[Linxe Termoil] My Heart's Desire by Linxe Termoil

[Graeme]

My Heart's Desire by Linxe Termoil

 

Pat screwed up, and now he has to fix it. Not only for his heart's sake, but for the love of his life's sake as well.

 

 

:nuke: :nuke: Spoilers Below!!! :nuke: :nuke:

[AFriendlyFace]

My Heart

[Graeme]

The story started with the great piece of advice:

I figure, if you

[AFriendlyFace]

And he still failed to follow the advice, though from the receiving side, when his mom asked him what was going on. It took her persistence (I think that's where he got his advice from in the first place, though he never says), to get him to open up.

 

....

 

There's a price to be paid, but he's decided he's willing to pay it. He may be ignorant as to what that price really is, but then we all tend to be ignorant on the true price of things. If he's happy to pay the price, then that's all that's really important.

 

I didn't want to be too controversial in my initial comments on the piece, but I have to say that the scene with Pat's mother brought to mind a lot of difficult questions and feelings. I'm primarily reminded of two things from this. The first is the contrast of Pat's mother's reaction upon learning that her son's boyfriend has HIV and the contrast of Debbie's reaction on the television series Queer As Folk when she learned that Michael (her son)'s boyfriend had HIV. Debbie didn't handle it so well at first and wished that Michael would date someone who wasn't positive. In contrast Pat's mom seemed to be okay with the idea from the get go.

 

The other thing it puts me in mind of is the thread we have in the Member Q&A, Would you have sex with someone who was HIV positive?. Most posters made the distinction between sex and dating and I think that's a very important distinction. For me personally it would be a definite "no" on sex and more of a "well it would depend on the circumstances" for dating. Regardless, Pat's reaction and decision aren't actually what I found overly surprising. I think there are certainly a lot of people who would react similarly, especially after they had had time to digest the information like Pat did. What I found surprising is the parent's reaction.

 

I'm a pretty easy going person, and I assume that when I have children I'll be all about letting them make their own decisions and just making it clear that I love and support them regardless. However, for me I think that knowing that my child was intimately involved with someone who had a major communicable disease (regardless of what it was) would be one of the most agonizing situations I can imagine. I would have absolutely no problem whatsoever accepting my child's sexuality (indeed my slight preference is for gay, lesbian, or bisexual children). I feel confident that I have the background and skills to deal with a child's transgender status with much less anxiety and difficulty than the average parent. I think I could even deal with my child's own illness more easily. However, I'd have a big problem with knowingly encouraging my child to maintain or initiate an intimate, sexual relationship with someone who had HIV. Ultimately there's no question that I would want and expect my child to ultimately make his/her own decision. However, I find it remarkably unlikely that I would be able to encourage their decision. At absolute best I think I would vocally state that the should decide for themselves and subtly indicate that I was against it. More realistically I'd probably vociferously state my thoughts and fears but ultimately conclude with something along the lines of, "but you have to do what you feel is best."

 

I'd definitely have an easier time deciding to be in such a relationship myself than being okay with my kids doing it.

 

Anyway, maybe I am unique in this regard, and maybe most parents who are generally open-minded and liberal wouldn't have an issue with this. I'm pretty sure I would though. It isn't necessarily something I like. I'm actually extremely conflicted in my thoughts on this issue. I think that the discrimination that HIV+ people face is terrible and I really wish people would be more willing to be close to them and accepting of them. However, there's no doubt that when it comes to my kids there would be at least a bit of a disconnect. I obviously wouldn't mind a close friendship, and would indeed be delighted if my kids were accepting and open-minded and befriended an HIV+ individual. Would I want them dating (or more specifically having sex with) an HIV+ person? There's no doubt in my mind that I would not want that in the least. Could I accept it? Probably, but it would be difficult and painful.

 

On the other hand, I'd certainly want my own kids to be able to date whomever the wanted - positive or negative - if they themselves were positive. So clearly I have a pretty big double standard. I have no doubt that if my own positive child were dating a negative person and the negative person's parent gave my kid any grief about it I'd tell them where to go in no uncertain terms. Of course, by the same token I strongly doubt I'd blame the positive person my child were dating anyway. I may indeed resent them a bit if I perceived that my child were in danger because of them, but I think I'd be rational and kind enough to be civil and keep my feelings to myself (or perhaps to myself and my child).

 

Anyway, this story and that one scene have given me quite a few things to seriously consider and reflect on. Apart from everything else in the story - which was excellent, well-told and thoroughly amusing in its own right - I have to say a very hardy THANK YOU to Linxe just for that!

 

 

-Kevin

[Graeme]

Kevin, I don't want to divert this thread onto the issue of dating someone who is HIV, or on parental influence on (adult) children, but I think the key difference in this story is that the two had a relationship before Scotty found out he was positive. That's clear from Pat's reactions -- his heart is telling him who he wants. I would say his mom knows his heart almost as well as he does, and that's why she's supportive -- she know what he wants and to interfere would be just as likely to drive her son away from her.

