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Comicality last won the day on October 20 2012

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8,818 Catch Me If You Can

About Comicality

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  • Gender
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    Bisexual, leaning male
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    Chicago, IL

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  1. Imagine Question: First Kiss

    If I had to be totally honest, I experienced my very first kiss when I was only six years old. Hahaha, but I don't count that as my first 'real' kiss. But it was with a blond girl in the first grade, and we were on a field trip to the Field Museum. I don't know what came over me or why I was so enamored by this girl, but I vividly remember torturing myself about it for the whole field trip. I just HAD to kiss her before the end of the day! And I did. An innocent, little boy, kiss of course...but it scared the shit out of me to do it, the other boys in the class thought I was crazy, SHE thought I was crazy...but I did it! And I won't take it back! Hehehe! See? Comsie was a natural born romantic. My first real kiss, meaning a kiss with some intent behind it, came when I was about twelve or thirteen, I think. It was with a boy named, Seth, and we had been friends for a few years. He used to live across the street from me, but his mom moved him and his little brother further away from us. Not TOO far away, but further than I was allowed to go by myself at the time. So every other weekend we would end up having his mom or mine drive over and drop us off for a sleepover. He had a bedroom, but we always slept up in his attic. His stepdad had a thing about 'noise' after ten O'clock, but...come on, dude! It's a SLEEPOVER! Relax. So we'd stay in the attic, played with action figures and Legos and talked and laughed. And I remembered this one night we had been watching "Raiders Of The Lost Ark", and this was probably the 50th time we saw it but it was playing in the background. We were both laying in his bed, it was dark except for the TV, and I don't really remember what we were talking about but things got really quiet all of a sudden. We could barely see each other's faces. I remember moving a little bit closer to him, and I remember him bumping my knee with his. And we were just sort of breathing. I swear I can still hear his breathing as I write this. And our heads got closer, but there was, like, a part of the blanket or a pillow between our faces. At first the blanket was between our lips, and then Seth pulled it down to get it out of the way...and our lips touched. I don't think I had ever been more excited in my entire life up until that point. Seth was extremely cute, but we were usually too busy having fun for me to really consider having a 'crush' on him or anything. I hadn't even really thought about it until a few minutes before we starting making out. And then there was some tongue action happening, then some rolling around, and a little grinding. But that's as far as it went. Hehehe, I honestly can't even remember how it ended or why we stopped. I just remember everything going back to normal the next day and it was as if nothing happened. Now, about a year later...hehehe, yeah, we finished what we started. Many, many, times over! (Wink) But it's not like we got together to kiss on the weekends. It happened, like, twice for a whole year. I didn't even think about it being a 'gay' thing. It was just this really sweet moment that happened with Indiana Jones playing on a Betamax machine in the background. Hehehe! Ahhh, memories.
  2. Imagine Question: First Kiss

    That very first kiss. That first intimate connection. It can be one of the most memorable parts of anyone's life...sometimes for good reasons...sometimes for bad reasons. But, whatever the case may be, our topic this time around is all about that very first liplock and how it affected you! Now, I realize that some of you haven't actually had your first kiss yet, and that's fine. If you're still waiting for that magic moment, tell us what you want it to be like. What are you expecting? If given a choice, who would your first kiss be with? It's going to happen eventually, so you might as well enjoy a bit of fantasy until it taps you on the shoulder. Hehehe! So share your very first kiss memories with us! Give us some details! Who was it with? Was it a boy? A girl? Was it premeditated? Or were one of you caught off guard? Was it good? Was it awkward? Was it...bad? How did you react? Whatever you can tell us, we'd be happy to hear it! Sighhhh...first kisses. Awwww!
  3. Imagine Question For This Week

