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    totallyy
  • totallyy
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  • 11/22/2014
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Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
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Rhymes - 8. Lit Windows

Poetry Prompt 2: Haiku

Flurries, drifting slow.

Warmth in distant lit windows,

Beckon to cold hearts.

Copyright © 2016 totallyy; All Rights Reserved.
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Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Irritable1

Oy, packing quite the emotional punch in a limited space! I like the almost onomatopoeic beginning with "flurries," because it feels like a breath of cold wind.

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totallyy
On 11/23/2014 09:01 AM, Irritable1 said:
Oy, packing quite the emotional punch in a limited space! I like the almost onomatopoeic beginning with "flurries," because it feels like a breath of cold wind.
:) Thank you so much. Haikus are difficult, they're short. and i definitely am of the opinion that it is much more difficult to express the fullness of emotion in a 5-7-5 than a 1000-word short story.
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AC Benus

Hi @totallyy. I don't know how I missed commenting on this poem the first go around. Right now I'm revising my poetry prompts to make them into a book.

 

I love how evocative this poem is; the small scale works for your purpose here, I feel. The only thing I might mention for the next time you think about Haiku is to not have have a hard stop (a period) at the end of any of the lines. If you think of this poetical form as being like a stanza, which it is in Japanese, then the three lines should flow naturally. That is, they should develop a single thought without break from start to finish.

 

But anyway, I do love this poem :)

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