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    October Classic Author Excerpt: You Meet Your Soulmate in the Strangest Places by TheZot

    By Cia

    Did you catch Monday's blog featuring the ads for The Zot's short story, You Meet Your Soulmate in the Strangest Places? This short story is a romance of a different sort, full of unexpected moments, sweet surprises, a bit of angst (what good romance doesn't have at least a little?) and some hot, hot kissing. Check it out!   I picked this excerpt because it creates a moment of romance, some humor, some of that drama I mention, and you're left with a wait... what? right at the very end. LOL. It's hard to do all that within just a few paragraphs and in one moment of time in a story, but The Zot managed!    To read more, click here. 
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    A.J.
    Latest Entry

    I found this site initially back in 2004. I'd read a story on Nifty and an author said new chapters would first be posted here. I didn't join until 8 years later in 2012. Must have had other things on my mind like college and guys. I was only a member about 4 months before I joined the staff. I've really enjoyed being a staff member and serving in a number of roles the last 4 years. I've met some amazing people, built lifelong friendships, shed many tears at the loss of beloved members, and hopefully helped countless members and authors enjoy their experience here.

     

    Lately I've had a lot less time to spend on the site. I've been trying to get my life back together for years now. As many of you know I struggle with anxiety and depression, which has only gotten worse the last several years. It's far easier for me to sit at home and interact with a website, than to force myself to go out and enjoy life. I decided in November that it was time to step down as an administrator and time to get serious about my future. I gave myself almost two months to make sure that this was the right decision for me, so today I'm announcing publicly that I'm resigning as an administrator.

     

    The other site administrators have been amazingly supportive of my decision. They've seen first hand my struggles over the years and have shown me nothing but love and support. I'm honored to call them friends. I'm not vanishing entirely from the site, but I'll no longer be involved in administration or moderation functions after today.

     

    In closing, I'd like to quote JSmith's resignation letter from a few years ago. I read it again today and one line really stuck out to me: "It's been a great journey, but it's time for me to move on with my life and see what else awaits."

     

    All the best to each of you. It's time for me to see what else is out there.

     

    A.J.

  1. *Posted With Permission*

     

    Happy New Year Everyone

     

    In the later part of 2016 I decided to self-publish my story Help! My Lover’s an Alien. I did a few corrections, and fixed a couple of consistency errors. Then, I added it to Amazon Paperback and Kindle (including KU) and as they wouldn’t let me post it for free I am giving all the money I receive from sales to a charity called Stonewall that supports LGBTQ youths in the UK and abroad. The current total is over £20 raised.

     

    Please note, the story hasn’t been changed or expanded, this is not an ad trying to get you to buy anything.

     

    But, I have a paperback copy of the book to giveaway to a GA member. I wanted to give something back to all the wonderful people on this site.

     

    Here is a bit about the story –

     

    51zA0PD5pUL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

     

    Blurb:

     

    Lor is an Elite Guard for his planet's ambassador, and they’re heading for Earth. He is not looking for his mate, but, when they arrive he finds him. What should he do? How does an alien court a human?

     

    Dillon is a trainer for the military. All he wants is a man to love him for who he is. That's not too much to ask, is it?

     

    Can two men from different species make a lasting relationship work?

     

    **This is a story written for the Goodreads MM Romance Group, Love is an Open Road, DRitC Event**

     

    As Amazon will not allow me to list this book for free all royalties will go to charities that support LBGT causes.

     

    Additional Details.

     

    Paperback: 154 pages

     

    Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (25 Aug. 2016)

     

    Language: English

     

    ISBN-10: 1523448911

     

    ISBN-13: 978-1523448913

     

    Product Dimensions: 15.2 x 1 x 22.9 cm

     

    A special thanks go to:

     

    Cannd – For her wonderfull beta reading

     

    alishead – For her great editing, and for her patience in answering my questionsmost of which usually started with, why?

     

    The Giveaway

     

    All you have to do to be in with a chance of winning a paperback copy of this story is tell me:

     

    What would you do if you met a real alien?

     


    Terms and conditions

     

    Entrants must be over eighteen due to book content.

     

    Only one entry per person.

     

    This competition is open worldwide.

     

    You need to be willing to email me your address for me to send the book. Your details will not be used for any other purpose and will be deleted after receipt of the book is confirmed.

     

    As already stated I have asked for and received permission from the site admin to post this contest.

     

    The contest will end at midnight (GMT) Sunday 8th January 2017 and the winner will be announced on Monday 9th.

     

    Thank you

  2. The previews before Moana included one for Monster Truck. It's a simple premise really--monster trucks, with real monsters in them. B figured if that's all it took to get a movie greenlit, he aught to make a go of it himself. I'm not going to discourage him. If they can make a kids' movie about tentacle monsters getting freaky with 4x4s, then who am I to judge?

     

    But, I should have known how the drive home would go...

     

    "Hey, I have another story idea for you--monster trucks that have real monsters in them. But they're also gay. You may need to work in some kind of hook for your audience. Maybe the drivers are all werewolves, who are also gay."

     

    And if that wasn't bad enough....

     

    "Remember that one weird story you were telling me about where the one guy has a hemipenes?* Well, some trucks have hemis, so...."

     

    So, keep a lookout for my next story, Must Love Trucks, an m/m/t** tale about a cute little twink who struggles with his affections for a hunky truck-driving alpha werewolf and the monster under his hood. Vroom, vroom!

     

    (Still trying to figure out how to work in that hemipenes, though.)

     

    *Yes, there is a m/m shifter erotica in which the bottom has two cocks. Don't ask me how that works.
    **male/male/truck

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    I was in a great relationship for a number of years however it went from good to worse My Ex Saskue I will call him because he likes naruto I do as well. Any way back on topic. I was 16 he was 15 we were both in high school and we didn't notice each other till I told people I was bisexual, a few people know I am How ever to this day my family is the hard part. Any way we met At yughio I'm serious people who read this will think that's funny but ya that's how me and Saskue met Going on we started to hang out and it went from there his foster mom hated me lilatry we hid our relationship from her but she found out and issues arose and it went from there I always told her the truth I tried to be on her good side but he also lied to her about us as well, I guess that what made her not trust me I will never know for she passed away in 2014 I think I could be wrong. Also She refused to believe he was gay at the the time he was bisexual, a few years in to our relationship he then stated that. We lasted four full years then another four in the 11 years we have know each other The first four were fine with ups and downs but the last four just say bitter. I still have feelings for him but not as much as I did back when I was younger we came back into contact after not talking for a year or so - what's weird we have others since then but I recently got ill over the holidays and he cares still for me even though we put each other through hell and I mean that literally from fighting to stealing to blackmail Any way The fact is I still like him he made me feel safe and when others buillied me he stood up for me I haven't asked him since if he still has feelings for me but it's hard when two different personalities crash with each other. Since 2006 I've been in five different relationships and most of them could have turned out different. I want others to know don't take what you have before it's too late. As of 2012 I've been in a relationship based online and i don't know what to do with it. I love the guy I haven't met him but we have talked via Facebook n Skype plus texting as well He lives in the states while I live in Canada I don't know how to deal any more I want to met but money is issue for both of us I don't know any more I'm a guy that falls in love easy and easy to get along with. The reason I feel for Saskue is we had a lot in common isn't that what makes a relationship to work out My point is to those people who fall in love easy make sure you know what you are getting in to and hopefully the right guy

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    I really didn't want to ruin anyone's festivities, so I thought I write it down. Be warned, I'm going to whine a little. Or a lot.

     

    I'm really down today, all 3 kids are sick, I have a sinusitis and can't breathe at all through my nose.
    My daughter (8yo) didn't want the presents she got. They pretend to get the gifts form the Baby Jesus, so I can't say, we would maybe buy something more expensive, but we can't afford it and we don't want to spoil them either.
    Everybody is posting perfect pictures from the perfect family and the perfect dinner. I didn't manage to cook, we ordered all food, even the sweets.
    I got a cool tool set from him, I like it very much. Very ladylike :-P
    _vyrn_271.jpg
    The gift for hubby didn't arrive on time, I had to improvise, I bought him socks. Can you imagine?
    I'm depressed, I mean really, I checked twice that I took my meds, I quess tis the season for having a relapse :-(
    Speaking of seasons:
    a93b624f786f351bd9bca80174554d14.jpg

  3. skinnydragon
    Latest Entry

    First, I’m sorry if I caused any trouble on GA. That was never my intention.

     

    No one wants to read about another person’s illness, so I’ll make this brief.
    Last Tuesday morning I went to our emergency room due to strong abdominal pains. After a scan, the ER doctor told me I have stage 4 pancreatic cancer; it had already spread to my abdomen wall and into my liver. I’m a realist, and there is only one prognosis – which is obvious. It’s just a matter of how long.