    Yes! I've had problems with shyness in the past, but it's not a lifelong sentence. A lot of it came from issues that I was having at home. I mean, I don't think people understand how hurtful a life of constant criticism and verbal/physical abuse can be. It creates a 'break' in your psyche after a while. And I was so used to feeling like I was hated and stupid and wasn't good enough for anyone to pay me any attention, that I began to say those same awful words to myself, even when no one else was. So, I loved my small circle of friends because we all grew up together. But strangers? New classrooms, or having somebody new at our lunch table, or trying to get an after school job? I would be ready to crumble at the first sign of trouble. And if there wasn't any trouble, I'd convince myself that I was just too stupid to see it, so I'd invent some reason to crumble anyway. It can be such a difficult state of mind to get around, even for the simplest of tasks. See, when I talk about shyness, I don't just mean not being able to talk to people or wanting to be the life of the party. I'm talking about wanting to desperately reach out and be noticed, but you CAN'T...and it makes you miserable! I can't tell you how many people over the years have written me emails to tell me that they want to meet people, they want friends, they want to get along with their family members, they want love...but there's a social anxiety that gets in the way of that. It's a really difficult obstacle to get around. I try not to push too hard, but often end up in an argument because everything I say either gets turned around or shot down and it's like, "ARRGGHHH!!! Who's side are you on??? Aren't YOU the one that's miserable? Help me out here!" But then I remember feeling that way myself and realize that's what shyness DOES! It defends itself. It's like removing a stubborn parasite from the middle of your stomach and it won't go away! You end up arguing to stay miserable instead of getting better, and that's no help at all. It sucks. Believe me, I know. But, like I said, it isn't something that can't be improved upon. It doesn't have to last forever. Two things helped me get past the way that I used to feel all the time. Does that mean I'm never bashful or full of anxiety or self conscious about certain things? No. I'm human. I get nervous like everybody else. But I'm a LOT better about it than I used to be. The first incident that helped me out was actually due to me being horny. Hahaha, of course. Passion can be quite the motivator. I was working in this big place with bars and a kitchen and bowling lanes etc, and it was opening up for the first time downtown Chicago. We were both 19, but he looked like a 15 year old high school. Gorgeous! We had a staff of about 2 or 3 hundred people at the time, and one of my college roommates was also working there with me. I wasn't out to ANYBODY at the time, so I had to be super super careful, especially with friend of mine working right next to me. I was DESPERATE to meet him though! Talk to him. Get a few handshakes and hugs. Get him completely naked! (Did I say that last one out loud?) So I would make eye contact, occasionally say hello whenever he walked by. But...I didn't want it to seem like I was showing him special attention. I mean, he was so CUTE...people would have suspected that something was up whenever I smiled in his direction. So I tried to dilute things by saying hi to everybody whenever I came to work. Nothing else. Just a nod, "Hey", and that was it. That way, when I approached my dream boy with a grin, it didn't seem weird or out of place. Then, something else happened unexpectedly. People started saying hi to me first. Which was scary at first. That anxiety returned with a vengeance, but I didn't want to be rude. So I started talking to them too. Those conversations got a bit longer and longer. The break room became more fun. And once I started talking to them some more, joking around and stuff, I discovered that people weren't half as SCARY as I once thought they were. And I wasn't really embarrassing myself or pissing anyone off. I was just being myself, and that was good enough. After about two or three weeks, there was hardly anybody that didn't know me by name and vice versa. Never actually 'got' my dream boy, but we did become REALLY good friends and started hanging out all the time. Just the two of us at his house. Sighhhh...he's one of the reasons this site exists, in fact! So, trying to find a sneaky way into his heart is what helped me to get a little better with the whole shyness thing. You have to find a way to PROVE to yourself that you'll fare just fine when it comes to being around other people. Nobody can tell you to have courage or that it doesn't matter. You need to find your own proof. And it can be terrifying taking those first few steps, but it's so WORTH it! Trust me! The second thing that helped me out? The Shack! Hehehe, that shouldn't be surprising at all! Talking to you guys has been the greatest experience of my life! Not just reading/writing stuff, but being able to interact with people online and talking about things that I was never able to talk about before. I was 23 when the Shack started, and it was frightening to try to pry my brain open and speak about my true feelings and attractions. I was extremely guarded when I started out. The only way for me to 'speak' was through the stories I was writing. I could still claim to be detached if someone took offense or got mad at me. But it was answering emails, going to the chatroom, posting on the boards...I've learned so much. I honestly believe that social confidence is a muscle, and you have to train it in order for it to get stronger. You can't just sit back and say, "I'm not good at talking to people" and expect it to ever get better. No more than you can expect six pack abs by watching TV shows all day. You have to talk. You have to meet people. You have to joke around and share a piece of yourself while allowing other people to do the same. It works. And rather quickly, I might add. This site has made me who I am today. And naturally, that has spilled over into my real life as well, to the point where online Comsie and offline Comsie are practically identical. It feels so GOOD to be able to speak my mind and express myself without the crippling fear of being rejected for it looming over me all the time. So, if you guys are shy but want to one day go for something more...take those first few scary steps towards being a little more social. Just a LITTLE bit. You'll be surprised how quickly it gets easier for you to engage the people around you and find a few kindred spirits in the process. K? Hang in there. I'm being serious when I say that I've been where you've been. And I'm not saying that it's going to be easy to get better. But if you ever find yourself defending the thing that's making you miserable...you've got to stop. K? Go out there and find something to help you get better. A lot of folks are feeling the same anxiety. They don't bite. Not unless you ask them too. Hehehe, in which case, you've got yourself a buddy for life!
  4. Hehehe DC/Marvel Fanboy Moment!

