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jamessavik, June 3, 2009 in
Forum Games and Humor
You might be high but Scooby is right there. Hubby and I both see him.
In 1816, the American government spent vast sums building a powerful fort on Lake Champlain. The imposing stone walls of the fort would dominate the lake, and serve as a stern warning to those sneaky British-Canadians, who had attacked through that exact route during the War of 1812—a war so interesting everyone just decided to forget that it lasted until 1815. The construction dragged on for two backbreaking years, and President Monroe even paid an official visit to the site. Then, in 1818, someone from the surveyor’s department turned up and went “Er . . . ”
Yes, it turned out that the original survey of the area was inaccurate, putting the fort a little over one kilometer (three-quarters of a mile) inside Canadian territory. Construction had to be abandoned by an embarrassed U.S. military and the site came to be known as Fort Blunder. In a hilarious final touch, the Webster-Ashburton Treaty of 1842 actually decided that the land had been American all along. The U.S. decided to go through with building the fort, but had to start over from scratch, since the locals on both sides of the border had ripped up and carried off all the stones to build houses and barns.
Two Scotsman were sitting on top of a hill that overlooked their small village. During a break in the conversation, one man lets out a sigh as he's looking down at his village, and his friend asks him what's wrong.
"Look at that town down there." he replied. "You see the bridge crossing the river that leads into our village? I built that bridge with my own two bare hands. But do they call me McGregor, the Bridgebuilder? No.
"And you see the Church in the middle of our village, overlooking the square? Well I built that Church with my own two bare hands. And do they call me...McGregor, the Churchbuilder? No."
He pauses, and looks over at his friend. "But fuck ONE sheep...."
The Haskell Free Library and Opera House exists in both Derby Line, Vermont and Stanstead, Quebec simultaneously. The demarcation line: a row of flowerpots arranged across the Canadian side of the backyard. Although citizens of both towns are permitted to use the library, leaving through the opposite door requires a passport. One American man was arrested upon his return after crossing over to buy a pizza in Stanstead, due to his refusal to go through the proper checkpoint.
Some New England humor:
A city fellow stops his car by a lovely farm, and takes a moment to compliment the farmer:
”Nice place you’ve got here.”
”Yep,” the farmer replies.
”It looks so neat and trim, I bet it would run itself.”
”Sure would, downhill.”
10 minutes ago, jamessavik said:
So freaking true
So...who wants to order Chinese food for Thanksgiving?
A PASTOR visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and unmarried sex if she wants to get into heaven.
The woman said she would try her best. THE PASTOR visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on.
"Not bad" said the woman, "I've given up smoking and drinking, but then I bent over to get some stuff out of the freezer and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, he pulled up my skirt, pulled my panties to one side and made love to me right then and there."
"They don’t like that in heaven, The Pastor said.
The woman replied, "They're not too happy about it in Costco either!"
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there' - and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants.’
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return.
He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.
It read: 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be:
I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche-Turbo in my several garages;
I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Texas.
There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio.
But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off two inches.
Just send the wine back.’
Glad I don't have glasses.
9 hours ago, TLM280249 said:
Maybe he was more afraid of getting a red neck??
If it also tasted like cherries and whipped cream, I think Willy Wonka would be proud.
It'll either make you laugh or gag