The story is coming to a close sooner rather than later. I would like to think that maybe I have inspired some others to write what they feel and not compress them. It has taken me almost 6 years to write this story. Either my life got in the way or I just didn’t feel like writing a sad dark piece. I hope my readers can understand that.
But as this book comes to a close. Another will pop up in it’s place. Probably another book pertaining to this one. But I can’t really say, it’s totally uncertain right now.
Once on the plane, we sit in these amazing chairs facing each other. My brother across me with his boyfriend to the left of him. My mother takes a seat next to me. Of course she would. Eye roll. Anyway, my tears from earlier come back. The first boyfriend that I have and I have to leave him. I was just starting to fall for him, like for real. The word Love was popping into my head after our first time. But, I just couldn’t say it to him. It didn’t feel right, or was it that I am leaving that made it feel like that? Hell I don’t know. I don’t know what the fuck is going to happen to me now… Now that I’m leaving a state that I was born and raised in. Fuck!
Putting my head into my hands I sigh. I look towards my brother. And he has tears coming down his face. Probably for differently reasons. His boyfriend is holding his hand. Whispering probably sweet nothings to him. God I wish I had mine with me right now. I wouldn’t be feeling miserable and uncertain of my future.
Cindy puts her hand on my back and rubs it. It felt nice, and gesture was warming, but I didn’t need her to think that she could just reach over and touch me. I don’t know her from Eve. For crying out loud, I bit my tongue instead of lashing out.
Instead I reach over and lightly took her hand from my back and I placed it on her lap. She sighs from beside me but she doesn’t say anything. I’m thankful for that, I didn’t want to get into another heated exchange.
“If we’re going to be stuck in an airplane for three hours can we at least be pleasant towards once another?” My brother says more than asks, while he looks from my mother to me. I shrug my shoulders because I don’t trust my words.
For the rest of the ride we rode in semi silence. I looked out the window most of the time. Thinking what it might be like. What will come? How my life has changed from just a few months ago. Sighing I close my eyes and just think. Maybe this won’t be so bad, maybe I’ll end up liking my mother.
“This is your captain speaking, we will be landing in a few minutes. Please have your seat belts on and your chairs in the upright position, thank you.”
“Thank god. I feel trapped in these things.” My brother says
“Oh stop being a whiny baby. You survived didn’t you?” Jeff says, with a laugh
“I am not. Mom am I being a whiny baby?” Josh says all whiny.
“With that tone of voice you kind of do dear.” We all have a good laugh, while he just pouts.
Getting off the plane and grabbing our bags. My brother leads us to his car. A sleek little thing, but it is beautiful. I’m seriously jealous right now. It pisses me off, actually.
“Our mom bought this for me last year as a birthday present. Isn’t it sexy, Devon?” He says. Jeff has this glint of excitement in his eyes. The smile that could banish all the darkness away. But what am I supposed to say, ‘yea sexy car bro?’ Or ‘must be nice to have these nice things?’ Or even better, ‘must be nice to have birthday’s, or to even get anything for them?’
I fucking hate feeling like this? Like I wasn’t even thought of when my birthday came around? We are twins after all right, if mom thought of his birthday, why didn’t she think of mine as well? But I’m not going to dwell on it. I just want to get to their house and sleep it off. My body is screaming out pain. They may have fixed the issues that my pos father did, but the pain is still there.
“Are you okay, Devon? You’re as pale as a ghost.” My mom goes to touch me, but I flinch away from her. “Let me just check your temperature. Then I will leave you alone.” She says in a stern voice. I shrug my shoulders. “You do feel kind of hot and clammy.” She says, well no shit. I have a ton of bruises, my bones hurt. And my insides feel like they’re on fire at the moment.
“I just need to lay down for a bit. I don’t feel so well.” I say as I throw my bags into the trunk, I brace myself against the metal. Putting my forehead on the cold metal, my headache eases. Blinking my eyes. I look towards my family. With uncertainty.
“Time to go home.” My brother says as he climbs into his car. We all nodded our heads in agreement.
We arrive on a street that is what I’d call a gated community. There’s nothing wrong with it, just it must be nice to live somewhere this fancy.
“Don’t get intimated by the houses Devon. We are not like most of the people around here.” My mother goes to say, “We only live here because your grandparents died a while ago. And left this place to me. With my job I can afford to keep it.” She sighs
I so want to say something back to her, I just don’t know what to say, to be honest. I didn’t know those people. Hell I don’t even know the people in this car that much. It’s been a long time. “I’m sorry for your lost Mother.” There I said it. It may not seem like much but I at least said something, endearing.
