Curiosity killed the cat they use to say, but what about everything else? Maybe as humans we are left to wonder as to how far we’d let curiosity take us. Growing up we often just went with the flow yet as adults we stop and think of the consequences. This usually helped to make a decision. Then there’s that time in your life when you always gave into curiosity and figured you’d deal with the outcome later.
That always makes me think about life and the things we would do. If you knew you would question it later why do it? Being people we are subjected to emotions and having that feeling of fulfillment. Sometimes it’s another person that brings you happiness while at times it can be the little things. What if what you thought would bring you happiness didn’t quite give you that feeling of satisfaction? What would you do? Would you stick with what you knew or would you give into that curiosity to see what could it bring?
I met this guy while working at a mall in Portland. He was around my age and stylish, one thing I remember is he always wore some type of glasses that went with his outfit. So let’s call him G. G was a very nice guy and always seemed interested in getting to know me. In the beginning our time together was spent on a quick lunch or a fast smoke break. Which most times never gave us much of a chance to really chat. Until one day he finally asked me out, yes he asked me out on a date. Saying “Let’s just go out on a date and see what happens.” He did make it clear he had thought of dating another man before only now was willing to try.
Date one: Dinner
We decided to grab dinner one night at a nice Italian spot not far from where we worked. The moment we sat down we both were having a great time. I told him about my country upbringing and he filled me in on growing up in a big city. He always made it a point to give me his full attention and I did as well. Hours passed and the conversation only got better and I was beginning to see G in a different light. He now was a sweet interesting man I needed to l get to know. He showed me a little affection like touching my hand, resting his hand on my thigh, or giving me a flirty half smile. It did seem like a real date and at this point of my life a great one.
The night ended and we both went our separate ways. Only he made sure to plan a second date which made me excited for the days to come.
Date two: Movies
A few days later we met up at the movies. He picked the movie which thankfully it was a horror film, my favorite. We sat in the back of the theater both a little nervous and unsure what to do. The movie started so that kept most of our attention. As the movie went on he finally made a move placing his hand on mine. We smiled to each other as our hands gripped to other then went back to the movie. When the movie got to its scary point G’s arm found its way around my shoulders. So I rested my head on him as my hand held tight to his thigh. We stayed like that tell the end of the movie. He walked me to my car and gave me a nice tight hug. I watched as he went to his car and we both left.
Two days later he called me to see if I wanted to grab dinner again that coming Friday. I agreed and we set the tone for our third date.
Date three: Dinner
We met after work one day and he drove us downtown where we went to some little bistro he knew of. The place had a romantic setting and the food was amazing. Each time he looked to me I saw his eyes light up. When he smiled I couldn’t help but feel excitement dance inside of me. I was really starting to feel a little something for him and be the way he acted showed me he did as well. We shared a desert and then went for a walk. It was a perfect night for that and us being 19 there wasn’t much else to do.
He suggested we drive around and really get to see all sides of Portland. So that’s what we did for the next few hours. It turned out to be fun and it gave us time to get into those more personal conversations. He told me about his ex-girlfriends and I told him about the guys I had dated. That was when the feeling between us changed. He began to act more closed off to me. The talking started to slow down as we let the music take over. I sat there looking out of the window wondering what had changed his attitude.
It was a very basic goodbye which left me to think this was probably done. Only G called me a few days later to see if I wanted to meet up that coming weekend. I figured he just needed a few days to get over whatever he had in his head so I agreed to meet him.
Date four: Drinks
He called me the day we were going out to tell me he had gotten some vodka and wanted us to have drinks at his place. I went over early that evening and he seemed more than excited to see me. He had drinks made for us and music playing. It was a small two bedroom apartment which I guess his roommate was out. There was only one couch to sit on so we sat and caught up on the week. As the drinking continued he was starting to open up more with me, not to mention becoming very touchy. I was actually starting to think he did like me.
When we got to the three drink point and let me tell you he was making them strong. He went on to tell me how he had never thought about being with a man until recently. Apparently he started having random gay fantasies and begin to see men more attractive. His curiosity started to take over and he was now unsure if he liked men or just wanted to fool around with them. He claimed he had been having a great time with me and he was surprised he was able to actually date me. He just wasn’t sure if this would be something he could take any further.
Once the forth drink was done we both sat there looking at each other smiling until he finally made a move. G leaned in kissing me so hard that his tongue danced everywhere. He was a sloppy kisser then again we were both young. We kissed for a while then he pulled back looking at me a little nervous so I offered to make us another drink. I went into the kitchen and hadn’t noticed G followed me. The moment I turned around he grabbed me kissing me again only this time his kisses were less wet and more passionate. Maybe he just needed to get over his nerves.
Somehow we found our way to his room and to his bed. We lay there he on top of me as the kissing continued. This time our hands began to explore the others body which caused excited to grow throughout my body. The way he was reacting I figured he was feeling the same until out of nowhere he jumped off me and stood at the side of the bed. He looked to me then left the room I followed behind but he locked himself in the bathroom. I waited a few minutes yet he never came out. I went to the door and knocked he didn’t answer. So I left.
The next day I called him and he didn’t answer so I decided to just leave it alone. I saw him around the mall a few times that week but he would just look away. Now I didn’t see any reason to worry or reach out to him anymore. One day a few weeks later I noticed I had a voicemail from him so I listened to it. He apologized at least three times then went on to say he had gotten scared and wasn’t sure if he could have gone through with sex. He said he was still curious about dating a man but just really needed to take things very slow.
I didn’t call him back and whenever I saw him around I just smiled then went on with my day. It was sad that he didn’t even think he could actually talk to me about his feelings or fears with this for that matter. I tried to make it known I was more than willing to be there for him and help him feel out his curiosity. Not once was there any pressure to do anything because I had always waited for him to make the first move. Of course I expected him to need to figure his own feelings out and I knew he may need some time. I just wasn’t sure if the place he was at was one I would be able to go through. Not that I was wanting the sexual side I just wanted to be able to talk more about his feelings so we could both understand the pace needed. Some men just don’t like to share their emotions.
G and I never spoke again and made no attempts too. It’s funny how some things work out here G was curious about being with a man only it seemed to scare him. For some men it was probably like this having a thought in the back of their mind only they may never really know what it’s about. I had gone out on a few dates with G and it was a lot of fun so for that I can still smile about our short time.
Apparently curiosity killed more than just the cat, it killed whatever friendship we could of had. You can never tell what the future might hold when dating a bi-curious man. Sometimes the relationship can develop into something real or just sex. So I wonder what would happen when curiosity leads you further and there’s some unfinished business that needs true closure???
For other stories check out The DL Diaries available at Amazon and Kindle. Coming soon volume two of DL Diaries series DL in the City…