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    Writing Prompts #692 & #693

    By Cia

    Happy Friday, prompt authors! How do a few creative prompts sound for this week's challenge? There's something very, very wrong with both of these scenarios, and you have to figure out what that is... have fun!    Prompt 692 – Creative Tag – The trunk Aggravated, you march out to the garage looking for boxes to pack your belongings in. You spot the trunk in the corner, grab the handle and go to drag it out, only to nearly dislocate your shoulder. Stopping, you open the trunk only to stand there screaming into the night. What was in the trunk?   Prompt 693 – Creative Tag – Twin This morning you got up and knew something is was wrong. A minute later, your mother calls demanding to know if your twin is okay. You have no idea, because as far as you know, because you’re an only child. What’s going on?   Did you write a prompt response last week? Don't forget to share it below.

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  1. Gay Song Seven – “You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see”


    Note: for this series of postings, the term 'Gay Song' refers to music written to/for/by or about Gay men or women. A second category also deals with music identified as Gay because it speaks to the heart of the Gay Experience.


    So to make this easier, I will call them Gay in the 1st Degree (to/for/by/about), or Gay in the 2nd Degree (like Judy Garland singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow).




    This classic hit is both Gay in the 1st and 2nd degrees!


    By the 1930s, the popular black slang expression for having sex made its debut in songs. Alberta Hunter had a hit with My Castle’s Rockin’  (and yes, castle is slang for a part of the female anatomy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpOtXGFS4Gw), and later in 1938, Ella Fitzgerald released Rock it for Me, which cemented the sexual slang with a type of ‘swinging’ music (swing itself being another way to describe sex https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmdVTJPbdTs).


    Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller’s 1957 Jailhouse Rock is one of the most explicit pop songs to ever deal with same-sex relations. If you don’t believe me, get a copy of the dictionary The Slanguage of Sex and you will see the lyrics positively bristle with a fun-loving tribute to what can go on behind bars.[1]


    At this point we should talk about a few things. For us, men dancing has become a provocative sight. Part of that is a cultural reaction to post-Stonewall resistance where men in love did not care if they were seen dancing together. In the knee-jerk oppressive straight world, it became an act of defiance to their rule of ‘order’ and a powerful tool to spread fear that it was taking over; in their dirty minds the image of men dancing equaled the sight of two guys having sex. However, in the 1950s it was considered harmless and cute. The evidence is abundant. In 1955, the Hollywood film Blackboard Jungle, fanning adult fears that teenagers were a dangerously criminal subset and out of control, opens with an incredibly sweet moment of ‘good boys’ dancing together in the schoolyard before classes started. Another strong piece of evidence is the music video made in 1957 to promote Elvis’ single release of Jailhouse Rock on television. This is attached below, and you can see it involves the inmates cutting a rug, including a tender face-touch after the lyrics "You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see."


    Secondly, how were same-sex partnerships in prisons viewed at the time? Lucky for us, we have a firsthand account. Jonathan Ned Katz conducted an interview with one of the victims of the Boise Witch Hunt of 1955; it was an incident in which Gay teenagers were rounded up and imprisoned. The young man says this about being transferred to the State Penitentiary: “The captain of the yard was an old friend of my family’s. I’d know him all my life. The first thing he said to me was, ‘Now, just go out there and find yourself a jock, and settle down, so we don’t have any trouble with you.’ I said, ‘How am I going to settle down with somebody when I’m locked up in my cell twenty-four hours a day?’ He said, ‘Well, don’t worry about that right now.’” It turns out this family friend began working behind the scenes to arrange for a suitable protector for the young victim of homophobia. “[Four days later], as I was going through the chow line, I saw this gorgeous guy handing out silverware. You wore anything – they didn’t pay attention to how you dressed – and he was wearing a shirt that was completely open, with sleeves torn out. He had been a prizefighter. […] He said, ‘You got any magazines?’ ‘No,’ I answered. […] Later he brought me a big stack of magazines and shoved them in my cell. […] Before the month was out, Larry and I had found a way to become lovers.”[2]    


    So now that we know viewing men dancing was innocent at the time, and that same-sex partnerships were seen as good and stabilizing elements for prisoners, we can focus on the lyrics of Jailhouse Rock. Meant to pass as ‘straight’ to the uninitiated, it’s incredible just how many of the words are synonymous with sex among males. Here’s a small breakdown.


    Intercourse: wail, swing, rock, crash-boom-bang, nix (nicks; slang for the buttocks).


    Oral sex: sing, play, blowing, saxophone; trombone (references to the male member).  


    Purple has a well-known association with Gay men, so the song’s “Purple Gang” could simply mean the fellows dancing (having sex) with one another. In Slanguage, on page 155, appears this about another of the song’s lyrics, the word kicks: “sexual tastes; like the phrase ‘whatever turns you on.’ The meaning was immortalized in the pop song Route 66 by Chuck Berry – ‘Get your kicks on Route 66.’ The song was taken up by the Rolling Stones in the sixties and the meaning still survives. Compare with [get your] ROCKS OFF.”  


    So then going to page 230, the entry about getting your rocks off says: “likely derived from the U.S. black expression ‘rock and roll’ = sexual intercourse."


    As for Elvis himself, he was pretty open about liking the boys, that is until his career took off and his ‘people’ tried to keep him more discreet. After documenting the singer was not interested in sex with women (“preferring to watch TV and talk to his girlfriends”) Keith Stern goes on to say this about him: “In his 2003 book, Elvis: The Hollywood Years, author David Bret documented affairs with men, including actor Nick Adams. […] Elvis’ stepmother Dee Presley also refers to these [relationships] in her unpublished manuscript The Intimate Life and Death of Elvis.”[3]


    If you wish to investigate further, I’d point you in the direction of reading about the singer’s relationship with Dennis Hopper. The actor was just starting out in Hollywood and connected the singer with lots of out guys in town at that time, like James Dean. Hopper and Elvis stayed intimate friends until the singer’s death.


