How much affection is fine in public?

[W_L]

Kind of feel embarrassed to ask this, but probably should:

 

How much affection do you guys think is appropriate in public?

 

So what happened: I just came back from a lunch date with BF at a food court. We try to do lunch every sunday now.

 

Anyway, we sat down and ate, then began sharing our foods, think lady and the tramp but with french fries/Chicken Tenders, and we got into some heavy french kissing.

 

One of the staff asked us to tone it down as there were families around, so we did, both feeling a bit embarrassed at how our playful passion should have been cut back a bit.

 

To be honest, I never had to cut back on my passion as I usually only explored it in private with prior lovers. My current boyfriend is the 1st person I am publicly displaying it.

 

So here's the question: Was what we did a bit too much for public affection? Would an heterosexual couple be treated differently if they had playfully re-enacted "Lady and the Tramp" spaghetti scene?

 

This is after all Pride Weekend in Boston so most people understand, it's part of the city's culture, so it's not like we're the only ones doing it in public, just not in a food court filled with tourists.

[Daddydavek]

Call me old fashioned but heavy french kissing in public is a bit too far whether the couple is of mixed or same sex, especially where food is being eaten.   Just my opinion.  A warm embrace or even a fairly passionate kiss without public display of tongue is OK as far as I am concerned, but once it crosses over into public display of shared tongue action it is too much.  

[Puppilull]

For me, if you leave playful and head into heavy, then it's too much. At least in a restaurant. In a park or similar, I'd be ok with more. And I think I would say the same regardless of couple composition. 

[TetRefine]

I think it depends on where you are in public. I agree that French kissing in a restaurant isn't appropriate for anyone, gay or straight. Maybe it's just a dumb social taboo but it's something I would never do myself. Now if you were at a place like Folsom Street Fair, it would not be considered at all out of the ordinary, and even somewhat encouraged, to screw somebody against the wall on a street while 50 people watch and video it on their phones. Location, location, location. 

[TetRefine]

6 hours ago, W_L said:

This is after all Pride Weekend in Boston so most people understand, it's part of the city's culture, so it's not like we're the only ones doing it in public, just not in a food court filled with tourists.

 

I think this makes a difference too. People who live in the cities where you see anything and everything on a daily basis may not care because they have just learned to ignore it. But in tourist heavy places with a bunch of conservative Billies and Sues from flyover country who might not be so used to "scary city things" might consider it more of an issue. 

[W_L]

11 minutes ago, TetRefine said:

I think it depends on where you are in public. I agree that French kissing in a restaurant isn't appropriate for anyone, gay or straight. Maybe it's just a dumb social taboo but it's something I would never do myself. Now if you were at a place like Folsom Street Fair, it would not be considered at all out of the ordinary, and even somewhat encouraged, to screw somebody against the wall on a street while 50 people watch and video it on their phones. Location, location, location. 

 

9 minutes ago, TetRefine said:

 

I think this makes a difference too. People who live in the cities where you see anything and everything on a daily basis may not care because they have just learned to ignore it. But in tourist heavy places with a bunch of conservative Billies and Sues from flyover country who might not be so used to "scary city things" might consider it more of an issue. 

 

Sometimes I think you and I are far more similar than we might initially appear.

 

I never express myself or my gayness like I have done with him, sometimes it's hard to know what is right and what is not anymore. Passion is something I never really developed with a partner, maybe dating a younger man is making me open to new experiences (and politically let's say he's far on the other side of the spectrum to me).

 

I wonder if P-town would be more accepting of such displays versus Boston's tourist destination, it should be equivalent of Folsom street

 

Have you ever been to P-Town, Matt?

[Arpeggio]

I think hand holding is about the most PDA I do. I'm pretty reserved. 

[TetRefine]

22 hours ago, W_L said:

 

 

Sometimes I think you and I are far more similar than we might initially appear.

