homeless,” I said, looking down at him. “I have every intention of seeing these places tomorrow. Before my wife throws me out of my house. I’m sorry if the idea of not living in a hotel forever bores you.”

He sat up, not looking extremely happy, but I could tell he understood. It must have been tough for him being walled up with very few friends in the city and very little to do. I was sure by the end of his first week in town, he’d already swam every pool within a 20 mile radius. I looked him deep in the eyes, put down the papers and brought him in for a kiss.

“As soon as we find a place, we’ll be free to do whatever it is we want,” I said. I put his head on my chest.

“Why don’t you just move in here for now and not worry so much about it?”

“I can’t have my kids over at a hotel,” I said. I had no intention of starting the divorce proceedings without demonstrating that I was taking my kids’ lives into every consideration. A judge would look at me purchasing a loft in their neighborhood, close to their schools, and have no reason not to give me shared custody. It was paramount that I find a place so that they could stay in my life.

“I was disappointed you didn’t come over last night,” he said after I explained that to him. Clearly, Chase only had sex on the brain and I wasn’t going to get anything done until I satiated him. I tossed the papers and my glasses aside, and slowly unbuttoned my shirt. He lifted his head to see what I was doing.

“I told you I felt weird coming over here after just moving out,” I said. “It felt… tawdry.” I smiled at him.

The lights inside turned on and a second later, Chase was lying on top of me, grinding his face with mine. I felt his bulge almost immediately, and I reached down to slip off his workout shorts. He was wearing only a jock underneath and I smiled into his kiss.

“Since when do you wear a jock?” I asked. He sat up and gave me room to peel out of my slacks.

“Since I started cross training,” he said. He stood up over me, looking like a giant as I laid there. “Why? Is it sexy?”

“Oh it’s sexy, pal,” I smiled. He did a lame shimmy that was only hot because we were both nearly naked and his body was so insanely toned. Otherwise, he would have looked like a total fool.

“Is this hot?” he asked, shimmying again and rubbing his big hands over his firm stomach. He turned around so his ass was facing me, the jock’s tight strap bisecting his strong backside. His bubble butt just popped out of his body under it. I could have died at how hot my man was.

“Come here,” I said, suddenly very much in the mood. I pulled him back down to the bed, between my legs, and ground our cocks together. We fit together perfectly, Chase and I. It was like our bodies were built to be together. From that position, my legs wrapped around him and his face buried in mine, our torsos were perfectly aligned. The best part is, with little to no straining, Chase’s cock was perfectly in line with my ass.

We made out like school kids: hard. I sucked his tongue in deeply while his strong hand massaged my cock and his other hand roamed my body. I hugged him close with my legs, unable to get close enough. A minute later, Chase sat up, peeled off his sexy jock and put the head of his dick right at my hole.

“Ready babe?” he asked, looking at me with his deep blue gaze. I smiled, took in a deep breath and felt the head of his dick pop into my ass. His precum had slicked his cock up pretty well, but a mild feeling of discomfort still won out at the beginning. I pushed his hips back with my hands, indicating he slow down until I adjusted.

Chase, so sexy and so in control, took it slow until he was buried completely into my ass. He fell on top of me in a super strong kind of push up, slowly lifted out and then dove back in. It took us a couple of minutes, but after twenty years, who isn’t rusty? In a few minutes, we found our rhythm.

Our lips didn’t part one time while Chase fucked me. I kept his face pinned to mine as I held the back of his head and clawed at his back, begging him with my body to fuck me faster and harder.

And he did. Like he hadn’t fucked in forever, Chase buckled down and pistoned me over and over, without once skipping a beat.

I felt myself get tingly all over and I slowed him down, not wanting to burst my load too soon. I pushed Chase up so that his torso wasn’t creating quite so much friction for my dick. I breathed in, kept my eye contact with him and watched as he sat up and fucked me.

In a move I’d never seen, but was totally thrilled by, Chase grabbed one of my legs and pulled it to his shoulder. He took the other and ran his tongue up the length of my foot, sucking in my big toe at the end. The sensation was amazing. I’ve never been much of a foot person, but seeing Chase fuck me while feeling him suck in my big toe was a completely arousing feeling.

He continued to plow me, throwing all caution to the wind, our sweat colliding on my torso. My glistening god pounding me over and over. I could feel his breath labor, getting a little heavier, and I heard his grunts get lower. He collapsed on top of me again.

“Let’s cum babe,” he said as he put his lips right on top of mine. I kissed him deeply, wedged my hand between us and grabbed my cock. Two thrusts and one pull later, I came all over our chests as Chase filled me up inside with sweet Californian butter cream.

To say I was spent would be an understatement. Chase and I just sort of lay there, mixing sweat with cum. The best thing about sex with Chase was the feeling of sheer tingling afterwards. Every inch of my body that touched his was on fire for minutes after we came. It was like as if electric current ran between us, and our skin was the conductor.

“I never want to stop doing that,” he said in a whisper, his breathing returning to normal. I pulled his head up to mine and gave him a last kiss. He found the sweet spot on my chest and laid his head on it.

“You pick whatever house makes you and your kids happy, and I will be honored to live there,” he said. I thought for a second, wondering if it was appropriate for us to move in together so soon. Did I need to wait a while before I put him on a lease? It felt like a royal waste of time getting two places, but we were talking about a guy that had bolted on me once before.

“I have a question,” I said, realizing I was about to kill any mood we had set. “Are you keeping your place in LA?”

