Single Status Update
What do you get if you send the Godfather to law school?
An offer you can't understand.
A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had
bagged 3 ducks and decided to "enforce the laws
He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said,
"Looks like you've had a pretty good day. Mind if I
inspect your kill?"
The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the
The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger
into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and
said, "This here's a Washington state duck. Do you
have a Washington state hunting license?"
The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed
the warden a Washington state hunting license.
The warden took a second duck, inserted his finger in
the bird's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said,
"This here's an Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho
state hunting license?"
The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state
The warden took a third duck, conducted the same
finger test, and said, "This here's an Oregon state
duck. Do you have an Oregon state hunting license?"
Once again, only this time more aggravated, the
hunter produced the appropriate license.
The warden, a little miffed at having struck out,
handed the ducks back to the hunter and said,
"You've got all of these licenses, just where the hell
are you from?"
The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and said
"You're so smart, YOU tell ME!"
We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel
in Atlanta was getting a face-lift and its beautiful
maple doors became available for sale as salvage
items. We bought several and had them installed
in our 19th-century home.
Showing a friend around the house, I pointed out,
"You know, these doors are from the Piedmont
He raised an eyebrow. "Most people just take the
This woman is about to board a bus, but when she
steps up, she realizes that her skirt is too tight, and
she can't lift her leg to board. So, she reaches around
behind her and lowers her zipper a bit and tries
Skirt's still too tight, so she reaches behind her and
lowers her zipper some more, and tries again. She
still can't get on, so she reaches back and lowers the
zipper a bit more. She tries to step up, and feels two
hands on her butt push her up onto the bus. She
spins around and says, "Sir, I don't know you well
enough for you to do that!"
He says, "Lady, I sure don't know you well enough for
you to lower my zipper three times."
How do you make a pool table laugh?
Put your hand down its pocket and tickle its balls!
National Send a Card to a Friend Day
National Girls & Women in Sports Day(1st Wed in Feb)
National Periodic Table Day
National Fettuccine Alfredo Day
Intl Clash Day
" e " Day
Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day
2009 - The Black Saturday bushfires in Australia kill 173
2005 - Ellen McArthur breaks the speed record for sailing
solo around the world
1992 - The European Union is established as the
Maastricht Treaty is signed
1986 - Haiti's president, Jean-Claude "Papa Doc " Duvalier,
flees the country, ending 28 years of family rule
1984 - NASA astronauts take the first untethered
1978 - Aston Kutcher
1962 - Garth Brooks
1962 - Eddie Izzard
1906 - Oleg Antonov
1812 - Charles Dickens
2015 Dean Smith
National Boy Scouts Day
National Iowa Day
National Kite Flying Day
Today in San Francisco, Canadian Prime Minister was greeted like a rock star! In the Bay Area, he’s almost certainly the most popular national leader in the world. He doesn’t have much competition since few people know who the leaders are of California's other major trading partners like Mexico, Japan, China, Korea, UK, Germany, France, or Australia. Looks-wise, Macron is probably his only competition. ;-)
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