Graeme Temporary Dads

[Graeme]

The first chapter of my new novel is now live.

[sharedmedia=stories:stories:5474]

 

[Reader1810]

Read it. Loved it and will Like it in a minute. Looking forward to more.

[clochette]

Loved it, a great start. I'm excited to see how it'll all go

[Timothy M.]

One wonders how Lisa's husband managed to become a nice guy without any bigotted tendencies towards gay men, considering the reaction of his mother. But perhaps his father isn't that way and his mother may have fallen into bad company after Craig left home. Like a stupid church or something? I mean, she seemed a nice woman otherwise; she was kind to Alan when they first arrived.

Edited October 22, 2016 by Timothy M.

[Timothy M.]

I finally read the story note, and now I know why you mention public telephone booths. I bet you don't have many of those anymore.

[Graeme]

I finally read the story note, and now I know why you mention public telephone booths. I bet you don't have many of those anymore.

They are still around, but not as common as they used to be

[Timothy M.]

I hope Alan's parents are properly mortified at their refusal to carry a cell phone once they hear the bad news. How could they be so stupid and selfish?

[clochette]

But perhaps his father isn't that way and his mother may have fallen into bad company after Craig left home. Like a stupid church or something? I mean, she seemed a nice woman otherwise; she was kind to Alan when they first arrived.

The grandpa didn't really express anything, like he didn't really care/wanted to fight, it would be comprehensible as it was his son funeral for him to feel numb and to not feel like taking care of young children.

The kids didn't even react to their grandma but didn't want to leave his uncle's arms, I think that speak volume of who they feel comfortable with

[Rndmrunner]

A great start. My only critique is having the graveside confrontation with Craig's mother. The reader is still trying to get their bearings. The mother if she is so "traditional" would likely not have accepted a man caring for the grandchildren and had stepped in right from the start and triggered the confrontation before the funeral. I know that I sound like a prig but it is more from the viewpoint of story pacing and the trader (in this case me) keeping up. 

 

It is sweet to remember my kids at that age even if your circumstances are horrible.

 

Thanks for filling in the gap left by the end of the Leopard's cycle

[Timothy M.]

The mother if she is so "traditional" would likely not have accepted a man caring for the grandchildren and had stepped in right from the start and triggered the confrontation before the funeral.

 

I think she would be OK with a straight man looking after the children short term, especially if her son was involved the care-giving.

I'm guessing she's one of those deluded bigots who equals gay with child molester, and that is the background for her sudden reversal of manner. Also her ire seems to be even more directed to Peter who isn't related by blood to the boys. She might realize she cannot fight Alan's guardian position as Lisa's brother, but she may try to object to Peter staying in the house. It could place additional strain on the two men's relationship.

And no, Graeme, I haven't hacked into your story notes.

[clochette]

Also her grandchildren are gonna be the only link to her son, it's kinda normal she'd want them close to her after such a tragedy (I'm definitely not excusing what she said!).

As a grandmother she probably has this fear her daughter in law and her brother that she probably dont know and has only meet at her son's wedding are gonna keep her away, she'd lose sight of the kids and after a lose you don't think clearly

[Reader1810]

Personally, I think she was okay with Alan because he' the boys' uncle and she had no idea he was gay. That is what set her off. Her hubby's reaction may have been due to shock, but I think she's the stronger personality in that relationship as well. Time and the next chapter should shed some light on what's up with her.

 

So Graeme, is there an eta on the next chapter? Looks like you already have some very curious readers looking for answers..... 

[Timothy M.]

So Graeme, is there an eta on the next chapter? Looks like you already have some very curious readers looking for answers..... 

 

Every Saturday morning is my guess. Graeme is the clever guy who doesn't start posting until he's far ahead in writing or almost done with the story. Not like other people

Edited October 22, 2016 by Timothy M.

[clochette]

I think twice a week would be gold. Cause the rest of the week will get jealous if you only post on the weekends

[Reader1810]

Every Saturday morning is my guess. Graeme is the clever duy who doesn't start posting until he's far ahead in writing or almost done with the story. Not like other people

 

Ah, it's okay when that happens because there's always something to keep us hungry birds occupied. 

I think twice a week would be gold. Cause the rest of the week will get jealous if you only post on the weekends

 

I do like how you think Clo

[skinnydragon]

Everyone is jumping to conclusions that the grandmother is homophobic. In reality, she doesn't like Peter because he gives their grandsons potato chips. 

 

 

btw as someone who has never been to Australia, what are potato chips called there? I think they're called crisps in the UK. Maybe someone can come to the aid a flailing dragon?

[Graeme]

A great start. My only critique is having the graveside confrontation with Craig's mother. The reader is still trying to get their bearings. The mother if she is so "traditional" would likely not have accepted a man caring for the grandchildren and had stepped in right from the start and triggered the confrontation before the funeral. I know that I sound like a prig but it is more from the viewpoint of story pacing and the trader (in this case me) keeping up. 

 

It is sweet to remember my kids at that age even if your circumstances are horrible.

