It made me giggle helplessly to see Bryce's goofy face again today. An early Saturday afternoon, with a group of us getting together to jump on a bus and travel out to the big mall on the outskirts of town. The six of us had planned to spend the whole day window shopping, eating junk food, and catching a recent horror movie at the giant Cineplex at the far end of the mall parking lot. Me, Bryce...and our closest friends, Bradley, Jon, Tessa, and Ashley. We've been hanging out as the best of friends since the sixth grade...but we were a bit worried about falling for that weird middle school 'divorce' that so many of our other friends have gone through in the past few years. You know...when the people you once thought were your best friends in the whole world suddenly begin to change? They go through one phase after another, they start wanting to hang with the 'popular' kids and sit at another table in the cafeteria...hormones get involved...friendships get obliterated...ugh! Middle school can be such a goddamn MESS for us sometimes! And losing a trusted friend to something as stupid as 'trying on a new identity' can be extremely heartbreaking, to say the least.
But the six of us? We decided that this wasn't going to happen to us. No way! We were besties! And we were going to STAY besties, no matter WHAT life threw in our way! So we all made a pact to never change so much that we couldn't be friends anymore, and now that we're getting ready to end the Summer and start our sophomore year of high school together right after Labor Day? I'm overjoyed to see that we all kept up on our end of the bargain, and that things were just as awesome as they ever were before. We had hardly changed at all. It wasn't an accident. We're still friends because we made the determined effort to keep that train running. So, weekends like this are an event that we've come to treasure and appreciate whenever we get the chance to all get together like this outside of school. It's just plain fun. You know?
And that brings me to the 'hardly' changed part of the equation...
Ummm...where do I start?
Well, like I said...puberty kind of leads a full blown assault on all of us at one time or another, and hormones are just about as close to the full textbook definition of INSANITY as a teenager can experience without actually being put in a straitjacket and heavily sedated in a room with padded walls. Seriously...what the fuck? Sometimes I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. Luckily, I've got good friends to remind me every once in a while before I lose everything that I struggled so hard to like about 'me' to begin with.
We've been sort of suspecting that Tessa has had a crush on Bradley for weeks now. I mean, if she was trying to hide her infatuation for him, she's not very good at it. We can all tell. And I think he kind of likes her too. But he'd never admit to it. He's not very good at hiding his feelings either, to be honest. A little better than Tessa is, but not by much. He always holds the door open for her when we hang out. And he buys her stuff. Like candy and sodas and friendship bracelets at the pharmacy counter. He smiles at her all the time, but when she smiles back...it's like it terrifies him, or something. I used to think that was SO weird!
But that was at the beginning of the Summer. Now that some time has passed...hehehe, I think I get it now!
It was about eight days ago when things changed forever for me and Bryce. Just last Friday. But...the impact of it all was so monumental that it seems like the time 'before' all this was an eternity ago. And now that we both have to hang out with the rest of our friends as though nothing happened between us while nobody was looking? It became this really sexy 'secret' that made me want to laugh out loud with every breath that I could muster. And I think Bryce felt the same way. He could barely keep himself from giggling whenever we were within a few feet of each other. He has the cutest laugh EVER! It's pretty contagious. And impossible to ignore. Something about Bryce's smile just lit up your whole day. Or was that just me?
Oh God! Am I in love? Already? It sure feels like it! I wasn't really aware of the crush that I had on Bryce before last week. I just knew that there was something about being close to him that made me happy. He was 'joy' personified to me, and I found myself always wanting to talk to him over anybody else. I always wanted to sit next to him at the lunch table. I always got a thrill when we wrestled or gave each other a few playful shoves between friends. I have to admit...sometimes I would just stare at his pretty face, and think to myself, "Wow...he's so beautiful. I wish I looked like that." I think that was the beginning of me finally figuring out how I felt about him. It was a slippery slope towards, "Omigod! I WANT him! I really do!" That could have ended up being a bad thing. Apocalyptic when it came to our friendship and the friendships we shared with everyone else at that table. But...by some sort of mystical tsunami of good fortune...it turned out to be the one thing that was certain to create an even tighter bond than the one we had before.
It was hard to sit still without wiggling. Especially when Bryce's bright blue eyes connected to mine. I never wanted to kiss another boy so badly! It weighed heavy on my chest to the point of breathlessness.
"That movie would have been so much cooler if they hadn't forced it into that stupid PG-13 category!" Jon said, chowing down on some chili cheese fries.
Ashley said, "It was plenty scary as it was, if you ask me. I don't like the gory stuff so much."
"It doesn't have to be gory. Just...I want a real HORROR movie, dammit! This kiddie bullshit is so underwhelming. Right, Gavin?"
