Third Shift

[Cole Matthews]

It seemed to me Cory could be at different stages simultaneously. He was angry and numb/in shock about being left by Sandy. When he questioned what and when it went wrong,

 

 

You're absolutely right.  The stages don't come in a particular order all the time and you can slip back and forth.  I remember a criticism of Kubler-Ross's idea was that it was too clean and rigid.  She agreed and said you can get stuck in a stage or revert, or even go through a couple at the same time.  Great observation!!!

[Mikiesboy]

I never felt like it was my fault my mum died or if I'd done something more it would have made a difference. And well Mike is the only guy i dated, so i've never had anyone dump me either. 

[Valkyrie]

I would have to agree with Tim and Puppilull.  I haven't felt that any of the major losses in my life were my fault. Any guilt that I've felt is more related to things not said or done or that could have been done differently. 

[Cole Matthews]

I would have to agree with Tim and Puppilull.  I haven't felt that any of the major losses in my life were my fault. Any guilt that I've felt is more related to things not said or done or that could have been done differently. 

 

 

Interesting. I wonder if some of it may be trying to figure out my part in things. I don't think it's always the case especially in a death of a person. Death of a relationship has always made me wonder about my role. 

[Puppilull]

Interesting. I wonder if some of it may be trying to figure out my part in things. I don't think it's always the case especially in a death of a person. Death of a relationship has always made me wonder about my role. 

 

Yes, to me that would be different kinds of grief. I haven't had a break up as an adult (weird but true...) so I don't know if I would go into the whole 'Was it me?'-phase. It would probably depend on why the relationship ended. 

[Cole Matthews]

In Chapter 9, we see both Lawson and Cory struggle with anger. There are times when it feels like the world is against us.  How do we handle it?  Does knowing it's just our mindset help?  

 

I'll give you my impression.  When I started writing this story, I was grieving a loss.  This chapter was a way for me to step back from my pain and look at it in a different light.  I think sometimes art can help heal us.  By expressing ourselves, we start to process what's happening and feel better about it.  What do you think?

[Valkyrie]

Writing can certainly be cathartic.  I find it's a great way to help deal with emotions that need an outlet or I don't know how to otherwise express.  

[Mikiesboy]

In Chapter 9, we see both Lawson and Cory struggle with anger. There are times when it feels like the world is against us.  How do we handle it?  Does knowing it's just our mindset help?  

 

I'll give you my impression.  When I started writing this story, I was grieving a loss.  This chapter was a way for me to step back from my pain and look at it in a different light.  I think sometimes art can help heal us.  By expressing ourselves, we start to process what's happening and feel better about it.  What do you think?

God.. from 15 to 31 I was sure the world was against me. From 15 to 22, drugs were my way to cope with how I was living, what I did to survive.. but during sober moments it was something my mum said to me before she died. Without those words, I think I would have just given up. But it was like she knew the future; hers and mine, and she gave those words to me and they've carried me through pain and horrors and they are still with me now during happy times. They were; and remember i love you. You're the strongest of the three men in this family, you just don't know it yet. Don't be afraid to be who you are.  I never told her about being gay, but I'm 100% sure she knew.

 

Writing helped too, the poems I wrote then helped.  I didn't write a lot of prose then, but I wrote about things that happened; kind of a journal i guess. It's not pretty stuff and it's best left where it is. 

[Cole Matthews]

Writing can certainly be cathartic.  I find it's a great way to help deal with emotions that need an outlet or I don't know how to otherwise express.  

 

 

Writing helped too, the poems I wrote then helped.  I didn't write a lot of prose then, but I wrote about things that happened; kind of a journal i guess. It's not pretty stuff and it's best left where it is. 

 

This story really helped me a lot.  It helped me move through some pretty bitter and angry feelings.  I'm now feeling much better about things.  Writing, expressing yourself, and playing with the emotions can help.  I believe that's one of the reasons they use art therapy with kids.  