     

    The rest of the week was spent in a larger hospital on a ‘medical campus.’ During that time, I was mostly doped up and out of it. Only when I got home did my friends find and old laptop and connect it to our internet.
    I check into the ‘cancer hospital’ of that medical campus on Wednesday morning for a final test and hopefully a realistic appraisal of how much time I have left. It’s the only question that means anything, yet is the one they don’t want to answer. I guess it interferes with their sales pitch or something.

     

    I always thought cancer was something I didn’t have to worry about until I was older, especially this one. But it seems when you’re younger it is more common for it to be discovered in late stages because your body is strong enough to hide any symptoms.

     

    I can only write when I’m in pain. Then I take my knockout drop and fade away. This blog entry was written in Word, over five cycles so I could post it now.

     

    Thanks for all the good wishes sent my way, and thank-you to AC, who takes friendships seriously. OK, that's all I can write right now.

  4. blog-0284976001481449077.jpg

    My name is Valentine Davis. Even though I have been a member of Gay Authors since October I consider myself to be a rookie. I always believed that writing was the hardest part of being an author but actually writing a book isn't really that hard, the editing process is. It's also the most painful. You spend so long working on your baby and helping it grow and develop into this wonderful masterpiece and then people critique it and you go from :*) to :/.

     

    Even though I'm from Indiana (I'm currently living in Columbus, Indiana and I fucking hate it :angry:) I've always felt that California was my real home. My mom and I moved in with my great uncles Brian and Butch (my real name is Brian and I am named after my uncle Brian) San Diego when I was three. My mom went to a community college there. When I was six we moved to Berkeley where she was a student at UC Berkeley. Scientist say that 3-6 is the age range where we develop the most-I could be wrong but if so I don't want to know because I'm a narcissist and don't like to be told I'm wrong-and I spent those years in California. It plays a huge part into who I am.

     

    It was in California at the age of six, that I started to learn how to write. I started writing about Scooby Doo and Dragon Ball Z (I had a crush on Gohan and Piccolo and which there was more fan fiction on them as a couple) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. My mom would edit my stories for me and I would take them to school so happy. And of course it hurt my feelings that no one else gave a shit.

     

    My mom and I moved back to the mid west when I was nine and my life has been a downward spiral since. One of my big dreams is to move back to California, particularly the Bay Area. When I was in the fourth grade I started reading Stephen King and Anne Rice. I once got into an argument with my fifth grade home room teacher for reading Queen of the Damned. She said it had a bad cuss word in the title. I was trying to explain to her that the word Damned in the title wasn't the same thing has cursing at someone when they make you made or taking the Lord's name in vain. I figured surely that she would understand being an English teacher and all, but she wasn't having it. So I'm also a book worm, so sue me. :read:

     

    I recently just published my novel Immortui: Volume 1 through Createspace, an online company through Amazon. For all of you authors on here it is a great company to publish your novel through. You can publish everything for free and do it yourself, even convert it to eBook format for free or you can pay for professional services. I did everything myself including the editing and cover so as you can imagine it's a little on the rough side. I'm hoping some day once I get some money I can make a revised edition.

     

    Have a good evening y'all

     

    Oh and one more thing, you can also find me on Goodreads and Facebook.

  5. HI all.

     

    I figured I would let everyone know I'm still alive and functioning. Just been a bad year.

     

    I have managed to get some stories done. Luckily I did them early. This has been a year of things going boom. My car died. My computer dies. I became a full blown diabetic. I lost 70 pounds. I've been really sick, but I keep going.

     

    I do apologize for not being around. Hopefully things will get better in 2017.

     

    Wishing everyone all the best. Just know I'm thinking of you if not here.

     

    Wayne

  6. blog-0049141001480604487.jpeg

    A fairly effective film about the early days of AIDS from its discovery through the political machinations of its progress through the 1980s.

     

     

    A story every young gay man and woman should know.

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    I apologize in advance for the length.

     

    Those of you old, old timers will remember me. Who could forget me? When I joined GA in 2005, I had been lurking for months and posting as a guest (to think that this site once allowed guests to post in the forum). It took probably a year for me to "out" myself by saying that I was married and had been for almost 9 years. I was apparent to me and everyone I talked to about it that I was miserable. Not just because my sexuality (defined by fundamental desire and not ability to enjoy and perform sexual acts) was inconsistent with my being married to a female (the only legal choice for me at the time), but because my relationship with my wife was, well, crap. As time went on, her behavior toward me got worse (i'm putting a pleasant spin on this for reasons that will become clear) and our relationship fell apart.

     

    The worst part of our relationship occurred when gainful employment lead us to move to Virginia. One day, I realized that it was quicker, easier, and cheaper to buy a hand gun and shoot yourself in the Commonwealth than it was to get counseling for severe depression. Being that I'm not stupid, and didn't really want to die, I took that as a sign that I needed meds and counseling. I got both. With the medicinal support and after talking it over with my counselor, I decided to separate from my wife (not legally, but I could barely stand to be in the same room with her). During the separation, we went to marriage counseling ... oh, I should point out that I still had not told my wife about my sexuality, but with events that had happened years earlier she absolutely knew that I wasn't "completely straight", but hell, she wasn't either. In addition to marriage counseling, her mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. Strange thing, when you know you are dying soon, you start confessing your 'sins' as a way of absolving your soul and clearing your feelings of guilt. Her mother informed her that, as a child, she was diagnosed with what would now be called high functioning autism. At the time, autism and anything that looked vaguely like autism was blamed on the parents, particularly the mother. Out of either shame or arrogant parenting her father focused on forcing her to "act normal" and her mother did everything she could to stay with her and try to teach her how to speak and act "normal".

     

    Funny as it seems, this revelation made all of our communication problems make sense. In counseling we learned to change the way we talked with each other. It was different that the normal changes we had been working on for over a year. Conversations that would end in an argument became less confrontational as I stopped listening to what she was saying and focused on what it seemed she was trying to say. It was like taking active listening to the level of a farce. Ultimately, I decided to get back together. Bottom line, I have always loved her, and I always will. Often having someone smarter than you are provides mental stimulation that is more appealing than sex. Some people here were a bit upset (yet another understatement) that I made this decision. I had been an open book here, and many knew what I was going through.

     

    Shortly after that, another job change occurred and we moved back to sunny California. Two months after moving back to CA I made the biggest mistake a closeted, married gay man can do. I forgot to clean the cache history on the browser after visiting this site. Not only did she see the site, but read enough of my posts to have the obvious, understandable, and not pleasant reaction. Was I brave? ... no, did I stand up for myself and put all the cards on the table? ... no. I simply walled off part of myself. Ultimately, I explained that almost all of what she read was written during the hard times of our separation and that she knew I wasn't "completely straight". Bottom line, I had a choice, GA or my marriage. I chose my marriage. I immediately went into disaster mode and deleted my entire blog and had the one anthology story I had written removed from the system. I changed my name and the password to this account as well as my login email account. I chose passwords that could only be described as strong by current standards, ones that I could not remember. I put the login info into a file and used the strongest encryption algorithm I could find to seal them away with a password I would remember. I won't burn a bridge, but I will wall off the entrance quite well.

     

    Bottom line we worked it out. Yes, I would lurk here on occasion to read a few stories (I hope you get back to writing soon Mark), but for the most part, I moved on. From what we eventually learned was reactions to two different medications she was on, she ended up in ICU on at least 5 different occasions over a 5 year period ending about a year ago. She had multiple organ failure and 3 of those times involved sepsis. Two of the times she ended up on a ventilator for over a week. Once we identified the culprits (took a couple of years between them) with the help of some very dedicated doctors, the problems simply disappeared. In addition, her thinking had improved and she was coming back physically. After years of what I can only describe as constant fear (again, an understatement), we had hope and were planning on what to do with ourselves now that the medical stuff seemed mostly in the past. The years of medical hell had seen the birth of 3 granddaughters.

     

    4 weeks ago she came to bed and 10 minutes later she woke up screaming and threw herself out of bed, curled up on the floor and said that her head hurt. She started vomiting and used those fateful words "I have the worst headache I have ever had". I called 911, I'd done it before. By the time the paramedics arrived, she had almost lost consciousness. Sadly, I had seen this before (other than the headache part), I had thought we were past this. Since I knew I would be gone for at least half the day, I walked the dog and then went to the ER. When I got there, the most awesome ER doctor I have ever met was treating her. He wanted to get a CT scan on her as soon as possible. As I have done in the past, I counted her pain medication before I left for the hospital, she hadn't taken any extra. I did, however, explain to the doctor her medical history and informed him that I always count her meds before coming to the ER. He was actually relieved that she had been intubated before because she wasn't stable to transport to the CT scan, he was afraid she would crash in the elevator. As he was putting in the orders for intubation she stated vomiting and began aspirating (again, not the first time). I have never seen the staff of an emergency room respond as fast as they did, except on TV. I quickly got my ass out of the curtain area and seated near the nursing station where I could watch, again, not my first rodeo. I knew she was in good hands and I was just upset that this was happening again with the full knowledge that all would probably be fine in the end.

