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  • Myr

    Tech Tuesday - Fancy Links

    By Myr

    I created an announcement a few weeks ago asking people for topics they wanted to be covered here in more detail.  You can find it here: One of those requests was how to we make the fancy links, like I use in my post signature to link to my story.  It's really, really simple.  Just copy the link in the url address bar and then paste the link to a story on the site into an editor, and it'll auto format for you.  For example, I could paste a link to my Sci-Fi Anthology story, A Bad Day to Be WET: And it automatically formats.  The neat thing is, that this applies to topics, like the first example, stories, like the second and other things like the Gallery and Blog's linked below:   If you are planning on updating your signature to link to a story, just remember you can only link one story that way.  Further rules can be found here:   Some offsite links also auto-populate.  YouTube and Google Maps, for example:     Hope this helps!  Leave a comment below.
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  1. Secrets, we all have them and for some reason we feel obligated to keep them. Even after the friendship has ended or the trust has been broken. I guess we always hold on to that little hope that we may go back to what once was. With friends we often hold all their secrets as they hold ours, only what happens if you become the secret? What if you are now the thing they must be kept hidden? At times we never stop and think about that, its always the secrets we hold. What of the other person? So ask yourself this, have I ever been the secret?

     

    While dealing with down low or bi-curious men you are often one of their biggest secrets. During the time when we are trying to figure out our sexuality you never let that question cross your mind, it is as if you really don’t mind. When we get older and begin to really date someone you start to wonder what this relationship really is then you may come up with a different relationship in your mind. Sometimes we think if we put it out there it will happen, you know the whole positive energy thing. Only how far can that really take it? 

     

    Men for some reason find it much harder to accept that they may be gay or bisexual which leads to them creating these secrets. So trust me when I say I have been that secret more than I can count, yet three men stick out in my head more. Now it wasn’t because of the fact I was a secret more or less the reason why I had to be one.

     

    First one that came to mind is the guy I knew I just call Hairy, why you ask, because he was extremely hairy. He was one of those very sweet and caring men, the guy you knew would make the perfect boyfriend. Now we had been friends for a while and honestly I had been there for him during some crazy times when it came to his family or girlfriend. What can I say I always try to be a great friend for everyone, maybe I shouldn’t have?

     

    After a few weeks of helping Hairy out with his crazy family and his annoying girlfriend he decided to take me out for a nice dinner. Of course he stated it was a thank you meal and I believed him. It turned out being a fun night, not to mention a fancy restaurant in midtown. Sometimes I wondered about him and is preference when it came to dating, I mean he always joked about dating me. So after this first dinner he made it a point to take me out at least twice a week for about a month. Then the early morning text messages began and the phone calls just to check in. For the most part I feel into this and allowed him to slowly make me the man he secretly went out with.

     

    One night after dinner Hairy drove me home and as we sat in his car he finally made a move. He kissed me and after all we had been through I couldn’t fight back. We sat there for a good ten minutes lips locked while our hands searched the other’s body. Finally he stopped and that was when he came clean and told me what he was wanting this to be. Apparently he had been trying to figure out a way to not only sleep with me, but to create a special relationship between us. He liked men and only dated women because of his family. You see he came from a very wealthy background and in order for him to get his inheritance he had to marry a women and have at least one child. For years he had kept the same girl around to hopefully get his money. He promised me that once he had he would buy an apartment, a place for us, he would make me his boyfriend, although he would marry the girl, and we would spend as much time together as we could. He told me that I was the man he wanted to spend as much of his life as he could with and that he would be able to leave the wife once he had everything.

     

    Don’t get me wrong it was tempting and it was nice to meet a man that was welling to jump through hoops for you. Only this wouldn’t be a real relationship as long as I was to remain the secret it would never be anything real. He would keep me in the shadows and still live the life he felt he was supposed to in public, how great is that? I mean really how many lies must you create just to get everything you wanted? Not just that what about the wife and kid? Being a man’s secret lover was one thing, but to be pulled into a while secret life and potentially family made this secret one that could really hurt a lot of people. I may have gotten myself into some crazy situations before only this is too TV movie even for me.

     

    So Hairy was welling to have a secret man for the rest of his life, he was okay with lying to the world only to get what he truly wanted, money. Really how important is money or acceptance from people that wouldn’t love you for you? If you are okay with setting someone else up only to be left alone in the dark how could I be sure it wouldn’t be me in the end he threw out like the trash? 

     

    Hairy was a nice guy and all, but I was about to create a whole life that could only destroy someone else’s. I said no and that was when I saw the true man behind him. First came the fighting then the threatening if I told anyone. Second was the mean and nasty comments about me, he trying to put me down as much as he could. Third was he begging me to change my mind and promising me more then he could probably offer. Lastly came Hairy blaming me saying I made him think he was gay and I was crazy. All I could say was bye and that was the end of him.

     

    The next guy was this man I call V. Now V was your sexy, well off New York business man, the kind of man you saw on TV and the movies. He had that sexy tatted up body, which he kept hidden under his expensive suits, and the personality that you dreamed of, not to mention we had some amazing sex. He was that type of guy you heard stories about so when he made the move on you, you knew you had to have him. So when he told me I was someone he wanted I couldn’t say no. I know, I know this wasn’t the best thing to do. 

     

    V and I create a secret relationship, one that went on for a few years. Now he wasn’t as available as I would like, but he made sure to talk to me every day, it was as if he understood how to make this work. On days I felt alone I would randomly receive a gift from him. Then when he knew he wouldn’t be able to see me when I needed he made sure to plan the best date I had ever gone on for the following weekend. He did more than just impress me, V made sure I would never consider leaving him. In all reality this could have been the perfect relationship, one where you could see yourself settling down together.
     
    He was one of those successful men that always had a certain front people knew him by. Everyone saw him has this macho, athletic, woman’s man, kind of guy. I heard the stories of all the girls he had before and all of the girls that threw themselves at him. V was the man that every guy looked up too, the guy they all wanted to be friends with. It was as if every time he came into a room people demanded he know them so they could say they were friends. I guess I could honestly say V had the perfect life, the girl to show off, a great job, people that wanted him or wanted to be him, and now a man on the side. So just because you had this persona people saw do you really have to live up to it?

     

    Why is that? Why must people worry so much what others think or say that they would actually live a lie? So you would rather be unhappy and drag other people down with you? I guess the real problem was why was I welling to fall into this mess and allow him to use me when he needed. The thing was he knew how to keep me happy and what I needed to feel this was real, sadly it would never be what I wanted or needed it to be. Some people may be okay with actually being nothing to a person, besides a person to fulfill a fantasy with. At this time I really didn’t think I could handle that anymore. I’m not sure if he ever sought out another man for his secret boyfriend all I knew was it couldn’t be me.

     

    The last guy I actually didn’t understand the reasoning behind him wanting to even keep our friendship a secret. I’m just going to call him L, so L and I had known each other for a few years. He recently was going through a divorce and had been taking it pretty bad. Only that didn’t stop him from his dating a few different girls, or so he told people. One day he was upset about a girl he was trying to date, or should I support.

    Apparently they had gone out on two dates which meant dinner and shopping of course he paid for everything. So when she decided she wasn’t feeling him he came crawling to me for support. It’s funny how these guys always saw me as that shoulder to cry on.

     

    Since I was being the good friend I decided to take L out for some drinks and let him get everything off his chest. So after at least three drinks L was more than ready to open up and let me tell you the things he shared with me were very surprising. He ended up coming back to my place where he continued to complain about his life and how much he hated everything in it. Soon he went on to say how important my friendship had become to him and he was thankful for me. So when he asked to spend the night and if I would hold him until he feel asleep I said yes. 

     

    After that night L started coming over a lot more and he was calling me every day, multiple times in fact. I was starting to look forward to our conversations and we actually had fun going out. The funny part for me was that even though we were just friends L kept me a secret. None of his friends knew about me and I was never invited out, unless it were just he and I. I did invite him out when I had something going on and all he would say was it would be better if people didn’t know, didn’t know what? Maybe he was one of those guys that didn’t want people to know he was friends with a gay man or the fact that we cuddled at least one night a week. 

     

    Our friendship went on for a few more weeks and then things changed. One night L and I had gone out for a few drinks. When we got back to my place was when we moved into the physical side. To my surprise the next morning he woke me up kissing me, in fact we had sex again a couple of times. So much for him being straight, then again maybe he was just curious? Now was when L and I became more like boyfriends, he started calling me babe and made it very clear I could not see any other men. Whenever we hung out we would have sex, and of course he did all he could to keep me in the background of his life.

     

    L was actually treating me pretty good for this being a secret relationship, he knew how to be an amazing boyfriend. I wasn’t sure as to why I had to be this big secret, okay maybe now that we were sexual I could see why. Then I look back to when we were just friends and wondered why I had to be hidden then. My guess was that he must have had feelings for me before and wasn’t sure how to react. Or maybe he just needed someone and had nowhere else to turn, since I was a good friend he let something more happen with me. Yet that still didn’t answer as to why he wanted to keep our friendship a secret. 

     

    The secret relationship L and I had created went on for only another month or so. Finally I worked up the nerve to ask him why he never wanted people to know he and I were friends. Then I asked why he allowed our friendship to change into a relationship. The last question I asked was if he really saw something serious with me or if this was just his way to fulfill a fantasy he always had. Sadly L provided me no answers, he became angry that I would even consider this anything real. Although he did say he never wanted any of his friends to know he was gay. He left and to this day we have yet to talk about what really went on between us. All I know is he blocked me and I did try to reach out to him once just to check in, which I never got any responses back.

     

    Three different men that chose to keep me a secret in their life, all for very different reasons. Hairy, was gay and only wanted to make sure he got his family money. V, bisexual that wanted to have it all. Then L a gay man so afraid to admit he was that he would do all he could to remain straight. So in a sense looking from the outside in you would think these were just your everyday bi-curious men that wanted to enjoy the company of another man, only we don’t stop to think what secrets they are truly hiding?

     

    We all have secrets, but how far would you go to keep one? Some men decide to stay on the down low and fulfill that urge once in a while, then you have a few that want a secret relationship with a man. So let me ask you this, what do you think would happen if their were actual feelings involved? What if someone feel in love? 

  2. Hello guys...

     

    An hour before, my phone landed and bounced about three or four times on the road. Presently it's fine but there are chances are there to get crash in a day or two. And I have decided that I am not going to go for any repairing to it until I can afford it myself. And it will take some time than expected. So that might be it. And that means I might not going to be available like now, on regular basis, here on GA. And that too if the phone got crashed. Last time it survived for two days before collapsing. And it had cost me a lot, that time too. 

     

    So Until then, Alvida my friends. It's not a good bye, yet. But I might be away for long time because of this damned phone, if it get crashed. I just hope it won't get crashed. 

     

    Love,

    ~Emi. 

  3. CarlHoliday
    Latest Entry

    Unbeknownst to me, my shrink replied to my voice mail yesterday when I was at the restaurant and not expecting any calls. I suppose I should’ve set my phone to vibrate, but I didn’t. So, today I called her voice mail line and, shock to me, she actually answered. She wanted an explanation why I upped my Depakote intake from 1000 mg to 1500 mg. What could I say? So, I said I’ll have taken one form or another of valproic acid off and on for the past 10 years, as of April. I know the difference between 1000 mg of Depakote and 1500 mg. 1000 mg is on the edge of total mania and 1500 mg is like a warm blanket.

     

    I tried to explain that 1000 mg wasn’t doing me any good. I needed the extra 500 mg to calm my mind. It doesn’t do my creativity much good, but hell what’s creativity compared to a total wonky state of mind. Sometimes, wonky equals trying to stop a 240,000 lb. locomotive going 50 mph with your measly body. Likely as not, you’re going to be sucked under the locomotive and end up being mangled into unrecognizable bits by the traction motors. She said she knew that I’ve been taking valproic acid for long time and probably felt a certain amount of mental security in the dulling effects of 1500 mg has on my mind which was a good thing.

     

    So, I’ve been approved to take 1500 mg of Depakote for the foreseeable future. What does this have on my creative function? Well, it’s been dampened a bit. At least the new book has been written up through Chapter 10, so I have a cushion to produce more chapters until the reserve catches up to me. Chapter 11 has been started and looks good to the end. Chapter 12 is a bit fuzzy, but I think I can resolve the inherent airiness to my writing to come up with another chapter. Of course, if I run out of ideas, I can always drop 500 mg of Depakote until I’m able to progress through the book. It’s not a good choice, but what the hell, I’m not going anywhere, certainly not down to the railroads tracks or the river beyond. The last thing on my mind is doing a Virginia Woolf in the Skykomish River.

     

  4. Dodger
    Latest Entry

    It seems to be the only way to get anywhere in this world!

    I have to confess; I’ve been doing it since I was a young boy and I’ve always enjoyed it, but nowadays I find it tedious and uncomfortable. It really makes no difference if I’m at the front, the back, or stuck in the middle, it’s something that I no longer want to be doing.

    It’s easier with a friend or relative than with a complete stranger and I’ve even been with my sister a few times but the over-nighter’s test my stamina and my legs are aching after just a couple of hours.

    I’m talking, of course, about air travel and even though the golden age is now well behind us, there is some good news.

    2017 was the first year in aviation history where not a single death was recorded as a result of an accident on a commercial flight, anywhere in the world. A remarkable achievement, when you consider how many planes crisscross the globe daily.

    Apparently, the odds of being killed in an accidental plane crash, on a commercial passenger flight have now been adjusted from 1 in 11 million to 1 in 16 million.

    This is now the safest mode of transport in the world, although ‘accidental’, of course, excludes all terrorist related incidents, mysterious disappearances, and suicidal pilots flying into mountains. If a plane falls does out of the sky these days, we can take comfort in the knowledge that it’s more likely to be a deliberate act of sabotage than a mechanical failure of any kind.

    You have a much better chance of winning an Oscar (1 in 11,500), than you do of dying in a plane crash. It’s even easier to win an Olympic Gold Medal (1 in 662,000), or to become President of the United States (1 in 10 million), and a lot easier to be killed by a firearm (1 in 370, USA figures, excluding suicides and accidental deaths).

    It may be worth remembering how safe you are the next time you're six miles up and travelling at 600 mph strapped to a piece of metal, filled with highly flammable kerosene.

    You could be in Detroit!

  5. Carlos Hazday
    Latest Entry

    It wasn't the best of years, it wasn't the worst of years. But it was the definitely a shorter year. Okay, fine. It was only 24 hours shorter than the previous one, but it sure felt like it went by in the blink of an eye. I think it's age related. :P

     

    Two years ago tomorrow, on January 1, 2015, I posted the first chapter of CJ's story. Two years, 119 chapters, and over half-a-million words later, the damn kid's wormed his way into my heart. And apparently, he's had a  similar effect on some of you.

     

    Some initial readers abandoned the story; I assume something I wrote didn't sit well with them. Others have come on board, read from the beginning, and are now clamoring for more. To each of you, lapsed, current, and future fans, my thanks. Your reactions, comments, and reviews are treasured. It's gratifying to know I've been able to entertain and at times move some of you, my apologies if I disappointed others at any point.

     

    I'm committed to finishing Georgetown, there are three more books in the works. Regardless of what I may have said, subsequent entries are possible but not guaranteed. A historical novel, relying on actual people, places, and events, is hard to write in the future. Georgetown concludes in May 2020 and I'm finding it difficult to exclude those little things which have been integral to the tale. Let's see how I feel after CJ graduates from college. Some of it will depend on what happens in the White House, Congress, and the State Department. Some, on how loud the characters scream.

     

    What began as therapy for crippling depression has become a joy. I now have a cyber family on Gay Authors, and an imaginary one in CJ, Ozzie, Cesar, Brett, Ritchie and all the others. Both make me smile on a regular basis, something I didn't do much of when I started writing in the summer of 2014. Whatever I decide, please know I've come to appreciate you more than you can imagine and should the story continue, I promise to do my best to remain faithful to you and the characters. Maybe I'll even improve my writing some more.

     

    From me and the Abello-Davenport-Liston-Peterson crowd, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

     

    May 2018 bring you and yours health and peace. Everything else is secondary.

     

  6. Hiya all!!!!

     

    I hope everyone is doing well and had a wonderful Christmas!  This blog is going to be somewhat of a review of this past year and a look forward to what I'm hoping to accomplish in 2018!

     

    In April, I published my story "Barbed Wire Cowboy" (the pre-revision copy can be found in Premium under the name Studly Ranch Hands). It did okay, but not as well as I had hoped. Got some good reviews, and some bad, but over all I think it was well received.

     

    In October, I was able to go to GayRomLit (GRL) in Denver. There were a few hiccups, but it was a great experience overall and I met some wonderful people that I still keep in touch with and made a few connections that I think will be a great help to me in the future (if I ever manage to get back to writing).

     

    In 2018, I hope to finish the rewrite of Forging Trust and post it on GA as well as prepare it for possible publication. I also would like to do another short story for the Something Unexpected series. One other thing I hope to get accomplished with my writing during 2018 is the revision and publication of Puppy Love.  But, while that may not sound like a lot to do, there are some changes going on for me that may make completing these tasks a tad bit more difficult.

     

    Some might have noticed that outside of posting blogs, I haven't been very active on site lately and I may not be overly active on the site for days to come. Part of the reason for that is I haven't felt very well for the last couple of months, and sometimes being on the computer makes it worse, and on Doctor's orders have been taking it easy and I spend a lot of time resting on the couch. But don't worry, me not feeling well isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it's actually a good thing, as it means things are going well. I know, sort of an oxymoron there, isn't it. Usually not feeling well is never a good thing, but in November, my Husband and I found out that if everything goes well, we'll be welcoming our son or daughter into this world in July. Due to some early complications, my doctor has me on just shy of bed rest. (His exact words were he wasn't putting me on bed rest, but it would be close to it). We're hoping it's just the supplements that I have to be on that are making me so sick, and I only have to be on them for a few more weeks, but only time will tell. I don't have the greatest history when it comes to pregnancies, but this one so far has been extremely different than the others, and we're taking me not feeling well as a very good sign since I've made it to the almost 12 week mark, so we're cautiously optimistic.

     

    So all in all, despite the lack of writing on my part, things are going well and look rather promising for 2018! 

     

    I wish you all a wonderful start to the year!

     

     

  7. WOW, it's been a while and a hell of an adventure. And here comes the BUT.....

    I find myself trapped again, from a desolate, miserable time on the farm, to living the high life as a lifestyle Dom, with all the trappings that go along with that.

    Large house, 35 staff to run it, 2 contracted subs, and a partridge in a pear tree you might say.

    The BUT is the responsibility of looking after said house, staff etc. 

    The day this change came about was the same day, me and Stuby split. It was me being a twat that did it. After six years of being together every day, I had a meltdown and it ended in that. I then tried once more with my ever present suicide thoughts. Failed again... I was rescued by an old friend and took to his place. This was the fore mentioned Big house.

    So, enter Master Damon Shax, a name he invented himself and changed through deed poll to suit his lifestyle.He gave me a whole wing of his house, to have as a permanent home. Four stories high including two large, dry and powered cellars, which over a year later have become my bespoke dungeons.

    I changed from rough, loose fitting farm wear and wellies into leather, black leather, and the whole Dom accessories, that made me look the part I played. It was the one dream I have always had. 

    With the sale of the farm, I also could now afford it.

    Damon is an ex marine, and a high up one at that. He moved from North Carolina to England almost 10 years ago. A lot of his staff followed him. They are all bound to him in someway.

    He's also a counsellor for people with PTSD and has rescued kids thrown out or ran away, or abused. There are four of them here. Returning to normality at their own pace, with jobs they can take pride in.

    A year living here then followed, learning how the house is run, the tricks of the trade and building myself a new lifestyle.

    I train submissive's to be safely submissive, and wanna-be Doms in how to be the perfect dominant, with an added sideline of being a sensualist. I've doggedly researched everything BDSM since I was 13. It is always progressing, and with new techniques and equipment it will continue to do so.

    Everything is running along smoothly, and an ageing Master meets a young gold digging twink. Damon fell head over heels, taking this sub on a world tour, huge yachts, private planes, spend, spend spend. This was over several months. It all ended when the twink found something more shiny, leaving Damon in a broken mess. He went back to Carolina for a while, and came back saying, he was returning to the marines in a senior role and wouldn't be coming back. Signing everything over to me, (he always said he would) but the shock and how his faithful staff took the news, was one heap of responsibility on me. 

    Now everything is running smoothly again. Yes! you might say. I say no.

    Just before Christmas I received a request from a reader, to know more and befriend me. And that he did.

    He's an awesome man, terrific dad, and firefighter. This wonderful man helped me to see, that all I had done, was go from one trap to another.

    That brings another life change, to travel and have the adventures I've never had. Short hauls first, I've never been on a plane. The end goal is backpacking. That's after I've travelled.

    My new life adventure begins............................................

  8. It’s December and I’d like to take some time to look back over this past year. In January, I wrote about how New Year’s resolutions weren’t really my thing. Well, taking stock of a year was also never my thing. But this year has been a year of firsts for me, so here goes.