[Mikiesboy]

This story really helped me a lot.  It helped me move through some pretty bitter and angry feelings.  I'm now feeling much better about things.  Writing, expressing yourself, and playing with the emotions can help.  I believe that's one of the reasons they use art therapy with kids.

 

Glad you're doing better Cole. There are no set rules about coping, I think you need to let yourself feel it, whatever it is. Keeping in mind what you've just experienced, and tell yourself what you'd tell a friend, that it's ok to feel it.

[Cole Matthews]

Hey there!  I have a question about the anger stage in connection to chapters 9 & 10.  Why do we need to get angry while grieving?  One theory is we have to separate ourselves from that which we've lost.  Raging against the past is so pointless, why do we need it?  Let me know what you think.  

[Puppilull]

To me, grief is a passive, numbing stage where you exist in a daze. The anger comes along to break us out of there.

 

As for anger being pointless... isn't that true for all emotion in that case? Why not simply accept and get in with things? No, because we're human. Feelings aren't right or wrong. Pointless or fruitful. They just are. They let us connect to ourselves and others.

 

Rage can be harmful if given a free rein, but I think shutting off your anger in attempt to rise above such a base feeling can be equally harmful. If you harness the power of rage, it can propel you onwards, preventing you from getting stuck in grief.

[Valkyrie]

To me, grief is a passive, numbing stage where you exist in a daze. The anger comes along to break us out of there.

 

As for anger being pointless... isn't that true for all emotion in that case? Why not simply accept and get in with things? No, because we're human. Feelings aren't right or wrong. Pointless or fruitful. They just are. They let us connect to ourselves and others.

 

Rage can be harmful if given a free rein, but I think shutting off your anger in attempt to rise above such a base feeling can be equally harmful. If you harness the power of rage, it can propel you onwards, preventing you from getting stuck in grief.

I don't think I could have said it better. I agree 100%.  

[Cole Matthews]

To me, grief is a passive, numbing stage where you exist in a daze. The anger comes along to break us out of there.

 

As for anger being pointless... isn't that true for all emotion in that case? Why not simply accept and get in with things? No, because we're human. Feelings aren't right or wrong. Pointless or fruitful. They just are. They let us connect to ourselves and others.

 

I love this! Yeah! I think there is a definite merit to this idea. Anger arouses us. It could maintain our mental health.  An excellent counter-theory. 

 

I dont believe emotion is pointless. These reactions exist because through evolution they were worth keeping. At least that's my idea. Most reactions are gradiations of emotional states. Thank you so much Puppilull for such a thoughtful analysis. 

[Mikiesboy]

Anger is the small selfish child inside, pissed off that he can't keep what he wants ... I think it is a way of separating. Realizing you can't have that person anymore. For most, I think that after the anger is a time of peace and acceptance. You're tired, calmer, you can start to think and understand.

[Cole Matthews]

Bargaining.  Why do we think a higher power or something cosmic is going to save us?  Change things?  I've always been fascinated by the story of Faust.  We make bargains with God, with the devil, and of course with ourselves.  What do you think?

[Timothy M.]

I've read chapter (11 &) 12.  I couldn't even like it, forget about reviewing. Sorry, but the ending made me cringe for Cory.

I absolutely detest when people make fools of themselves with embarassing behavior because they're drunk or otherwise not in control. The whole story is painful to read, brilliant but painful, but this was the worst so far.

I admire you for tackling this difficult topic, I just can't cope. Hope you don't mind... I'll still read, but I can't participate there or here.

[Puppilull]

For me, the bargaining is part of denial. Since being angry didn't work, you try a different tactic to try and make things go away. You still don't really want to believe that whatever happened has actually happened. In a weird attempt to change things, we call upon pretty much anything.

 

I agree with Tim about the last chapter being difficult to read, but I find stories with protagonists being less than perfect or logical more interesting. I can relate better since virtually all of us have done stupid things out of hurt or anger.

[Cole Matthews]

For me, the bargaining is part of denial. Since being angry didn't work, you try a different tactic to try and make things go away. You still don't really want to believe that whatever happened has actually happened. In a weird attempt to change things, we call upon pretty much anything.