Jon had caught me off guard with his question. I was too busy starring at Bryce's sweet face. And his longish brown hair as it lightly caressed the sides of his lightly blushed cheeks. And his thin, but shapely, lips. And the 'nakedness' of his neck as it traveled down into the collar of his shirt. I was lost in an eternal daydream, and had to shake myself out of it when I heard my name. "Oh...ummm, yeah. Totally. They cut all of the cool stuff out when it's rated PG-13. It sucks." I said. Just hearing my voice caused Bryce to flash me a flirtatious grin, which almost made me fully hard just from the sight of it alone.
Gah! STOP that!!!
Bradley, predictably, said what we all knew he'd say. "I'm telling you guys...80's horror was much better. R rated, super gory, practical effects...they don't make horror flicks like that any more."
Some of us groaned, and Jon just shook his head, saying, "Ever since you watched 'Stranger Things', you've been unbearable with the retro 80's worship. Let it GO, dude."
"NEVER!" Bradley declared. "I was totally born in the wrong decade. I'm sure of it. I swear, I should have been an 80's kid."
Tessa said, "Oh please. 24 Hours without being able to hold a cell phone, you'd be catatonic and you know it."
We shared a few chuckles over it, but as I glanced over at Bryce again...his baby blue eyes glancing back at me...we shared another silent moment. There was a hidden tilt to his grin that let me know that he was thinking about last week. A few seconds of extended eye contact that let me know that our secretive little message was being both given and received. Bryce and I didn't want anyone to notice how enamored we were with one another, so we kept one ear focused on the conversation just in case. Grinning when the social cues from the others prompted us to participate. But, we were deeply involved with each other to the point where it almost felt like the rest of the entire mall was empty. Selfishly enjoying one another's company, while anticipating the next time that we'd be able to get some more time alone.
"Gavin, can I have some of your fries?" Jon asked.
"Uh huh..." I pushed my tray towards him, barely paying him any attention.
"Whoah. That was easy."
"You usually guard your fries as though they were the last rations on planet Earth. What's with the generosity today?"
I said, "Oh. No, it's alright. I'm full anyways. You can finish them off if you want."
"Score! Back off, vultures! Mine! You heard him!"
Sacrificing the yummy goodness of a basket of mall fries was more than worth it. It allowed me to drift back into a full blown swoon as Bryce took a sip of his milkshake. Look at the way his lips lovingly grip that straw. The cold, thick, liquid oozing upward until it fills his mouth and slowly...sensually...melts on the way down his throat. An icy beverage never looked so erotic to me.
I got a particular flurry of butterflies in my stomach when he looked over at me while he was sipping, and he coiled his tongue around the straw to taunt me. Hehehe, with a mischievous smirk, he closed his eyes and hummed in the sexiest way.
I didn't mean to burst out laughing the way I did, but the sound of it caused Bryce to instantly start snickering as well, and that grabbed the attention of everyone at the table. Especially with Bryce having to hold his hand over his mouth to keep from spitting a mouthful of milkshake all over the table. Hahaha! CUTE! Omigod, he's SO cute!
Ashley and Tessa looked at one another, then Ashley says, "What's going on with you two today?"
Bryce giggled, "What? It's a good milkshake. Gavin's the one being a weirdo over there."
"WHAT? Don't put this on me! Hehehe!" I said. Oh man, I'm squirming, aren't I? Stop it! I look SO suspicious right now.
Bryce's face turned red, and his hair glided softly in front of his blue eyes as he tried to go back to sipping his milkshake in a 'normal' way. Even though he kept snickering over what he knew he was doing to me.
Geez, are we going to become as obvious as Bradley and Tessa are with our little secret? I know that we should probably be more careful about all this, but...it's just SO damn fun!
"You two have been so extra lately." Bradley said. "What are you hiding?"
"Nothing." I smirked.
"Nothing." Bryce giggled. "Leave us alone..."
Then our eyes met again, and it was hard to keep from cracking up again. I couldn't even tell you what was so funny about the moment. All I knew was that when I was this close to Bryce, everything in the whole wide world was funny. Hysterical! Side-splitting, tear inducing, double over and hold your gut, FUNNY! And I couldn't stop smiling if I tried. No matter how many strange looks we got from our friends.
Oh man...I'm SO in love! How am I supposed to contain this? And is it going to get worse over time? I don't know if I could handle that. I really don't.