     

    I started the year by posting Between the Push and Pull, a story about two porn stars who fall in love but couldn’t overcome the baggage they brought to the relationship.

     

    In March, I wrote a short 18k story with the idea that I’d self-publish it. I eventually got a professional editor to take a crack at it and she suggested I take the story in a completely different direction, turning it from an M/M into an M/M/M. I loved the idea, but it means a complete re-write. I haven’t come back to it yet, but that’s on my list for 2018.

     

    In April, I participated in Camp NaNoWriMo and wrote a 77k story about a humanitarian aid worker struggling with PTSD who meets an overachieving journalist. Over the summer, I pitched this story to a handful of agents, all of whom turned it down. It was difficult to receive rejection after rejection, especially from my dream agent. I know a handful of agents isn’t a lot when most authors pitch to 100+, but rejection is never easy for me.

     

    I was all set to self-publish it when I figured I’d submit it directly to a LGBTQ+ publisher just to see what would happen. Turns out they loved it, and in November, I signed a contract with Riptide Publishing to publish it in June 2018!

     

    In September, I entered an excerpt of this story to a sex scene writing competition. I thought I'd get dropped after the first round, but I made it into the semi-finals! That was due in large part to the wonderful people here at GA. So  :thankyou:

     

    I also submitted this story to a contest run by Pink Kayak Press for unpublished romance manuscripts featuring underrepresented and diverse characters. At the end of November, I was selected as a finalist! The winner will be decided by the end of this year; I’ll announce it here if I win.

     

    In May, I posted Stepping Out in Faith, about a closeted priest and the man who helps him come to terms with his sexuality. It was previously posted on another site, but I revamped it and got it edited for GA.

     

    In June, I started writing the sequel to Push and Pull, called Embracing the Tension, to give Ryan and Erik their happily ever after. This one has taken me some time to get through as I often got distracted by other writing projects. But it’s finally been edited and I’m taking one last pass through it. It should be ready for posting before the end of the year, but I may wait till January and start it the same time Push and Pull started!

     

    In July, I participated in Camp NaNoWriMo again and wrote a 45k story set in Hong Kong. It’s about a Canadian man who is sent on a three-month assignment to Hong Kong and he meets a local, sophisticated lawyer. This was written specifically for Dreamspinner Press’ World of Love series and it was contracted in October. It will be published in June/July 2018!

     

    In August, I wrote a 12k short story about an ESL teacher who falls in love with a refugee from Ethiopia. This story is a departure from my typical style—written in first person, sweet, no sex. But despite it being a little off-brand, I really enjoyed taking a different approach to my writing. This was written specifically for NineStar Press’ Teacher’s Pet Anthology and it was contracted in October. It will be published in February 2018!

     

    In October, I wrote an 18k erotic short story featuring my first female character in a very long time. She’s a high-powered lawyer in a not-so-friendly rivalry with her co-worker, a bisexual man. This story is intended for Carina Press’ The Dirty Bits series, but I still need to edit the heck out of it before I can submit it to the publisher for consideration.

     

    At the start of this year, my New Year’s resolution was to become a published author. I knew it was going to be a tough road, but I threw everything I had into it. I found a great group of writing friends who have encouraged and challenged me. The people I’ve met on GA have been incredibly supportive. While I will end 2017 still unpublished, I still consider the year a resounding success.

     

    Over the next few weeks, I will be setting goals for 2018. Apparently, there’s something to this New Year’s resolution thing. :P

  9. Youtube's random suggestions just gave me a reminder to one of the funniest Christmas inspired TV moments.

     

    Advisory, if you love Santa Claus, don't watch this clip, but if you love to laugh at Always Sunny in Philadelphia's warped type of humor, watch it:

     

     

     

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    Recent Entries

    Want to know what I've been up to recently?

     

    My first offering with Dreamspinner Press under my new publishing pen name J. Alan Veerkamp is now available!

     

    Welcome to my sci-fi holiday short story, Salvaging Claus Day, part of the Dreamspinner Press 2017 Stocking Stuffer Holiday Anthology!

     

    Blurb:

    For three years, Filo has reveled in silence and solitude as the sole occupant of a space station, where he maintains the communication satellite.

     

    Everything changes with the appearance of Luz Espina’s lifepod. Filo shares many interests with the flirtatious Luz, though Filo’s isolation has strained his communication skills. Still, Luz pushes all his buttons… and reminds him of the last man he was attracted to—an attraction that ended in disaster because the man was straight. When Luz learns Filo has never celebrated a holiday, he vows to cobble together a Claus Day celebration for them to share. But is it merely a friendly gesture… or something more?

     

     

    This story is sold exclusively on my J. Alan Veerkamp author page via Dreamspinner Press.

    Click this link and get your copy at Dreamspinner Press here!

    salvaging-claus-day.jpg

  10. Arpeggio
    Latest Entry

    I have been off my autoimmune hepatitis medication for almost a whole month without any flare up. My doctor figures I'm in remission, but it's hard to be sure because the immune suppressants I take for my liver can also treat the autoimmune disorder in small degrees. It's a start, and without my body tearing itself to pieces, my doctor might be right; my condition is chronic, not terminal. He didn't like that little joke of mine, and to be honest, I don't think I did either. 

     

    I'm still taking it day by day. I sleep mostly, decently, for the first time in a long time. I wake up near afternoon every day, and I check my emails (no emails usually), I check my skype (nothing new usually) and I check around GA for new things. I did sign up to go back to school and finally get my bachelors so once January comes around, I'll be a lot more busy. I'll be glad of that. It's a terrible feeling being lonely, but at least I'll be busy and lonely for now on. 

     

    My stalker is still at large. He emails me, not as often as he use to, but maybe once a week. I ignore them, sometimes I don't open them at all and just delete them. He's been threatening to come to my city and look for me. I'd like to see him find me in the fourth largest city in Tennessee. I'm hoping he doesn't, but he likes to remind me every so often that I-75 is quite close to his house and runs right through Chattanooga. He also started acting like GA members and sending me emails pretending to be them based on threads I've liked. I don't know who he is on GA, but he's been banned before, he'll be banned again for sure. I think he's mostly just talk. Something is wrong with him.

     

    Married life isn't much different from dating life. Jamie works a lot. It's dull. 

     

    I'm going to change my email soon. I'll let everyone know when I've done it, but in secret, because I only want a few people to know it. 

     

     

     

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    Recent Entries

    i'll do anything for you, foster the people

     

    never wanna stand up for myself
    never wanna get in the way, i said it
    i don't know what the plan is
    but You can share with me, 'cause i'll
    be listening here
    to everything You say, i won't turn away
    and i will listen, open up my heart and
    i must say that i love You, so...

     

    every day is a battle i face

    strange life i live but its what You've decided
    i'll give it all into Your hands
    do what You will with me, and oh
    i'll smile when you speak
    remember all those times i was hoping for something
    and shaking my head from all i have done
    but You never left me...

     

    give it up for You, i would give it

    up for You

    i would give it up for You, i'd do

    anything for You...

     

     

  11. YA4mT9.jpg

     

    ~~~

    Voilà

     

     

    ~~~

    1. Souvenir (OMD, Moby Remix) Theme General
    2. Je Me Souvien (Lara Fabian) Adrien Se Souvient
    3. Constant Craving (Glee Cover of k.d. Lang) 
      Young Lord Cedrick and the Handsome Stable Boy
    4. The Boy With The Thorn In His Side (The Smiths) The Daggers Of Our Fathers
    5. Memories Fade (Tears For Fears) Farewell To Lucas
    6. The Headmaster's Ritual (The Smiths) Attending Eaton
    7. Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol) The Marquee and Marchioness of Manor House
    8. Sunshine (Keane) Dawn In The Day of Adrien
    9. This Charming Man (The Smiths) Bewitched By Adrien
    10. They Don't Know (Lydia Loveless) Conducting Hazardously
    11. I Knew I Loved You (Savage Garden) Timeless Soulmates
    12. Somewhere Only We Know (Glee Cover of Keane) Private Pains
    13. This Is War (30 Seconds To Mars) An All Too Modern War
    14. Je Suis Un Homme (Charles Parmerlo) Noblesse d'Adrien
    15. If You Leave (OMD) Irretrievable Words
    16. Run (Snow Patrol) Au Revoir Larmoyant
    17. Wild Horses (The Sundays Cover of Rolling Stones)
      Trying To Let Go
    18. Butterfly On A Wheel (The Mission) The Racking Of A Heart
    19. Love Like Blood (The Killing Joke) Another Casualty Of War
    20. Madame Butterfly (Pucinni) A Note At The Opera
    21. Adrian (Jewel) Twilight In The Day of Adrien
    22. Breathe (The Cure) Prayers and Exhortations
    23. A Moment Lost (Enya) 20/20 Hindsight
    24. Here's Where The Story Ends (The Sundays) 
      'A Little Souvenir Of A Terrible Year'

    Souvenir (OMD, Moby Remix) Theme General

    It's my direction

    It's my proposal

    It's so hard

    It's leading me astray

    My obsession

    It's my creation

    You'll understand

    It's not important now

    The conversation

    And condemnation

    I tell the truth

    My feelings still remain

    All I need is

    Co-ordination

    I can't imagine

    My destination

    My intention

    Ask my opinion

    But no excuse

    My feelings still remain

    My feelings still remain


    Je Me Souvien (Lara Fabian) Adrien Se Souvient

    Des fleurs de lys blanches sous un ciel bleu de cristal

    Des balades sous une neige en forme d’étoile

    Des érables aux couleurs d’une passion fatale

    Je n’oublie rien de rien,

    Je me souviens

    Les odeurs d’une forêt qu’un beau lac dévoile

    Les reflets d’un grand feu sur nos visages pâles

    Une lumière intense par des nuits boréales

    Je n’oublie rien de rien,

    Je me souviens

    J’aime tes poèmes, ton coeur, ta liberté

    Tu es la seule terre où

    Mon âme s’est posée

    Un accent dont personne ne connaît les secrets

    Un français qui s’élance dans des mots oubliés

    Une manière inimitable de chanter

    Je n’oublie rien de rien,

    Je me souviens

    J’aime tes blasphèmes, ta foi, ta dignité

    Tu es comme une île

    Que l’on ne peut pas quitter

    J’aime tes poèmes, ton coeur, ta liberté

    Tu es comme une île

    Que l’on ne veut pas quitter

    Des paysages qui mélangent au plus que parfait

    Des dessins que la nature ne refait jamais

    L’impression d’être entrée au jardin de la paix

    Je n’oublie rien de rien

    Et je reviens


    Constant Craving - k.d. lang

    Even through the darkest phase

    Be it thick or thin

    Always someone marches brave

    Here beneath my skin

    And constant craving

    Has always been

    Maybe a great magnet pulls

    All souls towards truth

    Or maybe it is life itself

    That feeds wisdom

    To its youth

    Constant craving

    Has always been

    Craving

    Ah ha

    Constant craving

    Has always been

    Has always been

    Constant craving

    Has always been

    Constant craving

    Has always been

    Craving

    Ah ha

    Constant craving

    Has always been

    Has always been

    Has always been

    Has always been

    Has always been

    Has always been


    The Boy With The Thorn In His Side (The Smiths) The Daggers Of Our Fathers

    The boy with the thorn in his side

    Behind the hatred there lies

    A murderous desire for love

    How can they look into my eyes

    And still they don't believe me?

    How can they hear me say those words

    Still they don't believe me?

    And if they don't believe me now

    Will they ever believe me?

    And if they don't believe me now

    Will they ever, they ever, believe me?

    Oh

    The boy with the thorn in his side

    Behind the hatred there lies

    A plundering desire for love

    How can they see the Love in our eyes

    And still they don't believe us?

    And after all this time

    They don't want to believe us

    And if they don't believe us now

    Will they ever believe us?

    And when you want to live

    How do you start?

    Where do you go?

    Who do you need to know?

    Oh

    Oh no

    Oh

    La


    Memories Fade (Tears For Fears) Farewell To Lucas

    There's only need

    I love your need

    So much I'm losing me

    I cannot see the reason for the Pain

    With hungry joy

    I'll be your toy

    Just hoping you will play

    Without hope my body starts to fail

    Memories fade but the scars still linger

    Goodbye my friend

    Will I ever love again

    Memories fade but the scars still linger

    I cannot grow

    I cannot move

    I cannot feel my age

    The vice like grip of tension holds me fast

    Engulfed by you

    What can I do

    When History's my cage

    Look foward to a future in the past

    The more I talk

    The more I say

    The less you seem to hear

    I'm speechless in a most peculiar way

    Your mind is weak

    Your need is great

    And nothing is too dear

    For you to use to take the Pain away

    Memories Fade

    No don't pretend you can justify the end

    Memories fade but the scars still linger


    The Headmaster's Ritual (The Smiths) Attending Eaton

    Belligerent ghouls

    Run Manchester schools

    Spineless swines

    Cemented minds

    Sir leads the troops

    Jealous of youth

    Same old suit since nineteen sixty two

    He does the military two-step down

    The nape of my neck

    I want to go home

    I don't want to stay

    Give up education

    As a bad mistake

    Mid-week on the playing fields

    Sir thwacks you on the knees

    Knees you in the groin

    Elbow in the face

    Bruises bigger than dinner plates

    I want to go home

    I don't want to stay

    Da-da-da

    Da-da-da

    Da-da-da

    Da-da-da

    Da-da-da

    Da-da-da

    Da-da-da

    Da-da-da

    Da-da-da

    Da-da-da

    Belligerent ghouls

    Run Manchester schools

    Spineless bastards all

    Sir leads the troops

    Jealous of youth

    Same old jokes since nineteen- oh- two

    He does the military two-step down

    The nape of my neck

    I want to go home

    I don't want to stay

    Give up life

    As a bad mistake

    Please excuse me from gym

    I've got this terrible cold coming on

    He grabs and devours

    He kicks me in the showers

    Kicks me in the showers

    And he grabs and devours

    I want to go home

    I don't want to stay


    Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol) The Marquee and Marchioness of Manor House

    We'll do it all

    Everything

    On our own

    We don't need

    Anything

    Or anyone

    If I lay here

    If I just lay here

    Would you lay with me and just forget the world?

    I don't quite know

    How to say

    How I feel

    Those three words

    Are said too much

    They're not enough

    If I lay here

    If I just lay here

    Would you lay with me and just forget the world?

    Forget what we're told

    Before we get too old

    Show me a garden that's bursting into life

    Let's waste time

    Chasing cars

    Around our heads

    If I lay here

    If I just lay here

    Would you lay with me and just forget the world?

    Forget what we're told

    Before we get too old

    Show me a garden that's bursting into life

    All that I am

    All that I ever was

    Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

    I don't know where

    Confused about how as well

    Just know that these things will never change for us at all

    If I lay here

    If I just lay here

    Would you lay with me and just forget the world?


    Sunshine - Keane

    I hold you in my hands

    A little animal

    And only some dumb idiot would let you go

    But if I'm one thing then that's the one thing

    I should know...

    Can anybody find their home?

    Out of everyone can anybody find their home?

    I hold you in cupped hands

    And shield you from a storm

    Where only some dumb idiot would let you go

    But if I'm one thing then that's the one thing

    I should know...

    Can anybody find their home?

    Out of everyone can anybody find their home?

    Lost in the sun can anybody find their home?

    Come on, come on, come on

    Can anybody find their home?

    Oh

    Can anybody find their home?

    Out of everyone can anybody find their home?

    Lost in the sun can anybody find their home?

    Come on, come on, come on

    Can anybody find their home?

    Oh can anybody find their home?

    Oh can anybody find their home?

    Oh can anybody find their home?


    This Charming Man (The Smiths) Bewitched By Adrien

    On Two bicycles

    On a hillside desolate

    Could nature make a man of me yet?

    Under this charming car

    This charming man

    Why ponder life's complexies

    When the leather runs smooth

    On the passenger seat?

    I would go out tonight

    But I haven't got a stitch to wear

    This man said it's crucial

    That someone so handsome should care

    I'm just a country boy

    Who never knew his place

    He said return the ring

    He knows so much about these things

    He knows so much about these things

    I would go out tonight

    But I haven't got a stitch to wear

    This man said it's crucial

    That someone so handsome should care

    La, la-la, la-la, la-la, this charming man,

    La, la-la, la-la, la-la, this charming man

    Ah! I'm just a country boy

    Who never knew his place

    He said return the ring

    He knows so much about these things x3


    They Don't Know (Lydia Loveless) Conducting Hazardously

    You've been around for such a long time now

    Oh maybe I could leave you but I don't know how

    And why should I be lonely every night

    When I can be with you

    Oh yes you make it right

    And I don't listen to the guys who say

    That you're bad for me and I should turn you away

    'Cos they don't know about us

    And they've never heard of love

    I get a feeling when I look at you

    Wherever you go now I wanna be there too

    They say we're crazy but I just don't care

    And if they keep on talking still they get nowhere

    So I don't mind if they don't understand

    When I look at you and you hold my hand

    'Cos they don't know about us

    And they've never heard of love

    Why should it matter to us if they don't approve

    We should just take our chances while we've got nothing to lose

    Baby

    There's no need for living in the past

    Now I've found good loving gonna make it last

    I tell the others don't bother me

    'Cos when they look at you they don't see what I see

    No I don't listen to their wasted lines

    Got my eyes wide open and I see the signs

    But they don't know about us

    And they've never heard of love

    No I don't listen to their wasted lines

    Got my eyes wide open and I see the signs

    But they don't know about us

    And they've never heard of love


    I Knew I Loved You (Savage Garden) Timeless Soulmates

    Maybe it's intuition

    But some things you just don't question

    Like in your eyes

    I see my future in an instant

    and there it goes

    I think I've found my best friend

    I know that it might sound more than

    a little crazy but I believe

    I knew I loved you before I met you

    I think I dreamed you into life

    I knew I loved you before I met you

    I have been waiting all my life

    There's just no rhyme or reason

    only this sense of completion

    and in your eyes

    I see the missing pieces

    I'm searching for

    I think I found my way home

    I know that it might sound more than

    a little crazy but I believe

    I knew I loved you before I met you

    I think I dreamed you into life

    I knew I loved you before I met you

    I have been waiting all my life

    A thousand angels dance around you

    I am complete now that I found you

    I knew I loved you before I met you

    I think I dreamed you into life

    I knew I loved you before I met you

    I have been waiting all my life


    Somewhere Only We Know (Glee' Warbler Cover of Keane) Private Pains

    I walked across an empty land

    I knew the pathway like the back of my hand

    I felt the earth beneath my feet

    Sat by the river and it made me complete

    Oh simple thing where have you gone?

    I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

    So tell me when you're gonna let me in

    I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

    I came across a fallen tree

    I felt the branches of it looking at me

    Is this the place we used to love?

    Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

    Oh simple thing where have you gone?

    I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

    So tell me when you're gonna let me in

    I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

    And if you have a minute why don't we go

    Talk about it somewhere only we know?

    This could be the end of everything

    So why don't we go

    Somewhere only we know?

    Somewhere only we know?

    Oh simple thing where have you gone?

    I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

    So tell me when you're gonna let me in

    I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

    And if you have a minute why don't we go

    Talk about it somewhere only we know?

    This could be the end of everything

    So why don't we go?

    So why don't we go?

    Ah-ah-ah

    Ah-ah-ah

    This could be the end of everything

    So why don't we go

    Somewhere only we know?

    Somewhere only we know?

    Somewhere only we know?


    This Is War (30 Seconds To Mars) An All Too Modern War

    A warning to the people, the good and the evil

    This is war

    To the soldier, the civilian, the martyr, the victim

    This is war

    It's the moment of truth, and the moment to lie

    The moment to live, and the moment to die

    The moment to fight, the moment to fight

    To fight, to fight, to fight

    To the right, to the left

    We will fight to the death

    To the edge of the Earth

    It's a brave new world from the last to the first

    To the right, to the left

    We will fight to the death

    To the edge of the Earth

    It's a brave new world, it's a brave new world

    (Whoa-oh, whoa-oh)

    A warning to the prophet, the liar, the honest

    This is war

    Oh, to the leader, the pariah, the victor, the messiah

    This is war

    It's the moment of truth, and the moment to lie

    The moment to live, and the moment to die

    The moment to fight, the moment to fight

    To fight, to fight, to fight

    To the right, to the left

    We will fight to the death

    To the edge of the Earth

    It's a brave new world from the last to the first

    To the right, to the left

    We will fight to the death

    To the edge of the Earth

    It's a brave new world, it's a brave new world

    It's a brave new world

    I do believe in the light

    Raise your hands up to the sky

    The fight is done, the war is won

    Lift your hands toward the sun

    Toward the sun (it's the moment of truth, and the moment to lie)

    (The moment to live...)

    Toward the sun (it's the moment of truth, and the moment to lie)

    (The moment to live...)

