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888 I Make This Look Easy


About Remijay

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  1. Remijay

    Chapter 13

    Yes they are mix ups. His name is Josh.
  2. Remijay

    Chapter 13

    Part Z is going to be the last chapter. i have prolonged the end of this story for so long that it needs to be finished. Im glad you like the chapter
  3. Remijay

    Chapter 13

    Chapter 13 X Here it is six thirty in the morning. My alarm clock, just woke me up. I haven’t been up this early in a couple of months, to be honest. As soon as I opened my eyes, my heart rate went up, today is the day that I start at a new school. Today everything changes. ‘Knock… Knock’ That must be my brother. “Come in…” I sigh “Oh good, you’re awake.” He smiles. God, I hate morning people. “Yea, I guess.” I chuckle. I’m up in more than one way, if you know what I mean. “I can see that…” He laughs. As I rush to cover myself with my hands. “Don’t be embarrassed it happens to all us guys. I usually take care of it in the shower.” He blushes, as he admits it. “That’s good to know. Now can I get dressed? Or are you going to stare?” I laugh at him “Um, yea. Sorry! I’ll be downstairs.” He backs out my room I shoved my head into my pillow and laughed. Josh is something else. I know that he is gay and I’m his brother. Maybe he’s curious if we’re the same with everything? Shaking my head I get up. Go the bathroom, and look in the mirror… What I saw was a scared little boy. I don’t see what everyone else does. My twin brother has more going on than I. No wonder he has a hot number of a boyfriend. Speaking of which, I miss mine. Maybe I should call him? Possibly… After the shower and cleaning myself for my first day, I go downstairs and sit at the island. My brother is playing on his phone and my mother is sitting there reading the morning paper. Is it that easy? Can it be that simple, so mundane? “When do we leave?” I ask, because my heart seemed to clench and tighten up “Um, in about ten minutes Devon. Drink some coffee, or eat something.” Josh says, as he scrolls on his phone. “Alright.” With a shrug of my shoulders, I reach for the cups and the coffee. This will be interesting… About ten minutes later, Josh and I are heading for the car. I feel jittery and awake. Go figure coffee would do the trick. “How do you feel this morning, Devon?” Josh asks as he backs up the car. “Honestly, I don’t know. I feel weird.” I say towards him as he drives “I have to pick up Jeff. Is that okay?” He asks “I like Jeff. Why wouldn’t it be?” I laugh “I figured I would ask. I don’t want to put you in a situation that would ultimately hurt you.” “Thank you Josh.” “No probs bro.” He smiles We turn into a beautiful driveway, lined with little bushes. It’s really cute and adorable. This must be Jeff’s house. “This is a beautiful property. I like it.” “Yea, I was amazed the first time I came over here. Jeff’s parents are realtors.” “That explains a lot about the house and the property. Just look at it.” We both laugh “What has you two so chirper this morning?” Jeff asks as he climbs into the car. “Just admiring your house dude. It’s beautiful.” I say “Hi babe. How are you?” Josh asks Jeff “I’m alright. Hate the mornings still.” He yawns “You’re cute.” Josh says, he makes Jeff blush “Alright you two, stop right there before it gets out of control.” I smirk “Did you… Did you just say what I think you did?” Josh asks, acting all shocked “What did I say?” I look at him with confusion “You showed dominance.” He smiled “I did not…” I bowed my head. “I don’t even know if I could…” I confessed “It will take some time before you know what you are, Devon. Not everyone can be sure of themselves like Josh.” Jeff laughs at Josh’s expression. “And what is that supposed to be mean mister?” He fakes hurt “Nothing babe. You can be a little aggressive sometimes. IT’s not a bad thing.” Jeff hurries and says… And with that came the end of the conversation, we pulled into what I would think will be my high school for the next two years. It’s a massive place. A lot of windows, the windows glinted with the sun. The colors of course are, cardinal red and navy blue. Like the university. It’s kind of cute… As for the rest of the building, it looked a lot like any other school. “What do you think so far Devon?” “It’s structure. And I like the school colors.” I said “The people here are like any other school. Jocks, smarties, lowlifes, Goths, preps, etc. You get the