Chase brought his hand up to my stomach and tickled me with his finger before he answered.

“I hadn’t thought about it,” he said. “I guess I’ll sell my dad’s place, but I’ll probably keep my office and apartment in Hollywood.”

I nodded.

“Do you think you’ll need an apartment in LA?” I wasn’t trying to sound like a paranoid bitch, but these were things I needed to know before I recommitted my entire life. Did he have plans to be back and forth? What kind of split was he talking? Without saying the words outright, I voiced my concern and Chase read the tone.

“If you’re asking if I’m going anywhere, the answer is no, Monsieur,” he said. His words were fast and his finger tracing my stomach was slow. “I’m here, okay? And if you’re still expecting me to walk out the door every second, I’m telling you now, I’m going to disappoint you. I’m not running from this. I’ve been waiting for this for years.”

“I get that, Chase,” I said sternly. “Trust me, I do. And I’m not sitting here willing you out; I just need to know what arrangement we’re getting into.”

“You’re getting a place?”

“Yes.”

“Can I live there?”

“Yes,” I said after a second.

“There. That’s the arrangement. We’ll discuss my share of the rent at some point.”

“Don’t be absurd,” I said. I sat up, suddenly offended by his attitude. “I don’t want a roommate. I want a partner for life.”

“And I’m giving you one,” he said with assurance. He looked me square in the eye. “You know, every single guy I swam with in Rio, every single one, got divorced shortly after the games. These guys had their wives and girlfriends at the games every single day. They would follow them around and they’d support them and cheer. But those people, those glorified groupies with wedding bands on their fingers never built anything for themselves. And so when guys like us came back to the real world hoping for a little stability, their spouses had no clue how to offer that.”

His voice was even and firm. I got the message, loud and clear.

“That wouldn’t have happened to us,” I said.

“You never know,” Chase replied. He stood up, grabbed a towel from the floor and walked into the bathroom. A second later, the shower started running. I packed up my papers and drove to Spencer’s wondering if Chase was right. If he had stayed, would I be divorcing him now instead of Devon? With my proven track record, the possibility was high.

I woke up at Spencer’s the next morning, got dressed and called my realtor. We set up a one o’clock meeting to look at the two finalists in the apartment search.

My next call was to my publicist.

“How is the college professor doing these days?”

“I’m doing great, Mason,” I replied.

“Look, if you’re calling about getting together this weekend, the answer is absolutely. I need to blow off some major steam. I planned on going camping with my kids, but back to school is driving them insane, which is driving me insane.”

“I can’t hook up anymore,” I said to him. I hadn’t even called to talk about that. The whole thing threw me, but without thinking, I blurted it out.

“What?”

“I um… listen, we work great together. And I just called to tell you that Devon and I are splitting up. Chase… from the book is back.”

The Chase?”

“Yeah,” I said, not sure how he would take the news. Mason and my relationship, if you could even call it that, was complicated. I would need him to be a top of the line publicist from here on out.

“Okay. There’s no use trying to go up against that, is there?” he chuckled uncomfortably.

“Listen, I just wanted to give you the heads up. I’m not sure when Devon is going to file, but I’ll need you to minimize the press on all of this,” I said. I made it a point to speak professionally so that my point was hammered home. I was done with whatever side thing we had.

Part of me wondered what Mason’s reaction to the whole thing would be. In several ways, we were the same. Restless married men desperately trying to live a life that we’d created out of whatever preconceived notion we’d bought into. He was a deep down closet case. I was a little more complicated. Still, in several ways we were the same.

I finished the meeting and hung up. I sat there in my best friend’s living room thinking about my next move until Spencer woke up and joined me.

“You were home late last night,” he commented. “You didn’t want to sleep over with the boyfriend?”

“I could have,” I said. “But who would have woken up and made you coffee?”

“You’re a saint,” he said, pouring himself a cup. The truth was, after our talk the night before, I had several things to sort through about Chase. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was time to just let the whole thing go. Let the past be the past. We might have been better off living separate lives and coming together now, when we both could do it freely. I wanted desperately to let everything go, but something continued to nag at me. It’s hard to fill a twenty year void, I realized.

If I’d gone with him, if we’d stayed together, one of our careers would have suffered. His was over. Mine was just beginning.

“Have you seen Kyle since…”

“Since you reamed him in the ass with a bowling ball?” Spencer finished. “Yes, I have.”

“Is he still…”

“Pissed off at you? Very much. In fact, we were supposed to have drinks here last night, but he found out you were crashing and so we moved it to Lemmon Bar,” Spencer said. Kyle hated Lemmon Bar. “He almost punched me for housing you. Called me an accomplice.”

“I’ve called him a dozen times; he won’t answer,” I said as Spencer sat down and crossed his legs. He sipped his coffee with his eyebrows high.

“I’d say, try a dozen more, but what do I know?”

I got up and went to my room to get my stuff ready.

My meeting with the realtor was at one. In a split decision, I decided to pick CJ up from school and drag him with me. I raced up Preston to St. Mark’s, pulled CJ out of math class and raced to the first location right before twelve.

“What’s the occasion, Dad?” he asked as I pulled my shades on and we walked brusquely to the car.

“I want you to help me decide. Yours’ is the only opinion I’m gonna trust on this one.”