 

Just my views on why Pat's mother was so supportive -- after an initial "Oh, no!" reaction.

[Linxe Termoil]

okay for the fourth time I'm going to try to reply to this thread. BTW, i wasn't going to initially, but circumstances led me to it. This story wasn't about Scotty, however, it's led to alot of thought towards him. I'm glad, that was the point of the story. How would you feel in these circumstances? Just so you know, all the credit for the idea of this story goes to Prince Duchess, who gave me this idea and allowed me the idea to continue on with it after projecting my initial idea at him. Now on to the main point. Some of you are of the opinion that parents have a say, some of you are of the opinion that they don't. Ultimately it does not matter. All that matters is that you think for yourself, and keep an open mind. That is all I will say on the matter of this story. Please, think for yourself,

 

Regards,

 

Linxe

Edited June 14, 2009 by Linxe Termoil

[Graeme]

Some of you are of the opinion that parents have a say, some of you are of the opinion that they don't. Ultimately it does not matter. All that matters is that you think for yourself, and keep an open mind.

Exactly right I personally used the word "influence" because parents do have influence, but the ultimate decision is always up to the person in question. Pat made his decision, and he accepted the consequences of that decision. Can anyone do any less?

[David McLeod]

...My Heart's Desire is a terrific blend of sweet, absurd, and wildly entertaining...

-Kevin

 

***** POTENTIALLY, SPOILERS *****

 

I think you've deciphered the reason his stories are so good. They put the reader's heart and mind on a roller coaster, and don't let go. (Think, "Sunny's Angel," for example.) My favorite scene in "Heart's Desire" is when Pat, the "neat-freak," climbs into bed (likely not a clean one) with a drunk, dirty, nasty Scotty: disgusting? Yes, but also exceptionally symbolic. Is the condition of the bed and Pat's getting into a metaphor for Pat's acceptance of Scotty, even HIV-positive? I suspect English teachers in another century will be disecting that for hours. Another great scene is as the skate boarder leaves and Pat stares at the boy's underwear after marveling at his abs: Pat is in love with Scotty, he's just been caught stalking him, and yet he's lusting after the skater. That opened a huge window into Pat's character. It's brilliant writing. So is the phrase, "seeking the comfort of a childhood that was no longer mine to have."

 

Another great job, Linxe!

[Prince Duchess]

OMG Linxe I love it

 

 

 

I cried my dear

[AFriendlyFace]

Another great scene is as the skate boarder leaves and Pat stares at the boy's underwear after marveling at his abs: Pat is in love with Scotty, he's just been caught stalking him, and yet he's lusting after the skater. That opened a huge window into Pat's character.

That was a great scene; I loved it! LOL interestingly a couple of days after reading it I was out one afternoon and came across a skater who perfectly fit the description! Mind you I wasn't stalking anyone at the time, but I was certainly distracted.

[wildone]

Wow, what a great story Linxe .

 

I'm not to sure, but I may have started that forum that Kevin referenced .

 

The story hit me in a very personal way. The message was very loud and clear, and I would encourage that anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation (and I do honestly pray that nobody does, but unfortunately the stats are against that) to think long and hard about their decisions.

 

Your message about thinking for yourself is a very important one. When you brush aside the initial feelings of what has happened, and actually think about how those feelings may mislead you, or may not, then you will have made the right decision.

 

Some other thoughts are that his mom, realized Pat was acting out of what others would probably expect of him, rather than what he wanted to do himself. I congratulate her for having the courage to get him to see that fact. Sometimes a parent has to step aside and not try to change their child's life.

 

Thanks so much Linxe, a very well done story.

 

Steve

[Dolores Esteban]

This is another sad and beautiful story with a strong message. You finished the story with a 'happy ending'. But I think the story has just begun. We don't know how things will work out in the end. You leave the readers thinking. Very good

[Linxe Termoil]

This is another sad and beautiful story with a strong message. You finished the story with a 'happy ending'. But I think the story has just begun. We don't know how things will work out in the end. You leave the readers thinking. Very good

 

 

Heh. Let me share a secret with you. David McLeod wanted me to write a 50,000 word story after this anthology entry finishing this story up, only with Scotty's P.O.V. involved. I believe I stated somewhere after getting that message and reading it that I had no intention whatsoever of ever doing something like that. Benji also asked for Scotty's p.o.v. involved within the anthology entry. I tried to do so but ultimately declined to include Scotty's p.o.v. for a couple of reasons.

 

1) I personally do not know anyone with AIDS so it could be a very hard thing for me to try and write something within that p.o.v. I would have to use my imagination (which I have no problem doing whatsoever, mind you), yet I'm afraid that I would do no justice to the reality of the situation.

 

2) This story was about a boy who was in love, and had to discover and face the facts that ultimately, love just doesn't die because of one minor or major thing, depending on your perspective. And I tried to show that with Pat's reaction at first, and then include his acceptance of a situation that he had no control over whatsoever. He has answered the calling of his heart the only way a person ever really should answer such a thing. By ultimately deciding to face it head on. In life is the way he decided to do it reality? I imagine it is, but I also imagine that isn't always the case either, and I pity the fool who gives up love when they have finally found it because of such a thing.