picture. Anyway, you don’t have to fit into any one group Devon. Be yourself, people will come to you eventually.” Josh says as he parks the car and goes to get out. “Don’t leave me Josh.” I ask in a pleading voice “I would never leave you Devon.” He says as he looks back at me. As we walked into the building all eyes were on us. Like I’m not already nervous enough, add being watched to that and my anxiety spiked hard. It’s like I couldn’t breath. My chest instantly hurt. I looked down at the ground, as my brother threw his arm over my shoulder. The initial contact made me jump but I calmed down once Josh said it was only him. Let today be easy, let today go by fast. “Hello Mrs. Hollow. My brother is new here and he’s very nervous. Along with some other issues that my mother might have told you. Anyway, we would like to see the principal please.” My brother says and asks. “Sure, I’ll ring her to let her know. Have a sit boys.” She says and then looks at Jeff, As for you Mister Ridge you need to get to class, the tardy bell is about to ring.” “Alright I’m going no need to get me in trouble. Bye Josh I’ll see you in third.” He says as he walks out the office. “He must really like you, Josh.” I say to him “He doesn’t just like me Devon, he proposed to me a few weeks ago. Before…” He stops talking. “Before I came into the picture.” I say “It’s not like that Devon, mom and I want you to be happy. We are trying our hardest to make sure you are okay. And that you don’t have to worry about anything.” He goes to say. “I just don’t want to be a burden.” I say in a whisper “Boys the principal will see you now.” Before he could reply, we got up and walked into the principal’s office. The walls were like you’d expect, beige. There is some artwork though, some degrees, and some homemade artwork as well. Maybe by some of the kids that go here or maybe she has kids of her own. Looking more into the room, I see that it’s a very nice office. A shiny medium desk that is pretty much taking over the whole room. Little plants here and there, books behind her sitting neatly tucked into the mini bookcase. “Please take a seat, I’ll be with you two in a minute.” She says The principal, sat there typing fast on her laptop. She has medium light brown length hair, a clear complexion, piercing hazel eyes, and a smirk on her face. Maybe she’s different from my other school. Maybe just maybe I’ll like it here. “Sorry about that gentleman, I had to finish that and send it over to the board. You know how it goes.” She lightly laughs “That’s alright Mrs. Curry. This is my brother Devon Cooper.” Josh politely says “Ah yes, glad you could join us Devon. I’m sorry that it had to be so late in the year. But it’s never too late to begin anew…” She pauses, brings something up on her laptop and purses her lips. “As I can see from here, you have never missed school, you have impeccable grades, and lets see. Nope never mind about that…” She pauses again. “Never mind about what?” Josh says impatiently “Oh, Devon has never really tried sports. But that’s okay, not everyone is cut out for sports.” She says, “Now you’re mother did ask me for a favor. And normally I don’t do this but maybe just this once I can make an exception to the rule…” She pauses once more. She clicks a few times and the printer starts up. “Here is your schedule Devon. You will be in all of Josh’s classes for the remaining of the year. I do hope that you will like being here Devon..” She pauses, “If you ever need to talk to just come visit me. My door is always open.” “Thank you Mrs. Curry. You have a nice day.” Josh goes to say “Oh don’t forget this,” She hands Josh a lock and combo, with a number attached. “Thank you again.” Josh says as he grabs my hand and yanks me from the room “Why didn’t you say anything? She’s like the nicest principal we have here. The other two are like fort knox or something.” He laughs at his own joke. “I don’t get it. But okay.” I say with a smirk “It’s whatever. Anyway, our first stop is the locker and then to class. Mrs. Curry has already given us hall passes.” He says “Sweet!” “Why is it sweet? I get them all time..” He laughs again “Are you a trouble maker?” I ask “I wouldn’t go that far. But yea sort of…” He laughs louder this time “Quiet down.” I look around us “Paranoid or something brother?” He cackles at that “Something like that. Look I just want my first day to be a good one.” “Alright, I get it. I won’t cause trouble.” He holds his hands up in mock surrender. “Okay..” I say while