The first apartment was a two-story, three bedroom, penthouse at the top of the Village Towers on the other side of 75. The view of the entire city was breathtaking. It was a little further than I would have loved, but the building was newer and the place was expected to appreciate tenfold. It was the last unit in the building and it resembled something a rapper or a Dallas Maverick might lease.

“Dad this one’s great,” CJ said walking around and touching everything. It came pre-furnished, which was a plus. “But one problem. If you ever need to pee real bad coming home, having to sit in that elevator for 42 stories would really suck.”

“Good point kiddo,” I replied with a smile. I was glad my gamble in picking him up was paying off. I wanted whatever decision I made to sit well with my kids, especially CJ. I worried about him more than I worried about Liz. She would have an attitude and be pissy for a while, but Devon would be much better at handling that situation. I needed to be good at handling this one.

At the end of the day, the rooftop pool was impressive, as was the view from the penthouse, but the apartment lacked a homey quality.

The second place was completely different. It was one of four restored lofts that formed a quad in the middle. There was a pool and several cool looking canopies in the quad, not to mention plenty of shade cover. Inside, the place was charming. It looked more like a family home than a bachelor pad.

“Both units are leased together,” the realtor said about the two stories. “The master bedroom on the first floor has a private entrance. As you can see, the ceilings here in the main area are lofted and there’s the skywalk across the second floor there.”

The whole thing was breathtaking. The living area was very open, with a skylight at the top, and one in each of the upstairs bedrooms. The bar sat six, which my friends would love. I looked at CJ when he came back from checking out the two bedrooms upstairs.

“I want this one,” he declared. At first I thought he was talking about the apartment, and then I realized he had already picked out a room. I smiled. Ten minutes later, the realtor drew up papers. An hour later, I signed them.

I drove CJ back to Highland Park to drop him off just as Devon was pulling her Volvo into the driveway. Liz gave me one look before she bolted into the house.

“Go inside, kiddo,” I said to CJ. “Have fun at the lake this weekend.”

He took his backpack and hustled into my former home. I could tell by the way Devon approached that this wouldn’t be a friendly chat.

“What the hell was that about?” she asked.

“I wanted to spend an afternoon with CJ,” I said innocently, aware that I was in some deep shit.

“I would appreciate it if you would call me to make sure that was okay next time,” she said. Her voice was as cold as ice, and her expression was hard and upset. “I’m sure CJ didn’t tell you that he had a biology quiz this afternoon that I just had to fight the teacher to discount and let him do on Monday. Not to mention the fact that I drove all the way to St. Mark’s to pick him up only to hear that his father had already been by.”

“Okay, I see,” I said. The way she said father stung like a scorpion bite. “I’m sorry, Dev. It won’t happen again.”

“You’re damn right it won’t happen again,” she said. “Cooper, you tore this family apart. You don’t get the perks of being a pop in parent. The next time you get the whim to spend the afternoon with your son, squash it.”

Her eyes gave me a slap in the face. I swallowed the crow in my throat, apologized again, and drove away, feeling extremely frustrated and helpless.

I ran the rest of my errands for the afternoon, forwarded my mail, reserved movers, and called for an appointment at a furniture shop in the morning.

By the time I got to Chase’s suite, I was spent. He gave me a long kiss at the door and led me to his bed.

“What do you want for dinner?” he asked in a less than enthusiastic voice. He opened the hotel restaurant menu and started flipping through it. I looked at him for a second.

“Let’s go out,” I said. In my mind, I could only imagine what he was going through, waiting on me to deal with everything so that we could finally move forward. In my mind, I searched for desperate reminders that everything I was getting was worth what I’d given up. He beamed, grabbed a towel, and hopped in for a quick shower.

“Wanna conserve water?” he shouted as the warm water ran. I could see smoke billowing out of the bathroom. I sighed, stood and peeled off my clothes. A minute later, I was standing behind Chase, running lathery fingers through his hair.

“When your parents split up, you lived with your dad, right?” I asked. I wasn’t sure if he planned on our shower being sexual or not, but I wasn’t feeling it. Maybe after a couple of cocktails, I would be in the mood, but just then, I wanted to unwind.

“Yeah,” he replied. “And my sister lived with my mom.”

“Why? How’d you guys choose?”

“My parents agreed that they’d let us choose,” he said. “It was part of the settlement. We were threatened by the judge kind of to make a solid decision, because the other parent only got visitation rights, which were shit.”

He went on to explain that his mom moved six hundred miles away after the split, so it was impossible for him to just pick up and see her. They drifted, as did he and his sister.

“I want CJ to live with me when I get the place ready,” I declared. Chase turned around.

“I can totally relate to that,” he said. “And I can relate to what CJ’s about to go through. When the divorce with my parents happened, it was unequivocally my dad’s fault. We’re talking a mistress, stolen money, a lot of drama. But through all of that, I felt like my dad needed me, you know? Like if I didn’t stay with him, he’d lose it or something. He was a good man and I loved him, so I bit the bullet.”

“I don’t want to ask my kids to choose,” I said. “It seems so cruel.”

The truth was, I was worried that they wouldn’t see me like Chase saw his dad. Liz would stick with Devon, hands down. No matter what. If CJ had to choose, I was worried he wouldn’t pick me. That would hurt something awful.

“Look, your kids love you, I can tell you that honestly, one hundred percent. Give yourself some credit.” Chase kissed me. I was glad I had someone to go through this whole shooting match with. Honestly, I don’t think I could have handled it alone.

