I hope you all enjoyed the last Improve & Encourage feature, because it's time for another one. These features are meant to both provide feedback to authors and, similar to story reviews, point out stories that readers might not otherwise have found. It's similar to a review, in that the person doing the critique tells you what they liked about the story, but it differs in that they also provide constructive criticism. Each author signed up to participate, and sign up's are still open!  These will post once a month until we no longer have content. Once that happens, I will critique the last author that posted. If you'd like to provide a critique for the blog, sign up in the thread. I'm hoping to have a lot more authors sign up, and just remember, by signing up, you are also volunteering to have your story critiqued and featured.

Between the Push and the Pull

Hudson Bartholomew

Critique By: Wicked WItch

Please give us a short summary of the story you chose.

Ryan carefully separates the real him from his façade as Roman Cox, porn actor. But when he is recruited for a new type of porn, with story and romance flaring between the characters, he finds it harder and harder to separate what is happening in front of the cameras from his real attraction for fellow actor Erik.

What do you see as the strengths of the story/poem?

The summary I’ve written makes this story sound way too much like a corny erotic romance. As the character Ryan mentions what they do on screen is much like a Harlequin romance, but Hudson Bartholomew manages to provide real emotional depth in this story that quickly breaks any illusion of this being such a book.

The description and imagery here are wonderful and make things flare to life in the readers mind, and Hudson has crafted a very interesting plot. Though the sequence of events that make up the beginning middle and end are not complex, the emotional journey the characters embark upon is winding and twisted. The plot of the porno being filmed, the story of Ryan and Erik’s private lives, and the story of their meeting all explore the way the psyche deals with many issues.

Trying to write this, I honestly feel like I am back in Literature analysing stuffy old Victorian novels. There is so much interesting exploration of the psyche in this work that almost deserves an essay. But Hudson livens it all up with a modern story and a dash of the erotic that makes it a really enjoyable read.

Those stuffy Victorians would be scandalised.

What do you see as the weaknesses of the story/poem?

This is the most difficult part as I don’t see too many weaknesses. The romance felt a little one sided as we just don’t see enough of Erik for my liking. The character of Erik could’ve been explored a bit more deeply, but he is still a well rounded and solid, believable person. I’d have liked to sneak a peak more into his mind however. In addition there were some minor typos in the work that could do with being rectified.  

How do you think the story/poem could be improved?

Another run over by an editor might improve this by cutting out some of the typos. Another edit would help almost any story however, that said, so it is a general thing.

While pacing is good, I think that making this work a bit longer and working in more of Erik’s perspective would really build things up more.  We get a glimpse or two of his life but we see into Ryan’s world far more deeply than Erik’s.
 

As much as I don’t love the ending of this work, because I’m a sappy fool and it was heartbreaking, I think that it works with the piece. Now, a sequel would be perfection.

What was your favorite part? (scene/sentence/etc)

I’m of two minds about my favourite part. I don’t want to spoil things, so I won’t quote anything. But the ending is my favourite, and yet my least favourite. Because it left me a temporary emotional wreck, I hate the ending. Yet it is so beautifully written and it makes so much sense to the story, and so I love it. The descriptions, the power of the words. It was perfect in one way and so heart wrenching in another.

I feel so deeply unsatisfied that it couldn’t end another way, and yet it was such a good ending. It inspired deep emotion. I could – I still can - see the scene so vividly in my mind. I feel like these characters may yet haunt me; they feel so real, even though they are fiction.