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About this blog

The Couch refers to the psychoanalysts classic appliance which claims minds daily . But, put a Rainbow over it, it becomes a colourful kaleidoscope of imaginative thoughtforms.So, the blog is what I think of the world and what the world thinks of me.

Entries in this blog


Two Poems


Becoming Poets


You and I, we have a strong bond
Like brothers, like lovers;
We disgust the world with our vain perversions,

our inane attachment with the word and the seas of heresy

part at our command revealing the shells of untruths hiding

beneath the silt of social justice.
Ecstasy beyond judgement is what we share

in the binding fallacy of corporeal pain

battling to win over the spirit.
Our ascension begins at the alter of ego.
Broken down pieces of the mirror of self-hate, we tread

upon our steps to immortality. Morality, ethics, civility, higher power

are all suspended in space as dwindling starlights, reaching us

from the outer edges of cosmos.

You and I, we have a strong bond.

Like brothers, like lovers;

We step over millions of corpses to reach the quintessential truth, the poesy of nature.






When I see you talking to others I think of it as betrayal
When I see you smiling with others I question if you are loyal
When I see you moving on with life going roundabout your business
I feel I have been left out from it all in order to hide your menace

I know the wheels are turning
I know the fires are burning out
Emotions are condensing in big chunks of ice
And soon it won't suffice to tell you that I love you,
that the earth only blooms for you,
that my breath begins & ends with you

And soon you will leave me for the others who make you smile, who kiss
you behind my back, smell your hair, bend you over to the road of infidelity
And it drives me mad, mad like a ragging bull,
Like a substance user craving his previous high
I can't stand them making you smile

One of these days I will tell them of your lies



Heat up the oil
Your hands are cold and dispassionate
Let the oil's warmth seep up your unconscious 
Making you more malleable to touch
Figures created out of mud and ludicracy
Break not the chain of bondage of eternal servitude of lust
I didn't buy you
I can't, because you can't buy humans anymore 
I just bought your services for the night
A few hours of relaxation 
I couldn't buy you but I wish I could
Buy your smile and tear it up and throw it away
at the roadside dump and see your face behind.
Your face is beautiful
And you are poor 
And that is the reason
Why you are a whore
Oops, I meant masseur
I enjoy your face even when you look vacantly
at the pasty paint scraping off the wall while you
delicately push away my towel
I don't know why I use it
May be I like to play hooky
Your vacant eyes irritate me, but I
ignore them at the urging of your efficient fingers
Why should one body part take precedence over the other?
I like your torso as much as your arms
Your big strong beefy arms, no doubt
strengthened from kneading up millions of clients 
Your hands can even make corpses happy, like Osiris.
You try chatting up
I tell you, it's not your strong suit
You tell me stories from home
Of sunlit village roads and games in the pond
with a younger cousin way back when
you were still a virgin and how you loved him, and
how much you like bikes and torn jackets are all the rage and
potatoes are getting expensive and all political leaders are liars...
I tense up at your incessant chattering and you fall silent feeling it under your thumb
Or may be you start dreaming of riding bikes
through your bright village dirt roads racing your politician
cousin who looks like a potato
Or something 
I don't care
I never wanted to know what you think
Of the world or me
That's why I never felt so free
getting naked in front of anybody else... May be my mom
I mean I bought you, sorry, your services
after thorough perusal just like I choose the flavour
of my ice cream at the super market
I am finicky like that
Turn over
Your tone is always stoic when it comes to the fun part
You could have commanded armies with that calm dialect
Anticipation quickens my pulse
And hardens my expectation
Now you start playing hooky
Going in and out 
Under the towel
Almost but not quite there
You know how I like it
But your face betrays no affection
Your eyes grow more vacant with every lunge
Like a game of chess 
We play
With my body as a wager
And your affections 
You win every time
Feral sounds
Obscene sounds
Belching, farting 
Squelching, splashing
You are all that
And more thrashing
Till the snakes 
Give up and hide
And you act as if 
You loved the fight
But you don't, I can see it in your eyes
May be I should get a blind masseur
Next time

Creation Myth

(For a certain someone)


Who created you
Whether by touch or a gentle smile
Like snow flakes drifting in the wind
Melting with the smallest touch of a
Warm hand


Who created you
Whether by plan or perchance
A divine intervention that shined the
Light in the darkness of the void adorning
The unseen universe


Who created you
Whether in dream or reality find
Flawed images of perfection assuming
The ultimate victory of love over
Experience lost to the mind


Who created you
Who created you





Begin by music what lyrics had shunned,
Evanescent feelings that shan't be returned,
Forever is a long time if you are not a friend,
Every limit mortal as time's sickle bend.