One outfit change a dozen distracting kisses later, we were both dressed and headed downtown for dinner and drinks. We must have made quite the sight. Two attractive, clean cut, forty-year-olds, dressed to kill in stylish jeans and classic blazers. One was tall, tan, and blonde with eyes that could slay the Pope. The other, tall and fair with dark features and a flirtatious smile.

We went to a Brazilian restaurant, Fogo de Chao, in Addison. It was one of the few restaurants in north Dallas that didn’t have a sentimental story behind it, so when Chase suggested it, I gladly agreed.

The rhythm we’d fallen into in the bedroom translated into dinner beautifully. It was like we’d been together every day of our lives for twenty years. The jokes were effortless, the flirting was breezy, and the eye contact was electrifying. Every time Chase brushed against me, or grazed my knee, I felt another wave of attraction towards him.

Dinner led to wine at a bar in Addison, and wine was followed by an invitation to drinks in Uptown by a couple of guys at the wine bar.

“Yeah, we’ll come down for a drink,” Chase said looking at me. I nodded, and a minute later, we were following the guys to Alexander’s on Cedar Spring.

“You know, you look just like the famous swimmer,” the first of our two new friends said to Chase, bringing over two martinis. The other followed with the other two.

“I was telling Brett in the car, you really do,” the second one chimed in. I smiled at Chase.

“Should you tell them?” I asked. “You don’t really want to tell them, do you?”

“Oh my god, you are!” Brett exclaimed. He was the smaller, presumably bottom, of the two.

The rest of the night consisted of them telling everyone at the bar that they were in the presence of someone who had once graced the cover of Sports Illustrated.

I played the dutiful boyfriend well, entertaining the guys clamoring for their chance to get close to Chase. He looked a little surprised at first, but after a couple of guys asked to take pictures with us, he took it in stride.

“That was… different,” he said as we collapsed onto the bed several drinks and several hours later. Spent and tired, I untied my shoes, slipped out of my clothes and joined Chase in the bed. “No one cares about athletes in LA unless they’re wearing purple and gold.”

“Well here, you’re a semi-celebrity,” I smiled.

“So are you,” he said. I gave him a look. “Come on. They may have wanted my picture tonight, but every single one of those guys knew who Cooper Carpenter was. One guy looked at me and said ‘I guess he’s not cooped up anymore’.”

“No one said that,” I said.

“I swear,” he joked, climbing on top of me and kissing me deep. He intertwined his arms with mine and gazed me and fiercely. “Now, I noticed you’re naked and in my bed at two in the morning. Does that mean you’re finally going to spend the night?”

I looked up at him and smiled. “Why not?” I asked. “Of course I’ll spend the night.” We spent the next two hours making spine-tingling love.

I woke up bright and early the next morning, with only a mild hovering of a headache. I showered, got dressed and drove to Grapevine to check out furniture. I paid for a complete black wood and brown accented living room set, a California king bed and chaise lounge for the living room, and several necessary den fixings. I also picked out two blue arm chairs that would look perfect by the window. I pulled a couple side tables, a piece of corner art, and some wall paint swatches. I gave them the address and extra cash to have it delivered that day.

On my way back to Dallas, Chase called and asked what size TV was appropriate for the living room.

“I’m looking at a 60 and a 72 incher right now,” he said. I wasn’t big on TV, so I told him to choose. I was pretty sure he would pick out a 72 inch LED Real-D television with other technological initials I couldn’t have cared less about.

My second stop was my home, where I spent two hours packing my clothes, books and assorted accessories that belonged to me into boxes and then to my car. We had two of several things over the years that I decided Devon and the kids didn’t need: toaster, blender, plate set. I picked up everything else from Target on my way to the new place.

The only part of moving out that was hard was being in my old bedroom. There were a million and a half memories in that bedroom. Before things got rough, Devon and I planned our futures in that bedroom. CJ was conceived on that very bed. I had had twenty years of solid friendship in that bedroom, and it was hard closing the door on that.

Moving everything in to the new place was sort of therapeutic. It was like, the only way to move on was to move in, and that’s what I spent Saturday doing. When all of my things were moved in at 7, needing only to be organized and put into their final places, I called Chase and asked what his status was.

“I’m stuck here at the paint shop, gamin,” he said. “They’re still trying to mix up the color you sent me for the living room.”

“Okay, well I just finished moving all of my things up,” I said. “I’m a little tired to start unpacking.”

“If you want to do me a huge favor,” he said. “I told the hotel that I would check out at 8 and it looks like there’s no way I can make that. Could you go by the W and throw my things into the suitcase and bring it over? I’ll call and say you’re checking me out. And on my way out of here, I’ll stop by somewhere and pick up dinner.”

“And wine,” I added. “Everything is in the closet?”

“There are a couple of things in the desk drawer and some documents in the safe. I’ll text you the combination. Thanks, babe. I love you.”

He hung up abruptly, and went back to bargaining for paint. I sighed, lamenting the fact that I had to get up and leave the apartment again. I put on some slippers, pulled my keys off the counter and drove over to Chase’s hotel suite. The front desk clerk didn’t even bat an eye when I strolled right through.

He was right about it being a quick job. Chase didn’t have a ton of stuff in the room, and all of his clothes fit nicely into one duffle and one rollaway suitcase. The rest of the things were haphazardly thrown into a sack I’d brought and carried downstairs to the lobby. I went back upstairs to get his suitcase and a manila envelope out of the safe using the code he’d messaged to me.

