Comsie Review - "bobby's Story"

[Comicality]

 
"Bobby's Story" By Uncle Bob

 

As one of the first bi-weekly reviews that I'm finally bringing back to the Comicality Café, I have to say that I was really surprised that this is the author's very first effort! REALLY surprised!

 

What you get with this story is such an honest and vivid flashback to a time when we were all experiencing that first awkward sexual awakening and trying to figure out what it all means. I could totally relate to every single situation in the first half of this story, where the main character, Robert (or 'Bobby Jay', hehehe, cute!), first begins noticing boys around the tender age of ten, and moves forward into his high school years. It actually brought back a lot of memories for me, hehehe! I enjoyed that! If you give it a read, you'll see what I mean. It can be a confusing time for us all, especially when you don't have a roadmap to 'normal'.

 

I don't want to give away too much of the details, because I feel like the story has a bit of a reveal after the halfway mark. It's nothing super 'shocking' or anything, but it's a cute idea that I think is better when read within the context of the story. But it's an enjoyable ride seeing Bobby Jay evolve over time in this story, while short and sweet, still gives you enough background to make you feel like you've known the main character for years.

 

I would like to see a bit more from these two if there's more story to tell. It could be left alone, but there are a million different other ways for this story to go after the last words are spoken. I would love to find out a little more about the 'Kevin' character, and how he fits into all this. I would love to know if Bobby Jay decides to come out or not. What him and his new love interests' friends and family might say. And of course...some more 'hot' times together as well would not be a bad thing!

 

There were a couple of little things that I noticed. For me, personally? I try to only 'flesh out' the main characters in he story, and allow the others to sort of stay in the background as far as details are concerned. In the beginning of the story you get to see friends, boys and girls, that are fully introduced. First name, last name, hair color, eye color, etc. But then we move on to Junior high school or high school, and they're never mentioned again. Which is fine, because they're not major parts of the story, but I didn't realize that ahead of time. I find that most readers, once you fully introduce a character, sort of lock that image away in the back of their mind as though they're going to be quizzed on it later. That 'back of the mind' closet gets cluttered pretty quickly. So I'd think just a first name would be fine for a character that only shows up in one or two scenes. Maybe a short description if necessary, but that's it. It keeps everybody's focus on the main character, and the readers won't get invested in a character that will disappear at the end of the paragraph.

 

Also...if you decide that you want to keep the descriptions in, I would suggest changing it up just a little bit. Have some fun with it. For example, there was the description of Louise Shaw, where you wrote:

 

"Louise had brown hair, hazel eyes, a cute little nose and a friendly smile."

 

Which is totally fine. Straight to the point, totally effective. Sometimes, simplicity is the best way to go. However, you also described Steven in a somewhat similar fashion. Then Toby. Then Bobby Jay, himself. It works once or twice, but it becomes this noticeable 'grocery list' of details when it comes to four or more people. For Louise, hmmm...I'd say try something like:

 

"Louise always did have a friendly smile, a bright glow in those hazel eyes, curtained on either side by the locks of her brown hair. A cute little nose, making the picture complete."

 

In your own words of course, but you get what I mean. You can maybe mention just one or two features at a time as the scene takes place. Letting the image of her come together a little slower. Then it's not just "She's this tall, and she's this cute, and she has this color hair, and this kind of smile". It varies things up a bit. But seeing as this is your first story, that's a very SMALL issue to even think about right now. All that comes with practice!

 

So, YES, you guys! Great story, from a first time author that you might want to keep an eye on! Uncle Bob! Check it out! I believe he's adding it to the new issue of Imagine Magazine (Being launched this coming Friday! http://www.imagine-magazine.org), and if I get any other addresses from him as to where you can find it, I'll be sure to post it right here! Cool?

 

Thanks a ton, dude! And I'll be back soon with my review of "Brandon Smiles" by MrM

Edited October 27, 2015 by Comicality

[Uncle Bob]

Comsie, thank you so much for the review.  I'm sure there are more glaring problems with this story than what you mentioned.  What can I say?  I gave it a shot.  Never thought I would write something like this.  In defense of the secondary characters issue, I left them behind in elementary school and should have handled that better.  I'm learning...

