[Hamen Cheese] Ben Goes To The Zoo by Hamen Cheese

[Graeme]

Ben Goes To The Zoo by Hamen Cheese

Kyle's younger brother Ben has always been different and has been treated as such. For Ben's ninth birthday, Kyle wanted to do something special for him by bringing him to the zoo.

:nuke: :nuke: Spoilers Below!!! :nuke: :nuke:

[Andrew Q Gordon]

H.C.

 

Wow, that is a moving story. Kyle's devotion to his brother is quite touching. That his selflessness inspired his mother to take a different view of Ben left me both sad for the family's plight but glad they came together. Kyles words that everything would be alright were never more true then at that moment.

 

Quite a brilliant story. Kudos.

 

Andy

[phana14]

You are really something, mister!

 

This story is outstanding in it's emotional content. It is a beautiful work of art.

 

Thanks Hamen Cheese.

[Benji]

.............Beautiful story! Reminded me of stories I heard of the kids in Mexico that scoured the trash dump sites for items that could be sold for money. Poignant to the plight of the family, so strapped in poverty that a wheelchair was looked upon as richness in the community. The deep devotion of one brother to another is made of a stronger faith then I can imagine, nor seen lately. The upbeat sadness is evident in the end! That had to be hard to write, great story!!

[Cia]

I loved this story when I read it before and I loved it again this time. I was so sad, so heartbroken over what I know is reality for so many people. But you forced me to remember things I knew in my youth; joy in simple things, things others take for granted is just as valuable as joy in the big things in life. That both the callousness and kindness of strangers can play out in ways we might never dream. Above all... that sometimes loved ones can surprise us. Thank you for the thoughtful and beautiful story, it was phenomenal.

[Renee Stevens]

I have to say I wasn't sure what to expect when I first started reading, but I absolutely loved it. I loved the dedication that Kyle had for his younger brother, how he was willing to do everything he could to take his brother to the zoo. I loved your characters, at least most of them, the old lady's son was a royal jerk, but even him selling the wheelchair didn't keep Kyle from taking Ben to the zoo. The main thing is you captured Kyle's love and devotion to his handicapped brother and I think sometimes that can be really hard to do. Kudos to you!!!

 

Hugs

Renee

[Hamen Cheese]

Thank you all for the comments. I really enjoyed writing this story and I really hoped that others would like it as much as I did when it was finished. Poverty is a big issue here where I live so the story felt real to me when I wrote it. Stuff like this happens even if we don't see it everyday.

 

I'd like to thank Cia by the way for beta reading the story for me. Thank you for pointing out the errors especially that one very obvious one I kept repeating! Hehe.

 

Your comments here make me feel good inside which is always a wonderful feeling to have after a long day of work. So again, thank you hehe.

 

And as a additional note to Benji, yes, the ending was a troublesome thing to write. I had to pause and walk away several times because just thinking about it in my mind made me misty eyed. We can't have that now!

[Nephylim]

I loved this story so much. It was so beautiful. I am writing something that has echoes of this but very, very different and I was kind of keyed into some of the emotions so it flowed over me and I loved it. In so many ways Ben is the lucky one. He is happy, contented and oblivious. The other two are struggling. Beautiful story

[AnytaSunday]

That was just so sad. Very sad, yet sweet--I liked how much Kyle cared for Ben. Beautiful.

[Rilbur]

A great story, poignant and touching and... words cannot express how great it is.

[jian_sierra]

Ok I enjoyed that very much. You almost made me cry hehe. Thanks for sharing

[Kev de Cauchery]

Wow, it's sad and heartwarming at the same time. And the ending blew me away, big time!!

 

There is a talent writing this, I know~!

 

Again, wow~!

 

Had a wonderful time reading this and congrats on the beautiful story!

 

 

[Hamen Cheese]

Thanks everyone. Hearing all the praise makes writing even more worth it.

 

And jian, if I only almost made you cry, then I still have a bit to go. Hehe.

[jian_sierra]

Thanks everyone. Hearing all the praise makes writing even more worth it.

 

And jian, if I only almost made you cry, then I still have a bit to go. Hehe.

 

Oh the almost crying part is actually a compliment. I rarely cry so almost making me cry means the story is very touching

[volvenord]

It is a truly beautiful story, that touch the core of my being. What you give in this story is hope, and in a most real manner. It is when somebody really sees another person, like Kyle is able to see his brother for what he is, love comes. And the mother seems to be able to start her own journey of seeing....

 

Please continue to write, you do far more than string together a good story.

 

I have a music piece that gives me so much, that touches that of being human, despite desolation, poverty and damage: there is still something beautiful like the gentle wind, perhaps this can give you something too: It's called The Host Of Seraphim by Lisa Gerrard and here is the link

 

With kind regards Astrid

[Hamen Cheese]

It is a truly beautiful story, that touch the core of my being. What you give in this story is hope, and in a most real manner. It is when somebody really sees another person, like Kyle is able to see his brother for what he is, love comes. And the mother seems to be able to start her own journey of seeing....