“Thank you dear. I know you didn’t know your grandparents. That is my fault. But for what its worth they were lovely people, and parents. They would have loved to know you.” She sniffles back some tears. Is it me or is this car getting into some feelings that I don’t want to get into right now? Call me a bad person but I just don’t care right now. I want my life to make sense.
“I would have loved that, but eh say la vie.” I shrug my shoulders and look out the window as we pass really lovely houses.
“This is it, welcome home Devon.” My brother says from the driver seat. He reaches up and pushes a button on the device attached to his visor. Pulling into the driveway, you can see both sides of it having bushes, some light fixtures, and a fence that went almost right up to the garage. Kind of fancy.
Now as for the house, dark grey with a hint of blue. Masculine. White crowning, separating the dark grey from each other. It seriously looks like a house that I would have loved growing up in, to be honest. Brick steps, leading up to a dark blue, almost grey door. There are bushes and flowers right underneath the porch. Honestly this house, is magnificent to look at.
“You like what you see Devon?” My mother asks from the passenger seat. I go to nod my head but she can’t see that.
“Yes, it looks really good. Like your parents really put in the effort to make it look classy, borderline fancy.” My brother laughs that
“I wouldn’t go that far. But thanks dear.” She says
Pulling into the garage. Everything becomes quiet as he turns off the car. Setting my anxiety off. They each get out the car. And I sit there with my heart beating crazy, and my mouth going dry. I’m literally sitting here gripping the door handle. Hoping that my heart slows down enough.
“Are you alright dear? You look pale.” My mother says as she opens the door.
I nod my head because I can’t get my mouth to work. I think it’s the fear of the unknown that has me paralyzed. Or maybe this is really real, that I’m not going back home. I’m not going to see my friends every day. I won’t have Tammy nearby if something happens.
“It will be alright Devon. You’ll see. Let’s get you inside and then you can relax and maybe sleep.” My brother looks towards my mother for her opinion.
“Yes, that’s fine dear. You already have a room, and a bathroom of your own.” She smiles as she collects more baggage from the trunk.
Nodding my head, I take my brothers hand and he helps guide me into the house. The first impression I got was WOW. The kitchen looks amazing. Dark mahogany cabinets, stainless steel appliances, eight burner stove, and an island with four chairs. Even the fridge looks huge. From the outside it doesn’t look this house could be this big on the inside.
“Do you like it Devon?” My brother asks from beside me.
“Wow, yes. It’s beautiful.” My smile.
“Is that a smile?” He chuckles and walks over the fridge.
Looking around, I venture into the living room. It’s more beautiful than the kitchen. I’m literally awe struck. Maybe a little pissed that they have been living this amazing life without me. My mother must be doing very well in her career to afford all this and more. Anyway, the living room has a beige-ish sectional. With a coffee table in front of it, a huge flat screen tv that’s literally mounted into the wall. A fireplace. Everything in this room looks and feels comfortable, inviting.
“Oh there you are. We were just about to come looking for you.” My mother says as she walks into the living room.
“Oh, sorry. Was I supposed to wait?” I ask, as I bow my head.
“No hun. You are fine. I want to see your reaction to everything. This is after all, all new to you.” She smiles as she drinks for a mug.
“Lets take you to your room. You are going to love it Devon…” Jeff says as he walks past my mother.
Walking behind him, I looked at all the pictures hanging on the wall. They were of them while Jeff was younger. They look so happy. Jeff playing in the yard, at the beach, at a wedding, and on a swing. Shaking my head, I walk up the stairs faster, and smack into Jeff. “Sorry, sorry.” I almost cry. This is going to take some time.
“It’s alright dude. No harm.” He smiles at me. “Anyway, follow me. Your room is at the end of this hall. Last door on the left.” He says
Opening the door to the room that will mine; it blows me away. Right away you see a queen size bed, a huge photo behind the bed of a tree, a mantle right above the bed, a huge window looking out into the front yard and across several yards. A desk with a laptop on it, an entertainment center with a forty inch tv. This is room is like the others in colors, brownish beige. But everything else in color Jeff chose blue. A manly color I would like to think.
I haven’t moved since we ventured in. But as I look to the side of the room, I see a door. “Is that the bathroom?” I ask getting all excited. Jeff nods his head yes.
“This bathroom looks amazing. Oh my god, look at the shower. I have always wanted a rain forest shower head. And a bathroom of my own…” Pausing, I turn to Jeff. “Everything looks perfect Jeff. Truly!” I go to hug him.
“You’re welcome Devon. I hope in time this will be your home.” He smiles.
