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    February Classic Author Feature: It Stays in Vegas by Jack Scribe

    By Cia

    February is short and often gone before we know it. Jack Scribe is an author that many readers from GA will miss as well. But we still have some of his stories to enjoy, including his Las Vegas Trilogy. If you're in the US, you're probably ready for some sunshine and heat, so enjoy this first story in the series, It Stays in Vegas!      Length: 48,027 Description: NOVEL. Drew is an ambitious, young manager at a Las Vegas casino resort who becomes smitten with an arriving guest. Danger lurks as their friendship grows. Book 1 of the Vegas trilogy.   A Reader said:  I really am enjoying this!!! ~ Gene63   If you want to spread the word about Jack Scribe's story, download the graphic below and add it to your signature! Make sure you come back on Wednesday to see the excerpt I chose to share!
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  1. Dabeagle
    Latest Entry

    Yesterday I made a post on my message board and my site Facebook page because, dear reader, I'm angry with you. The numbers I am about to share, specifically, don't apply to GA—but you have just to look at the number of views for a story versus the number of reviews, as that seems to be the standard for contact on this site.

     

    You know, reader, I'm a reasonably busy guy. I have a full time job, husband and all the bills that go with a home and a life. I have two kids full time with more than the average kids share of issues. I have a third child on weekend visits that sometimes takes me two hours to bring him back and forth who will move in soon, full time. Three dogs, who are social creatures and need their time, as well.

     

    If I, say, get into anything outside that like...a video game, book series or what have you, I have less time for writing. I know this isn't brain surgery, but I want to put that out there.

     

    My site has always been free of charge. Through the boom early years when I posted updates once a week to more than one story line like clockwork to the famine years where I couldn't string words together, it has always been free. The coin I asked, begged, bargained and cajoled you, reader, for was your thoughts.

     

    I have no other metric to know how a story was received, if it was as good on your screen as it felt putting it together or if it was a dumpster fire with a few semicolons. In that respect, reader, as a group you're in default.

     

    I know people are busy, too. Some of you are probably busier than I am. But, as the title says, this is a numbers game so let me share a few with you.

     

    On 9/11 I released the Sanitaria Springs story Love and Loss. Now, given it was the anniversary of a big event, a national tragedy, there could be some give here, right? A little leeway. Those numbers, though, are: Page Hits are 333. Email responses: 3. 1 message board post with response. Out of 333 readers, excepting duplicates for reading more than once or having to close the window and come back to it, out of that raw number 329 people read it and had squat to say. I'm not sure what that works out to as a percent, but it seems fucking lopsided. Was the story bad? Was it bland enough that it was worth reading but not worth the effort to comment? Even as a guest on the MB?

     

    On 9/18 I released the Sanitaria Springs story The Journey. I did so with a little joke because I wonder, sometimes, if folks are tired of Lucien and Robin who are my favorite guys. In the two days since it was released the numbers are: 170 page hits. 1 MB post that only makes sense if you read the story. 2 email responses. 167 people read it and left.

     

    I wish I could fire you, dear reader. I wish there were a way to find readers who would honor, at least sometimes, the idea that says I did my job. I created and placed it publicly for you to enjoy and all I ask in return is that you tell me what you thought. Instead, maybe because it's free so has no value to you, you take. And take. And take and don't give shit back.

     

    I have three SS stories left to post and I accepted the challenge to write in my friend Cynus's Fearless universe. Once that's done, I have no further plans to indulge you, reader.

     

    I know this won't change you. You'll go elsewhere and work that cost me hours and plenty of invested emotions and late nights and trying to find just the right word or phrase to make it resonate will be about as important to you as your last oil change.

     

    The numbers don't lie. You aren't keeping up your end. And as far as my own site is concerned, with monthly hosting fees, site domain renewals for .com, .net and .org I am quite literally paying for the privilege of being ignored.

     

    I've heard the excuses (make no mistake, it's what they are) of 'someone else will do it' or 'I don't know what to say'. Let me give you a hint: someone else isn't doing it. And tell them something you particularly enjoyed, tell about something that upset you, frustrated you or if it was just a nice way to spend an hour or two, then for pity's sake, tell them that.

  2. In my last blog, I wrote about witnessing a young girl commit suicide in front of me by jumping in front of a train. I knew it affected me, but it did more damage than I thought. There are days when I don't dream about it, and those are the good days. I need to go back a few years to explain why my depression came on so slowly that I didn't realize I was depressed.

     

    I had thyroid cancer almost ten years ago, which led to me having a complete thyroidectomy. I have to take a pill for the rest of my life, which acts as a replacement for my missing thyroid, or my body does crazy things. With this said, about a week after witnessing this young woman's death, I missed the occasional dose. Those occasional doses became a week or two here and there to me missing almost eight straight months. The decline in my brain was so gradual that I hadn't realize I lost interest in everything I loved like cooking, working out, and writing (to an extent). My own family didn't pick up on it! Then last summer happened. I didn't bathe or brush my teeth for the longest time. I can count on one hand the times I left the house to do anything recreational. I didn't even go to an amusement park pretending I had no money. It wasn't until I had to return to my seasonal job at a sports venue did I even leave the house on a regular basis.

     

    Over the course of me being off my meds, I experienced excruciating pain in my hands and toes. I stayed in bed all day, gained weight, lost hair, and my teeth weakened, yet, I still didn't put the pieces together. Then one day this past February while at work, I experienced a weird coldness creep through my body and I could barely hold anything. I went to the EMT's on duty and had them check me out. Upon not being able to get an accurate read on my BP, they urged me to go to the hospital.

     

    I agreed. It was at the hospital I learned that my BP was dangerously low and my TSH (thyroid-stimulating hormone) level was the lowest any health professional had ever seen. Upon asking me further questions, I explained about the suicide I'd witnessed, and how it affected me and my head space to take my pills every day.

     

    After talking to someone they helped me see my depression was mainly due to me going off my meds, and not the young woman. I do feel better having been back on my meds steadily now for seven months! I still have my days but they're not as frequent as they had been.

     

    I still wrote during my hazy head time. Looking back on what I wrote, I know for certain my head was wonky because not everything made sense. I've corrected them and hope to get back to writing on a daily basis, and update the chapters I have here on GA.

     

    Sorry if this rambled on and doesn't make sense, I'm still working out the kinks.

     

    Thank you! That is all! :*)

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    M. H. Sebastian's works are already selling all over the world including Canada, UK, France, Australia & Japan as well as such obscure places as the United Arab Emirates and South Africa. With three novels already released, you can view the works and planned future novels at www.mhsebastian.com. The website has a purchase page, pages for each novel's preface, author bio, reviews and a contact link that goes directly to the author. Should any member of "Gay Author's" like a complimentary copy of the first novel "BARSTOWE ~ A life with Aaron" simply make that request via the www.mhsebastian.com website and an electronic PDF copy will be email to you.

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    The Seashell:

    ~~~~~~~~~~

     

    From the Brothertiger album 'Out of Touch' and 'The Pearl' by Brian Eno and Harold Bud.

     

    1. The Pearl (The Cove)

    2. Fall Apart (The Love Song of a Sea God)

    3. Engulfed (Under the Wine Dark Sea)

    4. A Stream With Bright Fish (Neptune and the Wonders of the Deep)

    5. Upon Viridian Waters (The Rapture of Alexis)

    6. Dark Eyed Sister (Aphrodite's Curse)

    7. High Tide (To Lose and to Be Lost)

    8. Beyond The Infinite (Eros' Counsel)

    9. Lost In The Humming Air (Upon The Winds of Zephyrus)

    10. Out Of Touch (Searching The Horizon)

    11. Wake (Swept Out to Sea)

    12. Drift (Guided by the Nereids)

    13. Their Memories (Nerites and Alexis Touch Through Morpheus)

    14. Jungle Floor (The Island of Pan)

    15. Against The Sky (The Divine Discussion)

    16. Grenada (Nerites' Choices)

    17. Let Me See - Clannad (Alexis' Prayer)

    18. Angel of the Sirens - Cinnamon Chasers (The Calling of the Seashell)

    19. Locust Point (Alexis' Eyes Are Opened)

    20. Still Return (The Blessings of Faith)

    20. Song To The Siren - The Celtic Angels (The Sea and the Longing)

     

    Lyrics

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     

    The Pearl (The Cove)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Instrumental

    ***

     

    Fall Apart (The Love Song of a Sea God)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    You, you came into this life

    To see what you could find

    You took me for a friend

    Afraid, I know you feel this way

    But I can’t seem to take

    Your mind away from it

     

    And I know that these things will fall apart

    I’m growing from the very start

    I finally see the place

    Where you and I will make our final mark

    Upon our interrupted hearts

    And finally a flame erupts inside:

     

    'Wait! Don't Go!'

     

    And I feel the wave crashing down

    I hear that solitary sound

    And I feel the wave crashing down

    All around, you were always on my mind...

     

    (The Prince of the Sirens Sings)

     

    Go, see it to it’s end

    Make all your amends and tell me when it's over

    Fade into the silent light

    I feel it all the time

    But you don’t recognize this world

     

    I feel for you my Love

    'I’m afraid of this world'

    Fall away from the night

     

    'Hey! Don't Go!'

     

    And I feel the wave crashing down

    I hear that solitary sound

    And I feel the wave crashing down

    All around, you were always on my mind (X1)

    ***

     

    Engulfed (Under the Wine Dark Sea)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Satin shadow

    These eyes couldn’t capture

    Forgetting myself

    As the days are running faster

    Connecting the edge

    Of a life to another

    Sending the echoes

    Of an essence rediscovered

     

    Calling out again

    To the silence of the deep wood

    Looking at the world through a new light

    Following the fallen leaves

    That drift along the water

    I can hardly recognize

    What I am on the inside

     

    You could stay but I don’t care

    Enough for anything in this life

    These days I’m unaware of what

    Is really deep inside

     

    Faded, fallen

    I’m engulfed in emotion

    Your careless calling

    Is alive with devotion

    The sudden silence

    Deviates from the steady sound

    I’m flooded with defiance

    As the echo races all around

     

    Coming to the edge of the forest

    In the deep wood

    Looking at the world with a new light

    Following the voices

    That are drifting through the water

    I can hardly recognize

    What I am on the inside

     

    You could stay but I don’t care

    Enough for anything in this life

    These days I’m unaware of what

    Is really deep inside

    ***

     

    A Stream With Bright Fish

    (Poseidon and the Wonders of the Deep)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Instrumental

    ***

     

    Upon Viridian Waters (The Rapture of Alexis)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

     

    We’ve gone so far beyond emotion

    In daylight

    Surrounded in my own mind

    Against the cold night

    ***

     

    Dark Eyed Sister (Aphrodite's Curse)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Instrumental

    ***

     

    High Tide (To Lose and To Be Lost)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    You run through the forest

    Away from it all

    You soak in the current

    With your back to the wall

    You swim through the tides

    When the summer calls

    You follow the sounds of

    The waterfall

     

    I follow to the edge

    And I fall to the floor

    I swim in circles

    And I drift evermore

    It seems I can’t remember

    Who I was before

    I’m floating in an ocean

    That I can’t explore

     

    But I can hang on to the surface

    In flowing, oscillated time

    My lungs are filling up with water

    But I won’t sink to the void

     

    I climbed to the top

    Of the fiery wall

    I swallowed my emotions

    And embraced the fall

    Exploring through the silence

    Of the shadows call

    I’m swimming through the current

    And I feel it all

     

    But I can hang on to the surface

    In flowing, oscillated time

    My lungs are filling up with water

    But I won’t sink to the void

    ***

     

    Lost In The Humming Air (Upon The Winds of Zephyrus)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Instrumental

    ***

     

    Beyond The Infinite (Eros' Counsel)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Sinking to the floor

    I found another life

    Waking to the color

    Fading I was rusted

    Unrecognized

    Molded to the others

     

    Making a connection

    To the other side

    Thought I found a lover

    Lost into ascension

    To my blinded eyes

    Calling for another

     

    'Let go of your lying eyes

    Lying eyes

    Let go'

     

    Hanging on to someone

    That I recognized

    Bright beyond the colors

    Withered to the marrow

    I realized

    Nothing like the others

     

    Falling through the floor

    I came upon your eyes

    Thought I found a lover

    Searching evermore

    I demoralized

    Calling for another

     

    'Let go of your lying eyes

    Your Lying Eyes

    Let go' (X)

    ***

     

    Out Of Touch (Searching The Horizon)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Midnight coming

    I’m farther away than I used to be

    Running down these city streets

    Where the future beckons to me

    We’ve got nothing

    Written down in our history

    Moving on two hearts agree

    But you can call on me

     

    On the horizon line

    I see the form reflecting in time

    In the blue-green light

    There’s a movement all around me

     

    I feel there’s something

    Coming on this sudden breeze

    Colors changing on the leaves

    The scene’s got nothing on me

    Drift from the softness

    Drawing out this strange disease

    Moving towards the deeper seas

    The future’s calling to me

     

    On the horizon line

    I see the form reflecting in time

    In the blue-green light

    There’s a movement all around me

    ***

     

    Wake (Swept Out To Sea)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Time and again

    I’m rushing to the end

    I could never really figure you out

    And when it comes to this

    I’d rather reminisce

    ‘Cause reality is wearing me down

     

    Open up your eyes to the sunlight

    Breaking the dawn

    When the night draws out

    And my hopes are gone

    This fire is still burning

    Right into my bones

    I don’t want to stick around this town anymore

     

    The wake you form is surrounding us

    The days are gone and we’re starting over

    The wake you form is surrounding us

    Drowning in the water

    Filling me up

     

    I open up my lungs

    To breath I have begun

    As I go between the night and the dawn

    I calibrate the sun

    And follow everyone

    To find I’m barely hanging on

     

    Open up your eyes to the summer night

    Silent and warm

    As the light endures like it did before

    These tides are still turning

    Right into the shore

    I don’t want to stick around this town anymore

     

    The wake you form is surrounding us

    The days are gone and we’re starting over

    The wake you form is surrounding us

    Drowning in the water

    Filling me up

    ***

     

    Drift (Guided by the Nereids)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Hallowed ghost

    So suddenly I find

    Wandering the night

    Growing shadows on the floor

    Falling through I have to look inside

    Reflected on my eyes

    There I see myself before

     

    Child in the dark

    Grows fond of all illumination

    Emanating from the city light

    Leading ever on

    Towards the outskirts of this city

    Where our pasts would reunite

    Our pasts would reunite

     

    I’m calling out

    But I’m too far gone to see you

    When the night falls

    I drift into the chasm below

    I know now

    That I am still no different

    From anything around me

    I still implore

     

    Following

    The footprints left behind

    Trailing through the times

    Where we’ve gone through once before

    She can open up my eyes

    To deeper seas

    Of distant memories

    That I’m dying to explore

     

    Child in the night

    Moves forward to a new direction

    Moving towards a new and distant light

    Leading ever on

    Towards the outskirts of this city

    Where our pasts would reunite

    Our pasts would reunite

    ***

     

    Their Memories (Nerites and Alexis Touch Through Morpheus)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Instrumental

    ***

     

    Jungle Floor (The Island of Pan)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    (as written in The Second Jungle Book...)

     

    One moment past our bodies cast

    No shadow on the plain;

    Now clear and black they stride our track,

    And we run home again.

    In morning-hush, each rock and bush

    Stands hard, and high, and raw:

    Then give the Call: "Good rest to all

    That keep the Jungle Law!"

     

    The dew is dried that drenched our hide,

    Or washed about our way;

    And where we drank, the puddled bank

    Is crisping into clay.

    The traitor Dark gives up each mark

    Of stretched or hooded claw:

    Then hear the Call: "Good rest to all

    That keep the Jungle Law!"

    ***

     

    Against The Sky (The Divine Discussion)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Instrumental

    ***

     

    Grenada (Nerites' Choices)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Open up the doors into my mind

    Fill me up with colors

    So strong and refined

    Go into the place that we call

    A paradise

    Where everything around you and I

    Is alive

     

    Falling through the memories to explore

    I could not imagine what I was looking for

    You, you’re just a presence of something

    Before

    Never mind the sadness you’re bound to

    Adore

     

    All again there is nothing wrong

    I’m floating in the ocean for days

    Hoping to find myself again

    So I dive beneath the waves

     

    Show me down the path you know is right

    Now I’m just a traveler

    Who’s lost in the night

    I can’t tell the darkness

    Apart from the light

    Reaching for some substance

    With all of my might

     

    Running through the memories I explore

    Struggling to imagine what I was looking for

    Counting all the places where I stood

    Before

    Til I came upon you as I walked through

    The door

     

    All again there is nothing wrong

    I’m floating in the ocean for days

    Hoping to find myself again

    So I dive beneath the waves

     

    Save me, oh my will

    Save me, ever still

    Won’t you save me? Oh my will

    ***

     

    Let Me See - Clannad (Alexis' Prayer)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Let me see generation times

    Will we hear children singing rhymes?

    Sweet memories gone by, they're gone by

    Let me be wiser with my eyes

    Let me see my love by my side

    Let me see heaven

     

    Lonely years of searching the wilderness

    How this world can lead us all astray

    Don't let me cry over colourless pictures

    No more bitter winds

    No more troubled seas

    Just forgive me and let me see

     

    Let me see my love, let me see

    Let me see my love, let me see

     

    Let me see generation times

    Will we hear children singing rhymes?

    Sweet memories gone by, they're gone by

    Let me be wiser with my eyes

    Let me see my love by my side

    Let me see heaven

     

    Crossing the room, I recognize the child in me

    I'll close my eyes to release away all my fears

    We silence the rose to see it blossom back again

    Step by step we walk on

    Word by word we talk on

    Just forgive me and let me see

     

    Let me see generation times

    Will we hear children singing rhymes?