     

    The intubation went as well as could be expected and the xray showed proper placement. The problem was she wasn't oxygenating properly, her pulse was extremely high, and her blood pressure was, well, lets just say I had never heard of blood pressure being that high. While the doctor was concerned about the pulse and BP, he was more concerned about oxygenation. A quick blood gas showed she had too much carbon dioxide in her blood. Once they fixed that, her oxygenation was fine. As the doctor told me he expected, her BP and pulse started to fall. He sent her off for her CT scan and I went to get some food. The whole thing took 6 hours and it was morning and I needed food and coffee.

     

    I had just finished my breakfast when I got a call from the doctor to come back to the ER. She had a massive cerebral hemorrhage, and the neurosurgeon had examined her, but she had "no signs of neurologic function". They couldn't tell me she was brain dead because that is a medical/legal diagnosis that requires much more formal examination and testing than they had done. What is simply meant is that the was no medical justification to perform emergency brain surgery because there was no sign that her brain was alive. Mark Arbour once called me a "fucking Vulcan". I'm a physicist because that is how my brain works. As I was processing what I was hearing, the doctor brought up the films of the current CT scan and one from 18 months ago. He showed me the comparison slice by slice of her current scan and the old one. All I can say is that having your skull fill with blood from a bleeding vessel does more obvious damage to one's brain than you can image. At that point I didn't need the medical/legal confirmation, I understood. She was dead.

     

    The rest of the story is just me falling apart, agreeing to organ donation and hopefully she can save 4 other lives. The typical phone calls, cremation, Celebration of Life get together. More falling apart ...

     

    Bottom line, promises I made no longer matter. GA was always a safe place to be, however my fucked up mind wanted to be. Although many of the people I know are gone, there are new people to take their place. The new people are, I'm sure, no less fun or supportive than the old ones. To the old ones who are still here ... I'm not quite the same as I was, and I never will be. I still don't know if I am honorable or an asshole, if I am giving or selfish, probably all of them, and more. All I know is that right now, it still hurts. I ignore it when it lets me, I wade through it and experience it when it wants me to. I'm not trying to direct my path through grief, but I'm not avoiding it either. In the end, I don't think you ever understand what love is until it is take away with no warning and nobody to blame.

     

    Snow Dog
    Dr. Mr. Snow Dog
    Snowy
    Snoop
    whatever else people have called me

     

    P.S. I have been given permission by the appropriate authorities to have my deleted Anthology story republished as part of the special anthology. The sad part is, that it was written during the bad time of my marriage and I don't paint my wife in the best light (again, an understatement)

     

    P.P.S. How fucking shameless to promote an Anthology story in a posting where you talk about your wife dying ...

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    0rYrWli.jpg




    Various Artists with textures by Brian Eno and the main theme by Samuel Barber


    ~~~~~~~~~~~

    1. Adagio For Strings - Samuel Barber (Main Theme)
    2. Under Stars II – Brian Eno (Drifting through the Spirit World)
    3. In A Lifetime – Clannad (The Residual Haunting)
    4. Childhood – Michael Jackson (Christopher’s Lament)
    5. The Secret Place – Brian Eno (Horror in the Haunted Alley)
    6. The Bridge of Tears – Clannad (Christopher Meets Simon)
    7. Is There A Ghost? – Band of Horses (Father Malachi and the Little Boy Lost)
    8. Matta – Brian Eno (The Umbereth)
    9. To Wish For Impossible Things – The Cure (Christopher’s Haunting Moan)
    10. Wax and Wane – Cocteau Twins (The Book of the Damned)
    11. Signals – Brian Eno (Going to Church)
    12. Plainsong – The Cure (Fear of Angels)
    13. Ghosts – Japan (Existential Crisis of a Ghost)
    14. Hawks Do Not Share – The Devils (The Bloodstain)
    15. The Twilight Garden – The Cure (Daydreams of Heaven)
    16. At Night – The Cure (Detective Cummings and The Night Of…)
    17. 2 Late – The Cure (Simon’s Fateful Decision)
    18. One Hundred Years – The Cure (Spirit War)
    19. Tomorrow, Wendy – Concrete Blonde (Lies and then Someone You Love Dies)
    20. Cold – The Cure (The Darkening of Christopher)
    21. Under Stars II - Icebreaker (The Angel of Death)
    22. In Our Angelhood – Cocteau Twins (Earning Your Wings)
    23. A Chain of Flowers – The Cure (Father Malachi Grieves)
    24. My Tears Are Becoming A Sea – M38 (A Guardian’s Work)
    25. The Funeral Party – Jesu (Requiem for the Beloved)
    26. The Ghost In You – Psychedelic Furs (Lovers in Spirit)
    27. To The Sky – The Cure (Going Into The Light)
    28. Agnus Dei (A choral refrain for Barber’s Adagio) – David Hill and the Westminster Choir (The Final Adagio)


    ~~~~~~~

    1. Adagio For Strings - Samuel Barber (Main Theme)
    ~~~
    Sorowful Overture
    ~~~

    2. Under Stars II – Brian Eno (Drifting through the Spirit World)
    ~~~
    Mysterious Ambient Texture and refrain for the mystery of the Spirit World
    ~~~

    3. In A Lifetime – Clannad (The Residual Haunting)
    ~~~
    Hard to tell
    Or recognize a sign
    To see me through
    A warning sign
    First the thunder
    Satisfied, if the past it will not lie
    Then the storm
    Torn asunder
    The future you and I get blown away
    In the storm

    In a lifetime

    And as the rain it falls
    Begin again, as the storm breaks through
    Heavy in my heart
    Believe the light in you
    So the light shines in you
    Without color, faded and worn
    Torn asunder in the storm
    Unless the sound has faded from your soul
    Unless it disappears
    First the thunder
    Selfish storm
    Then the storm
    Hold on the inside
    Torn asunder
    One life
    In the storm

    In a lifetime
    In a lifetime
    ~~~

    4. Childhood – Michael Jackson (Christopher’s Lament)
    ~~~
    Have you seen my Childhood?

    I'm searching for the world that I come from
    'Cause I've been looking around
    In the lost and found of my heart
    No one understands me
    They view it as such strange eccentricities
    'Cause I keep kidding around
    Like a child, but pardon me
    People say I'm not okay
    'Cause I love such elementary things
    It's been my fate to compensate,
    For the Childhood
    I've never known

    Have you seen my Childhood?

    I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
    Like pirates in adventurous dreams,
    Of conquest and kings on the throne
    Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
    Look within your heart then ask,

    Have you seen my Childhood?

    People say I'm strange that way
    'Cause I love such elementary things,
    It's been my fate to compensate,
    For the Childhood I've never known

    Have you seen my Childhood?

    I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
    Like fantastical stories to share
    The dreams I would dare, watch me fly
    Before you judge me, try hard to love me
    The painful youth I've had

    Have you seen my Childhood?
    ~~~

    5. The Secret Place – Brian Eno (Horror in the Haunted Alley)
    ~~~
    Dark and chilling Ambient Texture
    ~~~

    6. The Bridge of Tears – Clannad (Christopher Meets Simon)
    ~~~
    Lyrics
    The mist has cleared from Muckish Hill
    Our parting coming nearer
    The last embrace, the final touch
    With nothing more to say
    Nothing more to say

    As silence fell around the bridge
    Not a single word was spoken
    A bitter breeze, a lonely stream
    Echoed through the Glen
    Echoed through the Glen

    Droichead na ndeor
    Agus droichead na gcaointe
    Droichead na gcaointe
    Agus droichead na ndeor

    Memories fade with passing age
    In forlorn hope we wait for
    Distant hills still haunt us now
    Until the end of time
    Until the end of time

    Droichead na ndeor
    Agus droichead na gcaointe
    Droichead na gcaointe
    Agus droichead na ndeor

    Droichead na ndeor
    Agus droichead na gcaointe
    Droichead na gcaointe
    Agus droichead na ndeor
    ~~~

    7. Is There A Ghost? – Band of Horses (Father Malachi and the Little Boy Lost)
    ~~~
    I could sleep
    I could sleep
    I could sleep
    I could sleep

    When I lived alone
    Is there a ghost in my house?

    I could sleep
    I could sleep
    I could sleep
    I could sleep

    When I lived alone
    Is there a ghost in my house?
    When I lived alone
    Is there a ghost in my house?

    My house

    I could sleep
    I could sleep
    I could sleep
    I could sleep

    When I lived alone
    Is there a ghost in my house?
    When I lived alone
    Is there a ghost in my house?
    My house

    I could sleep
    I could sleep
    I could sleep
    I could sleep

    When I lived alone
    Is there a ghost in my house?
    When I lived alone
    Is there a ghost in my house?

