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Melancholy ... the broken staff of life

A blog by CarlHoliday in Member

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Melancholic words to dampen your spirit

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Page 2 of 18

Just Some Thoughts On The Election Results . . .

If all goes according to the Constitution, Donald Trump will become the 45th President of these the Divided States of America on Friday, January 20, 2017. I suppose by the following Monday the order will go out to either the Army Corps of Engineers or some other government entity to begin construction on the Great Wall of America. When we threaten to bomb major cities in Mexico for not being forthcoming with the funds to cover the project is open to speculation because how else will we make

November 10, 2016

1

Skin Cancer

This morning I had a squamous cell carcinoma removed from my left ear by Mohs surgery. Since I'm allergic to all analgesics other than aspirin and the clinic I went to didn't prescribe a pain killer, I'm taking my aspirin and living with the pain. But, as the discharge paper said, it will get better day by day. The next chapter of WWW is progressing. We may actually be coming to a finalization of the story. 319 is approaching an on hold status unless I can figure a way to get chapter 6 t

September 30, 2016

3

Depression, Bob Dylan, And The Future

I really don’t know where this is going. I’m out of words to put into my current stories and so I resort to listening to music. My choice tonight is Bob Dylan. I could have chosen The Beatles, Eric Clapton, or The Travelling Wilburys, but I didn’t. I’m not really into modern music because there seems to be no logic to the available choices. Music can go only so far until it starts to repeat itself. If anything, I’m at a loss to what might happen in the future. My only point of reference at t

September 19, 2016

2

On Being 67

Yesterday was my sixty-seventh birthday. I got a free B-52 at the Ixtapa in Sultan; plus, I had two shots of Oban single malt Scotch. As birthdays go, it was tolerable. For all that happened yesterday, I’m bored with life; due to changes in my meds I’ve gained over 30 lbs. in the past year; my cataracts are worsening to the point where I get a new prescription every six months; I've got skin cancer on my ear; I can’t drive more than a couple miles to the grocery store and definitely not out

August 14, 2016

1

Use Sunscreen!

Just got a call from the dermatology clinic where I had the latest biopsy on my left ear. The pathology report came back today and it's a squamous cell carcinoma. They'll be scheduling with the VA as to whether they or the VA will do the surgery. They will be recommending one of their Mohs qualified surgeons handle the procedure. They VA will probably say that I should have my ear whacked off just to save a few bucks. Life moves on, as I've got a lot of writing to do, a dog to house train, a

July 25, 2016

5

Coming Soon To A Theatre Near You, "the Faggot"

As far as I am concerned the only sure therapy to a psychologically troubled mind is to have a productive hobby and to practice it on a regular basis. Medicinally, I am stable with an effective mood stabilizer and an anti-depressant specifically developed to treat depression associated with bipolar disorder. That leaves my hobby which is writing. I’ve tried to learn how to play the guitar, even to the point of buying one for $800 (actually getting it on sale for $400), but that’s basically a

July 21, 2016

0

Trying To Hang On By My Fingernails

For the past week I’ve been wavering over putting GA on the backburner for the foreseeable future. My mental state is in a total disarray since Rambo bit me and my son had to put him down. Plus, my son has his own mental issues to consider. In effect, we’re both a couple of crazies trying to make do with life. But, I have a series of stories that may save me. One deals with a boy who was sold by his parents into sexual slavery when he was six. Dabeagle helped me a lot with New York State’s p

July 3, 2016

1

Goodbye Rambo

Was it inevitable? We’ll never know. What is known is that my son’s 90 lb. German Shepherd bit me yesterday morning with no provocation. I was sitting at the desk working on the laptop and Nana was rummaging around my chair. I reached down to pet her and Rambo chomped down onto my forearm and wrist with enough force to draw blood. Luckily for me, this time the entire episode was viewed by my son who has been of the opinion that every time Rambo has attacked me in the past has, somehow, been