shaking my head **** The first few classes weren’t bad. Honest! The other students were kind of nice, except this one jock. Eye roll on that. What jock didn’t have something to not like about me. Anyway, the teachers told me if ever need something just ask. Everyone here keeps saying that. Is it like something with just this school or is all the schools in Arizona like this? My last school could care less if anything was wrong. They didn’t care if there were fighting going on. As long as it didn’t bother them. Shrugging i get into the lunch line and pay for my food. Looking around the lunchroom, you tell the same setup is everywhere. Meaning, the groups or cliché if you will. Sighing I walk over to my brother, and look at his friends. They all have this apprehensive expression, like they don’t want to scare me or something. “Josh what did you tell them about me?” I ask timidly “Nothing I swear.” He looks around the table. “Don’t mind them, they all have the look. Its something they do.” He says, yea something they do. Sure Josh “Whatever.” I put down my tray and look around the table. “Hey…” Comes a voice on the other side of my brother. “Names Nathan.” He says. He does have a sexy smile. And a very cute face. “Hey.” I spoke barely above a whisper. “This is my best friend Nathan. He likes to talk a lot and he doesn’t know when not to say something. So if he ever says something you don’t like or he offends you let me know. I’ll take care of him. Along with the rest of these trouble makers.” He laughs as everyone around us, throws stuff at him… “Alright… alright. I get it!” He laughs harder “I think they like you Josh. You’re pretty cool.” I smile at him. “Eh, I don’t try to be. I am just likable.” “That’s apparent.” I tease Part Y As of today my brother started my school. As far as I know, he’s been doing fine. I chatted with him a few times and it seems that he might just end up liking it here. Now that might change once he gets his bearings. I have also chatted with a couple of my friends and teachers and asked how he has been holding up. They all say good things. So I’m hopeful. “Hey why don’t we get some ice cream after school?” I ask Devon. “Yeah, sure. That sounds good.” He says he eyes my friend Nathan. I smile at him, he might have a crush on him. Nathan does have a nice body I’ve seen it so many times that I ignore it now. He’s also soft on the eyes if you know what I mean. “So what class you have next?” I ask “I have a free period actually. I’m thinking of going to the library and chillin there for a bit. It’s the last class of the day. I’ll meet you out by the bike rack, after school, cool?” He asks “Yea, that sounds good. You have your cell right.” I look at him, he nods his head yes. We give each other a bro hug and I sort of run to my last class before the late bell. I seriously don’t want a detention today. The day has been good so far. Nothing has really happened, which I’m thankful for. Devon doesn’t need any more negativity than he has already gotten. Devon still needs to decide if he wants to go to a therapist, he also needs to have a talk with Mom about things. And well I guess that’s it for now. I laugh as I shake my head. “Good to see you Josh. Please come in, take a seat wherever you’d like.” Clearly my teacher is being kind of a dick at the moment. “I’m sorry. I was helping my brother with his schedule. He’s new here… Today is his first day. I’m sorry.” I said towards him “Well let this be a reminder, you only have one warning before you get a detention.” He looks from me to the others, “That warning is being applied to the whole class.” He says, “Now as I was saying…” I tune him out after that. I didn’t care if he didn’t like that I was late for class. My brother comes before school, or even my friends. I want him to feel appreciated and loved. At least when it comes to me. “Hey, how’s your bro doing? He good?” I asked one of my friends Chris. “Yeah, he’s good. He actually might end up liking it here.” Chris gives a weird look, “I know right. But from what I have gathered, Devon actually likes school. He did really well at his other school. So maybe things will get better for him.” “That’s cool. Maybe he can tutor me sometimes. Because we all know I need all the help I can get…” We laugh quietly to ourselves.
  4. Almost missed it! I pulled my head out of the sand and just in time to wish you a Very Happy Birthday. I hope it was a good one, all that you wanted. May all your days that follow be as good or even better.