    I think they're actually working on a Teen Titans movie already! They casted a few actors already, and a Young Justice flick wouldn't be far off if they do it!
  5. Imagine Question For This Week

    Hehehe, I can HEAR you guys, ya know?
  6. Imagine Question For This Week

    So, we briefly touched on this the last time I was in the Chatterbox Chatroom, and some of you guys had stuff to say about it and wanted to share your personal experience. So let's do it. I'm sure that many of us can relate. Do you consider yourself a shy person when it comes to connecting to other people? For some, talking to strangers or even to friends and loved ones can come off as being a terrifying experience. Or at least scary enough that you'd want to avoid that kind of contact at all costs. Does this describe you? And can you explain why? Now, I'm not talking about being 'introverted'. That's different. I can understand someone that just likes their private space and isn't really interested in being surrounded by people all the time. That's fine. But there are people that I talk to all the time that tell me they're shy but it makes them absolutely <I>miserable</I>. They can't talk in public, they feel disconnected from their friends, they're afraid to go to the chatroom, they're afraid to post on the forums (even <I>anonymously</I>)...they actually WANT to take a step forward...but won't. Why? What is it that we're so afraid of? Tell us your story if you're feeling up to it. I spent a lot of my life being painfully shy myself, and I'm still plagued by it from time to time. But I'm a LOT better than I was, believe me. Shyness can be a serious problem for some people. There's nothing to be ashamed of when talking about it, and there's no real 'cure' for it other than self confidence and practice. So give us your 'shy guy' tales! And if you're one of the shy people who have never posted here before...now would be a great time to make an introduction.
  7. https://www.youtube.com/embed/EzIzFfWR78M
  8. The Newest Question For Imagine Magazine...

