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Wow....a Discussion forum...I never thought....

 

I want to thank you Rush for everything you've done for me, without out you I'd be just a clueless newbie.

 

I want to welcome everyone to this forum, I hope you will enjoy your time here and I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Best Wishes.

Nightowl88

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Yay! I was super excited to read ch. 13 last night. I am so glad Max and Josh are back on track. Though I have to say that poor Frank is going to get railroaded!! Not that he won't enjoy it :) Anyways, great story, can't wait to see what else is coming in the life of these 5 friends.

 

 

 

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Yeah... I am loving this story. I have to admit that I think the whole recent situation felt a bit blown out of proportion but... that is very true to life so it is in no way a complaint. People can be soooo frustrating. :) You capture reality really well and that's one of the things I like about your writing along with the extremely rounded characters. I am a little worried about Matt though.. he hasn't been taking his medication so I was half expecting him to keel over before the end of the chapter. I am sure Josh will look after him though.

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Yay! I was super excited to read ch. 13 last night. I am so glad Max and Josh are back on track. Though I have to say that poor Frank is going to get railroaded!! Not that he won't enjoy it Posted Image Anyways, great story, can't wait to see what else is coming in the life of these 5 friends.

 

 

 

 

I'm glad you are enjoying Max and Josh CIA. Poor Frank is indeed in for it...after a fashion....I wrote Kylie to resemble my girl Amber and she is far, FAR worse then Kylie lol.

 

 

Yeah... I am loving this story. I have to admit that I think the whole recent situation felt a bit blown out of proportion but... that is very true to life so it is in no way a complaint. People can be soooo frustrating. Posted Image You capture reality really well and that's one of the things I like about your writing along with the extremely rounded characters. I am a little worried about Matt though.. he hasn't been taking his medication so I was half expecting him to keel over before the end of the chapter. I am sure Josh will look after him though.

 

Always good to hear from you Nephylim, I look forward to it lol. You're actually not the first person to tell me that the situation felt a bit big but like you said I wanted to write it as true to life as I could, people get jealous, insecure, and angry and small situations get made into big ones. I'm glad you took the positive view of it. I like to keep things as real feeling as possible, I want folks to read this and say "Huh, this could really happen".

Try not to worry too much about Max, his condition can be serious but he controls it well, I should know lol I have it lol.

 

Best Wishes to you both.

Nightowl88

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  • 2 weeks later...

Definatly enjoy this story, not gona lie it's up there with the best, chapter 14 was rather short for you, and i'm sad to here that it'll take longer then two weeks for another chapter, i love the story, but i'lll wait! remember you already have a fan club so now you just keep writing away. I'm currious though with the lenght of the time in between chapters do you work?? have other commitments?? Just Currious

 

 

I do not like the fact that you relate the story so much to everyday life well with Amber and Kiley(spelling) or Max and you having Diabeatas....not too thrilling to here that, one because i know very much what diabeatas can do to a person (sucks) Just don't into Duce Bipolar or anyhthing to do with getting a bypass.....i never had them but i've had them in my immidate family and it sucks. :P

 

 

Anyway keep Writing and Great Job!!

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...Max and Josh 14 is now up in the e-fiction section...There will be more but it might take a bit longer then the normal two weeks...

 

Max and Josh 14

 

Very intense chapter: Max's feelings of betrayal and loss dominate, and it's very hard to see how there can be a happy ending, despite the last scene. I'll need more than the normal two weeks to get over this one. On the other hand, I can't wait to see what happens next.

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I really liked the latest chapter!! The fact that both Max and Josh are so fierce in protecting each other is just the sweetest thing. It was a little short, not much happened to the characters but considering the actual time span of the chapter was an afternoon/evening I thought that it was very good. It was emotional with the revealing of Max's medical condition and history to Josh, Frank and Kylie, that definitely made the chapter impact in my mind, even more than quasi violent scene with that ass, Tom. The only bone I have to pick with the chapter was the mom's reaction. I know that she is supposed to be a doctor and detached and had to deal with Max's episodes previously, but she was way too unemotional. Especially since you had it to where an episode had not happened in a very long time. I don't care if it an ongoing issue, when my daughter has an asthma attack I always get upset, I just wait until it is over. Maybe you plan to write that into the next chapter, I don't know, but as that is my only criticism, I thought I would share it. I really do hope that you continue to write your story now that you will be working from completely new material.