    Best wishes,


  5. Happy Birthday!

  6. Remijay

    That Summer's Day

    Omg omg omg!!! I loved this chapter the most out of all of them, this is my favorite. I love how they have 3 kids now and they act just like Ryder. Hah poor Teddy. OLI 21, that's amazing. I hope Oli and Mark are still together. Awaiting the next book. With love Remijay ❤
  7. WHy do i keep switching up the character names? LOL :O)

    1. Headstall


      You're not alone in that. :) 

  8. Remijay

    Chapter 12

    Thanks @Benji I'm trying to to get everything in order for the closing of this book. I'm glad you liked this chapter...
  9. Remijay

    Chapter 12

    You'll have to wait and see about the Nathan thing 😏 All stories have an ending. Whether it be good or bad 🙃
  10. Remijay

    Chapter 12

    Chapter 12 V Over the past few weeks I have been watching my brother and mother. I want to see what they do. And how they react to certain situations. Not that I’m trying to get away with anything, I’m still not comfortable enough to ask my mother for anything. Things just seem to magically appear when they are low. She hasn’t once asked me about Trent. Thankfully.. Speaking of him, I wonder why he hasn’t called me? Or at least even texted. Tammy and I do all the time. She’s my life line. My person! I do miss him terribly though. I hope he’s alright. On to other news, my mother did say that I will be starting school Monday. it’s in two fucking days… I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything, because I’m always wondering what this school will be like? Is it going to be different than my last? Will I make decent friends here? All these things are filling my head, and I just hope I can find some friends. “Hey Devon. My friends are coming over. Are you okay with that?” Asks Jeff “Why wouldn’t it be? This is your house.” I say as I look back at the TV. “Because… I don’t know honestly. Out of respect?” He says “Thanks for asking, but I’ll be fine.” I say back “Alright cool. They should be here in like ten minutes.” He says as he comes into the living and plops down next to me. Making me smirk. “What’s that look for?” He asks “What look? I wasn’t making no look…” I go to say, but I smile and then end up laughing. It’s good to have a brother that you live with. Granted it probably won’t be like this forever. We will probably end up arguing or screaming at each other sooner or later. “Nothing. It’s nice to have a brother. To chill with.” I say in hurry. Feeling embarrassed for bringing it up. The one thing… The one thing my father instilled in me is to not have emotion. He literally broke me of it. The hard way of course. So for me to actually show emotion like I have been, is something new. A knock came from the front door, and I went to get up…But my brother pushes me back down. I wasn’t going to answer it, I was going to run away to my room. The thought of people that I don’t know, coming here. It scares me… “Hey, guys come in!” My brother says all excited. Before they could get into the living room, I bolted up to my room. My body reacted on its own. When I closed the door behind me, my heart pounded in my chest, my whole body shook, and my anxiety seemed to sky rocket. Why couldn’t he have told me sooner that they were coming over? I wouldn’t have reacted so badly. I probably would have withdrawn into myself, and stayed quiet. But, now… now I’m hiding in my bedroom. Afraid to let anyone come in… A soft knock came from the door, but I walked backwards, slightly away from it. **A short commercial break** Pause for dramatic effect. And were back, W “Devon?” I spoke. Here I am standing in front of his bedroom door. Hoping he will at least open it a little. But as the minutes seem to slip away, I become worried. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. I mean it’s been weeks since he got here, and he hasn’t once asked about my friends, or school. I know that he is still adjusting to what happened to him, and he doesn’t exactly know how to ask for things. I think it’s time that we set up an appointment with the psychiatrist. Maybe he/she will be able to help him. “Alright, I guess I’ll leave you alone.” I said, saddened that I couldn’t at least reason with him. But he has own reasons for doing things. I can only try to help. Walking back down the stairs, my friends are all in the kitchen, sitting around the island looking at me, with their heads to the side. Having the what’s wrong, worried faces. “So anyone up for a swim?” I ask, hoping to get the guys’ minds off my brother. “Yea!” They all exclaim “Where’s your brother dude?” Nathan asks “He’s not coming down from his room.” I sigh, “Oh, I guess that’s cool. Whatever, bro!” He shrugs his shoulders, as he leads the group to the backyard. “Yea, I guess.” I look at towards the stairs one last time, before I go join my friends by the pool. When I step out of my lounging pants, I look around all my friends. They are all in similar state. We’re all guys here, we can swim in our undies. “Hey guys?” I ask, “When you talk to my brother on Monday don’t be mad or upset that he doesn’t talk back. He’s had it pretty rough. Like severely rough before he came here. It’s tough right now even to get him to interact with other’s. It’s going to be a while before he can join in socially.” I say with a heavy heart. “It’s all good dude. After all the years of listening to you, complain and whine about how you don’t have your brother with you. We get it. You’re protective. Not worries… right fellas?” Nathan says “Yea, no probs.” They say “Good lets have fun!” I say smiling. But as I’m about to get in the pool, I look at my brothers window, and I see him looking out at us, all having fun. I wish that he could have at least met my friends. He will eventually though, school starts in two days.
  11. Remijay