    My house
    ~~~

    8. Matta – Brian Eno (The Umbereth)
    ~~~
    Frighteningly dark ambient texture
    ~~~

    9. To Wish For Impossible Things – The Cure (Christopher’s Haunting Moan)
    ~~~
    Remember how it used to be
    When the sun would fill up the sky
    Remember how we used to feel
    Those days would never end
    Those days would never end
    Remember how it used to be
    When the stars would fill the sky
    Remember how we used to dream
    Those nights would never end
    Those nights would never end

    It was the sweetness of your skin
    It was the hope of all we might have been
    That fills me with the hope to wish
    Impossible things

    But now the sun shines cold
    And all the sky is grey
    The stars are dimmed by clouds and tears
    And all I wish
    Is gone away
    All I wish
    Is gone away

    All I wish
    Is gone away
    ~~~

    10. Wax and Wane – Cocteau Twins (The Book of the Damned)
    ~~~
    Carrying prose
    Broke my real friend
    The devil bites dirty, we wax and we wane

    The devil bites dirty, we wax and wane

    Licking our wounds
    The devil bites dirty
    Reckoning we'll taste
    We wax and we wane

    The devil bite's dirty, we wax and wane

    Caring is a bury gin shot
    The devil bites dirty
    Up to the wee wanes

    Oh, we laugh in their faces

    The devil bites dirty, we wax and wane
    ~~~

    11. Signals – Brian Eno (Going to Church)
    ~~~
    Ominous but slightly inspiring ambient texture
    ~~~

    12. Plainsong – The Cure (Fear of Angels)
    ~~~
    "i think it's dark and it looks like rain" you said
    "and the wind is blowing like it's the end of the
    world" you said "and it's so cold it's like the
    cold if you were dead" and then you smiled for
    a second.

    "i think i'm old and i'm in pain" you said
    "and it's all running out like it's the end of the
    world" you said "and it's so cold it's like the
    cold if you were dead" and then you smiled for
    a second

    sometimes you make me feel like i'm living at
    the edge of the world like i'm living at the edge
    of the world "it's just the way i smile" you said
    ~~~

    13. Ghosts – Japan (Existential Crisis of a Ghost)
    ~~~
    When the room is quiet
    The daylight almost gone
    It seems there's something I should know
    Well I ought to leave but the rain it never stops
    And I've no particular place to go

    Just when I think I'm winning
    When I've broken every door
    The ghosts of my life blow wilder than before

    Just when I thought I could not be stopped
    When my chance came to be king
    The ghosts of my life blew wilder than the wind

    Well I'm feeling nervous
    Now I find myself alone
    The simple life's no longer there
    Once I was so sure
    Now the doubt inside my mind
    Comes and goes but leads nowhere

    Just when I think I'm winning
    When I've broken every door
    The ghosts of my life blow wilder than before

    Just when I thought I could not be stopped
    When my chance came to be king
    The ghosts of my life blew wilder than the wind
    ~~~

    14. Hawks Do Not Share – The Devils (The Bloodstain)
    ~~~
    Dark eyes you've got new clothes
    Please stay with me I love you
    You are a dream believe me
    We cut our hair
    We go to bed
    Sleep scented head

    Now we know our promises were true & we know a burden has been shared

    But Hawks don't share they gather in
    Hawks don't share
    Hawks don't share they gather in
    Hawks don't share
    Hawks don't share

    No history to forget
    Not fame & fortune to regret
    We tried so hard to find the truth
    Don't leave me here

    Then I see your hands outstretched to me & I know the role I played was false

    But Hawks don't share they gather in
    Hawks don't share
    Hawks don't share they gather in
    Hawks don't share
    Hawks don't share they gather in
    Hawks don't share
    Hawks don't share

    Dark eyes you've got new clothes
    Clothes Clothes
    Clothes Clothes
    Clothes Clothes
    Clothes Clothes
    ~~~

    15. The Twilight Garden – The Cure (Daydreams of Heaven)
    ~~~
    I lift my lips from kissing you
    To kiss the sky
    Cloud soft and blue
    And slow the sun melts down
    Into your golden words for me

    I lift my hands from touching you
    To touch the wind that whispers through
    This twilight garden
    Turns into a world
    Where dreams are real

    No-one will ever take your place
    I am lost in you
    No-one will ever take your place
    So in love with you

    I lift my eyes from watching you
    To watch the star rise shine onto
    Your dreaming face and dreaming smile
    You're dreaming worlds for me

    I lift my lips from kissing you
    And kiss the sky wide deepest blue
    And slow the moon swims up
    Into your golden words for me

    No-one will ever take your place
    I am lost in you
    No-one will ever take your place
    So in love with you
    ~~~

    16. At Night – The Cure (Detective Cummings and The Night Of…)
    ~~~
    Sunk deep in the night
    I sink in the night
    Standing alone underneath the sky
    I feel the chill of ice
    On my face
    I watch the hours go by
    The hours go by
    You sleep
    Sleep in a safe bed
    Curled and protected
    Protected from sight
    Under a safe roof
    Deep in your house
    Unaware of the changes at night

    At night
    I hear the darkness breathe
    I sense the quiet despair
    Listen to the silence
    At night
    Someone has to be there
    Someone has to be there

    Someone must be there
    ~~~

    17. 2 Late – The Cure (Simon’s Fateful Decision)
    ~~~
    So I'll wait for you
    Where I always wait
    Behind the signs that sell the news
    I'll watch for you like yesterday

    And hope for you
    One day that once
    Spent out on me
    And up 'til late
    I search for you

    Your hat pushed straight
    Away from me
    Your measured step
    Heads up you win
    Always too late

    If I could just once catch your eye
    Invisible against the words
    That hold you down in solitude
    And never let you go
    ~~~

    18. One Hundred Years – The Cure (Spirit War)
    ~~~
    It doesn't matter if we all die
    Ambition in the back of a black car
    In a high building there is so much to do
    Going home time
    A story on the radio
    Something small falls out of your mouth
    And we laugh
    A prayer for something better
    A prayer
    For something better

    Please love me
    Meet my mother
    But the fear takes hold
    Creeping up the stairs in the dark

    Waiting for the death blow
    Waiting for the death blow
    Waiting for the death blow
    Stroking your hair as the patriots are shot
    Fighting for freedom on the television
    Sharing the world with slaughtered pigs
    Have we got everything?
    She struggles to get away

    The pain
    And the creeping feeling
    A little black haired girl
    Waiting for Saturday
    The death of her father pushing her
    Pushing her white face into the mirror
    Aching inside me
    And turn me round
    Just like the old days
    Just like the old days
    Just like the old days
    Just like the old days

    Caressing an old man
    And painting a lifeless face
    Just a piece of new meat in a clean room
    The soldiers close in under a yellow moon
    All shadows and deliverance
    Under a black flag
    A hundred years of blood
    Crimson
    The ribbon tightens round my throat
    I open my mouth
    And my head bursts open
    A sound like a tiger thrashing in the water
    Thrashing in the water
    Over and over
    We die one after the other
    Over and over
    We die one after the other
    One after the other
    One after the other
    One after the other
    One after the other

    It feels like a hundred years
    A hundred years
    A hundred years
    A hundred years
    A hundred years
    One hundred years
    ~~~

    19. Tomorrow, Wendy – Concrete Blonde (Lies and then Someone You Love Dies)
    ~~~
    Lyrics
    It is complete, now
    Two ends of time are neatly tied
    A one-way street
    She's walking to end of the line
    And there she meets
    The faces she keeps in her heart and mind

    They say, "Goodbye"
    Tomorrow, Wendy you're going to die
    Tomorrow, Wendy you're going to die

    Underneath the chilly gray November sky
    We can make believe that Kennedy is still alive
    And we're shooting for the moon
    And smiling Jack is driving by

    And they say, "Good try"
    Tomorrow, Wendy you're going to die
    Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die

    I told the priest
    Don't count on any second coming
    God got his ass kicked
    The first time he came down here slumming
    He had the balls to come
    The gall to die and then forgive us
    No, I don't wonder why
    I wonder what he thought it would get us
    Hey, hey, goodbye
    Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die

    Hey, hey, good bye
    Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
    Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die

    Only God says, "Jump"
    So I set the time
    'Cause if he ever saw her
    It was through these eyes of mine
    And if he ever suffered
    It was me who did his crying

    Hey, hey, goodbye
    Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
    (Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die)
    Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
    (Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die)
    Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die

    Hey, hey, goodbye
    Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die

    Hey, hey, goodbye
    Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
    Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
    Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
    ~~~

    20. Cold – The Cure (The Darkening of Christopher)
    ~~~
    Scarred
    Your back was turned
    Curled like an embryo
    Take another face
    You will be kissed again
    I was cold as I mouthed the words
    And crawled across the mirror
    I wait
    Await the next breath
    Your name
    Like ice into my heart