With everything in hand, I went downstairs and gave the valet my ticket. They wheeled my car around a few minutes later and I started to load everything in.

As I was hoisting the suitcase with the envelope saddled under my arm, I felt several of the files inside slip out. A fast moving valet pounced, picking up the dropped files.

“Here you go, Mr…. Pallendrino,” he said, looking down at one of the documents.

“Not quite,” I said. “But that sort of has a ring to it.” The valet smiled at me, and handed me the papers.

Did I really just think marrying Chase had a ring to it? Would Mr. and Mr. Carpenter-Pallendrino really be a solid idea? I spent a minute thinking about what being married to Chase would be like when my eye wandered to the paper that the valet had just handed me.

The top line of the body paragraph had Chase’s name underlined and highlighted. Above the body was a header that read Walker and Walker LLC.

Why did Chase have legal documents with him? I wondered. I handed the valet a tip and got into my car with every intention of putting the papers back. But like any self-respecting man, my curiosity got the better of me.

Mr. Pallendrino, the attached documents are your final release from your marriage to Morgan Fieri. Please sign and initial where I have indicated with a yellow highlighter, return the documents to me, and I will have your divorce complete.

My initial reaction was utter surprise, followed by mild brewing anger. He’d been married. He’d lied to me about the extent of his relationship with Morgan. The two of them had been married in California and he thought not telling me was the way to go.

I flipped through the papers and saw that none of them were signed yet. Then my eye saw the date. May 24. Three months. He’d had the papers for three months and he hadn’t signed a single one of them.

Hurt, disappointed, and angry, I drove to the apartment that an hour earlier, I’d considered home.

When I finally pulled into one of the two assigned parking spots for my loft, I put my head to the steering wheel and sat there. It was impossible to feel anything except anger. It would have been futile to understand how Chase had felt it appropriate to omit that tiny little detail. The one in which he had an ex-husband somewhere, probably wondering where Chase had jetted off to.

When I thought things couldn’t get worse, the first fall rain hit my windshield, one splat at a time. If I knew anything about Texas, it was that in ten minutes, we would be under a thunderstorm warning. With only the manila envelope in hand, I exited the car and walked up to my apartment.

When I opened the door, Chase was inside. He had a Chinese takeout dinner set up on two empty boxes with a blanket next to it. There was a candle on next to the food and a bottle of wine chilling in a large glass bowl I didn’t remember taking from the house.

“I thought I’d do something special for dinner,” he said. “In honor of our first night here.”

I handed him the envelope and then glared at him with one eyebrow raised. I didn’t say anything and I didn’t need to. He knew exactly what was in there, and my face didn’t hide my feelings.

“Cooper, you weren’t supposed to see these,” he said quietly.

“Because why? Because then I’d know you’re a lying son of a bitch?”

“Cooper, don’t overreact.”

“Tell me, please, Chase, how I’m supposed to react,” I raised my voice. “You were married and you lied to me about it. What, in God’s name, is the proper reaction to that?”

“I didn’t lie, technically,” he said.

“Oh please,” I countered.

“I just didn’t tell you, because I knew this would happen.”

“When I asked you who the guy in the picture was, you said he was no one. You don’t marry no one and then spend three months waiting to sign the divorce papers.”

Chase looked at me like he’d been caught stealing something. I didn’t know what he thought he could say to make the situation better, but I briefly wished he would come up with something.

“It’s complicated with Morgan,” he said. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but you wouldn’t have understood.”

That, I couldn’t stomach. The anger flew from my head straight down to my leg and I found myself kicking a box with Chinese food atop it across the living room. I had mushu pork on my brand new wall.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I am going through a divorce right now. Right now, my wife is calculating how to make sure I never see my children again. Right now, my lawyer is not speaking to me and I have no clue what the fuck is going on. One of my best friends can barely talk to me because I destroyed his wife’s best friend. Say anything in the entire world, Chase, but do not tell me I wouldn’t understand what you’re going through.”

He looked at me like I was a complete stranger. I had only lost my temper with him once before and it was twenty years prior. A day later, he was gone for twenty years.

“Cooper…”

“I want you out,” I said.

“Oh come on,” he said like I was being totally ridiculous. “Can we talk about this?”

“There’s really very little to say.”

He shifted, his mouth agape and his hand on one hip. Finally, he leaned onto the counter. “Okay, I know you’re going to want to be dramatic about this, so let me spare us the next three pages of your next novel.”

“Seriously?”

“I am sorry, I really am. I didn’t tell you because I knew you would freak out. I didn’t sign the papers because, believe it or not, this is a big decision that normal people don’t just make. Not all of us can just make a life altering decision and stick to it, babe.”

“If you plan on trying to tell me-“

“These papers will be signed and gone first thing Monday morning.”

“Don’t do anything you don’t want to do for me, buddy,” I said. “I just… I can’t even believe this. You swoop in here and change everything and claim it’s because your dad died and you can finally live the life you want, when actually, you’re just running away from some fourteen year marriage that, your quote, was nothing.”

“Cooper, believe me. It’s over.”

“I don’t know what to believe to be honest, killer. I just. Why are you here? Are you going to stay? Who are you? For all I know, your dad’s not even fucking dead.”

I knew I crossed the line as soon I stepped over it. I took in a deep breath, realizing that I had gone too far, but it was too late. My filter was broken, and I’d said the words.