    Chapter 15

    Chapter 15 In other news Blinking my eyes open I look around… I can’t see anything. Everything is blurred and distorted. Like looking through a screen. I try to move my arms and legs, but their restrained. I try to scream out but my mouth is taped shut. At least I hope. Why does my body hurt? Did I drink that much?? Shaking my head, I try to remember what I did. But it’s fuzzy. I try to think. But the headache is too much. The more I fought against what’s restraining me, the more the pressure hurt. Slumping against an ice cold surface I shudder. Maybe this is karma, maybe I have done something so bad that this is the punishment for it. “Oh look boys he’s awake!” A guy gleefully says, too chipper in my opinion, but I couldn’t voice it… So I did what any kidnapped person would do, I screamed against the tape in hopes that they would at least take the mask off. “Oh I think he wants to be released…” They cackle. Assholes! I know wishful thinking… Everything starts to go dark, the edges of my vision started to blurr and mix. Blinking open my eyes, I look around myself. I’m in a bed. Not restrained, and theres no mask on me… What a fucked up dream! But where am I? Those drugs did a number on me… “Hey you’re awake…” Jason says. Freaking out, I hurry and grab the blanket. Wrapping it more around myself. “Are you okay, Aiden?” He asks, why is he asking? “How did I get here?” I ask “Don’t you remember?” Jason asks, well if I knew that I wouldn’t be asking now would I? But I couldn’t say that to him. Sighing, I look around, I remember being doped up on something. Not quite sure what it was. But man, did it do a number. “Jason, I remember. Did we do anything lastnight?” I timidly asked him. “Well, we did kind of fool around lastnight. But we didn’t go all the way…” He hurries that last part. I look down and shake my head. Man, I need to stop doing that. “I came up here to wake you. Breakfast is ready and my mother wants to meet you properly.” He smiles. “I don’t have anything to wear Jason. All my clothes are dirty from yesterday.” “You can go in your briefs.” He chuckles “You just want to see me naked…” I blush “Maybe!” His smile broadens “Perv!” I go to throw a pillow at him, but he dodges it. Jason picks it back up and chucks it at me. I duck down into the bed. We laugh for a minute. “Seriously, though. What am I supposed to wear.” I ask “I may have something that could fit you.” He says, as he goes to the far left of his room. Swings open his closet. And man, let me tell you. I could fit my whole room, plus the bathroom in there. After a little bit, he comes back out with a pair of white boarding shorts, and a soft looking v-neck t-shirt. They complement each other. I like them at least. Instead of handing them to me, he places them on his desk, and goes to his dresser. He pulls out a pair of sexy looking undies and tosses them on top of the clothes. “Are you trying to make me look like Abercrombie and Fitch model?” I laugh “Well you do have the body to be one.” He blushes. “Thanks Jason.” I blush. I go to lift the covers, and I’m naked. What the fuck happened to my underwear? “Uh, Jason. What happened to my underwear?” I blush more. My face is probably scarlet red by now. “You look too adorable when you blush, Aiden.” He laughs as he walks over to me. Places a kiss on my cheek, and yanks the blankets back. I’m shocked that he would do such a thing. I go to cover myself but he grabs my hand. He looks down and then back up at me. “You’re definitely a perv… And I can’t Jason. I just can’t.” I look down, willing myself not to cry. I truly feel pathetic. “Don’t!” He lifts my head back up and kisses me on the lips. Once our lips disconnect, I open my eyes and look into his. They are the perfect shade of blue and green. So beautiful. “Jason, can you move? So I can get dressed?” I laugh “Oh, yea… sorry!” He backs away “Don’t even think about it, mister?” I say as I get out of bed. “Think about what Aiden? I wasn’t going to do anything…” He sneaks up behind me and smacks me on the ass. I yipped out loud. “OH you didn’t just do that, Jason?” I stare at him, with a lopsided grin. He holds his hands up in front of him, like it wasn’t him. Shaking my head, I turn back to the desk. “You’re so lucky that you’re cute Jason.” “You have a nice ass Aiden. Like damn!” He says. I hear him shuffling towards me but I ignore