    Sweet memories gone by, they're gone by

    Let me be wiser with my eyes

    Let me see my love by my side

    Let me see heaven

    ***

     

    Angel of the Siren - The Cinnamon Chasers (The Calling of the Seashell)

    ___________________________________

    Our dreams are old
    Our friends are gone
    And our story's been told
    Just, carry on

    A break in the clouds will guide us home
    You look like an angel of the sirens
    I, can't believe the wait has been so long

    I feel like I've been burning bridges to stay with you
    Friends and lovers have come and gone
    We have just stood here alone

    Although I'm pleased to be beside you
    I'm, lonelier than I have ever known
    And you look like an angel of the sirens
    I can't believe the wait has been so long

     

    (The endless calling of the Seashell)

    ***

     

    Locust Point – Brothertiger (Alexis’ Eyes are Opened)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Inside of my own mind

    I feel Him again

    I opened up my young eyes

    To the water's edge

    I climbed up to the branches

    To watch the flow

    I saw Him, I saw Him far below!

     

    So I reached out to the edge there

    I felt the flow

    I extended my own hand

    To gather more

    Then I felt the tremor,

    I felt it on the inside!

    I fell into the rubble

    Fell into the daylight

     

    But He took me back to the top

    And I found myself again!

    He took me back to the top

    And I found myself whole!

     

    I walked through the sun

    Toward a voice so far away

    In a silent wind

    It drifts upon the waves

    I reached out to the daylight

    That fell upon my face

    As I opened up my eyes

    To a familiar place!

     

    And He took me back to the top

    And I found myself again!

    He took me back to the top

    And I found myself whole!

     

    But he took me back to the top

    And I found myself again!

    He took me back to the top

    And I found myself whole! (X)

    ***

     

    Still Return (The First Blessing In Faith)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    (Mysterious and Inspiring Interlude)

     

    The Song To The Siren - Celtic Angels (The Sea and the Longing)

    ___________________________________

    Long afloat on shipless oceans
    I did all my best to smile
    'Til your singing eyes and fingers
    Drew me loving to your isle


    And you sang
    Sail to me
    Sail to me
    Let me enfold you
    Here I am
    Here I am
    Waiting to hold you

     

    Did I dream you dreamed about me?
    Were you hare when I was fox?
    Now my foolish boat is leaning
    Broken lovelorn on your rocks,


    For you sing, "Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow:
    O my heart, O my heart shies from the sorrow"

     

    I am puzzled as the newborn child
    I am troubled at the tide:
    Should I stand amid the breakers?
    Should I lie with death my bride?


    Hear me sing, "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you:
    Here I am, here I am, waiting to hold you"

     

    ***

  3. I am the type of person who likes documenting my life sometimes, so here is a blog post. :P

     

    I realized that it has been over a year since I posted a story. But this year, two things happened that I am hopeful will get some new work up.

     

    Firstly, I realized that Adderall was completely fucking up my life. I did really well at work (I had the highest productivity back in 2014 and was second highest last year) but outside of work, I was completely miserable. I couldn't sleep well, I could barely eat and any time I wasn't taking Adderall, I was sleeping because I was completely exhausted. Taking my medication was decided by how badly I wanted to be able to eat that day. So I stopped taking it.

     

    Shortly after that, in March, I got sick. My cardiologist and NP didn't do crap for me, but it was after that when my therapist recommended a psychiatrist. So I went.

     

    My psychiatrist is amazing. He changed my life. (He is super hot too, btw). He gave me 2 medicines and I am now sleeping great and am gaining weight like whoa. People tell me how healthy I look. I can focus at work, my productivity is still highest in my clinic, and my boss told me I was awesome in a recent email. (My boss is a bit of a jerk and hardly ever compliments me).

     

    When I stopped taking Adderall, story ideas and the urge to write came trickling back. Now it's like a tidal wave. That is where the new stuff comes in. I have a 12,000 word companion piece to NTS that will be going up soon, as well as a minor revisions and epilogue for Book 3. I am also trying like hell to get a piece completed for the fall anthology. I can't make any promises as to when they will happen, (summers are crazy where I work) but they will happen. And hopefully more will follow. I'm carefully looking at pieces that I have started but not completed and some look promising. It's little steps, baby steps, but I am trying.

     

    I love all you guys. :)

  4. It's Memorial Day weekend. We had a big family reunion/BBQ planned for this weekend, but, a lot of the family can't make it because of the flooding. My youngest brother and my Aunt both live between Austin and Houston and that entire area is in VERY bad shape. Plus, in the last few days they have had some terrible tornadoes there as well. So, the entire weekend kind of got cancelled. It's a real bummer because I was really looking forward to seeing the extended family.

     

    It's given me some more free time to work on my story. It's coming along pretty good. I think it's a pretty good story, but, I am biased of course. I am trying to make it a very character driven story with an interesting and unique premise. I am a bit worried about the amount of sex in the story. There isn't much and it doesn't go into great detail. I want to publish it on GA and Nifty, but, I am wondering whether or not it will appeal to these audiences since it has so little sex. But, at the same time, because it has ANY gay sex in it, the story really doesn't appeal to the mass market. I am afraid I am writing a story that no one will want to read. It's a little discouraging, but, I am trying not to think about it too much. My goal is just to finish the story. That will be a major accomplishment for me. I will be very disappointed if only 2 or 3 people read it, but, oh well, it's not like I am trying to make money I am just trying to tell a story.

     

    I am spending quite a bit of time on the GA chat in the evenings. It's pretty interesting. I have also discovered the PROMPTS. I am committed to writing a quick blurb on the next FIRST LINE PROMPT. Pretty scared, but, excited about it.

     

    That's enough verbal vomit for now.

     

    Take care,
    Cody

  5. Whenever I dream of a new monster, I feel compelled to write about it here. Which, odd, but I'll own it.

     

    Now I don't recall all the details of how this worked, but the dream started as a mystery that I was apparently trying to solve. Bodies were piling up in the town I lived in. And, weirdly, even though the bodies did not look much alike, they seemed to share the same DNA. Or, at least, partly shared DNA. Sort of a chimera. At least, half of them did. The other half were simply murder victims, obviously murdered by the chimera, but the chimeras had no real cause of death, They just...stopped.

     

    Helping me in my inquiries was a young, blonde woman from some Nordic country (I'm not certain which). Let's call her Annika. She aided me not because she was qualified, but because she'd been at the scene of one too many of the crimes for it to be a total coincidence, but she was certainly not the culprit, proved by physical, metaphysical, and even video evidence. She claimed that her twin brother, long dead, was manifesting around her and attacking random strangers. Indeed, the chimera DNA was very close to her own, close enough to have been a match for her brother, although why the bodies didn't share his face and where they came from in the first place was still a mystery.

     

    Sadly, much of this middle parts of this story are lost to my memory, but for some reason we wound up trapped in a locked house scenario. And, as in all such scenarios, people began dropping like flies. Naturally, Annika was nearby with all of them, but I too saw one or two of them. And what I saw astounded me. Out of thin air, her brother would spring into being, and suddenly attack another person. Usually with a knife. And because they were caught totally by surprise and off guard, his first stroke was fatal. Then, after, he would stiffen, the face would change utterly, and his body would collapse. Dead. Annika, meanwhile, was not helpful, curling into a ball and getting as far out of the line of fire as she could get.

     

    This would obviously not do.

     

    I was a minor spell caster in this dream, and conducted a seance to contact her brother. Nothing. Then I did another spell, one that would allow me to see into the spirit world (probably taking some pills in the process, which made real me nearly wake up in horror). Annika assisted in the first, but not the second. So she was not aware I could see what was happening the next time her "brother" appeared. Didn't know I could see her spell take shape, form a body out of random ether, and see her consciousness channel through that construct. It wasn't her brother's spirit killing people. It was her, forcing his body to form again and again while she controlled it to kill. I dismissed the construct next time it started to form, knocking her back into her own body and throwing her off for a moment, which I used to place a magical lock on her abiltiies. She smiled. "My brother tried that too, you know." She told me. "Just before I killed him. Turns out, if you kill your own twin, their echo stays with you. And you can force the doppelganger into existence."

     

    Someone else had showed her how to do it, because he too had killed his own twin, and had found in her an apt pupil. Right up until he became the first victim of the current murder spree.

     

    She then fought the binding, and used the innate connection she had to her twin to put her magical abilities into another spirit, evading my lock. I managed to shut down the doppelgangers as fast as she formed them, but let it distract me too much. Because she had a knife too, all this time. And managed to confuse me so much with the magical attacks I forgot to watch the physical.

  6. Cole Matthews
    Latest Entry

    Someone asked what my Monster Cookie recipe is. Here it is! As you can see, it's gluten free so I can make them for my mom!

     

    3 eggs
    1 1/4 cups light brown sugar
    1 cup white sugar
    1/2 tsp salt
    1 tsp vanilla
    1 1/2 cups peanut butter (cheap brand works best. The expensive type that separates won't work right.)
    1 stick butter
    1 cup M&M's or chocolate chips
    1/2 cup chopped peanuts
    1/2 cup Craisins, or raisins
    2 tsp baking soda
    5 cups quick-cooking oatmeal

     

    Cream sugars and softened butter. Add eggs and vanilla and continue creaming. Then add peanut butter and blend. In a separate bowl, add salt, oatmeal, soda, and other ingredients. Mix the wet and dry ingredients together mixing well. Then let the mixture sit for an hour. This step is necessary to let the oatmeal soften. Place a portion the size of a walnut on the baking sheet and press down. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for around eight to ten minutes. Pull before the centers brown completely. Let rest before removing and putting on wax paper on a cookie rack.

     

    Enjoy!

  7. Hello Everyone,

     

    First I want to apologize for my long absence. As I have said in man posts and conversations these last few years I have, in addition to working full time, have been taking care of an elderly, sick, relative. This relative passed away in February. Since then I have been assisting my mother and aunt in getting her final affairs settled.

     

    Despite the sadness of m relatives passing my life has reached a period of calm and I am happy to say that I have started writing again, slowly but surely.

     

    I plan to focus on Indiana Summer until the story is complete, then Max and Josh, and while I do not yet have a firm date as to when I will have a new chapter out to you it is my goal to have one within the next month.

     

    I want to encourage you all to please go and mark the Indiana Summer Discussion thread for updates as I will be making posts there concerning the story and my progress in writing.

     

    best wishes,
    Owl

  8. NOT MEANT TO BE

     

    You wanted to talk about the night sky
    And the moonlight on the lake
    While he was swatting at a mosquito on his leg
    And wondering when you’d shift
    Your head heavy with poetry
    That was causing pins and needles in his arm

  9. So, you've decided that you want to write something in a world that doesn't yet exist. In front of you sits a pad of paper and a stack of post-its an inch thick.

     

    Where do you begin?

     


    There are two broad schools of world building.

     

    The top-down approach.
    The bottom-up approach.

     

    Both techniques have their advantages and disadvantages.

     

    Bottom-up: This is used when you have an idea for a place, character, or thing and you want to find a way to incorporate it into a wider world. This lets you focus on the immediate vicinity in much higher detail, you can develop the cast of characters, the street names, the local histories, the things your story will interact with immediately while hand-waving a lot of the why or how. If you don't see the story leaving the city it's in what's the point in knowing the currency of a country way over on the other side of the world, unless of course it becomes important to the plot, then you just write it in.

     

    Advantages: A quicker start-up, immediate results, a focused setting.
    Disadvantages: Easy to introduce inconsistencies, over-focus.

     


    Top-down: This is used when you have a general idea for a setting and you want to flesh it out. It allows you to build a strong foundation for your story where the many pieces fit together seamlessly. It allows you to stray from your storys local comfort zone without worrying about what they'll find out there. You'll know the climate, the geography, and history of the setting as a whole before narrowing your focus to a regional or local level.

     

    Advantages: Better integration, internal consistency.
    Disadvantages: Slow start-up, lack of focus.

     


    Which of these is the best? It depends entirely upon the individual, and the ultimate goal of the worldbuilding exercise.

     

    There is of course a third option.

     

    The Combined Approach: This uses elements of both top-down and bottom-up. It allows little pockets of focused setting within a broader consistent world. It's also probably the hardest method to pull off successfully as it can quickly become overwhelming.

     


    Personally I tend to use a predominantly top-down approach, but I discovered worldbuilding through pen-and-paper games, I like to build settings in which to set various stories, rather than having a story I want to tell and needing somewhere for it to happen.

     

    I've got notebooks and sketchbooks filled with hastily scribbled notes, intricate maps, lists of seemingly random words. And somewhere within all that detritus is a world or two that would actually function as reasonable setting, I just need to get it onto paper in an intelligible way.

  10. I'm back, getting my creative juices flowing and trying to earn discreetly online.

     

    A lot has been happening at home and it's been driving me up the wall. It hasn't been the most pleasant experience and it makes me sad that I've been on and off with all my projects mainly because I'm in hiding with my family.

     

    But, I refuse to just stop and give up. I keep holding onto these little bits of myself that I feel matter. In the society I'm in, creativity is a waste of time most of the time. It's rather half-assed. I'd like to believe in the potential of a creative and adaptive mind.

     

    I'm definitely brooding something personal. Fights and arguments with my folks just fuel this fire to just be better than all of them, and hopefully step on them when the time comes. I've lost most sympathies for them, which I didn't plan and yet can't help but feel.

     


    So I came back with a few story updates. I'd been revising the flow and pacing for some of them, so I hope they're to your liking. I posted updates to my long-running series A Frigid Grasp and His Happiness. So have a read and enjoy! I'm aiming for weekly updates so please follow the stories if you enjoy them.

  11. In June, it will have been a year since the release of my first novel, Guitars and Cages, through Wayward Ink, something that I never would have ever imagined, but that I am immensely proud of. it meant the fulfilling of a dream, it meant that no matter what, i would be able to say that i was a published novelist and no one could ever take that away.

     

    Since then, Broken Prince Mismatched Eyes and Desolation Angel have been released and I am in the middle of edits for Roadhouse Reds, these four novels were born here on GA and its only fitting that they be my introductions to the publishing world. I know i've been fortunate, all of my experiences so far have been wonderful. This year i finally decided to start submitting to anthologies, first with Wayward Ink, but i also have one coming out that will be through MLRPress. That story was a particularly hard one to write as it deals with suicide and I found myself remembering a friendship from my young adulthood and a young man who choose to end his life shortly before he might have graduated. He was funny, kind, tough as nails, an amazing dancer, a wonderful listener, a deep thinker and a loyal friend, which always left me wondering how he could feel that was the answer.

     

    I don't know, but i know that when i write i carry a lot of the people i've known into my stories. Sometimes I hold back, I've been striving not to do that anymore. i feel like writing has allowed me to tap into the courage i had when i was younger, but started to hide as an adult, as if i was trying to be someone other than me just to fit someone else's mold. Breaking out of that is hard, but in the process, I've discovered that it feels good to be true to myself.

     

    it feels good not to have to hide what I write either. I love my pen name, but once my mother discovered it and read Guitars and Cages that was pretty much it. even if i don't tell people what i write, she does, and I'm starting to be okay with that. I'm wrapping up a new book, in the middle of two anthology submissions, it also means the next two weeks are going to be insanely busy since i'm heading on a roadtrip on may 11 that's set to last a month and I'm excited.

     

    just got back from BDSM Con too and wow did i learn a ton. Being sick though has slowed me down this week, but i;ve made progress on my photographs at the pioneer cemetaries too, something I'm handling for my local paper. Got a traveling computer so i could keep up on the road, and my daughter whose my youngest child is finally at an age where she's excited to see what i'll bring her, rather than crying and begging me not to go away. In truth that's whats kept me pinned closer to home these last few years.

     

    I wrote out a draft for a new novel on the bus ride to everett last month, won't have time to work on it for awhile, but it will likely be my next freebie friday story once this one is done. I've got more ideas than time at the moment ,which sometimes sucks. Or maybe i just need to focus better. its likely a mix between the two.

     

    Anyway, I'm going to get back to writing now. Hope everyone has a wonderful weakened.

  12. blog-0384217001460625490.jpg

    It's been a long time since I've blogged here. In the meantime, a lot has happened.

     

    I have been somewhat successful in getting published, with 11 books and 7 anthologies I've managed to get myself 'out there' although I'm not selling many books yet.

     

    The publishing journey has been a very interesting one and I've learned a lot, good and bad. One thing I would absolutely advise anyone seeking a publisher is to make sure your contract includes a clause that your rights revert back to you immediately if the publisher ceases to trade. Also make sure it has a clause that you have ultimate control over the editing and cover. I learned the last one the hard way.

     

    The main thing that's become extremely clear is that to be successful in the world of the published author is that you have to have a huge presence on social media. As a complete technophobe and introvert (yes I am, in real life) it was really hard for me, but I now have two blogs, a website, and profiles on lots of social media.

     

    Take a look at my blogs http://nephylim-author.blogspot.co.uk/ http://cherylheadford.blogspot.co.uk/ and my website http://cherylheadford.com/

     

    Being a writer sure takes up a lot of time which means I don't have time to write anything like as much as I did before, which is my biggest regret. It also means I don't get to write as much free fiction as I'd like, although you'll find new, free stuff on my blogs and website.

     

    I've finally started posting here again, but haven't plucked up courage to dip my toe in the chat room yet.

     

    Please comment or contact me if you have any questions or if you just want to chat.

