Seeing Double

[Agaith]

Okay so a part of me wanted to be an ass and mess you and say this as a joke:

 

But I figured if I did that and only that folks would kill me and not realize I was joking.

 

 

BUTTTT since you asked - Here's my honest assessment.

 

The good -

 

You lay out your world amazingly well - world building is hard but you do a good job of it. I can see in my mind an image of what you are describing and I don't have to struggle to see it. A+

 

You give good depth to your characters - I feel like I know them when I read - you balance the action and the need to give us internal feelings. That gets harder as the story goes along because you can't just wash, rinse, repeat with emotions. More over, as the action sequences get more central, the easy way is to skim over the thoughts/feelings/emotions of the characters - so far you've avoid that and done really well another A+

 

The needs work.

 

Sometimes you get a bit wordy - I could give examples from the story but it wasn't a big issue, just something to keep an eye on going forward. A general example would be - something like - he bent over to pick up his clothes off the ground [that is not one of yours, just an example] You could shorten that to - "he picked up his clothes" - especially if we knew from the previous action they threw them on the ground. Just watch for that. See where you can cut out words that can be inferred from the action.

 

This is a great read. You should be really pleased with how it is coming along. That's just my opinon and we both know

applies to me not you

 

Andy

 

 

Haha Andy, after the 'gory' chapter do you think you should be linking to things like that?

Thanks, I am trying to keep things fresh and not 'rinse and repeat' things as that would get boring.

As for the scenery and the world, I'm constantly thinking in the back of my mind 'I know what it looks like but my reader doesn't so I need to pause and make sure they get a feel for what I see', so I'm glad that's paying off

 

The to work on: hehe, I'll try and remember that when I'm writing. (Too late for the next one, it's done and ready to go hehe).

 

 

Thanks Andy for reading

 

Oh and...anyone got any ideas what's going to happen yet? (besides the battle )

[J.T.]

Oh and...anyone got any ideas what's going to happen yet? (besides the battle )

 

I would say something like... 'Something to do with magic lube!' but that would be too dirty... Do it anyways.

 

K... I think D will get to impress everyone with his archery... Or assassins kill some family members on Christmas...

[Agaith]

Chapter 16 is out now guys and gals. This is the last of the pre written chapters so now you're at hte mercy of me finding time to write

 

Hope you enjoy

 

Chapter 16

[Agaith]

My arse finally shifted into gear and another chapter is now up for all you lovely readers!

 

Chapter 17

[J.T.]

My arse finally shifted into gear and another chapter is now up for all you lovely readers!

 

Chapter 17

 

Yay! Ch 17 was amazing. I've been waiting for another chapter, and I'm certainly glad I've been patient with this one. It was totally worth the wait. It's very nice to see Matt's human side when he's not on Galwrok and I'm glad that Dan's accepting a new family to hope patch up the emptiness from his lack of parental figures. I'm also glad that Dan's friends were so supportive. I'm wondering what's in that box that they want him to open on Christmas Day lol.

 

One more thing, thanks for linking the Christmas Crackers wiki article. I thought it was actually food... lol

[Agaith]

Yay! Ch 17 was amazing. I've been waiting for another chapter, and I'm certainly glad I've been patient with this one. It was totally worth the wait. It's very nice to see Matt's human side when he's not on Galwrok and I'm glad that Dan's accepting a new family to hope patch up the emptiness from his lack of parental figures. I'm also glad that Dan's friends were so supportive. I'm wondering what's in that box that they want him to open on Christmas Day lol.

 

One more thing, thanks for linking the Christmas Crackers wiki article. I thought it was actually food... lol

 

Wow such great comments!

 

Glad to know the chapter was worth making you wait hehe. As I sort of said in the reply to your review, my aim was to remind everyone of who Matt and Dan are, which are two English boys, who met unsuspectingly at university and came together. Matt's situation made the whole relationship that much more interesting but deep down they still have the same doubts and thoughts as every other couple. Like the present buying

I think in this chapter they are both glad just to still be with each other after everything that has happened so far.

 

And sorry for not replying to your comment on what you think might happen I forget to check here regularly, *makes mental note* hehe.

Hmm, as I replied to your review, this chapter was mostly a calm before the storm chapter and that's all I'm going to say hehehe

 

An even better question might be will Dan and Matt still be with each other at the end of the story?

 

Thankfully the next chapter is fully written and is with my editor so I will be able to post it much sooner than the gap between the last chapter and this one!

 

Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment fmd, really really appreciate it!

[Frostina]

My arse finally shifted into gear

 

 

 

I'm sooooooooooooooooooo NOT gonna comment on THAT one!

 

I LOVE the lightness in this chapter!

the friends are a hoot! sam is.. ah well, she's 'Sam'! lol

I do like her!

 

I know whats in the box!

OOOH! can i tell? can I? Can I?

 

Just a tiny one okay?

 

 

 

 

Yeah right!!! and then Stu sends Hquaio after me....

... although i think the big kitty just MIGHT like me.. Hmmm.. lemme think!

 

 

 

[Agaith]

hey everyone a new chapter of Seeing Double is now out, I must warn you it's a violent chapter.