 

I never express myself or my gayness like I have done with him, sometimes it's hard to know what is right and what is not anymore. Passion is something I never really developed with a partner, maybe dating a younger man is making me open to new experiences (and politically let's say he's far on the other side of the spectrum to me).

 

I wonder if P-town would be more accepting of such displays versus Boston's tourist destination, it should be equivalent of Folsom street

 

Have you ever been to P-Town, Matt?

 

I have been to both P-Town and Fire Island, but both times was with family and before I came out, so I didn’t get to enjoy the gayness of it all. It’s on my bucket list.

 

And I think in P-Town you wouldn’t have as much of an issue because it is literally one giant, gay vacation spot. 

Edited June 12, 2018 by TetRefine

[W_L]

9 hours ago, TetRefine said:

 

I have been to both P-Town and Fire Island, but both times was with family and before I came out, so I didn’t get to enjoy the gayness of it all. It’s on my bucket list.

 

And I think I’m P-Town you wouldn’t have as much of an issue because it is literally one giant, gay vacation spot. 

 

Well, I think I am at that point in a relationship where day trip planning probably should be considered.

 

Other than that, maybe it would be easier to express our affections at a LGBT coffeehouse? Or, would you guys think it falls into the same category as too public?

 

Also, it sounds like most members are less inclined to be public with their lover, which I understand and would likely agree with in the past.

 

My problem is that sometimes I think we get lost in each other's passion, it's hard to explain what I am talking about, it's a feeling and state of mind, like we're the only people in the world and we want to enjoy each other. Since I am partly blind and he's partly deaf, we're kind of the perfect complement to each other, when we are together, if that makes any sense. I don't know what gets over me, or if this is love? Even though I feel shame about what happened, part of me doesn't want to apologizee and want to be selfish about what we were expressing with each other.

 

Sorry for the rambling...I was hoping maybe some of you guys or ladies would understand this crazy messed up feeling that overrides my common sense and logic, maybe even helping me to figure out how we can be open and still respect social norms

Edited June 11, 2018 by W_L

[Brayon]

9 minutes ago, W_L said:

Well, I think I am at that point in a relationship where day trip planning probably should be considered. 

Might I recommend the Gay Mecca... Key West, FL, for a longer stay.

[TetRefine]

20 minutes ago, W_L said:

 

Well, I think I am at that point in a relationship where day trip planning probably should be considered.

 

Other than that, maybe it would be easier to express our affections at a LGBT coffeehouse? Or, would you guys think it falls into the same category as too public?

 

Also, it sounds like most members are less inclined to be public with their lover, which I understand and would likely agree with in the past.

 

My problem is that sometimes I think we get lost in each other's passion, it's hard to explain what I am talking about, it's a feeling and state of mind, like we're the only people in the world and we want to enjoy each other. Since I am partly blind and he's partly deaf, we're kind of the perfect complement to each other, when we are together, if that makes any sense. I don't know what gets over me, or if this is love? Even though I feel shame about what happened, part of me doesn't want to apologizee and want to be selfish about what we were expressing with each other.

  

Sorry for the rambling...I was hoping maybe some of you guys or ladies would understand this crazy messed up feeling that overrides my common sense and logic, maybe even helping me to figure out how we can be open and still respect social norms

 

I recommend you take a gaycation at one point. Whether it be for the day or the week, or the month. 

 

Some great gay meccas to go to are: P-Town, Fire Island, Asbury Park, Rehoboth Beach (it's called ReHomo for a reason, lol), Wilton Manors (very chill, older crowd close to Ft. Lauderdale, I had a lot of fun in this little gay enclave), Key West like BHopper mentioned, Palm Springs, Miami, NYC, LA, or any other big city. Atlantis Cruises are all-gay cruises that sail on the biggest cruise ships in the world with over 5,000 gay men aboard. I'm sure there's plenty of other options I'm just not thinking of at the moment. It all depends on what you like to do too. I personally am a partier so I like to take my little gaycations around clubs and circuit parties, but that is definitely not everyone's cup of tea, and I have a feeling that isn't what you are looking for. P-Town is a great little spot that has a little something for everyone where two dudes being gay is something that happens every day there, and especially during the summer months. Take a day trip or a weekend getaway just to enjoy the fact that you are surrounded by your own people for once where you don't have to monitor your every move to fit hetero standards.

