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sandrewn

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sandrewn last won the day on November 25 2016

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4,695 You Wish You Were Me

About sandrewn

  • Rank
    Call me Ishmael

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Sexuality
    Ask Me
  • Location
    North of the Border
  • Interests
    Fishing,hunting,camping,traveling,computers.

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  1.  

     

     

    What do you get if you send the Godfather to law school?

     

    An offer you can't understand.                                                

     

    ...

     

    A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had     

    bagged 3 ducks and decided to "enforce the laws        

    pending".                                                                               

    He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said,     

    "Looks like you've had a pretty good day. Mind if I       

    inspect your kill?"                                                                

    The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the       

    warden.                                                                                  

    The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger

    into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and      

    said, "This here's a Washington state duck. Do you     

    have a Washington state hunting license?"                   

    The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed   

    the warden a Washington state hunting license.         
     
      The warden took a second duck, inserted his finger in

    the bird's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said,    

    "This here's an Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho      

    state hunting license?"                                                    

    The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state    

    hunting license.                                                               

    The warden took a third duck, conducted the same

    finger test, and said, "This here's an Oregon state   

       duck. Do you have an Oregon state hunting license?"

    Once again, only this time more aggravated, the     

    hunter produced the appropriate license.                 

    The warden, a little miffed at having struck out,     

    handed the ducks back to the hunter and said,       

      "You've got all of these licenses, just where the hell

    are you from?"                                                               

    The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and said

    "You're so smart, YOU tell ME!"                                  

     

    ...

     

    We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel

    in Atlanta was getting a face-lift and its beautiful     

    maple doors became available for sale as salvage   

    items. We bought several and had them installed    

    in our 19th-century home.                                             

    Showing a friend around the house, I pointed out,   

    "You know, these doors are from the Piedmont       

                                                                     Hotel."                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

    He raised an eyebrow. "Most people just take the  

    towels."                                                                           

     

    ...

     

     

    This woman is about to board a bus, but when she     

    steps up, she realizes that her skirt is too tight, and   

    she can't lift her leg to board. So, she reaches around

    behind her and lowers her zipper a bit and tries          

    again.                                                                                    


    Skirt's still too tight, so she reaches behind her and   

    lowers her zipper some more, and tries again. She    

    still can't get on, so she reaches back and lowers the

    zipper a bit more. She tries to step up, and feels two

    hands on her butt push her up onto the bus. She       

    spins around and says, "Sir, I don't know you well      

    enough for you to do that!"                                              


     He says, "Lady, I sure don't know you well enough for

    you to lower my zipper three times."                             

     

    ...

     

     

    How do you make a pool table laugh?                      

    Put your hand down its pocket and tickle its balls!

     

     

     

     

    7 February

     

     

    was

    National Send a Card to a Friend Day

    National Girls & Women in Sports Day(1st Wed in Feb)

    National Periodic Table Day

    &

    National Fettuccine Alfredo Day

    Intl Clash Day

    " e " Day

    Ballet Day

    Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day

    Rose Day

    Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day

     

     

    7 February

     

    2009 - The Black Saturday bushfires in Australia kill 173

                 people

    2005 - Ellen McArthur breaks the speed record for sailing

                 solo around the world

    1992 - The European Union is established as the

                 Maastricht Treaty is signed

    1986 - Haiti's president, Jean-Claude "Papa Doc " Duvalier,

                 flees the country, ending 28 years of family rule

    1984 - NASA astronauts take the first untethered

                 spacewalk

     

    Births

    1978 - Aston Kutcher

    1962 - Garth Brooks

    1962 - Eddie Izzard

    1906 - Oleg Antonov

    1812 - Charles Dickens

     

    Deaths

    2015 Dean Smith

     

     

     

     

     

    8 February

     

     

    was

    National Boy Scouts Day

    National Iowa Day

    National Kite Flying Day

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. droughtquake

      droughtquake

      Quote

      This woman is about to board a bus

      Around here, she would have just insisted that the driver ‘kneel’ the bus. If that wasn’t enough, she would have demanded that he lower the wheelchair ramp! Bus riders in this area are very demanding. Almost all the drivers are very accommodating and will assist as much as they can. Go AC Transit!  ;-)

    3. Puppilull

      Puppilull

      Godfather lawyer... We are more interested in being consigliero. Influence without having to take the heat. 

    4. SolarMaxx

      SolarMaxx

      It’s nice to see you back up and running @sandrewn. The lady at the buss stop is my favorite! :gikkle:

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