Something that was rumbling around my head for a while - just some memorandums
Flash backs to a different live - one
The moon sends his silver light through the window of the living room onto your face. Your eyes are closed. Sitting in front of the sofa, I am stroking your hair. Caress after caress is done slowly, silent, with caution not to disturb your dreams. I ask myself, what they are about. I wish it was something sweet, but I doubt it. Even in your sleep, you won't let my hand go. I feel honored. The breathing from the bed room is peaceful, I am glad that they are sleeping. Me alone awake, guarding the ones I love. In your waking hours, you would call this silly, but in the night, when lights fade, you allow me being silly. I quietly smile.
I am walking the street next to you. Silently watching everything, reflecting the evening. A delicious dinner, a great conversation, new friends, trying to figure us out, old friends chatting, same interests an appointment for the next evening – rising heat, excitement. You walk in the middle of us. Eyes sparkling. As we kiss good night, I can feel your passion and I know, everybody sees it, too. Something seldom done, but you made it clear, we are yours – I am yours. Took me by surprise.
Summer evening by the river, it is warm, the sun sets slowly and we are lying on the riverbank, enjoying each other company – content. This was when you asked the serious question. The one you can only answer with yes or everything else will disrupt the peace, which is surrounding us. I am listing to my heart. Hearts whisper... yes.
I know they hurt you, but damn I am not this woman. I am me, would never do things like this to you. Why am I hold responsible, for faults I have never done, pains I never caused? I know, you don't want to do this to me, but it hurts, hurts so much, that I can't breathe, can't move, can't stand up.
I think, you need me more than ever. Glad that someone is holding you already, protecting you. Centimeter by centimeter I am moving towards you. Fighting my pain down, it is just collateral damage. I will be stronger.
An unusual mild spring evening. We are sitting in the garden in front of a bone- fire, me in the middle. Tiered from dancing on the festival. I feel free, loved, safe and strong. What can life do, that we can`t face as long as we are together?