[Ron]

1 hour ago, W_L said:

Other than that, maybe it would be easier to express our affections at a LGBT coffeehouse? Or, would you guys think it falls into the same category as too public?

 

Also, it sounds like most members are less inclined to be public with their lover, which I understand and would likely agree with in the past.

Mashing faces together and cementing the bond with tongues is too public for anywhere outside of the inside of one’s private space.

 

Public as you call it has nothing to do with swapping spit on the street but everything to do with small displays of affection when the mood strikes. No one in their right mind—bigots excepted—would make a concerted fuss over a show of genuine affection between two gay men in a public setting, French kissing exceeds that respect.

[W_L]

1 hour ago, Ron said:

Mashing faces together and cementing the bond with tongues is too public for anywhere outside of the inside of one’s private space.

 

Public as you call it has nothing to do with swapping spit on the street but everything to do with small displays of affection when the mood strikes. No one in their right mind—bigots excepted—would make a concerted fuss over a show of genuine affection between two gay men in a public setting, French kissing exceeds that respect.

 

I understand and I'd rather we take it to a privacy of our homes, but sadly, it's not possible in my case.

 

Part of our problem, he doesn't drive due to his disability, relying on rides from his protective parents, and I can't either, relying on public transit and Uber. Mobility limitation makes our relationship difficult, we face a problem most gay couples don't have to face as we're both disabled. However, because of that we understand each other far more and I think it contributes to the level of passion we share.

 

My prior lovers were more amenable and did not have mobility issues.

 

So when I go on dates, I have to pre-plan almost everything for us both to meet. It's more effort, but it's worth it for us both. A Day trip maybe our best chance, but I know we both have limitations and he has transportation limits.

 

 

Edited June 12, 2018 by W_L

[Aceinthehole]

For me the farthest I'm comfortable with is a quick kiss. Hand holding, cuddling, anything simple like that is fine too. Deep kisses, or being right in front of one another face and whispering makes me a tad bit uncomfortable. 

 

However, it's awesome you're clearly having fun with your BF! 

[Ashi]

XXXX balloons in public is out of the question.  I am very reserved.  😛

 

Serious though, I don't think I'd even hold hands with my BF if I ever have one, though I'd probably ask him if he wants to, just to see how much he cares about me....  (I know..., I know..., don't judge me).

 

I rarely see guys kissing each other in public, and given I am gay myself, it's fairly ironic I actually do get shocked when I see it....  I do believe whatever is allowed for hetero couples should be allowed for gay couples, but I am reserved, so I don't even like to see straight couples kissing in public, but everyone should have the right to love their partners.

 

Though you'd probably see me fuming if I ever sit in the table next to yours when the waiter asked you guys to tone it down, because I think that was badly handled.

Edited June 19, 2018 by Ashi

[Page Scrawler]

A quick kiss on the cheek or lips would be fine, but I think making out in public, whether the couple is gay or straight, is just in bad taste. Especially in a location where food is being served and eaten. It would be no better than sticking your tongue out and showing off a mess of chewed-up food. With respect to you and your man, @W_L, I think you should've toned it down. Although, the server could have been more subtle in the way he/she approached you.

[Puppilull]

 

A bit late, but saw this and thought of this thread. 

 

It's an image with the caption: Public displays of affection, a short guide.

 

Yes: illustrated by a picture of two budgies, delicately touching beaks.

 

No: illustrated by the image of a bird feeding another bird by stuffing its entire head down the others throat.