Yet I bequeath my heart and desire,
To you and your lot I cast in my fire,
A flame everlasting shall flourish in me,
Like a flower that blooms only for the bee.




Wishing everyone of my friends, near & dear ones, far & farces, enemies & rivals A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR.





Staring at the blue sky
To the distant pasts that glittered in the stars
Unseen, unfound, hidden beneath the fluffy clouds


Lying on the concrete
Hard truths and harder are the choices that exhumed
The sins of the father reflected on the Lamb of God


Floating skyscrapers
Diminishing breaths that’s building upon the layers of
Foggy winter morning’s urban bustling rabble




Incomplete Love

For Timmy, Emi and Mr. Benus:


Incomplete Love


All relationships are a work in progress,
A building to be finished, an infinite mirror
Beneath a starry sky. A battle between belief and reality,
A compromise between expectation and evolution
Between engagement and understanding.
Experience vs. Emotion
Broken crumbling pieces of self mixing
Into happiness and grief and regrets
Creating the mortar of us. Bricks and days
And labours of indecisive Apollos' creating
The walls of Troy only to be breached
By a stupid wooden horse
Of momentary weakness,
Merrymaking in the filth as snakes slither in
Our garden.
Yet even then looking up you see
The angelic choirs praising
The one perfect moment of absolute happiness,
One moment in eternity where you and I became Us.


The slowly dying flowers in the vase are laughing at the trees outside.




In Response

For Ben & Timmy:


Good poems frolic in the sun.
They bring Arctic Lights to the barren tundra.
They also manage to inundate the soils of Egypt
and blow khamsins over the salt flats of Kutch in the very same day.


Good poems deserve a kiss and a wink.





Good stories never end.
They just begin a new chapter.
Fragments were our destiny. Our fate
doomed the first time I saw you smile.
Your eyes were filled with the moist heat
of the mid summer mango grove's shady
effervescent infrangible delight. Your movements
took shape in the delicate prowess of a mountain leopard.
Your form undulating to the beats that broke down
the unyielding barrier of disaffection. And your gentle grace
that stoked the hopes of an arid wanderer.
But it wasn't to last forever.
We only receive fragments as our due.




When I finally held you in my arms,
your pliant silhouette unresisting my fervid advances,
we soared to the high heavens of unhindered pleasure.
Under the influence of the myriad drugs that I
had mixed in your drinks all evening, you kept
repeating your mantra in stilted breath.
"This is not happening to me." Yet it did.
We had our sweet moments together.
The moments I immortalized in the waiting eye of the lens.
Thus our fragment shall forever be mine.
My own love child, a secret to cherish and protect.
Yet it pains me to see you walk away,
amnesic of my passionate embrace. To see
fear crowding those eyes that once held
bequest of a rest, it cuts me deep.
Shattering me in the many fragments that were once you and I.




Returning Sunshine

You kept telling me how
I took up all the space in our relationship.
How you needed to get away
To get a way around the things in your head... Blasphemy.
I believe I was still in your head.
And stuck in the chambers of your heart,
Your entrails shackling me to the walls of inferiority.


Understanding your grudging affection
Took up most of my daylight, yet you kept
Asking for more... more space in your head.
More air to breath, you sought out the nearest
Island of wasted youth. More experiences,
You needed more sensations, to expound
The theories on space in relationships.


I kept enabling you. I provided you
More space, more air, more sensations.
And when I finally went bone dry,
Not a tear to spare,
Your rampage stopped. I felt violated.
I wanted to throw up. I couldn't.
I wanted to cease to exist. I couldn't.
And when I looked up towards the sky
Bereft of all hopes of all illusions of all boundaries and burdens,
I found myself attrited in the returning sunshine.





