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I love the first chapter ... a cliff hanger.. mad donkey's. It's wonderful.. but really.. rap???   What can't you do AC?  It was great!

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15 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

I love the first chapter ... a cliff hanger.. mad donkey's. It's wonderful.. but really.. rap???   What can't you do AC?  It was great!

Well, lol - I can do awful rap, like Napoleon Trueblood's, but it's the kind meant to make readers groan ;) 

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2 hours ago, AC Benus said:

Well, lol - I can do awful rap, like Napoleon Trueblood's, but it's the kind meant to make readers groan ;) 

oh it is very groan worthy which makes it perfect .. :D  

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AC either you showed me the pics with the stores before or you described them perfectly.

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So much of Los Angeles is boring at first glance. Great choice of location for Chapter 1! The church, Olvera Street, and Pico House all enrich the story. Just one thing: too much sun. I must mentally darken and fade the images of the Pico courtyard, transforming tourism-brochure sunlight into slightly spooky twilight. 

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Thoroughly enjoyed this chapter AC... brilliantly written. I'll be back for more!

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The guys lose track of each other, wander, and then bump into each other in the sex club in the cellar to Pico House. Looking beyond coincidence, I wonder if maybe both Kohl and Assauer seem like man-whores to two of the locals, who separately associated each of the guys with Carmina. The local woman sent Kohl directly there. (He did ask for it. :P) The local man might know the club well, and brought Assauer nearby for a blow job. Their clothes compare nicely to vulgar or ridiculous tourists. I figure it would have to be their demeanors. Maybe Kohl and Assauer have been hustling long enough to forget how they come off to strangers.

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On 1/4/2018 at 9:26 PM, knotme said:

So much of Los Angeles is boring at first glance. Great choice of location for Chapter 1! The church, Olvera Street, and Pico House all enrich the story. Just one thing: too much sun. I must mentally darken and fade the images of the Pico courtyard, transforming tourism-brochure sunlight into slightly spooky twilight. 

Thinking about it now reminds me how the program, Ghost Adventurers, did a segment at the Pico House, at twilight. Hmmm, yes, that set the courtyard in my mind as a shadowy, scary place to wander.  

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16 hours ago, MichaelS36 said:

Thoroughly enjoyed this chapter AC... brilliantly written. I'll be back for more!

Thank you, Mike! I sometimes wonder what I'd think reading this first chapter, not knowing any more of the story. I might think WTF...but hopefully I would feel drawn in and craving more information. 

 

Thanks again!

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1 hour ago, knotme said:

The guys lose track of each other, wander, and then bump into each other in the sex club in the cellar to Pico House. Looking beyond coincidence, I wonder if maybe both Kohl and Assauer seem like man-whores to two of the locals, who separately associated each of the guys with Carmina. The local woman sent Kohl directly there. (He did ask for it. :P) The local man might know the club well, and brought Assauer nearby for a blow job. Their clothes compare nicely to vulgar or ridiculous tourists. I figure it would have to be their demeanors. Maybe Kohl and Assauer have been hustling long enough to forget how they come off to strangers.

Hmmmmm, I wonder if anybody else speculated about this bumping into one another at the Carmina Club....

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On January 6, 2018 at 4:24 PM, knotme said:

The guys lose track of each other, wander, and then bump into each other in the sex club in the cellar to Pico House. Looking beyond coincidence, I wonder if maybe both Kohl and Assauer seem like man-whores to two of the locals, who separately associated each of the guys with Carmina. The local woman sent Kohl directly there. (He did ask for it. :P) The local man might know the club well, and brought Assauer nearby for a blow job. Their clothes compare nicely to vulgar or ridiculous tourists. I figure it would have to be their demeanors. Maybe Kohl and Assauer have been hustling long enough to forget how they come off to strangers.

 

It's both interesting and sinister, this coincidence. Perhaps Kohl and Assauer stand out, or maybe there is some other power at work. Certainly the last scene suggests that. I'd hate to think of losing our observer as a sacrifice of some kind so soon... 

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The photographs, particularly of the church and Olvera Street, reflect your writing AC, vivid, detailed, and colourful.:thankyou:

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I still don’t know what to make of this story. It’s so different from the fluffy romances I usually read here on GA. No teenage angst.  ;-)

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37 minutes ago, droughtquake said:

I still don’t know what to make of this story. It’s so different from the fluffy romances I usually read here on GA. No teenage angst.  ;-)

No, true. You'll meet Gordon tomorrow. He's the teenager of the story, but I suspect you'll soon see HE's the levelheaded one, lol. 

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1 hour ago, Dodger said:

The photographs, particularly of the church and Olvera Street, reflect your writing AC, vivid, detailed, and colourful.:thankyou:

Thanks, Dodger! This is very colorful corner of L.A., and I thought it was a great setting to launch the book. 

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I snickered at the word brunst. No need to look that one up. 

 

Is it used an in English context? I can't remember having seen it. 

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4 minutes ago, Puppilull said:

I snickered at the word brunst. No need to look that one up. 

 

Is it used an in English context? I can't remember having seen it. 

This is a double play on the expression "in a rut." The Brunst defines it as "that kind" of rut ;)

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