Relationships, what really defies one? When you meet someone you both decide to form a union between the two of you. It is a commitment that no one else will come between, but when two friends of the same sex create this what does it really mean? While growing up we are brain washed to believe it will have to be between a man and a woman, but what if those men secretly like men? You know the down low or bi-curious men. Can they truly have a relationship with another man? Maybe seeing it as a bromance makes it a little easier for them to go through with it. However you chose to look at it, it’s still dating.
I had this friend I’ll just call X. X was someone I counted on for a lot, as did he did with me. In the beginning the motions were ones of just a friendship, yet as time went on we learned it could be more. If he needed someone to vent to, I was there. If I needed a shoulder to cry on he would hold me. For the first few years of our friendship we build this bond that most men didn’t have with another man, with me being gay and he straight that was a given.
The first night I realized things with X were different was when he had been badly blown off by a girl. That night we drank until he couldn’t drink anymore then we crashed. I held him all night as he held onto me. X was a good guy, an attractive one too, but for some reason he picked the wrong girls. Makes you think right? Every girl he dated seemed to want nothing more than just sex from him. Ironically for a man his heart was always on his shoulder, or maybe he was really looking for something a woman couldn’t give him?
Let’s fast forward to three months later. X was trying to be a man all about the girls. You know those types. Strip clubs, random hook ups, and getting girls to cheat on their man with you. I felt as though he was now taking a new path to find a girl, only this night that didn’t work. We ended up going back to his place where the night lead to hours of amazing, mind blowing sex. The kind of sex you’ve only heard about. So X never said he liked men nor did he ever say his sexuality, but I knew, he was bi-curious. The sex between us was way more than just a random thing, it felt as though it was a buildup of a strong connection between us that no one would admit.
Although the sex didn’t happen as often as I had wanted, X made sure to treat me better than most men had before. He would take me out for drinks, dinner, sometimes even the movies. The nights we spent in he made sure to listen and still be that man I needed to count on, as I did for him. Our friendship seemed to advance to a new level, sadly that didn’t last long.
Like most bi-curious men X would go back to women. Once that happened I was out of the picture and sometimes for a while. Only when the girl was gone X would come crawling back to me, the one person that would always be there. I never minded being that person for X it made me feel more fulfilled. The friendship we had was one that was much needed in life and one you would do anything for. We all have those friends that we call ride or die and X was the one man I learned I could truly count on, well at most times.
X never wanted to admit what we had was something real nor could he ever admit to having actual feelings for another man. One time when he was drunk he confessed his love for me and how he felt I was the one. He went on to explain that he never looked at a man the way he saw me. The truth was somehow he had fallen for me and I knew he was scared. Since I had first met X he always had the women, there was never a girl he couldn’t get. When out, I’d see girls throw themselves at him along with his phone always going off. Some girl begging him to take her back or one needing him to satisfy her. We believe women view sex differently than men while being X’s friend I learned some use men more. Sadly for X he was the type of guy that you had to have at least once, okay maybe twice.
The thing was I never treated X as some dick that could make me scream. He was always more to me and that I knew he felt. When we would be together he made sure I was always his main one, I was always the one he went to. Only for some reason once a girl showed any kind of interest he threw me out like the trash. The part that killed me the most was he even had the nerve to disappear and ignore me. As if I would expose him or ruin his current fling, but that always ended and he found his way back to me.
When that happened the dating and the nights of amazing sex would continue. He always made sure to spoil me and make me feel as if I was the one person he wanted to spend his life with. I was always the first person he called in the morning and the last one he would text before bed. It was funny that a man who considered himself straight treated me better than a man that was openly gay. X really did know how to make his other half someone that was more than just special, I was his everything. We never called each other boyfriends, just best friends.
It was funny though when we were together he made it very clear I couldn’t see or have sex with anyone else. In fact he made sure I got everything I needed from a man. We took care of each other sexually, mentally, and honestly financially. We never wanted or needed a thing when together. Everyday we did all we could to keep each other happy. It was better than any relationship either of us had been in, at the time. Even though he could never admit he was bi-curious, or that we were dating, X really was a good boyfriend.
Only when it came to women he still couldn’t say no. I felt X wanted us to work out only on his terms. For him he wanted to be able to go off and be with a woman when he needed. Then to have me there waiting for him when he wanted me back. For four years this went on. I dated X and no matter what he thought, he had a boyfriend. Bi-curious men sometime have a different idea of what it is to date or be with another man. Maybe I didn’t know what it was to date a bi-curious man, yet.
X and I finally ended it all when he met a girl and they got married. That was it. For at least ten months we no longer spoke until one day he text me. We talked debating if we should try and be friends or work on us. Of course this lead to us hanging out and then he would be nothing but apologetic. X made sure I understood the why behind his hiding and that he would make me happy again. He would build up new promises and make plans for us. This time I knew to stay away but when he told me he loved me and needed me, I had to go back. If I had listened more closely I would have heard that drunk in his voice. X only admitted any feelings to me when he was drunk.
So we would meet up for drinks and as the drinking got heavier X would begin to talk about how much he needed me. Then once we got into his truck he started to cry and tell me that he doesn’t know why he keeps pushing me away. Crying that I am the only person that has ever truly been there for him. We’d hung and he’d hold me begging me to forgive him and how he never wants me to leave again. Then we would go back to his place and we would have some of the best sex, I swear his neighbors had to have heard us a few times.
Every time we had sex I felt as though we grew closer together and what we had became stronger. The feeling I’d get when he touched me or I felt him deep inside showed me we were more then just friends. But there’s only so much that moment of passion can give you until it’s over. The moment we would finish X did seem a little distant only it was always the next day he started to wonder about us. This time he called me the next day trying to make an excuse as to why he told me all he did. He would always make sure to end the conversation with telling me I was his best friend, yeah I was more than that.
After a few days had passed we would be back to normal. He usually only acted a little nervous after anal sex, as if that was going too far. Yet he wouldn’t feel bad to ask for oral sex every time I saw him. That was like most guys though for them to get head was a must, not that I am complaining. X just didn’t seem to understand what was truly between us. Part of me felt he wanted a boyfriend yet was too afraid to give into his feeling for me. It seemed every time we got one step closer to actually being a couple he’d find a girl. Then he was gone and that’s exactly what happened again.
X met a girl and he seemed to believe this was the “one”. We spent weeks talking and arguing about the situation. I couldn’t help but feel used, which I had no idea why he felt the same way. We both realized there was no reason to talk about this. Whatever X and I had was truly over.
We did have a different relationship honestly one we could never explain. Our story may never have a happy ending, but it ended. We both just stopped talking to each other and went on with our new lives.
Bi-curious men sometimes come with a lot of baggage. Very few know how to put it in the back of their minds while others continue to follow their paths. Each man sees a relationship with another man differently and soon we may not be able to tell what we really are. Then there are the men that truly are just curious maybe not ready for the physical side of the relationship. When it comes to dating, every guy is different. I wonder how far they would let their curiosity take them???