Ask yourself this, what does closure mean to you? As we saw before some questions can be left unanswered while some feelings may be left unspoken. When we part ways with another person, no matter the reasoning we will always be stuck in our heads wondering what we did, or how could this have played out differently, right? In most cases the best thing to do is let it go and move on. Only we have feelings, even if you try to hide them, they are still there. There will come a time we can no longer fight them and soon they all will surface. Why do we as people allow this to happen? Why must we inflict that type of pain or sadness on each other? My guess is it helps you feel like the winner, as if you finally had the last word. But what happens to the one left to deal with all the pain and questioning?
I had this friend I just call Mess because every aspect of his life was a mess. Now he was a nice guy not the most handsome, but tried to make up for that with his worked out body. I didn’t know his girlfriend nor did I know how he treated women. I heard through people he was always cheating and making more drama for himself then needed. I won’t get into that, unlike what people say I don’t gossip. I just tell my story as I can.
Mess and I hung out often and confided in each other. It was nice having that friend you could talk too, yet was also not connected to any other friends you both had. A few weeks after he and his girl called it quits again he came to me looking for a friend. He was crying harder than I had ever heard another man cry before. All he wanted was to speak to her one last time. He wanted to know all the whys and if he could fix this. She had blocked and deleted him out of her life this time so my guess was she was officially done. Only I wouldn’t be the one to tell him that. Since I too was going through being dropped by someone I was more then welling to be that friend. I knew we both really needed a shoulder.
A few days of us complaining over the phone he suggested we try something. Since he felt we both had so much to get out. At this point anything that would help I was welling to try. I, as he wanted to get over the recent events of our love lives. He felt if I pretended to be the ex-girlfriend, he could get his remaining feelings out, then he would be the guy that left me. If we had someone to yell at and ask all the questions maybe then we could help the other deal with the present outcomes. So we decided the next morning we would no longer be the friends we were, but now the exes that needed to understand the reasons for ending our relationships. This probably wasn’t a good idea.
The next morning I woke up to a text message from Mess all it said was, “Morning baby, again I’m so sorry can we talk?” Since I was playing the upset girlfriend I didn’t respond. Which only meant an hour later he text me again saying, “Please give me one more chance. I love you and can’t do this if you are not here!” I guess he was taking this very seriously so I figured it was time to get involved.
I text him back, “You hurt me more than anyone else ever has. How can I forgive you?”
He responded, “Give me a chance to explain. Let’s meet somewhere tonight to talk and I promise you can say whatever you want to me okay?” I didn’t text him back for a few hours. Figured I needed to play this just the way she may. Although if this were actually the guy I was hurting over I’d play this completely differently, but it was Mess and I wasn’t going to beg him to come back.
When I felt the time was right I sent a message back denying his request to see me. He began to call me over and over to the point I had to turn my phone off just so I could relax. Sure we were playing a part for each other only we should have set boundaries. Once I felt it was okay I turned my phone on to find a voicemail of Mess crying and just saying please a few times. So the next morning I text him and said, “Tonight we can talk, but that’s it.” He responded quickly stating he would pick a place for us to meet at.
That night I met him at a bar not far from my apartment. The moment I walked in he was smiling and treating me as if I were his girl. He apologized multiple times while offering explanations to every bad thing he had done. And let me tell you as he spoke I saw why she had left him. In all reality I wouldn’t even take him back. Now I wasn’t going to be mean and treat him the way she had been. He had come to me for help and I would do my best to help as I could.
Once he was done he allowed me to speak. I went off on the things that had hurt me while doing my best to act as if what he had done was the root of my problems. It felt so good to get everything out and by the way people were looking at us I could tell they believed us. It was beginning to feel as if Mess really had been my boyfriend and everything bad the others had done was all from him. I did all I could to play the victim to his games.
He walked me home and that was where he hugged me tight whispering in my ear that he loved me a few times. I knew that was because of his girl, but I couldn’t lie it felt nice to hear. We parted ways and I was feeling like I had helped a friend accomplish the closure they had needed. Until the next morning when Mess text me saying, “Thank you for letting me see you last night. I love you more than my own life. I think we can make this work just please let me try again.”
I smiled and didn’t text back. A few hours later he called and when I answered he was crying. He kept calling me baby and again was begging me to take him back. I played it all off as I were her while saying the things I thought she would. Now I didn’t want to stroke my own ego, but I was doing a good job. For a moment there I was starting to feel this was all real. So when he asked me to let him take me out I of course said yes. Don’t ask me why.
We went out that night for dinner then we went to a few bars after. He walked me home only this time when we were at my front door Mess kissed me, yes that he did. It wasn’t just a regular one it was a hard kiss of wanting. One where hands were all over the other and your tongues danced. The funny thing was neither of us fought back in fact we kissed for a good five minutes. Something must have snapped in his head because he pushed me back leaving me standing in my building alone.
This is where our friendship took a turn from what it was. Yes it had started out helping the other deal with issues from a current breakup, yet now I was starting to feel as if we were dating. We began to go out every other night. Not to mention talking on the phone every night before bed and a wake up text from him. We began to use our real names and no longer called the other the name of whom hurt us. It felt odd when we both felt we had to check in with the other, along with asking for permission to go out. From this little thing we played we ironically became boyfriends.
Mess began to send me sweet messages throughout the days and took me to fancy restaurants for dinner. Then after every date ended with us standing in the hallway of my building kissing for a few minutes. As the weeks passed he sent me flowers and little gifts, which of course made me happy. I felt he had actually transformed his feelings from his ex-girlfriend to me. It was nice being treated like this. Only I knew it wasn’t a good idea. That feeling I should have listened too.
One night we went out and he kept the drinks coming. Mess told me about a trip he wanted us to go on and how he wanted to take care of me. It was when he started asking to move in with me I felt if we didn’t stop this now someone would get hurt. The entire point of this was to help the other heal not to get wrapped up in someone else. I had decided that after this date I would tell him we needed to end this. I mean what straight man wanted to be doing this any ways? The dates and gifts where one thing it was the kissing that took us to a completely different realm of friendship.
I should have told him sooner because we both ended up getting really drunk and somehow I invited him up. Nothing was said he pulled me to him and our kissing began only this time it was more intense. Part of me didn’t want it to stop after all we had been doing my body just felt sex was next, but I didn’t want to cross that line with him. I could tell he had been expecting
something because soon his clothes started to came off and as he pulled at mine I stopped him. I asked if he really thought we were dating or if he just needed to get something out of his system.
Mess became angry and got dressed while accusing me of cheating and that was when I reminded him I wasn’t her. He laughed and told me he knew that then he left.
I didn’t hear from Mess for a few days and when I did all he said was, “Thanks for helping me out man. I think I’m good. We’ll chill later.” So I apparently had helped him out in his time of need and for that I was glad I could be there for a friend.
So the best thing for me to do was to let him go and be himself. Since it was all supposed to be a game I too would be good with the fact we had gotten things out. Only a few days later he called me crying again and this time he said if he didn’t see me he would do something to hurt himself. I know he was playing a part but at the same time after everything that had happened I figured it would be better if we hung out.
Now we did hang out once more only for that piece of this story you will have to wait and see what happens.
When it comes to friends we always do what ever we can for them, so ask yourself how far would you go for your friends?
Every story is different and every bi-curious man will take you on a different adventure. I know Mess and I didn’t actually date, in a way there was dating involved. But I couldn’t give you all of the juicy details right up front.…