    Also see the released FBI file J. Edgar Hoover kept in his desk drawer on Presley. The incident when Elvis was in the Army and stationed in Germany is very telling. Namely that the soldier and his entourage had a local hairdresser coming on base and bringing young men to them for sex and other fun. The FBI was drawn in when the hairdresser began trying to blackmail the singer.


    The following link has the full lyrics for Jailhouse Rock




    So, what do you think?



    [1] The Slanguage of Sex by Brigid McConville and John Shearlaw, 1985 London.

    [2] Gay American History, 1976 New York, ps.179-180

    [3] Queers in History, 2009 Dallas, ps.369-370


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    Recent Entries

    OK, this is something I never thought I would ever get to say. But my book Thaw is published! Yes, my little story has been turned into a real book. I'm excited beyond words! Of course, none of this would have been possible without a lot of help from the best friend anyone can ever hope to have. The ever amazing @JohnAR has guided me through the entire process and all I had to do was follow instructions and enjoy the journey. 


    And don't you just love the cover? 




    So if you have a craving for your own book copy of Thaw, check it out here (paperback is also available): 






  2. Mikiesboy
    Latest Entry

    I messed up today. Again.  And i spoke to Michael about it, and asked his permission to write this.




    For a long time, I'd heard this term: mindfulness. It sounded so much like a catchphrase because everyone was using it. Be mindful.

    What the heck does that even mean? Took me a while to figure it out even after I'd looked it up.


    Turns out I am pretty bad at it. The Doms in my life tell me so. Sometimes directly, sometimes in other ways.  I wasn't mindful when discussing something recently. I had to be reminded again, that being mindful is a good thing for a submissive (like me) to be.


    There are other uses for mindfulness, other than learning to be a better boy.


    My shrink thinks the same thing. 


    I wanted to stop taking antidepressants. So he said to me, "I want to try  MBCT, or Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy with you."  I agreed.


    We worked on that for some time while he weaned me off the drugs completely.


    MBCT is educates you about depression using CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), and mindfulness to  accept feelings and thoughts, rather than just reacting to them. This is especially hard for me, since I am a very reactive person generally.


    The theory is that people like me who become who have been depressed and are distressed will repeat the same cognitive processes that trigger their depression in the first place. So MBCT interrupts that process and the person learns to focus less on what triggers them, and can look at the triggers from a higher level so to speak. Mindfulness helps me notice the trigger, and I can look at it from a more objective place and ask for help, or realize I need to make a change, therefore hopefully stopping a full-fledged depressive episode.


    Sadly, it didn't work for me as after a few weeks with no drugs, I began having suicidal thoughts and slipped easily into that slick-sided rabbit hole.


    Needless to say I am back on a mild antidepressant and still using MBCT. It, in conjunction with the medication seems to be working for me. I find myself telling someone that my thoughts are in a bad place. I usually know what the trigger was, and often I just need to get up and do something else for a while.


    Stepping away from what triggered me and telling Sir, or a friend that I'm struggling, often helps me get through the episode successfully. My doctor said, I need to face the fact I will likely need medication for the rest of my life for depression. I have accepted that now, but I have hope that they can remain this mild option.


    Now all I need to do is learn to be a more mindful about other areas in my life. I'm not purposefully unthinking, but I often am.


  3. I don't know how long it's been since I've posted a blog here. Last night, I totally freaked out, like completely. I feel like I've wasted years of my life. I feel like nobody really knows me. It makes me feel empty. I need to do something about this, like really do something about this before I just cease to exist. 

  4. Just returned from watching Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.  Or should I say dragged to see the flick.  

    I should start by saying that I am a huge fan of Jurassic Park, a satisfied fan of Jurassic Park 2, a meh for Jurassic Park 3, and a very disappointed viewer for Jurassic World.  


    For all the amazing CGI of the first one, they did not skimp on the story and characters.  All I have to say is Alan Grant.  Jurassic Park 2, the sequence when T-Rex squared pushes the camper off the cliff is stunning, again they did not skimp on the story and characters.  I know they have plot holes and characters that were only half developed.  But the entertainment factor of Dr. Ian alone carries that film that is re-watchable each time I see it on cable.  Jurassic Park 3, sees the return of Alan Grant, one of my favorite actors from the 90's and eerily attracted to in a carnal way, returns to an okay horror film.  I love the moments with Eric Kirby, he has some of the best lines in the entire film.  Plus, you have the human eating birds attacking our steadfast heroes.  Lets not talk about the spinosaurus as a villain.   


    Then you have Jurassic World some 17 years later with the amazing B.D. Wong and the over-hyped Chris Pratt and his abs.  Great CGI and a pulse pounding action scenes but with under developed characters, kids in danger for no reason, and a deeply unsatisfying ending that is a bit too nostalgic for my taste.  I felt that Star Wars Force Awakens suffered from the same malady.  A fan that grew up and made a homage movie to their childhood fantasies.  In both films, each writer and director focused more on feelings that actual story, spectacle over substance, and nostalgia dripping from the screen that makes me wish instead of essentially re-making a classic, they would have been better served in just re-watching the originals.  


    So when "N" insisted on us going to the movie tonight on my one day off this week, I was prepared for another Jurassic World.  After all, Chris Pratt has already given me a sequel that was boring on the surface, sub-par in the meat of the story, and just plain awful by the discovery of the villain.  Of course i am speaking about Guardians of the Galaxy Chapter 2.  