 

I agree with Tim about the last chapter being difficult to read, but I find stories with protagonists being less than perfect or logical more interesting. I can relate better since virtually all of us have done stupid things out of hurt or anger.

 

I think you're right.  It is a coping mechanism and probably an offshoot of denial.  I've always been fascinated by the actions of people and then finding out later what internal struggle they were having.  This segment was trying because we don't like seeing people acting out.  Unfortunately, we all do it.  All of us occasionally do things we aren't so proud of.  Thanks for the comment!!!

[Cole Matthews]

I've read chapter (11 &) 12.  I couldn't even like it, forget about reviewing. Sorry, but the ending made me cringe for Cory.

I absolutely detest when people make fools of themselves with embarassing behavior because they're drunk or otherwise not in control. The whole story is painful to read, brilliant but painful, but this was the worst so far.

I admire you for tackling this difficult topic, I just can't cope. Hope you don't mind... I'll still read, but I can't participate there or here.

 

I'm sorry if you feel the story is difficult.  I think the grieving process is difficult.  I tried to reflect the discomfort and irrationality we experience while dealing with the death of something.  Thanks for the comment.  

[AC Benus]

For the anger question, to me part of the essence of being human is hurt. This hurt is most acute when couched in notions of 'that's unfair,' and when something changes in our lives against our will (like death, loss, losing a job or friend, or even just being confused), this inner cry of 'it's so unfair' comes out of the blue. The frustration that fate or God or other people are against us raises anger as the most other basic human mechanism to cope with the hurt. 

 

That's my take on it anyway...  

Edited June 20, 2016 by AC Benus

[Puppilull]

I think you're right.  It is a coping mechanism and probably an offshoot of denial.  I've always been fascinated by the actions of people and then finding out later what internal struggle they were having.  This segment was trying because we don't like seeing people acting out.  Unfortunately, we all do it.  All of us occasionally do things we aren't so proud of.  Thanks for the comment!!!

 

It's so hard to know another's back story. Usually, there are explanations for all actions and hearing those make you view things in a different light. That's why I give people the benefit of a doubt more often than not, but also perhaps why I tend not to trust or invest in people until I know them really well. 

[Mikiesboy]

Bargaining.  Why do we think a higher power or something cosmic is going to save us?  Change things?  I've always been fascinated by the story of Faust.  We make bargains with God, with the devil, and of course with ourselves.  What do you think?

I have hurt people i love. My husband quite badly before he was my husband. When I said after dating him for a year I couldnt marry him. Another good friend who i said i didn't want to see again, but then changed my mind and asked for forgiveness. Luckily I got it.

 

Both of them left me for a time but I don't remember bargaining, I remember blaming myself. I remember it hurt. But I am not a believer in either god or the devil (though I do like a good horror story with them as characters) so i wouldnt think to ask for them to help me. I didnt say, Oh if Mike takes me back I'll do whatever .. but it hurt ... maybe more because I'd done it to myself. 

[Mikiesboy]

When I said horrific in my review, I meant for Cory. The poor bastard wasn't ready ... I don't know that I'd ever be. Seeing the man I loved and lived with, moving in with my friend. Our stuff there in their place, kissing in front of me, when I've said I missed you. They probably won't give him another chance, but this mess is owned by them too.

[Cole Matthews]

When I said horrific in my review, I meant for Cory. The poor bastard wasn't ready ... I don't know that I'd ever be. Seeing the man I loved and lived with, moving in with my friend. Our stuff there in their place, kissing in front of me, when I've said I missed you. They probably won't give him another chance, but this mess is owned by them too.

 

I think Cory was ready to try.  In fact, I'd argue he needed to make the effort to get past it.  In my mind, Sandy and Casey really care for Cory.  The relationship had been done for quite some time.  The prologue was the end of the relationship.  That's what Sandy was talking on the phone about.  The Witch of November started this chain of events.  Thanks!!!