Somewhere on the other side of the rainbow, in a land far far away, there will be a tree. An old majestic tree it will be, with its red, green and purple leaves, and its ancient curved branches extending their embrace from one horizon to another, standing solemnly in an emerald valley beneath the starry night in a solitary prayer. Underneath that tree old mossy stones will hibernate while snuggling the roots that reach the deepest crevices of earth in search of the sweet moisture and warmth of the old world. Little critters will live amongst them. A single blossoming vine of unnamed untamed wild flower shall entwine the expansive trunk all the way reaching the lowest branches. Sweet fragrance of the moist earth mixed with the green perfume of the arbour will permeate the shaded ambiance. And when sudden breezes shall play through the tunnels of the foliage and crosshatching of the branches, it will sound the sonorous melody of the windpipes of Pan. And the filtered moonlight of the November Lune shall silver the dark mahogany of the bark. Together they will create an ethereal opera of sublime thrills.

Together we will meet under that tree… in another life. Promise.










Blue… blue… many shades of blue
Some green mixed with some grey
Surprise mixed with sadness
Awe separated from jealousy
A serene perfection of existence


From beneath the mirror looking up towards the heavens of the mid day sky
Azure longings turning into height of disdain
And broken hearts bleed poisonous green
Pus-sy yellow disbelieving the lie of red
Will you be my valentine behind the water curtain?


A solitary kiss of rainbow emotions
Burning through my skin of deceit
More blue… cyanotic lips
Feelings crushing my lungs under their weight
Hope drowning in desire




The Communion

There are many stages of making love
First there is the Look
A Look, that which can melt the stars and feed a million souls


Then the Unveiling
Like that of the most precious of the presents
A slow sensuous unwrap


The Indulgence is next
Deliberate movements across the landscape
Appraising the scenery of touch


Then comes the Immaculate kiss
A divine surrender of a watchful heart
And the rest is a blur of motions of negative spaces


Until finally past the soaring heights of the steeple
Into the blissful void
An intermingling of souls and a glimpse of paradise


The Absolute




Dirges And Obituary

Dirges and Obituary


You said I wouldn’t like your playlist
But, my dear, I love your songs
How could I not
Our choices are so similar
But every word, every tune, is like they are wrought in my tears, my heart's blood
How songs disappear
How tears end all wars
Troubles in the garden and the roses bleed love
Here lies my heart all bruised and dark
Here lies my heart all silent in prayer
Now & forever yours




Ok, I have stayed silent for long... for too long it seems. There has been a good number of blog posts in GA and thankfully all of them are in favour of the LGBT community of India. This was expected. GA is a safe space and a close community of great solidarity. In today's hateful cyberspace, this is a truly unique oasis of love. I am really thankful for GA. But, regarding this matter, there has been some amount of confusion and misinformation as well. I want to target those and clear the air a bit.


First of all, homosexuality is not criminalised in India. It never was. It never will be. All citizens of India are provided equal rights and protection under the constitution. There is however a law introduced by the British that talks about the legal ramifications of the so called "unnatural sexual offenses". IPC s377 is concerned with sexual intercourse which implies penile penetration (except in the case of lesbianism where there is no penetration obviously and hence the act is termed "bodily congress") in routes other than the vaginal. This is applicable for anal and oral intercourse in both homosexual and heterosexual situations. There is no mention of sexual orientation in the law. However, it is clearly understandable that this law can easily be used to incriminate people of queer identity. The same section talks about bestiality. The punishments are of various degrees from life imprisonment to 10 years in prison to 3 years in prison with or without fine. And you need medical evidence to prove the offense (as unfortunate as as this is, I, as a Doctor, was trained in this). But, most importantly although rarely used, this is the one and only law that protects male rape victims. If this section is simply writ down without amendment or insertion of another law for the matter, there will be no law against male rape in IPC. Generally the misinformed police of India use these laws as threats to extort money from queer couples in public. This and the law against public indecency are a perpetual nightmare for couples of any orientation and a regular fund raiser for the Indian police force. It is not like they get to enjoy the bribe. the money is fed into the political system and everyone gets a share. This is an open secret in the subcontinent.