 

Thanks for the great story! Posted Image

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Hey Everyone,

 

For starters let me appologize for yet another mass reply, I've been running raggad the last few days and I haven't had the chance to do much more then read what you've wrote, I promise I'll try to make more of an effort to reply on a one on one basis.

 

 

Definatly enjoy this story, not gona lie it's up there with the best, chapter 14 was rather short for you, and i'm sad to here that it'll take longer then two weeks for another chapter, i love the story, but i'lll wait! remember you already have a fan club so now you just keep writing away. I'm currious though with the lenght of the time in between chapters do you work?? have other commitments?? Just Currious

 

 

I do not like the fact that you relate the story so much to everyday life well with Amber and Kiley(spelling) or Max and you having Diabeatas....not too thrilling to here that, one because i know very much what diabeatas can do to a person (sucks) Just don't into Duce Bipolar or anyhthing to do with getting a bypass.....i never had them but i've had them in my immidate family and it sucks. Posted Image

 

 

Anyway keep Writing and Great Job!!

 

Hey Mark, Its good to see you here, and hear from you again, hows school going?

 

First let me say thanks for your high regards of my story, I can't tell you how much it means to me. The chapter was a bit short but in reality it was originally a single chapter with chapter 13, but rush and I talked and decided that it would be best to split it up. I do at the moment work part time for my cousin watching her three kids *two week days after school and saturday and sunday usually all day* but even away from my pc I am writing, I live the stories and the scenes in my head and just recently I've started carring a notebook with me to jot stuff down in. I also sit with my Grandma at elast two days a week, its good to visit her.

My current living situation is...complex...or I'd actually be able to write more.

 

Your not the first person to express dislike about how I relate the story to real life aspects. When i first started writing I was unsure and decided to use some of the stuff I know to cause some drama, which is where my Insulin Resistance comes in at, and Amber....thats my girl right there, if I were straight we'd be married by now lol.

 

I don't know about Bipolar so i don't think I'll be introing it in a big way lol.

 

I'm glad to know that you all are out there, I promise to do the best I can to get more to you soon *new lovers blind will be out soon lol*.

 

 

Very intense chapter: Max's feelings of betrayal and loss dominate, and it's very hard to see how there can be a happy ending, despite the last scene. I'll need more than the normal two weeks to get over this one. On the other hand, I can't wait to see what happens next.

 

Hello David, always good to hear from you.

 

I'm glad that Max's betrayal and loss came through as clearly as they did. Getting all that out into the open will set the stage for some later scenes I have in mind.

 

While I'm glad it came through as well as it did I hope that it wasn't all encompassing enough to turn you from later chapters, i promise they will be happier...well some of them will be.

 

I hope to hear from you again David.

 

I really liked the latest chapter!! The fact that both Max and Josh are so fierce in protecting each other is just the sweetest thing. It was a little short, not much happened to the characters but considering the actual time span of the chapter was an afternoon/evening I thought that it was very good. It was emotional with the revealing of Max's medical condition and history to Josh, Frank and Kylie, that definitely made the chapter impact in my mind, even more than quasi violent scene with that ass, Tom. The only bone I have to pick with the chapter was the mom's reaction. I know that she is supposed to be a doctor and detached and had to deal with Max's episodes previously, but she was way too unemotional. Especially since you had it to where an episode had not happened in a very long time. I don't care if it an ongoing issue, when my daughter has an asthma attack I always get upset, I just wait until it is over. Maybe you plan to write that into the next chapter, I don't know, but as that is my only criticism, I thought I would share it. I really do hope that you continue to write your story now that you will be working from completely new material.

 

Thanks for the great story! Posted Image

 

Hello CIA, its wonderful to hear from you again.