    Toward the sun (the moment to fight)

    (The moment to fight, the moment to fight)

    The war is won (to fight, to fight, to fight)

    (To fight, to fight, to fight)

    To the right, to the left

    We will fight to the death

    To the edge of the Earth

    It's a brave new world from the last to the first

    To the right, to the left

    We will fight to the death

    To the edge of the Earth

    It's a brave new world, it's a brave new world

    It's a brave new world

    A brave new world

    The war is won

    The war is won

    A brave new world


    Je Suis Un Homme (Charles Parmerlo) Noblesse d'Adrien

    Je suis un homme de Cro-Magnon

    Je suis un singe ou un poisson

    Sur la Terre, en toute saison

    Moi, je tourne en rond

    Je tourne en rond

    Je suis un seul, puis des millions

    Je suis un homme au cœur de lion.

    À la guerre en toute saison

    Moi, je tourne en rond

    Je tourne en rond

    Je suis un homme plein d'ambition

    Belle voiture et belle maison

    Dans la chambre, dans le salon

    Moi, je tourne en rond

    Je tourne en rond

    J'ai fait l'amour et la révolution

    J'ai fait le tour de la question

    J'avance, avance à reculons

    Oui, je tourne en rond

    Je tourne en rond

    (Refrain)

    Tu vois, j'suis pas un homme.

    Je suis le roi

    De l'illusion.

    Au fond, qu'on me pardonne.

    Je suis le roi.

    Le roi des cons.

    J'ai fait le Monde à ma façon

    Coulé dans l'or et le béton

    Corps en cage, cœur en prison

    Moi, je tourne en rond

    Je tourne en rond

    Assis devant ma télévision

    Je suis de l'Homme la négation

    Pur produit de consommation

    Oui, mon compte est bon

    Mon compte est bon

    (Refrain)

    Tu vois, j'suis pas un homme.

    Je suis le roi

    De l'illusion.

    Au fond, qu'on me pardonne.

    Je suis le roi.

    Le roi des cons.

    C'est moi

    Le maître du feu

    Le maître du jeu

    Le maître du Monde

    Et vois ce que j'en ai fait

    Une terre glacée

    Une terre brûlée

    La Terre des Hommes

    Que les hommes abandonnent

    Je suis un homme au pied du mur

    Comme une erreur de la nature

    Sur la Terre, sans d'autre raison.

    Moi, je tourne en rond

    Je tourne en rond

    Je suis un homme et je mesure

    Toute l'horreur de ma nature.

    Pour ma peine, ma punition

    Moi, je tourne en rond

    Je tourne en rond


    If You Leave (OMD) Irretrievabe Words

    If you leave, don't leave now

    Please don't take my heart away

    Promise me, just one more night

    Then we'll go our separate ways

    We've always had time on our side

    Now it's fading fast

    Every second, every moment

    We've gotta make it last

    I touch you once, I touch you twice

    I won't let go at any price

    I need you now like I need you then

    You always said we'd still be friends someday

    If you leave I won't cry

    I won't waste one single day

    But if you leave don't look back

    I'll be running the other way

    Seven years went under the bridge

    Like time was standing still

    Heaven knows what happens now

    You've gotta say you will

    I'll touch you once, I'll touch you twice

    I won't let go at any price

    I need you now like I need you then

    You always said we'd meet again

    I touch you once, I touch you twice

    I won't let go at any price

    I need you now like I need you then

    You always said we'd still be friends

    I touch you once, I touch you twice

    I won't let go at any price

    I need you now like I need you then

    You always said we'd meet again someday

    If you leave

    If you leave

    If you leave

    Don't look back

    Don't look back


    Run (Snow Patrol) Au Revoir Larmoyant

    I'll sing it one last time for you

    Then we really have to go

    You've been the only thing that's right

    In all I've done

    And I can barely look at you

    But every single time I do

    I know we'll make it anywhere

    Away from here.

    Light up, Light up

    As if you have a choice

    Even if you cannot hear my voice

    I'll be right beside you dear

    Louder, louder

    And we'll run for our lives

    I can hardly speak I understand

    Why you can't raise your voice to say.

    To think I might not see those eyes

    It makes it so hard not to cry

    And as we say our long goodbyes

    I nearly do

    Light up, light up

    As if you have a choice

    Even if you cannot hear my voice

    I'll be right beside you dear

    Louder, louder

    And we'll run for our lives

    I can hardly speak I understand

    Why you can't raise your voice to say

    Slower, slower

    We don't have time for that

    All I want is to find an easier way

    To get out of our little heads

    Have heart my dear

    We're bound to be afraid

    Even if it's just for a few days

    Making up for all this mess

    Light up, light up

    As if you have a choice

    Even if you cannot hear my voice

    I'll be right beside you dear.


    Wild Horses (The Sundays Cover of Rolling Stones) Trying To Let Go

    Childhood living is easy to do

    The things that you wanted, I bought them for you

    Graceless Baby, you know who I am

    You know I can't let you slide through my hands

    (Refrain)

    Wild horses couldn't drag me away

    Wild horses couldn't drag me away...

    I watched you suffer a dull, aching pain

    And now you've decided to show me the same

    No sweeping exits or offstage lines

    Could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind

    (Refrain)


    Butterfly On A Wheel (The Mission) The Racking Of A Heart

    Silver and gold and it's growing cold

    Autumn leaves lay as thick as thieves

    Shivers down your spine chill you to the bone

    'cos the mandolin wind is the melody that turns your heart to stone

    The heat of your breath carving shadows in the mist

    Every angel has the wish that he's never been kissed

    A broken dream haunting in your sleep

    And hiding in your smile

    A secret you must keep, love cuts you deep

    Love breaks the wings of a butterfly on a wheel Love breaks the wings of a butterfly on a wheel

    There's no scarlet in you, lay your veil down for me

    As sure as god made wine, you can't wrap your arms around a memory

    Take warmth from me, cold autumn wind cut sharp as a knife

    And in the dark for me, you're the candle flame that flickers to life

    Love breaks the wings of a butterfly on a wheel

    Love breaks the wings of a butterfly on a wheel

    Love will break the wings of a butterfly on a wheel

    Love breaks the wings of a butterfly on a wheel

    Wise man say all is fair in love and war

    And there's no right or wrong in the design of love

    And i could only watch as the wind crushed your wings

    Broken and torn, crushed like a flower under the snow

    And like the flower in spring

    Love will rise again to heal your wings

    Love heals the wings of a butterfly on a wheel

    Love will heal the wings of a butterfly on a wheel

    Love heals the wings of a butterfly on a wheel

    Love will heal the wings of a butterfly on a wheel


    Love Like Blood (The Killing Joke) Another Casualty Of War

    We must play our lives like soldiers in the field

    The life is short, I'm running faster all the time

    Strength and beauty destined to decay

    So cut the rose in full bloom

    Till the fearless come and the act is done

    A love like blood, a love like blood

    Till the fearless come and the act is done

    A love like blood, a love like blood

    Everyday through all frustration and despair

    Love and hate fight with burning hearts

    Till legends live and man is God again

    And self-preservation rules the day no more

    Oh, we must dream of promised lands and fields

    That's never fade in season

    As we move towards no end we learn to die

    Red tears are shed on gray

    Till the fearless come and the act is done

    A love like blood, a love like blood

    Till the fearless come and the act is done

    A love like blood, a love like blood

    Till the fearless come and the act is done

    A love like blood, a love like blood

    Till the fearless come and the act is done

    A love like blood, a love like blood


    Madame Butterfly (Pucinni) A Note At The Opera

    One good day, we will see

    Arising a strand of smoke

    Over the far horizon on the sea

    And then the ship appears

    And then the ship is white

    It enters into the port, it rumbles its salute.

    Do you see it? He is coming!

    I don't go down to meet him, not I.

    I stay upon the edge of the hill

    And I wait a long time

    but I do not grow weary of the long wait.

    And leaving from the crowded city,

    A man, a little speck

    Climbing the hill.

    Who is it? Who is it?

    And as he arrives

    What will he say? What will he say?

    He will call Butterfly from the distance

    I without answering

    Stay hidden

    A little to tease him,

    A little as to not die.

    At the first meeting,

    And then a little troubled

    He will call, he will call

    "Little one, dear wife

    Blossom of orange"

    The names he called me at his last coming.

    (To Suzuki)

    All this will happen,

    I promise you this

    Hold back your fears -

    I with secure faith wait for him.


    Adrian (Jewel) Twilight In The Day of Adrien

    Adrian came home again last summer

    things just haven't been the same around here

    people talk

    people stare

    oh, adrian, come out and play

    An unfortunate accident in a canoe

    dr. said, 'i'm sorry, not much i can do'

    the air was so still

    his eyes did not blink

    oh, adrian, come out and play

    Little mary epperson liked him

    she vowed always to watch after him

    still he did not move

    dr. said it's no use

    oh, adrian, come out and play

    She sat by his side, watched the years fly by

    he looked so fragile, he looked so small

    she wondered why he was still alive at all

    Everyone in town had that 'i'm so sorry look'

    they talked in a whispered hush, said

    'i'd turn the machines off'

    but still she sat by his side

    said, 'life he won't be denied'

    oh adrian, come out and play

    Yellow flowers decorate his bedroom

    sign above his door says welcome home

    but he just sits and stares

    he's awake but still not there

    oh, adrian, come out and play

    She sat by his side, watched the years fly by

    he looked so fragile, he looked so small

    she wondered why he was still alive at all

    And little mary apperson grew up lovely

    she still comes to visit him on sundays

    he's like an unused toy

    he's got big hands but the mind of a little boy

    oh, adrian, come out and play

    Adrian came home again last summer

    things just haven't been the same around here


    Breathe (The Cure) Prayers and Exhortations

    Breathe

    Breathe on me

    Be like you used to be

    Breathe on me

    Move in me

    Be like you used to be

    Move in me

    Move in me


    A Moment Lost (Enya) 20/20 Hindsight

    It's only now, when words are said

    that break my heart in two,

    I wonder how you can endure

    all I've said, all I say to you.

    How strong, how brave, how true of you

    to bear the hurt I gave.

    I know it tears your heart in two;

    all I've said, all I say to you.

    After all the words are said,

    after all the dreams we made;

    ev'ry one a precious one,

    ev'ry one a summer sun...

    A moment lost, forever gone,

    can never be again,

    so know how much it means to me;

    all you said,

    all you gave,

    all your love to me.


    Here's Where The Story Ends (The Sundays) 
    'A Little Souvenir Of A Terrible Year'

    People I know, places I go

    Make me feel tongue tied

    I can see how, people look down

    They're on the inside

    Here's where the story ends

    People I see, weary of me

    Showing my good side

    I can see how, people look down

    I'm on the outside

    Here's, where the story ends Ooh here's, where the story ends

    It's that little souvenir, of a terrible year

    Which makes my eyes feel sore

    Oh I never should have said, the books that you read

    Were all I loved you for

    It's that little souvenir, of a terrible year

    Which makes me wonder why

    And it's the memories of the shed, that make me turn red

    Surprise, surprise, surprise

    Crazy I know, places I go

    Make me feel so tired

    I can see how people look down

    I'm on the outside

    Here's, where the story ends Ooh here's, where the story ends

    It's that little souvenir, of a terrible year

    Which makes my eyes feel sore

    And who ever would've thought, the books that you brought

    Were all I loved you for

    Oh the devil in me said, go down to the shed

    I know where I belong

    But the only thing I ever really wanted to say

    Was wrong, was wrong, was wrong

    It's that little souvenir, of a colorful year

    Which makes me smile inside

    So I cynically, cynically say, the world is that way

    Surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise

    Here's, where the story ends Ooh here's, where the story ends

  12. JayT
    Latest Entry

    Howdy y'all. It's been awhile since I've posted anything around here. I just wanted to let everyone know that I miss y'all so much. I miss chatting with everyone and I feel like I've let some really good friends down. @Mikiesboy @mollyhousemouse @MacGreg @MichaelS36 @BlindAmbition @BHopper2 @Renee Stevens @Kitt and many many many others that I know I'm forgetting....I'm sorry I haven't been around. I've been here, mainly creeping in the corner. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. Last Wednesday at work, I had a panic attack and had to leave work and take the next day off. I have no clue what triggered it or anything. All I know is that it took a lot out of me. I miss y'all so much. Please don't forget about me...I still love you all. 

  13. Renee Stevens
    Latest Entry

    By Renee Stevens,

    fFaA0T7znTL3ueAphp0M1W1GdmFnVeMIluM3GahZ

     

    I'd like to thank all of the authors who participated in the Halloween Short Story Contest! There were a lot of great entries and I'm sure it was hard to choose who to vote for. Thank you everyone who voted for your favorite story and a big Thank You to Reader1810 for collecting the votes. Stories will be properly attributed to the correct authors very soon. Congratulations to the winners: @aditus @Mikiesboy and @Dodger!!!!

     

    dDipgbBgGl7DxNOCnOMNqNlFcLVHr8f4FROG7SDi

     

    cZguwtcYb0GYeYiBOESIDPmpEWU6xYKxIKYYvyLO

     

    yuHxcjBYzXIg18lXVT9FaQnYFBYG79fxgErF4HU1

     

    The first place winner will receive a 6 month premium membership, the 2nd place winner will receive a 3 month premium membership, and the 3rd place winner will receive a 1 month premium membership. All winners need to contact me to let me know if they would like their prize attributed to their account or would like to give it away to someone else.

     

    And now, time for the big Author Reveal!!!!

    Dom Does Halloween
    Mikiesboy

    In Between
    Craftingmom

    Zombies Like Us
    Dodger

    Horrible Holiday
    Comicfan

    Calavera
    CassieQ

    Shade
    Cole Matthews

    Purgatory
    Aditus

    The House on O'Reilly Hill
    Carl Holiday

    Oh, The Humanity!
    Valkyrie

    The Naked and the Dead
    Bill W

    If You Go Out In The Woods Today
    Puppilull

     

     

     

  14. First off, apologies to everyone who wondered where I wandered off to. I went home this weekend to go curling in a local bonspiel (tournament) with my team from two years ago. We just lost on the A-side semifinals, and it feels bittersweet to me.

     

    First the good. I'm so proud of the four of us. We can back together after a season away from each other and we took a perennial provincial qualifier right into the last shot of the extra end. We made the semifinals and to get there we beat a different junior provincial champion. We were under pressure from the other teams right from game one on Friday and we held together and kept each other's spirits up, even in the grim moments we had at different points in the weekend. 

    I've been curling for fifteen years now, and I will never, ever curl as well as I did this weekend ever again. Something changed in me this weekend, and maybe it was the fact that this was supposed to be fun and none of the usual attendant pressure was with me in the competition, but I was utterly at ease and was making shots that world champions hesitate on. I made it look easy this weekend, and for once I didn't get down on myself when I did miss a shot or two. This weekend was a test for me to see if I could honestly compete with people at a provincial championship and who are the top calibre players in the province. The fact that I kept pace with these people made me feel good about myself, and even if it ends up being fleeting and I never get it back, I know that I have that capacity within me to shine and lead the way. As time goes on I'll forget the individual shots that were made or missed, but I won't forget this feeling of being so completely at ease and simply knowing that I could do anything. 

    My team was magnificent, I couldn't ask for three better people to play with again. All three rose to the occasion and being around people who accept me for who I am made all of this worthwhile. My boys are crazy, but playing with them made a good weekend that much better. A special shoutout to my one teammate who hadn't even played since the last time we were all together, and who shook the rust off in plenty of time for us to push towards playoff Sunday. 

     

    With all of the fun that I had and the memories I made, I'd be remiss unless I reflected on the things that just didn't work out. 

     

    Losing hurt. Losing by half an inch in the extra end hurt more. The part that kills me is that's on me. A split second lapse in judgment and a second's worth of hesitation cost us a chance at the championship finals. I compounded that error by not pressing the option I had to measure, even though I was pretty sure that we still would have lost. I should have asked for a measure, as it could have given us a win.

    There were some ugly misses along with my good shotmaking, and it is to my detriment that I wasn't able to correct those mistakes even during the game. It was a consistent inability to read the ice and get a handle on the weight for the shots being called, and it very nearly cost us our early games as well. 

    I was disappointed by the amount of drinking done by my teammates. I don't drink, and while I understand that other younger people like to drink on the weekends and at events like this, we're still also competitors. There's no need to have multiple pitchers of beer in a single night, especially when we've got a game the following morning. That couldn't have benefited their play, and  of course we'll never know how things could have gone down if everyone had been completely sober. 

     

    I'm glad I came down, and I proved a lot to myself this weekend. But I won't deny that this hurt more than I thought it would to get so close and fall short.

  15. Raphael Farmer
    Latest Entry

    I am very excited to share my brand new short story with you guys. This one is called FIREFLY and is available for free. I wrote this one in one sitting as it was one of those occasions where everything just fell into place in my head. It is darker than my previous short story so it'll be different. Hope you guys like it. Let me know what you think. :D

     

    For 14 year old Jon, the best thing about his friend Patrick is his good-looking older brother, Spencer. It’s just a crush, after all – what harm could come from wanting to spend a little more time with Spencer? But when Jon’s crush grows from love into obsession, all the usual boundaries become blurred – and he becomes willing to risk everything to get what he wants. 


    My new ebook FIREFLY is now available for FREE. Follow the link to download your copy.


    https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/755179
     

    Firefly Cover Web JPG.jpg

  16. BSltrgK.jpg

     

    The Music of the Darkness

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     

     

     

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    1. Daylight Goodbye (Message to Bears) – 
      General Theme for ‘Gone From Daylight’
    2. Genesis (Nightcrawler) – In The Beginning Was . . . Justin
    3. Blackwater (Rain Tree Crow/David Sylvian) – 
      The Dark Waters of a Troubled Soul
    4. Waiting For The Night (Depeche Mode) – Taryn’s Watchful Waiting
    5. At Night (The Cure) – Navy Pier at Night
    6. Moonlight Sonata (Beethoven/Dark Music Specialists) – The Moon, the Lake, and Blessed Oblivion
    7. Ocean Eyes (Flawes) – Justin Through Taryn’s Green Eyes
    8. Green Eyes (Daniel Ferri / Coldplay) – Taryn Through Justin’s Ocean Eyes
    9. A Strange Kind Of Love (Peter Murphy) – True Love In The Darkness
    10. Join Me In Death (Him) – Taryn’s Dark Gift
    11. The Last Sunset (The Unfinished) – Justin Spends His Last Day
    12. Take A Picture (Filter) – Reborn in Darkness
    13. Lost Boys and Girls Club (Dum Dum Girls) - Justin’s New Family In Darkness
    14. Shadows On Your Side (Duran Duran) – Adventures In The Night
    15. All Night Long (Peter Murphy) – Half-Lifes In The City
    16. Memphisto (Depeche Mode) – Comicality’s Theme
    17. Assimilate (Skinny Puppy) – Fighting To Survive This Dark New World
    18. The Same Deep Water As You – Justin’s Plaintive Appeal To Understand
    19. Demons (Gavin Mikhail / Imagine Dragons) – Justin’s Distance In Fear
    20. Time After Time (Taryn Southern / Cyndi Lauper) – Taryn’s Guiding Love
    21. Lovesong (The Cure) – Justin and Taryn and the Wrist Bonds
    22. Some Sort Of Paradise (Robin Guthrie) – When Every Time is the First Time
    23. If I Lost You (Shiny Toy Guns) – Justin’s Unbearable Dreaming
    24. Kill Of The Night (Gin Wigmore) – Hateful Hunting
    25. Do Ya Think I’m Sexy (Revolting Cocks / Rod Stewart) – Trevor’s Teases
    26. The Underground (Celeda) – IceZone
    27. A Stranger Love (De Lux / Classixx) – Justin and Taryn In The IceZone
    28. Heaven (Savoir Adore) – Dion and Dylan In Heaven
    29. Adagio For Strings (Tiësto) – War in the IceZone
    30. Mysterium (Hammock) – The Prophecy and The Horror
    31. Queen of the Night (Whitney Houston) – Maria’s Vampire Aria
    32. Blood Rage (Nightcrawler) – Rage Ascendant
    33. Pretty Toy (Velvet Acid Christ) – The Beauty and the Darkness
    34. Feral Love (Chelsea Wolfe) – The Beast in the Rogue Angel
    35. Long Hard Road Out Of Hell (Marylin Manson) – The Endless Inner and Outer War In Darkness
    36. Rage (WWE) – Rage Attacks
    37. The Sound Of Silence (Disturbed / Simon and Garfunkel) – The Sacrifice
    38. My Name Is Ruin (Gary Numan) – Justin’s Madness
    39. Non-Stop Violence (Apoptygma Berzerk) – Never Safe
    40. A Time For Us (Celtic Women) – Justin and Taryn’s All Too Precious Time Together
    41. Slug Bait (Throbbing Gristle) – Murder
    42. Never Surrender (The Crüxshadows) – Justin Relentless
    43. Hymn To The Fallen (Voces8) – The Great Mourning
    44. Nothing Shatters Like A Heart (Moto Boy) – Lamentations In The Darkness
    45. The Soft Goodbye (Celtic Women) – The End Of Forever
    46. There Is A Light That Never Goes Out (The Daysleepers / The Smiths) – The Dawning Awareness
    47. Embrace (Pastel Ghost) – Taking In And Holding Close
    48. Stars (Djustin) – Justin Sees
    49. So Alive (The Goo Goo Dolls) – There Is No Death - Only Change.
    50. Morning Beautiful (The Unfinished) – The Vampire Dawn