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    Recent Entries

    lofie
    Latest Entry

    I'm so fucking impatient
    i can't stand it

     

    today was iight
    i found out that m did acid in the 70's
    like a lot of acid
    So that was interesting
    it made me like her more
    we're like two degenerates masquerading as proper people

     

    im so excited
    I'm waiting for chapter 2 of she loves me to go up
    And I'm almost done fixing chapter 9
    i still have to rewrite the ending
    and when that's done
    I'll have completed a story
    a whole story
    all by myself
    so excited

  13. blog-0404829001459389218.jpeg

     

    Various Artists

     

    1. Angel In The Snow - A-ha (Brian's Love Song; Main Theme)
    2. Snowflake - Kate Bush (Snowflake's Theme)
    3. Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap (Jimmy's Theme)
    4. Euphoria - TV Mania (Sabrina's Troubles)
    5. Instant Crush - Various Covers of Daft Punk  (The Struggle of Love At First Sight) 
    6. Bizarre Love Triangle - New Order (Love is Complicated)
    7. Love Comes Quickly - Pet Shop Boys (Jimmy's Mulberries)
    8. Love's Easy Tears - Cocteau Twins (Losing Snowflake)
    9. The Main Man - Jason Nevins (Snowflake Takes San Francisco)
    10. My Beautiful Friend - The Charlatans UK (A Circus of First Times) 
    11. The Sodom And Gomorrah Show (San Diego and Las Vegas)
    12. Fever - Superpitcher (Love In The Loft)
    13. Somebody Else - The 1975 (Love On The Rocks)
    14. Hunting High And Low - Silje Nergaard Cover of A-Ha (Hunting High and Low)
    15. Melting Ice - Ladytron (Brian and Snowflake Reconnect Through Training and the First Big Race)
    16. Winter Is The Warmest Season (When it's cold outside, it's the warmest season)
    17. The Sun Always Shines On TV (Extended) (The Olympics!....But Something Isn't Right)
    18. In Your Face - The Children of Bodem (Fighting for the One You Love)
    19. Colder - Charon (Russian Games)
    20. One Minute More (Elektromekanik Mix) - Capital Cities (Getting Away From It All)
    21. More Than This -1000 Maniacs cover of Roxy Music (Romance In Helsinki)
    22. The Northern Lights - Duran Duran (Club DTM and Flying North)
    23. Sacra - Apocolyptica (The Lapland)
    24. Ascent (An Ending) II - Icebreaker (The Forever White Under the Phosphorescent Sky)
    25. Missing - Arcadia ('Now I Am Falling')
    26. Lightning Crashes (Acoustic) - Live ("Be Ready To Catch Me")
    27. A Thousand Years - Christina Peri (True Love Never Dies: Snowflake's Love Song)
    28. Angel In The Snow (Instrumental) - A-Ha   (Snowflakes)
     
    Lyrics
    ~~~~~~~~~~~
     
    Angel In The Snow - A-ha 
        (Brian's Love Song; Main Theme)
     
    Angel, angel of snow
    Wherever you may go
    Hmm, yeah...
    I'll follow
    Wherever you may go:
     
    And always will I be there
    Shake worries from your hair
    Hmm, yeah...
    I'll be there
    Always: 
     
    Oh, Angel, angel of snow
    Wherever you may go
    Hmm, yeah...
    I'll follow
    Wherever you may go:
     
    You're my angel in the snow
    You're my angel in the snow
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Snowflake - Bertie McIntosh & Kate Bush (Snowflake's Theme)
     
    I was born in a cloud...
     
    Now I am falling.
    I want you to catch me.
    Look up and you'll see me.
    You know you can hear me.
     
    The world is so loud. Keep falling. I'll find you.
     
    We're over a forest.
    There's millions of snowflakes.
    We're dancing.
     
    The world is so loud. Keep falling and I'll find you.
     
    I am ice and dust. I am sky.
    I can see horses wading through snowdrifts.
    My broken hearts, my fabulous dances.
    My fleeting song, fleeting.
     
    The world is so loud. Keep falling. I'll find you.
     
    My broken hearts, my fabulous dance.
    My fleeting song.
    My twist and shout.
    I am ice and dust and light. I am sky and here.
    I can hear people.
    I think you are near me now.
     
    The world is so loud. Keep falling. I'll find you.
     
    We're over a forest.
    It's midnight at Christmas.
     
    The world is so loud. Keep falling. I'll find you.
     
    I think I can see you.
    There's your long, white neck.
     
    The world is so loud. Keep falling. I'll find you.
     
    Now I am falling.
    Look up and you'll see me.
     
    The world is so loud. Keep falling. I'll find you.
     
    In a moment or two.
    I'll be with you.
     
    The world is so loud. Keep falling. I'll find you.
     
    Be ready to catch me.
     
    The world is so loud. Keep falling. I'll find you.
     
    ~catch~
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap (Jimmy's Theme)
     
    Sweet disposition
    Never too soon
    Oh, reckless abandon
    Like no one's watching you
     
    A moment of love
    A dream
    A laugh
    A kiss
    A cry
    Our rights
    Our wrongs
    A moment of love
    A dream
    A laugh
    A moment of love
    A dream
    A laugh
     
    So stay there
    'Cause I'll be coming over
    While our blood's still young
    It's so young, it runs
    Won't stop 'til it's over
    Won't stop to surrender
     
    Songs of desperation
    I played them for you
     
    A moment of love
    A dream
    A laugh
    A kiss
    A cry
    Our rights
    Our wrongs
    A moment of love
    A dream
    A laugh
    A moment of love
    A dream
    A laugh
     
    Stay there
    'Cause I'll be coming over
    While our blood's still young
    It's so young, it runs
    Won't stop 'til it's over
    Won't stop to surrender
     
    Won't stop 'til it's over
    Won't stop 'til it's over
    Won't stop 'til it's over
    Won't stop to surrender
     
    [repeating over the next verse 'til the end:]
    A moment of love
    A dream
    A laugh
    A kiss
    A cry
    Our rights
    Our wrongs
    A moment of love
    A dream
    A laugh
    A moment of love
    A dream
    A laugh
     
    Won't stop 'til it's over
    Won't stop 'til it's over
    Won't stop 'til it's over
     
    Won't stop to surrender
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Euphoria - TV Mania (Sabrina's Troubles)
     
    They are able to simulate the exact brain patterns
    The grey world of reality
     
    Euphoria
     
    Random joy
    Expensive toy
    You captivate my mind
    I never answer telephones
    Don't like to leave my screen alone
     
    Try to stand but fall again
    No help from my new friend
    Tangled strands of DNA
    Explain the way that I behave
     
    Euphoria
     
    Floating through this fatal bliss
    I have no time to think
    Don't want to wake up in the world
    out of focus fading away
     
    Dilated pupil REM
    I freeze a single frame
    From the life I used to lead
    Before altered reality
     
    Euphoria...
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Instant Crush - Daft Punk 
        (The Struggle of Love At First Sight) 
     
    [Verse 1]
    I didn't want to be the one to forget
    I thought of everything I'd never regret
    A little time with you is all that I get
    That’s all we need because it's all we can take
     
    One thing I never seem the same when your around
    I don’t believe in him—his lips on the ground
    'I will not to take you to that place in a rush
    But no one gives us any time anymore'
     
    He ask me once if I'd look in on his dog
    You made an offer for it, then you ran off
    I got this picture of us kids in my head
    And all I hear is the last thing that you said
     
    [Pre Chorus]
    "I listened to your problems
    Now listen to mine"
    I didn't want to anymore, oh oh oh
     
    [Chorus]
    And we will never be alone again
    'Cause it doesn't happen every day
    Kinda counted on you being a friend
    Can I give it up or give it away
    Now I thought about what I wanna say
    But I never really know where to go
    So I chained myself to a friend
    'Cause I know it unlocks like a door
     
    And we will never be alone again
    'Cause it doesn't happen every day
    Kinda counted on you being a friend
    Can I give it up or give it away
    Now I thought about what I wanna say
    But I never really know where to go
    So I chained myself to a friend
     
    Sing more again
     
    [Verse 2]
    It didn't matter what they wanted to see
    He thought he saw someone that looked just like me
    The summer memory that just never dies
    We worked too long and hard to give it no time
    He sees right through me, it's so easy with lies
    Cracks in the road that I would try and disguise
    He runs his scissor at the seem in the wall
    He cannot break it down or else he would fall
     
    One thousand lonely stars hiding in the cold
    Take it, I don't wanna sing anymore
     
    [Pre Chorus]
    "I listened to your problems
    Now listen to mine"
    I didn't want to anymore, oh oh oh
     
    [Chorus]
    And we will never be alone again
    'Cause it doesn't happen every day
    Kinda counted on you being a friend
    Can I give it up or give it away
    Now I thought about what I wanna say
    But I never really know where to go
    So I chained myself to a friend
    'Cause I know it unlocks like a door
     
    And we will never be alone again
    'Cause it doesn't happen every day
    Kinda counted on you being a friend
    Can I give it up or give it away
    Now I thought about what I wanna say
    But I never really know where to go
    So I chained myself to a friend
    'Cause I know it unlocks like a door...
     
    I don't understand, don't get upset
    That I'm not with you
    We’re swimming around,
    It's all I do, when I'm with you
     
    [Chorus]
    And we will never be alone again
    'Cause it doesn't happen every day
    Kinda counted on you being a friend
    Can I give it up or give it away
    Now I thought about what I wanna say
    But I never really know where to go
    So I chained myself to a friend
    'Cause I know it unlocks like a door
     
    And we will never be alone again
    'Cause it doesn't happen every day
    Kinda counted on you being a friend
    Can I give it up or give it away
    Now I thought about what I wanna say
    But I never really know where to go
    So I chained myself to a friend
    'Cause I know it unlocks like a door
     
    Bizarre Love Triangle - New Order (Love is Complicated)
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     
    Every time I think of you
    I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
    It's no problem of mine
    But it's a problem I find
    Living a life that I can't leave behind
    But there's no sense in telling me
    The wisdom of the fool won't set you free
    But that's the way that it goes
    And it's what nobody knows
    Well every day my confusion grows
     
    Every time I see you falling
    I get down on my knees and pray
    I'm waiting for that final moment
    You say the words that I can't say
     
    I feel fine and I feel good
    I'm feeling like I never should
    Whenever I get this way
    I just don't know what to say
    Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
    I'm not sure what this could mean
    I don't think you're what you seem
    I do admit to myself
    That if I hurt someone else
    Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
     
    Every time I see you falling
    I get down on my knees and pray
    I'm waiting for that final moment
    You say the words that I can't say (x)
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
    Love Comes Quickly - Pet Shop Boys (Jimmy's Mulberries)
     
    Sooner or later, this happens to everyone
    To everyone
     
    (To Brian)
    You can live your life lonely
    Heavy as stone
    Live your life learning
    And working alone
    Say this is all you want
    But I don't believe that it's true
    'Cause when you least expect it
    Waiting round the corner for you...
     
    Love comes quickly, whatever you do
    You can't stop falling (Ooh ooh)
    Love comes quickly, whatever you do
    You can't stop falling (Ooh ooh)
     
    (To Snowflake)
    You can live a life of luxury
    If that's what you want
    Taste forbidden pleasures
    Whatever you want
     
    You can fly away to the end of the world
    But where does it get you to?
    'Cause just when you least expect it
    Just what you least expect...
     
    Love comes quickly, whatever you do
    You can't stop falling (Ooh ooh)
    Love comes quickly, whatever you do
    You can't stop falling (Ooh ooh)
     
    I know it sounds ridiculous, but speaking from experience
    It may seem romantic, and that's no defense
    Love will always get to you
     
    Sooner or later, sooner or later, this happens to everyone
    To everyone
     
    You can fly away to the end of the world
    But where does it get you?
     
    Love comes quickly, whatever you do
    You can't stop falling (Ooh ooh)
    Love comes quickly, whatever you do
    You can't stop falling (Ooh ooh)
    Love comes quickly, whatever you do
    You can't stop falling (Ooh ooh)
    (Oooh)
     
    Love comes quickly, whatever you do
    You can't stop falling (Ooh ooh)
    Love comes quickly, whatever you do
    You can't stop falling (Ooh ooh)
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Love's Easy Tears - Cocteau Twins
         (Losing Snowflake)
     
    Love, without him
    She ought to know he owns himself
    Love, without him
    She ought to know
     

    Gee, how many loved her man
    How he could have done that he lived so loved
    The phone rang
    Die, so long, so love
    Yea, man, joys of love said them

     

    Love, without him
    She ought to know he owns himself
    Love, without him
    She ought to know

     

    Gee, how many loved her man
    How he could have done that he lived so loved
    The phone rang
    Die, so long, so love
    Yea, man, joys of love said them

     

    Joys of love had the cat on the couch these days
    Don't go leave me out
    Every stuffy day I go home
    Plus you don't know love

     

    Gee, how many loved her man
    How he could have done that?
    He lived so loved
    The phone rang
    Die, so long, so love
    Yea, man, joys of love said them
    (Please, please, please)

     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    The Main Man - Jason Nevins 
        (Snowflake Takes San Francisco)
     
    Heyo Heyo
     
    I'm the main man
    I'm the main man
     
    Mommy's all right, Mommy's all right 
    She's a natural born whore who's just out of sight 
    Mommy's all right, Mommy's all right 
    She's a natural born whore who's just out of sight 
     
    Hey 
    I'm the main man
    I'm the main man 
     
    Hey 
    I'm the main man 
     
    Hey 
    I'm the main man, I'm the main man, I'm the main man 
     
    Mommy's all right, Mommy's all right 
    She's a natural born whore who's just out of sight 2x 
     
    Hey x3 
    I'm the main man x3 
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    My Beautiful Friend - The Charlatans UK 
        (A Circus of First Impressions) 
     
    My Beautiful Friend
    I will pay attention don't say this is the end
    I find it hard to describe you
    To point and discover you
    Could I tell you once again
     
    Oh, My Beautiful Friend
    Let me sleep and I will feed you when you're hungry
    4 Ever live inside of me
    Thru the holes in the pockets of my clothes
    High as high as an angel
    I will stand there beside you
    Love is all we need
     
    Oh, My Beautiful Friend
    Oh, My Beautiful Friend
     
    My Beautiful Friend
    I swear I adore you
    Ain't no woman deep enough
    I don't know how we made it this far dear
    Without losing at least an ear
    I could leave us, I could leave us a painting
    Our lives are-a-changing
    So it goes
     
    I couldn't and I wouldn't want to change you
    Don't you know it I can save you
    I will do all of this on my
    Very own
     
    Oh, My Beautiful Friend
    Oh, My Beautiful Friend
     
    Do you ever get this feeling
    We're Supposed to carry on
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    The Sodom And Gomorrah Show - Pet Shop Boys
        (San Diego and Las Vegas)
     
    Sun, sex, sin, divine intervention
    Death and destruction
    Ladies and gentlemen
    Welcome to The Sodom And Gomorrah show
     
    I lived a quiet life
    A stranger to champagne
    I never dared to venture out
    To cities of the plain
     
    I heard about their way of life
    Took it with a pinch of salt
    The freedom and the time to play
    A life so easy, it intrigued me
    When you called to say
     
    "Are you gonna go
    To the Sodom And Gomorrah Show?
    It's got everything you need for your complete
    Entertainment and instruction
     
    Sun, sex, sin, divine intervention
    Death and destruction
    The Sodom And Gomorrah show
    Is a once in a lifetime production"
     
    I think it's true to say
    My life was changed that night
    In the liberated atmosphere
    All around me, someone found me
    Whispered in my ear
     
    "Are you gonna go
    To the Sodom And Gomorrah Show?
    It's got everything you need for your complete
    Entertainment and instruction
     
    Sun, sex, sin, divine intervention
    Death and destruction
    The Sodom And Gomorrah Show
    Is a once in a lifetime production"
     
    Then we went on after hours
    There was place, down below
    It was there I realized
    The meaning of the show
     
    You've got to love to learn to live
    Where angels fear to tread
    I did it and I don't regret the day
    Even now, I think of how
    You turned to me to say
     
    Sun, sex, sin, death and destruction
    Sun, sex, sin, death and destruction
     
    Are you gonna go
    (Sun, sex, sin, death and destruction)
    Sodom And Gomorrah
    (Sun, sex, sin, death and destruction)
     
    Are you gonna go
    To the Sodom And Gomorrah show?
    It's got everything you need for your complete
    Entertainment and instruction
     
    Sun, sex, sin, divine intervention
    Death and destruction
    The Sodom And Gomorrah Show
    Is a once in a lifetime production
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Fever - Superpitcher (Love In The Loft)
     
    Never know how much I love you
    Never know how much I care
    When you put your arms around me
    I get a fever that's so hard to bear
     
    You give me fever
    When you kiss me
    Fever when you hold me tight
    Fever! in the morning
    Fever all through the night
     
    Sun lights up the daytime
    Moon lights up the night
    I light up when you call my name
    And you know I'm gonna treat you right
     
    You give me fever
    When you kiss me
    Fever when you hold me tight
    Fever! in the morning
    Fever all through the night
     
    Everybody's got the fever
    That is something you all know
    Fever isn't such a new thing
    Fever started long ago
     
    Romeo loved Juliet
    Juliet, she felt the same
    When he put his arms around her 
    He said, "Julie, baby, you're my flame
     
    "Thou giveth fever
    "When we kisseth
    "Fever with thy flaming youth
    "Fever! I'm afire
    "Fever, yea, I burn, forsooth."
     
    Cap'n Smith and Pocahontas 
    Had a very mad affair
    When her daddy tried to kill him
    She said, "Daddy, oh, don't you dare!
     
    "He gives me fever
    "With his kisses
    "Fever when he holds me tight
    "Fever! I'm his missus
    "Daddy, won't you treat him right?"
     