June 14, 2016

5

The Threat Of Skin Cancer

Half my ancestry comes from Sweden and the other half is split between Wales (one-quarter) and Native American (only by conjecture because no one in the family claims to know what happened to the picture of the woman who is my great-great-grandmother; I saw it once and if she wasn’t Native American, then she was certainly doing everything she could to look like one), England, and Germany; in other words, a lot of Northern European fair skinned immigrants and that other person no one is willing t

May 24, 2016

1

Nana Is A Little, Sassy German Bitch

Nana is 8 weeks old today and she’s just the little bitch you would expect from a German Shepherd of direct German heritage (her mother was imported from Germany). We’ve been trying to potty train her and she was doing real good for the first few days until she figured out she could pick up her water bowl and carry it across her enclosure spreading water everywhere. We put down Wee Wee Pads, but she turned those into chew toys and there’s no telling how much she swallowed before we just took the

May 15, 2016

2

I Think I've Come To An End ...

WARNING: Long entry. We picked up Nana, our new German Shepherd puppy, on Friday morning and have been enjoying many pleasurable experiences with her. We took her to the vet yesterday and she weighed in at just over 8 pounds. Quite a handful. A week before last my son sideswiped a Mustang on his way to work and in all likelihood totaled his Expedition, if he had collision insurance on it, which he didn’t. Well, it is a ’99, so there’s not much point in carrying that kind of coverage. Tha

May 8, 2016

4

More Thoughts On Being Crazy

I’ve been working on this blog entry for a couple weeks now, but every time I think it has developed into something to publish, I don’t. Mostly, it’s all because of my new mental state which is now controlled by the ingestion of 2,000 mg of valproate sodium (Depakote) to stabilize my moods. Mania is mostly held at bay and never lasts more than a week; depression lasts barely more than a day or two. Mostly, I exist in a nothing state. I write stories, though it takes time to formulate and express

April 24, 2016

0

Mississippi On My Mind

When I think of Mississippi these things come to mind: William Faulkner (my favorite author); the Brookhaven distribution centers for McLane (the best in the company) and Walmart; the small, independent truck stop in Bogue Chitto (with a name like that what's not to remember); the Petro truck stop in Jackson (where the lot lizard exposed her (his?) miniscule breasts to prove she was a woman); the fish processing plant outside Indianola where I had to wait ten hours (federal rest time) for my loa

April 2, 2016

0

German Shepherds And The Story

Right now the neighbors have gone and left their GSD out on their back deck (enclosed). It is crying and howling because of their absence. Although Rambo nipped me this morning because I touched his food bag, I still love him and I suppose that’s the difference between them and us. Rambo’s crate is right here in the house and he can get to it whenever he needs to go to his “place”, while the neighbor’s GSD has its crate on the back deck, so its “place” is on the other side of a normally close do

March 26, 2016

0

Reminder

I received a letter in the mail today from AARP. On the outside in red, all cap, sans serif, heavy block letters was the word REMINDER. My mind wandered back in its creative nether regions and came up with a scenario where a similar letter could be received by a citizen of some future society. Of course, the return address would not indicate which agency had sent the letter, but inside the letter might read something like this: REMINDER: Your subscription to citizenship in the Kingdom of Cal

March 15, 2016

1

Redirection

I was starting to read a Sanitaria Springs story by dabeagle when "I Can Hear Music" by The Beach Boys came on and I got to thinking about what happened today. Other than Gershwin's "Rhapsody in Blue," especially with its opening clarinet glissando, the beautiful tenor of Carl Wilson has to make "I Can Hear Music" my number one favorite oldies song and I have a lot of favorite oldies songs. I completely revised Chapter 1 of 319 Winesap Lane removing all the sex between Geoff and Jerry. I als

March 15, 2016

0

319 Winesap Lane, Part 2

I had a question about 319 yesterday so I sent dabeagle an email and asked his professional opinion about the kind and amount of sex I was anticipating in the story. I think he gave me an honest and truthful assessment of where I was heading and needless to say I am no longer going to write the story in that direction. If anything, the story was being written in a way that could only be something that would be appropriate on Nifty, which is something I no longer intend to do. So thank you very m