    Lyrics

    Daylight Goodbye (Message to Bears) – General Theme for ‘Gone From Daylight’

    Overture


    Genesis (Nightcrawler) – In The Beginning Was . . . Justin

    The dark world at midnight

    Woke up by the moonlight

    The dream that you dreamed on that ship knowing that I would’ve waited

    I don’t want you to know that you have got such a hold on me

    Cause even though I feel this way I lack any control of me

    Body up, up I know I learned true love because you are someone to turn to

    Body up, up I know I learned true love because you are someone to turn to

    Body up, up I know I learned true love because you are someone to turn to

    Body up, up I know I learned true love because you are someone to turn to

    You’re the one that I turn to

    The world shining so bright

    The haze in the sunrise

    It seems like a scene from your favorite movie with my happy ending

    I don’t want you to know that you have got such a hold on me

    Cause even though I feel this way I lack any control of me

    Body up, up I know I learned true love because you are someone to turn to

    Body up, up I know I learned true love because you are someone to turn to

    Body up, up I know I learned true love because you are someone to turn to

    Body up, up I know I learned true love because you are someone to turn to

    You’re the one that I turn to


    Blackwater (Rain Tree Crow/David Sylvian) – The Dark Waters of a Troubled Soul

    I haul you in a sea of silence
    On the borderline of truth
    Hope and violence

    I see no sun
    I see no place I've loved
    Depending on the signs to find the road

    Blackwater
    Take me with you
    To the place that I have spoken
    Come and lead me
    Through the darkness
    To the light that I long to see again

    I walk with you
    But sleep beside her
    If summer came and went
    It passed us over

    I see her cry
    I see the face I've loved
    Depending on the blind to find the road

    Blackwater
    Take me with you
    To the place that I have spoken
    Come and lead me
    Through the darkness
    To the light that I long to see again

    Blackwater
    Take me with you
    To the place that I have spoken
    I am leaving
    In the morning
    For the land that I long to see again


    Waiting For The Night (Depeche Mode) – Taryn’s Watchful Waiting

    I'm waiting for the night to fall

    I know that it will save us all

    When everything's dark

    Keeps us from the stark reality

    I'm waiting for the night to fall

    When everything is bearable

    And there in the still

    All that you feel is tranquillity

    There is a star in the sky

    Guiding my way with its light

    And in the glow of the moon

    Know my deliverance will come soon

    I'm waiting for the night to fall

    I know that it will save us all

    When everything's dark

    Keeps us from the stark reality

    I'm waiting for the night to fall

    When everything is bearable

    And there in the still

    All that you feel is tranquillity

    There is a sound in the calm

    Someone is coming to harm

    I press my hands to my ears

    It's easier here just to forget fear

    And when I squinted

    The world seemed rose-tinted

    And angels appeared to descend

    To my surprise

    With half-closed eyes

    Things looked even better

    Than when they were open

    Been waiting for the night to fall

    I knew that it would save us all

    Now everything's dark

    Keeps us from the stark reality

    Been waiting for the night to fall

    Now everything is bearable

    And here in the still

    All that you feel is tranquility


    At Night (The Cure) – Navy Pier at Night

    Sunk deep in the night

    I sink in the night

    Standing alone underneath the sky

    I feel the chill of ice

    On my face

    I watch the hours go by

    The hours go by

    You sleep

    Sleep in a safe bed

    Curled and protected

    Protected from sight

    Under a safe roof

    Deep in your house

    Unaware of the changes

    At night

    At night

    I hear the darkness breathe

    I sense the quiet despair

    Listen to the silence

    At night

    Someone has to be there

    Someone has to be there

    Someone must be there


    Moonlight Sonata (Beethoven/Dark Music Specialists) – 
    The Moon, the Lake, and Blessed Oblivion

    Dark version of Beethoven's masterpiece


    Ocean Eyes (Flawes) – Justin Through Taryn’s Green Eyes

    I've been watching you for some time

    Can't stop staring at those ocean eyes

    Burning cities and napalm skies

    Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes

    Your ocean eyes

    No fair

    You really know how to make me cry

    When you give me those ocean eyes

    I'm scared

    I've never fallen from quite this high

    Falling into your ocean eyes

    Those ocean eyes

    I've been walking through a world gone blind

    Can't stop thinking of your time and life

    Careful creature made friends with time

    You're left so lonely with a diamond mine

    And those ocean eyes

    No fair

    You really know how to make me cry

    When you give me those ocean eyes

    I'm scared

    I've never fallen from quite this high

    Falling into your ocean eyes

    Those ocean eyes


    Green Eyes (Daniel Ferri / Coldplay) – Taryn Through Justin’s Ocean Eyes

    Honey you are a rock

    Upon which I stand

    And I come here to talk

    I hope you understand

    That green eyes

    Yeah the spotlight, shines upon you

    And how could anybody deny you, Boy

    I came here with a load

    And it feels so much lighter

    Now that I met you

    And honey you should know

    That I could never go on without you

    Green eyes

    Honey you are the sea

    Upon which I float

    And I came here to talk

    I think you should know

    That green eyes

    You're the one that I wanted to find

    And anyone who tried to deny you

    Must be out of their mind

    Because I came here with a load

    And it feels so much lighter

    Since I met you

    And honey you should know

    That I could never go on without you

    Green eyes

    Green eyes

    Oh oh oh oh

    Oh oh oh oh

    Oh oh oh oh

    Honey you are the rock

    Upon which I stand


    A Strange Kind Of Love (Peter Murphy) – True Love In The Darkness

    A strange kind of love

    A strange kind of feeling

    Swims through your eyes

    And like the doors

    To a wide vast dominion

    They open to your prize

    This is no terror ground

    Or place for the rage

    No broken hearts

    White wash lies

    Just a taste for the truth

    Perfect taste choice and meaning

    A look into your eyes

    Blind to the gemstone alone

    A smile from a frown circles round

    Should he stay or should he go

    Let him shout a rage so strong

    A rage that knows no right or wrong

    And take a little piece of you

    There is no middle ground

    Or that's how it seems

    For us to walk or to take

    Instead we tumble down

    Either side left or right

    To love or to hate


    Join Me In Death (Him) – Taryn’s Dark Gift

    Baby join me in death

    We are so young

    Our lives have just begun

    That's already we are considering

    Escape from this world

    And we've waited for so long

    For this moment to come

    Was so anxious to be together

    Together in death

    Oh oh oh

    Would you die tonight for love?

    Baby join me in death

    Would you die?

    Baby join me in death

    Would you die tonight for love?

    Baby join me in death

    This world is so cruel

    Placing we're here only to lose

    So before life tears us apart, let

    Death bless me with you

    Oh oh oh

    Would you die tonight for love?

    Baby join me in death

    So would you die?

    Baby join me in death

    Would you die tonight for love?

    Baby join me in death

    Join me in death

    oh oh oh

    This life ain't worth living.

    Join me, join me, join me,

    Join me, join me, join me

    This life ain't worth living

    Oh oh oh

    Would you die tonight for love?

    Baby join me in death

    So would you die?

    Baby join me in death

    Would you die tonight for love?

    Baby join me in death

    Baby join me in death.


    The Last Sunset (The Unfinished) – Justin Spends His Last Day

    Emotional Instrumental


    Take A Picture (Filter) – Reborn in Darkness

    Awake on my airplane

    Awake on my airplane

    My skin is bare

    My skin is theirs

    Awake on my airplane

    Awake on my airplane

    My skin is bare

    My skin is theirs

    I feel like newborn

    And I feel like a newborn

    Awake on my airplane

    Awake on my airplane

    I feel so real

    Could you take my picture

    Cause I won't remember

    Could you take my picture

    Cause I won't remember

    Could you take my picture

    Cause I won't remember

    Could you take my picture

    Cause I won't remember - yeah

    I don't believe in

    I don't believe in your sanctity your prophecy

    I don't believe in

    I don't believe in sanctity or hypocrisy

    Can everyone agree that no one should be left alone

    Can everyone agree that they should not be left alone

    And I feel like a newborn

    And I feel like a newborn (kicking and screaming)

    Could you take my picture

    Cause I won't remember

    Could you take my picture

    Cause I won't remember

    Could you take my picture

    Cause I won't remember

    Could you take my picture

    Cause I won't remember - yeah

    Hey dad what do you think about your son now?

    Hey dad what do you think about your son now?

    Could you take my picture

    Cause I won't remember

    Could you take my picture

    Cause I won't remember

    Could you take my picture

    Cause I won't remember

    Could you take my picture

    Cause I won't remember

    Could you take my picture

    Cause I won't remember

    Could you take my picture

    Cause I won't remember - yeah


    Lost Boys and Girls Club (Dum Dum Girls) - Justin’s New Family In Darkness

    A void in my head

    The hole in my heart

    I fill them with things

    Which all fall apart

    I enlist the gods

    And all the frauds

    We are hand and glove

    Daisy chains of love

    There's no particular place we are going

    Still we are going (yes we are)

    There's no particular place we are going

    Still we are going (yes we are)

    I rise and shine

    And I look behind

    Your eyes are black x's

    Of hate and of hexes

    My soul of vapor

    I'm light as a feather

    And I bind together

    The pain, the pleasure

    There's no particular place we are going

    Still we are going (yes we are)

    The lost boys and girls club

    The lost boys and girls club


    Shadows On Your Side (Duran Duran) – Adventures In The Night

    Shackled and raised for a shining crowd

    They want you to speak but the music is louder than all of their roar

    With the heat off the planet's core

    But the shadows are on your side as soon as the lights go down

    In the darkest place you can find you belong to the hands of the night

    Promises made with a distant friend

    Truth should be known it can only bend to a tune of it's own

    Hey you'll never hear that voice again

    Scandal in white on a tangled vine

    With everybody to say that your having the time of your life

    When your life is on the slide

    But the shadows are on your side as soon as the lights go down

    In the darkest place you can find you belong to the hands of the night

    Shadows are on your side as soon as the lights go down

    In the darkest place you can find you belong to the hands of the night

    Ah, ah

    Ah, ah

    Spinning a compass to choose your way

    You can run you can dive you can stand and you can soar

    Whichever way you can be sure

    That the shadows are on your side as soon as the lights go down

    In the darkest place you can find you belong to the hands of the night

    Shadows are on your side as soon as the lights go down

    In the darkest place you can find you belong to the hands of the night

    Shadows on your side

    The shadows are on your side

    Shadows on your side

    The shadows are on your side

    Shadows on your side

    The shadows are on your side

    Shadows on your side


    All Night Long (Peter Murphy) – Half-Lifes In The City

    When the night is closing

    Eyes are running wild

    Then I hear you humming

    All night long

    The sign I see it

    Tell me am I true

    All I need from you is

    All I see

    This city's paved with cold

    Playboys buying fun

    Seems there is no hunter left

    Without his hunting gun

    Can you feel the light

    The air is wild open

    Oh you see the light it's coming through

    It's there in the distance

    Always offered to me

    Always coming over a hill

    Oh your see-saw smile

    Lasts me all night long

    Like a siren's curl

    When the night is long

    Now come hold my hand

    No bad vibe hearts

    Hold my hand you know

    This journey could be long

    Yeah the seasons come in

    All the nights are woven

    All the nights we'll see them through

    Ah no hundred men now

    Would dare cut into us

    We'll go on and see it through

    Belle,

    Une rose qui a joue son role

    Mon Miroir,

    Mon clef d'or

    Mon cheval

    Et mon gant sont les cinq secrets de ma puissance

    Je voulais livrer

    Il vous suffira de mettre ce gant

    A votre main droite

    Il vous transportera ou vous desirez l'etre

    When the night has come in

    Your eyes are running wild

    Then I hear you humming

    All night long

    Yeah the sign I see it

    Yeah the times I see it

    All I need to know from you

    Is all I see

    Can you feel the light

    The air is wild, open

    Oh you see the light,

    It's coming through

    It's there in the distance

    Always offered to me

    Always coming over a hill

    Yeah the seasons come in

    All the nights are woven

    All the nights we'll see them through

    Ahh no hundred men now

    Would dare cut into us

    We'll go on and see it through


    Memphisto (Depeche Mode) – Comicality’s Theme

    Mysterious Instrumental


    Assimilate (Skinny Puppy) – Fighting To Survive This Dark New World

    Oil remove shred and tear radiation vapor

    It's the fear so unclear man in motion going nowhere

    In our homes stuck in the face spread the word to the populace

    Yellow journal yellow journal set the pace feel the rage

    Manifestations of a sort so insidious off the point

    Simple solution never confusion sport a gun kill a cop

    Crazy world of weary thought so receive me had enough

    Lock me up lock me up

    Rot and assimilate so hot to annihilate

    Deviation tonic mess prolonged existence innocence

    Is he who speaks isn't weak wheelchair virtue so to speak

    Bubonic plague the truth of aids immunity avoid decay

    In the trench of pestilence the bible screams announce your faith

    Mutterings of death to bring suffocate a newborn thing

    Degradation of an age venereal it's all sensation

    Protect design the moral plan infallible as propaganda

    Completely black with no steps back

    Hot to assimilate we'll rot or annihilate

    Agony profusely stains the inner thinking of the brain

    Accusations clanking chains experiments with the groans of pain

    All prefer no one blames the terror in an animal's screams

    In cages our future - the answers insane


    The Same Deep Water As You (The Cure) – Justin’s Plaintive Appeal To Understand

    Kiss me goodby

    Pushing out before I sleep

    Can't you see I try

    Swimming the same deep water as you is hard

    The shallow drowned lose less than we

    You breathe the strangest twist upon your lips

    And we shall be together

    And we shall be together

    Kiss me goodbye

    Bow your head and join with me

    And face pushed deep reflections meet

    The strangest twist upon your lips

    And disappear the ripples clear

    And laughing break against your feet

    And laughing break the mirror sweet

    So we shall be together

    So we shall be together

    Kiss me goodbye pushing out before I sleep

    It's lower now and slower now

    The strangest twist upon your lips

    But I don't see and I don't feel

    But tightly hold up silently

    My hands before my fading eyes

    And in my eyes your smile

    The very last thing before I go

    The very last thing before I go

    The very last thing before I go

    I will kiss you, I will kiss you

    I will kiss you forever on nights like this

    I will kiss you, I will kiss you

    And we shall be together


    Demons (Gavin Mikhail / Imagine Dragons) – Justin’s Distance In Fear

    When the days are cold

    And the cards all fold

    And the saints we see

    Are all made of gold

    When your dreams all fail

    And the ones we hail

    Are the worst of all

    And the blood’s run stale

    I want to hide the truth

    I want to shelter you

    But with the beast inside

    There’s nowhere we can hide

    No matter what we breed

    We still are made of greed

    This is my kingdom come

    This is my kingdom come

    When you feel my heat

    Look into my eyes

    It’s where my demons hide

    It’s where my demons hide

    Don’t get too close

    It’s dark inside

    It’s where my demons hide

    It’s where my demons hide

    When the curtain’s call

    Is the last of all

    When the lights fade out

    All the sinners crawl

    So they dug your grave

    And the masquerade

    Will come calling out

    At the mess you made

    Don’t want to let you down

    But I am hell bound

    Though this is all for you

    Don’t want to hide the truth

    No matter what we breed

    We still are made of greed

    This is my kingdom come

    This is my kingdom come

    When you feel my heat

    Look into my eyes

    It’s where my demons hide

    It’s where my demons hide

    Don’t get too close

    It’s dark inside

    It’s where my demons hide

    It’s where my demons hide

    They say it's what you make

    I say it's up to fate

    It's woven in my soul

    I need to let you go

    Your eyes they shine so bright

    I want to save that light

    I can't escape this now

    Unless you show me how

    When you feel my heat

    Look into my eyes

    It’s where my demons hide

    It’s where my demons hide

    Don’t get too close

    It’s dark inside

    It’s where my demons hide

    It’s where my demons hide


    Time After Time (Taryn Southern / Cyndi Lauper) – Taryn’s Guiding Love

    Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,

    And think of you

    Caught up in circles confusion--

    Is nothing new

    Flashback--warm nights--

    Almost left behind

    Suitcases of memories,

    Time after--

    Sometimes you picture me--

    I'm walking too far ahead

    You're calling to me, I can't hear

    What you've said--

    Then you say--go slow--

    I fall behind--

    The second hand unwinds

    If you're lost you can look--and you will find me

    Time after time

    If you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting

    Time after time

    After my picture fades and darkness has

    Turned to gray

    Watching through windows--you're wondering

    If I'm OK

    Secrets stolen from deep inside

    The drum beats out of time--

    If you're lost you can look--and you will find me

    Time after time

    If you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting

    Time after time

    You said go slow--

    I fall behind

    The second hand unwinds--

    If you're lost you can look--and you will find me

    Time after time

    If you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting

    Time after time

    Time after time...

    Time after time...

    Time after time...

    Time after time...


    Lovesong (The Cure) – The Wrist Bonds

    Whenever I'm alone with you

    You make me feel like I am home again

    Whenever I'm alone with you

    You make me feel like I am whole again

    Whenever I'm alone with you

    You make me feel like I am young again

    Whenever I'm alone with you

    You make me feel like I am fun again

    However far away

    I will always love you

    However long I stay

    I will always love you

    Whatever words I say

    I will always love you

    I will always love you

    Whenever I'm alone with you

    You make me feel like I am free again

    Whenever I'm alone with you

    You make me feel like I am clean again

    However far away

    I will always love you

    However long I stay

    I will always love you

    Whatever words I say

    I will always love you

    I will always love you


    Some Sort Of Paradise (Robin Guthrie) – When Every Time is the First Time

    Sweet Interlude


    If I Lost You (Shiny Toy Guns) – Justin’s Unbearable Dreaming

    We stay up every night

    We fade away

    But now you're living in a dream

    I'm torn apart from the one I love

    Oh, my baby, where have you gone?

    You know I'm sending angels to watch you sleep

    'Cause I'm always on the run

    And I don't know what I'd do if I lost you

    And what in the world would I do without you?

    I try to picture memories we made

    On these cold and lonely nights,

    Sometimes it's hard to see your face

    Soon, my baby, when I return

    I swear we'll make up every moment to erase the morning sun

    And I don't know what I'd do if I lost you

    And what in the world would I do without you?

    I wonder what I'd do if I lost you

    And what in the world would I do without you?

    And I don't know what I'd do if I lost you

    And what in the world would I do without you?

    I wonder what I'd do if I lost you

    I wonder what I'd do if I lost you

    I wonder what I'd do if I lost you

    I wonder what I'd do if I lost you

    I wonder what I'd do if I lost you

    I wonder what I'd do if I lost you

    I wonder what I'd do if I lost you

    I wonder what I'd do if I lost you


    Kill Of The Night (Gin Wigmore) – Hateful Hunting

    The street's a liar

    I'm gonna lure you into the dark

    My cold desire

    To hear the boom, boom, boom of your heart

    The danger is I'm dangerous

    And I might just tear you apart

    Oh, ah, oh

    I'm gonna catch ya

    I'm gonna get ya, get ya

    Oh, ah, oh

    I wanna taste the way that you bleed, oh

    You're my kill of the night

    Now you're mine

    But what do I do with you, boy

    I'll take your heart

    To kick around as a toy

    The danger is I'm dangerous

    And I might just tear you apart

    Oh

    I'm gonna catch ya

    I'm gonna get ya, get ya

    Oh, ah, oh

    I wanna taste the way that you bleed, oh

    I'm gonna catch ya

    I'm gonna get ya, get ya

    Oh, ah, oh

    I wanna taste the way that you bleed, oh

    This is a bad town for such a pretty face

    This is a bad town for such a pretty face

    This is a bad town for such a pretty face

    This is a bad town for such a pretty face

    This is a bad town for such a pretty face

    This is a bad town for such a pretty face

    This is a bad town for such a pretty face

    This is a bad town for such a pretty face

    Oh

    I'm gonna catch ya

    I'm gonna get ya, get ya

    Oh, ah, oh

    I wanna taste the way that you bleed, oh

    You're my kill of the night


    Do Ya Think I’m Sexy (Revolting Cocks / Rod Stewart) – Trevor’s Teases

    He sits alone, waiting for suggestions.

    He's so nervous, avoiding all the questions.

    His lips are dry, his heart is gently pounding.

    Don't you just know exactly what they're thinking?

    If you want my body and you think I'm sexy,

    Come on, sugar, let me know.

    If you really need me, just reach out and touch me.

    Come on, honey, tell me so.

    He's acting shy, looking for an answer.

    Come on, honey, let's spend the night together.

    Now, hold on a minute before we go much further.

    Give me a buck so I can buy a rubber.

    They catch a cab to his high-rise apartment.

    At last he can tell him exactly what his heart meant.

    If you want my body and you think I'm sexy,

    Come on, sugar, let me know.

    If you really need me, just reach out and touch me.

    Come on, honey, tell me so.

    His heart's beating like a drum,

    'Cause at last he's got this boy home.

    Relax, baby. Now we're all alone.

    They wake at dawn, 'cause all the birds are singing.

    Two total strangers, but that ain't what they're thinking.