    Now you've listened to my story
    Here's the point that I have made
    Boys were born to give you fever
    Be it Fahrenheit or Centigrade
     
    They give you fever
    When you kiss them
    Fever if you live and learn
    Fever! till you sizzle
    What a lovely way to burn
    What a lovely way to burn
    What a lovely way to burn
    What a lovely way to burn
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Somebody Else - The 1975 (Love on the Rocks)
     
    So I heard you found somebody else
    And at first I thought it was a lie
    I took all my things that make sounds
    The rest I can do without
     
    I don't want your body
    But I hate to think about you with somebody else
    Our love has gone cold
    You're intertwining your soul with somebody else
     
    I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone
    And then leaving with somebody else
    No, I don't want your body
    But I'm picturing your body with somebody else
     
    Come on baby
    This ain't the last time that I'll see your face
    Come on baby
    You said you'd find someone to take my place
     
    I just don't believe that you have got it in you 'cause
    We are just gonna keep 'doin' it' and everytime
    I start to believe in anything you're saying
    I'm reminded that I should be getting over it
     
    I don't want your body
    But I hate to think about you with somebody else
    Our love has gone cold
    You're intertwining your soul with somebody else
     
    I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone
    And then leaving with somebody else
    No, I don't want your body
    But I'm picturing your body with somebody else
     
    I don't want your body, I don't want your body
    I don't want your body, I don't want your body
    I don't want your body, I don't want your body
     
    Get someone you love?
    Get someone you need?
    Fuck that, get money
    I can't give you my soul 'cause we're never alone
    Get someone you love?
    Get someone you need?
    Fuck that, get money
    I can't give you my soul 'cause we're never alone
    Get someone you love?
    Get someone you need?
    Fuck that, get money
    I can't give you my soul 'cause we're never alone
    Get someone you love?
    Get someone you need?
    Fuck that, get money
    I can't give you my soul 'cause we're never alone
     
    I don't want your body
    But I hate to think about you with somebody else
    Our love has gone cold
    You're intertwining your soul with somebody else
     
    I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone
    And then leaving with somebody else
    No, I don't want your body
    But I'm picturing your body with somebody else
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Hunting High And Low - Silje Nergaard cover of A-ha
            (Hunting High And Low)
     
    Here I am
     
    And within the reach of my hands
    He's sound asleep and he's sweeter now
    Than the wildest dream could have seen him
    And I Watch him slipping away
    Though' I know I'll be hunting high and low
     
    High
     
    There's no end to the lengths I'll go to
    Hunting high and low
     
    High
     
    There's no end to lengths I'll go
    To find him again
    Upon this my dreams are depending
     
    Through the dark
    I sense the pounding of his heart
     
    Next to mine
     
    He's the sweetest love I could find
    So I guess I'll be hunting high and low
     
    High
     
    There's no end to the lengths I'll go to
    Hunting High and Low
     
    High
     
    Do you know what it means to love
    I'm hunting high and low
    And now he's telling me he's got to go away
    I'll always be hunting high and low
     
    Hungry for you
     
    Watching me tearing myself to pieces
    Hunting high and low
     
    High
     
    There's no end to the lengths I'll go to
    Oh, for you I'll be hunting high and low
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Melting Ice - Ladytron 
            (Brian and Snowflake Reconnect Through Training and 
            the First Big Race)
     
    Sailing to a distant port
    To meet your reflection on some desert shore
    Running up the coast
    I walk through a mirror and out of your ghost
     
    Hide you not seek you or flee here I must
    Before you can melt down my iceberg of trust
     
    Passing clouds hold on to shadows
    Melting ice leaves nowhere to go
     
    Sailing to a distant port
    To meet your reflection on some desert shore
    I tried to keep your heart
    Burning down bridges to break from the past
     
    Hide you not seek you or flee here I must
    Before you can melt down my iceberg of trust
     
    Passing clouds hold on to shadows
    Pouring light on ancient shipwrecks
    Passing clouds hold on to shadows
    Melting ice leaves nowhere to go
     
    Driving through the rain
    I sell all my wishes to play the odd game
     
    Hide you not seek you or flee here I must
    Before you can melt down my iceberg of trust
     
    Passing clouds hold on to shadows
    Melting ice leaves nowhere to go
     
    Passing clouds hold on to shadows
    Pouring light on ancient shipwrecks
    Passing clouds hold on to shadows
    Pouring light on ancient shipwrecks
    Passing clouds hold on to shadows
    Melting ice leaves nowhere to go
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Winter Is The Warmest Season
            (When it's cold outside, it's the warmest season of all)
     

    Love takes a long time
    And healing is slow
    He patiently waits
    As years go by
    And he's still waiting

     

    With ice on the next life
    I'm not looking back in time
    As feelings change
    Worries still remain here

     

    December snows down with love
    And then you see me
    When it's cold outside
    It's the warmest season

     

    I need you by my side
    So don't go away
    I'm keeping here
    Worries from a past life

     

    When many Decembers
    Come down to a few
    What's left undone
    Will matter for a life time

     

    December snows down with love
    And then you see me
    When it's cold outside
    It's the warmest season (X)

     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    The Sun Always Shines On TV (Extended)
            (The Winter Olympics!....But Something Isn't Right)
     
    ~ A Kiss for Luck ~
     
    Touch me
    How can it be
    Believe me
    The sun always shines on TV
    Hold me
    Close to your heart
    Touch me
    And give all your love to me
    To me
     
    ~ The Starter Gun Fires ~
     
    I reached inside myself and found
    Nothing there to ease the
    Pressure of my ever worrying mind
    All my powers waste away
    I fear the crazed and lonely
    Looks the mirror's sending me these days
     
    ~ Something Happens! ~
     
    Touch me
    How can it be
    Believe me
    The sun always shines on TV
    Hold me
    Close to your heart
    Touch me
    And give all your love to me
     
    ~ Snowflake Takes to the Snow ~
     
    Please don't ask me to defend
    The shameful lowlands of the way I'm drifting
    Gloomily through time
    I reached inside myself today
    Thinking there's got to be some way
    To keep my troubles distant
     
    ~ The Relay Is Exchanged ~
     
    Touch me
    How can it be
    Believe me
    The sun always shines on TV
    Hold me
    Close to your heart
    Touch me
    And give all your love to me
     
    ~ VICTORY! ~
     
    To me
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    In Your Face - The Children of Bodem 
            (Fighting for the One You Love)
     
    GO!
     
    Don't be sheltered hear the noise
    You are the answer their fucking poise
    But, oh, my god, you're so fine
    You seize the rogue and flesh divine
     
    One look at me, what do you see?
    Another junkie like a fucking dead beat
    Ask your eyes, they discriminate
    You're soft... no time to waste
     
    The discrimination animosity
    Your fault to ignore reality
    What you will a way to fight
    Get one thing all there is to die
     
    I don't give a flying fuck motherfucker
    I don't give a flying fuck motherfucker
    I don't give a flying
    I don't give a flying
    I don't give a flying fuck
     
    One step away from having a fit
    With the parting of my soul don't work with my shit
    Did hear I'm crazy, yes, I do
    So fuck the father and fuck you too
     
    Incoming!
     
    They want the world
    I don't dare you... (bring it on)
    It's my world you're in it
    It'll take you down in a minute
     
    If you've not done you'll look
    Diversify your ranks
    But the truth... seems like
    A big scythe in your face
     
    One look at me - what do you see?
    Another junkie and a fucking dead beat
    Ask your eyes they descriminate
    You're soft and no time to waste
     
    The descrimination animality
    Your fault to ignore reality
    What you will a way to fight
    Get one thing all there is to die
     
    I don't give a flying fuck motherfucker
    I don't give a flying fuck motherfucker
    I don't give a flying
    I don't give a flying
    I don't give a flying fuck
     
    Incoming!
     
    They want the world
    I don't dare you... bring it on
    It's my world you're in it
    It'll take you down in a minute
     
    If you've not done you'll look
    Diversify your ranks
    But the truth... seems like
    A big scythe in your face
     
    Incoming
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Colder - Charon (Russian Games)
     
    Come along with the whispering cold and fall
    They left you nothing more to seek from here
    So roll the feast in flames unforgettable
    Take a bow to end, reload your remorse
    Every line is thorn bite through your eyes
    Still remains the everlasting hope for a bitter war
     
    If it has made you colder turning your life for justice
    They have learned to obey
    Broken the rules I followed, burning for name so hollow
    I will learn to obey
     
    Among the weak and heartless I can breath the air veiled just like them
    Still remains the everlasting hope for a bitter war
     
    If it has made you colder turning your life for justice
    They have learned to obey
    If it has made you colder
    They have learned to obey
    Broken the rules I followed
    I will learn to obey
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    One Minute More (Elektromekanik Mix) - Capital Cities
            (Getting Away From It All)
     
    Don't wait for an invitation
    No need for reservation
    This life is an exploration
    And you gotta see what I see in you
     
    I can't wait one minute more
    The sun will shine
    The sun does shine
    We can't wait one minute more
    The sun does shine
    The sun does shine
     
    Just think of the destination
    I'll be your transportation
    We'll find there's a kind of place
    That can only be seen with a naked mind
     
    I can't wait one minute more
    The sun will shine
    The sun does shine
    We can't wait one minute more
    The sun does shine
    The sun does shine
     
    There's a key that opens a door
    Will you find it and turn it?
    Take your time, don't take too long
    There's a map that's washed ashore
    Will you find it and burn it?
     
    I can't wait one minute more
    The sun does shine
    The sun does shine
    We can't wait one minute more
    The sun does shine
    The sun does shine
     
    I can't wait one minute more
    The sun does shine
    The sun does shine
    We can't wait one minute more
    The sun does shine
    The sun does shine
     
    Unleash your imagination
    Two stars, one constellation
    Bright lights just to guide the way
    Can you see what I see in you?
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    More Than This - 10000 Maniacs cover of Roxy Music
    (Romance In Helsinki)
     
    I could feel at the time
    There was no way of knowing
    Fallen leaves in the night
    Who can say where they're blowing
    As free as the wind
    And hopefully learning
    Why the sea on the tide
    Has no way of turning
     
    More than this, there is nothing
    More than this, tell me one thing
    More than this, there is nothing
     
    It was fun for a while
    There was no way of knowing
    Like dream in the night
    Who can say where we're going
    No care in the world
    Maybe I'm learning
    Why the sea on the tide
    Has no way of turning
     
    More than this, there is nothing
    More than this, tell me one thing
    More than this, there is nothing
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    The Northern Lights - Duran Duran 
            (Club DTM and Flying North)
     
    Looking up from the polar sheet
    Out in the stars there's one I want to meet
    I am a signal somewhere in your Bliss
    So do you hear, do you hear my wish?
     
    You coming down now... from there?
    You coming round now... to share?
    You got a thing that...
    I care, I care about, I care about
     
    If you want to stay tonight
    Write your name across the sky
    Nothing I would rather like
    Than see you in the Northern Lights
     
    Up on the roof I listen for the moan
    Of your soft footstep on the snow
    Now and then somebody else's glow
    As they tune in to watch the show
     
    You coming down now... from there?
    You coming round now... to share?
    You got a thing that...
    I care, I care about, I care about
     
    If you want to stay tonight
    Write your name across the sky
    Nothing I would rather like
    Than see you in the Northern Lights
    If you want to play the night
    We could take an evening flight
    Shine out from a higher height
    Then we'll be in the Northern Lights
     
    If you want to stay tonight
    Write your name across the sky
    Nothing I would rather like
    Than see you in the Northern Lights
    If you want to play the night
    We could take an evening flight
    Shine out from a higher height
    Then we'll be in the Northern Lights
     
    Write your name across the sky
    Write your, write your name
    Write your name across the sky
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Sacra - Apocolyptica (The Lapland)
     
    (Instrumental)
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Ascent (An Ending) II - Icebreaker
            (The Forever White Under the Phosphorescent Sky)
     
    (Instrumental)
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Missing - Arcadia ('Now I Am Falling')
     
    And as I wandered down to where you lay
    the blood rushed up to meet the roses
    in your hair
    I thought I saw you smile
     
    But now I don't see you anywhere
     
    Whispering your love song in my ear
    how can you touch me
    when you're not really here?
     
    Stumbling out, I made my way towards the open door
    climbing fast the sun broad streaming
    laughter down into your empty gaze
     
    Where can I find you?
    now I want to join in your game
     
    I hear you calling
    I hear you ... calling (calling calling calling calling calling)
     
    Whispering your love song in my ear
    how can you touch me?
    how do you really dare?
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Lightning Crashes (Acoustic) - Live 
            ("Be Ready To Catch Me")
     
    Lightning crashes a new mother cries
    Her placenta falls to the floor
    The angel opens her eyes
    The confusion sets in
    Before the doctor can even close the door
     
    Lightning crashes an old mother dies
    Her intentions fall to the floor
    The angel closes her eyes
    The confusion that was hers
    Belongs now to the baby down the hall
     
    Oh now feel it, comin' back again
    Like a rollin', thunder chasing the wind
    Forces pullin' from
    The center of the earth again
    I can feel it.
     
    Lightning crashes a new mother cries
    This moment she's been waiting for
    The angel opens her eyes
    Pale blue colored iris
    Presents the circle
    And puts the glory out to hide, hide
     
    Oh now feel it, comin' back again
    Like a rollin', thunder chasing the wind
    Forces pullin' from
    The center of the earth again
    I can feel it.
     
    Oh why?
     
    Oh now feel it, comin' back again
    Like a rollin', thunder chasing the wind
    Forces pullin' from
    The center of the earth again
    I can feel it.
     
    Oh now feel it, comin' back again
    Like a rollin', thunder chasing the wind
    Forces pullin' from
    The center of the earth again
    I can feel it.
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    A Thousand Years - Christina Perri
            (True Love Never Dies: Snowflake's Love Song)
     
    The day we met
    Frozen, I held my breath
    Right from the start
    I knew that I'd found a home for my
     
    Heart 
     
    Beats fast
    Colors and promises
    How to be brave?
    How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
    But watching you stand alone,
    All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.
     
    One step closer
     
    I have died every day waiting for you
    Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
    For a thousand years
    I'll love you for a thousand more
     
    Time stands still
    Beauty in all he is
    I will be brave
    I will not let anything take away
    What's standing in front of me
    Every breath
    Every hour has come to this
     
    One step closer
     
    I have died every day waiting for you
    Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
    For a thousand years
    I'll love you for a thousand more
     
    And all along I believed I would find you
    Time has brought your heart to me
    I have loved you for a thousand years
    I'll love you for a thousand more
     
    One step closer
    One step closer
     
    I have died every day waiting for you
    Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
    For a thousand years
    I'll love you for a thousand more
     
    And all along I believed I would find you
    Time has brought your heart to me
    I have loved you for a thousand years
    I'll love you for a thousand more
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Angel In The Snow (Acoustic Instrumental) - A-Ha
            (Snowflakes)
     
    ~catches~
  14. Johnathan Colourfield
    Latest Entry

    So I was searching for stuff to actually do over summer because i'mma have 14 weeks with not much to do.

     

    Then i saw a thing for a summer school in London, and I applied. And I gots it!

     

    I'm going to be an Arts Activity Leader (Drama, Art, Music) at a centre in central London - and I get accomodation! A whole summer in London :D How amazing is that gonna be? :D

     

    Also, they asked me to interview for a Management position - which is scary. They've asked me to interview for Welfare and Accomodation Officer, which is the second in command! :o I only report to the Center Manager and the CEO of the company...

     

    All because i knew about Safeguarding and Behaviour Management principles and been on a course last week about them.

     

    I mean it's only seasonal work, but considering the work that I am in, it is fluctuating anyway with no work during the summer holidays. Note - We don't have a 14 week summer in the UK, just that they've told me supply teachers basically don't get work in Term 6 (June-July), so it would be a good idea to search for work in that period anyway. Which i've done!

     

    So new summer job - either Activity Leader or Welfare and Accomodation Officer :D Then in September, back to my regular Supply job.

     

    Life is good. Terminally single. But good :D

     

    **

     

    By the way - I LOVE my supply teaching job - so much variety and different subjects, groups and schools. Really my sort of thing. I'm going to be in a school for 7 weeks, as a Resident Instructor - which means i've got 4 days guaranteed work a week for a short period. And if i don't like the school, I'm basically done with them after 2 months lol

     

    Means i'm going to be even more busy than I normally am, but who cares! It's work and money to pay for stuff I want LOL

     

    Like my doctorate...

  15. Dark
    Latest Entry

    I hadn't realized it's been 3 years since I updated this blog. :P

     

    If you didn't know, I moved back home to Alaska in 2013. I was at my parents' place in Anchorage for about a month before I shipped out to a little place called Chevak. About a 30-minute plane ride from the Bering Sea, I taught at a one-building school housing grades pre-K to 12th. My responsibility was science, grades 8-12.

     

    I enjoyed myself for the most part, but the job there was stressful and a 7-day a week position, especially that first year when I was working with the junior class fundraising almost every weekend on top of designing three new classes. After two years I decided I had had enough of the administration and the teacher in-fighting and came home to Anchorage.

     

    It occurred to me today that I am finally over my ex. We split way back in 2007, though we occasionally hung out for a couple years after that. Then he went home to Ohio and I decided it was high time I went back home, too. It took me two years of planning and saving, but I made it happen. I was looking at my files for the Ask an Author feature of the GA Blog when I looked over some questions directed at me. I've not felt comfortable enough answering them, but I've decided it's time.

     

    I've been through a lot in the past 9 years and gained some perspective and time has healed some wounds. My ex begged me to visit last summer, so I did. I realized within a week what a mistake it was. He's still manipulative, selfish, and determined to live like a frat boy ... but I'm a stronger person than I was when we were together. It just hit me today that I'm done with that mess. I have finally moved past it, and it's like this weird, bulky weight lifted off my shoulders, like I can breathe again. The shit he put me through is done messing with my life.