March 13, 2016

0

319 Winesap Lane

My writing therapy program has come to fruition. I finished chapter 1 of 319 Winesap Lane and it came in at over 5,600 words. I suspected all I needed to do was get a good storyline and a couple characters to get this thing going, but it’s been much easier than I thought. Though I have to admit the it didn’t go without a few hesitations. It definitely didn’t help I was trying to get caught up with 18 Weeks of Twoey by skinnydragon. It’s an interesting story and I recommend it to anyone who is in

March 10, 2016

0

Filet Mignon And Girl Scout Cookies

'Tis the season, Girl Scout cookies are out and it's time for some serious money exchanging and pigging out on Thin Mints, which have to be the most cost effective cookie in the collection. My son likes Samoas, which are good because chocolate goes well with coconut, but not they're not as good as Thin Mints in my opinion. I'm a chocolate and mint kind of guy. Chocolate mint ice cream, creme de menthe over chocolate ice cream, grasshopper cocktail, grasshopper pie, York Peppermint Patties, Andes

March 7, 2016

1

Is This The End?

I knew I was jeopardizing my creative abilities by increasing the amount of Depakote I take to stabilize my mental state and, happily, I am now stabilized and do not fear having a misstep leading to a fatal plunge into nothingness. Not being suicidal is much more important than writing. But, that does little to assure me that there will ever be anything more coming out of the creative vault. Remembering Tim has two final chapters to publish. I wrote an epilogue to finish the work because

February 29, 2016

1

Sine Cosine Tangent

This morning I read Don DeLillo's short story, "Sine Cosine Tangent", in newyorker.com. As surprising as it may be, I have never read any of DeLillo’s fiction, but this story intrigued me as it is about a teenager coming to grips with his parents' divorce. The story takes place in New York City and covers the boy from age thirteen, when his parents divorced—in a very telling scene as he is doing his math homework, his father informs him of the fact—until the boy grows into adulthood. Therefo

February 18, 2016

0

Depakote Blues

It's only been just over a week on 1500 mg of Depakote and that old, familiar feeling has come back. You could say I feel like I was taking 2 mg of Risperidone and 1000 mg of Depakote, but it's different than that. There's no energy, zero, zilch. There's nothing there. It's like being in a warm pool of salt water. You just float there without a current to move you along. You're going nowhere and there's nothing to stop you from getting there. Yesterday I wrote 3,000 words, but it was mostly

February 11, 2016

0

The Storm Passeth Away

For the optimist, all bad things do tend to fade away. I've gone from normal thru suicidal and back to some semblance of normal in three long weeks. Although mental stability has regained a footing, I don't feel I'm completely out of the woods. I would like to get back to writing, but that doesn't seem to be in the cards right now, which is okay because I have a lot of material to post on The G.M.Os. and, now, Remembering Tim. Right now I'm reading my old stuff and works by other authors

February 3, 2016

0

Remembering Tim - Redux And Feeling Better Thru Chemicals

Remembering Tim is ready for a republication with material from Tim and the Corsair added with a bridging chapter. Publication will follow under the title Remembering Tim - Redux. Mental state is stabilizing and will probably stabilize further with a change in dosage I'm implementing. From now on I'll be taking 1500 mg of Divalproex and 1 mg of Risperidone. I was taking that two years ago and will take it from now on. The only foreseeable problem is a dulling of creative abilities, but I'll

January 31, 2016

0

Remembering Tim In A Bipolar Sort Of Way

Finally, I threw caution to the wind and ended up speaking with my psychiatrist this morning about how I'm feeling, which, basically, I'm not, feeling that is. It boils down to my choice. Do I want to wait and see if I get used to the new medication levels and hope for an easing of the mental dullness I'm experiencing? Or, do I want to go back to the way it was and be mentally unstable, but be more creative? The only serious problem with mental instability is the risk of suicide goes up signific

January 27, 2016

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