    Outside it's cold, misty, and it's raining.

    They got each other. Neither one's complaining.

    He says, I'm sorry, but I'm out of KY Jelly.

    Never mind, sugar. We can watch the early movie.

    If you want my body and you think I'm sexy,

    Come on, sugar, let me know.

    If you really need me, just reach out and touch me.

    Come on, honey, tell me so.


    The Underground (Celeda) – IceZone

    Let me take you on a trip, just a simple journey
    A journey full of sound and beats
    One that will lead you down, way down
    To the underground, i said the underground
    Where your body begins to tremble
    And your hands become just a little nimble
    The underground


    Now let me see you work
    Let me take you on a trip
    Where the party children are waiting
    And theres no concert playing
    At the underground


    Where your feet can take the flight
    And the dj makes it right
    The underground baby, the underground
    Bu-bu-bump, and dance (x6)
    If u can hang ´til daybreak, u know u r coming home late (x2)
    The underground baby, the underground


    Its dark in here, you can feel it all around, the underground (x3)
    Now let me see you work
    Bu-bu-bump, and dance (x8)
    Let me take you on a trip, just a simple journey
    A journey full of sound and beats
    One that will lead you down, way down
    To the underground


    Where your body begins to tremble
    And your hands become just a little nimble
    The underground


    A Stranger Love (De Lux / Classixx) – Justin and Taryn In The IceZone

    If you're sure of yourself tonight
    Grab a coat and a suit and a tie
    Place the links on the cuffs of your shirt
    Making sure that your hair is done first

    In your heart, in your mind
    Your love, he wakes up paralyzed
    By your gaze tonight
    He will fall tonight

    I fell asleep in your big house dreaming
    He would wait for me to say goodnight
    In my heart, in my head he's turning
    Goodbye, goodbye tonight

    'Cause it's a stranger love
    And it's a stranger love tonight
    Yeah it's a stranger love

    And if you're sure of yourself tonight
    Grab a coat and a suit and a tie
    Place the links on the cuffs of your shirt
    Making sure that your heart doesn't hurt

    In your heart, in your mind
    Your love, he waits in all the lines
    For all the guys tonight
    He will fall behind

    I fell asleep in your big house dreaming
    He would wait for me to say goodnight
    In my heart, in my head he's turning
    Goodbye, goodbye tonight

    'Cause it's a stranger love
    And it's a stranger love tonight
    Yeah it's a stranger love


    Heaven (Savoir Adore) – Dion and Dylan In Heaven

    In the night, in the darkest of dark

    We are bright, we are holy fire

    The light, crash into the ground

    Lovers with a foreign name

    Say it, do you feel the same?

    The word worth fighting for

    Echoes crash into it all

    We separate, the bodies fall

    Heaven

    I'm in heaven

    Heaven

    I'm in heaven

    In the night, it's a one shot shot to the light

    We are holy fire in the fight

    It keeps us holding on

    Was it just another game?

    Say it once and feel my pain

    A love worth fighting for

    One on one into it all

    We sacrifice the ones we call

    Heaven

    I'm in heaven

    Heaven

    I'm in heaven

    Will it die

    If we close our eyes in the dark

    Heaven

    I'm in heaven


    Adagio For Strings (Tiësto) – War in the IceZone

    Thumping EDM set to a dirge


    Mysterium (Hammock) – The Prophecy and The Horror

    Mysterious and ominous instrumental


    Queen of the Night (Whitney Houston) – Maria’s Vampire Aria

    I've got the stuff that you want

    I've got the thing that you need

    I've got more than enough

    To make you drop to your knees

    'Cause I'm the queen of the night

    The queen of the night

    Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

    Don't make no difference if I'm wrong or I'm right

    I've got the feeling and I'm willing tonight

    Well I ain't nobody's angel

    What can I say, I'm just that way

    I've got the stuff that you want

    I've got the thing that you need

    I've got more than enough

    To make you drop to your knees

    'Cause I'm the queen of the night

    The queen of the night

    Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

    'Cause I'm the queen of the night

    The queen of the night

    Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

    You've got a problem with the way that I am

    They say I'm trouble and I don't give a damn

    But when I'm bad I know I'm better

    I just want to get you, and turn it up for you

    I've got the stuff that you want

    I've got the thing that you need

    I've got more than enough

    To make you drop to your knees

    'Cause I'm the queen of the night

    The queen of the night

    Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

    'Cause I'm the queen of the night

    The queen of the night

    Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah


    Blood Rage (Nightcrawler) – Rage Ascendant

    Suspenseful Instrumental


    Pretty Toy (Velvet Acid Christ) – The Beauty and the Darkness

    Such a pretty toy
    Such a pretty toy to play with
    Such a pretty toy
    Such a pretty toy to play with

    A Gun on the floor
    A hole in your head
    Just like a whore
    You wish you were dead

    A gun on the floor
    A hole in your head
    Just like a whore
    You wish you were dead

    In your eyes, In your neck
    In your mind, In your heart
    In your eyes, In your mind
    In your heart, In your soul

    In your eyes, In your neck
    In your mind, In your heart
    In your eyes, In your mind
    In your heart, In your soul

    Such a pretty toy
    Such a pretty toy to play with
    Such a pretty toy
    Such a pretty toy to play with


    Feral Love (Chelsea Wolfe) – The Beast in the Rogue Angel

    Run from the light

    Your eyes black like an animal

    Deep in the water

    I care for no one but the offspring of your mind

    Run from the one who comes to find you

    Wait for the night that comes to hide

    Your eyes black like an animal

    Black like an animal

    Crossing the water

    Lead them to DIE

    We press for the water, press for the river, press for the rain

    We press for the water, press for the river, press for the pain

    We press for the water...


    Long Hard Road Out Of Hell (Marylin Manson) – 
    The Endless Inner and Outer War In Darkness

    I want to fly into your sun

    Need faith to make me numb

    Live like a teenage christ

    I'm a saint, got a date with suicide

    Oh Mary, Mary

    To be this young is oh so scary

    Mary, Mary

    To be this young i'm oh so scared

    I wanna live, I wanna love

    But its a long hard road, out of hell

    I wanna live, I wanna love

    But its a long hard road, out of hell

    You never said forever, could ever hurt like this

    You never said forever, could ever hurt like this

    Spin my way out of hell, theres nothing left of this soul to sell

    Live fast and die fast too

    How many times to do this for you?

    How many times to do this for you?

    Mary, Mary

    To be this young im oh so scared

    I wanna live, I wanna love

    But its a long hard road, out of hell

    I wanna live, I wanna love

    But its a long hard road, out of hell

    You never said forever, could ever hurt like this

    You never said forever, could ever hurt like this

    I wanna live, I wanna love

    But its a long hard road, out of hell

    Long hard road, out of hell

    I wanna live, I wanna love

    But its a long hard road, out of hell

    Sell my soul for anything, anything but you

    Sell my soul for anything, anything but you


    Rage (WWE) – Rage Attacks

    I'm takin back what's mine, I ain't givin' in

    Do what they tell me? Naw, I ain't listenin'

    Can't deny I was ready for this

    Shove it back in the faces who say I'd miss

    I'm takin back what's mine, I ain't givin' in

    Do what they tell me? Naw, I ain't listenin'

    Can't deny I was ready for this

    Shove it back in the faces who say I'd miss

    Can't help but feelin' like a beast in the cage

    Somebody let me out I'm 'bout to feast on the rage

    I'm piecing the plays together while y'all sleep on the way

    That I keep on it 24/7 I'll sleep in the grave

    And you can bet that

    Cause if you thinkin' for a minute

    That you catchin' me slippin'

    You can forget that It's probably obvious I came for the throne

    Snatch the crown from your dome

    Now the king's come home

    I'm takin back what's mine, I ain't givin' in

    Do what they tell me? Naw, I ain't listenin'

    Can't deny I was ready for this

    Shove it back in the faces who say I'd miss

    I'm takin back what's mine, I ain't givin' in

    Do what they tell me? Naw, I ain't listenin'

    Can't deny I was ready for this

    Shove it back in the faces who say I'd miss

    Pay attention better listen close

    To the knowledge I be droppin' off the top I'm on a mission so

    Put in the work and then you get the dough

    And if you gotta sacrifice it all to get it

    Then you get it go!

    Damn right thats the mind state

    Of a savage on path with a time frame

    Aligned to define fate

    Tried through the times and the mind games

    Thats why I do it my way,

    And I say I'm takin back what's mine, I ain't givin' in

    Do what they tell me? Naw, I ain't listenin'

    Can't deny I was ready for this

    Shove it back in the faces who say I'd miss


    The Sound Of Silence (Disturbed / Simon and Garfunkel) – The Sacrifice

    Hello darkness, my old friend

    I've come to talk with you again

    Because a vision softly creeping

    Left its seeds while I was sleeping

    And the vision that was planted in my brain

    Still remains

    Within the sound of silence

    In restless dreams I walked alone

    Narrow streets of cobblestone

    'Neath the halo of a street lamp

    I turned my collar to the cold and damp

    When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light

    That split the night

    And touched the sound of silence

    And in the naked light I saw

    Ten thousand people, maybe more

    People talking without speaking

    People hearing without listening

    People writing songs that voices never share

    And no one dared

    Disturb the sound of silence

    Fools, said I, you do not know

    Silence like a cancer grows

    Hear my words that I might teach you

    Take my arms that I might reach you

    But my words, like silent raindrops fell

    And echoed in the wells of silence

    And the people bowed and prayed

    To the neon god they made

    And the sign flashed out its warning

    In the words that it was forming

    And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls

    And tenement halls

    And whispered in the sounds of silence


    My Name Is Ruin (Gary Numan) – Justin’s Madness

    When they called me broken, I knew

    When they called me evil, I knew

    When they called me ruin, I knew

    I would always find my way to you

    When I beg forgiveness, they knew

    When I beg for mercy, they knew

    When I beg for nothing, they knew

    I would always find my way to you

    My name is ruin, my name is vengeance

    My name is no one, no one is calling

    My name is ruin, my name is heartbreak

    My name is loving, but sorrows and darkness

    My name is ruin, my name is evil

    My name's a war song, I sing you a new one

    My name is ruin, my name is broken

    My name is shameless, I'll tear you wide open

    When I called you poison, you knew

    When I called you shameful, you knew

    When I called you a liar, you knew

    I would always find my way to you

    I'll show you ruin, I'll show you vengeance

    I'll show you no one, and no one is calling

    I'll show you ruin, I'll show you heartbreak

    I'll show you loving, and sorrow and darkness

    I'll show you ruin, I'll show you evil

    I'll sing you a war song, I'll sing you a new one

    I'll show you ruin, I'll show you broken

    I'll show you shameless, I'll tear you wide open


    Non-Stop Violence (Apoptygma Berzerk) – Never Safe

    Come close, step inside

    Radiance from the dying world

    Contagious and careless

    You're spreading your disease among us

    Warm sweat, no regret

    All you see is the TV set

    While people around you

    Are dying like flies

    Non-stop violence, they feed us cascades

    Of non-believers dying in the sand

    Feeding us with violence, we face the fall of man

    Believe me, and catch me if you can

    Catch me if you can!

    Come close, step inside

    Radiance from the dying world

    Contagious and careless

    You're spreading your disease among us

    White noise in your ears

    Your eyes look like monitors

    But what you need is silence

    And a positive vibe

    Not your TV!

    Non-stop violence, they feed us cascades

    Of non-believers dying in the sand

    Feeding us with violence, we face the fall of man

    Believe me, and catch me if you can

    Catch me if you can...

    So I took shelter in tomorrow

    Tomorrow will bring a brand new day

    Think I make it by tomorrow

    Think I need more sleep today

    Lets play for keeps again tomorrow

    I need a pill to stay awake

    I guess I'll always hate tomorrow

    Until it's far away...away...


    A Time For Us (Celtic Women) – Justin and Taryn’s All Too Precious Time Together

    A time for us, someday there'll be

    When chains are torn by courage born of a love that's free

    A time when dreams, so long denied

    Can flourish as we unveil the love we now must hide

    A time for us at last to see

    A life worthwhile for you and me

    And with our love through tears and thorns

    We will endure as we pass surely through every storm

    A time for us, someday there'll be

    A new world, a world of shining hope for you and me

    A time for us at last to see

    A life worthwhile for you and me

    And with our love through tears and thorns

    We will endure as we pass surely through every storm

    A time for us, someday there'll be

    A new world, a world of shining hope for you and me


    Slug Bait (Throbbing Gristle) – Murder

    A song about murder with lyrics so disturbing that Throbbing Gristle was once called 'the ruin of civilisation'


    Never Surrender (The Crüxshadows) – Justin Relentless

    Languid waves of desperation

    Fall before the rains

    A vanguard to approaching war

    Is borne upon the sea

    The icy breath of cyclones bent

    On waging our destruction

    Drills hard against the hearts of heroes

    Called here to defend

    And I see storms on the horizon

    I see the tempest at the gates

    I see storms on the horizon

    And a citadel alone

    Clinging brave, defying fate

    And I will stand here

    At the gates to face

    The onslaught fighting

    Without surrender or defeat

    I will never surrender

    With Troy besieged by tyrants' greed

    In Hector's memory, God willing

    We shall save this victory

    Without surrender or defeat

    I will never surrender

    Sudden silence, I realize

    Breaking teardrops in the rain

    With every breathing moment

    The pillars are sustained

    And waking hands attached to nothing

    Tightly clutching close

    Each sleeping vision speaks unheard

    And heaven only knows

    Paris' arrow landed true

    Paris' arrow landed true

    Paris' arrow landed true

    Down upon your heel

    I will never surrender

    This Troy

    She will not fall again

    This Troy

    She will not fall

    I will never surrender


    Hymn To The Fallen (Voces8) – The Great Mourning

    Choral music in honor of those who are no more


    Nothing Shatters Like A Heart (Moto Boy) – Lamentations In The Darkness

    When the last light is over us

    And the night is in your eyes

    There are things that only

    Only your eyes can show me

    Nothing shatters like a heart

    Nothing matters when we are apart

    We can only fall apart

    Nothing shatters like a heart

    I pray it´s you with every call

    I am nothing but a wind up doll

    I let it twist me in every way

    I´d do anything u say

    Nothing shatters like a heart

    Nothing matters when we are apart

    We can only fall apart

    Nothing shatters like a heart

    I can´t just leave you

    Without your smile what am I to do

    It´s not as easy as you say

    You´ve changed my life in every way

    Nothing shatters like a heart

    Nothing matters when we are apart

    We can only fall apart

    Nothing shatters like a heart

    And it hits me like a dart

    Was it over from the start

    Baby when you fall apart, fall into my arms

    Nothing Shatters Like A Heart!


    The Soft Goodbye (Celtic Women) – The End Of Forever

    When the light begins to fade

    And shadows fall across the sea,

    One bright star in the evening sky

    Your love's light leads me on my way

    There's a dream that will not sleep,

    A burning hope that will not die

    So I must go now with the wind,

    And leave you waiting on the tide

    Time to fly, time to touch the sky

    One voice alone, a haunting cry

    One song, one star burning bright,

    May it carry me through darkest night

    Rain comes over the gray hills,

    And on the air, a soft goodbye

    Hear the song that I sing to you

    When the time has come to fly

    When I leave and take the wind

    And find the land that faith will bring,

    The brightest star in the evening sky

    Is your love waiting far for me


    There Is A Light That Never Goes Out (The Daysleepers / The Smiths) – 
    The Dawning Awareness

    Take me out tonight

    Where there's music and there's people

    And they're young and alive

    Driving in your car

    I never, never want to go home

    Because I haven't got one anymore

    Take me out tonight

    Because I want to see people

    And I want to see life

    Driving in your car

    Oh, please don't drop me home

    Because it's not my home, it's their home and I'm welcome no more

    And if a double-decker bus crashes into us

    To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die

    And if a ten-tonne truck kills the both of us

    To die by your side, well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine

    Take me out tonight

    Take me anywhere, I don't care

    I don't care, I don't care

    And in the darkened underpass

    I thought oh God, my chance has come at last

    But then a strange fear gripped me and I just couldn't ask

    Take me out tonight

    Oh take me anywhere, I don't care

    I don't care, I don't care

    Driving in your car

    I never never want to go home

    Because I haven't got one, oh, I haven't got one

    And if a double-decker bus crashes into us

    To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die

    And if a ten-tonne truck kills the both of us

    To die by your side, well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine

    There is a light and it never goes out

    There is a light and it never goes out

    There is a light and it never goes out

    There is a light and it never goes out

    There is a light and it never goes out

    There is a light and it never goes out

    There is a light and it never goes out

    There is a light and it never goes out


    Embrace (Pastel Ghost) – Taking In And Holding Close

    Figure in the distance

    I want you there’s no resistance

    Embrace me tenderly

    Faceless like a shadow

    Sense you when I’m alone

    Embrace me tenderly

    My heart’s desire a burning fire

    So intimate alone

    A sudden kiss your pale lips

    It’s over now I need you

    Like an apparition

    Hold me with no conditions

    Embrace me tenderly


    Stars (Djustin) – Justin Sees

    Imagine your thoughts, your voice

    Drawn by the force that you cast

    We'll meet tonight if the stars align

    We'll choose our fate I'll follow you, follow you

    Until I know you by heart

    I see you ahead walking slow

    Is this a sign? Should we connect?

    I may catch your eye if you let me

    Compelled by a force I take my chance

    We'll meet tonight if the stars align

    We'll choose our fate I'll follow you, follow you

    Until I know you by heart


    So Alive (The Goo Goo Dolls) – There Is No Death - Only Change

    Feeling like a hero, but I can't fly

    No, you never crash if you don't try

    Took it to the edge, now I know why

    Never gonna live if you're too scared to die

    Gonna disconnect from the hardwire

    Time to raise a flag for the ceasefire

    Staring down the hole inside me

    Looking in the mirror

    Making peace with the enemy

    Hey hey-ey-ey (hey)

    Hey hey-ey-ey

    I'm so alive, I'm so alive, I'm so alive

    You can make it on a wish if you want to

    You can make it on a wish if you want to

    I'm so alive, I'm so alive, I'm so alive (hey)

    You can make it on a wish if you want to

    You can make it on a wish if you want to

    Open up my heart like a shotgun

    Blinded by the light of a new sun

    Get up, get up, get out and get done

    For the first time I feel like someone

    Breaking down the walls in my own mind

    Keeping my faith for the bad times

    Get up, get up, stand like a champion

    Take it to the world

    Gonna sing it like an anthem

    Hey hey-ey-ey (hey)

    Hey hey-ey-ey

    I'm so alive, I'm so alive, I'm so alive (hey)

    You can make it on a wish if you want to

    You can make it on a wish if you want to

    I'm so alive, I'm so alive, I'm so alive (hey)

    You can make it on a wish if you want to

    You can make it on a wish if you want to

    I am no man of steel

    I have no heart of stone

    Don't tell me how it feels

    I'll find it on my own

    Never gonna live if you're too scared to die

    I'm so alive, I'm so alive, I'm so alive (hey)

    You can make it on a wish if you want to

    You can make it on a wish if you want to

    I'm so alive, I'm so alive, I'm so alive (hey)

    You can make it on a wish if you want to

    You can make it on a wish if you want to

    I'm so alive, I'm so alive, I'm so alive


    Morning Beautiful (The Unfinished) – The Vampire Dawn

    Inspiring Instrumental Finale

  17. October is Down syndrome awareness month, so I'd like to do my part and spread awareness of this often misunderstood syndrome.  In 1866, Dr. John Langdon Down, a British physician described the syndrome and called it "mongolism".  Until the 1970s, people with Down syndrome were called "mongoloids".  In 1959 a French geneticist discovered that individuals with Down syndrome possessed an extra chromosome.  The correct name is Down syndrome, not Down's syndrome.  In the past, individuals with Down syndrome were placed in institutions, hidden away from society in often deplorable conditions.  They were treated as subhuman and not allowed the opportunity to show just how capable they are.  

     

    Willowbrook State School in Staten Island, NY was one such place.  In addition to the abuse and neglect the individuals who lived there suffered from indifferent staff, overcrowding, and even other residents, they also had to suffer from subpar medical care and even medical experiments performed without permission.  I first learned about the horrors of Willowbrook during my orientation when I started working at my current place of employment.  I've had several people on my caseload who used to live at Willowbrook and it breaks my heart whenever I see that in someone's history.  I am thankful to organizations like the one I work for who provide safe and stable homes for individuals with developmental disabilities.  There are safeguards in place to prevent abuse, and while it does still happen at times, it is not the rampant problem it once was.  

     

    People with Down syndrome are actors/actresses, business owners, and athletes.  They can do anything neurotypical individuals can; it might just take them a little longer to learn how.  They are loving, friendly, and full of joy.  Next time you see someone with Down syndrome, give them a smile and a little wave and see what you get in return.  I bet it will make both of your days.  