The contact came from my left harder than I ever expected. Chase’s fist hit me square in the jaw, and it felt like I had been stabbed with a million needles of Novocain. I reeled backwards. My head hit the wall behind me, and my eyes immediately filled with water. Instead of steadying myself, I let my body slip down the wall to the floor.

“I want you out of my house.”

“Cooper, I’m sorry.”

I looked up at him through a pool of saltiness in my eyes. I had the urge to spit.

“Cooper.”

“Get out of my house,” I said, more grit in my voice than ever before.

For the second time ever, I sat and watched Chase Pallendrino walk away.

I hope you enjoyed that chapter. As always, comments, reviews and feedback are greatly appreciated.

Join the discussion here: http://www.gayauthors.org/forums/topic/32502-the-funny-thing-is/

Thanks for reading :)

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Chapter Comments

First Review, Awesome!!!!

 

Well I must say that I feel like the story is becoming more polished. I know we are only on the fourth chapter but like a couple of other reviews have already stated life isn't as easy as 123 and it seemed like Chase was just to good to be true, coming in and just saving the day when things looked bad for Cooper. I liked that intuition helps with the story as well, I mean who really keeps a picture of someone not important to them ya know? I like how you are starting to develop Chase's character more now, although I hope this isn't a start to an abusive relationship.

 

-Scott

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On 07/23/2011 02:31 AM, Llnbsbrew22 said:
First Review, Awesome!!!!

 

Well I must say that I feel like the story is becoming more polished. I know we are only on the fourth chapter but like a couple of other reviews have already stated life isn't as easy as 123 and it seemed like Chase was just to good to be true, coming in and just saving the day when things looked bad for Cooper. I liked that intuition helps with the story as well, I mean who really keeps a picture of someone not important to them ya know? I like how you are starting to develop Chase's character more now, although I hope this isn't a start to an abusive relationship.

 

-Scott

Thanks for the review! Glad you like the direction we're headed. I have no plans to write a lifetime melodrama, so I don't think an abusive relationship is on the horizon. That scene was tough to do as is. More to come soon:)
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Wow! Explosive chapter!! I just loved it. :worship::worship:

 

Coop had every right to toss Chase out on his sorry ass. Not a great way to start a relationship. As much as it hurts, Coop needs to look after himself, especially if he's going to make it through the divorce without Devon ripping him a new one.

 

Apart from being played for the fool, what I think Coop is feeling is betrayal. That has got to be the worst feeling in the world. :(

 

Obviously, a part of Chase is still hanging on to Morgan, even though he seems to realize that it's over. Chase isn't used to losing. The picture frame, keeping his apartment in LA, and the 3-month old legal documents - it doesn't get more obvious than that.

 

I admit that I still want to see Coop and Chase together. I have no idea how that will ever happen.

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Reality strikes and Coop's fantasy world has collapsed. Chase is not only more entangled with Morgan, he looks like he is still married and has been for 14 years. I doubt this gets Coop off the hook with Kyle, Sebastion or Spence. Someone who waltz's back into your life after 20 years and misleads you about their past and tells you they did it because you wouldn't understand is a snake. Snake-oil salesmen don't change. Hopefully, Coop gets his act together and matures some more. A relationship built solely on sex is never going to work.

 

 

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Hope you enjoyed that chapter? How can you say that? lol That was a horrible chapter! Jesus, now Coop realizes he left Devon for what? For nothing!

 

Chase is married! If he has unsigned divorce papers, HE'S STILL MARRIED! And when exactly was he planning on telling Coop this oh so teeny fact??????

 

Coop will never trust him again. God, I don't know how to feel. I feel bad for Coop b/c he probably feels like he just got punched in the gut, never mind the jaw. And Chase may be feeling that he's never going to be able to make this right.

 

Wow.

 

But....onto the whole child custody thing. I don't necessarily believe in separating the siblings. I think divorce is traumatic enough for them losing that one parent (physically being in the house) I don't think they should be separated from each other. And let me tell you: I am 100 percent sure Devon is in no way, shape or form going to let Cooper take CJ. No way. And I think it would be rotten to make CJ choose between his mom and dad. That's not fair to do to a thirteen year old. And I think some states have age requirements on the kids. Here in Connecticut, I believe it's fourteen where a child can choose where he/she wants to live. Not 100 percent sure though...Anyway, it's not fair to CJ and I think if Coop tries to get custody of CJ, it's going to make his divorce even messier.

 

As if Coop doesn't have enough on his plate, now he has to stress out over what Chase did.

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It felt too good to be true between Chase and Cooper, but I don't think I saw that coming. How do you deal with being left 20 years ago by the guy you love, only to have him come back. And find out he's been married for 14 years? Totally insane! How can you trust Chase at all anymore? I like that you keep bringing the kids into it, because sometimes it's easy to forget that they're all 40 years old now (especially after reading The List). It's good he took CJ out of school; I feel like he's going to have to keep doing things like that to keep Devon from poisoning the kids against Cooper. And they probably won't be too pleased to learn he left their mom for a guy he always loved more anyway.

 

And I think I've told you this about 50 times, but you have a real talent for writing.

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Your so good at eliciting such strong feelings from your readers, earlier reviews are a good example of that. biggrin.gif

 

I feel...conflicted. On one hand I kinda feel bad that everything seems to be going wrong and Cooper' now finds out his fantasy of life with Cooper was an illusion.

 

On the other hand..