 

I am so very glad that you enjoyed the chapter. I am also glad that you like how I have Max and Josh set up to protect and comfort eachother how they do. Some of my earlier friends/readers thought that the paradime wasn't realistic or was too cliche for individuals their age but I don't belive that you have to be *old* to have a loving commited relationship, so I reflect that in my writing.

 

I do appologize for the shortness of the chapter, it was a split lol. I never know how long a chapter will be when I write it, I just go to till it feels done lol.

 

Your thoughts on Max's mom are a great help to me. When I wrote her into this scene I was going for a little afraid/angry with her demeanor. Having read what you said shows me that I could have done that better, I didn't mean for her too come off as cold and detatched as she did. I will be writing a scene between her and Max discussing the issue in the next chapter though so perhaps that will ally some of your ill feelings lol.

 

Please never hesitate to give me your thoughts, the good and the bad both help.

 

 

Well all like I said before I'm sorry about the Mass reply, I hope that its not too confusing. I really will work on it.

 

Best Wishes and THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NightOwl88

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Nightowl,

 

Don't worry about the mass posting, with the quotes put in, it is like an individual post, just all at once, which I think is just fine!! I appreciate that you read the comments and actually explain what you were thinking and even some of your plans for furthering the story..it only makes me want to continue to give you feedback. Also, I only complained the chapter was short because I want so much more to read from you, Posted Image it was by no way a criticism. I can see why Rush would advise you to separate the last 2 chapters written. I understand about having a complicated family life at times, and being around children makes it hard to focus on anything....write as you can and just know I will be there reading it when you post!! Posted Image

 

 

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  • 2 months later...
  • 2 months later...

I finally caught up with all the chapters and finally have the time to actually send a reply to you! Huzzah! And before you ask, I forgot almost entirely what my long review was about. I'm just going to go ahead and say that I enjoyed the chapters, how you played out the characters, and all that good stuff.

 

BUT! I do have some problems with Kylie. I don't know if your other readers think the same way or not, and I do know that she's based off of one of your real-life friends, and I'm not exactly saying how you're writing her is wrong, it's just that she rubs me the wrong way. In repeated chapters, she does what she wants, says what she wants, think what she wants, and "doesn't take no for an answer." And she gets away with it. Every. Single. Time. She does not consider what her friends may think. She just drags them along with her, overpowering them with some unforeseen force (charisma?). She does not consider what authority figures, who may actually have her best interests in mind, think. She'll beat somebody up on school grounds and expect to be excused. She just does something, and expects the world to bow to her whim. I'm starting to think that the secretary's rant about her being a spoiled rich girl who gets whatever she wants actually holds some truth to it. This may be intentional on your part as the writer or not. I don't know. But it grates my nerves to have someone essentially boss everyone around and not think about the feelings of others (yes, I know there are times where she's considerate, such as the hospital scene and when she's first introduced; I'm talking in general here). Sorry if this rubs you the wrong way. It's just how I feel.

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I finally caught up with all the chapters and finally have the time to actually send a reply to you! Huzzah! And before you ask, I forgot almost entirely what my long review was about. I'm just going to go ahead and say that I enjoyed the chapters, how you played out the characters, and all that good stuff.

 

BUT! I do have some problems with Kylie. I don't know if your other readers think the same way or not, and I do know that she's based off of one of your real-life friends, and I'm not exactly saying how you're writing her is wrong, it's just that she rubs me the wrong way. In repeated chapters, she does what she wants, says what she wants, think what she wants, and "doesn't take no for an answer." And she gets away with it. Every. Single. Time. She does not consider what her friends may think. She just drags them along with her, overpowering them with some unforeseen force (charisma?). She does not consider what authority figures, who may actually have her best interests in mind, think. She'll beat somebody up on school grounds and expect to be excused. She just does something, and expects the world to bow to her whim. I'm starting to think that the secretary's rant about her being a spoiled rich girl who gets whatever she wants actually holds some truth to it. This may be intentional on your part as the writer or not. I don't know. But it grates my nerves to have someone essentially boss everyone around and not think about the feelings of others (yes, I know there are times where she's considerate, such as the hospital scene and when she's first introduced; I'm talking in general here). Sorry if this rubs you the wrong way. It's just how I feel.