     

    Information about Down syndrome: 

     

    http://www.ndss.org/about-ndss/our-team/ambassadors/goodwill-ambassador/straight-talk-with-chris-burke/down-syndrome-awareness-month/

     

    http://www.nads.org/about-us/history-of-nads/

     

    History of Willowbrook:

     

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Willowbrook_State_School

     

    Link to my April Fool's Day contest story "Downhearted", which, while fictional, is based on the mannerisms and behavior of several individuals on my caseload: 

     

     

  18. AC Benus
    Latest Entry

    Here's a poem and my translation of it.

     

    El Desdichado

    de Gérard Labrunie, ou Gérard de Nerval

     

    Je suis le Ténébreux – le Veuf – l’Inconsolé,
    Le Prince d’Aquitaine à la Tour abolie:
    Ma seule Etoile est morte – et mon luth constellé
    Porte le Soleil noir de la Mélancolie.

     

    Dans la nuit du Tombeau, Toi qui m’as consolé,
    Rends-moi le Pausilippe et la mer d’Italie,
    La fleur qui plaisait tant à mon coeur désolé,
    Et la treille où le Pampre à la Rose s’allie.

     

    Suis-je Amour ou Phébus ?… Lusignan ou Biron?
    Mon front est rouge encor du baiser de la Reine;
    J’ai rêvé dans la Grotte où nage la sirène….

     

    Et j’ai deux fois vainqueur traversé l’Achéron:
    Modulant tour à tour sur la lyre d’Orphée
    Les soupirs de la Sainte et les cris de la Fée.

     

     

    The Desolate

    by Gérard Labrunie, aka Gérard de Nerval

     

    I am the tombs – the widower – the unconsoled, 

    The prince of Aquitaine in his tower abandoned: 

    My one and only star is dead – my strings unfold  

    Melancholy's black light whose sun is most weakened.

     

    In the night of the graves, your tears held me controlled, 

    So now return Posillipo, Naples' fair wind, 

    The flower my afflicted heart liked so much of old,

    And the trellis where grape and rose were jointly pinned.

     

    Am I Venus or the Sun...? Brave king or coward?  

    My brow is still flushed from the kiss of the sovereign; 

    I dream yet of the grotto where swims the siren….

     

    Twice crossing the river of the dead, I scoured

    For my turn on Orpheus' lyre to play

    For saintly sighs, and the cursed screams of the fey.

     

     

     

    ----------

    Note:  The poem was published in 1853 as part of a series of twelve Sonnets written while the man was incarcerated for mental instability. The title is Spanish means “the desolate”; “the wretched”; “the unfortunate” etc. For some interesting and detailed analysis of the poem and its images, see here: https://everything2.com/title/El+Desdichado

     

     

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    Recent Entries

    clochette
    Latest Entry

    Hello my little flower I love so very much.

     

    As every Monday I come spend I little moment with you my love. When a good 10 hours ago we were still in each other arms honey and you know kitten it is really sad that Sunday only last one day. If only we could still be Sunday today to be close to you my love. Alas we have to wait until Thursday evening. 

    You know kitten I am feeling so happy next to you I do not know how to tell you at times. I hope you had a nice Sunday my love.

    There is only one thing to regret when we are together it is that time flies too quickly. Finally, a day will come when we shall be united to each other for ever. 

    On this note I will leave you for today my treasure.

    Your little husband who loves you with thousands of sweet kisses

     

    This is a love letter my grandfather wrote to my grandmother when they were dating, a few months before they got married. We have a whole shoebox of them, most are from this period of their lives, other are just from a few years ago. Mom saved them to scan before grandma decides what she wants to do with them before leaving. 

    He was a man of very few words and I can say I never heard him say that much terms of endearment to my grandma in a whole week. I guess they were very private.

    Reading those letters make it even stronger how their love was the real kind, the kind you only read in books, see in movies and dreams of for yourself.

    I hope one day I'll be someone's little flower and he'll be my big love.

     

  19. 6sJRfZ7.jpg

     

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     

    Music

     

     

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     

    Track List and Lyrics

     

    1. Iris (Goo Goo Dolls) – Main Theme of the Billy Chase Chronicles
    2. Secrets (OneRepublic) – Billy’s Secret Life
    3. Killing Me Softly With His Song (Roberta Flack) – From The Reader
    4. Oh Dear Diary (Sloan) – Billy’s Closet Case
    5. They Long to Be Close to You (Glee Cover of Carpenters) – Jamie ‘F#king’ Cross! (Siiiiiiiiiigh)
    6. I Want You (Savage Garden) – Billy’s Kaleidoscope Of Crushes
    7. Feel The Silence (Goo Goo Dolls) – Billy Just Can’t Get Some
    8. I Don’t Want Your Love (Duran Duran) – Joanna x Billy (Not)
    9. First Time He Kissed A Boy (Kadie Elder) – Billy: No Longer Sweet 14
    10. Suck me Off (Boy Pussy) - Virginity is Overrated
    11. Filthy/Gorgeous (Scissor Sisters) - AJ The Whore
    12. Taken In (Mike & The Mechanics) - This Isn't What Love Is
    13. Pale Shelter (Tears For Fears) - AJ’s Def Not The One
    14. The More you Live, The More You Love (A Flock Of Seagulls) - Lessons Learned
    15. Bubble Butt (Major Lazer and Friends) -B-B-B-Bobby Jennette
    16. Love/Paranoia (Tame Impala) - True Lust vs. True Love
    17. Secret Smile (Semisonic) – Brandon Smiling
    18. Love (John Lennon) – So This Is Love!
    19. Kiss me (Sixpence None The Richer) – True Love’s First Kiss
    20. Cinnamon (Cullen Omori) – Tasting Brandon
    21. Sexual Healing – Remix (Marvin Gay) – Brandon the Addiction
    22. Careless Whisper (George Michael) - Mistakes and Consequences
    23. Mad World (Tears For Fears) - A World Without Brandon
    24. Hurting Each Other (The Carpenters) -Unanswered Prayers
    25. I’m Already Gone (A Day To Remember) - Broken and Gone
    26. Lonely In Your Nightmare (Duran Duran) – There’s Always Someone Else In Need of Love
    27. Be My Icon (Duran Duran) – Jimmy LaPlane’s Obsession
    28. Hurts Too Much - Remix (Cinnamon Chasers) - Letters From Jimmy
    29. Leave me Alone (FIDLAR) – This Is Billy Having Enough
    30. Teenage Blue (Dream Girl) – Dying By Degrees
    31. After All This Time (Itchyworms) – Melting Ice?
    32. Trust (The Cure) - The Hill, Billy’s Plea
    33. Tell Me Why (Nine Pound Shadow) – The Hill, Brandon Questioning
    34. To Be Forgiven (George Michael) – Apologies and Acceptance
    35. Come To Me (Goo Goo Dolls) – Billy and Brandon Together Again!
    36. Don’t Dream Its Over (Sixpence None The Richer Cover of Crowded House) - Promises Made
    37. The Reason (Hoobastank) – Billy’s Truth
    38. Fifteen (Taylor Swift) – Billy and Teenagering
    39. Teenage Dream (Glee Cover of Katy Perry) – Music Shops and Special Visitors
    40. Lovin U (Cinnamon Chasers) – Loving Someone Is Always The Right Answer
    41. Hazel Eyes (Maria Ayo) – A Look Brighter Than Stars
    42. Together (Cinnamon Chasers) – Boys Inseparable
    43. Sexy Boy – Remix (Air) – Just Looking At Him!
    44. Your Sex Is A Dream (Trevor Something) – Sex With Love = Pure Heaven
    45. The Mess We’re In (P.J. Harvey) – Getting Caught
    46. Distance And Time (Alicia Keys) – Cooling Off Period
    47. Pretty Boy (Young Galaxy) – The Prettiest Boy In School
    48. Not Enough Time (INXS) – Even Forever Wouldn’t Be Enough
    49. In Your Eyes (Glee Cover of Peter Gabriel) – Living In Brandon's Eyes
    50. I Can’t Ever Get Enough Of You (Darren Hayes) – Insatiable Love

    Lyrics


    Iris (Goo Goo Dolls) – Main Theme of the Billy Chase Chronicles

    And I'd give up forever to touch you

    'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

    You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

    And I don't want to go home right now

    And all I can taste is this moment

    And all I can breathe is your life

    'Cause sooner or later it's over

    I just don't wanna miss you tonight

    And I don't want the world to see me

    'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

    When everything's made to be broken

    I just want you to know who I am

    .....of who I am

    When you can't fight the tears that are coming

    Or the moment of truth in your lies

    When everything feels like the movies

    Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

    And I don't want the world to see me

    'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

    When everything's made to be broken

    I just want you to know who I am

    .....of who I am

    .....of who I am

    .....of who I am

    And I don't want the world to see me

    'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

    When everything's made to be broken

    I just want you to know who I am

    And I don't want the world to see me

    'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

    When everything's made to be broken

    I just want you to know who I am

    I just want you to know who I am

    I just want you to know who I am

    I just want you to know who I am


    Secrets (OneRepublic) – Billy’s Secret Life

    I need another story

    Something to get off my chest

    My life gets kinda boring

    Need something that I can confess

    Til' all my sleeves are stained red

    From all the truth that I've said

    Come by it honestly I swear

    I thought you saw me wink, no

    I've been on the brink to

    Tell me what you want to hear

    Something that will light those ears

    I'm sick of all the insincere

    I'm gonna give all my secrets away

    This time, don't need another perfect lie

    Critics ever jump in line

    I'm gonna give all my secrets away

    My God, amazing how we come this far

    It's like we're chasing all those stars

    Who's driving shiny big black cars

    And everyday I see the news

    And the problems that we could solve

    When a situation rises

    Just write it into an album

    Send it straight to gold

    I don't really like my flow

    Tell me what you want to hear

    Something that are like those years

    I'm sick of all the insincere

    I'm gonna give all my secrets away

    This time, don't need another perfect lie

    Don't care if critics never jump in line

    I'm gonna give all my secrets away

    Got no reason, got no shame

    Got no family I can't blame

    Just don't let me disappear

    I'mma tell you everything

    Tell me what you want to hear

    Something that'll light those ears

    I'm sick of all the insincere

    I'm gonna give all my secrets away

    This time, don't need another perfect lie

    Don't care if critics never jump in line

    I'm gonna give all my secrets

    All my secrets away

    So I'm gonna give all my secrets away


    Killing Me Softly With His Song (Roberta Flack) – From the Reader

    Strumming my pain with his fingers

    Singing my life with his words

    Killing me softly with his song

    Killing me softly with his song

    Telling my whole life with his words

    Killing me softly with his song

    I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style

    And so I came to see him to listen for a while

    And there he was this young boy, a stranger to my eyes

    Strumming my pain with his fingers

    Singing my life with his words

    Killing me softly with his song

    Killing me softly with his song

    Telling my whole life with his words

    Killing me softly with his song

    I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the crowd

    I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud

    I prayed that he would finish but he just kept right on

    Strumming my pain with his fingers

    Singing my life with his words

    Killing me softly with his song

    Killing me softly with his song

    Telling my whole life with his words

    Killing me softly with his song

    He sang as if he knew me in all my dark despair

    And then he looked right through me as if I wasn't there

    But he just kept on singing, singing clear and strong

    Strumming my pain with his fingers

    Singing my life with his words

    Killing me softly with his song

    Killing me softly with his song

    Telling my whole life with his words

    Killing me softly with his song


    Oh Dear Diary (Sloan) – Billy’s Closet Case

    Oh Dear Diary,

    You didn't hear it from me,

    But I know I know something I shouldn't know,

    And you're the only one I can tell

    I'll write it in code

    Cause if somebody showed

    You around I'm bound to lose every friend

    And what am I supposed to do then?

    They must not see

    You oh dear diary

    You're the secret I must keep at any cost

    If they read

    The painful poetry

    And they find out that I feel all will be lost

    I'm trying to make sense,

    Feelings so intense,

    It's hard to cut the dramatics whenever you're young,

    I'm writing every word of it down

    You'd know what I mean

    If you could have seen

    It was like a coincidence only turned on its head,

    It took me 20 pages to tell

    If they see

    You oh dear diary

    I'm a liar that's expected in your youth

    They can't know

    That I feel and so

    You'll be on fire and they'll never know the truth

    Oh dear diary

    Your secret's safe with me

    If you're found on the ground of the school I'll be dead,

    I hear them chanting off with his head

    Oh dear diary,

    You didn't hear it from me,

    But I know I know something I shouldn't know

    And you're the only one I can tell


    They Long to Be Close to You (Glee Cover of Carpenters) – Jamie ‘F#king’ Cross! (Siiiiiiiiiigh)

    Why do birds suddenly appear

    Every time you are near?

    Just like me, they long to be

    Close to you

    Why do stars fall down from the sky

    Every time you walk by?

    Just like me, they long to be

    Close to you

    On the day that you were born the angels got together

    And decided to create a dream come true

    So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue

    That is why all the boys in town

    Follow you all around

    Just like me, they long to be

    Close to you

    On the day that you were born the angels got together

    And decided to create a dream come true

    So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue

    That is why all the boys in town

    Follow you all around

    Just like me, they long to be

    Close to you

    Just like me, they long to be

    Close to you

    Wa, close to you

    Wa, close to you

    Ha, close to you

    La, close to you


    I Want You (Savage Garden) – Billy’s Kaleidoscope Of Crushes

    Anytime I need to see your face,

    I just close my eyes

    And I am taken to a place where

    your crystal mind and

    Magenta feelings take up shelter

    in the base of my spine

    Sweet like a chic-a-cherry cola

    I don't need to try and explain;

    I just hold on tight

    And if it happens again, I might move

    so slightly

    To the arms and the lips and the face

    of the human cannonball

    That I need to, I want to

    Come stand a little bit closer

    Breath in and get a bit higher

    You'll never know what hit you

    When I get to you

    chorus:

    Ooh, I want you

    I don't know if I need you

    But, ooh, I'd die to find out

    Ooh, I want you

    I don't know if I need you

    But, ooh, I'd die to find out

    I'm the kind of person who endorses

    a deep commitment

    Getting comfy getting perfect

    is what I live for

    But a look, then a smell of perfume

    It's like I'm down on the floor

    And I don't know what I'm in for

    Conversation has a time and place

    In the interaction of a lover and

    a mate,

    But the time of talking,

    using symbols, using words

    Can be likened to a deep sea diver

    who is swimming with a raincoat

    Come stand a little bit closer

    Breathe in and get a bit higher

    You'll never know what hit you

    When I get to you

    chorus

    Anytime I need to see your face,

    I just close my eyes

    And I am taken to a place where

    your crystal mind and

    Magenta feelings take up shelter

    in the base of my spine

    Sweet like a chic-a-cherry cola

    I don't need to try and explain;

    I just hold on tight

    And if it happens again, I might move

    so slightly

    To the arms and the lips and the face

    of the human cannonball

    That I need to, I want to

    chorus

    So can we find out?


    Feel The Silence (Goo Goo Dolls) – Billy Just Can’t Get Some

    You lie awake at night

    With blue eyes that never cry

    All you remember now

    Is what you feel

    The truth remains

    In midnight conversations

    I asked for this moment

    But you turned away

    Sad like a lonely child

    Broken the day you're born

    I held the light to you

    But I was so vain

    And you remain

    A promise unfulfilled

    I ask you for more

    But you push me away

    And if we feel the silence

    Holding this all inside

    Everything means more now than

    Words could explain

    And if we feel the silence

    Holding this all inside us

    Looking for something more to say

    I don't know where I'm going

    Only know where I been

    But you move through my soul like a hurricane wind

    We've been so lost for so long

    I don't know how to get back again

    And we're drowning in the water

    That flows under this bridge

    When you're fighting the current

    You forget how to live

    And I wanted to reach you but I don't know where to begin

    And you remain

    A promise unfulfilled until today

    And if we feel the silence

    Holding this all inside

    Everything means more now than

    Words could explain

    And if we feel the silence

    Leaving this all behind us

    When it's gone what will you say

    How do we hold on

    How do we hold on

    How do we hold on

    How do we hold on

    How do we hold on

    You lie awake at night

    With blue eyes that never cry


    I Don’t Want Your Love (Duran Duran) – Joanna x Billy (Not)

    I don't mind if you're keeping someone else behind

    I don't care 'cause you've got something I can share

    Hey, take a chance, even if it's only

    Only while we're dancing in the

    Light of your second sight because

    When you understand me

    You might feel good around me now.

    CHORUS

    I don't want your love to bring me down

    I don't want your love so turn it around

    I won't turn you out if you've got someone else

    Someone else you care about

    Because you must realise

    My obsessive fascination is in your imagination

    CHORUS

    Your rhythym is the power to move me

    It's something you control completely

    I don't want your love

    I don't want your love

    I like noise 'cause I like waking up the house

    I cannot sit down. I can't shut my mouth

    But when you understand me,

    You might feel good around me

    CHORUS

    Your rhythym is the power to move me

    It's something you control completely

    I don't want your love

    I don't want your love


    First Time He Kissed A Boy (Kadie Elder) – Billy: No Longer Sweet 14

    Troubled face

    Headphones on

    Forgetting time and place

    All he wanted

    Feeling stuck

    Set him free

    Running out of luck

    On his knees

    First time he kissed a boy

    He had never, never known

    Cover up is what they told

    Feel so cold

    First time he kissed a boy

    He had never, never loved

    Walks on a curvy road

    Feel so cold

    Keeping back

    The ghost inside

    Locked him in a pack

    All his life

    All his life

    First time he kissed a boy

    He had never, never known

    Cover up is what they told

    Feel so cold

    First time he kissed a boy

    He had never, never loved

    Walks on a curvy road

    Feel so cold

    Get lost, get lost, get lost

    Get lost, get lost, get lost


    Suck me Off (Pussy Boy) - Virginity is Overrated

    Ahhh-hhh (X)

    I was thinking

    About me and you

    Alone together

    In my room

    It's the feeling

    Can't shake the thought

    I might let you . . .

    Suck Me Off (X)

    Suck Suck Suck (X)

    Unghhhh!

    Yeah!

    Uh-huh! Oooo!

    Ahhh-hhh (X)

    Yeah

    I will hold you

    Don't be scared

    I'll paint my face

    I'll wear my hair

    I'll make it easy

    Do what I do

    And when i'm ready . . .

    I'll Cum On You (X)

    Cum Cum Cum (X)

    Unghhhh!

    Ungghhhhh!

    Ungggghhhhh!!

    Ahhh-hhh Ooooh (X)

    Yyyeah!!


    Filthy/Gorgeous (Scissor Sisters) - AJ The Whore

    Oh you're so filthy

    And I'm gorgeous

    When you're walkin' down the street

    And a man tries to get your business

    And the people that you meet

    Want to open you up like Christmas

    You gotta wrap your fuzzy with a big red bow

    Ain't no sum bitch gonna treat me like a ho

    I'm a classy honey kissy huggy lovey dovey ghetto princess

    'Cause you're filthy (filthy)

    Oooh, and I'm gorgeous (gorgeous)

    'Cause you're filthy (filthy)

    Oooh, and I'm gorgeous (gorgeous)

    You're disgusting

    Oooh, and you're nasty

    And you can grab me

    Oooh 'cause you're nasty

    So Nasty

    Oh my,

    Oh my God

    Oh my God

    When you're runnin' from a trick

    And you trip on a hit of acid

    You gotta work for the man

    But your biggest moneymakers' flaccid

    You gotta keep your shit together

    With your feet on the ground

    There ain't no one gonna listen

    If you haven't made a sound

    You're an acid junkie college flunky dirty puppy dirty bastard

    'Cause you're filthy (filthy)

    Oooh, and I'm gorgeous (gorgeous)

    'Cause you're filthy (filthy)

    Oooh, and I'm gorgeous (gorgeous)

    You're disgusting

    Oooh, and you're nasty

    And you can grab me

    Oooh 'cause you're nasty

    'Cause you're filthy (so filthy)

    Oooh, and I'm gorgeous (so gorgeous)

    'Cause you're filthy (filthy)

    Oooh, and I'm gorgeous (gorgeous, glorious)

    You're disgusting (oh yeah right there)

    And you're nasty (you make me feel so nasty)

    You can grab me (drop it)

    Oooh 'cause you're nasty

    Every day and every night the people they say to me

    Miss Honour thank you for the beautiful work that you be doing for our people

    Because everytime when you get out of your Corvette Stingray in your white pumps

    And your pink ice washed jeans with the matching pink rap fur coat

    We say "This thing, you got it going on, you is gorgeous"

    And I say "I am so proud to serve you people because I know that with my looks I can achieve Anything in this world"

    Yes I got that Revlon contract

    Oh yes thank you I'll take that record contract too

    Because you know what? I'm gorgeous

    And my job with my gorgeousness is to serve the people

    Serve, and serve some more

    Yes, thank you ladies and gentlemen for letting me do my beautiful workAnd beautifing this beautiful world that is already, already so pretty.

    In your city ladies are blessed with the best dressed chest

    Don't mess the crest on the best breast

    Your the best, not a silicon mess

    Sally wants a street, got meet with the freak for this we-e-ek

    Sip the beat, till the next week

    Le freak

    Between the silk she-e-e-e-e-ts.