    A shallow grave
    A monument to the ruined age
    Ice in my eyes
    And eyes like ice don't move
    Screaming at the moon
    Another past time
    Your name
    Like ice into my heart

    Everything as cold as life
    Can no one save you?
    Everything
    As cold as silence
    And you never say a word

    Your name
    Like ice into my heart
    Your name
    Like ice into my heart
    ~~~

    21. Under Stars II - Icebreaker (The Angel of Death)
    ~~~
    Master Refrain for the mystery of the Spirit World

    22. In Our Angelhood – Cocteau Twins (Earning Your Wings)
    ~~~
    He's gonna chalk you out
    In his angelhood

    He's got the love, let- let us
    Like he said he would, like he said he would
    He's gonna chalk you out
    In his angelhood

    Please stand alone and let us
    Like he said he would, like he said he would
    Like he said he would
    Like he said he would (5x)
    Like he said, the angelfish
    In our angelhood

    Now our heart's on the edge
    Like you said they would, like you said they would
    We're truly angelfish
    In our angelhood

    Now our heart's on the edge
    Like you said they would, like you said they would
    Like you said they would
    In our angelhood (3x)

    Judging you, angelhood, judging you
    In our angelhood (3x)

    Judging you, angelhood, trust in him
    In our angelhood (3x)

    Judging you, angelhood, judging him
    In our angelhood (3x)
    ~~~

    23. A Chain of Flowers – The Cure (Father Malachi Grieves)
    ~~~
    Please wake up
    It's so dark and cold
    Please wake up
    I feel so alone

    And I feel so scared
    That you're going away
    And I feel so scared

    All I want is summer
    Stories from before
    Just like the time you tried to hide
    Behind the churchyard wall
    And fell asleep before I came
    And found you in a chain of flowers

    Sleeping like a marble boy
    Sleeping in another world

    I'll never tell you of all the different ways
    Of all the different ways

    You made me so afraid
    You made me so afraid
    Afraid...

    Please wake up
    It's so dark and cold
    Please wake up
    I feel so alone

    And I feel so scared
    That you're going away
    And I feel so scared

    I'll never tell you of all the different ways
    Of all the different ways

    You made me so afraid
    ~~~

    24. My Tears Are Becoming A Sea – M38 (A Guardian’s Work)
    ~~~
    I'm slowly drifting to you
    The stars and the planets
    Are calling me
    A billion years away from you
    I'm on my way
    I'm On...
    I'm On...
    ~~~

    25. The Funeral Party – Jesu (Requiem for the Beloved)
    ~~~
    Two pale figures
    Ache in silence
    Timeless
    In the quiet ground
    Side by side
    In age and sadness

    I watched
    And acted wordlessly
    As piece by piece
    You performed your story
    Moving through an unknown past

    Dancing at the funeral party

    Memories of children's dreams
    Lie lifeless
    Fading
    Lifeless
    Hand in hand with fear and shadows
    Crying at the funeral party

    I heard a song
    And turned away
    As piece by piece
    You performed your story
    Noiselessly across the floor
    Dancing at the funeral party
    ~~~

    26. The Ghost In You – Psychedelic Furs (Lovers in Spirit)
    ~~~
    A man in my shoes runs a light
    And all the papers lied tonight
    But falling over you
    Is the news of the day

    Angels fall like rain
    And love is all of Heaven away

    Inside you the time moves
    And he won't fade
    The ghost in you
    He don't fade
    Inside you the time moves
    And he won't fade

    A race is on, I'm on your side
    And hearing you my engines die
    I'm in a mood for you
    For running away

    Stars come down in you
    And love, you can't give it away

    Inside you the time moves
    And he won't fade
    The ghost in you
    He won't fade
    Inside you the time moves
    And he don't fade

    Don't you go
    It makes no sense
    When all your talking supermen
    Just take away the time
    And get in the way

    Ain't it just like rain
    And love, is only heaven away

    Inside you the time moves
    And he won't fade
    The ghost in you
    He don't fade
    Inside you the time moves
    And he won't fade
    ~~~

    27. To The Sky – The Cure (Going Into The Light)
    ~~~
    One perfect morning
    I was all alone
    Listening to
    The blaze of summer

    Drifting, I was falling
    I was floating in a golden haze
    Breathing in the sky blue sounds
    Of memories of other days

    And in my dreams I was a child
    Flowers in my mouth and in my eyes
    And I was floating through the colors of a sky
    Up to the stars and angels

    Up, up, up to Heaven
    Up, up, up forever
    Up, up, up to Heaven
    Up, up, up forever

    Turning in my climb
    I looked down on a lake
    Traced upon the water
    There I saw your face

    Sang in recollection
    Of the times we shared
    Then pushed on ever upward
    To the sky

    And in my dreams I was a child
    Flowers in my mouth and in my eyes
    And I was floating through the colors of a sky
    Up to the stars and angels
    ~~~

    28. Agnus Dei (A choral refrain for Barber’s Adagio) – David Hill and the Westminster Choir (The Final Adagio)
    ~~~
    The choir singing at the requiem mass for Simon and Christopher

    Agnus dei
    Qui tollis peccata mundi
    Miserere nobis
    Agnus dei
    Qui tollis peccata mundi
    Miserere nobis
    Agnus dei
    Qui tollis peccata mundi
    Dona nobis pacem
    ~~~

    ~~~~~~~

     

    2vrvxD6.jpg

     

    Chris Rhodes


    In Life
  7. blog-0491558001474801641.jpg

    As a newly minted apprentice poet, welcome to the tools of my trade and no prizes for guessing which gets the most use ... :rolleyes: Anyway, here is another selection of verse with music as the theme.

     

    My continuing thanks to Parker Owens for his support and encouragement. All comments, crits and compliments are welcome.

     

    Ancient
    Borrowed, mortared
    Timelessly rememb'ring
    Conjuring forth darkness, tallows
    Silent
    Singing
    Faith-shrouded shapes
    Uninvited phantoms
    Wend down bowed midnight stair into
    My mind

     

    ~

     

    Nervous
    Adrenalin
    Alert heart pounds, mouth dries
    Focussed blood pumps, muscles flex, just
    For play

     

    ~

     

    Burnished
    Pulsing tendrils
    Swirl, coiling, massing in
    Shadowed, columned spaces until
    Metalled
    Dark clouds
    Cumulating
    Release their sonorous
    Load, felt deep within, almost
    Unheard

  8. In my last blog, I wrote about witnessing a young girl commit suicide in front of me by jumping in front of a train. I knew it affected me, but it did more damage than I thought. There are days when I don't dream about it, and those are the good days. I need to go back a few years to explain why my depression came on so slowly that I didn't realize I was depressed.

     

    I had thyroid cancer almost ten years ago, which led to me having a complete thyroidectomy. I have to take a pill for the rest of my life, which acts as a replacement for my missing thyroid, or my body does crazy things. With this said, about a week after witnessing this young woman's death, I missed the occasional dose. Those occasional doses became a week or two here and there to me missing almost eight straight months. The decline in my brain was so gradual that I hadn't realize I lost interest in everything I loved like cooking, working out, and writing (to an extent). My own family didn't pick up on it! Then last summer happened. I didn't bathe or brush my teeth for the longest time. I can count on one hand the times I left the house to do anything recreational. I didn't even go to an amusement park pretending I had no money. It wasn't until I had to return to my seasonal job at a sports venue did I even leave the house on a regular basis.

     

    Over the course of me being off my meds, I experienced excruciating pain in my hands and toes. I stayed in bed all day, gained weight, lost hair, and my teeth weakened, yet, I still didn't put the pieces together. Then one day this past February while at work, I experienced a weird coldness creep through my body and I could barely hold anything. I went to the EMT's on duty and had them check me out. Upon not being able to get an accurate read on my BP, they urged me to go to the hospital.

     

    I agreed. It was at the hospital I learned that my BP was dangerously low and my TSH (thyroid-stimulating hormone) level was the lowest any health professional had ever seen. Upon asking me further questions, I explained about the suicide I'd witnessed, and how it affected me and my head space to take my pills every day.

     

    After talking to someone they helped me see my depression was mainly due to me going off my meds, and not the young woman. I do feel better having been back on my meds steadily now for seven months! I still have my days but they're not as frequent as they had been.

     

    I still wrote during my hazy head time. Looking back on what I wrote, I know for certain my head was wonky because not everything made sense. I've corrected them and hope to get back to writing on a daily basis, and update the chapters I have here on GA.

     

    Sorry if this rambled on and doesn't make sense, I'm still working out the kinks.