[Mikiesboy]

2 hours ago, Puppilull said:

Yes: illustrated by a picture of two budgies, delicately touching beaks.

 

No: illustrated by the image of a bird feeding another bird by stuffing its entire head down the others throat.

Perfect! Works for me. LOL

[Dabeagle]

I don't understand why others get so offended by a couple kissing, even if deeply. It's not for me, but if they have clothes on and aren't groping then what's the harm? I mean, really?

[Page Scrawler]

1 hour ago, Dabeagle said:

I don't understand why others get so offended by a couple kissing, even if deeply. It's not for me, but if they have clothes on and aren't groping then what's the harm? I mean, really?

It has to do with the context of the setting. Tongue-kissing is a little more sensual than most people consider appropriate for a public place. It would be like showing an R-rated movie to a toddler, methinks.

[Dabeagle]

42 minutes ago, Page Scrawler said:

It has to do with the context of the setting. Tongue-kissing is a little more sensual than most people consider appropriate for a public place. It would be like showing an R-rated movie to a toddler, methinks.

The problem is there is no real consensus. One person thinks a good make out can happen anywhere whilst others do not. Some think breast feeding in public is just as reasonable and some think it's akin to porn. My philosophy is that it isn't hurting anyone. And besides, if a kid saw it and wondered about putting ones tongue in another's mouth, how much of a hypocrite will we be that day and say 'we don't do that!' I know, I know, time and place - but who gets to decide that? And who is given the authority to go tell someone 'Hey, you can't kiss like that here!' No, no thank you.

[MichaelS36]

6 hours ago, Dabeagle said:

I don't understand why others get so offended by a couple kissing, even if deeply. It's not for me, but if they have clothes on and aren't groping then what's the harm? I mean, really?

There is none. If it's heavy I just look away. As a cop, I may have looked a little longer, just to satisfy myself they were both okay, with what was happening. 

[AusGlitterati]

I like to hold hands, cuddle and even exchange a passionate smooch, but I think I prefer when everyone keeps their tongues to themselves.  Not that I'd try to shame someone who swapped a bit of saliva, but it does make my tummy squirm.

[Dodger]

Canada is a very liberal country known for promoting LGBT rights. Gay marriage has been around for a long time and you're reasonably safe wherever you go. However, there are plenty of places where public displays of affection between two guys still attract an audience, and I happen to live in one of them. A small, sleepy, and very conservative, town not that far from Toronto but miles apart in some ways.

 

I know it's easy to get carried away, but not that easy. Common sense should prevail. Most people know their boundaries and they are usually defined by our environment. In a restaurant or a place where there are young children then some things are inappropriate, crossing this line attracts the wrong kind of attention. This goes for straight couples too. I believe in equality and the same rules should apply to everyone. They don't need to be written down though. Everyone should be able to work it out for themselves depending on where they are, why they are there, and the time of day.     

Edited August 24, 2018 by Dodger

[LJCC]

You guys should watch what would you do. There were some interesting feedback and public responses from passersby--mixed even. There was even a woman who called the cops regarding the gay couple who was canoodling on the bench.

 

I mean it's disgusting how any form of affection should meet anyone's standards. But I guess, you can't please everybody. It's a cultural thing. Some countries are more conservative and some are more passive, while others don't care. 

 

But I do remember when I was dating this guy and after dinner, he walked me to my apartment and was expecting a kiss. I kinda said to myself, "Hmm...Why not. He looks like Jim Morrison without the drug abuse." Until I realized he was licking my face, after which I made an excuse that I have an early non-existent meeting the following morning.

 

The only judicious stares I got was from my neighbour who commented, "God, that guy must think your face is a furball." And to my defense, I was sporting a 3-week beard but I wasn't expecting to have a tongue-facial that evening. And by the way, that was the only time my neighbour ever spoke to me before he left the unit. It was surprising cause I thought he was one of those prude christians selling you bible and a box of baby Jesus. But...he was alright.