    Filthy

    Gorgeous

    Filthy

    Gorgeous

    Glorious

    'Cause you're filthy

    Oooh, and I'm gorgeous (gorgeous)

    'Cause you're filthy

    Oooh, and I'm gorgeous

    You're disgusting

    Oooh, and you're nasty

    And you can grab me

    Oooh 'cause you're nasty


    Taken In (Mike & The Mechanics) - This Isn't What Love Is

    Taken in, taken in again

    Wrapped around the finger of some fair-weather friend

    Caught up in the promises, left out in the end

    No pride, taken for a ride

    You say I'm the only one when I look in your eyes

    I want to believe you but you know how to lie

    And if you say you understand I don't believe it

    And when you reach out for my hand I don't believe it

    And if you say you take the blame I don't believe it

    And if say that nothing's changed I don't believe it, don't believe it

    Taken in, taken in again

    Someone saw me coming, a fool without a friend

    There's one born every minute and you're looking at him

    And if you say you want me near I don't believe it

    And when you're holding back the tears I don't believe it

    And when you swear that you are mine I don't believe it

    And it's your heart that's on the line I don't believe it, don't believe it

    Taken in, taken in again

    Wrapped around the finger of some fair-weather friend

    Caught up in the promises, left out in the end

    No pride, taken for a ride

    You say I'm the only one when I look in your eyes

    I'd love to believe you but you know how to lie

    You say you want me near I don't believe it

    And when you're holding back the tears I don't believe it

    Oh, there's one born every minute, you're looking at him

    Taken in, taken in again

    Someone saw me coming, a fool without a friend

    I want to believe you, oh

    When you say you understand

    When you reach out for my hand

    Oh, I wish I could believe you

    Taken in, taken in again


    Pale Shelter (Tears For Fears) - AJ’s Def Not The One

    How can I be sure?

    When your intrusion is my illusion

    How can I be sure

    When all the time you changed my mind

    I asked for more and more

    How can I be sure

    When you don't give me love (You gave me pale shelter)

    You don't give me love (you give me cold hands)

    And I can't operate on this failure

    When all I want to be is

    Completely in command

    How can I be sure

    For all you say you keep me waiting

    How can I be sure

    When all you do is see me through

    I asked for more and more

    How can I be sure

    When you don't give me love (You gave me pale shelter)

    You don't give me love (you give me cold hands)

    And I can't operate on this failure

    When all I want to be is

    Completely in command

    I've been here before

    There is no why, no need to try

    I thought you had it all

    I'm calling you, I'm calling you

    I ask for more and more

    How can I be sure

    When you don't give me love (You gave me pale shelter)

    You don't give me love (you give me cold hands)

    And I can't operate on this failure

    When all I want to be is

    Completely in command

    You don't give me loveYou don't give me love

    You don't give me loveYou don't give me love

    You don't give me loveYou don't give me love


    The More you Live, The More You Love (A Flock Of Seagulls) - Lessons Learned

    You never give your heart to a stranger

    Or tell your secrets to a friend

    You'll put your heart in mortal danger

    They all desert you in the end

    The more you live the more you love

    Or so they say

    The more you love the more you go away

    They say that nothing lasts forever

    And even true love turns to pain

    Don't trust your feelings to a stranger

    Don't want to go through this again

    The more you live the more you love

    Or so they say

    The more you love the more you go away

    The more you live the more you love

    Or so they say

    The more you love the more you go away

    Don't ever give your heart to a stranger

    Don't ever think that you can go on

    You'll put your heart in mortal danger

    Turn around and love is gone

    The more you live the more you love

    Or so they say

    The more you love the more you go away

    The more you live the more you love

    Or so they say

    The more you love the more you go away

    The more you live the more you love

    Or so they say

    The more you love the more you go away


    Bubble Butt (Major Lazer and Friends) -B-B-B-Bobby Jennette

    Bubble Butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Turn around, stick it out

    Show the world you got a

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Turn around, stick it out

    Show the world you got it

    Wine, go down, turn and flick it

    A boy like me know how fi handle oi wicked

    One bat, two balls, swing it like cricket

    Pull me locks, slap my ass, make me show you how me wicked

    Baby baby mek me tell you 'bout the body yah

    Make you vibrate like a Nokia

    When me whine and bruk off that body yah

    Uh huh, even kartel a happy yah

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Turn around, stick it out

    Show the world you got a

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Turn around, stick it out

    Show the world you got a

    I had a cute thing, buenas noches

    By the end of the night my knees are now on your chest

    Fuck me bad, let me in, a cardic arrest

    Make me come

    Make me come

    Come, we know you are the best

    Who's bad?

    Let me wind upon your cock

    Tick-tock-tick, riding the clock

    Beat it, beat it, beat it bad, let me show you what I've got

    I ain't Snoop Dogg, but I'mma drop it like it's hot

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Turn around, stick it out

    Show the world you got a

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Turn around, stick it out

    Show the world you got a

    OK, open up your Bubba Gump, let me see your bumper

    The booty so smooth, can't believe is not butter

    I go in from under, he hotter than a surfer

    I ate the booty fast, I'm about to start burpin'

    I burp, burp and re-lick the bottom of the surface

    I load in my clip in and told him, 'Don't get nervous'

    I'm a Bang Bang Chiddy, bang, Bang, bang killer

    Nipple tit dick licker

    Ball like a dribble

    Put you in a pickle, nibble on my dickle

    Why you're tripping? I'm a crazy individual

    Never do minimum, drive Benz, Bentley too

    Damn, bitch, talk much, I don't want interviews

    I'm trying to get into you, into you

    Then make you my enemy

    Not playing, got the bitch mad

    Me don't like flat screen, ass I need a 3D

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Turn around, stick it out

    Show the world you got a

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt

    Turn around, stick it out

    Show the world you got a

    Turn around, stick it out Show the world you got a Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt


    Love/Paranoia (Tame Impala) - True Lust vs. True Love

    I may not be as honest as I ought to be now

    When the walls go up, I said it didn't worry me

    But it hit me and I cannot hold it in

    I can just be paranoid, don't quell the desire to love

    What was really going on, does it really fucking matter?

    Baby is all you can ask me, ok, fair play here we go

    I've heard those words before

    Are you sure it was nothing

    Cause it made me feel like dying inside

    And I was insecure, but it's pure

    Didn't notice until I was in love for real

    And my feels gonna cross the line

    Just to find what your type is

    If only I could reach your mind

    Oh I'd be fine, I'd be normal

    Now's my time, gonna do it

    And suddenly I'm the phony one

    The only one with a problem

    True love it bringing it out of me

    The worst of me, and I know now

    Do you remember the time we were

    The time we were by the ocean

    I didn't care if it was day or night

    We were right where I wanted

    Boy I'm sorry, babe, I'm really really sorry

    I may not be as honest as I ought to be now that

    When the walls go up, I said it didn't worry me But...


    Secret Smile (Semisonic) – Brandon Smiling

    Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile

    And you use it only for me

    Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile

    And you use it only for me

    So use it and prove it

    Remove this whirling sadness

    I'm losing I'm bluesing

    But you can't save me from madness

    Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile

    And you use it only for me

    Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile

    And you use it only for me

    So save me I'm waiting

    I'm needing, hear me pleading

    And soothe me, improve me

    I'm grieving, I'm barely believing it now, now

    When you are flying around and around the world

    And I'm lying a lonely

    I know there's something sacred and free reserved

    And received by me only


    Love (John Lennon) – So This Is Love!

    Love is real, real is love

    Love is feeling, feeling love

    Love is wanting to be loved

    Love is touch, touch is love

    Love is reaching, reaching love

    Love is asking to be loved

    Love is you

    You and me

    Love is knowing

    We can be

    Love is free, free is love

    Love is living, living love

    Love is needing to be loved


    Kiss me (Sixpence None The Richer) – True Love’s First Kiss

    Kiss me out of the bearded barley

    Nightly, beside the green, green grass

    Swing, swing, swing the spinning step

    I'll wear those shoes and you will wear that dress.

    Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight

    Lead me out on the moonlit floor

    Lift your open hand

    Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance

    Silver moon's sparkling

    So kiss me

    Kiss me down by the broken tree house

    Swing me upon its hanging tire

    Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat

    We'll take the trail marked on your father's map

    Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight

    Lead me out on the moonlit floor

    Lift your open hand

    Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance

    Silver moon's sparkling

    So kiss me

    Kiss me beneath the milky twilight

    Lead me out on the moonlit floor

    Lift your open hand

    Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance

    Silver moon's sparkling

    So kiss me

    So kiss me

    So kiss me

    So kiss me

    Kiss me out of the bearded barley.

    Nightly, beside the green, green grass.

    Swing, swing, swing the spinning step.


    Cinnamon (Cullen Omori) – Tasting Brandon

    Head in my lap, cheeks starting to blush

    Got a boy warm to the touch

    Five to twelve lost in a song

    Keep your guard low and down

    So let the tears fall down your chin

    Taste like sin, cinnamon

    So let the tears fall down your chin

    Taste like sin, cinnamon

    You know

    All we are, my love, is unremarkable

    All we are, my love, is unremarkable

    All we are, my love, is unremarkable

    All we are, my love, is unremarkable

    Catch your breath, keep it under control

    Take your time, take it slow

    A lost cause, a lost soul

    More and more, I'm losing my form

    So let the sun kiss your skin

    Taste like sin, cinnamon

    So let the sun kiss your skin

    Taste like sin, cinnamon

    You know

    All we are, my love, is unremarkable

    All we are, my love, is unremarkable

    All we are, my love, is unremarkable

    All we are, my love, is unremarkable

    I can hear you through the stall, don't you go and take it all

    I can hear you through the stall, don't you go and take it all


    Sexual Healing – Remix (Marvin Gay) – Brandon the Addiction

    Oh, baby now let's get down tonight

    Ooh baby, I'm hot just like an oven

    I need some lovin'

    And baby, I can't hold it much longer

    It's getting stronger and stronger

    And when I get that feeling

    I want sexual healing

    Sexual healing, oh baby

    Makes me feel so fine

    Helps to relieve my mind

    Sexual healing baby, is good for me

    Sexual healing is something that's good for me

    Whenever blue teardrops are fallin'

    And my emotional stability is leaving me

    There is something I can do

    I can get on the telephone and call you up baby

    And honey I know you'll be there to relieve me

    The love you give to me will free me

    If you don't know the thing you're dealing

    Ohh I can tell you, darling, that it's sexual healing

    Get up, get up, get up, get up

    Let's make love tonight

    Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up

    'Cause you do it right

    Baby, I got sick this mornin'

    A sea was stormin' inside of me

    Baby, I think I'm capsizin'

    The waves are risin' and risin'

    And when I get that feeling

    I want sexual healing

    Sexual healing is good for me

    Makes me feel so fine, it's such a rush

    Helps to relieve the mind, and it's good for us

    Sexual healing, baby, it's good for me

    Sexual healing is something that's good for me

    Well, it's good for me and it's so good to me my baby, ohh

    Come take control, just grab a hold

    Of my body and mind, soon we'll be making it, honey

    I'll be feeling fine

    You're my medicine, open up and let me in

    Darling, you're so great, I can't wait for you to operate

    I can't wait for you to operate, baby

    When I get this feeling

    I need sexual healing

    When I get this feeling

    I need sexual healing

    I gotta have sexual healing, darling

    'Cause I'm all alone

    And I need sexual healing, darling

    Till you come back home

    Please don't procrastinate

    It's not good to masturbate

    Ooh baby, I'm hot just like an oven I need some lovin'

    And baby, I can't hold it much longer

    It's getting stronger


    Careless Whisper (George Michael) - Mistakes and Consequences

    I feel so unsure

    As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor

    As the music dies, something in your eyes

    Calls to mind the silver screen

    And all its sad good-byes

    I'm never gonna dance again

    Guilty feet have got no rhythm

    Though it's easy to pretend

    I know you're not a fool

    Should've known better than to cheat a friend

    And waste the chance that I've been given

    So I'm never gonna dance again

    The way I danced with you

    Time can never mend

    The careless whispers of a good friend

    To the heart and mind

    Ignorance is kind

    There's no comfort in the truth

    Pain is all you'll find

    I'm never gonna dance again

    Guilty feet have got no rhythm

    Though it's easy to pretend

    I know you're not a fool

    I should've known better than to cheat a friend

    And waste the chance that I've been given

    So I'm never gonna dance again

    The way I danced with you

    Never without your love

    Tonight the music seems so loud

    I wish that we could lose this crowd

    Maybe it's better this way

    We'd hurt each other with the things we'd want to say

    We could have been so good together

    We could have lived this dance forever

    But no one's gonna dance with me

    Please stay

    And I'm never gonna dance again

    Guilty feet have got no rhythm

    Though it's easy to pretend

    I know you're not a fool

    Should've known better than to cheat a friend

    And waste the chance that I've been given

    So I'm never gonna dance again

    The way I danced with you

    (Now that you're gone) Now that you're gone

    (Now that you're gone) What I did's so wrong, so wrong

    That you had to leave me alone


    Mad World (Tears For Fears) - A World Without Brandon

    All around me are familiar faces

    Worn out places, worn out faces

    Bright and early for their daily races

    Going nowhere, going nowhere

    And their tears are filling up their glasses

    No expression, no expression

    Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow

    No tomorrow, no tomorrow

    And I find it kind of funny

    I find it kind of sad

    The dreams in which I'm dying

    Are the best I've ever had

    I find it hard to tell you

    Cause I find it hard to take

    When people run in circles

    It's a very, very

    Mad World (X)

    Children waiting for the day they feel good

    Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday

    Made to feel the way that every child should

    Sit and listen, sit and listen

    Went to school and I was very nervous

    No one knew me, no one knew me

    Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson

    Look right through me, look right through me

    And I find it kind of funny

    I find it kind of sad

    The dreams in which I'm dying

    Are the best I've ever had

    I find it hard to tell you

    Cause I find it hard to take

    When people run in circles

    It's a very, very

    Mad World (X)


    Hurting Each Other (The Carpenters) -Unanswered Prayers

    No one in the world

    Ever had a love as sweet as my love

    For nowhere in the wolrd

    Could there be a boy as true as you love

    All my love

    I give gladly to you

    All your love

    You give gladly to me

    Tell me why then

    Oh why should it be that

    We go on hurting each other

    We go on hurting each other

    Making each other cry

    Hurting each other

    Without ever knowing why

    Closer than the leaves

    On a weepin' willow baby we are

    Closer dear are we

    Than the simple letters "A" and "B" are

    All my life

    I could love only you

    All your life

    You could love only me

    Tell me why than

    Oh why should it be that

    We go on hurting each other

    We go on hurting each other

    Making each other cry

    Hurting each other

    Without ever knowing why

    Can't we stop hurting each other

    Gotta stop hurting each other

    Making each other cry

    Breaking each other's heart

    Tearing each other apart


    I’m Already Gone (A Day To Remember) - Broken and Gone

    As I look round this make shift moving house

    I'm searching for whatever's left of me

    It's on the ground in a box that reads lost and found.

    It's lost and found.

    He said, just let it go.

    He said, it's all you've ever known.

    And I'm, I'm already gone

    I'm already something to someone that I don't know.

    When will I know?

    And I'm, I'm out making rounds

    On every side of town

    That I've been through, that I know.

    To find my reason to come back home.

    I've worked it out you'll always bring me down.

    From here on out I'm doing things for me.

    I'm impatient now. I'm not the type for life alone,

    I need someone.

    He said, just let it go.

    He said, it's all you've ever know.

    And I'm, I'm already gone

    I'm already something to someone that I don't know.

    When will I know?

    And I'm, I'm out making rounds

    On every side of town

    That I've been through, that I know.

    To find my reason to come back home.

    With everything that sets me back,

    I push back harder to clear the way.

    There's not a thing that I regret,

    Can't live my life in yesterday.

    x2

    Life in yesterday.

    And I'm, I'm already gone

    I'm already something to someone that I don't know.

    When will I know?

    And I'm, I'm out making rounds

    On every side of town

    That I've been through, that I know.

    To find my reason to come back home.


    Lonely In Your Nightmare (Duran Duran) – There’s Always Someone Else In Need of Love

    Even on the darkest night when empty promise means empty hand

    And soldiers coming home like shadows turning red

    And when the lights of hope are fading quickly then look to me

    I'll be your homing angel I'll be in your head

    Because you're lonely in your nightmare let me in

    And there's heat beneath your winter let me in

    I see the delta traces living lonely out on the limb

    And a passing glimmer warm beneath your skin

    Please tread gently on the ground when all around you earth turns to fire

    Only get a second chance when danger's on the wind

    Because you're lonely in your nightmare let me in

    Because there's heat beneath your winter let me in

    Must be lucky whether when you find the kind of wind that you need

    Come on show me all the light and shade that made your name

    I know you've got it in your head I've seen that look before

    You've built your refuge turns you captive all the same

    Because your lonely in your nightmare let me in

    And it's barren in your garden let me in

    Because there's heat beneath your winter let me in

    Because you're so lonely in your nightmare let me in

    And it's cold out on the stone range let me in

    Because there's heat beneath your winter let me in


    Be My Icon (Duran Duran) – Jimmy LaPlane’s Obsession

    I'll follow you, I'll wait for you

    You know there's no escape from me

    You're more than wallpaper in my room

    I write you letters and bring you gifts

    I'm going through all your trash

    I love you so much

    I keep your cigarette butts

    Now is the time to come out

    Come out of the shadows

    No need to be scared

    You're gonna be so happy

    I built you a shrine

    Now you can be my icon

    I'm out on the edge

    There's no way back inside

    All my friends are gone

    They didn't understand me

    It makes so much sense

    It's no coincidence

    Just you and I alone here

    And I need you, oh

    How many hours have I stared

    At my face in the mirror

    I get worried sometimes

    That the image will shatter

    No need to be scared

    You're gonna be so happy

    I built you a shrine

    Now you can be my icon

    No need to be scared

    I built you a shrine

    Now you can be my icon

    I know this is real, believe it

    We belong together

    What ever happens

    You're gonna be with me forever

    Be my icon

    You will be my icon

    Be my icon

    You will be my icon

    Be my icon


    Hurts Too Much - Remix (Cinnamon Chasers) - Letters From Jimmy

    Today is real

    But I feel the world is over

    There between us

    The game is over

    And I can't believe the wait is finally over

    Is over

    It hurts too much

    To be apart

    That love

    To go

    I gotta get myself together

    Gotta give it up forever

    Today is real

    And I feel the world is over

    There between us

    It hurts too much

    To be apart

    It hurts too much

    To be apart

    It hurts too much

    To be apart

    It hurts too much

    To be apart


    Leave me Alone (FIDLAR) – This Is Billy Having Enough

    I’m a stupid

    So stupid

    And a hopeless

    Romantic

    I guess I’m damaged

    But I’ll manage

    In my room all by myself

    Being dramatic

    Alright I'm lazy

    And fucking crazy

    And you think I'm putting on some kind of act

    But this is me really being me

    And you know what's sick

    I kinda like it

    That nobody I know really lives like this

    But I love it

    And I’ll say anything you want

    Because I’m leaving in the morning

    And maybe I should try falling in love

    But that just seems so boring

    Too late to die young

    And too young to burn out

    (I'm so burnt out)

    Or I can fade away

    I just say that I’m happy now leave me alone

    Leave me alone!

    I’m stupid, so stupid

    And nothing in the world's gonna change my mind

    So you can suck it!

    And I’m perfect, and I’m so worth it

    I’m pretty, oh so pretty, look at me

    You know you want it!

    And I’ll say anything you want

    Because I’m leaving in the morning

    And maybe I should try to falling in love

    But that just seems so boring

    Too late to die young

    And too young to burn out

    (I'm so burnt out)

    Or I can fade away

    I just say that I’m happy now leave me alone!


    Teenage Blue (Dream Girl) – Dying By Degrees

    Oh, you and I

    Held our hands, told the time

    Oh, you and I

    Is it the way you and I wait?

    My only, my only you

    Oh, you and I

    Is it the way you and I stay?

    Oh, you and I

    In my mind, you were mine, baby

    My only, my only you

    All that I'd ever see all that I'd ever believe is through

    All that I'd ever see all that I'd ever believe is blue

    Oh, you and I

    Held our hands, told the time, baby

    Oh, you and I

    It's all the same now, You were mine

    My only, my only you


    After All This Time (Itchyworms) – Melting Ice?

    Walking away,

    From what I thought would never end

    Looking okay,

    But deep inside I'm lost in time

    It's never over,

    What I feel for you

    All done (Won't die),

    We're all getting older,

    But my hearts keeps asking why

    Refrain:

    Coz' I've thrown away my lucky stars,

    And my wishes don't come true

    I've been looking up to heaven,

    While I'm crying over you

    Chorus:

    Coz' I can't forget the good times,

    We've had when you were mine

    I just wonder if you need me still,

    After all this time

    I just wonder if you need me still,

    After all this time

    You turned away

    I called you back but it's no use

    What can I say?