     

    Thank you! That is all! :*)

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    As I doze out of bed still unaware of the time. I take a look at my alarm only to discover that it is 7:45 AM.
    "Shit" I said to myself.
    Swiftly change my pj to my student uniform.
    No time to shower I thought. Dashing down the stair like a wild stallion try to step up my pace with a bread in my mouth (

    ) . I turn the doorknob and open the door only to discover that today is not a normal day .........
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    M. H. Sebastian's works are already selling all over the world including Canada, UK, France, Australia & Japan as well as such obscure places as the United Arab Emirates and South Africa. With three novels already released, you can view the works and planned future novels at www.mhsebastian.com. The website has a purchase page, pages for each novel's preface, author bio, reviews and a contact link that goes directly to the author. Should any member of "Gay Author's" like a complimentary copy of the first novel "BARSTOWE ~ A life with Aaron" simply make that request via the www.mhsebastian.com website and an electronic PDF copy will be email to you.

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    The Seashell:

    ~~~~~~~~~~

     

    From the Brothertiger album 'Out of Touch' and 'The Pearl' by Brian Eno and Harold Bud.

     

    1. The Pearl (The Cove)

    2. Fall Apart (The Love Song of a Sea God)

    3. Engulfed (Under the Wine Dark Sea)

    4. A Stream With Bright Fish (Neptune and the Wonders of the Deep)

    5. Upon Viridian Waters (The Rapture of Alexis)

    6. Dark Eyed Sister (Aphrodite's Curse)

    7. High Tide (To Lose and to Be Lost)

    8. Beyond The Infinite (Eros' Counsel)

    9. Lost In The Humming Air (Upon The Winds of Zephyrus)

    10. Out Of Touch (Searching The Horizon)

    11. Wake (Swept Out to Sea)

    12. Drift (Guided by the Nereids)

    13. Their Memories (Nerites and Alexis Touch Through Morpheus)

    14. Jungle Floor (The Island of Pan)

    15. Against The Sky (The Divine Discussion)

    16. Grenada (Nerites' Choices)

    17. Let Me See - Clannad (Alexis' Prayer)

    18. Angel of the Sirens - Cinnamon Chasers (The Calling of the Seashell)

    19. Locust Point (Alexis' Eyes Are Opened)

    20. Still Return (The Blessings of Faith)

    20. Song To The Siren - The Celtic Angels (The Sea and the Longing)

     

    Lyrics

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     

    The Pearl (The Cove)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Instrumental

    ***

     

    Fall Apart (The Love Song of a Sea God)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    You, you came into this life

    To see what you could find

    You took me for a friend

    Afraid, I know you feel this way

    But I can’t seem to take

    Your mind away from it

     

    And I know that these things will fall apart

    I’m growing from the very start

    I finally see the place

    Where you and I will make our final mark

    Upon our interrupted hearts

    And finally a flame erupts inside:

     

    'Wait! Don't Go!'

     

    And I feel the wave crashing down

    I hear that solitary sound

    And I feel the wave crashing down

    All around, you were always on my mind...

     

    (The Prince of the Sirens Sings)

     

    Go, see it to it’s end

    Make all your amends and tell me when it's over

    Fade into the silent light

    I feel it all the time

    But you don’t recognize this world

     

    I feel for you my Love

    'I’m afraid of this world'

    Fall away from the night

     

    'Hey! Don't Go!'

     

    And I feel the wave crashing down

    I hear that solitary sound

    And I feel the wave crashing down

    All around, you were always on my mind (X1)

    ***

     

    Engulfed (Under the Wine Dark Sea)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Satin shadow

    These eyes couldn’t capture

    Forgetting myself

    As the days are running faster

    Connecting the edge

    Of a life to another

    Sending the echoes

    Of an essence rediscovered

     

    Calling out again

    To the silence of the deep wood

    Looking at the world through a new light

    Following the fallen leaves

    That drift along the water

    I can hardly recognize

    What I am on the inside

     

    You could stay but I don’t care

    Enough for anything in this life

    These days I’m unaware of what

    Is really deep inside

     

    Faded, fallen

    I’m engulfed in emotion

    Your careless calling

    Is alive with devotion

    The sudden silence

    Deviates from the steady sound

    I’m flooded with defiance

    As the echo races all around

     

    Coming to the edge of the forest

    In the deep wood

    Looking at the world with a new light

    Following the voices

    That are drifting through the water

    I can hardly recognize

    What I am on the inside

     

    You could stay but I don’t care

    Enough for anything in this life

    These days I’m unaware of what

    Is really deep inside

    ***

     

    A Stream With Bright Fish

    (Poseidon and the Wonders of the Deep)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Instrumental

    ***

     

    Upon Viridian Waters (The Rapture of Alexis)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

     

    We’ve gone so far beyond emotion

    In daylight

    Surrounded in my own mind

    Against the cold night

    ***

     

    Dark Eyed Sister (Aphrodite's Curse)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Instrumental

    ***

     

    High Tide (To Lose and To Be Lost)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    You run through the forest

    Away from it all

    You soak in the current

    With your back to the wall

    You swim through the tides

    When the summer calls

    You follow the sounds of

    The waterfall

     

    I follow to the edge

    And I fall to the floor

    I swim in circles

    And I drift evermore

    It seems I can’t remember

    Who I was before

    I’m floating in an ocean

    That I can’t explore

     

    But I can hang on to the surface

    In flowing, oscillated time

    My lungs are filling up with water

    But I won’t sink to the void

     

    I climbed to the top

    Of the fiery wall

    I swallowed my emotions

    And embraced the fall

    Exploring through the silence

    Of the shadows call

    I’m swimming through the current

    And I feel it all

     

    But I can hang on to the surface

    In flowing, oscillated time

    My lungs are filling up with water

    But I won’t sink to the void

    ***

     

    Lost In The Humming Air (Upon The Winds of Zephyrus)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Instrumental

    ***

     

    Beyond The Infinite (Eros' Counsel)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Sinking to the floor

    I found another life

    Waking to the color

    Fading I was rusted

    Unrecognized

    Molded to the others

     

    Making a connection

    To the other side

    Thought I found a lover

    Lost into ascension

    To my blinded eyes

    Calling for another

     

    'Let go of your lying eyes

    Lying eyes

    Let go'

     

    Hanging on to someone

    That I recognized

    Bright beyond the colors

    Withered to the marrow

    I realized

    Nothing like the others

     

    Falling through the floor

    I came upon your eyes

    Thought I found a lover

    Searching evermore

    I demoralized

    Calling for another

     

    'Let go of your lying eyes

    Your Lying Eyes

    Let go' (X)

    ***

     

    Out Of Touch (Searching The Horizon)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Midnight coming

    I’m farther away than I used to be

    Running down these city streets

    Where the future beckons to me

    We’ve got nothing

    Written down in our history

    Moving on two hearts agree

    But you can call on me

     

    On the horizon line

    I see the form reflecting in time

    In the blue-green light

    There’s a movement all around me

     

    I feel there’s something

    Coming on this sudden breeze

    Colors changing on the leaves

    The scene’s got nothing on me

    Drift from the softness

    Drawing out this strange disease

    Moving towards the deeper seas

    The future’s calling to me

     

    On the horizon line

    I see the form reflecting in time

    In the blue-green light

    There’s a movement all around me

    ***

     

    Wake (Swept Out To Sea)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Time and again

    I’m rushing to the end

    I could never really figure you out

    And when it comes to this

    I’d rather reminisce

    ‘Cause reality is wearing me down

     

    Open up your eyes to the sunlight

    Breaking the dawn

    When the night draws out

    And my hopes are gone

    This fire is still burning

    Right into my bones

    I don’t want to stick around this town anymore

     

    The wake you form is surrounding us

    The days are gone and we’re starting over

    The wake you form is surrounding us

    Drowning in the water

    Filling me up

     

    I open up my lungs

    To breath I have begun

    As I go between the night and the dawn

    I calibrate the sun

    And follow everyone

    To find I’m barely hanging on

     

    Open up your eyes to the summer night

    Silent and warm

    As the light endures like it did before

    These tides are still turning

    Right into the shore

    I don’t want to stick around this town anymore

     

    The wake you form is surrounding us

    The days are gone and we’re starting over

    The wake you form is surrounding us

    Drowning in the water

    Filling me up

    ***

     

    Drift (Guided by the Nereids)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Hallowed ghost

    So suddenly I find

    Wandering the night

    Growing shadows on the floor

    Falling through I have to look inside

    Reflected on my eyes

    There I see myself before

     

    Child in the dark

    Grows fond of all illumination

    Emanating from the city light

    Leading ever on

    Towards the outskirts of this city

    Where our pasts would reunite

    Our pasts would reunite

     

    I’m calling out

    But I’m too far gone to see you

    When the night falls

    I drift into the chasm below

    I know now

    That I am still no different

    From anything around me

    I still implore

     

    Following

    The footprints left behind

    Trailing through the times

    Where we’ve gone through once before

    She can open up my eyes

    To deeper seas

    Of distant memories

    That I’m dying to explore

     

    Child in the night

    Moves forward to a new direction

    Moving towards a new and distant light

    Leading ever on

    Towards the outskirts of this city

    Where our pasts would reunite

    Our pasts would reunite

    ***

     

    Their Memories (Nerites and Alexis Touch Through Morpheus)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Instrumental

    ***

     

    Jungle Floor (The Island of Pan)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    (as written in The Second Jungle Book...)