Secondly, although it was majorly the religious-right-wing-extremists who were the plaintiff in SC and the defendant of the Delhi High Court ruling, their focus of contention were not religion based. Such religion based contention would have fallen face first in Indian court where the concept of secularity must rule supreme, as per the constitution. Although, there is also a matter of religious freedom, it would not have worked here. The main discussion was thus focused on public health, specifically HIV/AIDS spread due to widespread sexual immorality if s377 is writ down. In Delhi High Court that was overruled due to lack of evidence and presence of evidence of the contrary. WHO provided some significant statistics in this matter. Details of the ruling are available on public domain if you wanna read the long pdf. http://judis.nic.in/supremecourt/imgs1.aspx?filename=41070


Lastly, SC did not overrule Delhi High Court's ruling in order to define sexual morality and to uphold an unused outdated law. They only defined the power of a lower court to suggest for such writ down. And passed the ball to parliament to do the honours. Now if only the parliament passes the bill in its current session, this law can be writ down. In any case, a clear 2/3 rd majority in upper house is needed to effect the writ down.


Now, these are all technical facts. Let's see what is actually happening. The current coalition in power is somewhat similar to liberal socialists of the USA. Their main vote banks are the minorities, the Scheduled Caste, the Scheduled Tribes and Other Backward Classes. A significant proportion of these are composed of Muslims and Christians and Sikhs. So, they will not do anything to anger the religious leaders of these sects. And the religious right wing nationalist coalition, who is a strong opponent to the said coalition, is tight with these people. After all, in India the masses sway to religious fervor. They will put their vote where these leaders ask them to. This is because the general lack of education and unthinkable poverty makes them more vulnerable to God's people's council (yes just like in the middle ages). Although the current government has done much for the poor and the less fortunate, the staggering population makes it impossible to reach all. There is still much to be done. Unless the level of education is increased beyond a certain benchmark, social issues like homosexuality will never be properly understood by the masses. After all, if you are concerned about how to feed your son and daughter the next day, you can hardly be interested in what the upperclassmen of the metropolis are talking about in their comfortable drawing rooms. Still this is an issue that needs to be addressed, because globalization has hit India hard and these issues need to be discussed if India is to step into the new millennium.


India is a country of apparent contradictions. It is hard to understand things in a linear view. People in general are not completely against homosexuality; Especially in the metro cities, they are quite supportive. Homosexuality in men are more accepted than in women. Honour killings and rapes of LGBT are still a regular thing albeit under-reported. And the status of security of women are in all time low. But, that doesn't mean women are suppressed. For an upper-middle-class educated Bengali household my family is extremely supportive of my choices. I have seen the same with a number of other families. Then, there are those who appear liberal superficially but are deeply bigoted in heart. My religious Muslim friends are okay with my choices even if they are not okay with homosexuality. They see it as a personal choice and leave it there. Yet some of my Hindu associates find homosexuality abhorring and are all too vocal of their disgust, sometimes beyond the border of civility. This is weird since Hinduism has no moral code against Homosexuality while Islam does. Also there is a strong connection between history of childhood sexual abuse and homosexuality in the popular psyche.


s377 is making rounds in the media circus at the moment. The Central government (federal gov) has come out in support of the writ down. And so has a good number of politicians and ministers. However, with elections next year it is highly unlikely that a bill will be passed. Then again, Indian politics is big on minority games and if LGBT are solidified into a minority and a significant vote bank, then things will start changing really fast. Everybody wants the pink vote. Ultimately next year when the other coalition comes to power (as they most expectedly will, since the current rulers have sent the economy to dumps and the other party is considerably better at managing the economy), the prosecution of the LGBT will reach record high. Homosexuality is after all the result of western influence in Indian society, as per these bigots, therefore most ardently to be battled and the society to be purified back to its ancient glory. Trial by fire...



The best you can do for us now is, pray and wish us luck.