    Now, I know I got nothing to lose

    Sometimes I still miss you,

    I just wanted you to know

    I can't be without you,

    'Cause my heart never stop,

    I just had to give up

    Refrain:

    So I've thrown away my lucky stars,

    And my wishes don't come true

    I've been looking up to heaven,

    While I'm crying over you

    Chorus:

    Coz' I can't forget the good times,

    We've had when you were mine

    I just wonder if you need me still,

    After all this time

    I just wonder if you need me still,

    After all this time

    Bridge:

    I wanna know if you stopped trying,

    You're part of all that I've been through

    Where all these years of hoping for you,

    Just a waste of time

    'Coz whatever I do,

    It's no good without you.

    Refrain:

    Coz' I've thrown away my lucky stars,

    And my wishes don't come true

    I've been looking up to heaven,

    While I'm crying over you

    Chorus:

    Coz' I can't forget the good times,

    We've had when you were mine

    I just wonder if you need me still,

    After all this time

    Wonder if you need me still,

    After all this time.

    After all this time

    After all this time

    After all this time


    Trust (The Cure) - The Hill, Billy’s Plea

    There's no-one left in the world

    That i can hold onto

    There is really no-one left at all

    There is only you

    And if you leave me now

    You leave all that we were

    Undone

    There is really no-one left

    You are the only one

    And still the hardest part for you

    Is to put your trust in me

    I love you more than i can say

    Why won't you just believe? (x2)


    Tell Me Why (Nine Pound Shadow) – The Hill, Brandon Questioning

    Tired of always waiting

    I'm tired of going home

    The moment is getting late and

    I think we should go

    There's something inside you

    That's taking its toll

    There's something inside you

    I think you know

    So tell me why you left me here alone

    You know I'm sick of all the stories, and now its time to go

    And you think I understand you but I don't

    And you don't know what this is like

    Shadows on the outside

    I'm taking a fall

    And you say you're going to save me but honey you don't know

    I'm way beyond your grasp now

    I'm beyond your control

    And if I left an empty space here well its nothing you can't sow

    So tell me why I just can't let you go

    You know ive been around the world and not seen one like you before

    And after all this hurt I still love you so

    And you don't know what this is like

    There must have been something that you could say

    There must have been something that you could say

    Everyone who tried to love you

    You pushed them all away

    There must have been something that you could say


    To Be Forgiven (George Michael) – Apologies and Acceptance

    I'm going down

    Won't you help me

    Save me from myself

    I hear the sound of the memory

    Maybe time will tell

    Suddenly my life is like a river

    Taking me places I don't want to go

    But like all good men who swim too well

    It takes all that I have just to cry for help

    Then that voice in my head tells me no

    I'm going down

    Won't you help me

    Save me from myself

    I hear the sound of the memory

    Maybe, who can tell

    Let me live my life beside the river

    Take me to places where a child can grow

    And then maybe the boy inside will forsake me

    Maybe the child in me will just let me go

    I'm going down

    The cold, cold water is rushing in

    I'm going down

    And I would beg to be forgiven

    If I knew my sin


    Come To Me (Goo Goo Dolls) – Billy and Brandon Together Again!

    I'll be kind, if you'll be faithful

    You be sweet and I'll be grateful

    Cover me with kisses dear

    Lighten up the atmosphere

    Keep me warm inside our bed

    I got dreams of you all through my head

    Fortune teller said I'd be free

    And that's the day you came to me

    Came to me

    Come to me my sweetest friend

    Can you feel my heart again

    I'll take you back where you belong

    And this will be our favorite song

    Come to me with secrets bare

    I'll love you more so don't be scared

    And when we're old and near the end

    We'll go home and start again

    I caught you burnin' photographs

    Like that could save you from your past

    History is like gravity

    It holds you down away from me

    You and me, we've both got sins

    And I don't care about where you've been

    Don't be sad and don't explain

    This is where we start again

    Start again

    Come to me my sweetest friend

    Can you feel my heart again

    I'll take you back where you belong

    And this will be our favorite song

    Come to me with secrets bare

    I'll love you more so don't be scared

    And when we're old and near the end

    We'll go home and start again

    Start again

    Today's the day I'll make you mine

    So get me to the church on time

    Take my hand in this empty room

    You're my love, and I'm your man

    Come to me my sweetest friend

    This is where we start again,

    Again

    Come to me my sweetest friend

    Can you feel my heart again

    I'll take you back where you belong

    And this will be our favorite song

    Come to me with secrets bare

    I'll love you more so don't be scared

    When we're old and near the end

    We'll go home and start again

    Start again


    Don’t Dream Its Over (Sixpence None The Richer Cover of Crowded House) - Promises Made

    There is freedom within, there is freedom without

    Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup

    There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost

    But you'll never see the end of the road

    While you're traveling with me

    Hey now, hey now

    Don't dream it's over

    Hey now, hey now

    When the world comes in

    They come, they come

    To build a wall between us

    We know they won't win

    Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof

    My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof

    In the paper today tales of war and of waste

    But you turn right over to the T.V. page

    Hey now, hey now

    Don't dream it's over

    Hey now, hey now

    When the world comes in

    They come, they come

    To build a wall between us

    We know they won't win

    Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum

    And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart

    Only shadows ahead barely clearing the roof

    Get to know the feeling of liberation and release

    Hey now, hey now

    Don't dream it's over

    Hey now, hey now

    When the world comes in

    They come, they come

    To build a wall between us

    We know they won't win

    Don't let them win (hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now)

    Hey now, hey now

    Don't let them win (they come, they come)

    Don't let them win (hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now)


    The Reason (Hoobastank) – Billy’s Truth

    I'm not a perfect person

    There's many thing I wish I didn't do

    But I continue learning

    I never meant to do those things to you

    And so I have to say before I go

    That I just want you to know

    I've found a reason for me

    To change who I used to be

    A reason to start over new

    And the reason is you

    I'm sorry that I hurt you

    It's something I must live with everyday

    And all the pain I put you through

    I wish I could take it all away

    And be the one who catches all your tears

    That's why I need you to hear

    I've found a reason for me

    To change who I used to be

    A reason to start over new

    And the reason is you

    And the reason is you

    And the reason is you

    And the reason is you

    I'm not a perfect person

    I never meant to do those things to you

    And so I have to say before I go

    That I just want you to know

    I've found a reason for me

    To change who I used to be

    A reason to start over new

    And the reason is you

    I've found a reason to show

    A side of me you didn't know

    A reason for all that I do

    And the reason is you


    Fifteen (Taylor Swift) – Billy and Teenagering

    You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors

    It's the morning of your very first day

    You say "Hi" to your friends you ain't seen in a while

    Try and stay out of everybody's way

    It's your freshman year and you're gonna be here

    For the next four years in this town

    Hoping one of those senior boys will wink at you and say,

    "You know I haven't seen you around before."

    'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

    You're gonna believe them

    And when you're fifteen

    Feeling like there's nothing to figure out

    Well count to ten, take it in

    This is life before you know who you're gonna be

    Fifteen

    You sit in class next to a redhead named Abigail

    And soon enough you're best friends

    Laughing at the other girls who think they're so cool

    We'll be out of here as soon as we can

    And then you're on your very first date and he's got a car

    And you're feeling like flying

    And you're momma's waiting up and you think he's the one

    And you're dancing 'round your room when the night ends

    When the night ends

    'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

    You're gonna believe them

    When you're fifteen and your first kiss

    Makes your head spin round but

    In your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy of the football team

    But I didn't know it at fifteen

    When all you wanted was to be wanted

    Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

    Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday

    But I realized some bigger dreams of mine

    And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy

    Who changed his mind and we both cried

    'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

    You're gonna believe them

    And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall

    I've found that time can heal most anything

    And you just might find who you're supposed to be

    I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen

    La la la la la la la

    La la la la la la la

    La la la la la la la

    Your very first day

    Take a deep breath, girl

    Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors.


    Teenage Dream (Glee Cover of Katy Perry) – Music Shops and Special Visitors

    You think I'm pretty without any make-up on

    You think I'm funny when I tell the punch line wrong

    I know you get me, so I'll let my walls come down, down

    Before you meet me I was alright

    But things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life

    Now every February you'll be my valentine, valentine

    Let's go all the way tonight

    No regrets, just love

    We can dance until we die

    You and I we'll be young forever

    You make me feel like I'm living a

    Teenage Dream, the way you turn me on

    I can't sleep

    Let's run away and don't ever look back

    Don't ever look back

    My heart stops when you look at me

    Just one touch, now baby, I believe

    This is real

    So take a chance and don't ever look back

    Don't ever look back

    We drove to Cali and got drunk on the beach

    Got a motel and built a floor out of sheets

    I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece, I'm complete

    Let's go all the way tonight

    No regrets, just love

    We can dance until we die

    You and I we'll be young forever

    You make me feel like I'm living a

    Teenage Dream, the way you turn me on

    I can't sleep

    Let's run away and don't ever look back

    Don't ever look back

    My heart stops when you look at me

    Just one touch, now baby, I believe

    This is real

    So take a chance and don't ever look back

    Don't ever look back

    I might get your heart racing

    In my skin-tight jeans

    Be your teenage dream tonight

    Let you put your hands on me

    In my skin-tight jeans

    Be your teenage dream tonight

    You make me feel like I'm living a

    Teenage Dream, the way you turn me on

    I can't sleep

    Let's run away and don't ever look back

    Don't ever look back

    My heart stops when you look at me

    Just one touch, now baby, I believe

    This is real

    So take a chance and don't ever look back

    Don't ever look back

    I might get your heart racing

    In my skin-tight jeans

    Be your teenage dream tonight

    Let you put your hands on me

    In my skin-tight jeans

    Be your teenage dream tonight


    Lovin' U (Cinnamon Chasers) – Loving Someone Is Always The Right Answer

    Lovin' U

    Was The Right Thing To Do

    Leavin' U

    Was The Wrong Thing To Choose

    (X)


    Hazel Eyes (Maria Ayo) – A Look Brighter Than Stars

    As I see your hazel eyes

    I am lost within their skies

    As I'm loved, I come alive

    As I stay with you

    As the waves start breaking me

    As I'm pushed to farther seas

    I am breaking cause I see

    How I'm loved by you

    And I see you

    Youuu

    And I see you

    Youuu

    And I see you

    Youuu

    And I see you

    Youuu

    And I see you

    I can feel it in my blood

    I can hear in the wave

    There's a pure relentless blood

    Running through my veins

    Running through my veins

    Running through my veins

    Running through my veins

    And I see you

    Youuu

    And I see you

    Youuu

    And I see you

    Youuu

    And I see you

    Youuu

    And I see you

    Youuu

    And I see you

    Youuu

    And I see you

    Youuu

    And I see you

    Youuu

    And I see you

    Youuu

    And I see you

    Lalalala...


    Together (Cinnamon Chasers) – Boys Inseparable

    Instrumental


    Sexy Boy – Remix (Air) – Just Looking At Him!

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Où sont tes héros

    Au corps d'athlète?

    Où sont tes idoles

    Mal rasés, bien habillés?

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Dans leurs yeux des dollars

    Dans leurs sourires des diamants

    Moi aussi, un jour

    Je serai beau comme un Dieu

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Apollon 2000

    Zéro défauts, vingt-et-un ans

    C'est l'homme idéal

    Charme au masculin

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy


    Your Sex Is A Dream (Trevor Something) – Sex With Love = Pure Heaven

    I fantasize

    Its your love that I desire

    I close my eyes

    And your body takes me high

    But can this be true

    Is it what it seems

    To be here with you

    This must be a dream

    Your sex is a dream

    And I don't want to wake up

    Your sex is a dream

    And I don't want to wake up

    Your sex is a dream

    Your body's a desert

    And your kiss is a mirage

    Delusional pleasure

    And your love is a facade

    But can this be true

    Is it what it seems

    To be here with you

    This must be a dream

    Your sex is a dream

    And I don't want to wake up

    Your sex is a dream

    And I don't want to wake up

    Your sex is a dream


    The Mess We’re In (P.J. Harvey) – Getting Caught

    Can you hear them

    The helicopters

    I'm in New York

    No need for words now

    We sit in silence

    You look me

    In the eye directly

    You met me

    I think it's wednesday

    The evening

    The mess we're in

    And ooooh...

    The city sunset over me

    The city sunset over me

    Night and day

    I dream of

    Making love

    To you now baby

    Love making

    On screen

    Impossible dream

    And I have seen

    The sunrise over the river

    The freeway

    Reminding of

    This mess we're in

    And ooooh...

    The city sunset over me

    The city sunset over me

    The city sunset over me

    The city sunset over me

    What were you wanting

    What was he wanted

    I just wanna say

    Don't ever change now baby

    I'd thank you

    I don't think we will meet again

    And you must leave now

    Before the sun rises

    Above the skycrapers

    And the city landscape comes into view

    Swell on my skin

    Oh

    This mess we're in

    Ooooh...

    The city sunset over me

    The city sunset over me

    The city sunset over me

    The city sunset over me


    Distance And Time (Alicia Keys) – Cooling Off Period

    This song is dedicated

    to all the lovers who cant be together

    separated by distance and time

    You were always on my mind All I do is count the days

    Where are you now?

    Know I never let you down

    I will never go away

    I really wish that you would stay but what would we do

    All the days that you've been gone I dream about you

    And I anticipate the day that you will come home, home, home

    No matter how far you are

    No matter how long it takes him

    Through distance and time

    I'll be waiting

    And if you have to walk a million miles

    I'll wait a million days to see you smile

    Distance and time, I'll be waiting

    Distance and time, I'll be waiting

    Will you take a train, to meet me where I am

    Are you on your way?

    And I will never do anything to hurt you

    I'll never live without you

    I really wish that you would stay but what would we do

    All the days that you've been gone I dreamed about you

    And I anticipate the day that you will come home, home, home

    No matter how far you are

    No matter how long it takes him

    Distance and time, I'll be waiting

    And if you have to walk a million miles

    I'll wait a million days to see you smile

    Distance and time

    I'll be waiting

    No matter how far you are

    No matter how long it takes him

    Through distance and time, I'll be waiting

    And you can walk a million miles

    I'll wait a million days to see you smile

    Through distance and time, I'll be waiting

    Oh oh oh, oh

    Oh oh oh, hey

    Oh oh oh oh

    I'll be waiting

    Oh oh oh

    Oh oh oh

    Through distance and time

    I'll be waiting

    You are always on my mind

    All I do is count the days

    Where are you now?


    Pretty Boy (Young Galaxy) – The Prettiest Boy In School

    When we were lost

    We found each other

    And headed sightless for the sea.

    We had no way

    Misfit and stray

    Living beyond both muse and pity.

    And I know you feel isolated

    And I feel what you won't say

    I don't care if the disbelievers

    Don't understand, you're my pretty boy, always.

    I felt no pain

    When you changed your name

    We were each other's only family.

    Walking away

    Would change the way

    And I know you feel isolated

    And I feel what you won't say

    I don't care if the disbelievers

    Don't understand, you're my pretty boy, always.

    And I know you feel isolated

    And I feel what you won't say

    I don't care if the disbelievers don't understand

    You're my pretty boy.

    And I know you feel isolated

    And I feel what you won't say

    I don't care if the disbelievers don't understand

    You're my pretty boy, always.

    Always.


    Not Enough Time (INXS) – Even Forever Wouldn’t Be Enough

    And I was lost for words

    In your arms

    Attempting to make sense

    Of my aching heart

    If I could just be

    Everything and everyone to you

    This life would just be so easy

    Not enough time for all

    That I want for you

    Not enough time for every kiss

    And every touch and all the nights

    I wanna be inside you

    We will make time stop

    For the two of us

    Make time stop

    And listen for our sighs

    Not enough time for all

    That I want for you

    Not enough time for every kiss

    And every touch and all the nights

    I wanna be inside you

    In our fight against the end

    Making love we are immortal

    We are the last two left on earth

    And I was lost for words

    In your arms

    Attempting to make sense of

    My aching heart

    If I could just be everything

    And everyone to you

    Not enough time for all

    That I want for you

    Not enough time for every kiss

    Not enough time for all my love

    Not enough time for every touch

    Not enough time for all

    That I want for you

    Not enough time for every kiss

    And every touch and all the nights

    I wanna be inside you


    In Your Eyes (Glee Cover of Peter Gabriel) – Living In Brandon's Eyes

    Love I get so lost sometimes

    Days pass

    And this emptiness fills my heart

    When I want to run away

    I drive off in my car

    But whichever way I go

    I come back to the place you are

    All my instincts

    They return

    The grand façade

    So soon will burn

    Without a noise

    Without my pride

    I reach out from the inside

    In your eyes

    The light, the heat

    I am complete

    I see the doorway

    To a thousand churches

    The resolution

    Of all the fruitless searches

    Oh, I see the light and the heat

    Oh, All I want to be that complete

    All I want is touch the light

    The heat I see in your eyes

    Love

    I don't like to see so much pain

    So much wasted

    And this moment keeps slipping away

    I get so tired

    Working so hard for our survival

    I look to the time with you

    To keep me awake and alive

    And all my instincts

    They return

    And the grand façade

    So soon will burn

    Without a noise

    Without my pride

    I reach out from the inside

    In your eyes, in your eyes

    In your eyes, in your eyes

    In your eyes The light the heat

    In your eyes

    I am complete

    In your eyes

    I see the doorway

    To a thousand churches

    In your eyes

    The resolution

    In your eyes

    Of all the fruitless searches

    Oh, I see the light and the heat

    In your eyes

    Oh, I want to be that complete

    I want to touch the light

    The heat I see in your eyes

    In your eyes, in your eyes

    In your eyes, in your eyes

    In your eyes, in your eyes


    I Can’t Ever Get Enough Of You (Darren Hayes) – Insatiable Love

    Darren Hayes - I Can't Ever Get Enough Of You Lyrics | MetroLyrics

    Well I know that I have only ever held your hand

    But just one touch is more than enough to understand

    There's a master plan

    And although I know I don't believe in destiny

    Maybe it found me

    Now my world is filled with so many things

    But nothing compares to the touch of your skin

    There's a symphony

    And a melody that plays whenever you're around

    I think I've been found

    I can see the sun

    And I can feel the rain

    I can hear the wind call your name

    I can feel your love

    But there's one thing I can't do

    I can't ever get enough of you

    Now I know that in the past I've been much too keen

    But your eyes are the kindest that I've ever seen

    I guess there are some things you just know

    There's a voice inside telling me to hold on

    And never let you go

    There's a tune that plays

    It's a sacred sound It's a symphony

    I hear whenever you're around

    Now my world is filled

    With a whisper of love and a promise of tomorrow

    I can see the sun

    And I can feel the rain

    I can hear the wind call your name

    I can feel your love

    But there's one thing I can't do

    I can't ever get enough of you

    When we make love I lose track of time

    I can't count all the colors I see in your eyes

    And while your heart beats in mine, it's true

    I can't ever get enough of you

    Now my world is filled with so many things

    But nothing compares to the touch of your skin

    There's a symphony

    And a melody that plays whenever you're around

    I think I've been found

    I can see the sun

    And I can feel the rain

    I can hear the wind call your name

    I can feel your love

    But there's one thing I can't do

    I can't ever get enough of you

    I can see the sun

    And I can feel the rain

    I can hear the wind call your name

    I can feel your love

    But there's one thing I can't do

    I can't ever get enough of you

  20. It seems like I'm saying it a lot lately, but I'm sorry for no new updates.  I had hoped to get back into a groove, but so far... nothing.  Sadly, it's not like I don't know what I want to happen, but every time I sit down in front of the computer to put anything down... I'm struggling to find the right words.  Bailey and Declan haunt me nightly to finish their story.  I'm constantly falling asleep to their story (and sometimes Kayden's next one :) ).  I even thought trying out a story for the halloween thing would help, but while I managed a short one for that.  Bailey and Declan still seem to evade being put into writing.  

     

    I do so appreciate all the wonderful comments and encouragement.  And, as I said before, I will finish--I just don't know when.  I'm so sorry.  I just thought everyone should know that I haven't forgotten it.  I'm just... stuck.

  21. Foster

    • 33
      entries
    • 74
      comments
    • 13532
      views

    Recent Entries

    Foster
    Latest Entry

    This me...

    Shy other

    This me...

    Why bother 

    With quadary

    Wickedly good 

    Caringly bad 

    Rough till tough 

    Disarming till charming

    Cold hearted 

    Hot blooded 

    Aloof from truth 

    With an intimate lie

    Late night 

    Nightly

    Early morning

    Mourning

    Touching hello

    Caressing goodbye

    At the worst

    It was best

    To continue the worst

    Magic carpet

    Tar pit

    There's nothing

    To exclaim

    To whimper

    With words

    With thoughts

    With expressions

    With gestures

    A surfeit of surface

    The perfect place

    For gruesome

    Mumblings

    Graffiti

    Badly written

    Sadly sung

    Scribble hum

     

     

    9-19-17

    I know it says nothing, after all nothing says it all.

     

     

     

     

     

  22. On September 25, 2015 2017, I went for my six month Urological check-up and came away with a clean bill of health. My next check-up is in six months again. 

     

    It's been almost four years now since the bladder tumors were found and I'm Cancer free. After the next appointment, I might be able to switch to an annual bladder check. It's not all that exciting having a small flexible scope pushed into the urethra, not to mention the burning pain when I need to pee the next few times.

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