I look forward to reading more of your story

Reply from MuddyRiverGirl (author)

My suggestion for you would be to advertise for a beta reader and an editor. Also, check out the topics on writing in the Writer's Corner. One major thing you should remember, the words we choose to describe the character, setting, etc... need to fit the scene itself and each other.

Example: surrounded by chains which dig into my skin irritably, causing me to moan in agony. You describe the way the chains are bound to him as 'irritably' which is a relatively minor discomfort type of word. Then you say he  moans in agony because of the way they bind. Agony is an extreme type of pain description. See how those adverbs aren't quite matching up?

You could also use some help on flowing your dialogue and your narration. They should be seamless between what the characters are doing and thinking and saying. Your plot could be really interesting and you've introduced some characters that will draw reader's attention. Your first scene is dramatic with a good hook, just polish it up a bit so that your writing skills are on par with your storytelling skills.