    In the beginning...being gay was NOT an option for me! Like...at all. Not just 'coming out' as gay, but not even BEING gay! My father was extremely, physically, abusive. Already, he used to call me a 'sissy' and a 'pretty boy' etc. When I wanted to be an actor, and got my first agent (was a modeling agent), I got HELL from him! If he knew I was even thinking about boys, I thought he might murder me. Honestly. I was an 80's kid. During that time, people would say things like 'fag' or 'faggot' or, hehehe, I remember 'gaylord' was a big insult back then. But it was confusing to me, because (especially when MTV came along) everybody was wearing make-up and long hair and tight leather pants...hehehe WTF? But I liked boys just fine until <I>other</I> people told me it was disgusting and wrong. So, even though I was lucky enough to have a few 'experiments' when I was young...and some sleepovers...and then there was the boy scouts...well, let's not get into all of that! LOL! Let's just say that I had my fair share of fun, even when I was pressured to never ever talk about it. Jump forward to college, and maybe a year or two before starting the Shack Out Back! I finally started taking my life back and realizing that, hey...I want more out of my life! I got online for the first time with a WebTV device! Hehehe, that changed 'everything' for me. I was reborn at that moment. No more sneaking peeks in the showers, no more buying magazines or videos in the middle of the night, no more hiding it all. It was a huge revolution in me discovering who I was. And the Shack, talking to YOU guys in emails and on the board and writing my thoughts out in the stories? Yeah...that was the milestone that made me who I am today. I'm sure of it. I met some really good friends in those first few years. In real life. And I had fun, but something had changed. I don't blame them at all for what I was feeling...but I did experience some pressure to come out of the closet at the time. Online and offline. I remember being terrified of the idea, but being urged on by others who didn't think it would be any big deal. To me...it was a big deal. A HUGE deal! But I was ashamed to admit that to the folks who, essentially, were just trying to help me. I did manage to come out to my best friend at the time. Took a few tries and a LOT of tears on my end...but I did it. I don't regret it. But I did it under immense pressure. So I can't tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I forced myself into it, and I can't tell you whether I was ready for it or not. Live and learn, I suppose. (Don't worry! It went well, and he's still one of the best friends that I've ever had!) Then...some years ago...I met 'the one'. Hahaha! Awww, let me tell you guys something...nothing can break you down emotionally like meeting 'the one' can! It'll happen. Trust me. ::Blush:: Oh God...we were SO in love! We couldn't go 6 hours without smothering each other with love and giggles. Every day was a holiday. It was bigger and better than anything that I could ever write into a story. We were (and still are) a special kind of bonding that a lot of people will never experience and understand. I take pride in that. But I do remember having minor panic attacks over it. Because I wasn't willing to ever let him go. And that meant coming out. That meant telling my friends, and my family, and the world. It meant getting an apartment together and going out to dinner and a movie. It meant holding hands in the park and kissing in the mall. He means the WORLD to me. And that meant that all of my tension and fear about coming out was going to have to disappear. I wanted HIM! Nothing less would do. So, hehehe, I used to get short of breath at work and worry myself every night on how I was going to take my entire life and rebuild it to accept him as a part of it all. But that's what true love is all about, right? Anyway...yeah, I've been pressured to stay IN the closet, and pressured to come OUT of the closet...but it happens. I'm sure we all have personal feelings about the issue. It's a natural part of growing up for me. I just hope that I made the right choices along the way. Hey, I'm smiling right now. So I must have done something right. Hehehe!
  9. Billy 432 Is Up!

    A brand new chapter is up if you're interested! Please be sure to let me know what you think when you get a chance!
  10. Chapter 32