 

Please continue to write, you do far more than string together a good story.

 

I have a music piece that gives me so much, that touches that of being human, despite desolation, poverty and damage: there is still something beautiful like the gentle wind, perhaps this can give you something too: It's called The Host Of Seraphim by Lisa Gerrard and here is the link

 

With kind regards Astrid

 

Hi Astrid,

 

That was a beautiful and haunting song. The scenes in the mountains of garbage and the boy with the pail really reminded of what I felt as I wrote the story. Thank you for that.

 

Although my other stories aren't quite as emotional as Ben Goes to the Zoo, you can always check them out on my profile. My signature below is a link to my stories in efiction. I hope you enjoy them as well.

 

- Hamen Cheese

 

For the benefit of others, here is the youtube video Astrid linked:

 

[phana14]

It is a truly beautiful story, that touch the core of my being. What you give in this story is hope, and in a most real manner. It is when somebody really sees another person, like Kyle is able to see his brother for what he is, love comes. And the mother seems to be able to start her own journey of seeing....

 

Please continue to write, you do far more than string together a good story.

 

I have a music piece that gives me so much, that touches that of being human, despite desolation, poverty and damage: there is still something beautiful like the gentle wind, perhaps this can give you something too: It's called The Host Of Seraphim by Lisa Gerrard and here is the link

 

With kind regards Astrid

 

Oh My God, Astrid!

 

What a haunting piece! And it so fits "Ben Goes To The Zoo"!

Thank you, Astrid

[Toast]

Thanks for the story. I did cry.

[wildone]

Honestly, i don't know how you couldn't cry. This story ripped at my heart and knew i was in trouble early on. Even though this may have taken place somewhere foreign to me, the basic premise of someone taking care of someone who is unable to take care of themselves is such a strong message. The fact that their mother couldn't take care of herself made the story even more poignant.

 

It makes you rethink what we have (if you are reading this, you have a computer and internet or use of them and probably better off) and how we sometimes forget about those who are less unfortunate. You don't have to look far in any country to see the less fortunate.

 

Hamen you made me go through a box of Kleenex which was ironic with Ben's early crib, but i feel like you have enlightened me at the same time.

 

Thanks,

 

Steve

[Hamen Cheese]

Thanks Steve! I'm glad you liked the story. And I do hope that some time in the future we will see things change. Maybe there is hope for future generations if not our own.

 

Hamen you made me go through a box of Kleenex which was ironic with Ben's early crib, but i feel like you have enlightened me at the same time.

 

And thanks for noticing that. I picked it out early when I was writing as a sort of caveat to the reader. Hehe. I will ask Graeme to fed-ex you a new box of Kleenex.

[falling into the story]

This is a truly beautiful story. It is well written and an absolute pleasure to read. It brought tears to my eyes, both times when I read it. Congratulations and thank you! / Stephan.

[bookjunky18]

I enjoyed reading this story so much. I found it touching that kyle is so loving to his brother despite his differences. He bathes, feeds and take good care of his brother as if he's the parent. It was sad that his Mom wasn't able to get over the fact that Ben was different, and thought he was useless. I really like how Kyle was willing to go into dumpsters to look for cans and bottles, so he could sell them and pay for the zoo tickets. And even when he wasn't able to to get the wheel chair he wasn't going to disappoint Ben, so he carried him in his arms which must be tiring considering how big Ben is. Anyway the ending was nice because the mom finally saw that Ben understood somewhat the things that were happening around him, and she now knows that he wasn't useless after all. I was really happy about Ben finally expressing himself and Ben waving to his Mom as him and Kyle go off to the zoo. This was the best story I've read in a while.

[Hamen Cheese]

I enjoyed reading this story so much. I found it touching that kyle is so loving to his brother despite his differences. He bathes, feeds and take good care of his brother as if he's the parent. It was sad that his Mom wasn't able to get over the fact that Ben was different, and thought he was useless. I really like how Kyle was willing to go into dumpsters to look for cans and bottles, so he could sell them and pay for the zoo tickets. And even when he wasn't able to to get the wheel chair he wasn't going to disappoint Ben, so he carried him in his arms which must be tiring considering how big Ben is. Anyway the ending was nice because the mom finally saw that Ben understood somewhat the things that were happening around him, and she now knows that he wasn't useless after all. I was really happy about Ben finally expressing himself and Ben waving to his Mom as him and Kyle go off to the zoo. This was the best story I've read in a while.

 

Hey bookjunky18,

 

Thanks for the feedback. Your very last comment made me feel good inside. Hehehe. I enjoyed writing this story and hearing that other people enjoyed it is all I could ask for really.

 

- HC

[charlieocho]

Superb! Extremely well done. By the ending, I didn't want to let it go.

[Hamen Cheese]

Superb! Extremely well done. By the ending, I didn't want to let it go.

 

Thank you charlieocho.