    I offered other opportunities, even went as far as begging us to go to Las Vegas last minute just to avoid this movie.  And much to my chagrin, he wasn't having any part of that strategy.  And once the credits rolled, damn was I impressed.  For the first time in a long time, Chris Pratt was more grounded as an actor since I first saw him on Everwood.  The writers/directors kept him from his Prattness and he acted the shit out of a smart, believable script that didn't seem like over two hours that it ended being.  Bryce Dallas Howard stopped being the damsel in distress/high heels from the previous one and held her own against the new villain of the piece.  I will give zero spoilers but finally a sequel to Jurassic Park that was promised.  I didn't stay past the credits so I don't know if there is a post credit scene., but they set up the next installment perfectly that made sense in the framework of the story.  Completely understand why its making all the money.  


    I would say watch this movie, you won't be disappointed.  





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    I was invited to this site by @Rambling Robin a few years ago. I didn't even know that such a forum existed and the rich diversity of authors it contained. Though we are not on the same page for everything in life (as few people are, regardless), both Robin and I realized that we wrote as therapy and as a means to entertain ourselves and to take breaks between our hectic work, university, and home lives. I am grateful that though we butted heads on many occasions, especially in our early beginnings,  Robin never cast aside our friendship and we were able to compromise until the point we've reached today. We are now inseparable sisters-in-arms and I look forward to not only our own future collaborations, but also her other collaborations (Maddam Redder also writes amazing work) and her own personal works (Prophylaxis, Catching Tavo, Saving Ezra, Feeling Lucky, and all the ones that she's been itching to write but hasn't had the time to yet). 


    I am also grateful to each and every author/member on this site...those that have steered us in the right directions in regards to the website and postings, those that have enjoyed our silly collaborations and my own silly tales, those that post regularly in the different forums (including games!), and last but certainly not least, those that have shared their own amazing stories and written work. I know that I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of all the amazing stories that are on this site. But, I am eager to read more (especially when my life settles back down to one job, that will be amazing)! I'm not going to name any names, because it would quite literally take up this entire blog post. But, I refer to every person I've ever interacted with. 


    I sincerely thank everyone for the warm welcoming, the patience, and thoughts...which are as richly diverse as we all are. 💜


    - Thirdly

  5. Foster

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    A pale pink

    Lightly shields


    A darkly heated


    Gilded ego

    With imitation patience

    For kindly meant


    You look nice today










  6. Although nearly 15 years old, this New York Times article still provides a good description of my city.




    I dug it up after walking through closed-to-traffic Wilton Drivethe town’s main streetduring the Stonewall Festival this past weekend.


    The outrageous outfits, loud music, and alcohol consumption were still there, but what grabbed my attention was something else. Lots of kids, from infants in baby carriages to slightly older ones walking with their parentsboth same-sex couples and heterosexual ones. Corporate America and governmental institutions amongst those with booth displays. Police officers from neighboring cities who volunteered to work the festival to show their support for the gay community. These are all signs our lives as outlaws are nearing the end. That the GLBT community is becoming an integral part of the melting pot. And that it does get better thanks to the struggle of those who came before us.

  7. Arpeggio
    Latest Entry

    Unfortunately, I’m going to have to make a new email address which is a pain, but I just had to delete over 300 emails, all from the same guy: Stalker. My whole life practically comes through my email. My paypal, my contacts, my student loans, my bill receipts! On top of that, there’s a chance he will find out my new email, because I can’t really keep it a secret from everyone or I’ll be isolating myself, and I already feel like my life is as remote as possible. I understand that he’s mentally unstable and desperately needs help, but right now I hate him. I wish he would die in a car crash.


    I got a few emails from him that I was set on deleting, but I opened a few with the intentions of not replying, and he’s prepared to blackmail me by posting everything I ever confided with him about on all the sites I frequent, including GA, then he’d start telling everyone in my actual life all the same stuff. I felt like my stomach dropped to the floor because, like an idiot, I’ve told him a lot about myself. I trusted him at one point and I told him things that I have only told two other people: Chris and Jamie.


    The first thing I did was reach out to most of the admins, including GA, and they’ve been very understanding and supportive which I’m deeply moved by, but Stalker is hard to track down, block, and ban. I don’t even know what username he’s using on here, but if anyone has PMed you about me at all that seems suspicious, please relay it to an admin. I also reached out to my in laws and what family I have left and warned them about Stalker’s intentions, and most of them assured me that whatever he tried to tell them, it would not matter.


    But it does matter, TO ME, to the point where I’m having suicidal thoughts.


    I won’t give him what he wants, but I can’t stop him from posting anything. Just don’t judge me from what he says. I suffered from my addiction for a long time, and I have a lot of problems from it, and I’m deeply ashamed.


    I wrote and deleted this blog several times over the past few days, but I guess I might as well let everyone know that I’m prepared for the worst. I’d like to ask everyone to refuse to read it, but let’s be realistic. Some of it might be lies, but some of it might be truth, and that scares me most.


    I’m really sorry.  

  8. Hudson Bartholomew
    Latest Entry

    I mentioned in my last blog post (which was back in December, omg!) that I have a couple of books being published this year! The first one came out on Monday!! It's called Inside Darkness and it's about a humanitarian aid worker struggling with PTSD and an Asian American journalist who encounters systemic racism. It's dark and gritty and angsty; the sex is fast but the emotions are slow burn (I stole that last part from a reviewer, hehe). 


    It's hard to believe that I am officially a Published Author (TM). There was no party, no cake, no one handing me a big cheque. Just some nice people sending me congratulations messages on social media and a friend took me out to lunch. From the outside, being an author looks so glamorous, but at the end of the day it's a job just like any other: finish one project and move on to the next! Still, I'm super proud of myself for having chased after this dream and having accomplished it. I have another book coming out in July and a couple where I'm waiting to hear from the publisher, and still more waiting to be written on my laptop. 