I felt the pressure beginning to melt away as they went back to their conversation, but my anxiety remained high as Bryce and I held our intimate eye contact for a bit longer. It made me wonder what he was thinking about when he smirked at me like that. Was it the moment when we both got really quiet at my house? When our playful wrestling had suddenly shifted the mood, and we found ourselves finally understanding what our hearts have been trying to tell us all along? I remember being so scared, and yet so excited by the promise of taking the biggest leap of faith ever. We stared at each other for a full minute. A giggle or two escaping us as we tried to settle some of the growing tension between us. I wanted to kiss him, but I wanted him to kiss me first. I wanted to be sure. Why was he hesitating for so long? It was maddening, having us smile and stare at one another without any idea, whatsoever, of how to proceed to the next step. I just remember my heart beating so hard that I could hear the rush of blood surging through my eardrums.
An eternity passed between us. I'm serious. I thought that moment would NEVER end! It was like having my internet browser crash without warning, leaving me stuck on a page that I couldn't click away from. I giggled nervously again, and attempted to pull my vulnerable stare away from him. But, the moment I did...Bryce chose not to let the moment pass us by. He sort of jerked forward and kissed me on the cheek. It was so quick, so unexpected, that I didn't even have a chance to really enjoy it. As my face became flushed with a storm of dark pink embarrassment, my only response was to snicker out loud and look down at my hands as I rested them, palms down, on my legs. It took some courage to peek up at him again, and Bryce was just as red in the face as I was...but that smile. Wow...that smile.
When he didn't see me reject his affection, or recoil with disgust...he brushed his hair out of his eyes...waited another few seconds...and then leaned in to kiss me on my other cheek. This time, it was a little bit slower. A little bit softer. His lips lingering on the side of my face for a brief moment before withdrawing again...searching my eyes for any sign of acceptance.
I just remember trembling in silence. Physically shivering over the thought that this was really happening. I began to feel the wiggles in the center of my stomach, but something about the delirious joy he had brought me with those two simple pecks gave me strength. So, I took the plunge...and I leaned in to kiss him on his cheek, this time. Of course, I messed it up a bit, because I ended up kissing his HAIR more than anything else. But as I used my fingers to pull a single strand off of the tip of my tongue, Bryce laughed at me...and then used his hand to brush his hair out of the way. He waited for me to try again...so I did. All skin this time. Smooth, unblemished, skin. Warm. Pleasant. Sensual. What had we started?
"If you're going to make a killer zombie movie, what's the point of having it be so tame?" Jon said. "They're unthinking, undead, cannibals! Just because you hide the blood or have somebody scream and die off screen, it's not like we don't know what happened to them. Just show it, already! And you know they're just gonna come out with an unrated version on Blu-Ray anyway later on. Anybody that's going to get all traumatized and crazy from watching a zombie movie...should just stop watching zombie movies. They're ruining it for the rest of us."
Was he still going on about that?
"Bryce, dude...what was the name of that one movie you showed me that one time?"
Jon had disconnected us once again, and Bryce tried to weave himself back into reality without anybody else catching on. "That one movie? What movie?"
"You know, that flick where those two zombies bit both sides of that railroad hobo's face, and they, like...tore his whole HEAD apart! Remember?"
"Oh! You mean, 'The Dead Keep Living'?" Bryce asked. "The one where the zombies, like, devoured that entire orphanage?"
"YES!!! That's the one!" Jon shouted.
"Ewww! Omigod!" Ashley cringed.
"Now that was a good horror flick! Filmmakers show SHOW us that stuff! If I wanted to use my imagination, I'd read a book. You know? Tell the scaredy cats to go be pussies on their own time."
They continued to chat away about the terrible acts they wished tosee portrayed on screen, but the riptide of young love was too strong to keep Bryce and I apart from our dreamworld for longer than a few seconds at a time. Maybe the others think it's weird...but they have no idea how mind-blowing that afternoon was for us.
They've never felt Bryce lean forward...this time not diverting his approach to one cheek or the other, but heading straight for my lips. And they've never felt the adrenaline rush that I did when I leaned forward to meet him half way. They'll never know about the electric surge I felt when our tongues touched for the first time, and I had to reach forward to hold onto his thighs to keep my balance. There was a time when the very thought of swapping spit with another person, even one as cute Bryce, gave me a sick feeling. But I, obviously, had no idea how utterly passionate it was. Now, I almost want to bottle his saliva and drink it down with my lunch!
Kissing him was experimental at first, but we quickly got the hang of it. It was just a matter of, 'hey...let me try this', or 'let's see what happens when I tilt my head this way instead'. He did things too, and I just did my best to keep up. Both worry and pleasure fought for dominance over the experience. I wanted to absorb the intimate connection for all that it had to offer me. It was my first real kiss, after all. I am SO glad that I got to share it with Bryce instead of somebody else. I wanted so badly to let go and get lost in the moment...but I also wanted to be alert enough to concentrate on making this the best kiss Bryce ever had. Just in case he ever wanted to do it again some time.
