Make us laugh!

[TetRefine]

My aunt used to sit next to me at weddings, nudge me, and say "You're next!" She stopped doing that when I started doing the same thing to her at funerals.

 

 

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

[BlueSoxSWJ]

 

 

 

 

 

 

[JamesSavik]

 

That furry is terrifying.

[JamesSavik]

I got a Feeling

[FairyTaleSkies]

Lamebook.com

[Zeoanne]

IDIOT SIGHTING

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes Iknow, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING :
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman, KS



IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE :
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell
and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind
the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry,
but they only had iceburg lettuce..
-- From Kansas City



IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded,
'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham, Ala.


IDIOT SIGHTING :
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS


IDIOT SIGHTING :
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

;
IDIOT SIGHTING :
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

How would you pronounce this child's name?

"Le-a"

Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.

This child attends a school in Kansas City , Mo. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha", When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."

SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us .... and they VOTE and REPRODUCE!

[MikeL]

Be sure to watch the complete video.

 

If you're a little squeamish, suck it up and watch it all. You'll be glad you did.

 

 

[MikeL]

 

 

 

 

Since singer Susan Boyle (who professes being a virgin) has been on TV, there's been a marked drop in suicide bombings. Apparently many of the terrorists didn't realize what a virgin looks like.

[paya]

Be sure to watch the complete video.

 

If you're a little squeamish, suck it up and watch it all.

[JamesSavik]

Since singer Susan Boyle (who professes being a virgin) has been on TV, there's been a marked drop in suicide bombings. Apparently many of the terrorists didn't realize what a virgin looks like.

 

ROFL... and think. You get 72 of them!

[MikeL]

Not a big laugh here, but kind of heartwarming. They don't make them like they used to. That's true of cars...and maybe true of people.

 

View video.

[KJames]

ROFL... and think. You get 72 of them!

 

James, I didn't know you were into writing horror stories!

 

Not a big laugh here, but kind of heartwarming. They don't make them like they used to. That's true of cars...and maybe true of people.

 

View video.

 

MikeL, my grandmother had a car like this when I was 2...she's now 89, this year, so I suppose that she bought hers when this lady did--I don't think she had any idea that they were this durable, though, as she's probably had 9 or 10 cars since the mid-1960's.

[Mark Arbour]

What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

 

 

Dam!

 

 

 

 

[Julian Alexander]

I found this amusing:

 

[Zeoanne]

This had had me LMAO!

 

Childbirth at 65

 

 

 

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

 

'May I see the new baby?' I asked

 

'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'

 

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

 

'No, not yet,' She said.

 

After another few minutes had elapsed,

 

I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

 

'No, not yet,' replied my friend.

 

Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

 

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.

 

'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

 

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'

[TetRefine]

 

I dont know whether to laugh or cry.

[Zeoanne]

I dont know whether to laugh or cry.

 

Definitely CRY!!! Isn't that the 4 or so year old boy? Wasn't he on Dr. Phil at one time? Parents who allow their babies to become obese (unless it's a medical issue) should NOT be allowed to keep their children. The child sitting next to him is also obese.

[Camilo]

[MikeL]

 

Another name change, Cammy? Where's the image? Such a tiny pic, I can't see it.

[Guest eru]

Too bad we can't embed youtube vids ....

 

"I [bleep] slowly, slowly, slowly getting faster ... once i start [bleep]ing it's very hard to stop ..."

 

edit:

[url="

 

 

 

HA!!!

[Guest eru]

[Zeoanne]

Edited April 3, 2010 by Rush

[JamesSavik]

[JamesSavik]

[JamesSavik]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eYSpIz2FjU

Who wants chowder?