Aeris - Guardian Force By Brayon

[Brayon]

Would love to get your feedback on my story, Aeris - Guardian force. It's my first one for GA!

 

 

Edited May 14, 2019 by Brayon
Fixed link to story.

[Brayon]

Part 2 of Act 1 - Origins, has been published a couple of days now. This rounds out the Origins of the crew of the Prometheus.

 

Some quick notes:

Aeris is pronounced (AIR-is).

Wikipedia has been a Godsend with some info.

According to some astronomers, & astrophysicists, all the stars within 20 Light years are considered our "Local Group."

 

 

Depending on reception of this story, I can see some Prequel arcs being written.

 

Let me know what you think!

[Brayon]

Just posted Act 2 – Prelude to War Part 1. Waiting for it to pass the moderators queue so you all can read it. I hope you're enjoying it, & please feel free to post feedback, & reviews!

[Jeff1]

Really liking the way this story is forming, the past few chapters are setting up the characters and the background to the story very nicely, only problem with reading from an early stage is waiting for the next chapter to be posted   

Think this story is going on to great strengths.  

Look forward to reading more.  

Thanks BHopper.

[Brayon]

Thank you! I'm working on Part 2 of Act 2 right now, & expect it done before weekend. Once upload, it will then wait for the moderators.

[Brayon]

Slight alterations to the previous chapters, for spelling errors, and the use of '&'. Working on the next section.

 

Tech Item of Note: Halo Screen. This is a holographic image display, that is wrapped around a person's head. Transparency can be adjusted at will.

[Jeff1]

Hi Bhopper, just wondering if your planning a release date for the next chapter of this enjoyable story?

[Brayon]

Working on the next installment now. December has been a real P.I.T.A., with a move, and then Holidays. I'm hoping to get an editor to read over it, before posting.

 

Sneak Peak: Start of next segment is the landing into the Capital City, and Aeris' first experience to the magic of the Thorian Empire!

[Brayon]

Quick update. I'm working on the next installment now. Had a rough past couple of months with a move right before the Holidays, and Medical issues afterwards. I've been working on research, formatting, etc., so I can deliver a good product to you all.

[Brayon]

 

Book 0, with snippets of Aeris' life before the current mission. Hope you enjoy it.

Edited May 24, 2017 by BHopper2
Corrected story link

[FormerMember4]

Nice little backstory to who Aeris is... Like the relationship between him and John. 

[Brayon]

4 hours ago, BlindAmbition said:

Nice little backstory to who Aeris is... Like the relationship between him and John. 

Thanks! I got some plans for Lt. Commander J.G. John Chandler down the road that affects Aeris. I'm glad you liked it.

[Brayon]

The latest chapter has been posted. I hope you enjoy it. Please let me know of any questions, comments, or snide remarks. All is welcomed.

[Brayon]

A new chapter is up. Let me know what you think.

[Brayon]

What's this? Another chapter? Why yes it is another chapter. After Action Report of the Prometheus' first battle. I am seeking feedback on this one more than normal. I liked the chapter. My betas liked the chapter. But it felt wonky to me. Most of it was done, based on my readings of other SciFi ship battles, and countless SciFi movies. Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica for instance.

[Brayon]

23 hours ago, NoSkis said:

nice format to move the story along :-)  my question is what is a (military?) short shift?  I assume a shift rotation faster than what is traditional (and what is that?) so that the staff can function at a high level of readiness, which can be difficult/impossible to hold over a 'normal' shift?  

 

please educate me :-)

 

 

17 hours ago, BHopper2 said:

Thanks for reading and for the questions.

 

For my story's military, when working on a ship, there are three 8 hour shifts, so they work 8 hours on, and 16 hours off. During the off hours, they are required to do further training and skills practice. I'm not really sure how it is for Real World Militaries, so it may be similar, or completely different.

 

First Watch is from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm ships time. Typically the highest scoring and best crew are in this timeslot.

Second Watch is from 4:00 pm to 12:00 am. Typically crewed by Seconds and lower ranking officers.

Third Watch is from 12:00 am to 8:00 am. Typically reserved for trainees, Higher Ranked enlisted training for officer positions and punishment for bad performance.

 

When the Prometheus broke orbit, they were in the middle of Second Watch. At 8 hours till engagement, it would have put the battle at a time when the Third watch was on, and crewed by Trainees. So, Admiral Franks ordered short shifts to speed up the time in which First Watch can be on the bridge, and across the ship.

 

Even though First Watch, is the most experience of the crew, until the Battle of Gilese Prime, the Sol Federation Navy had never fired a shot in anger. The Marines, Air Force, and Army have had engagements with Terrorists, and hostile Wildlife, but never the Navy.

 

 

[Brayon]

New Installment posted. Let me know what you think.

[Brayon]

I temporarily took down the Aeris Photo Album. A Couple of the pictures were over the new guidelines, and I needed to go back through them.

[Drew Espinosa]

Hey BH, I have a question; Admiral Franks is addressed as "Sir" by her subordinates, is that standard military procedure- to address all high ranking officers as Sir, regardless of gender?  

[Brayon]

Just now, Drew Espinosa said:

Hey BH, I have a question; Admiral Franks is addressed as "Sir" by her subordinates, is that standard military procedure- to address all high ranking officers as Sir, regardless of gender?  

 

In my universe, it is. The reasoning was 1. It's tradition, and 2. it cuts through all manner of "honorifics" that could possibly be used. Like Pronouns for different genders under Identity Politics.

[Drew Espinosa]

5 minutes ago, BHopper2 said:

In my universe, it is. The reasoning was 1. It's tradition, and 2. it cuts through all manner of "honorifics" that could possibly be used. Like Pronouns for different genders under Identity Politics.

Thanks BH!  Now I need to get back to the "conversations" between Aeris and Shane...  

[Brayon]

Just now, Drew Espinosa said:

Thanks BH!  Now I need to get back to the "conversations" between Aeris and Shane...  

They have a nice conversation in chapter seven.

[Drew Espinosa]

1 minute ago, BHopper2 said:

They have a nice conversation in chapter seven.

I just read that.  I really like how you give us enough to establish how close they are (as colleagues and lovers) yet not so much as to be an information dump. 

[Brayon]

Working on the Next Installment for this story. I might Skip Interlude 4: Doctor Shane Thomas, and either hop straight into Act 3: War and Remembrance or what was planned as Interlude 5: Zirsi's Magical Primer.

 

It's scattered in several different threads, but I really hate Doctor Shane Thomas. Part of me feels, I need to finish this his Interlude, so you can see the depths of what he was involved in, while another part says, "Just make him two sentences in the First Part of Act 3." Your thoughts are welcomed on this.

[hoaluu]

I'd expected Interlude I to be Shane's story. I still don't know why he has influence on Aeris. There's a time when Aeris felt he should stay away from Shane, but when Shane came to talk, he gave in... This part makes me uncertain about Aeris's feeling. So an interlude about Shane is necessary, to make the story smoother and clearer.

And if Shane is going to be an important character, then you certainly should write it.

....

 

But as a Shane hater, I don't have any complaints if you decide to skip. If you can't stand him, you don't have to force yourself to write. Just sum it up, that's enough. Writing should make you happy and comfortable, not the opposite