     

    One moment past our bodies cast

    No shadow on the plain;

    Now clear and black they stride our track,

    And we run home again.

    In morning-hush, each rock and bush

    Stands hard, and high, and raw:

    Then give the Call: "Good rest to all

    That keep the Jungle Law!"

     

    The dew is dried that drenched our hide,

    Or washed about our way;

    And where we drank, the puddled bank

    Is crisping into clay.

    The traitor Dark gives up each mark

    Of stretched or hooded claw:

    Then hear the Call: "Good rest to all

    That keep the Jungle Law!"

    ***

     

    Against The Sky (The Divine Discussion)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Instrumental

    ***

     

    Grenada (Nerites' Choices)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Open up the doors into my mind

    Fill me up with colors

    So strong and refined

    Go into the place that we call

    A paradise

    Where everything around you and I

    Is alive

     

    Falling through the memories to explore

    I could not imagine what I was looking for

    You, you’re just a presence of something

    Before

    Never mind the sadness you’re bound to

    Adore

     

    All again there is nothing wrong

    I’m floating in the ocean for days

    Hoping to find myself again

    So I dive beneath the waves

     

    Show me down the path you know is right

    Now I’m just a traveler

    Who’s lost in the night

    I can’t tell the darkness

    Apart from the light

    Reaching for some substance

    With all of my might

     

    Running through the memories I explore

    Struggling to imagine what I was looking for

    Counting all the places where I stood

    Before

    Til I came upon you as I walked through

    The door

     

    All again there is nothing wrong

    I’m floating in the ocean for days

    Hoping to find myself again

    So I dive beneath the waves

     

    Save me, oh my will

    Save me, ever still

    Won’t you save me? Oh my will

    ***

     

    Let Me See - Clannad (Alexis' Prayer)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Let me see generation times

    Will we hear children singing rhymes?

    Sweet memories gone by, they're gone by

    Let me be wiser with my eyes

    Let me see my love by my side

    Let me see heaven

     

    Lonely years of searching the wilderness

    How this world can lead us all astray

    Don't let me cry over colourless pictures

    No more bitter winds

    No more troubled seas

    Just forgive me and let me see

     

    Let me see my love, let me see

    Let me see my love, let me see

     

    Let me see generation times

    Will we hear children singing rhymes?

    Sweet memories gone by, they're gone by

    Let me be wiser with my eyes

    Let me see my love by my side

    Let me see heaven

     

    Crossing the room, I recognize the child in me

    I'll close my eyes to release away all my fears

    We silence the rose to see it blossom back again

    Step by step we walk on

    Word by word we talk on

    Just forgive me and let me see

     

    Let me see generation times

    Will we hear children singing rhymes?

    Sweet memories gone by, they're gone by

    Let me be wiser with my eyes

    Let me see my love by my side

    Let me see heaven

    ***

     

    Angel of the Siren - The Cinnamon Chasers (The Calling of the Seashell)

    ___________________________________

    Our dreams are old
    Our friends are gone
    And our story's been told
    Just, carry on

    A break in the clouds will guide us home
    You look like an angel of the sirens
    I, can't believe the wait has been so long

    I feel like I've been burning bridges to stay with you
    Friends and lovers have come and gone
    We have just stood here alone

    Although I'm pleased to be beside you
    I'm, lonelier than I have ever known
    And you look like an angel of the sirens
    I can't believe the wait has been so long

     

    (The endless calling of the Seashell)

    ***

     

    Locust Point – Brothertiger (Alexis’ Eyes are Opened)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Inside of my own mind

    I feel Him again

    I opened up my young eyes

    To the water's edge

    I climbed up to the branches

    To watch the flow

    I saw Him, I saw Him far below!

     

    So I reached out to the edge there

    I felt the flow

    I extended my own hand

    To gather more

    Then I felt the tremor,

    I felt it on the inside!

    I fell into the rubble

    Fell into the daylight

     

    But He took me back to the top

    And I found myself again!

    He took me back to the top

    And I found myself whole!

     

    I walked through the sun

    Toward a voice so far away

    In a silent wind

    It drifts upon the waves

    I reached out to the daylight

    That fell upon my face

    As I opened up my eyes

    To a familiar place!

     

    And He took me back to the top

    And I found myself again!

    He took me back to the top

    And I found myself whole!

     

    But he took me back to the top

    And I found myself again!

    He took me back to the top

    And I found myself whole! (X)

    ***

     

    Still Return (The First Blessing In Faith)

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    (Mysterious and Inspiring Interlude)

     

    The Song To The Siren - Celtic Angels (The Sea and the Longing)

    ___________________________________

    Long afloat on shipless oceans
    I did all my best to smile
    'Til your singing eyes and fingers
    Drew me loving to your isle


    And you sang
    Sail to me
    Sail to me
    Let me enfold you
    Here I am
    Here I am
    Waiting to hold you

     

    Did I dream you dreamed about me?
    Were you hare when I was fox?
    Now my foolish boat is leaning
    Broken lovelorn on your rocks,


    For you sing, "Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow:
    O my heart, O my heart shies from the sorrow"

     

    I am puzzled as the newborn child
    I am troubled at the tide:
    Should I stand amid the breakers?
    Should I lie with death my bride?


    Hear me sing, "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you:
    Here I am, here I am, waiting to hold you"

     

    ***

  9. It's Memorial Day weekend. We had a big family reunion/BBQ planned for this weekend, but, a lot of the family can't make it because of the flooding. My youngest brother and my Aunt both live between Austin and Houston and that entire area is in VERY bad shape. Plus, in the last few days they have had some terrible tornadoes there as well. So, the entire weekend kind of got cancelled. It's a real bummer because I was really looking forward to seeing the extended family.

     

    It's given me some more free time to work on my story. It's coming along pretty good. I think it's a pretty good story, but, I am biased of course. I am trying to make it a very character driven story with an interesting and unique premise. I am a bit worried about the amount of sex in the story. There isn't much and it doesn't go into great detail. I want to publish it on GA and Nifty, but, I am wondering whether or not it will appeal to these audiences since it has so little sex. But, at the same time, because it has ANY gay sex in it, the story really doesn't appeal to the mass market. I am afraid I am writing a story that no one will want to read. It's a little discouraging, but, I am trying not to think about it too much. My goal is just to finish the story. That will be a major accomplishment for me. I will be very disappointed if only 2 or 3 people read it, but, oh well, it's not like I am trying to make money I am just trying to tell a story.

     

    I am spending quite a bit of time on the GA chat in the evenings. It's pretty interesting. I have also discovered the PROMPTS. I am committed to writing a quick blurb on the next FIRST LINE PROMPT. Pretty scared, but, excited about it.

     

    That's enough verbal vomit for now.

     

    Take care,
    Cody

  10. Whenever I dream of a new monster, I feel compelled to write about it here. Which, odd, but I'll own it.

     

    Now I don't recall all the details of how this worked, but the dream started as a mystery that I was apparently trying to solve. Bodies were piling up in the town I lived in. And, weirdly, even though the bodies did not look much alike, they seemed to share the same DNA. Or, at least, partly shared DNA. Sort of a chimera. At least, half of them did. The other half were simply murder victims, obviously murdered by the chimera, but the chimeras had no real cause of death, They just...stopped.

     

    Helping me in my inquiries was a young, blonde woman from some Nordic country (I'm not certain which). Let's call her Annika. She aided me not because she was qualified, but because she'd been at the scene of one too many of the crimes for it to be a total coincidence, but she was certainly not the culprit, proved by physical, metaphysical, and even video evidence. She claimed that her twin brother, long dead, was manifesting around her and attacking random strangers. Indeed, the chimera DNA was very close to her own, close enough to have been a match for her brother, although why the bodies didn't share his face and where they came from in the first place was still a mystery.

     

    Sadly, much of this middle parts of this story are lost to my memory, but for some reason we wound up trapped in a locked house scenario. And, as in all such scenarios, people began dropping like flies. Naturally, Annika was nearby with all of them, but I too saw one or two of them. And what I saw astounded me. Out of thin air, her brother would spring into being, and suddenly attack another person. Usually with a knife. And because they were caught totally by surprise and off guard, his first stroke was fatal. Then, after, he would stiffen, the face would change utterly, and his body would collapse. Dead. Annika, meanwhile, was not helpful, curling into a ball and getting as far out of the line of fire as she could get.

     

    This would obviously not do.