    Big thank you to everyone here who read my early stories and gave me such encouragement to keep going! I couldn't have done it without you!


    If you would like more information about my book, you can find it on my website: http://www.hudsonlin.com/book/inside-darkness/

  9. So, tomorrow is officially moving day. The U-Haul is parked in the driveway waiting to be loaded. Everything in the house, with the exception of my room, is packed in boxes. For some reason, I can't bring myself to pack my room. We're moving from the Dallas area to a small East Texas town called Rusk. It's about 3 hours away. I know absolutely nobody down there, with the exception of my 2 cousins and their wives. They are all very umm, let me try to explain. My cousin Justin, the younger of the two, broke his femur years ago when he was bucked off the bull he was attempting to ride. His wife, Rachel, teaches Ag (agriculture) for high school. My other cousin, Clay and his wife Melissa, along with his two step-kids, his adopted son, and their son together, whose name is Rodey Owen (pronounced road-e, go ahead and say it out loud) are going to my new neighbors. They always make me feel like the odd man out. They'll talk to me if I insert myself into their conversations, but they won't go out of their way to speak to me. Now, I'm practically related to about half the town we're moving to, but they're all my mom's cousin's kids and I think I might have met them for all of 5 minutes 35 years ago. The closest Walmart to where I'll be living is 15 miles away, and it's not even a Walmart Supercenter. For the next 6 months or so, we'll be living with my grandmother in a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house, while our house is being built. Right next door. For major shopping, we'll have to drive about 40 miles to Tyler, where there's a mall. This isn't going to be fun. It's going to be hell. I'm a 41 year-old gay man moving to an area of Texas that isn't well known for its acceptance. I did actually tell my cousins I was gay. But, that was 22 years ago and we've not talked about it since. I'm not even sure their wives know for sure or not. I"m freaking out here I think. HELP!!!!

  10. It's starting again.


    The sobriety.  


    I talked to my cousin over the weekend about what my Dad has been going through.  And how my Dad is courting sobriety again.  For the record, the longest my Dad has been sober has been two years, and that was when I was a child and my Mom threatened to leave him and take myself and sister with her.  He threw out all the alcohol in the house.  


    Another time was when I was living in Atlanta, out of college and working at a bookstore.  My Dad went through some of his worst years in Atlanta and one day I noticed he wasn't acting like his usual drunk surly self.  I remember being so concerned about his shift in personality that I told my Mom I was worried he was going to commit suicide. She laughed a little and told me he had quit drinking.  I don't remember how long that one lasted, but it wasn't long.  


    He quit temporarily when the tests for his heart came back.  Once he saw that his heart issue remained despite not drinking, he started back up again.


    Now here we are again.  He always stops when he has a consequence for drinking, but then he inevitably starts back.


    I wish I could be more supportive, but I just can't.  I can't.  It hurts too much.  It hurts to see the man that my father could be.  I love my Dad, my real Dad.  He is charming, has a great sense of humor and is fun to talk to and hang around with.  I can see the man my Mom fell in love with.  I can see the man I would like to have in my life.


    But he never stays.  Eventually the drink wins and the drunk comes back.  The drunk is mean, stupid, surly and hard to get along with.  I remember looking at the drunk and wondering how on Earth I can be related to him.  


    My Dad came over this weekend to help me with some stuff around the house, hanging up some blinds, putting up some shelves, etc.  It was...nice.  


    But I need to keep my distance.  Need to.  Because I can't get close to him only to lose him to the drink again.  I can't stand it.


    I can't.   



  11. Part I Here Goodbye, My Love, Part I


    When I wrote part one, I was at a critical juncture in my life. I had just come back a two month vacation in China and Thailand, which was very indulgent, to say the least. I was just beginning graduate school, and I was studying for a pre-licensing exam. Both doing well in grad school and passing that pre-exam were going to be my ticket to career success. I was partied out from my vacation, and determined to do as well as I could in school. A close family member was also dying, so I was traveling back home a lot of weekends. It made staying away from the scene pretty easy. I buckled down, spent hours every night after work and every Saturday and Sunday grinding away, doing work and studying for the exam. I didn't go out once in September, October, and half of November. I thought I had finally broken the grip the scene had held over my life for the totality of my post-college life. All I needed was an intense distraction that commanded my entire attention, and I had found it. 


    Then my pre-exam date was the next day, and even though I had been studying for two months, I was convinced I wouldn't pass. The morning of the test came, and after three and a half hours of exhausting mental gymnastics, I passed. Not only did I pass, I passed with flying colors. I was in such shocked elation that I couldn't even think. On the train ride home, I blasted music through my headphones and had the biggest smile on my face. As soon as I got back to my apartment, I went over to the Chinese takeout place and ordered enough food for three people, and ate it all. I was still riding the natural high of passing the test, and caught a train back downtown and went on a shopping spree of new clothes and shoes. I spent way too much money, but didn't care one bit. I called up some friends, and planned a little celebratory party at my apartment and then hitting the Gayborhood. We started around 5 in the afternoon and didn't stop till about 6 the next morning. It was like we were back to being the irresponsible, anything goes, who-gives-a-fuck group we were in our college days. It was all so over the top. It was as if all that pleasure I had been denying myself the last couple months came flooding out like a hurricane, and I had no desire to try and control it.