 

Thanks for filling in the gap left by the end of the Leopard's cycle

 

I know there is a lot of speculation regarding the actions and motivations of the grandparents, but I won't comment except to say that people in a distressed situation can react in ways they normally wouldn't. Yes, a confrontation at a funeral is not appropriate, but it's also a time of great stress, and someone who may normally be more considerate could react to a surprise in an non-typical manner.

 

 

Every Saturday morning is my guess. Graeme is the clever guy who doesn't start posting until he's far ahead in writing or almost done with the story. Not like other people

 

Correct. I have 11 chapters currently written, and I believe I'm about halfway through the story. I hope I'll have the rest of the story finished well before I run out of chapters to post.

 

I think twice a week would be gold. Cause the rest of the week will get jealous if you only post on the weekends

 

If I had the story finished, I'd do this, but since I'm still writing, I need to make sure I give myself time to complete the story before the buffer of edited chapters runs out. Sorry

 

Everyone is jumping to conclusions that the grandmother is homophobic. In reality, she doesn't like Peter because he gives their grandsons potato chips. 

 

 

btw as someone who has never been to Australia, what are potato chips called there? I think they're called crisps in the UK. Maybe someone can come to the aid a flailing dragon?

 

Potato chips and french fries are both called 'chips' here, though the latter can also be called 'hot chips'. However, given the ubiquitous nature of places like McDonalds, the term 'french fries' is well-known. And as we get a lot of British (as well as American) TV shows, 'crisps' is also known.

 

If a shop sells both potato chips and french fries, the usual approach is to either order 'chips' or 'a packet of chips' (usually specifying the flavour: plain, salt & vinegar, chicken, etc). The former would be the french fries and that latter would be the potato chips.

[Headstall]

Totally hooked after the first chapter. Tears at the funeral scene, until anger replaced it... but that hospital scene finished me. It's fortunate kids can bounce back, but they also don't forget ANYTHING they've seen. Lisa needed to see them, but I'm sure she regrets it now. It's a no-win situation, but hopefully the bruising will go down quickly and the kid's memory of her will be replaced. Cheers....

[Reader1810]

Totally hooked after the first chapter. Tears at the funeral scene, until anger replaced it... but that hospital scene finished me. It's fortunate kids can bounce back, but they also don't forget ANYTHING they've seen. Lisa needed to see them, but I'm sure she regrets it now. It's a no-win situation, but hopefully the bruising will go down quickly and the kid's memory of her will be replaced. Cheers....

 

That's very true. I'm not sure if the boys would believe their uncle's that "mommy is better". Alan and Peter might think of showing them a photo of Lisa looking more like herself before they try again.....

[Headstall]

That's very true. I'm not sure if the boys would believe their uncle's that "mommy is better". Alan and Peter might think of showing them a photo of Lisa looking more like herself before they try again.....

I'm sure their house is full of pictures, so yeah, that may help... but seeing her like that had to be traumatic... poor little fellows....

[Reader1810]

I'm sure their house is full of pictures, so yeah, that may help... but seeing her like that had to be traumatic... poor little fellows....

 

I was thinking about a photo of her in hospital when she looks a little better and more recognizable so that they can see that she's still their mommy - in spite of the bandages and bruises,

 

As for them being traumatized, I agree with you. Poor little guys. 

Edited October 23, 2016 by Reader1810

[Former Member]

I can't really remember attending my paternal grandfather's funeral when I was 5, but I can remember my maternal grandfather's funeral when I was 9. They both lived in Chicago and although I know they met us, I cannot remember them at all. I had been way too young to have any memories.

 

The funeral I can remember was confusing because I could sense the emotions, but I didn't understand them. (I still have difficulty identifying emotions and have talked to my therapist about that issue many times.) I only knew a few of my relatives, and none of the others attending the service, since we lived halfway across the country (and even further away, in Hawaii, during the earlier funeral).

[hohochan657]

Peter is a genius, coming up with the phone idea ! Lisa is a very capable and loving parent, from the snippets of information that Troy and Bradley dish out ... Poor Alan, he has a lot to live up to. I feel so sad for Lisa, to lose her husband and having her children say cruel things to her at the hospital, I'm traumatised, and I can't even begin to understand her pain (both physical and mental) and grief ... F--k indeed (being careful with my language in public)

 

Just a great story so far, honest and sincere !

 

Thank you, Graeme !

[Timothy M.]

Alan and Peter need to relax and not worry about 'spoiling' those kids for a while. Trying to go all stern and parental is not a good idea on kids who are traumatized by losing their dad and seeing their mum in hospital. Let them eat in front of the TV, say no to food they don't want to try, and give them honest but simple answers to questions.

 

Oh, and the fuck incident made me think of the very popular Danish movie Den Eneste Ene (The One and Only). If you ever have a chance to see it (with subtitles) you should. It funny and awesome.

[Rndmrunner]

I appreciate how even in a bare few days, Peter and Alan see that there are no rules and what works for one moment or one child may not work later. Constant improved hopefully grace under fire. A lovely premise for a story (if sad) and rick in possibilities.