     

    My physical therapist had me standing on this weird wooden board with a ball under it making me exercise my ankle and of course peppering me with questions ... and I called him my ex on purpose and without even thinking about it. And I smiled because it felt good, and I thought, Geez, what the heck have I been doing the past almost ten years? I'm asexual, so I've never been bothered by being single or not being in a relationship. Since my brother gave Mom her first grandchild last September she's been pestering me again about finding someone, but she does that to my other siblings, so I can shrug it off like the good-natured ribbing it is. She's come a long way, too, in her views, and listening when I correct her usually incorrect assumptions about GLBQTA people and ideas. Dad, well, I don't anticipate being able to talk to him honestly for some time, if ever, but he's held everyone at arms-length since he and my mom divorced last year.

     

    My best friend in the whole world is finally moving up here to Alaska and we're going to be roommates starting in the summer. Sure, I'm going to miss my wonderful view of the Chugach Mountains, but it finally occurred to me that I'm happy. While on one hand I wonder how long this has been going on without me noticing, but on the other hand ... it's about time, don't you think?

  16. Well, some of you guys know I had a job change. Part of my job is to change primary care physicians for people who request them. Today I received a report from a county hospital system, and on that short report, there were two people changed their primary doctor to one that specialized in HIV/AIDS (and that doctor doesn't accept anybody else, so it's not your typical family doctor). I've not even worked for this place for a month, and I already saw three people admitted to the HIV/AIDS department.

     

    Among them one was only in his 20's. I don't know this person..., but when I read his medical record, an surreal feeling rushed within me. I wanted to know why a young man in his prime must face this adversary; I wanted to know how he contacted with this devastating disease, and I wanted to know what he felt when his doctor announced his diagnosis.

     

    I hope this post would bring forth an AIDS awareness. I did a little research and found this data visualization tool from CDC (Center for Disease Control):

     

    http://gis.cdc.gov/grasp/nchhstpatlas/main.html?value=atlas

     

    There is no latest date for Year 2015 and 2016 yet. The general trend is the case of HIV diagnosis has been going steady throughout the years CDC had obtained official data (though it irks me some data don't adds up, like the sum of diagnosis broken down by genders don't add up to the number broken down by age group for year 2008 and 2009).

     

    Seeing the Year 2014 figure is the first year that HIV diagnosis has increased, and given more people are at ease with their sexuality, it alarms me that there is a possibility that 2015 and 2016 figures could be on the increase as well.

     

    The highest risk group remains to be men who have sex with other men. This group account for ~75% of all HIV diagnosis. Anal sex is a very efficient way to spread STDs. So the lesson here is: Play safe!

     

    There is no reason people's comfortable level with their sexuality should automatically translate into higher HIV/AIDS rate. Indeed, the rate of HIV/AIDS can be kept at bay if people can talk honestly and comfortably about the importance of getting tested. In fact, according to the study, almost 1 in 6 (15.8%) HIV carriers don't even know they are infected1. Don't be shy! Talk to your partner!

     

    While I think it's nice more people are coming to term with their sexuality, but at the same time, seeing the advent of cruising via Grindr and Craigslist personal ads..., I highly doubt it would be the last time I had to change a young man's primary doctor to an HIV/AIDS doctor.

     

    Don't make Ashi cry. Please.

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    Link to Playlist on YouTube:

     

    ~~~

    Various Artists

    1. Iris – Future Sunsets Cover of Goo Goo Dolls (The General Theme for the Billy Chase Chronicles – Brandon Style!)
    2. Let It Happen – Tame Impala (The Shower, Brandon’s Theme)
    3. The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face – George Michael Cover of Roberta Flack (The Mall, Main Love Theme)
    4. Ask – Brothertiger Cover of The Smiths (The Library Theme)
    5. The Air That I Breathe – k.d. lang Cover of The Hollies (The First Time Billy and Brandon Make Love)
    6. Perfect Day - Duran Duran Cover of Lou Reed (Weekends with Marie)
    7. Make Me Smile (Come Up and See Me) – Cockney Rebel (Brandon Smiling, AJ Frowning
    8. The Things You Said – Depeche Mode (The Breakup)
    9. The Lover After Me – Savage Garden 
      (Walking By Billy’s House At Night, Brandon’s Lament)
    10. Your Eyes Open – Keane (Brandon’s Curse)
    11. Living A Boy’s Adventure Tale – A-ha 
      (Billy’s and Brandon’s Journey Through Heart Break)
    12. Let Down – Radiohead (Brandon Descending)
    13. Brandon – William Fizsimmons (Brian, Brandon’s Father, Agonizes)
    14. How To Disappear Completely – Radiohead (The Note)
    15. Late October – Brian Eno and Harold Budd (The Bridge)
    16. You Are Young – Keane (Dad's Words of Salvation)
    17. White Shadows – Coldplay (What A Life is Worth)
    18. Crash and Burn – Savage Garden (Stevie to the Rescue!)
    19. Fix You – Coldplay (Stevie’s Love for Brandon)
    20. Someone Else Not Me – Duran Duran (Stevie’s Sacrifice)
    21. Ordinary World – Duran Duran (Brandon Growing)
    22. Running In Circles – Pop, ETC. (Brandon’s Struggles)
    23. Trust – The Cure (The Hill, Billy’s Plea)
    24. Chains - Brothertiger (The Hill, Brandon's Cautious Acceptance)
    25. We've Only Just Begun - Barry Manilow Cover of The Carpenters (Brandon and Billy Reunite)
    26. The One – Elton John (Brandon’s Unshakeable Commitment)
    27. Fifteen - Goldroom and Chela (Looking Back On a Special Time In Your Life)
    28. Kiss Me Like Nobody's Watching! - Simple Plan (Kissin' At The Concert)
    29. Everything - FM-84, MrM (Billy Means Everything)
    30. Half Awake - Porcelain Raft (Coming Over)
    31. Something About Us - Daft Punk (One Hot Summer Afternoon)
    32. Do Me, Baby - Prince (Brandon Giving His All)
    33. Smalltown Boy - Bronski Beat (. . . and then Billy's Mom walks in.)
    34. Tears - FM-84, MrM ('Why Can't She See All My Tears?')
    35. Talk - Coldplay (Talking To Marie)
    36. Secret - OMD (Sharing Secrets)
    37. Leave Yourself Alone - Porcelain Raft (Brandon Accepting)
    38. True Colors - Cyndi Lauper (Marie Helps Brandon Spread His Wings)
    39. All In My Head - Porcelain Raft (Slaying Closet Dragons)
    40. Arcade Summer - FM-84, MrM (Precious Visits to Billy's Music Shop)
    41. Sexy Boy - Air (Loving The Dream Boy)
    42. Innamorata Mia - Il Canguro (Mama's Love Song In Billy's Ear)
    43. Back To Us - Brothertiger (Stevie's Back)
    44. Leave A Light On - Duran Duran (Awkward Devotional)
    45. Watch How You Go - Keane (Stevie Lets Brandon Go A Second Time)
    46. Condemnation - Depeche Mode (Jimmy LaPlane Strikes Back)
    47. Stay Away - Nirvana (Brandon Defending)
    48. Caste In Steel - A-Ha (Boys Inseparable)
    49. The Scientist - Glee Cover of Coldplay (Reaffirmations and the Long Road Taken)
    50. Count On Me - Camouflage (Brandon Devoted)
    51. Insatiable - Darren Hayes (Brandon Can Never Get Enough Of Billy)

    Lyrics


    Iris – Future Sunsets Cover of Goo Goo Dolls (The General Theme for the Billy Chase Chronicles – Brandon Style!)

    And I'd give up forever to touch you

    'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

    You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

    And I don't want to go home right now

    And all I can taste is this moment

    And all I can breathe is your life

    'Cause sooner or later it's over

    I just don't wanna miss you tonight

    And I don't want the world to see me

    'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

    When everything's made to be broken

    I just want you to know who I am

    .....of who I am

    When you can't fight the tears that are coming

    Or the moment of truth in your lies

    When everything feels like the movies

    Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

    And I don't want the world to see me

    'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

    When everything's made to be broken

    I just want you to know who I am

    .....of who I am

    .....of who I am

    .....of who I am

    And I don't want the world to see me

    'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

    When everything's made to be broken

    I just want you to know who I am

    And I don't want the world to see me

    'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

    When everything's made to be broken

    I just want you to know who I am

    I just want you to know who I am

    I just want you to know who I am

    I just want you to know who I am


    Let It Happen – Tame Impala (The Shower, Brandon’s Theme)

    It's always around me, all this noise

    But, not really as loud as the voice saying

    Let it happen, let it happen (It's gonna feel so good)

    Just let it happen, let it happen

    All this running around

    Trying to cover my shadow

    An ocean growing inside

    All the others seem shallow

    All this running around

    Bearing down on my shoulders

    I can hear an alarm

    Must be morning

    I heard about a whirlwind that's coming 'round

    It's gonna carry off all that isn't bound

    And when it happens, when it happens (I will be holding on)

    So let it happen, let it happen

    All this running around

    I can't fight it much longer

    Something's trying to get out

    And it's never been closer

    If my ticker fails

    Make up some other story

    And if I never come back

    Tell my father I'm sorry...

    I do not vanish

    You will not scare me

    Try to get through me

    Try to push through me

    You are now thinking

    That I will not do it

    Maybe your love is true

    And I am just stupid

    Take the next ticket

    To take the next train

    Why would I do it?

    And you want to think that....

    ....Maybe I don't want to be all alone

    Or Maybe I was ready all along

    Oh Baby, All I ever wanted was

    The sound of our mending

    I was ready all along.


    The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face – George Michael Cover of Roberta Flack (The Mall, Main Love Theme)

    The first time ever I saw your face

    I thought the sun rose in your eyes

    And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave

    To the dark and the empty skies, my love

    To the dark and the empty skies

    The first time ever I kissed your mouth

    I felt the earth move in my hands

    Like the trembling heart of a captive bird

    That was there at my command, my love

    That was there...

    And the first time ever I lay with you

    And felt your heart so close to mine

    And I knew our joy would fill the earth

    And last 'till the end of time, my love

    It would last 'till the end of time

    The first time ever I saw your face

    Your face, your face


    Ask – Brothertiger Cover of The Smiths (The Library Theme)

    Shyness is nice, but

    Shyness can stop you

    From doing all the things in life

    You'd like to

    Shyness is nice, but

    Shyness can stop you

    From doing all the things in life

    You'd like to

    But, if there's something you'd like to try

    If there's something you'd like to try

    Ask me, I won't say no, how can I?

    Coyness is nice, but

    Coyness can stop you

    From saying all the things in

    Life you'd like to

    But, if there's something you'd like to try

    If there's something you'd like to try

    Ask me, I won't say no, how can I?

    Spending warm summer days indoors

    Writing frightening verse

    To a buck-toothed girl in Luxembourg

    Ask me, ask me, ask me

    Ask me, ask me, ask me

    Because

    If it's not love

    Then it's the bond, the bond, the bond, the bond, the bond, the bond, the bond

    That will bring us together

    Nature is a language, can't you read?

    Nature is a language, can't you read?

    Ask me, ask me, ask me

    Ask me, ask me, ask me

    Because

    If it's not love

    Then it's the bond, the bond, the bond, the bond, the bond, the bond, the bond

    That will bring us together

    If it's not love

    Then it's the bond

    Then it's the bond

    That will bring us together

    Together

    Ask me, ask me, ask me

    Ask me, ask me, ask me

    Because

    Oh, la, la, la, la, la

    La, la, la, la

    La, la, la, la

    La, la, la, la

    La, la, la, la

    La, la, la, la

    La, la, la, la

    La, la, la, la


    The Air That I Breathe – k.d. lang Cover of The Hollies

    (The First Time Billy and Brandon Make Love)

    If I could make a wish, I think I'd pass

    Can't think of anything I need

    No cigarettes, no sleep, no light, no sound

    Nothing to eat, no books to read

    Making love with you has left me peaceful, warm and tired

    What else could I ask, there's nothing to be desired

    Peace came upon me and it leaves me weak

    So sleep, silent angel, go to sleep

    Sometimes —

    All I need is the air that I breathe and to love you

    All I need is the air that I breathe and to love you

    All I need is the air that I breathe ...

    Making love with you has left me peaceful, warm and tired

    What more could I ask, there's nothing to be desired

    Sometimes —

    All I need is the air that I breathe and to love you

    All I need is the air that I breathe and to love you

    All I need is the air that I breathe ...

    Peace came upon me and it leaves me weak

    So sleep, silent angel, go to sleep

    Sleep, silent angel, go to sleep ...


    Perfect Day - Duran Duran Cover of Lou Reed (Weekends with Marie)

    Just a perfect day

    Drink Sangria in the park

    And then later

    When it gets dark, we go home

    Just a perfect day

    Feed animals in the zoo

    Then later

    A movie, too, and then home

    Oh, it's such a perfect day

    I'm glad I spent it with you

    Oh, such a perfect day

    You just keep me hanging on

    You just keep me hanging on

    Just a perfect day

    Problems all left alone

    Weekenders on our own

    It's such fun

    Just a perfect day

    You made me forget myself

    I thought I was

    Someone else, someone good

    Oh, it's such a perfect day

    I'm glad I spent it with you

    Oh, such a perfect day

    You just keep me hanging on

    You just keep me hanging on

    You're going to reap just what you sow

    You're going to reap just what you sow

    You're going to reap just what you sow

    You're going to reap just what you sow


    Make Me Smile (Come Up and See Me) – Cockney Rebel

    (Brandon Smiling and AJ Frowning)

    You've done it all, you've broken every code

    And pulled the rebel to the floor

    You spoilt the game, no matter what you say

    For only metal - what a bore!

    Blue eyes, blue eyes

    How come you tell so many lies?

    Come up and see me, make me Smile

    Or do what you want, running wild

    There's nothing left, all gone and run away

    Maybe you'll tarry for a while

    It's just a test, a game for us to play

    Win or lose, it's hard to Smile

    Resist, resist

    It's from yourself you have to hide

    So, come up and see me, make me Smile

    Or do what you want, running wild

    There ain't no more, you've taken everything

    From my belief in Mother Earth

    How can you ignore my faith in everything?

    'Cause i know what faith is and what it's worth

    Away, away

    And don't say maybe you'll try

    To come up and see me, make me Smile

    Or do what you want, running wild......


    The Things You Said – Depeche Mode (The Breakup)

    I heard it from my friends

    About the things you said

    I heard it from my friends

    About the things you said

    But they know me better than that

    They know me better than that

    They know my weaknesses

    I never tried to hide them

    They know my weaknesses

    I never denied them

    I heard it from my friends

    About the things you said

    I heard it from my friends

    About the things you said

    How can a view become so twisted?

    How can a view become so twisted?

    They know my weaknesses

    I never tried to hide them

    They know my weaknesses

    You tried them

    I get so carried away

    You brought me down to earth

    I thought we had something precious

    Now I know what it's worth

    I heard it from my friends

    About the things you said

    I heard it from my friends

    About the things you said

    I've never felt so disappointed

    Never felt so disappointed

    They know my weaknesses

    I never tried to hide them

    They know my weaknesses

    You thought that you liked them

    They know me better than that


    The Lover After Me – Savage Garden

    (Walking By Billy’s House At Night, Brandon’s Lament)

    Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today

    It's been seven months and counting

    You've moved on

    I still feel exactly the same

    It's just that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name

    Like photographs and memories of love

    Steel and granite reminders

    The city calls your name and I can't move on

    Ever since you've been gone

    The lights go out the same

    The only difference is

    You call another name

    To your love

    To your lover now

    To your love

    The lover after me

    Am I all alone in the universe?

    There's no love on these streets

    I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway

    So this is my new freedom

    It's funny

    I don't remember being chained

    But nothing seems to make sense anymore

    Without you I'm always twenty minutes late

    Ever since you've been gone

    The lights go out the same

    The only difference is

    You call another name

    To your love

    To your lover now

    To your love

    The lover after me

    And time goes by so slowly

    The nights are cold and lonely

    I shouldn't be holding on

    But I'm still holding on for you

    Here I go again

    I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today

    But I'm standing at your doorway

    I'm calling out your name because I can't move on

    Ever since you've been gone

    The lights go out the same

    The only difference is

    You call another name

    To your love

    To your lover now

    To your love

    The lover after me

    Oh no, no no!

    To your love

    To your lover now

    The lover after me

    The lover after me


    Your Eyes Open – Keane (Brandon’s Curse)

    Well it's a lonely road that you have chosen

    Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore

    And it's a long time since your heart was frozen

    Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore

    For a moment your eyes open and you know

    All the things I ever wanted you to know

    I don't know you, and I don't want to

    Till the moment your eyes open and you know

    That it's a lonely place that you have run to

    Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore

    And it's a lonely end that you will come to

    Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore

    For a moment your eyes open and you know

    All the things I ever wanted you to know

    I don't know you, and I don't want to

    Till the moment your eyes open and you know

    For a moment your eyes open and you know

    All the things I ever wanted you to know

    I don't know you, and I don't want to

    Till the moment your eyes open and you know


    Living A Boy’s Adventure Tale – A-ha

    (Billy’s and Brandon’s Journey Through Heart Break)

    (Agonized Calling)

    (Brandon)

    I've fixed my dwelling for the night

    Lights in pairs come passing by

    where I hide

    I'll need some time now on my own

    Leave my loneliness alone

    To lick my wounds

    Night has found me just in time

    to help me close my eyes

    one more time

    Living a boy's adventure tale

    In so many ways

    Living a boy's adventure tale

    For so many days

    I'm living a boy's adventure tale

    Can't escape, if I wanted to

    Living a boy's adventure tale

    I may be dreaming but I feel awake

    (Billy)

    I've been lost in so many places

    Seeking love in so many faces

    A change of weather,

    the rain pours down

    My head in hands,

    pressed to the ground

    And where am I supposed to go now?