him. I reach for the underwear, and I feel him. Ghost his hands over my sides. It gives me goose bumps. He wraps his arms around my midsection and he lightly runs his hands up my chest. I lean back into him as he kisses my neck lightly. Biting my lip, I let out a small moan. “No… Stop…” Huffing. “Jason, I can’t. I’m not ready.” He doesn’t take his hands away from my body but he stops the kissing. He whispers in my ear, “I know you’re not ready Aiden. But you do have a very nice body. I just couldn’t help myself.” And then he backs away from me. “It’s not that I don’t want it Jason, because clearly I do.” I pointed down to my dick that is rock hard. “But because of those assholes, I have some issues. I have insecurities now.” I sigh, “I have wanted to do things with you for so long. That now, when we are finally together. Something like this has to happen.” “I understand. I may have went too far.” He bites lip as he does the once over. Shaking his head, he sighs. And turns his head. I grab the underwear, and put them on. I adjust my cock, and look at him with sad eyes. I know how he feels. I know the feeling of desire, the passion to be with someone. I go to grab the boarding shorts, but I stop. I look towards Jason one last time, and think about what I’m about to do… maybe it won’t be so bad if I do it to him. I mean he’s already half naked, and he’s probably hard as a rock right now. I didn’t see any underwear on him. So, why not. Just a quick blowjob, and we can go have breakfast. ******** You’d think that a straight acting guy would be less animated when it came to another guy giving that person head. But, Jason however isn’t. He was really into it. Grabbing my shoulders, moaning, huffing and puffing. Damn, it was really hot. At one point, I took him all the way down into my throat and he literally face fucked me! Heh, anyway, lets get back to the story… After the blowjob, we went down and had breakfast with his mother. She’s a nice woman, honestly. She didn’t pry that much, only simple questions. Any mother would have asked. How do you know Jason, what grade are you in, have you ever been with anyone else, have you always been gay? Those sort of questions. They weren’t the easiest to get through, but the awkwardness of it seemed to go away once we changed the subject onto something less personal. Like Jason and his softball coming up soon. Just imagining him in his tight little uniform, and his pert ass. Had me reaching below the table to adjust myself. What can I say, I’m 16 years old. My hormones are at an all time high. I could fuck a tree and it would be nice. Shaking my head, I concentrate on the conversation. “Yea Coach says, I should be pitcher this year. But I would rather be anything butt.” He smiles; I cough to cover the laugh that consumed me… “Something funny dear?” His mother asks me. I go to shake my head, but Jason looks at me with a knowing smile. Blushing, I bow my head, and hope I can make through this. “He’s fine mom.” He laughs “Shut it, Jason. You said it!” I laugh “I don’t even want to know.” His mother says, shaking her head, she picks up her coffee cup and drinks from it. “I think I’m going to take Aiden home soon. His parents must be worried.” Jason tells his mother. “That’s fine. Just be home before dinner. Your father should be home tonight.” “That’s great!” Jason says all sarcastic “Don’t be like that.” She sternly says, while looking him down. “I’m sorry.” He finally admits “That’s more like it, mister. Go on. The staff will clean this up…” She waves her hand and we’re off. Once we got into Jasons car we laughed so far. I don’t think I have ever laughed this hard ever. It felt nice. “You’re mother is something else, Jason.” I chuckled “She’s taking this surprisingly well…” He smiled as he started the car. “I honestly don’t want to go home. My family isn’t as accepting as yours. I’m pretty sure my father is cheating. My brother looks at me weird now. My mother doesn’t say anything to me, ever since that night. As for my little sister, doesn’t know what is going on.” “I understand babe. It will get better. First, no more drugs, deal?” I nod my head. “No I want words Aiden, no more drugs.” Jason says “Yes, me master. No more drugs.” I laugh at that, but one look at Jason told me he didn’t find it funny. “I’m sorry. Yes babe no more drugs.” “That’s what I thought.”
  12. Remijay