 

I hope that anyone who reads this story of mine will get some enjoyment from it.  All comments are welcome.

 

Hugs to everyone!

 

- Uncle Bob

 

 

[Comicality]

Hahaha! I just spent all that time talkin' you up, dude! Don't go talking about glaring problems NOW! I'm your wingman on this!

 

Honestly, though, I really didn't find anything else wrong with this story at all. The flow and rhythm of it works, the dialogue and characters is believable, the story is clearly described and well planned out...you really did a great job. And not just a great job for your first time, but a great job overall.

 

If you scroll down further on the Café forum, or look at some of the other pages, you can see more reviews that I've done on other stories as well. The character thing I think has come up once or twice before. Character is a big thing for me when I'm reading, so as soon as I get a name and description and stuff...I start to put that image in my head. So I keep adding characters, and they clog up the brainworks pretty quick. Hehehe, but don't worry about that for now. You just keep writing! It'll be second nature to you in no time!  

[MrM]

Comsie, thank you so much for the review.  I'm sure there are more glaring problems with this story than what you mentioned.  What can I say?  I gave it a shot.  Never thought I would write something like this.  In defense of the secondary characters issue, I left them behind in elementary school and should have handled that better.  I'm learning...

 

I hope that anyone who reads this story of mine will get some enjoyment from it.  All comments are welcome.

 

Hugs to everyone!

 

- Uncle Bob

 

Its now on my radar, Uncle Bob!

 

This is the sort of genre that attracted me to GA in the first place! I actually needed some other perspectives on growing up gay to see if what I experienced was 'normal'. I only came out fully this year and I lived with all these unresolved things for decades. I read Comsie's work and it settled me that mine was not in any way a unique experience. His work did create a sort of ideal of how things 'might have been' as opposed to how they actually were, but the background angst and experiences are authentic enough to be cathartic for someone like me.

 

I'm now hooked on the genre: the coming of age as a gay man in a brave new world. 

 

I am glad that I now have another great author to follow who is contributing their experience through this format. I shall add you along with Atruefan as author/therapists to follow!

 

Thank you for your work!

[Uncle Bob]

MrM,

 

I'm so glad you added a comment here.  It gives me the opportunity to praise your "Brandon Smiles" series.  I absolutely LOVE it!  A great companion story to Comsie's "Secret Life of Billy Chase".   And, you write so well!  I'm looking forward to reading more chapters.  You are definitely on MY radar.

 

I too am hooked on this genre (Gay-romance-teen) ever since I read my first Comicality story, which was "Billy Chase". And since have read everything Comsie has written, and more than once.  It is he most of all that I compare my own writing with.  I DO realize that Comsie has over 10 years experience, whereas I have written one story, so I'm trying not to be so hard on myself.

 

What I found cathartic, was not so much reading the stories, but actually writing one.  It was then that I was able to express with my own heart "what might have been". 

[MrM]

 

MrM,

 

I'm so glad you added a comment here.  It gives me the opportunity to praise your "Brandon Smiles" series.  I absolutely LOVE it!  A great companion story to Comsie's "Secret Life of Billy Chase".   And, you write so well!  I'm looking forward to reading more chapters.  You are definitely on MY radar.

 

I too am hooked on this genre (Gay-romance-teen) ever since I read my first Comicality story, which was "Billy Chase". And since have read everything Comsie has written, and more than once.  It is he most of all that I compare my own writing with.  I DO realize that Comsie has over 10 years experience, whereas I have written one story, so I'm trying not to be so hard on myself.

 

What I found cathartic, was not so much reading the stories, but actually writing one.  It was then that I was able to express with my own heart "what might have been". 

 

 

How lovely! Thank you for reading my Brandon story. It was the first one I started compiling for GA. It is actually a channeling of my youth so, you are right, in writing the story I find a powerful release of things long buried. As I've told lots of people amd Comsie himself: I *AM* Brandon. He is who I was when I was kid. It was almost eerie how Comsie described me through Billy's eyes. Now..I'm not super tall and I have green eyes instead of hazel, but the rest is all me! I have to wonder if I may have known 'Billy' at some point in my life.

 

Comsie actually addresses this sort of thing in an article he wrote in Imagine called 'Give Till it Hurts: The Painful Past'. Its the soul of our particular genre.