 

Chapter 18

 

I'd love to know what you think of it

[Agaith]

Ok, to all of you who continue to read Seeing Double.

The story is going on hold.

I've noticed that the story really isnt getting much feedback recently and that may be in part because of how erratically I post chapters.

As a result I have decided to put the story on hold and finish the story before putting anymore chapters up on GA.

 

Sorry for doing this but it also means I can write without the pressure of having to get a chapter out weekly.

Rest assured the story will get finished, it's a story I originally set out to write for myself and still is. To all you fans may I ask for your patience and that I will post once SD is finished.

 

Thanks.

[AnytaSunday]

Hey Stu,

 

I understand where you're coming from, so please take your time and finish your wonderful story without feeling under pressure!

 

As for the not getting feedback, well, I can only speak for myself, but I have been all over the place with my readings and reviews at the moment. I AM enjoying myself though, and will get to reading all and commenting. Well, I wish you speedy typing fingers for the rest of SD--but I'll be patient. Sorta.

 

 

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Ok, to all of you who continue to read Seeing Double.

The story is going on hold.

I've noticed that the story really isnt getting much feedback recently and that may be in part because of how erratically I post chapters.

As a result I have decided to put the story on hold and finish the story before putting anymore chapters up on GA.

 

Sorry for doing this but it also means I can write without the pressure of having to get a chapter out weekly.

Rest assured the story will get finished, it's a story I originally set out to write for myself and still is. To all you fans may I ask for your patience and that I will post once SD is finished.

 

Thanks.

 

Wise idea - been there done that - totally with you. [i'm putting purpose on a 2-3 week hiatus to finish the novella entry

 

You'll feel better about the story when it's done this way too. Er that and I'm a bit behind so this gives me a chance to catch up on stuff and wait for you to finish.

[comicfan]

My arse finally shifted into gear and another chapter is now up for all you lovely readers!

 

Chapter 17

 

So what do we have to do to keep your ass happy so you keep posting? lol.

[Marzipan]

Awww.... Stu Happy writings! I'm gonna be reading it too. Lately I've been on writing gear I'm afraid and that meand less time for reading.

[comicfan]

Ok, to all of you who continue to read Seeing Double.

The story is going on hold.

I've noticed that the story really isnt getting much feedback recently and that may be in part because of how erratically I post chapters.

As a result I have decided to put the story on hold and finish the story before putting anymore chapters up on GA.

 

Sorry for doing this but it also means I can write without the pressure of having to get a chapter out weekly.

Rest assured the story will get finished, it's a story I originally set out to write for myself and still is. To all you fans may I ask for your patience and that I will post once SD is finished.

 

Thanks.

 

Rats. Well I understand. I have slowly lost comments on mine as well. not sure if people are interested or not so the story goes on. Figure mine will be done in about 7 more chapters so might do this as well.

[Nephylim]

Well, I totally understand. Weeping Lily went on hold for 6 months because i can't write to order. So i totally understand.

 

I am partly to blame for the lack of response but I am struggling with lots of things at the moment. Don't worry, I will catch up because I totally love the story.

 

The same goes to all the others who are waiting for me to get around to them.

 

The think is that I feel... not upset but kind of disappointed that the stories I posted on efiction which gots lots of reviews now have nothing because everyone has already read them so I feel obliged to go back to the very start to review and it's taking me some time

 

I haven't forgotten you hun... as if

[Agaith]

Ok! readers of Seeing Double your opinons are wanted

I will be writing the battle scenes soon and because this is what the main story has been leading up to I wanted to know how you'd rather read it as.

I could do one very (I mean very) large chapter and allow the battle in an entire chapter or to split it up into two, three or maybe even four separate chapters.

 

Any opinions or personal preferences are welcomed as this will effect my decision during the writing

 

(Oh and If hadn't said already, the ending is written and all I have to say is...don't lynch me! )

 

Love you all readers and fans

[Frostina]

Thats gonna be one mighty big chapter! :o

[Andrew Q Gordon]

I'd say several chapters - it allows you to break up thinks and leave us on several cliffs with the same 'scene'

 

Seriously, I think uber long chapters are a problem, there is no natural break. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[Mark92]

Well Ive never posted a reply here before. You know me well baby, and I dont go in for sci-fi, much or Warhammer. but I have totally loved this. And I can say to all the other fans that being your bf has perks and I know the ending

The visuals I am most impressed with, so much food for the imagination.

You are a very talented writer as well as being one incredibly gorgeous sexy hunk but thats getting off topic *phew*.

The chapters are rich in detail and so easy to see and be apart of.

You know I love your work and you

[option]

soooo.......

 

is it finished yet?  

[mdogger2892]

I recently discovered this story and LOVE IT! I am not normally into sci-fy novels being moved with romance, tend to get too freaky for me. But this one! Dang it is hitting the spot. Great job!

 

Just one question, I see the last edit/post pertaining to chapters was roughly 3 yrs ago? Is there going to be more? Did they get posted to another site and just never put here? What's going on? Lol

[Bleu]

Stu,

How can we coax you into finishing this awesome story?