 

As much as I tried not to, I loath Cooper and Chase, but I dislike Cooper because I don't respect his choices her at all. So there was a little bit (read-BIG) sense of satisfaction when he found those divorce papers. I I did feel bad when he got punched, he should of beat the &^%! out of Chase imo. Like others have said, it all seemed so good to be true so I'm pretty satisfied with this, though I did not see a marriage coming, though perhaps if Chase is such a star, the marriage may have been public knowledge.

 

Anyways, I loved this chapter, the ending is the sweetest part. Your writing style is good because in your own way, through humor and wit, anger, bitterness, the whole spectrum, you reel us in to have fun with our emotions. Keep it up! I'm not sure where this is going and that's great! I don't care who Cooper ends up with, but I'm definitely gonna enjoy the ride as we figure that out. read.gif

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Honestly, I thought Cooper got what he deserved in this chapter. At some point in your life, you have to stop jumping into things head first without thinking about the consequences.

 

I have no doubt that Chase and Cooper will end up together, but it needs to be hard, because otherwise it's just one of those Happily Ever After stories that make me wanna barf.

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On 07/23/2011 03:24 AM, Conner said:
Wow! Explosive chapter!! I just loved it. :worship::worship:

 

Coop had every right to toss Chase out on his sorry ass. Not a great way to start a relationship. As much as it hurts, Coop needs to look after himself, especially if he's going to make it through the divorce without Devon ripping him a new one.

 

Apart from being played for the fool, what I think Coop is feeling is betrayal. That has got to be the worst feeling in the world. :(

 

Obviously, a part of Chase is still hanging on to Morgan, even though he seems to realize that it's over. Chase isn't used to losing. The picture frame, keeping his apartment in LA, and the 3-month old legal documents - it doesn't get more obvious than that.

 

I admit that I still want to see Coop and Chase together. I have no idea how that will ever happen.

I think you're right about chase and dead on about Cooper feeling betrayed. Dontexpectchase to go quietly though. Dudes on love... Thanks for thE note:)
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On 07/23/2011 05:30 AM, Daddydavek said:
Reality strikes and Coop's fantasy world has collapsed. Chase is not only more entangled with Morgan, he looks like he is still married and has been for 14 years. I doubt this gets Coop off the hook with Kyle, Sebastion or Spence. Someone who waltz's back into your life after 20 years and misleads you about their past and tells you they did it because you wouldn't understand is a snake. Snake-oil salesmen don't change. Hopefully, Coop gets his act together and matures some more. A relationship built solely on sex is never going to work.

 

You'll really like the next chapter with all h guys. They really lay into coop over this. Thanks for the review. I enjoy reading your take on the story.
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On 07/23/2011 05:44 AM, Lisa said:
Hope you enjoyed that chapter? How can you say that? lol That was a horrible chapter! Jesus, now Coop realizes he left Devon for what? For nothing!

 

Chase is married! If he has unsigned divorce papers, HE'S STILL MARRIED! And when exactly was he planning on telling Coop this oh so teeny fact??????

 

Coop will never trust him again. God, I don't know how to feel. I feel bad for Coop b/c he probably feels like he just got punched in the gut, never mind the jaw. And Chase may be feeling that he's never going to be able to make this right.

 

Wow.

 

But....onto the whole child custody thing. I don't necessarily believe in separating the siblings. I think divorce is traumatic enough for them losing that one parent (physically being in the house) I don't think they should be separated from each other. And let me tell you: I am 100 percent sure Devon is in no way, shape or form going to let Cooper take CJ. No way. And I think it would be rotten to make CJ choose between his mom and dad. That's not fair to do to a thirteen year old. And I think some states have age requirements on the kids. Here in Connecticut, I believe it's fourteen where a child can choose where he/she wants to live. Not 100 percent sure though...Anyway, it's not fair to CJ and I think if Coop tries to get custody of CJ, it's going to make his divorce even messier.

 

As if Coop doesn't have enough on his plate, now he has to stress out over what Chase did.

You're right about custody, but my experience is people rarely do th right thing in these cases. We'll see what coop does bt don't con on it bein sensible:) love your notes. You rock,
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On 07/23/2011 09:46 AM, jinkies33 said:
It felt too good to be true between Chase and Cooper, but I don't think I saw that coming. How do you deal with being left 20 years ago by the guy you love, only to have him come back. And find out he's been married for 14 years? Totally insane! How can you trust Chase at all anymore? I like that you keep bringing the kids into it, because sometimes it's easy to forget that they're all 40 years old now (especially after reading The List). It's good he took CJ out of school; I feel like he's going to have to keep doing things like that to keep Devon from poisoning the kids against Cooper. And they probably won't be too pleased to learn he left their mom for a guy he always loved more anyway.

 

And I think I've told you this about 50 times, but you have a real talent for writing.

Thanks for the compliment. I appreciate that you might be right about he kids. I always them in the back of my mind plot wise but things are about to get tricky...
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On 07/23/2011 10:50 AM, Caedus said:
Your so good at eliciting such strong feelings from your readers, earlier reviews are a good example of that. biggrin.gif

 

I feel...conflicted. On one hand I kinda feel bad that everything seems to be going wrong and Cooper' now finds out his fantasy of life with Cooper was an illusion.

 

On the other hand..

 

As much as I tried not to, I loath Cooper and Chase, but I dislike Cooper because I don't respect his choices her at all. So there was a little bit (read-BIG) sense of satisfaction when he found those divorce papers. I I did feel bad when he got punched, he should of beat the &^%! out of Chase imo. Like others have said, it all seemed so good to be true so I'm pretty satisfied with this, though I did not see a marriage coming, though perhaps if Chase is such a star, the marriage may have been public knowledge.