    After that night and coming to my senses when the mental high of freedom wore off, I realized how dangerous what I had been doing was. Since graduating college, my identity has been built around my "gayness", and the scene in particular. Growing up, I felt completely out of place and had zero sense of identity or belonging. In college, that transitioned into a sort of half-way in/half-way out mode. I had come out to close friends and started exploring some aspects of gay life, but the vast majority of my word was still lived in the sphere of 'straightness'. I felt comfortable enough, but still not entirely there yet. Then I moved to the city, and suddenly there was this huge, well-established gay community that one could live a pretty self-enclosed life in. I realized this was my chance to finally find that belonging and acceptance that I didn't get growing up. I dove head-first in, and for better or worse, became immersed in it. Clubbing and dancing became my outlet from working in a stressful job, and a way to connect and feel a part of the gay world. It was more to me then just something to do. It represented the ending of my coming out process and the completion of a search for belonging that began as a miserably depressed, fake-faced teenager. Simply quitting cold turkey as I did stripped me of something that had been such an identity marker. I tried telling myself through all those months that I was better off without it, but truth be told I craved it in the back of my mind. 


    I've gotten to the point now that I realize that going to either extreme is just not a good way to live. I went from a full-time party boy to a workaholic basically overnight. Because I'm a person who tends to operate at extreme ends, I thought the best solution was to do a total 180. As the night after the pre-exam showed, I really failed to control those extremes. When 2018 rolled around, I knew I needed to try and find some kind of balance. I needed to reconnect with the part of me that needed that social outlet that going out provided, but also balance it with the massive amount of time that grad school demanded. Going out every Friday/Saturday night till 4 in the morning wasn't going to fly, but neither would working 12 hour days and every weekend either. Admittedly I'm still far from perfect in this. Whenever I do too much of one thing, I sometimes tend to chastise myself by swinging far the other way. Finding some kind of agreeable middle ground is tough, because the two things seem to be so much at odd with each other. I guess I'll keep trying until it reaches equilibrium or eats me, whichever comes first. 


    Happy Pride!



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    Listed below are the story cards and the ending card that you will use to create ideas for a story that you will then write down as a response to this entry.  More details are in the description of the blog.  Enjoy!


    Story Cards

    Wolf (Character)

    Poisoned (Aspect)

    Storm (Event)

    In the Sky (Place)

    Husband of Wife (Character)


    Ending Card

    Which proves you should always be careful when choosing your companions.

  12. Ashi
    Latest Entry

    What is on your mind when you think of the word "great?" 


    Which story do you consider a classic?


    Who is your most admired person?


    Where do you go to get inspired?


    When does a moment become experience?


    How do you advance a civilization into the golden age?


     *   *   *


    This world is endowed with many great things.  Some are eminent, some are waiting to be discovered; some will become a memory, some will never extinct despite of deliberate neglect and distortion.  They all deserve to be cherished and preserved.


     *   *   *


    Can you put a price on...




    ...the feeling of falling in love for the first time?


    ...safety and feeling alive?


    ...respect and compassion?


    We have an unprecedented number of homelessness.  Everyday I ride on a train, I can see encampments so great, that some portable toilets are placed around them, which I assume is to maintain public health for all the surrounding community.  On another day, I went to a flea market.  Being educated in healthcare for a couple of years, I cannot help but think we might have an outbreak of weird diseases due to the near proximity of homeless camps and squirrel population.  (Please do not feed wild animals as some bacteria unique to them will crossbreed with bacteria unique to human, and these hybrid bacteria will infect both species....  We may or may not have the capability to control the mutated bacteria)


    All we hear on the news nowadays are bunch of big babies attacking each other over some petty issues, ignoring human conditions.


     *   *   *


    Why nobody ever tries to find out why more mass shootings happening nowadays?  It always turns into a political drama rather than addressing the most fundamental issue.  This is people's lives we're talking about, not an opportunity to further one's political career.


    I still remember the days when school taught students pipe bombs (though I never learned), but nobody ever seriously contemplating using it to harm others.  Now no school teaches that chemistry and yet more people died from violence.  What happened?


    I still remember the days when people can freely go into airports and museums without needing to go through security gates.  Why is my personal freedom and happiness compromised because of a minor chance of threat.  The security measure is not even effective guarding against people who have no regard of the laws anyways.


    I still remember the days the Internet was used to increase people's IQ by exposing to differences rather than reinforcing one's limited perception.  It used to be an Utopia of tolerance, a haven of self-regulation, a pool of endless knowledge.   Why is it used to propagate greed and misinformation nowadays?


    Isn't the fact-based journalism the propeller of democracy?  Didn't Jefferson want to be remembered to be the Father of Virginity University because educated people are the core of democracy? 


    Doesn't George Washington's Farewell Address warn: "[Geographic politics] agitates the community with ill-founded jealousies and false alarms, kindles the animosity of one part against another, foments occasionally riot and insurrection. It opens the door to foreign influence and corruption, which finds a facilitated access to the government itself through the channels of party passions"?


     *   *   *


    Today after work I went to buy some tapioca tea.  There was some misunderstanding between the cashier and the customer before me, so the order was not placed correctly.  The prior customer basically suggested he had the power to recommend more corporate customers only if the store would simply replace his new order for free.  The small shop owner with her limited English skill couldn't understand what daft-dressing guy was trying to suggest, so she offered 50 cents extra for the replaced drink, because cashier/server charged him only for the regular tea rather than milk tea, and served him according to the wrong order.  Given I worked in food industry before (among many odd jobs I had held), I knew it's a big loss for the shop because it's not a simple adding milk to the tea issue.  The store needs to throw away the original order due to health code, irregardless whether the drink was consumed or not.  The shop keeper insisted on quality didn't help either, but she eventually agreed to just add milk to the order for free instead of remake the whole order to satisfy the customer.


    I have seen many of such disputes before.  It is not limited to restaurant order, or language barrier issue.  Don't know whether it's because their perceived financial standing or their education level, people are getting less humble.  Most people don't realized outside of their career specialization, they actually know extremely little how the entire world functions.  In this case, the customer before me did not realize it is a health code that the shop cannot serve tampered food.