    Brother to Brother

    OMG! Tears!!! I loved this chapter more than all the others. You sir are not cool. Hmmph! Anyway, i love how the emotion pay off each other, and how even after all the embarrassment Oliver and Ryder are cool. Oliver and Teddy spoke to each other like brothers. Even though now Ryder might be killed... LOL i found hilarious. Amazing chapter... Keep'em coming <3 HUgs
  13. Remijay

    Chapter 11

    Chapter 11 T After my mother told me about what happened with my father. I kind of get it, you know. My father wasn’t the nicest dad by any means of the imagination. Even back then. When my mother wanted to take us, he wouldn’t allow it. I’m glad that my brother got taken out of the situation. I wouldn’t know how to handle it if it were any other way. Now, I’m not saying that I totally forgive her. That will take some time. And maybe some therapy, like my brother suggested. But in due time I can see myself liking my mother. Possibly even loving her. My mother also told me that I would be starting school soon. How soon, possibly next week. At least I’ll have my brother and his boyfriend with me. Almost like last time, two people whom you care about. Anyway, I don’t know how I feel about it. It’s like I don’t want to set myself up to fail. You know. I want this time to go differently, I want friends, the kind of friends that you can hang out with at any time, doing whatever. That’s probably wishful thinking on my part though, I know how screwed up my brain is, and I know that I wont be able to have any of those kinds of friends until I can recover from my fathers abuse and stop being trapped inside my head. Who am I kidding? I won’t be able to escape what my dad did. In a weird and bizarre way I understand why he did it. I understand how he beat me because he couldn’t get what he wanted. And I always screwed up somehow, in some way. I’m not perfect. I am a no body after all. ‘That’s right keeping thinking that, you fuck. I made you, and I created what you are today. You will not be able to escape me. I will live forever inside your head!’ Shaking my head, I look around myself. I’m cowering in my bed, in the corner. Trying my hardest not burst out into tears. Even when I’m two states away, he’s still here. Inside my head, abusing me. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. A small whimper escaped my throat as I tried to control my emotions. I’m truly pathetic. A fucked up teen with daddy and mommy issues. Who would want to take on that as a partner? I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life…. A knocking came from my door, I go to clear my throat but I couldn’t say anything nothing but air escaped between my lips. I go to get up from my bed. But it slightly opens, revealing my brother with the phone to his ear. I quickly wipe my eyes, in attempt to look normal. “Hey Devon, Tammy’s on the phone for you.” He says cheerfully. Why does he have to be cheerful? “Devon?” He asks, in a concerned voice. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” I try my hardest not to burst into tears again. But the more effort I put into it, the more overwhelmed it became. “Hey Tammy. Can he call you back; he doesn’t feel very well…” He pauses while he listens to whatever she’s saying. “Yea, no problem. Love you too… Have a goodnight as well… Yea, okay. Bye!” He hangs up the phone. Pushes it into his back pocket. And waits there for a moment. “Do you maybe want to talk about it?” He asks, still standing just inside my room. I go to shake my head no, “I don’t really want to talk about it, but I know eventually I’m going to have to. It’s not like I want these kinds of feelings. I don’t want to be fucked up in the head Josh. Our father beat me into submission, he literally abused me in both senses of the word. He may not be here right now, but inside this head of mine, he’s taunting me, laughing at me.” I sob into my hands. Rocking myself back and forth. “Do you want me to get mom?” He asks “NO…NO! Don’t, I’ll… I’ll be okay.” He nods his head in understanding. Slowly he makes his way over to my bed, and sits beside me. Josh puts his arm around me and I lean into him. The contact feels warm, loving. A brotherly embrace. Filled concern and emotion. I know I’m a wreck right now, but I hope that it won’t be this bad every time. “One day you’ll look back on this and it won’t be as bad or you won’t feel anything. There will come a time when things will not seem so bad or scary. I know this isn’t exactly what you wanted to hear, and maybe I’m not saying this correctly. But I hope that you understand.” He hugs me tight. “Thanks bro. I’m glad I’m here now.” I attempt a weak smile “You’re welcome. Get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a fun day you’ll see.” With that he gets off my bed and opens the door. He looks back at me with a smile. Falling back on my bed, I look at my ceiling. I wonder what will happen now that I’m surrounded by people that actually care for me and about me. I roll over and close my eyes. *********** U A few days have passed since the talk with my mother. I don’t really know