    Living a boy's adventure tale

    In so many ways

    Living a boy's adventure tale (aah)

    Living a boy's adventure tale

    a voice I hear

    Living a boy's adventure tale

    Singing a lullaby for me

    (Both)

    Living a boy's adventure tale

    Because of you

    Living a boy's adventure tale

    Oh you know it's true

    I'm living a boy's adventure tale

    In so many ways (aah)

    For so many days

    I love you. I love you

    So many ways

    (Agonized Calling)


    Let Down – Radiohead (Brandon Descending)

    Transport

    Motorways and tramlines

    Starting and then stopping

    Taking off and landing

    The emptiest of feelings

    Disappointed people

    Clinging onto bottles

    And when it comes it's so so disappointing

    Let down and hanging around

    Crushed like a bug in the ground

    Let down and hanging around

    Shell smashed, juices flowing

    Wings twitch legs are going

    Don't get sentimental

    It always ends up drivel

    One day I am gonna grow wings

    A chemical reaction

    Hysterical and useless

    Hysterical and....

    ....Let down and hanging around

    Crushed like a bug in the ground

    Let down and hanging around

    Let down and hanging

    Let down and hanging

    Let down and hanging

    You know, you know where you are with

    You know where you are with

    Floor collapsing, floating

    Bouncing back and....

    ....One day I am gonna grow wings

    A chemical reaction

    (You know where you are)

    Hysterical and useless

    (You know where you are)

    Hysterical and

    (You know where you are)

    Let down and hanging around

    Crushed like a bug in the ground

    Let down and hanging around


    Brandon – William Fizsimmons (Brian, Brandon’s Father, Agonizes)

    I could love you

    I would sew the seeds again

    If you take down

    Your justified defense

    If they chase you

    Because you are not the same

    I will run too

    And call you by your name

    Have I only let you down

    May I lay beside you now

    In the backyard

    Where they tore your clothes away

    So you scrubbed at

    The blood to wash away

    Have I only let you down

    May I lay beside you now (x2)


    How To Disappear Completely – Radiohead (The Note)

    That there, that's not me

    I go where I please

    I walk through walls

    I float down the Liffey

    I'm not here

    This isn't happening

    I'm not here, I'm not here

    In a little while

    I'll be gone

    The moment's already passed

    Yeah, it's gone

    I'm not here

    This isn't happening

    I'm not here, I'm not here

    Strobe lights and blown speakers

    Fireworks and hurricanes

    I'm not here

    This isn't happening

    I'm not here, I'm not here....

    AHHHHHHHH.......HuHHHhhh...


    Late October – Brian Eno and Harold Budd (The Bridge)

    (Somber Interlude)


    You Are Young – Keane (Words of Salvation)

    Fearful child have faith in brighter days

    Stay until this darkness fades away

    Lie still beside me

    I'll hold you now, I'll hold you forever

    Winter's hand will freeze your heart again

    Doors will close, no time to start again

    Nothing is given

    Except the ties that hold us together

    Lay down your load

    'Cause every day it's gonna grow

    And bask in the sunshine

    Try to pay no mind

    Try to pay no mind at all

    To all the things that you don't know

    You've got time to realize you're shielded by the hands of Love

    'Cause you are young

    Fading light may make a fool of me

    Courage fails, strengths slip away from me

    Lie still beside me

    And hold me now, and hold me forever

    Lay down your load

    'Cause every day it's gonna grow

    These days are sacred

    Hey now, don't be scared

    Baby, don't be scared at all

    Of all the things that you don't know

    You've got time to realize you're shielded by the hands of Love

    'Cause you are young

    You've got time, you've got to try

    To bring some good into this world

    'Cause you are young

    'Cause you are young

    Oh-oh-oh...

    'Cause you are young


    White Shadows – Coldplay (What A Life is Worth)

    When I was a young boy I tried to listen

    And I want to feel like that

    Little white shadows blink and I missed 'em

    Part of a system, I am

    If you ever feel like something's missing

    Things you'll never understand

    Little white shadows sparkle and glisten

    Part of a system, a plan

    All this noise, I'm waking up

    All this space I'm taking up

    All this sound is breaking up

    Whoa oh

    Maybe you'll get what you wanted

    Maybe you'll stumble upon it

    Everything you ever wanted

    In a permanent state

    Maybe you'll know when you see it

    Maybe if you say it you'll mean it

    And when you find it you'll keep it

    In a permanent state

    A permanent state

    When I was a young boy I tried to listen

    Don't you want to feel like that

    You're part of the human race

    All of the stars and the outer space

    Part of the system, the plan

    All this noise, I'm waking up

    All this space I'm taking up

    I cannot hear, you're breaking up

    Whoa oh

    Maybe you'll get what you wanted

    Maybe you'll stumble upon it

    Everything you ever wanted

    In a permanent state

    Maybe you'll know when you see it

    Maybe if you say it, you'll mean it

    And when you find it you'll keep it

    In a permanent state

    A permanent state

    Swimming on a sea of faces

    A tide of the human race

    So, an answer now is what I need

    I see it in the new sun rising

    I see it break on your horizon

    Oh come on love, stay with me

    Stay with me

    Stay with me

    Stay with me


    Crash and Burn – Savage Garden (Stevie to the Rescue!)

    When you feel all alone

    And the world has turned its back on you

    Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart

    I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you

    It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold

    When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

    Let me be the one you call

    If you jump I'll break your fall

    Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

    If you need to fall apart

    I can mend a broken heart

    If you need to crash then crash and burn

    You're not alone

    When you feel all alone

    And a loyal friend is hard to find

    You're caught in a one way street

    With the monsters in your head

    When hopes and dreams are far away and

    You feel like you can't face the day

    Let me be the one you call

    If you jump I'll break your fall

    Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

    If you need to fall apart

    I can mend a broken heart

    If you need to crash then crash and burn

    You're not alone

    'Cause there has always been heartache and pain

    And when it's over you'll breathe again

    You'll breathe again

    When you feel all alone

    And the world has turned its back on you

    Give me a moment please

    To tame your wild wild heart

    Let me be the one you call

    If you jump I'll break your fall

    Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

    If you need to fall apart

    I can mend a broken heart

    If you need to crash then crash and burn

    You're not alone


    Fix You – Coldplay (Stevie’s Love for Brandon)

    When you try your best, but you don't succeed

    When you get what you want, but not what you need

    When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

    Stuck in reverse

    And the tears come streaming down your face

    When you lose something you can't replace

    When you love someone, but it goes to waste

    Could it be worse?

    Lights will guide you home

    And ignite your bones

    And I will try to fix you

    And high up above or down below

    When you're too in love to let it go

    But if you never try you'll never know

    Just what you're worth

    Lights will guide you home

    And ignite your bones

    And I will try to fix you

    Tears stream down your face

    When you lose something you cannot replace

    Tears stream down your face and I...

    Tears stream down your face

    I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

    Tears stream down your face and I...

    Lights will guide you home

    And ignite your bones

    And

    ...I will try to fix you


    Someone Else Not Me – Duran Duran (Stevie’s Sacrifice)

    Now while the beat is slow

    Here in your arms I sway

    Now that the light is low

    Something I want to say

    I guess you've known it for a while

    But I mean trouble

    I only want to see you Smile

    And I burst this bubble

    The hardest thing is to let go

    When love is real...

    Like a flower loves a bee

    But I know you're meant to give yourself to someone else

    Not me

    And I could carry on with you

    Does that sound crazy?

    I think you feel the same way too

    And you can't face it

    The hardest thing is to let go

    But it's not defeat

    When you set somebody free

    And I know you're meant to be yourself with someone else

    Not me

    Can you let go?

    'Cause that's love that's real

    Like a flower loves a bee

    And you know you're meant to give yourself to someone else

    Not me

    Somebody else not me

    Meant for somebody else not me

    Somebody else not me


    Ordinary World – Duran Duran (Brandon Growing)

    Came in from a rainy Thursday on the avenue

    Thought I heard you talking softly

    I turned on the lights, the TV, and the radio

    Still I can't escape the ghost of you

    What has happened to it all?

    Crazy some say

    Where is the life that I recognize?

    Gone away

    But I won't cry for yesterday

    There's an ordinary world

    Somehow I have to find

    And as I try to make my way

    To the ordinary world

    I will learn to survive

    Passion or coincidence once prompted you to say

    "Pride will tear us both apart"

    Well now prides gone out the window

    Cross the rooftops, run away

    Left me in the vacuum of my heart

    What is happening to me?

    Crazy some say

    Where is my friend when I need you most?

    Gone away

    But I won't cry for yesterday

    There's an ordinary world

    Somehow I have to find

    And as I try to make my way

    To the ordinary world

    I will learn to survive

    Papers in the roadside tell of suffering and greed

    Feared today, forgot tomorrow

    Besides the news of holy war and holy need

    Ours is just a little sorrowed talk

    And I don't cry for yesterday

    There's an ordinary world

    Somehow I have to find

    And as I try to make my way

    To the ordinary world

    I will learn to survive

    Every world is my world

    (I will learn to survive)

    Any world is my world

    (I will learn to survive)

    Any world is my world

    Every world is our world


    Running In Circles – Pop, ETC. (Brandon’s Struggles)

    Every time I run, every time I run

    Where do I end up?

    Back at the start, staring back at you

    Right where we left off

    But the harder I am pushed

    The easier it gets to forget

    All the reasons why I could never find

    The words to explain this

    Oh, we came so close

    It felt so close we could taste it

    But there's nothing left to do

    There's nothing we can do if we face it

    It's part of me

    It's part of you, but it's wasted

    No, there's nothing left to do

    There's nothing we can do to replace it

    Now I'm running in circles without you

    I'm running in circles without you

    I'm running in circles without you

    I'm running in circles without you

    I can see your eyes, I can see your eyes

    Looking for new life

    Where there once was a heart, some kind of beat

    Now is it complete?

    No matter how many times

    I tell myself it was right

    Every day I know I can only play

    This way to lose the fight

    Oh, we came so close

    It felt so close we could taste it

    But there's nothing left to do

    There's nothing we can do if we face it

    It's part of me

    It's part of you, but it's wasted

    No, there's nothing left to do

    There's nothing we can do to replace it

    Now I'm running in circles without you

    I'm running in circles without you

    I'm running in circles without you

    I'm running in circles without you

    I'm running in circles without you

    I'm running in circles without you

    I'm running in circles without you

    I'm running in circles without you


    Trust – The Cure (The Hill, Billy’s Plea)

    There's no-one left in the world

    That i can hold onto

    There is really no-one left at all

    There is only you

    And if you leave me now

    You leave all that we were

    Undone

    There is really no-one left

    You are the only one

    And still the hardest part for you

    Is to put your trust in me

    I love you more than i can say

    Why won't you just believe? (x2)


    Chains - Brothertiger (The Hill, Brandon's Heart is Turned)

    We can go to the other side

    Take me as I am tonight

    Tell me what you want to do

    I don't know where to begin

    Losing hold of you again

    Hoping we can make this through

    And it's true

    I'd say

    That there's an emptiness between us today

    It's up to you

    If I stay

    But there's a feeling that I just can't take

    And so I might walk away when I get caught up

    It's all for you when I give my love

    To tell the truth I can say that things aren't quite the same

    Maybe we can break the chains that are holding you down

    Because it's you I want to be around

    I'll follow through with all the decisions I have made

    I can't seem to understand

    Why you feel so different

    I wonder why you act this way

    Can I reach the top of it?

    I'm running out of innocence

    Hoping it will end someday

    And it's true

    I'd say

    There's a connection still between us today

    It's up to you

    If I stay

    And there's a feeling that I just can't shake

    And so I might walk away when I get caught up

    It's all for you when I give my love

    To tell the truth I can say that things aren't quite the same

    Maybe we can break the chains that are holding you down

    Because it's you I want to be around

    I'll follow through with all the decisions I have made

    (Break, Break the chain and I'll remain!)

    (Break, Break the chain and I'll remain!)

    (Break, Break the chain and I'll remain!)

    (Break, Break the chain and I'll remain!)


    We've Only Just Begun - The Carpenters (Billy and Brandon Reunite)

    We've only just begun to live

    White lace and promises

    A kiss for luck and we're on our way

    (We've only begun)

    Before the risin' sun, we fly

    So many roads to choose

    We'll start out walkin' and learn to run

    (And yes, we've just begun)

    Sharing horizons that are new to us

    Watching the signs along the way

    Talkin' it over, just the two of us

    Workin' together day to day

    Together

    And when the evening comes, we smile

    So much of life ahead

    We'll find a place where there's room to grow

    (And yes, we've just begun)

    Sharing horizons that are new to us

    Watching the signs along the way

    Talkin' it over, just the two of us

    Workin' together day to day

    Together

    Together

    And when the evening comes, we smile

    So much of life ahead

    We'll find a place where there's room to grow

    And yes, we've just begun


    The One - Elton John (Brandon’s Unshakeable Commitment)

    I saw you dancing out the ocean

    Running fast along the sand

    A spirit born of earth and water

    Fire flying from your hands

    In the instant that you love someone

    In the second that the hammer hits

    Reality runs up your spine

    And the pieces finally fit

    And all I ever needed was The One

    Like freedom fields where wild horses run

    When stars collide like you and I

    No shadows block the sun

    You're all I've ever needed

    Baby you're The One

    There are caravans we follow

    Drunken nights in dark hotels

    When chances breathe between the silence

    Where sex and love no longer gel

    For each man in his time is Cain

    Until he walks along the beach

    And sees his future in the water

    A long lost heart within his reach

    And all I ever needed was The One

    Like freedom fields where wild horses run

    When stars collide like you and I

    No shadows block the sun

    You're all I've ever needed

    Oh Baby you're The One . . .


    Fifteen - Goldroom and Chela (Looking Back On a Special Time In Your Life)

    It's been a long time

    Wondering why

    The summer smells like sin and wonder

    Feels like it's

    Gone inside of

    A place and time I dream about when

    I get to walkin'

    Oh let us always

    The summer sun I can't go back to

    The touch of your skin

    On my skin

    Look away these times are backwards

    I'll let you know we'll look back up in time

    But we were only fifteen

    Fifteen we're floating through the slipstream

    You're with me

    We were only fifteen

    Fifteen just floating through the slipstream

    It's been a long time

    Wondering why

    The summer smells like sin and wonder

    Feels like it's

    Gone inside of

    A place and time I dream about when

    I get to walkin'

    Oh let us always

    The summer sun I can't go back to

    The touch of your skin

    On my skin

    Look away these times are backwards

    I'll let you know we'll look back up in time

    But we were only fifteen

    Fifteen we're floating through the slipstream

    You're with me

    We were only fifteen

    Fifteen just floating through the slipstream


    Kiss Me Like Nobody's Watching! - Simple Plan (Kissin' At The Concert)

    I wanna paint it on every wall

    And shout it out up and down the halls

    I wanna post it in shining lights

    ‘Cause I just can't keep it bottled up inside

    I wanna call up every single person I know

    Write a song and play it on the radio

    Stick a message in a bottle then I'll let it go

    I don't care what people might think

    I got your name in permanent ink

    ‘Cause baby this ship ain't never gonna sink

    So kiss me

    Like nobody's watching

    Yeah people are talkin’

    It doesn't matter what they say

    Just kiss me

    In the middle of the streets

    To let the whole world see

    That there’s nobody else for me

    There’s nobody else for me

    People around us are cynical

    Go ahead and say that we're typical

    True love is dead, well that's a lie

    ‘Cause we'll be together ‘til the end of time

    Now I'm burnin’ up I'm speaking in tongues

    Listen to my heart it's beating like a drum

    I'm screaming your name at the top of my lungs

    I don't care what people might think

    I got your name in permanent ink

    ‘Cause baby this ship ain't never gonna sink

    So kiss me

    Like nobody's watching

    Yeah people are talkin’

    It doesn't matter what they say

    Just kiss me

    In the middle of the streets

    To let the whole world see

    That there’s nobody else for me

    There’s nobody else for me

    I wanna call up every single person I know

    Write a song and play it on the radio

    I don't care what people might think

    I got your name in permanent ink

    ‘Cause baby this ship ain't never gonna sink

    So kiss me

    Like nobody's watching

    Yeah people are talkin’

    It doesn't matter what they say

    Just kiss me

    In the middle of the streets

    To let the whole world see

    That there’s nobody else for me, for me

    There’s nobody else for me, for me

    There’s nobody else for me


    Everything - FM-84, MrM (Billy Means Everything)

    I Was All Alone

    A Complete Unknown

    Hidden Timidly

    In a Library

    Lonely

    Invisibly

    Reluctantly

    Eternally (x)

    Then I felt something

    That got me looking

    Which got me seeing

    And then believing

    By Trusting

    and

    Accepting

    Letting In

    And

    Letting Go

    That by not trying

    And by not looking

    And by not seeking

    I'd find Everything

    I Found Everything (x4)

    I Found

    Everything Everything Everything Everything

    Everything Everything Everything Everything (x2)

    Knowing Nothing

    And

    Everything

    Letting In

    And

    Letting Go

    I could never know

    That with every blow

    I'm bravely taking

    What I'd be gaining

    That by my stressing

    And all my praying

    And all my wanting

    And all my fighting

    I needed nothing

    To help in finding

    That one who's waiting

    That means Everything

    You Mean

    Everything Everything Everything Everything

    Everything Everything Everything Everything

    I Found

    Everything Everything Everything Everything

    Everything Everything Everything Everything

    Never Lose

    Everything Everything Everything Everything

    Everything Everything Everything Everything

    (x)

    Everything Everything Everything Everything

    Everything Everything Everything Everything

    Everything Everything Everything Everything

    Everything Everything Everything Everything . . .