    Everything in life is simple; even the simplest thing is difficult.


    What that quote (which I thought was attributed to Nietzsche, but I can't find it) means to me is one has to be humble, and be respect of people of all trades.  Everyone is an expert of something, disregard of our social standing or the wage we're paid for our work.


    If this were the old California I knew back in the 90's, people would be more graceful and asked why 50 cents is charged, rather than immediately pull the consumer/corporate pressure card without actually asking a probing question.  Because that customer might have learned something about the food industry.  Instead, he sounded like a crude and tactless person dressed in sharp suit.  Our California value of tolerance and acceptance is dying everyday, and it's such a sad sight to see.


    I wished my brain could be faster, and paid the 50 cents extra for the agitated customer and everyone would be happy.  Though when the shopkeeper apologized to me profusely because she was busy making the replacement order for that customer (who was not even there when she finished the order because he just had to answer a phone...), I simply told her to take her time.  I know how little gesture like this means a lot when you're working very hard for very little money.  Besides, I was late for my train anyways, so time wasn't that important to me at that point, but it'll brighten up her day.


    I wish I have made the point clear enough.  Great, despite current events might have you believed, is not based on selfish interests.  We can actually make the world great again, no matter how small or insignificant the contribution might see at first.  Be gracious of others, be respectful of nature, and treasure every moment we share.  The world doesn't need to be shallow and petty.  There can be a lot of beauty and greatness if we tried.

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    Recent Entries

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    I did something today. Something I've never thought i would ever do. I met my brother who i haven't seen in twenty years. Me and my little brother were adopted young. I have an older brother by four years but I hadn't seen him since elementary school. It wasn't his fault that his mother (my former mother or as I call her egg donor) was a lying manipulative witch. And I'm being nice there. She was also negligent. He's a good guy, he was crying. He remembered where I lived, and asked to see me, and I thought what have i got to lose? 

    it wasn't a tear jerking experience for me but he seemed genuine. But tell me am I took for believing he's not her?

  13. So, I would imagine that many members here wont remember who I am.  i've not been active for a while because... well, life gets in the way sometimes doesn't it?


    8 Years ago last week, I started a relationship right here on GA.  I met Paya right here, and our friendship blossomed into something more.  I was in the UK, he was in the Czech Republic. We had a long distance relationship for 2 years, before finally moving to London together 6 years ago.


    This is just a quick stop by to where it all began, to announce that yesterday - We got Married.  Yes, another GA wedding.


    We were lucky enough that our friends from GA, Bleu and Jian, were at our ceremony as guests - I told them they were our GA ambassadors for the day.


    Now... not to rush away, but a honeymoon awaits.


    All the best.



  14. stephanie l danielson
    Latest Entry

    For those that don't follow me on a regular basis, I have been pushing myself to write despite a badly sprained wrist for the past 3+ weeks. I wear a splint day and night and have to have assistance with the craziest simple things like putting socks on or even picking up anything over 2 lbs.  I was diagnosed with carpal tunnel at 18 yrs old, but a night of overzealous knitting pushed it over the edge, and I'm still paying for it.  

    That said, I was able to finish a story in two months time :)  Now to edit. :(

    That's the fast.

    The slow part is the painful, horrible process of trying to find work. I live in a medium town, but not many opportunities over minimum wage.  I have two college degrees and loads of experience, but no one is willing to pay a decent salary. Or become a nurse. NO thank you. I get enough abuse as it is.  So, my only option is to cross the river...which means a 45-60 minute commute at least, daily. Not fun...but it's my only doable option until I either become the next JK Rowling....or start a side business.

    So...my life is slow at home, with my surviving cat (my girl died 6 weeks ago, and I am still coping with her sudden loss)...and husband.  

    Slow is not a bad thing, but unemployment will run out soon...so keep me in your prayers that someone will see I have worth again and not too old to work. :)


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    Recent Entries

    Latest Entry


    Warning: Some spoilers for those who haven't read the story

    Accepted GA Story: 31 March 18


    *In Progress*

    Sci-Fi Futuristic Gay Romance



    Ardant is an ex-Corps soldier faced with the harsh reality that everyone is moving on from the war against the Gahlamons except himself.

    Swept into a group seeking to protest the executive laws passed by the United Planets Association,

    Ardant struggles with personal issues and a shocking love interest.



    ( ! -with beta reader )

    ( * -in queue to be posted )


    Meet Ardant, the veteran with a sunny disposition and witness the arrival of the Gahlamons!


    Urgent problems with your airship? 

    Natibo Station has a Hub for all your needs as you wait for further notice!


    The Enemy-to-Allies Program set up by the UPA offers all Natibo Community clients the opportunity

    to meet and mingle our new friends, the Gahlamons, with lower rates and new amenities!

    Come visit our Port and you'll fall in love the features, join us today! 


    Not everyone will greet our newest guests to the community, 

    and we understand your concerns but please remain calm and civil!



    Here at Charter's Security we're upgrading everything to offer better services to our clients!

    Every employee under the division is fully trained and eager to help in any way,

    including the new recruits that have been accepted by the UPA!


    (those presented so far)




    Main Character


    Charter Security

    likes: coffee

    dislikes: Gahlamons


    Ardant's Sister



    likes: gardening

    dislikes: ignored


    Ardant's Nephew



    likes: toys

    dislikes: Ardant



    Ardant's Friend



    likes: running

    dislikes: confusion


    Sarklet's Friend



    likes: -

    dislikes: not being in control



    Ardant's Neighbor



    likes: family

    dislikes: Gahlamons

    Su'klythops (Suyi)


    Ardant's Neighbor



    likes: -

    dislikes: -


    This blog post is subject to change through regular updates!