 

When you say the story has just begun and we don't know how things will work out in the end, will, it kind of makes me want to eat my words a little bit. If I were to actually sit down and finish this tidbit of writing all the way through, I know exactly how it would end, within two very real possibilities. I have the slightly sad but happy version of an ending, and then I have the other slightly sad but happy version of an ending.

 

Is the finishing of this story a very real possibility? Yes, I believe the next anthology entry is themed "Something Unexpected". Will we see Scotty and Pats return within that theme? Possibly. Likely? I don't know. Most likely not, due to the fact that there are rules and such stating that a writing has to stand on its own, and for me to go from Scotty's pov would be extremely close to breaking those rules. Yet the idea is tantalizingly there.

 

Would I be willing to finish it anyways and post it on its own? Yes, if there were enough calls for me to do so, and yet I honestly have to wonder, if I were to do such a thing would I detract from the statement that I was trying to make with this story? Is there a possibility that I could make an even stronger statement with a second final piece tying this story up, or should I leave it up to the reader to decide what happens in the end between Pat and Scotty. All very tantalizing questions, and I have no answers at this moment to any of them.

 

Ultimately, I guess we shall see.

 

Best of my regards to you all,

 

Linxe

[C James]

Great story, Linxie!

 

I loved it.

 

The mother's reaction did surprise me; but in life, people often act in unexpected ways.

 

My favorite scene, of course was the shirtless skater, paid to be a distraction. That was fantastic.

 

I loved the innovative way Scotty was encouraged to stay put in the apartment, too.

 

Very well done, Linxie!

CJ

[Linxe Termoil]

heheh, Thanks CJ. I got to say the skater scene and the way Scotty was encouraged to stay put in the apartment were my two favorite scenes. Personally, I think if push ever came to shove, 'd probably encourage someone I love to stay put in such a manner as well if he or I was being a prat.

 

 

Regards,

 

Linxie

[kitten]

This was a story that I enjoyed a great deal; it brought me pleasure, and in many places it made me smile. What particularly drew me in was the easy-going conversational tone, the overall style of the writing, the understated humour, and the way the characters were drawn in 3 dimensions without too much description. There were many small, subtle touches (Pat's reaction to the skater, the sunglasses) that gave hints about attitudes and personalities. The characters, especially Pat, were quirky and inconsistent, and thereby were made more realistic.

 

Perhaps I'm odd - okay, I know I'm odd! - but I didn't feel that this story was particularly sad, and certainly not tragic. I thought that it treated the issue of Scotty being HIV+ positive as important and serious bit it didn't overdramatise it. This story struck me as being basically a very well written love story and my main interest was in in the personalities, how they interacted, and how the characters would deal with a big problem that arose. The exact nature of that problem (in this case one of them being HIV+) didn't seem to me to be as important as the way the characters dealt with it.

 

Obviously, like all good stories, it did raise questions (in this case, for example, would I have a sexual relationship with someone who was HIV+) but it didn't beat me about the head in the way it raised those questions. Let's face it, HIV may be new, but the situation of loving someone with serious contagious illness (TB, leprosy, syphilis, etc.) has been with the human race for hundreds or even thousands of years.

 

Anyway, the writing style gave me even more pleasure than the plotline. I must admit (mea culpa!) that I've never read anything by Linxe before (ars longa, vita brevis!) but looking at more of his work is now high on my list of things to do.

 

Finally, to pick a nit... as I said, it was the easy, smooth, conversational style that most impressed me with this story, and because of that I noticed a couple of places that seemed to me to be inconsistent with that informal smoothness. e.g. "if I had known he would be so put out"; "He must not have wanted to talk to me". However, that is a tiny point and possible one that exists only in my mind.

 

Thanks for a great story!

 

Kit

[old bob]

1) I personally do not know anyone with AIDS so it could be a very hard thing for me to try and write something within that p.o.v. I would have to use my imagination (which I have no problem doing whatsoever, mind you), yet I'm afraid that I would do no justice to the reality of the situation.

You shouldnt be afraid ! First I know at least 2 members who have experiences with HIV or AIDS suffering people : James and myself. I'm sure there are more and we could help if you need more informations about the daily life and the mood of the sick people.

Would I be willing to finish it anyways and post it on its own? Yes, if there were enough calls for me to do so.

Consider my post as a first call.

I would be delighted (as I was with this story) to read this new story, even with a sad ending. You perhaps know that I lived, although in a different way, such a story : my daughter got the plague at 24 (it was 1984), fought successfuly during more than 18 years and let it go in 2003, too tired to fight any more. During these 18 years, we (and she) had a lot of happy days together and she left us in peace.

[Ieshwar]

It was a fantastic story. It was fresh, sweet and thought-provoking. A very difficult combination, if you ask me. I loved the story. You should be proud of yourself.

 

Take care,

Ieshwar