     

    I was a minor spell caster in this dream, and conducted a seance to contact her brother. Nothing. Then I did another spell, one that would allow me to see into the spirit world (probably taking some pills in the process, which made real me nearly wake up in horror). Annika assisted in the first, but not the second. So she was not aware I could see what was happening the next time her "brother" appeared. Didn't know I could see her spell take shape, form a body out of random ether, and see her consciousness channel through that construct. It wasn't her brother's spirit killing people. It was her, forcing his body to form again and again while she controlled it to kill. I dismissed the construct next time it started to form, knocking her back into her own body and throwing her off for a moment, which I used to place a magical lock on her abiltiies. She smiled. "My brother tried that too, you know." She told me. "Just before I killed him. Turns out, if you kill your own twin, their echo stays with you. And you can force the doppelganger into existence."

     

    Someone else had showed her how to do it, because he too had killed his own twin, and had found in her an apt pupil. Right up until he became the first victim of the current murder spree.

     

    She then fought the binding, and used the innate connection she had to her twin to put her magical abilities into another spirit, evading my lock. I managed to shut down the doppelgangers as fast as she formed them, but let it distract me too much. Because she had a knife too, all this time. And managed to confuse me so much with the magical attacks I forgot to watch the physical.

  11. Cole Matthews
    Latest Entry

    Someone asked what my Monster Cookie recipe is. Here it is! As you can see, it's gluten free so I can make them for my mom!

     

    3 eggs
    1 1/4 cups light brown sugar
    1 cup white sugar
    1/2 tsp salt
    1 tsp vanilla
    1 1/2 cups peanut butter (cheap brand works best. The expensive type that separates won't work right.)
    1 stick butter
    1 cup M&M's or chocolate chips
    1/2 cup chopped peanuts
    1/2 cup Craisins, or raisins
    2 tsp baking soda
    5 cups quick-cooking oatmeal

     

    Cream sugars and softened butter. Add eggs and vanilla and continue creaming. Then add peanut butter and blend. In a separate bowl, add salt, oatmeal, soda, and other ingredients. Mix the wet and dry ingredients together mixing well. Then let the mixture sit for an hour. This step is necessary to let the oatmeal soften. Place a portion the size of a walnut on the baking sheet and press down. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for around eight to ten minutes. Pull before the centers brown completely. Let rest before removing and putting on wax paper on a cookie rack.

     

    Enjoy!

  12. Hello Everyone,

     

    First I want to apologize for my long absence. As I have said in man posts and conversations these last few years I have, in addition to working full time, have been taking care of an elderly, sick, relative. This relative passed away in February. Since then I have been assisting my mother and aunt in getting her final affairs settled.

     

    Despite the sadness of m relatives passing my life has reached a period of calm and I am happy to say that I have started writing again, slowly but surely.

     

    I plan to focus on Indiana Summer until the story is complete, then Max and Josh, and while I do not yet have a firm date as to when I will have a new chapter out to you it is my goal to have one within the next month.

     

    I want to encourage you all to please go and mark the Indiana Summer Discussion thread for updates as I will be making posts there concerning the story and my progress in writing.

     

    best wishes,
    Owl

  13. NOT MEANT TO BE

     

    You wanted to talk about the night sky
    And the moonlight on the lake
    While he was swatting at a mosquito on his leg
    And wondering when you’d shift
    Your head heavy with poetry
    That was causing pins and needles in his arm

  14. So, you've decided that you want to write something in a world that doesn't yet exist. In front of you sits a pad of paper and a stack of post-its an inch thick.

     

    Where do you begin?

     


    There are two broad schools of world building.

     

    The top-down approach.
    The bottom-up approach.

     

    Both techniques have their advantages and disadvantages.

     

    Bottom-up: This is used when you have an idea for a place, character, or thing and you want to find a way to incorporate it into a wider world. This lets you focus on the immediate vicinity in much higher detail, you can develop the cast of characters, the street names, the local histories, the things your story will interact with immediately while hand-waving a lot of the why or how. If you don't see the story leaving the city it's in what's the point in knowing the currency of a country way over on the other side of the world, unless of course it becomes important to the plot, then you just write it in.

     

    Advantages: A quicker start-up, immediate results, a focused setting.
    Disadvantages: Easy to introduce inconsistencies, over-focus.

     


    Top-down: This is used when you have a general idea for a setting and you want to flesh it out. It allows you to build a strong foundation for your story where the many pieces fit together seamlessly. It allows you to stray from your storys local comfort zone without worrying about what they'll find out there. You'll know the climate, the geography, and history of the setting as a whole before narrowing your focus to a regional or local level.

     

    Advantages: Better integration, internal consistency.
    Disadvantages: Slow start-up, lack of focus.

     


    Which of these is the best? It depends entirely upon the individual, and the ultimate goal of the worldbuilding exercise.

     

    There is of course a third option.

     

    The Combined Approach: This uses elements of both top-down and bottom-up. It allows little pockets of focused setting within a broader consistent world. It's also probably the hardest method to pull off successfully as it can quickly become overwhelming.

     


    Personally I tend to use a predominantly top-down approach, but I discovered worldbuilding through pen-and-paper games, I like to build settings in which to set various stories, rather than having a story I want to tell and needing somewhere for it to happen.

     

    I've got notebooks and sketchbooks filled with hastily scribbled notes, intricate maps, lists of seemingly random words. And somewhere within all that detritus is a world or two that would actually function as reasonable setting, I just need to get it onto paper in an intelligible way.

  15. I'm back, getting my creative juices flowing and trying to earn discreetly online.

     

    A lot has been happening at home and it's been driving me up the wall. It hasn't been the most pleasant experience and it makes me sad that I've been on and off with all my projects mainly because I'm in hiding with my family.

     

    But, I refuse to just stop and give up. I keep holding onto these little bits of myself that I feel matter. In the society I'm in, creativity is a waste of time most of the time. It's rather half-assed. I'd like to believe in the potential of a creative and adaptive mind.

     

    I'm definitely brooding something personal. Fights and arguments with my folks just fuel this fire to just be better than all of them, and hopefully step on them when the time comes. I've lost most sympathies for them, which I didn't plan and yet can't help but feel.

     


    So I came back with a few story updates. I'd been revising the flow and pacing for some of them, so I hope they're to your liking. I posted updates to my long-running series A Frigid Grasp and His Happiness. So have a read and enjoy! I'm aiming for weekly updates so please follow the stories if you enjoy them.

  16. In June, it will have been a year since the release of my first novel, Guitars and Cages, through Wayward Ink, something that I never would have ever imagined, but that I am immensely proud of. it meant the fulfilling of a dream, it meant that no matter what, i would be able to say that i was a published novelist and no one could ever take that away.

     

    Since then, Broken Prince Mismatched Eyes and Desolation Angel have been released and I am in the middle of edits for Roadhouse Reds, these four novels were born here on GA and its only fitting that they be my introductions to the publishing world. I know i've been fortunate, all of my experiences so far have been wonderful. This year i finally decided to start submitting to anthologies, first with Wayward Ink, but i also have one coming out that will be through MLRPress. That story was a particularly hard one to write as it deals with suicide and I found myself remembering a friendship from my young adulthood and a young man who choose to end his life shortly before he might have graduated. He was funny, kind, tough as nails, an amazing dancer, a wonderful listener, a deep thinker and a loyal friend, which always left me wondering how he could feel that was the answer.

     

    I don't know, but i know that when i write i carry a lot of the people i've known into my stories. Sometimes I hold back, I've been striving not to do that anymore. i feel like writing has allowed me to tap into the courage i had when i was younger, but started to hide as an adult, as if i was trying to be someone other than me just to fit someone else's mold. Breaking out of that is hard, but in the process, I've discovered that it feels good to be true to myself.

     

    it feels good not to have to hide what I write either. I love my pen name, but once my mother discovered it and read Guitars and Cages that was pretty much it. even if i don't tell people what i write, she does, and I'm starting to be okay with that. I'm wrapping up a new book, in the middle of two anthology submissions, it also means the next two weeks are going to be insanely busy since i'm heading on a roadtrip on may 11 that's set to last a month and I'm excited.

     

    just got back from BDSM Con too and wow did i learn a ton. Being sick though has slowed me down this week, but i;ve made progress on my photographs at the pioneer cemetaries too, something I'm handling for my local paper. Got a traveling computer so i could keep up on the road, and my daughter whose my youngest child is finally at an age where she's excited to see what i'll bring her, rather than crying and begging me not to go away. In truth that's whats kept me pinned closer to home these last few years.

     

    I wrote out a draft for a new novel on the bus ride to everett last month, won't have time to work on it for awhile, but it will likely be my next freebie friday story once this one is done. I've got more ideas than time at the moment ,which sometimes sucks. Or maybe i just need to focus better. its likely a mix between the two.

     

    Anyway, I'm going to get back to writing now. Hope everyone has a wonderful weakened.

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