The Kiss

You can move mountains, they say
If only you ask with love
I found it true when my
Softest touch moved your reluctance away
And I saw the sun rise
Though before I was blind
And its warmth pierced my heart
In million rays, in million ways
I felt it burn, I cried out
“Gloria in excelsis Deo”
Every kiss tells a story
Ours was the beginning







Oh dyer of mine, Dear Dyer of mine,

Please reveal your secrets divine,

What concoction have you created dear,

Of your colors and godforsaken water!

My heart’s all blue in love so profound,

My cloak’s soaked in saffron unbound…



How am I to complain of my tale?

I like a stubborn asked you to color my veil,

Oh! Your colors penetrated my fabric, insane,

Deep within my heart ‘n soul everything’s dyed of your stain,

Color my heart away, Oh this feelin’…



Dyer, Are you so intoxicated on Opium!

Why ask me, what shade now to come undone?

Color and stains are your business of things,

You only know, what should you be coloring…



My beloved hue, My soul mate shade,

My spring , my autumn, my rainfall, you color all my seasons with your palette

A single drop of your love ingredient

Just a single drop of your romantic blend

Colors up my seven seas in a second,



Color me off limits, Color my boundaries,

Color me extreme, color my unceasing infinities,

My temple, My mosque, My entire world indeed


Oh dyer, why must we be separated by two different spaces,

Paint just one single shade to both worlds with your embraces,



Paint every moment,

The courtyards of my maternal and marital heavens

Drape in one single shade all my 24 sevens

Color my sleep, color my peace,

Color even the creases of my dreams,



Color my amazement of you,

Come paint the desires of my heart too,

Color away our union,

And if you can’t, forget not to paint our separation,

Even with the pain of being apart, i must live on,

Color my dare to carry on,



O dyer of mine,

What’s your own real color? Reveal your shine,

Oh you’re my lover, my resting ground is you,

My color and my colorful dyer too,

My sail, my center of ocean,

I sink in you, I come afloat under your beacon

Your every word is my supreme given


You are my owner and my dearest friend,

My breathing soul is in your able hands,

Oh my murderer, my justice giver

I’m clueless without you forever,



My journey, my travel mate in sight,

My riddance, My genesis, My guiding light,

My lord is you, my disciple too,

I found a sage and divine signs in you,


Where could I go without you,

Where could I go without you,

Where could I ever go without you,

Without you...



Oh dyer of mine, Dear dyer of mine,

Please reveal your secrets divine,

What concoction have you created dear,

Of your colors and godforsaken water!

My heart’s all blue in love so profound,

My cloak’s soaked in saffron unbound…



This stunning poetry is a translation of a Sufi song used in the film "Tanu weds Manu" (2011) titled "Rangrez" ("The Dyer"). This is the original translation made by the composer Krsna. The actual song is in a heavily Urdu laden Hindi. While I don't agree to the translated work in all places, the original is absolutely electrifying and the song sung by the famous Wadali Brothers in their traditional Quwali Style is simply amazing.


Sufism sees the world and its maker through the lenses of Love. Everything is reminiscent of love to them. They see God as the lover and human soul the beloved and vice versa. This is a very intimate relationship bordering on madness. The Dyer mentioned here is of course God and the color of saffron is the color of sacrifice, complete and utter surrenderance. The whole soulful manner of the poetry and beautiful metaphors make it a sumptuous meal. Even if you ignore the religious fervor, it is an excellent love poem on its own.


For those who are interested in the original: http://krsnamusic.com/lyrics/tanu-weds-manu-lyrics/tanu-weds-manu-song-rangrez-lyrics-english-translation-rangrez-meaning/


The Vigil


I have waited many nights like this

Through the dissident thunders and winds running wild

Through raindrops trickling from the broken windows

I have waited in my vigilant silence


So dark your visage yet tranquil as smoggy mornings

I have spent many nights trying to discern their silhouette

Against the many shades of grey my vision had painted

In the bleak canvas of nature’s blasphemous hawking


I fear her call, the insistent solicitation of a harlot

Aware of nature’s charm in beguiling nubile minds

I confront my passions in the obscure an’ dilapidated

And in my heart find abeyance my only true calling


Thus on nights like this I wait

I wait for a chance glimpse

A miracle wrapped in misery

And a deliverance eternal





My beloved didn’t answer my prayer
I tried all my usual tricks
I dried my tears at his feet
I covered my head in my shame and walked away


Finally understood what it is to lose, to a pretty face
An uncaring smile and those ravishing eyes
Snuffed out my soft ambers’ austere plea
My beloved didn’t look back




It is necessary to see death.