From the way he's looking at me right now...I'm thinking he does.
Ashley said, "Why does everything have to be murder and karate and explosions with you guys? Just once, we'd like to be dragged to a romantic comedy or something? Or just a good drama? Something where people don't have to punch someone in the face in order to make their point."
Tessa sighed, "Amen."
Jon just replied with, "Lame." Then he turned to Bradley, asking, "I mean, those movies are sooooo boring, right? They talk and they talk and they talk...and then? Roll credits. Great. Thanks for wasting my life, 'movie'. I appreciate it."
But, Bradley looked at Tessa, and he wisely replied, "I don't know, Jon. Maybe...every now and then, we can let the ladies choose the weekend movie. You know? Maybe it won't be so bad."
Hearing this made Tessa melt in her seat, and they shared a smile while Jon rolled his eyes at the predictability of his, once rational, friend's comment. "How did I know you were going to take their side?" He moaned.
Meanwhile, I thought about how the very concept of time had ceased to exist for Bryce and I as we were making out. I remembered the way my hand was shaking as I caressed his cheek and lifted his silken brown hair to tuck it behind his ear. I remembered the feeling of his soft breath on my skin. I remembered how 'different' it was to continue kissing him once we had taken our shirts off. Touching his flesh...feeling it slide beneath my fingers. There's no feeling that I could possibly compare it to. It was...total magic.
I can still feel the vibration of his soft whimpers on my lips. The tender 'stab' of his erect nipples against my chest. The blissful feeling of fatigue as our expression of newfound love had gone beyond our bodies ability to fuel us with the energy to keep going. And yet...we kept going, regardless.
We'll never be able to explain to our friends that we soon began to undress down to our boxer brief underwear. Or that we lay back on my bed and started to hump and grind on one another until the warm leakings of liquid sex permeated the fabric, leaving sticky little stains on each other as we writhed on top of my sheets. I doubt they'll understand the feelings I experienced when Bryce was on top of me, and I allowed my hands to slide under the elastic of his waistband to grip the milky white mounds beneath...pulling him further into me as my craving for him increased tenfold.
What would Jon say if I told him that the same lips that Bryce was using to draw his cool milkshake up through that straw...were doing the same to my hard inches just a week before? What would Ashley think if she knew that I spent full minutes kissing and licking the insides of Bryce's splayed thighs, my tongue sliding over the textured wrinkles of his sack while he writhed beneath me in ecstasy? Would Tessa and Bradley think we were crazy for tongue kissing and humping each other until we both erupted with a double explosion of heated seed, covering our flat bellies as our legs got tangled around each other, our lips almost numb from their no-longer-innocent collision? Would they understand us doing it for a second time less than ten minutes later?
Maybe it's just not for them to know. Maybe...like a lot of our inside jokes...you just had to be there. Hehehe!"
I heard Bryce slurping his drink, reaching the bottom of his milkshake, and I had to focus on making my erection go away as Bradley announced, "We should get out of here. Let's head out to the park or something. This place has outlived its usefulness for the day."
Tessa replied, "Sounds good to me. You lead, and I'll follow."
Jon added, "Agreed. You guys ready?"
Bryce and I couldn't keep our eyes off of one another, but kept quiet for the sake of normality. Bryce wiped his lips and smiled. "Ok. I'm good to go."
Immediately, I said, "Ok. Let's bounce out of here." What? It's not like Bryce was going to go anywhere without me tagging along to stare at his cute face some more. That's just not a possibility.
We got our trash together and picked up our trays to leave. But Bryce secretly gave me a nudge, telling me to let the others walk ahead of us by a few steps. Then he smiled at me, taking a hold of my hand. Only for a short moment, his bright blue beams making me weak in the middle...but it meant everything to me.
Maybe the rest of our friends won't understand what was going on between us. Then again, maybe they will...someday. But for right now, this was our playful secret, and I don't think I'm ready for anybody else to be a part of it just yet. It's ours, you know? We own it. We live it. And we can enjoy the knowledge of having everybody around us in the dark when it comes to the things we do. I know that we're just starting out, and we're still kind of baffled that this happened at all...but that's ok.
They'll never know the taste of him. They'll never hear him moan the way that I've heard him moan. They'll never know the feel of his soft, wet, tongue sliding against their own...or his gentle weight bearing down on them while kneading the spongy softness of his sexy bubbles while his hardness runs its slickened tip over their skin. I almost wish I could brag about it, to be honest. But that would ruin the mystery. Hehehe, and I kind of like that part. At least for now.
Yeah, they may not understand...but we're not telling.
Nope. Let them wonder. They're only getting the PG-13 version for now. I guess they'll just have to use their imagination until we decide to give them the unrated version. You know...later.