 

Anyways, I loved this chapter, the ending is the sweetest part. Your writing style is good because in your own way, through humor and wit, anger, bitterness, the whole spectrum, you reel us in to have fun with our emotions. Keep it up! I'm not sure where this is going and that's great! I don't care who Cooper ends up with, but I'm definitely gonna enjoy the ride as we figure that out. read.gif

I appreciate your super kind words:) I know you're conflicted, bu like yo said, I like drawing out the strong emotion:)
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On 07/23/2011 04:01 PM, methodwriter85 said:
Honestly, I thought Cooper got what he deserved in this chapter. At some point in your life, you have to stop jumping into things head first without thinking about the consequences.

 

I have no doubt that Chase and Cooper will end up together, but it needs to be hard, because otherwise it's just one of those Happily Ever After stories that make me wanna barf.

I would never make you barf. Your the best:)
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On 07/23/2011 11:25 PM, charlieocho said:
Very powerful chapter. Great job. Where to next?:boy:
More soon... ;)
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this chapter made me scream!! Coop left devon all for nothing? how the hell can chase be such a liar i hate him for hurting coop this much but on the other hand am glad coop finally knows what he is dealing with. i have always been a coop-chase person but at this point am even hoping coop meets someone else all the men in his life keep disappointing him. other than that do you think its possible for the chapters to come faster?i hate waiting waiting a whole week its too long :( great chapter though and very strong emotions well depicted.

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On 07/25/2011 09:04 AM, empress said:
this chapter made me scream!! Coop left devon all for nothing? how the hell can chase be such a liar i hate him for hurting coop this much but on the other hand am glad coop finally knows what he is dealing with. i have always been a coop-chase person but at this point am even hoping coop meets someone else all the men in his life keep disappointing him. other than that do you think its possible for the chapters to come faster?i hate waiting waiting a whole week its too long :( great chapter though and very strong emotions well depicted.
Hey empress, thanks so much for review. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. I get your feeling of everyone sort of disappointing him, although he's in no way innocent on most of those relationships. I wish I could write faster, lol. But I assure you once a week is the fastest I can churn out a chapter :) thanks again for the review.
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I'm new on this forum but I read the List and now I'm reading The Funny Thing Is and I feel like i have a complete opposite view of Cooper than most of the other readers, at least the commentors on this chapter in particular. At the end of the day Coopers decision to leave Devon wasn't for Chase, it was for him but if your going to jump why not fall on a guy you've been in love with for 2 decades. Devon never once struck me as a silly or slow woman and I don't see this divorce as coming out of nowhere for her. I think in the end Devon's behavior is going lead CJ to chose to live with his father. She may not be the one who caused the split but she is definitely the one saying we cant be friends. On a side note i never really liked Kyle much and his behavior in this chapter and the last has done even less to endear him to me. lol. I also think Cooper needs to be single for awhile. maybe start a new list so he can figure out what he really wants from a partner. Just my two cents lol.

 

 

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On 07/28/2011 03:16 AM, MannyB said:
I'm new on this forum but I read the List and now I'm reading The Funny Thing Is and I feel like i have a complete opposite view of Cooper than most of the other readers, at least the commentors on this chapter in particular. At the end of the day Coopers decision to leave Devon wasn't for Chase, it was for him but if your going to jump why not fall on a guy you've been in love with for 2 decades. Devon never once struck me as a silly or slow woman and I don't see this divorce as coming out of nowhere for her. I think in the end Devon's behavior is going lead CJ to chose to live with his father. She may not be the one who caused the split but she is definitely the one saying we cant be friends. On a side note i never really liked Kyle much and his behavior in this chapter and the last has done even less to endear him to me. lol. I also think Cooper needs to be single for awhile. maybe start a new list so he can figure out what he really wants from a partner. Just my two cents lol.

 

Hey Manny. Thanks for the review! The whole balance with this story is proving tricky, huh? I really like Devon as a person, but I can see where her actions could turn you off. I'm glad to see there are still people on team Cooper. But I'm curious... Why no love for Kyle? More soon:)
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Your name is no longer JWOLF, it is now JDRAMA...

Sheesh! You made him homeless, and now his lover to be is married... LOL!

Sadly, Cooper is just going to move forward with Chase once he cools off. Your wit is a funny as ever. I'm glad I'm not Cooper. When did Cooper ever have filter. He might have used it when he told Devon he kissed CHASE. He would still be at his former home he claimed to love.

I was always a CHASE fan... You make me long for KYLE...sword.gif

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On 10/13/2011 02:35 PM, Westlake82 said:
Your name is no longer JWOLF, it is now JDRAMA...

Sheesh! You made him homeless, and now his lover to be is married... LOL!

Sadly, Cooper is just going to move forward with Chase once he cools off. Your wit is a funny as ever. I'm glad I'm not Cooper. When did Cooper ever have filter. He might have used it when he told Devon he kissed CHASE. He would still be at his former home he claimed to love.

I was always a CHASE fan... You make me long for KYLE...sword.gif

J drama. That has the potential to stick. Things get better for Cooper soon, I assure you.
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I'm amazed that Coop didn't know. Wikipedia knows everything. But really, Chase need not have hidden this info. He assumed Coop would explode. Why? Coop was also married. 

Assume makes an ass out of u and me.

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