  15. It's the first of April. And I'm too uptight to pull pranks. So, here's news you can believe in.


     At 12 noon Central Standard Time, the first chapter of new story will be published.


    New to GA that is.


    If you've read my blog entry 

    or if you've read

    You'll already know what I'm going to tell you. "You're not the One, Neo." XD


    Sorry, sorry. That's not it. "There is no spoon." NO! That's not it either,


    "The cake is a lie,"  No, that's not it either. But I might make cookies,


    Okay, okay. Weird attention deficit puns aside. What I'm trying to tell you in that at noon 


    my story Predators: 2-14-9X should be making it's Gay Authors debut.


    Please, read, react and comment.


    Edit: As of 12:06PM 4/1/208 it's published.



  16. vEETalk

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    Wow, this is joyously freaky!


    I'm long-in-the-tooth, but only recently committed to writing full-time, all the time (a Coming Out of sorts for me). I suppose I finally got tired of keeping my head down, preaching that old mantra, "you have to do what you have to do, to do what you want to do" (paraphrase of St Augustine). I think it's fitting thus, to start off with immortal words that shook me out of space, into my true and rightful place:


    "It's better to physically force yourself to write 1000s of words, which may be shit, than to not write anything, and nurse vague and anxious thoughts about wanting to write something amazing." Shon Faye, 2017.


    Here's to the wordsmiths!

    Blessed be!



  17. So here’s what’s new.


    I’ve returned to the land of my ancestors. The little, funny-shaped island on the top left-hand corner of Europe where I spent most of my childhood, including half of my school life and a few chaotic years as an adult.


    This is the fourth time that I have been back since I was shipped off to the new world as a teenager and it seems that each time I return, this once very familiar place has moved a little further away. I have to admit that after seventeen years in Canada there is very little English left in me and I am now no more than a tourist in a city which for so long, I regarded as my home.


    One of the reasons for this visit was to attend a surprise birthday party for a friend who I have known since primary school. It was organised by his wife and she was the one who persuaded me to come over in a series of clandestine telephone calls and emails. It was a genuine surprise for my friend who didn’t suspect a thing and as you can imagine, it was quite an emotional reunion.

    He was completely unaware of the secret cross Atlantic messaging between his best friend and his wife and had no idea that she had already moved me into the spare room in their house earlier that day while he was at work. Understandably I suppose, he wasn’t that concerned by my harmless cavorting with his good lady and I spent most of the evening trying to free myself from his endless, tearful man hugs.


    I didn’t mind at all; he has always been one hundred percent straight but completely at home and supportive of my sexuality. I couldn’t want for a better friend and I shall miss him the most.

  18. Love, we all believe in it and hope one day to find it. While growing up we will learn many different types of love, from your family, the love of a friend and of course the love someone special gives you. In stories we are told that one day you will find the one and all will begin to fall into place, as if there really is just one person that will come sweep you off your feet? This often leading you to believe that out there only one person will ever love you fully.


    So why is it when we are single you see yourself differently? Why must we be down on ourselves because we have not found love? Throughout life many people will come and go, while at times we may think what we have found is true love. So really how do you know you’re in love?


    In my opinion there can be levels of love you feel for another, each one for a different reason. I had a friend once tell me they felt each man she had loved helped to prepare her for the one she ended up with. This made me think back too the different men that I had felt there had been some kind of love with. Before I wrote about someone called X, although that was somewhat more of a friendship there was still some else more. I’m not sure I would say I was in love, but there was love between us. We went through a lot together so what it grew to steamed from a kind of love. It made me think of the time of life and the events we were both facing. There had been a lot of ups and downs for us both so when we were there to pick up the pieces it created a love.


    With your friends you do love them and then if sex is involved it changes the entire game. Now why is it when it comes to love we see it as a game, the game of love? I often wondered was that because we seldom won and when you lost it was a gamble? With X it always felt as if it were a game, usually he held all the cards and never allowed me to roll the dice. So in all honestly this could only be considered as a love of a very close friend, one you had sex with. Even if you both did have feeling for each other and felt a strong connection you may not be in love, but who’s to say with X any ways. The way we depended on each other or how often we had sex made you believe it was more than just a friendship. I knew I did love him and from his actions I knew he loved me as well, but that love wasn’t strong enough to hold us together.


    When it comes to dating bi-curious men most times it’s just for the fun, yet there are times your feelings truly do get involved. Each man is different some just look for the thrill of the experience, but there are a few that also are looking for a little more. There was this guy I dated we will just call SI, he was a very sweet man, but also on the down low. For him though it was more of the fact he was still figuring himself out, along with trying to see if he preferred men over women, since he was bisexual. When we first met no one knew about him yet, he was still unsure himself, although from the first day we hung out we both felt this connection to each other we had never felt before.


    There was something different about SI not only was he a little more open about his sexuality, he was also more open about me. We began to hang out quite often and let me tell you the man knew how to take you out. Every date was more exciting than the last and each time he grew more comfortable with the possibility of settling with a man. SI wasn’t afraid to meet my friends, plus when we were out he made sure people knew we were together. When you finally found a man that was excited to show the world you were together you did all you could to keep him happy. Together SI and I made sure we both were happy, it was as if we had found the one, the one you thought may never come.


    Each time we went out the connection between us grew stronger and the sex was probably some of the best I’d ever had. This was turning into a real relationship and I was nothing but excited for the outcome. Of course life never allows you to be truly happy because soon SI had some family stuff to take care of and he left New York for a while. We wanted to wait for each other only he felt that was unfair to me so we took a break. The promise was once he returned we would pick up right where we left off, let’s hope right?