    Monday - Should I be hurt? Does it make any SENSE for me to be hurt? I mean, it's not like those stupid pictures mean anything. It could be an OLD set of pictures for all I know! Or Jimmy could have doctored it to make it look like something it wasn't. How can I trust a single word that comes out of that boy's mouth when I know what a manipulative LIAR he is? Right? Still... Trying to ignore them completely was like trying to mentally fight off a heavy dose of food poisoning by convincing myself that it wasn't really happening. The poison had already been administered, and it was taking effect whether I wanted it to or not. It was seriously cutting me to the bone. WHY??? I trusted Brandon! I had no reason not to. We already got past all the bullshit that was keeping us from being together. We went to the Hill and got all of those pesky secrets out in the open and promised each other that we'd be one hundred percent honest from now on in our relationship. We patched everything up, repaired the damage that had been done from not talking to one another for so long, and paved the way for a brighter future. Right? Brandon and I belong together. We just needed to connect and put how we felt into words that we could have faith in. A trustworthy bond that we could fully pursue without these silly tricks and stupid mind games constantly tripping us up, you know? But...I couldn't stop myself from looking at those pictures. When I got up early and went to work for Scott to train me on register this morning, I felt a bit nervous about how the whole day would go. I just wanted to concentrate and stay focused so I could make my manager proud. He had faith in me, so...I didn't want to let him down. When one of Jimmy's messages came in, I refused to read it. I just knew that I was going to get all flustered and upset and there was a chance that his bullshit was going to infect my brain and truly RUIN the rest of my day! So...I figured it could wait until I was on my way home. No need to let him and his 'look at me' depression screw me up before I was in the right state of mind to deal with him properly. Working the register was a little bit more complicated than I thought it would be. I mean, it wasn't hard or anything, just...there was a lot more involved than I thought there would be. Counting out change, and getting more money from the safe ahead of time before I ran out, and personal sign in codes, and coupon thingies...not to mention my receipt paper roll ran out twice and I kept having to change it at the last minute. I can see why Scott wanted to start me out so early in the morning when there weren't that many customers around. Ollie was there the entire time, trying to guide me on how to do things quickly, smoothly, and efficiently. He answered all of my questions, running his register and my register at the same time. But I was trying not to ask TOO many questions because I was afraid that it would make me look like I was stumbling. I can get this. I know I can. I just...need a little practice, right? Robin worked with us today. And, hey...guess what? He came into work looking sad. Like...'heartbroken' sad. Like we didn't see THIS coming? What the fuck? I honestly wasn't going to say anything, but Dizzy asked him why he was looking like somebody just ran over his puppy in the driveway, and Robin just shook it off, like, "I'm ok. It's nothing." I'm willing to bet that it's NOT nothing. I'd bet my next three paychecks that AJ is fucking around with other boys behind his back again. Because that's who AJ is! The second some random cutie catches his eye, he kicks into gear and he's in hot pursuit of getting another piece of ass, his supposed boyfriend's heart be damned! Robin KNOWS this? So why does he keep punishing himself by acting like he's surprised? AJ is never ever going to be his boyfriend. NEVER. There will never be a day where AJ will see any reason to be loyal to Robin's heart and make him his one and only sweetheart. When is he going to get that through his thick skull? Sometimes, you can feel lonelier with someone than you can without them. Whatever. Honestly, Robin knows how I feel about the whole situation. Frankly, I'm sick of even writing it in my diary. I'm just wasting what little space I've got left in this book before I have to go out and buy another one. In fact, he avoids me just as much as I avoid him these days. It's hard to talk to one another when this giant issue is sucking all the oxygen out of our every conversation. It's best for us to keep our distance for a while. I didn't want us to have a conflict over this whole thing, but I can't help but to think that every moment of affection he gives AJ right now enables him to do this to countless other gay teens so they can get their hearts torn up just as badly. AJ is emboldened now. Why would he ever stop when he never faces any real consequences for his actions? I need to find that Rodney boy he was dating so he can really put the screws to that son of a bitch even worse than before. I don't think I have ever HATED anyone more than I do the boy that took my virginity way back when. Mostly because I was horny and inexperienced and just wanted a boyfriend so badly that I would have settled for anybody who was willing to relieve that intense sexual tension! I'll admit that. But I know better now. And Robin should know better now too. We were duped. Staying