“Boys?” My mother’s voice travels into the bathroom. I hurry to wipe my eyes before she comes in. “So Devon…” She pauses catching me the act. “Are you okay dear?” I turn to her with a smile.
“Yes everything looks for perfect. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. What I was coming to ask is, are you guys hungry?” She looks from me to Jeff.
We both nod our heads yes. “Yes, pizza?” He asks
“That will work, but we will be having a home cooked meal tomorrow. Today has been an emotional day. I think we all deserve a little treat.” She turns around and walks away.
“YES!” Jeff says as he pumps his arm in the air.
“You’re silly bro.” We both laugh at that.
“You just don’t know how crazy he is, Devon…” Josh goes to say
“Don’t fill his head with nonsense Josh. I want my brother to think of me as sane.” He hip bumps Josh. Josh just laughs and pushes Jeff.
“Yea okay, sane. He says.”
“Don’t listen to him, I am for the most part.” He tries to defend himself, but I can see that Jeff is a popular person. Always up to something.
“It’s alright. I’ll find out sooner or later what you are dear brother.” Josh laughs at Jeff. “Can I get something to drink, Jeff?” They stop laughing and look at me strange.
“You don’t have to ask Devon. If you want anything, just go get it. You don’t have to ask.” I nod my head in understanding. This is going to be new for me. I have always had to ask to get something, and if I didn’t I would be beaten.
“I guess, I’ll have to get used to not having to ask for certain things.” I shrugs my shoulders as I walk past them.
“What do you think of that Jeff?” Josh asks
“I don’t know, but I don’t like it. We have to have a conversation with mom on how to handle situations like this. All this is new to him. He’s never had this much stuff. Or people in general care about him. Other than Tammy and Trent. I’m worried that he will shut down on us, and I wouldn’t know how to deal with it. I want my brother to be normal. I don’t want him to always be scared or afraid of something. A sixteen year old shouldn’t be this scared to ask for a simple drink, or ask for new clothes or anything.”
“Your mom works with these kinds of things all time. Maybe she will help us look for signs that things aren’t okay with Devon. I know he doesn’t like her very much, but hopefully in time that will change.”
“I hope so.” I say to him as we hug each other.
Walking into the kitchen. My mother is at her laptop typing something. And Devon is sipping from a glass. But it’s too quiet in here. Why aren’t they talking to each other?
“Hey. After that do you want to see the back yard? It’s amazing out there.” His face lights up with excitement.
“Yea that would be awesome…” He says as he downs the rest of the orange juice. “let’s go.”
“Hey boys, dinner will be here in fifteen minutes. I want to you all to be washed up by then, got it?” She asks
“Yes mom.” I say to her
Upon closing the door, my brother and my boyfriend stood there. One with his hand over his mouth and the other looking at him with excitement. “Do you like it?” I ask
“Like it? No…” He pauses
“NO!” I exclaimed, how could he not like it, we spent the entire spring redoing it. Planting everything. Digging a huge hole in the ground for the pool, leveling the ground to make our dream deck. Just how can he not love it. Ugh!
“What I mean to say is, I love it. I’ve never been to place, let alone a house with this backyard.” He smiles, the light in his eyes screamed excitement.
“Thank god!” I sighed, holding my hand to my chest. “I was about to say, if you don’t like it, you’re not going to like this summer when I throw a huge party for all our friends.”
“I probably won’t I’m not good with people.” He goes to say with his head bow.
“What do you mean? You had Tammy and a hot boyfriend named Trent.”
I scuff, “The only reason Tammy became a very close friend is due to her being very persistent and annoying. She wouldn’t let me be a loner, she wouldn’t leave me alone until finally I agreed to let her be my friend…” I paused as I plopped into a comfortable chair. I need mean comfortable. I could see myself thinking out here or evening sleeping, I chuckled. “As for Trent; he became a friend first because I left the house in a bloody shirt. Tammy pointed it out and when we got to school she enlisted Trent’s help. Since that day they haven’t left me alone long enough to think.” I laughed, “Tammy said I came off a bit tense and angry towards people that’s why I didn’t have any friends, but I didn’t need friends. They didn’t need to see what I was I living in, or how I was living. I was so guarded, and protective of it, that it…” I stopped, they didn’t need to hear the rest. It’s all history anyway.
“That it, what Devon?” Josh asks
“Nothing, its stupid. And it’s in the past.”
“Fair enough, but I would still like to get to know you more Devon. We haven’t seen you in, well ten years.” My brother says, just as my mother comes out.
“Dinner’s here. Wash up please…” She says as she turns around and goes back inside.
“We aren’t done with conversation Devon.”