It is necessary to see death, stark naked, lurid and wild,
Death as it pisses in the dark alleyways drunk and ecstatic on the jumps of drugs
that are hard to name and harder to pronounce, it is still necessary to see death face to face.
In a breach of society sanctioned lucidity hardwired in our brain,
It is still very necessary to see death,
To see the violent vandalism of civilization,
Of ashes and nuclear death of atoms and atom bombs,
Billions of flashlights burning up the sky,
Smell of rotten carcass evaporating in sterile perfume of laboratory engineered poisons,
Gases and liquids and solid whites of the eyes of the dead and the suffering of millions upon millions
of innocence of ruthless greed of narcissist wankers.
It is necessary to see death as it is, for the spring of flowers is nearly over and now we make war.




Adoration By Tears


So long it has been since I have touched those soft lashes of delicate yield

So long it has been since I kissed those smooth curves of apple

So long it has been since I glorified those abyss of passion, dark and deep

So long it has been since I adorned your transcendent frame, your mask of deceit





So this particular blog post is peculiar in a way, because here I am going to share something I am passionate about... actually not one but two things... Music & Poetry. Bollywood industry of the yesteryears has produced some of the most talented musicians - Singers, lyricists, composers and even directors who have indeed put those musical gems into an appropriate wrapper of cinema and actors who emoted the languish and the laughter, bringing life to the lyrics. Bollywood is wellknown to give complete entertainment and these songs truly represent that. I, in this particular post, am going to talk about two special songs that describe, what LOVE is! A seemingly simple question has created by far unseemingly huge number of answers in all of human disciplines. This may just be the poetic solution to those all.


The first song is picturized on Dev Anand(India's first truly international star) and Wahida Rahman(admittedly one the most beautiful Indian woman of all time). Singers are eponymous Lata Mangeshkar and Kishor Kumar. For the uninitiated in Indian music, these names may not ring a bell, but any Indian will most clearly tell you Lata Mangeshkar is India's true jewel in the crown after Koh-i-noor. And a musical genious like Kishor Kumar comes once every millenium, a natural tallant who is capable of keeping Lata (with her gazillion years of musical training) on tiptoe without any particular musical training to call own at all. No words can properly describe this dynamic duo that, for Indian music's good fortune, came at the same time in history. You have to listen and make your own assumptions. SD Burman, as another stalwarth of his field, is one of the greatest music directors India has ever seen. We will keep him for another day. This song from Prem Pujari shows all that I rhapsodized about.



The lyrics for the song above in plain english, check out the fluidity of the verse. This is the best translation I found over the net. Lyricist: Neeraj


Take a fair amount of mischief,

Some mirth and jokes in liberal showers,

Get the surge of the ocean from a coral reef,

And mix in the radiance of flowers.

Then add a small measure of liquor.

The state of giddy stupor

That you get from all the above

Is what we call love.


Love is like a childhood full of laughter.

It is like the weather gone off kilter.

May feel like an ember while you still flirt.

But as soft as dewdrops when you touch it in spurt.

And no matter where you are,

It could be a known place or somewhere far.

You could be in a crowd or all alone,

In the middle of a fete or in solo zone.

What lingers in your mind like a hand in a glove.

That is what we call love.


And if one had to identify that loved one,

His colour like molten gold is magnetic, bright,

Warming your world each day like the sun.

Her body would ooze the nectar of life

Softly purging your mind of all strife.

As if a tune buoyant and light

Played softly in the still of the night.

And no matter if it is sunny or gray.

What waits for you each moment while you are away,

With the peace and calm of a dove,

Is what we call love.


When you remember your love interest,

Loneliness too passes by with ease.

As if a flute plays and stays abreast

Breathing life into a town like the breeze.

And whatever be your worldly pursuits

The daze that consumes you and refuses to wane,

The intoxication that lightens your routes,

The colour that permeates each lane,

As if cascading from the heavens above,

That'S what we call love.


