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Gosh, the wearing of the red looks good on you :)

 

This is a very intriguing excerpt. Looking forward to reading it when you begin to post.

 

 

You, Mr. Benus, inspired me with your Famous Barr stories to stretch my creative muscles. I hope it works for the reader. 

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You, Mr. Benus, inspired me with your Famous Barr stories to stretch my creative muscles. I hope it works for the reader. 

Wow. Amazing. How you've made my day!

 

I've been plugging away, behind the scenes, trying to finish the series. In a week or so I plan on posting an entire chapter of the 1913 tale as a sort of extended preview. It's set in summer, so it should be great for this time of year.

 

Thank you for your support, Cole. Again, I do like working with you, and pieces like Bound & Bound and Sunshine are much better for your involvement.

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Coming soon is a new story called Third Shift.  It's a different kind of tale.  It explores the stages of grief from the point of view of a man named Cory McDaniel.  He's a counselor at the Hennepin County Detention Center, basically the jail for the county.  He is coping with loss as is another man, one of his patients.  Together, the two men are struggling to pass through denial, guilt, anger, bargaining, depression, hopefulness to finally get to the acceptance stage. 

 

The story is a 'ripped from the headlines' kind of tale.  It's based on actual events, but the stories and characters are completely fictional.  The subject matter is very grim.  It's definitely rated mature and if you are sensitive, this won't be the story for you.

 

Here is an excerpt from the section called, Simon Peter.  Cory is talking with his boss about rules.  Desmond Carroll tells the counselor he shouldn't ask detainees why they're in jail.  This is their discussion. 

 

"We don't ask because it only messes with our heads," he finally said.  Carroll let out another sigh, this one sounded resigned.  "You don't want to know what they supposedly did because it interferes with our treatment.  If you know you're helping a guy who beat the hell out of his wife, you won't try as hard to counsel him."

 

"I can assure you-" Cory began, but his boss quickly interrupted him with an upraised hand and a steely gaze.

 

"I'm not insinuating you're not professional.  I'm saying you're human and if you know what kind of crime they may have committed, it will affect your treatment.  I've seen it time and time again.  Don't think you are above or past having it alter your perception of the patient.  That's what these men are, patients we are giving health care to.  If you were treating a cut or a broken bone, would it matter what they did to get put in here?"

 

I hope you'll join me in this discussion.

 

I would read this Cole. Having been the one being treated by doctors while in jail, and as a street kid /junkie, I'm interested to see how this story unfolds. I had varied experiences as you could probably guess. I'll look forward to it.

 

tim

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Ohh, I'm on board.. But, I'm behind with some other stories so it will be a late start for me.. Looking forward to it.. 


I may give it a try, although it's not a comfortable theme.

Definitely not comfortable Tim, but for me I find it very intriguing.. 

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The next two chapters of Third Shift are up and running.  Here is the exercise I imagined.  How do you perceive things while dealing with loss?  What kinds of tricks does the mind play?  I know I have sugar-coated and white-washed things only to realize I was coping not reality.  Have you?  

 

Thanks for reading.  

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I tend to shut down and withdraw from everything.  Sometimes there's a delay in processing the loss, other times I spend days in bed eating ice cream, cheesecake, and anything else I can get my hands on while watching TV and sobbing my eyes out.

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The next two chapters of Third Shift are up and running.  Here is the exercise I imagined.  How do you perceive things while dealing with loss?  What kinds of tricks does the mind play?  I know I have sugar-coated and white-washed things only to realize I was coping not reality.  Have you?  

 

Thanks for reading.  

Yes sure I've done that. When I get bad news, I usually want to crawl under a rock and I don't want to talk about it. Saying it out loud makes it real. I need a day or two before I can say or talk about whatever it is. 

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I tend to shut down and withdraw from everything.  Sometimes there's a delay in processing the loss, other times I spend days in bed eating ice cream, cheesecake, and anything else I can get my hands on while watching TV and sobbing my eyes out.

 

 

Yes sure I've done that. When I get bad news, I usually want to crawl under a rock and I don't want to talk about it. Saying it out loud makes it real. I need a day or two before I can say or talk about whatever it is. 

 

This is interesting. Both of you seem to use isolation as a way to cope with the initial loss. I guess it could be considered a form of denial. Regardless, it's definitely a coping mechanism.  I tend to become numb and pretend it didn't happen as though it is a dream and not real. 

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This is interesting. Both of you seem to use isolation as a way to cope with the initial loss. I guess it could be considered a form of denial. Regardless, it's definitely a coping mechanism.  I tend to become numb and pretend it didn't happen as though it is a dream and not real. 

Cole it is denial, for me at least. Totally. Whatever it is, I dont want to think about it and I'll pretend it's not happening until i've processed it for a bit, usually a day or two. 

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I guess I'm in the denial corner as well. I think it's practically standard for most. Afyer a ehile it morphs into sadness, zapping me of all energy.

 

Anger could be another method, but I think for me I would have to have someone real to direct my anger at.

 

I lost some very close people as a child and for a long time I thought I didn't really grieve. As I got older and particularly as I had kids, the grief started to pop up and overwhelm me at random times. It could be any situation reminding me of my loss. Probably a good thing to let it out, but surprising to say the least. So I figure we all grieve and it has to come out. Question is how and when...