    Dating men in general can be very confusing most men find it hard to express the smallest of emotion. There had been this guy that I call Man, Man was the type of guy that showed you all of the romance and made sure to share his feeling with you. When we first started dating I felt everything was going in the right direction, not only did he make sure to plan nice dates, he also did all he could to make you know he was interested in you. He said the right words and had a way of making you feel as the most important person in the world.


    The thing that was different about Man was that he began to use the word love very early on, in fact he made sure we both did, for a bi-curious man that was a first. It was nice finding someone that wanted this as much as I did and as the months past he only made sure to make me fall for him more. So was this really love, or were we just in love with the idea of it? Either way he was the first and only man that I had ever met who rushed a relationship to the level we ended up on. I always assumed he was just a romantic or even someone that just really wanted a relationship then you wonder if it could have been love at sight?


    The love with Man was a forced love, one he craved for his own satisfaction and in the end he did make me fall for him. This love was not the same has I had felt for SI, shit even X. Every person will bring a certain love to you, some may be for good reasons while others may be to help you grow. In a way I guess to teach us what true love really is. The way I see it each guy you date and fall for may not be the one, or even anything more than a friend, but there is love there. We are human we want affection and in all honesty we can’t control who gets into our hearts or who we may care for.


    Something we all forget to do when thinking back at the lost loves of our lives is think what was it that they actually provided for you? The first thing we think about is why they left and could I have done anything different? Next is always how are they now and what are they doing? The third thing always is the I miss them and thinking what the future could have been like with them. We all do it and trust me I know I have many times, its like we need to have some sort of fantasy in our minds that we need to hold on too a little longer. I often felt we do this to ourselves only because of the fact that they got away from us. Friends always used to say your heart will always want what it can’t have, so does that mean our hearts don’t understand love?


    Love can be a strange thing one that is hard to let go even when there is nothing left between you and the other person. Whether you are dating a bi-curious man or not you can’t be too sure as to what you are really feeling. Take this other bi-curious man I was seeing for a while it was this guy I’ll call FL for first love. Now this story I have yet to tell and chances are I may never, but one thing I will talk about is the love we had for each other. This was one of those secret relationships you have in high school, you know the kind where you feel you need to hide your true feelings since someone was still in the closet. I was out back then already and sadly to this day I’m sure he still hasn’t told anyone.


    We had a thing that started when we were both young, you know that curious time where you had to be sure as to what you really wanted. Now as we both grew up the feelings we had grew as well, making it harder to say goodbye to each other when we both had to go our separate ways. The first love is always one that really makes you think back and remember the happiness it brought you.


    So dating bi-curious men can always be fun but the times that love gets involved it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a bad thing. Look at the men I spoke about each one gave me a certain type of love and helped me grow to be where I am now. X showed me that love between two good friends could lead to more which sometimes can be the one thing you needed. People say a good relationship can come from a good friendship. Even though X and I didn’t last long it helped me to accept the fact that friends can fall in love.


    Then look at SI the one man that showed me love from a DL man can still be about romance. The love we had helped us both to only seek something that would truly satisfy you, in fact his love made me realize I was worth it. SI only wanted to keep me happy and make sure I needed for nothing. The love we had was something true, a love you often don’t find, but it gave me hope and sometimes that is all you have.


    Man was the love that was on the border of lust. The kind that was more of a sexual love that made you appreciate a man that wanted to please you and make you feel beyond good. Although this love wasn’t anything to really think about or long for it still showed you a man can love you and give you the kind of sex you only hear about. With Man I will always look back at the little love and the amazing sex we had together. So it in a way it was the love of sex and passion we had for each other.


    FL’s love is the one that will always leave you searching and looking for another love. In all reality this is the love that makes you crave something so much more. If you really think about it the first love is always the one that leaves you wanting more while being happy you were able to love at all. Most first loves will never last but it leaves you happy that someone gave you that love you were unsure you would ever find.


    Love can be a funny thing and at times we find ourselves doing any and everything to keep it. So what happens when you think you have found the one, but you may not be the one for them???


  19. MacGreg
    Latest Entry



    In phonaesthetics, the English compound noun cellar door has been cited as an example of a word or phrase which is beautiful purely in terms of its sound, without regard for its meaning. It has been variously presented either as merely one beautiful instance of many, or as the most beautiful in the English language.[1]


    In a 1955 lecture, J.R.R. Tolkien stated that “Most English-speaking people ... will admit that cellar door is 'beautiful', especially if dissociated from its sense (and from its spelling). More beautiful than, say, sky, and far more beautiful than beautiful.”


    It’s been suggested that Edgar Allen Poe chose the word ‘Nevermore’ for the refrain of The Raven because of its similarity to the euphony of 'cellar door.' I recall that even Drew Barrymore’s character in the film Donnie Darko makes reference to it when asked why she's written it on the chalkboard: “This famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that cellar door is the most beautiful.”


    As early as 1903 - and possibly its point of origin - a Shakespeare scholar, Cyrus Lauron Hooper, wrote in his novel Gee-Boy: "He was laughed at by a friend, but logic was his as well as sentiment; an Italian savant maintained that the most beautiful combination of English sounds was cellar-door..."


    I’m not a linguist, but language fascinates me, and certain words energize me purely for how they sound when spoken:


    ·         Fuselage

    ·         Metamorphosis

    ·         Sanguine

    .         Disposition

    ·         Asphyxiation

    ·         Paprika


    (the list could go on)


    Cellar door belongs on the list. I understand its resonance. As a writer, I never just write a sequence of events to move the plot forward. I intentionally choose to arrange words that create flow, even if that means stepping outside of some standard grammar rules (a reason I enjoy writing poetry, too) and even if it's just to please my own ears.


    Are there certain words that do this for you? Roll off the tongue nicely; cause an emotional response simply for how they sound when spoken?


    I'm curious to “hear” yours.



    [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cellar_door


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