The next song is again a Dev Anand/Kishor Kumar/SD Burman number. And it is about love again. Lyricst: Mira Dev Burman, wife to SD. From the same movie:



Took some floral tints for a start,

And used the pen of my heart,

To write you a letter each day and vent,

A few words about how you torment

Me each and every moment.


I go to sleep dreaming of you.

I wake up and your memory uncurls.

I remain entangled in your thoughts,

Like the thread in a string of pearls.

Clouds and lightening, sandalwood and water.

That is how we are bound together.

There are many storms we have to weather.

We’ll have to take birth many times.

So intoxicating are this love’s rhymes,

So sweet it’s enchanting chimes.

We’ll have to take birth many times….


You are the music that I breathe,

The lilt of my heartbeat.

You are the swan song of my dreams-

Precious, one of a kind.

You are the bloom that gleams

And scents the lanes of my mind.

Whether it’s a short journey

Or a long sojourn.

Whether it’s a deserted cranny

Or a vibrant congregation.

The moment I think you out aloud,

My heart is alone in a crowd.


North or south, east or west.

Your smile adds zest

to all directions.

And I do try my best,

Using all sense and inflections,

To avoid, evade and desist.

But it becomes more difficult to resist.

Storms stopped me, raging thunders curbed.

The world called me fondly away.

But I went on unperturbed.

A picture was enough to hold sway

For me to leave all and come your way.

We will have to take birth many times.

So intoxicating are this love’s rhymes,

So sweet it’s enchanting chimes….


The metaphores used are classical Indian in nature and the language heavily Urdu-laden Hindi. The poetics of these pieces far surpass my level, and I can only feel awed by such marvelous creations. Ofcourse, the english version is somewhat watered down compared to the original, yet still retains it's flavour and beauty unmixed. The question of love will, although haunt you forever, but now hopefully you will have a melody to acompany it. Hugs and Chocolates. Share your thoughts in the comment.


blog-0198356001363071552.jpgIt is often very difficult to put into words what you feel. I am better at this with poetry. But, simple hard truths are never really my style. I like them the way I like hungry lions, caged and at a distance, preferably with a loaded gun in my hand. Yet, sometimes it becomes emphatic to tell the truth. And then it becomes hard.


For years I have worn many masks; Masks of happiness, of humour, of grandiosity, of known lies and unknown truths. But, beneath all that garbage, lies a scared boy and a vain man and a chimera of sorts, made of all the failures and loses that life puts you through. I hide my true self beneath the said masks because, I fear the naked skin underneath that is vulnerable and raw.


Right at this moment, as I am writing this, my self preservation systems are shutting down my brain and my hands are not following my command. My mind is going blank. I thought, I am capable of putting this out, putting my bleeding heart on a plate. But, clearly as always I misjudged myself. May be some other day.


Just a little info, I think I am in love with a certain someone, I am not telling whom, so don't ask. And I am afraid, terrified, petrified that if he knows, he will or will not return my feelings. But, if he does, it will end up as a failure sooner than later. And I will be alone once more and the darkness will eat me up whole. That is the subject of my recurrent nightmares, that have pushed me to the end of my sanity. I'm tired of going through the same dream of acceptance and then eventual harsh rejection or worse. It is curious to note that, my mother, who is a lovely lady and the queen of my heart, figures prominently in these dreams, and more often than not, is the source of the discordance, direct or indirectly. Even funnier still, is the fact that she always leaves me at the end of the nightmare. Abandoned by my mother and my lover, I finally drown in heretofore unknown depths of despair and languishment.


It is very unlike me to remove my masks and let my rotten carcass breath the air. But, the nightmares have become unbearable, and I want the routine to end. So, I have chosen to make this public (which is also a part of the inner fear). Hopefully, it will end here... or not.


Forever will be our destination.
I will wait for you,
On the other side of the river
Of memories, of life and yet not of regrets.


I will remember our time together
As the golden springs long past;
A silence that became music which turned still once more,
A passionate embrace frozen in time.


Then, we will meet again on the other side of the river,
And we will resume our dance once more, now and forever.




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