    Half Awake - Porcelain Raft (Coming Over)

    Rushing all the way falling into a hole that brings me to the other side of the world

    should i come over

    since i am half awake

    i look up i put my glasses on here they are giant insects are eating the sand

    should i come over

    i think i am half awake

    people with opinions feel the need to let the public know this is the way it should be done

    i'm falling over

    need to see you again

    figure out a way to compensate a lack of meanings you thought were there but there's a hole instead

    i'm coming over

    i need to see you again

    awaaaaaaaaa a ahaaaaa

    still i'm away now

    aww haaaaaaaa

    i'm away

    ohhhh wooowwoooo ohhhh ohhhh wooowwoooo

    the desire this is still the promises hard to believe one day we will be gone

    let me come over

    need to see you again


    Something About Us - Daft Punk (One Hot Summer Afternoon)

    It might not be the right time

    I might not be the right one

    But there's something about us I want to say

    Cause there's something between us anyway

    I might not be the right one

    It might not be the right time

    But there's something about us I've got to do

    Some kind of secret I will share with you

    I need you more than anything in my life

    I want you more than anything in my life

    I'll miss you more than anyone in my life

    I love you more than anyone in my life


    Do Me, Baby - Prince (Brandon Giving His All)

    Here we are in this big old empty room

    Staring each other down

    You want me just as much as I want you

    Let's stop fooling around

    Take me baby, kiss me all over, play with my love

    Bring out what's been in me for far too long

    Baby, you know that's all I've been dreaming of

    Do me baby, like you never done before

    Ho, ooh give it to me till I just can't take no more

    C'mon, do me baby, like you never done before

    Ho, ooh, I want you now, I just can't wait no more, can't wait, oh

    Hoo, hoo, hoo, oh

    Here we are looking for a reason

    For you to lay me down

    For a love like ours is never out of season

    So baby please stop teasing me

    Ooh, what ya do, I can never love no other

    You're the best I ever had

    Whenever we're not close to one another

    I just want you so bad

    So do me baby (do me baby), like you never done before

    Ooh, give it to me till I just can't take no more

    C'mon, do me baby, like you never done before

    Ooh, I want you now, I just can't wait no more

    I said, ooh

    Ooh, ah

    Ooh, ah

    Ooh

    Do me baby, yeah, do me baby, give it to me

    Oh, oh, oh, oh, do me baby, ooh

    I want you now, ooh, yeah

    Do me baby

    Ooh, give it to me

    Do me baby, do me baby, don't want to do it all alone

    I want your love, yeah

    Do me baby

    Ooh, give it to me

    Oh, yeah, do me baby, this feeling is too strong

    Make me wait too long, I want you now

    Oh, you're leaving me no choice

    Okay, what are you gonna do, you just gonna sit there and watch

    Alright

    Are you sure you don't want to close your eyes?

    Oh

    Well, isn't it supposed to take a long time?

    I'm not gonna stop until the war is over

    Oh, help me

    There

    Okay, okay

    Oh

    I'm so cold, oh, just hold me


    Smalltown Boy - Bronski Beat (. . . and then Billy's Mom walks in.)

    To your soul

    To your soul

    Cry

    Cry

    Cry

    You leave in the morning with everything you own in a little black case

    Alone on a platform, the wind and the rain on a sad and lonely face

    Mother will never understand why you had to leave

    But the answers you seek will never be found at home

    The love that you need will never be found at home

    Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away

    Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away

    Pushed around and kicked around, always a lonely boy

    You were the one that they'd talk about around town as they put you down

    And as hard as they would try they'd hurt to make you cry

    But you never cried to them, just to your soul

    No, you never cried to them, just to your soul

    Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away (crying to your soul)

    Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away (crying to your soul)

    Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away (crying to your soul)

    Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away

    Cry, boy, cry

    Cry, boy, cry

    Cry, boy, cry, boy, cry

    Cry, boy, cry, boy, cry

    Cry, boy, cry, boy, cry

    Cry, boy, cry, boy, cry

    Cry, boy, cry, boy, cry

    Cry, boy, cry, boy, cry

    You leave in the morning with everything you own in a little black case

    Alone on a platform, the wind and the rain on a sad and lonely face

    Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away

    Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away

    Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away

    Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away

    Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away

    Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away


    Tears - FM-84, MrM ('Why Can't She See All My Tears?')

    I don't know what's really happening

    I wish that I did but I just don't

    To me this is really frightening

    It's so true and I wish it wasn't

    Now these tears have just started falling

    I just can't stop and they keep coming

    I can't hold them back though I'm trying

    Can't you see we've just been discovered

    Secrets we tried to keep well covered

    And so these tears come down unhindered

    Discovered

    Uncovered

    Unhindered

    Falling

    Trying

    Failing

    Crying

    Caught, we stand frozen and wondering

    If we freeze she won't go noticing

    How we have been secretly living

    But in her eyes I see us breaking

    Can't she know just what she has ruined

    Has she no heart to see how we loved

    Does she care or is she deluded

    The pain she's caused

    Does she see it?

    Can she see my tears?

    Does she even care

    Does she know better

    And

    Will she tell my father?

    I can't know

    I promise you that I won't go back

    I nearly died for this boy of yours

    I won't fall from this love that you lack

    You won't take what can only be ours

    See through my bitter tears your failure

    What you have done is make a killing

    What you seek to salvage you murder

    I see your heart is near to breaking

    Why

    Can't you

    See my

    Tears? (2X)

    Why won't you see my Tears?

    Why prove my darkest fears?

    You'll leave me crushed for years.

    Open up to my Tears!

    Why won't you see my Tears?

    Why prove my darkest fears?

    You'll leave me crushed for years.

    Open up to my Tears!

    (It's not Over!) (X4)

    You

    Can Stop

    Our

    Tears!

    Love

    Us more

    And quell

    Our fears

    (Believe and Let Us Be) (X)

    Why

    Won't you

    Dry my

    Tears? (X)

    (Believe and Let Us Be) (X)

    Why won't you see my Tears?

    Why prove my darkest fears?

    You'll leave me crushed for years.

    Dry away all my Tears!

    (Believe and Let Us Free) (X)

    Why won't you see my Tears?

    Why prove my darkest fears?

    You'll leave me crushed for years.

    Feel all of my Tears!

    You know it's not over.

    Why prove my darkest fears?

    You'll leave me crushed for years.

    Open up to my Tears!!

    Do you not even care?

    Why won't you see my Tears?

    You'll leave me crushed for years.

    Dry away all my Tears!


    Talk - Coldplay (Talking To Marie)

    Oh sister, I can't, I can't get through

    I've been trying hard to reach you 'cause I don' know what to do

    Oh sister, I can't believe it's true

    I'm so scared about the future, and I wanna talk to you

    Oh, I wanna talk to you

    You can take a picture of something you see

    In the future where will I be?

    You can climb a ladder up to the sun

    Or write a song nobody has sung

    Or do something that's never been done

    Are you lost or incomplete?

    Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?

    Tell me, how do you feel?

    Well, I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak

    And they're talking it to me

    So you take a picture of something you see

    In the future where will I be?

    You can climb a ladder up to the sun

    Or write a song nobody has sung

    Or do something that's never been done

    Or do something that's never been done

    So you don't know where you're going and you wanna talk

    And you feel like you're going where you've been before

    You tell anyone who'll listen, but you feel ignored

    Nothing's really making any sense at all, let's talk

    Let's talk, let's talk, let's talk


    Secret - OMD (Sharing Secrets)

    Secret.

    I've got a secret and I can't explain

    All the time I've waited for this day

    All along I was never in doubt

    I always knew it could never get out

    There are things that I cannot tell

    And there are things that you know damn well

    This is getting very hard for me

    I guess you'd better just wait and see

    Shut up!

    This is all

    This is all

    Secret.

    You heard a message and the message was clear

    All the time you wipe away that tear

    'All I want is to hold your hand

    To see the sun and walk the sand

    You make me sad as you make me glad'

    And now you see all my secret is this love (it's love...)

    My secret is this love

    Everyday you're always there

    You can't fight me

    And make me feel it's worth my while

    And then I look around and you're not there

    And every day you say you can't hang out

    Beware!

    Secret.

    This is all

    This is all

    Secret.

    I got a secret and I can't explain

    .. is this all

    All I want is to hold your hand

    .. is this all

    All along I was never in doubt

    .. is this all

    To see the sun and to walk the sand

    .. is this all Secret

    (fade)

    I got a secret and I can't explain

    All I want is to hold your hand


    Leave Yourself Alone - Porcelain Raft (Brandon Accepting Himself)

    Something about our situation

    Makes me focus on things to come

    And it doesn't matter the direction

    Ask yourself does it have a heart

    You took me aside

    Half the world is losing shape

    You keep dreaming high

    Leave Yourself Alone

    The world is ready to collapse

    Can you run fast enough?

    From where I stand it doesn't look to good now

    But had to go out and play your game

    You took me aside

    If the world is losing shape

    You keep dreaming high

    Leave Yourself Alone

    The world is ready to collapse

    Can you run fast enough?

    Ohhhh Ohhhh

    And I wonder, and I wonder now

    Just keep dreaming high

    And Leave Yourself Alone

    Leave Yourself Alone

    Leave Yourself Alone

    Leave Yourself Alone


    True Colors - Cyndi Lauper (Marie Helps Brandon Spread His Wings)

    You with the sad eyes

    Don't be discouraged, oh I realize

    It's hard to take courage

    In a world full of people

    You can lose sight of it all

    And the darkness all inside you

    Can make you feel so small

    But I see your true colors

    Shining through

    I see your true colors

    And that's why I love you

    So don't be afraid to let them show

    Your true colors

    Your true colors are beautiful

    Like a rainbow

    Show me a Smile then

    Don't be unhappy

    Can't remember when

    I last saw you laughing

    If This world makes you crazy

    And you've taken all you can bear

    Just, call me up

    'Cause I will always be there

    And I see your true colors

    Shining through

    I see your true colors

    And that's why I love you

    So don't be afraid to let them show

    Your true colors

    True colors are beautiful

    Like a rainbow

    Call me up because you know

    I'll be there

    And I'll see your true colors

    Shining through (true colors)

    I see your true colors

    And that's why I love you

    So don't be afraid to let them show

    Your true colors

    True colors are beautiful

    Like a rainbow

    Ooh ooh ooh like a rainbow

    Ooh…


    All In My Head - Porcelain Raft (Slaying Closet Dragons)

    Look ahead, what are you afraid of?

    It's just another day, it's just another day

    It's been so long, I should have called you

    Way before I know, way before I know

    To hear your voice, to know are you alright

    Well I guess I'm not,

    But I've been told

    It's all in my head

    Are you feeling lonesome?

    Are you getting closer now,

    To disappear from anyone you know?

    Nothing to wait for, you can finally understand

    Or you, you could let it go

    Dinosaurs, buried in the ocean

    And how we've found them to be

    On earth before us

    All the things I was never supposed to say

    But I couldn't resist

    Anyway I've been told

    It's all in my head

    Are you feeling lonesome?

    Are you getting closer now

    To disappear from anyone you know

    Nothing to wait for, you can finally understand

    Or you, you could let it go


    Arcade Summer - FM-84, MrM (Precious Visits to Billy's Music Shop)

    Do you remember

    When we were young

    A certain shopping center

    Where we could have so such fun -

    In our

    Arcade Summer!

    In an

    Arcade Summer!

    In our

    Arcade Summer!

    In an

    Arcade Summer!

    We were alive there (In our Arcade Summer)

    We were in love there (In our Arcade Summer)

    Life was so simple there (In an Arcade Summer)

    Love was so perfect there (In an Arcade Summer)

    And the cruel school year was so far away

    And all our best friends would come down to play

    And the Arcade was open every day

    And the Summer of love was here to stay in our

    Arcade Summer!

    In an

    Arcade Summer!

    In our

    Arcade Summer!

    In an

    Arcade Summer!

    We were alive there (In our Arcade Summer)

    We were in love there (In our Arcade Summer)

    Life was so simple there (In an Arcade Summer)

    Love was so perfect there (In an Arcade Summer)

    You were at work

    In the music store

    Being a clerk

    It looked like a bore

    And I thought

    It was passed time

    That I ought

    To give you some Funtime

    And We were so alive there

    And We were so in love there

    And Life was so simple there

    And Our love was so perfect there

    And so there I kissed him then

    And so there Billy smiled then

    And so there he kissed me then

    And so Brandon Smiled again

    In our

    Arcade Summer!

    In an

    Arcade Summer!

    In our

    Arcade Summer!

    In an

    Arcade Summer!

    We were alive there (In our Arcade Summer)

    We were in love there (In our Arcade Summer)

    Life was so simple there (In an Arcade Summer)

    Love was so perfect there (In an Arcade Summer)

    We were alive there (In our Arcade Summer)

    We were in love there (In our Arcade Summer)

    Life was so simple there (In an Arcade Summer)

    Love was so perfect there (In an Arcade Summer)

    Love was so very pure there (In our Arcade Summer)

    The sun still shines bright on

    Our Arcade Summer . . .


    Sexy Boy - Air (Loving The Dream Boy)

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Où sont tes héros

    Au corps d'athlète?

    Où sont tes idoles

    Mal rasés, bien habillés?

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Dans leurs yeux des dollars

    Dans leurs sourires des diamants

    Moi aussi, un jour

    Je serai beau comme un Dieu

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Apollon 2000

    Zéro défauts, vingt-et-un ans

    C'est l'homme idéal

    Charme au masculin

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy

    Sexy boy


    Innamorata Mia - (Mama's Love Song In Billy's Ear)

    Italian ballad that was Brandon's Mom's favorite


    Back To Us - Brothertiger (Stevie's Back)

    When you wake up early in the morning

    When the night turns into day

    I will have no reservation

    I have a lot I want to say

    Do you know? You have to know it.

    If you regret then you can't complain

    As it all hangs in the balance

    I will watch from far away

    Now I can see to China

    On the horizon

    It takes me Back To Us

    Why can't we be on the ride

    I didn't, I didn't forget you

    I won't waste it here tonight

    Don't let it go to my head (1x)

    Oh, it's all just imagination

    Someone tells you that you're going wrong

    I'm getting old from my frustration

    Let's pick this up and move along

    Everything that you do is magic

    That's what they said on the radio

    But, before your life becomes too tragic

    Let's find a better place to go

    Now I can see to China

    On the horizon

    It takes me Back To Us

    Why can't we be on the ride

    I didn't, I didn't forget you

    I won't waste it here tonight

    Don't let it go to my head (X)


    Leave A Light On - Duran Duran (Awkward Devotional)

    So comes the evening

    I'm out on the dunes

    Looking for a token

    Something to prove

    All I remember

    Is more than a flame

    In my fantasy fire

    Whatever I've done to receive

    Whatever I need to redeem

    Whatever you say

    Even if I wait a lifetime

    I know, I swear

    If you leave a light on

    If you leave a light on for me

    I'll come there

    You can leave a light on for me

    In comes the morning

    I'm stood in my track

    Looking at the reasons

    For me to head back

    So unexpected

    The kindness you've shown

    That I will not forget it

    Whatever I've done to receive

    Whatever I need to redeem

    Whatever you say

    Even if I wait a lifetime

    I know, I swear

    If you leave a light on

    If you leave a light on for me

    I'll come there

    You can leave a light on for me

    You breathe the will into the weak

    And coax the caged bird to fly free

    You ease the lost cause out of me

    With your sweet hand to bring me home

    I'm not alone

    I know, I swear

    If you leave a light on

    If you leave a light on for me

    I'll come there

    You can leave a light on for me

    I know, I swear

    If you leave a light on

    If you leave a light on for me

    I'll come there

    You can leave a light on for me


    Watch How You Go - Keane (Stevie Lets Brandon Go A Second Time)

    The more we rush about, the less we do

    I never saw you drift away

    The more we spin around, the less we move

    I never saw your spirit break

    I wish that I could be a journey's end

    But you are only passing through, yeah

    It's not for me to try to steal you away

    I wish you well in all you do

    Just say you'll watch how you go

    Be gracious with your light

    And may the years be kind now

    Just say you'll mind how you roam

    The things that we have shared

    Will soon be left behind now

    I hope you know that you're a graceful soul

    You fill the room with hope and light

    It's only right that you should go your way

    'Cause nothing ever lasts that long

    Just say you'll watch how you go

    Be gracious with your light

    And may the years be kind now

    Just say you'll mind how you roam

    The things that we have shared

    Will soon be left behind now

    Behind now, behind now, behind now

    Just say you'll watch how you go

    Be gracious with your light

    And may the years be kind now

    Just say you'll mind how you roam

    The things that we have shared

    Will soon be left behind now

    Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

    The things that we have shared

    Will still remain behind now


    Condemnation - Depeche Mode (Jimmy LaPlane Strikes Back)

    Condemnation, tried

    Here on the stand

    With the book in my hand

    Truth on my side

    Accusations, lies

    Hand me my sentence

    I'll show no repentance

    I'll suffer with pride

    If for honesty, you want apologies

    I don't sympathize

    For kindness, you substitute blindness

    Please open your eyes

    Condemnation, why?