 

Hello Young Sage, i am glad that you have stopped in, I've been hoping to see you.

 

First I'm glad to hear that you enjoy the story thus far, and I hope you will continue to.

 

As for Kylie, your right. While she does her best to be considerate she does tend to be a little more controling then is strictly needed. I think her attitude is a rather good mirror to the person she is modeled after, if a bit more intense. Its not been mentioned yet but her...drive...is born more of insecurity then a superiority complex. She may seem shallow, thoughtless, and reckless but thats more my fault then that of the charecter, she has been under represented.

 

Due to some recent developments you'll be seeing a somewhat softer version of Kylie but I warn you, not by much.

 

No worries about rubbing me the wrong way, I have rhino skin.

 

Best Wishes,

NightOwl

oh god... it's soooo long I read the story I've forgotten everything what was it about Posted Image when the next chapter is out (and that's gonna be soon I hope...) I'll have to read the previous one or two before actually reading the newest edition... Posted Image

 

Hey Paya,

 

I am sorry that it has been so long, i am TRYING for a chapter every two weeks, following the rotation, but life hasn't been cooperatting lol. I hope you enjoy the next chapter, which will be out as soon as Rush has finished editing, I'm shooting for Monday.

 

Best Wishes,

NightOwl

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Due to some recent developments you'll be seeing a somewhat softer version of Kylie but I warn you, not by much.

 

No worries about rubbing me the wrong way, I have rhino skin.

As long as you don't make her do a 360, I'll be fine. And you may want to see a dermatologist about that... <_<

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HEY PAYA!!! Guess what???? I'm done editing the latest LONG ASS chapter!!! :P It is simply AWESOME!!!!! Oh and before I forget... You are going to LOOOOOVE the end of the chapter! I should start laughing now!!! LMAO!!! You'll understand why I'm laughing once you read it though.... You'll have to wait! :devil: I'm EVIL I tell ya, EEEEEVIIIILLLLLLLLLLLL!!! Muuahahahaha!!! :devil:
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I love this chapter. Josh has so many insecurities but Max is so good for him. I'm glad their parents realized that. The way you wrote the grandpa's into the story, their history together was a great twist. I think I'd be a little afraid of Maxwell Calvin too, he sounds quite intimidating. And getting some insight into Max's temper was good as well. You do such a good job bringing your characters to life, their problems, their loves, their joys. Wonderful writing as always!

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Hey Cia, i am glad you stopped in.

 

Max is good for Josh. It's perhaps something of a co-dependant relationship but I think I balance it well. Sometime in the future we might have a more personally secure Josh, I don't know though. Writitng the Grandfathers, if i can be big headed for a minite, was a good idea lol. I has always intended to link Maxwell to Josh's grandparents somehow but until i started on this chapter I wasn't sure how deep I'd take it, but I think i did this well.

lol I'd be afraid of Maxwell some too if I didn't know him. Writing Maxwell has been a real treat for me, it's let me take some of those desires and fear's I have toward my maternal grandfather and sort of work with them and work through them. I don't know how much more of a place the grandparents will take int he story, I have toyed with a few idea's though. Max's temper is a somewhat murky topic, as with a lot fo things about him it has a deep route in his past, we'll likely see more of the reason soon, it ties in with his reluctance to play football or other contant sports.

 

Your compliments I take to my heart, i thank you Cia.

 

Best Wishes,

NightOwl

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:angry: now I don't know why but it didn't save my post properly... so again... :rolleyes:

 

*ignores evil Sandra* ;) (twice now! :P)

 

 

 

 

Owl! You did it again! :thumbup: I lived through the chapter and really enjoyed such a looooong chapter! :2thumbs: though I wouldn't mind if the next chapter was posted earlier than it's due... :whistle: it even could be a bit shorter, if it contained the solution of the Tom/Danny situation... 0:)

 

 

Edited by paya
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Read the latest chapter a couple of days ago, but didn't get to this part of the site until now. Fascinating treatment of motivation, especially on the part of the grandfathers. The boys' relationship establishes serious tension among the adults, although not everyone shows it...yet. I think there's going to be at least one or more flare-ups before things settle down.

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