Edited by Puppilull
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The latest chapter of Third Shift has been posted.  As I mentioned in the notes, we are exploring the stages of grief.  Below are the links to Kubler-Ross's original idea and an expansion of her theory.  What do you think of the stages idea?  There have been many criticisms of it, yet also some serious studies have shown it has merit.  I was fascinated by it because when I dealt with the death of a friend, it comforted me.  We may share something universally.  Death touches the core of our beliefs and emotional states.  It's not exact though.  Let me know what you think.

 

http://www.ekrfoundation.org/five-stages-of-grief/

 

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

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The latest chapter of Third Shift has been posted.  As I mentioned in the notes, we are exploring the stages of grief.  Below are the links to Kubler-Ross's original idea and an expansion of her theory.  What do you think of the stages idea?  There have been many criticisms of it, yet also some serious studies have shown it has merit.  I was fascinated by it because when I dealt with the death of a friend, it comforted me.  We may share something universally.  Death touches the core of our beliefs and emotional states.  It's not exact though.  Let me know what you think.

 

http://www.ekrfoundation.org/five-stages-of-grief/

 

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

You know I lost my mum when I was 15, a friend of mine commited suicide when I was about 23 and when I met my husband he came with a dog that adopted me, the dog died recently. On the streets I saw people beat each other, beat a dog to death, so many horrible things and then there was the final beating I took that nearly finished me.

 

I'm pretty sure I went through some of the steps described, I remember feeling anger when I saw teens out with their mums knowing I'd never see mine again. I was angry at Jeff when he was alive, but not after he died. And when Ripley, my first ever pet, died there was no anger just deep sadness and feelings of loss. 

 

But before I deal with the pain, I know I want to avoid it if I can but after a day or two of hiding, I know I just can't avoid it. I have to work to get through it-let myself feel, cry and talk. Writing, though, is my way out, especially poetry. I can let out my fears and pain so much more easily. 

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Cole I am happy you understood my review. I prefer to tell the truth about how things make me feel. But often authors don't want really know. 

 

I know his boss didn't know about Sandy, and I guess that Cory needs to learn that sometimes the counsellor needs counselling. Bosses often want to know how their employees are, at least that's been my experience where I work. If something is affecting your life, it will probably affect your work. 

 

And I am sorry about spelling Cory's name wrong.. don't know where the 'e' came from. I'll remember going forward.

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To me, the stages make sense and I think you experience them. Perhaps not in the particular order and some stages you repeat over and over before moving on. I guess for some, certain stages can remain. On some days,I still return to anger, pain and sad reflection over people I lost many years ago. So the stages are there, just not as stages but more a circle. A spiral maybe, with wider and wider circles since the intensity of the emotions are reduced over the years. They are never completely gone.

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To me, the stages make sense and I think you experience them. Perhaps not in the particular order and some stages you repeat over and over before moving on. I guess for some, certain stages can remain. On some days,I still return to anger, pain and sad reflection over people I lost many years ago. So the stages are there, just not as stages but more a circle. A spiral maybe, with wider and wider circles since the intensity of the emotions are reduced over the years. They are never completely gone.

Oh Pup, that is so good.. a spiral or circle.. yeah that makes sense to me.  I don't know I think with my mum going when I was so young, I think I've mourned her differently at different times of my life.  Certainly miss her presence and advice. Sad she didn't get to meet Michael, she'd have been pleased with him. Still something comes to me i'd like to say to her, but I can't. That gets to me.. but it passes quickly too.

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Oh Pup, that is so good.. a spiral or circle.. yeah that makes sense to me.  I don't know I think with my mum going when I was so young, I think I've mourned her differently at different times of my life.  Certainly miss her presence and advice. Sad she didn't get to meet Michael, she'd have been pleased with him. Still something comes to me i'd like to say to her, but I can't. That gets to me.. but it passes quickly too.

 

Yeah, I know what you mean. For me, certain things I read or hear can make me miss my dad something fierce. I was so young when he died, I don't think I actually miss him as much as the idea of him. Still hurts though. As with you, I miss him not meeting my husband or my kids. Especially when my oldest asks about him. Just the other day she suddenly said "He sounds like a nice man..." That gets to me. 

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I like spirals idea especially since we never really let it go.  I lost several good friends to AIDS and I still think of them, miss them, and it hurts all over.  The grief may not come back as acutely as it did when fresh, but the scars ache throughout your life.  I think Puppilull's right also.  We lose a part of ourselves when they die, a role they played and a niche they filled in us.  Great discussion!!!!

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The latest chapters of Third Shift are posted.  This is the guilt stage of grief.  In Kubler-Ross's seminal work, this stage wasn't included as part of the process.  However, I found this feeling was quite acute for me.  I felt if only I'd done something different, I wouldn't have faced the loss.  It's quite a bizarre feeling especially given we haven't usually caused the loss in any way.  Has anyone else experienced this?  I'd love to hear your impressions.  

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It seemed to me Cory could be at different stages simultaneously. He was angry and numb/in shock about being left by Sandy. When he questioned what and when it went wrong, I didn't think about guilt as much as a part of his disbelief of having his relationship end in such a terrble way. He still can't really believe it. Maybe that is a form of guilt? I haven't felt guilty when I lost people I love. Perhaps because I was too young at the time.  

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