    Because my duty

    Was always to beauty

    That was my crime

    Feel elation, high

    To know I can trust this

    Fix of injustice

    Time after time

    If you see purity as immaturity

    Well, it's no surprise

    For kindness, you substitute blindness

    Please open your eyes


    Stay Away - Nirvana (Brandon Defending)

    Monkey see, monkey do

    (I don't know why)

    I'd rather be deal than cool

    (I don't know why)

    Every line ends in rhyme

    (I don't know why)

    Less is more, love is blind

    (I don't know why)

    Stay

    Stay away

    Stay away

    Stay away

    Give an inch, take a smile

    (I don't know why)

    Fashion shits, fashion stile

    (I don't know why)

    Throw it out and keep it in

    (I don't know why)

    Have to have poison skin

    (I don't know why)

    Stay

    Stay away

    Stay away

    Stay away

    I don't know why

    I don't know why

    Stay

    Stay away

    Stay away

    Stay away

    Monkey See, monkey do

    (I don't know why)

    I'd rather be deal than cool

    (I don't know why)

    Every line ends in rhyme

    (I don't know why)

    Less is more, love is blind

    (I don't know why)

    Stay

    Stay away

    Stay away

    Stay away

    I don't know why

    I don't know why

    Stay

    Stay away

    Stay away

    Stay away

    Stay

    Stay away

    Stay away

    Stay away

    Stay away

    Stay away

    God is gay


    Cast In Steel - A-Ha (Boys Inseparable)

    Meet me at the turnaround

    Stop your car and look around

    There I will be waiting

    Forget for once how everything

    Fades

    It fades away

    I'll never get over what we said

    It lingers in my head

    I'll always remember what we knew

    One hundred percent to be true

    To be right, to be real

    Set in stone and cast in steel

    Made a pact, eye to eye

    Cross your heart and hope to die

    Can you see the end of things?

    Can you see it happening?

    Feel the ashes on the wind

    Don't you hate how everything

    Falls

    Just falls away?

    I'll never get over what we said

    It lingers in my head

    I'll always remember what we knew

    One hundred percent to be true

    To be right, to be real

    Set in stone and cast in steel

    Made a pact, eye to eye

    Cross your heart and hope to die

    It lingers in my head

    I'll always remember what we knew

    One hundred percent to be true

    Set in stone and cast in steel

    To be right, to be real

    Set in stone and cast in steel


    The Scientist - Glee Cover of Coldplay (Reaffirmations and the Long Road Taken)

    Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

    You don't know how lovely you are

    I had to find you

    Tell you I need you

    Tell you I set you apart

    Tell me your secrets

    And ask me your questions

    Oh, let's go back to the start

    Running in circles

    Coming up tails

    Heads on a science apart

    Nobody said it was easy

    It's such a shame for us to part

    Nobody said it was easy

    No one ever said it would be this hard

    Oh, take me back to the start

    I was just guessing

    At numbers and figures

    Pulling the puzzles apart

    Questions of science

    Science and progress

    Do not speak as loud as my heart

    Tell me you love me

    Come back and haunt me

    Oh, and I rush to the start

    Running in circles

    Chasing our tails

    Coming back as we are

    Nobody said it was easy

    Oh, it's such a shame for us to part

    Nobody said it was easy

    No one ever said it would be so hard

    I'm going back to the start

    Oh Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

    You don't know how lovely you are

    I had to find you

    Tell you I need you

    Tell you I set you apart

    Tell me your secrets

    And ask me your questions

    Oh, let's go back to the start

    Running in circles

    Coming up tails

    Heads on a science apart

    Nobody said it was easy

    It's such a shame for us to part

    Nobody said it was easy

    No one ever said it would be this hard

    Oh, take me back to the start

    I was just guessing

    At numbers and figures

    Pulling the puzzles apart

    Questions of science

    Science and progress

    Do not speak as loud as my heart

    Tell me you love me

    Come back and haunt me

    Oh, and I rush to the start

    Running in circles

    Chasing our tails

    Coming back as we are

    Nobody said it was easy

    Oh, it's such a shame for us to part

    Nobody said it was easy

    No one ever said it would be so hard

    I'm going back to the start

    Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh


    Count On Me - Camouflage (Brandon Devoted)

    Close your eyes I'm calling,

    there is no reason to be mad.

    Here I am to hold you,

    whenever there is something sad.

    I'll catch you as you can see,

    my whole life I'll be there for you.

    No matter it means to me,

    you're my joy,

    believe me boy ...

    I can't hide,

    I can't run,

    from the things whatever I have done,

    but the truth will set me free -

    I can always count on you,

    as you can always count on me ...!

    Hold your breath we're falling,

    don't tell me that it's said and done.

    Spread your wings to save us,

    a guardian with a golden gun.

    I'll catch you as you can see,

    your whole life I'll be there for you,

    no matter it means to me,

    you're my joy,

    believe me boy ...

    I can't hide,

    I can't run,

    from the things whatever I have done,

    but the truth will set me free -

    I can always count on you,

    as you can always count on me ...!

    Hold my hand as we run,

    flying high to reach the sun,

    count on me, as I count on you,

    forever and ever ...


    Insatiable - Darren Hayes (Brandon Can Never Get Enough Of Billy)

    The moonlight plays upon your skin

    A kiss that lingers takes me in

    I fall asleep inside of you

    There are no words

    There's only truth

    Breathe in Breathe out

    There is no sound

    We move together up and down

    We levitate our bodies soar

    Our feet don't even touch the floor

    And nobody knows you like I do

    The world doesn't understand

    But I grow stronger in your hands

    Turn the lights down low

    Take it off

    Let me show

    My love for you

    Insatiable

    Turn me on

    Never stop

    want to taste every drop

    My love for you

    Insatiable

    Turn the lights down low

    Take it off

    Let me show

    My love for you

    Insatiable

    Turn me on

    Never stop

    want to taste every drop

    My love for you

    Insatiable

    We never sleep we're always holdin' hands

    Kissin' for hours talkin' makin' plans

    I feel like a better man

    Just being in the same room

    We never sleep there's just so much to do

    Too much to say

    Can't close my eyes when I'm with you

    Insatiable the way I'm loving you

    Turn the lights down low

    Take it off

    Let me show

    My love for you

    Insatiable

    Turn me on

    Never stop

    want to taste every drop

    My love for you

    Insatiable

    Turn the lights down low

    Take it off

    Let me show

    My love for you

    Insatiable

    Turn me on

    Never stop

    want to taste every drop

    My love for you

    Insatiable

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    Recent Entries

    Hello everyone,

     

    I've had a couple of novels showcased on Gay Authors but find myself in need some more in depth help with the latest one. So I'm looking for Beta Readers and I decided to open the invitation to anyone who wants to join me in this endeavour.

     

    Let me know if you're interest, and I will direct you to the relevant story link.

     

    Thanks in advance,

     

    Brian (Lomax61)

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    Recent Entries

    paul.b
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    [attachment=8506:happy-chinese-new-year-2016-with-a-cute-monkey_23-2147532303.jpg
    Happy New year to all of you who are celebrating Cny

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    Recent Entries

    today was fun and amusing. on this site for a few days, and already making mistakes, lol. ADD and writing always make a fun mix. I have quit a few projects saved on this site already, just not any that were set to be published. talk about amusing and embarrassing when you get an email about something being denied for publishing for whatever reason and not realizing you had clicked to publish rather then save to finish later. at least on the fun side I did actually publish a piece of work that I wanted to rather then just save it. The joys of being technologically declined. On the plus side I have found this site to be full of tons of polite and helpful people. and of course once I become more familiar with this site I will be having a blog that is actually worth reading .... hopefully ....

  17. Thorn Wilde
    Latest Entry

    This is a quick and easy dish suitable for vegans, vegetarians, and days when you just don't feel like eating meat.

     

    For two people you need:

     

    2 ripe avocados
    2 spring onions
    1-2 cloves of garlic
    a handful of walnuts or pine nuts (or both)
    the juice of one lemon
    olive oil
    salt and pepper
    pasta of your choice

     


    1. Toast the nuts. You can do this in a pan or in the oven. I recommend oven for walnuts and pan for pine nuts. In the oven: lay out the nuts on an oven tray, and put them in an oven pre-heated to about 200*C for ten minutes, or until your kitchen starts to smell of nutty goodness. In the pan: use medium-high heat and make sure to stir and shake the pan more or less constantly so the nuts don't burn.

     

    2. Finely chop spring onion and garlic, and fry them together in a bit of olive oil at medium heat.

     

    3. Slice open your avocados, remove the pits and spoon the contents into a bowl. Like my guacamole, if the avocado is ripe enough you can simply mash it with a fork, though you're free to use a food processor if you'd like it smoother. Add lemon juice, a bit of olive oil (a tbs or so) and salt and pepper to taste. Finally, mix in the garlic and spring onions.

     

    4. Cook pasta for two people according to the instructions on the pack. I prefer spaghetti or linguine for this particular dish, but feel free to choose something else if you like.

     

    5. Mix the pasta with the sauce in a large bowl. Chop the nuts (if using walnuts; pine nuts can be used whole) and sprinkle on top.

     

    med_gallery_18409_1170_284009.jpg

     

    If you'd like to make the dish less vegan, serve with grated parmesan or other hard cheese, and if you're deeply opposed to meatless meals, I'm sure some smoked bacon in place of (or addition to) the nuts would be very tasty. ;)

     

    Enjoy!

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    • Living in Vegas, I’ll have to check these out. Vegas has its own unique flair.
    • It was a while ago for me too.. Enjoyed reading them. Im sure no one will be disappointed. 
    • Read the Las Vegas Trilogy and It Stays in Vegas over four years ago, and I recall thoroughly enjoying all four books. I’m a bit fuzzy on the details, so I’m thinking I should read them again...     My advice: give them a good look, I think you’ll like them, too.  
    •   I've never been particularly squeamish about writing sexual scenes. Or sex in general. Didn't really think much about it, to be totally honest. I agonize over everything SURROUNDING the sex, hehehe...like when it happens in the story, and the situation, and the characters' motivation, etc...but the sex itself? To me, it's just another form of dialogue. It progresses the story and the character's shared bond forward in a natural and endearing way. I don't really stress over it too much.   I've had plenty of readers ask me if I'd ever write a 'true' story of a young Comsie in lust. But, to be totally honest...it would probably be pretty boring. LOL! I was a horny young teen, the other boys were horny young teens, we wrestled around or got excited, and it was like, "Wanna have sex?" Then I was like, "Ok!" And...voila. Doesn't make for a great story, does it?   Can't say that my teen 'sexcapades' had the drama and detail of the stuff that I write about. I seriously cherish my virgin experiences, but at the end of the day, it was just...'sex'. Felt GREAT! But, except for keeping it private, my first partners and I didn't see what the big deal was outside of making each other happy. When it was time, and we were in the right mood and the right headspace...we just did it. End of story. Never thought of it as innocent, never thought of it as dirty either. Just sex. Really awesome, emotionally stimulating, sex!  It's why I'm such a romantic to this day, I think.   I don't regret a moment of it. Hahaha! If I had a time machine, I'd do it all over again.  
    • Better to clip porn stories than penises, in my opinion.   I rarely write sex scenes in my stories, because I almost always aim them at middle schoolers. Although there are books on the market (such as Judy Blume's Then Again, Maybe I Won't) written for young teens, that contain sex, those stories are harder to slip past the gatekeepers: the parents, teachers, and librarians. If I do write sex, I put it in stories I plan for older readers to enjoy. However, I know of a few books that "push the boundaries" for younger readers, in terms of what we adults consider to be "sex". These stories are not focused on sex or eroticism, so much as they look at the characters' exploration of their bodies and identities as male or female humans, a phase of "play" or experimentation. A concerned adult reading such a story might see these natural developments as sex, but in the minds of the young story characters (and their readers), they are completely innocent to the sensual thoughts and feelings that are later attached to the private parts at young adulthood. I guess such a story would be better relegated to a site like Nifty, though. And so, I remind myself that a story doesn't need to have sex, or even romance, for that matter, in order to be considered good. In Tim Federle's Nate trilogy, a 13-year-old boy runs away to NYC to participate in a Broadway musical production of E.T. Only until the story reaches towards the end of Book Two is it revealed that Nate might have a romantic interest in his rival for the part of Elliott, a boy named Jordan, when they share a small, quick kiss after a disastrous opening night at the theatre. I think the question of whether or not to write sex entirely depends on what the writer is comfortable with, how it fits the "mood" of the story, and how the target audience might receive it.
    •   Well...I don't know if that definition was the best example of self promotion. Hehehe! I mean, in a very harsh way, I guess it could be looked at as a negative thing. It depends on the author, I suppose. If you feel uncomfortable about doing it, then I can imagine it being awkward and even embarrassing to advertise your own writing. But that's only when you look at it as an extreme.   I would never tell anyone to be an arrogant narcissist about shoving ads in people's faces! LOL! That's an extreme. But that's not the only definition of self promotion. Posting on this board is self promotion. Posting stories on GA or on Nifty is self promotion. Going in for a job interview is self promotion. The first time you ever sent me an email? Self promotion. Feel good about it. It's just a matter of saying, 'this is who I am, this is what I do, and if you like it...feel free to get in touch with me.' That's it. It's not invasive or demanding or even aggressive, really. You put yourself out there (Thus the title), and *IF* people like what they see...you tell them where they can find more. That's it. Done. Ball is in their court, and they can make that choice without being badgered to death about it. Hehehe! It's not like you have to dress up in a clown suit and dance for nickels on the beach while handing out coupons. Just add a link to your site and invite some interaction with the people who appreciate your work. Nothing bad about that.   I know a bunch of writers that are a bit bashful about that sort of thing, but you wrote it, right? You put it in a public place where people can read it. You had to have had, at least, a LITTLE bit of expectation to get a response. Come on, hehehe, admit it. It won't ruin your humble persona to say, "I was kind of hoping people would like what I created and shared with them." What is any form of art without an observing audience? Be proud of what you do. If YOU'RE not excited about your writing, how can you expect other people to be excited about your writing?   Go all out. Why not? This isn't easy work. It's both an art and a skill. As authors, we're passionate about it, and that takes some of the frustration out of actually putting in the countless hours and the tireless effort it takes to write a story from beginning to end. But make no mistake, you worked HARD to get your story to where it is. Come out from behind that stage curtain and get your applause, dude! ((Hugz))
    •  the vast majority of my pages are sitting on hard drives and thumb drives and in clouds. The only besides myself that have seen certain of it that I can actually name are...  I see them in the back. Hi you two. Hehe    So you'll have to take my word for it when I give where I'm at. I struggle with this.    Either it begins very much in medias res... *blink* aren't I fancy today. It means "in the middle of things" or... it begins like someone old-school, like Dickens.     either something's happening when the lights come up and the setting gets explained as we go or you watch the world slowly form in front of in detail before you even see anyone who would be capable of doing something. Like watching a computer game load in the 90s. XD   Either  so little detail it might be too little OR so much a set crew could build it but you've completely lost why you were there in the first place.    I'm still very much looking for the Middle Road.    So be sure to include lane guidance in your comments on my future stories.     
    • It is my bliss that there be sex in my stories. There has been since I rediscovered my passion for writing at 16.    That's one of the only positives of...    Nothing to see there folks. Move along. (Why not just delete the line? I don't know.)   I started reading erotica on Nifty Archives.  At that time of my life books were still exclusively on paper so I couldn't buy any books that I didn't want my parents seeing the covers of. I later acquired a few that I ordered from Barnes and noble that were subtle. "A Strong and Sudden Thaw" comes to mind. (Advent of ebooks I could shop for and read gay fiction invisibly. ^.^ ( it was my Amazon account) *cough*)   *check notes* Ah!    With Nifty it was very much luck of the most recently updated draw. Much was thin plots and lots of sex. (And this predates that Barnes and Noble shopping) but I wanted something more, what I couldn't put my finger on.  ( I have a point I promise)   Some things happen, the seeds of some ideas are sown, a certain Shack gets suggested as somewhere I should go read, more seeds...   I start taking the nuts and bolts (mostly nuts :D) of what people are doing each other on Nifty, tossing it in a bowl with bits and pieces of different anime and TV shows and movies and other books, pour it through the filter that is my voice and onto the page.    Sex, world building, plot, characterization, emotions, and me. And people liked it. People that had actually had sex wanted more of what I was streaming onto the page. (Hehe)   (A vivid imagination, a good vocabulary, a better than expected for your age writing ability, and a romantic idealism, can get you pretty far. XD)    I've grown up, had some sex of my own, even. But, in 15 years, I haven't really changed the formula I found then.    Characters drive the story. Things happen and they think, feel and react to them. Each has a personality, a history, and reasons for what they do and what, and whom, they like.    When sex happens, even if it's just two boys that have needs, but aren't a couple it isn't gratuitous because they've experienced something and it informs everything after. (even if you've only gotten your rocks off, if it's your first time getting your rocks off, you're going to think differently afterward even if you don't realize it)   If I've done my job right, the before during and after, the thoughts and feelings of a sex scene are as inseparable from the story as the bandits and monsters and innocents in danger. If I can "skip" what they say, think and feel in a sex scene without some kind of a " wait, when did they start acting like that with each other,  where did he get that idea,  When did that happen?" moment... it belongs in my scrap bin.    Take my Predators, ch 1 (more soon) skip the steamy bit there, actually cut the entire scene, and you'd have no idea why the people do what they do after.    If you want to tune out the what's getting slowly whatever'd, and what he did to such an such to make him gasp, you'll be alright.     But,  I think what they touch and how they touch it can tell you a lot about a person.    Just don't stop listening to the characters.  They'll tell you everything you need to know.   Umm... *cringes and looks at a sea of faces askance.*  That's how I bring sex into a story. Thanks for listening. 
    • Thank you Kitt, I share that with the boys all the time... we remain Teachable even through mistakes...
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