how to feel towards it. I understand what happened. But, after all that time she could have came back. She could have saved me from the years of abuse. I’m still angry towards her. I’m still jealous of their life! So here I am, sitting on the back patio under this lush awning. Staring out into the river that lay just beneath our land. My mother and brother have gone somewhere to buy something for tonight’s dinner. They asked me to come along, but I didn’t feel the need to tag along. I wanted to be left alone, to my thoughts. So again, here we are. Summarizing everything that has happened. Not much thankfully. This feeling that I have… I don’t really know what this feeling is, I don’t even know if it’s good or bad. But, at this moment. I’m content. I can see myself eventually being happy, possibly. I heard a buzzing noise coming from the end table. Picking it up and looking at the screen I see it’s Tammy. I totally forgot to call her back. “Hey hun… Sorry I haven’t called you back I have been emotional. More emotional than I have been in a while.” “That’s alright. I can totally understand. How is it down there? Is it good?” She asks in a bubbly voice. “Someone chipper. Did someone get lucky?” I laugh at that “That’s not funny. And a lady never tells. But lets just say I have been seeing someone.” You can hear the happiness in her voice. I envy her. “Thank goodness!” I hoorayed out loud “Aren’t you cheery. I’m glad I made someone happy. Now tell me, what has been happening down there? Don’t skip any boring details.” I paused, do I really want to tell her everything? Sighing, I started to tell her everything. She’s my best friend after all, she knows more than she says and hears more than anyone I know. Over the course of an hour, we spoke about me mostly. With a little of her mixed in. If felt nice to actually talk with her and not keeping looking around to see if my father were anywhere near. “It sounds like you and your family are getting along just nicely Devon. I wish for you to get what you want. And not have to endure anymore beatings. The police up here still haven’t found your father. I know that isn’t saying much, but I do hope they find him a ditch!” Tammy spoke that last past in vein. I know how she feels truly… “Listen hun, I hate to ruin this moment. But I have to go. The boyfriend is beeping in. I love you with all my heart. Please be safe!” “I love you too Tammy. It was nice chatting with you. Have a good night.” “Hey there you are. I was wondering where you went. You weren’t in your room or the house.” My brother spoke from behind me, almost causing me to have a heart attack. But the sudden scare. Wincing in pain. “Sorry, I wanted some fresh air. And the patio seemed like a nice place… It is alright that I’m out here?” I ask timidly “Oh…” He pauses, “Yea… Yes, it’s totally fine that you’re out here Devon. I didn’t mean for it come out like that. This is your house now as well.” He looks me in the eyes, as he spoke. Making sure that I understood. “You have to know, that this is all new to me. I… When I was living in Colorado, with father. I couldn’t… He wouldn’t… allow me to go outside. He wouldn’t let me do anything other than clean, cook. And if I couldn’t those he would…” I didn’t finish. It’s not easy bringing up something that could trigger. “You don’t have to continue Devon, I understand.” He looks down at the ground. “No you don’t Jeff. You will never understand because you didn’t live it. You weren’t there. And thank goodness for that. But the sad truth is, someone had to be there. Someone had to endure his wraith.”I paused, my heart pounded in my chest, my body shook with adrenaline. ‘Think positive, think about street names. Brooklynn St, Cedar Dr, Court St…’ “I love that I am here now Jeff. But it doesn’t change what happened to me.”
  14. Remijay

    The Green Light

    Thats amazing... I'm dating a guy right now that is a CNA. He wants to go back to school for Pre-Med. Thats the million dollar question, what do i want to be? You have to think about what you want to see everyday going to work. Either you'll love it or hate it. You got this <3
  15. Remijay

    Christmas Day!

    omg for a second i almost beleive it myself. My heart stopped for a second, i think i read the rest of the chapter in a minute! You know how to capture an Audience thats for sure Ace Anyway, this chapter, how to put it into words?! hah, just kidding. I liked it alot. The emotion, the pure looks on the parents faces. When you go to visit new parents, you almost want one yourself, but then you leave and you're like nah not for me. Oliver screaming at Ryder for another scandal. That kid one day will give someone a heart attack i believe that LOL Teddy is right, Ryder's heart cant take that abuse right now. If he could they would have had sex already. And Teddy would be even more in love with Ryder. The next few chapters will be Ryder trying to make his fans and friends believe him, i hope he is successful. Keep'em coming, I look forward to reading every chapter as they come <3 Hugs

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