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Grad School Faux-Paus


methodwriter85

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I had a bit of a faux-paus today where I cracked some joke that I wouldn't let up on, and the professor took me aside and told me that I might not be picking up on the social cues that I was ticking off some of the kids in the class.

 

I felt pretty embarrassed, although it reiterated to me what a great professor I have. It just reminded me that social cues and graces just are never going to be second-nature to me, and that I really have to remember when I should let my guard down and just free-flow or when I should perhaps think about what I'm saying before I say it. She also reminded me that I'm in a different area, and that some things that might be joked about casually where I'm from aren't taken so nonchalantly here.

 

The other dimension to this is that I've been feeling tension with some of the people in my department, and it has been bothering me. There's this dude. I'll call him "Eric". Eric is this arrogant ass who, on the account of the fact that he's somewhat cute and cocky, has several of the girls in our department hanging on to his every word. He doesn't like me, and I've been feeling tension with the guy since week 1. He's got this wingmen, this girl who never leaves his side and likes to snub me right along with him. And they, and to a lesser extent their developing clique, have just made me feel very uncomfortable. I've been snubbed many times before, but experiencing this as a 24-year in the grad school setting just has me flabbergasted. I wasn't expecting to run into that kind of mentality here, and it's left me a little disjointed. I think this, combined with the gentle lashing I got from the professor, really got me down. So tonight after class I just sorta went out with my lone friend there, got drunk, and sang LFO's "Summer Girls" to forget about life for awhile. (As fate would have it, my job is shifting around hours and I don't have the Tuesday shift I thought I had.) I won't make a habit out of Monday Night Drinking, but it really helped to talk my friend and to talk to my roommate. They both basically just said to me, "Don't let the assholes bother you, just continue being you but take a second to think about whether a joke you might crack might rub people the wrong way."

 

Justin, my roomate, was basically like, "JR, you're fine. You're doing your work. You're getting assignments done. You've balancing in your 9-hour job, and you've got the resident hall stuff you're doing. You're making friends. Don't let the few assholes get you down."

 

He's definitely right. It was good to just talk this all out, though- one of the things I learned from life is that not talking about my problems and letting things build- that causes bigger problems in the end. I will take up my advisor/professor's invitation to talk at some point, and just...keep on keeping on, I guess.

 

 

4 Comments


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There are too many good things about this world and good people in it to let the bad ones ruin it for ya. Ya know?

 

What you lack in social skills I'm sure you make up for in other areas. :) So work with what ya got. Ya know?

 

I hope the rest of your week is better

 

James

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yeah no shit, how old are you? That sounds like high school shit. You're there to learn and soak up knowledge, nothing more! :devil:

 

In another reality, probably Freud's or something stupid - HE HAS A CRUSH ON YOU TEEEHEEEE~~

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You're gonna run into people like that your whole life....I got people I don't get along with at work, school, w/e either. Those people don't give a sh*t about you, so it's not doing you any favor to keep them in your mind and let em bother you until you can't sleep. Just do what you're there to do, do a good job at it and that's it.

 

And that last bit about "keep on keeping on"....that's kinda lame. If you're gonna do something, why just go for the minimum? Go for something higher.

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Yeah, the kindergarten stuff never ends.

 

In the two departments I've been in, I've met so many cliques like that. I used to be a teaching asistant, and this other TA thought we were in competition or something, so one day when one of my best students ran into her in the hall looking for me, she took him into her office and started teaching him completely incorrect stuff so he would do poorly on his test (he had this documented on a worksheet she wrote on and unfortunately I was too stupid to bring it up to the department chair). There have been so many instances when (usually the same cliques of people) lied about me to the faculty to get me fired from my job or somehow damage my reputation with the profs, but luckily the faculty realized I was just being picked on.

After 2 1/2 yrs I was ready to drop out of grad school after the third time a bunch of fellow grad students lied to the faculty about me and I almost got fired form my job until the responsible faculty realized they were lied to. Oh, btw, I failed my MA comps at first attempt because they gave me incomplete preparation material (in our department you get the materials from fellow grad students, passed down and improved with each generation). They only gave me about 50% of the materials and claimed they were complete, so I went into the oral exam completely under-prepared.... afterwards my committee chair resolved the issue and told me there was a lot of material I obviously hadn't received.

 

Now I just ignore everyone in my department and don't go to any of the beginning/end of semester picknicks and whatever social functions. So yeah... be aware of who your friends are and that sometimes it's better to not be too close with anyone you're studying with... I can't wait till next year when I start my dissertation and can leave my department pretty much behind :D

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