by AJ's side, at this point, is nothing more than an exercise in self loathing at this point. So Robin and I don't have anything left to say to one another until he works that out in his head. It's just disgusting to watch, otherwise. Besides, I didn't need the drama today. I was trying to learn the register, DAMMIT!!! However...when I went to lunch... Ugh! I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have looked at Jimmy's message to me. But it was sent with this really smug smiley face in the subject header, and as much as I tried to block it out of my thoughts so I wouldn't be tempted to read it until I went home for the day...it just kept calling out to me. So...while I was on lunch, I started fiddling with my phone and decided to see what kind of ridiculous level of 'hate speech' Jimmy LaPlane had to give me today. When I opened the message, it was just three pictures that he took, himself, with his cell phone...and the short phrase... I tried to tell you. Don't kill the messenger. Looking at those pictures...staring at those pictures...I felt a hole being burned right through the center of my chest. A weight had suddenly been dropped on my shoulders without warning, and while I wanted to have the common sense and the confidence to ignore what I was looking at...it still hurt. It hurt so MUCH! Jimmy had taken pictures of Brandon...MY Brandon...having a good time and a bunch of giggles with his ex-boyfriend, Stevie. Not only sharing some quality time over lunch and stuff, but hugging one another! And even kissing one another on the lips! KISSING!!! What the fuck??? I remember closing my eyes and telling myself that the pictures weren't real, and that it was just another one of Jimmy's sinister little attempts to tear us apart! But...as I kept going back to the pictures...Brandon was clearly hanging out with Stevie in public. He was hugging him closely around the waist. He was kissing him on the lips. I mean, Jimmy wasn't making that part up. It definitely happened. That made me feel so nauseous inside. Why wouldn't Brandon tell me about this? Jimmy took this picture TODAY! Just this morning, in fact. Brandon could have told me that he was meeting up with Stevie today...for whatever reason. Not that there's much reason for him to get back in touch with that damn WEASEL, anyway! But, if he felt the need to go see him, that would have been fine. Why lie to me about it? Unless...all of these hugs and kisses mean more to him than I think it does. No. No, that's dumb. I'm not falling for it. Brandon and I are fine. So he met up with his ex-boyfriend today? So what? He's allowed to do that. I can be a stable boyfriend and let him have lunch with somebody that he used to lust after on a daily basis and has actually had SEX with, multiple times! Right? I can't just expect him to block Stevie out of his life just because he was so madly in LOVE with him at one time, right? I'm not jealous. I'm NOT! If I called Brandon right now...he would probably explain it all and make me feel better in an instant. Right? No problem. That was all I thought about on the bus ride home today. I was actually anxious to finally get home and rush through that front door so I could call Brandon up and speak to him, one on one, where we had enough privacy to talk. I know, I know...maybe I should just come right out and ask him what was up with him and Stevie hooking up today. I realize that trying to get him to offer up the information on his own is a bit of a 'test'...and we kind of agreed not to do that to each other anymore, but...fuck! I just wanted to know if he'd tell me. That's all. Then I'll drop it. Jimmy LaPlane will come off looking like an asshole, and Brandon and I will be stronger than ever! But...when I talked to my sweetheart...I didn't get the immediate answer that I was looking for. When I asked him what he did all day, he was like, "I don't know. Just hung out for a while. Nothing spectacular." Nothing spectacular? Well, I mean...he was obviously 'hanging out' with Stevie. He could just say that. I tried to give him a little nudge by asking, "Really? Just by yourself?" Brandon's like, "Yeah. For the most part." Then he changes the subject, like, "Say! How was the register gig this morning? Did you get a thumbs up from your boss or what?" Was he dodging me on purpose? What was he doing? I'm all like, "Yeah. There's a lot of extra stuff that goes into working the register that I didn't know before. So I can't claim to be a jedi yet, but I'm working on it." Then I gave him a little chuckle and asked, "Really though...did you even leave the house today? Summer's almost over. I'd think you'd want to get as much sunshine as you possibly could before we have to go back to school again." But he basically dodges the question again. He says, "I think I went out for a little bit during the morning. I spent most of my day cleaning my room though. Did some laundry before my dad got a chance to complain about it. I figured I'd get all of my chores done today so I wouldn't have anything holding me back when you and I got the chance to get together again. Hehehe! I'm definitely looking forward to it." Despite the flirtatious tone of voice, and the fact that Brandon's adorable flurry of giggles brought light to my dark and insecure mood before I called him up...I found myself sinking lower into a depressing mindset that kinda blindsided me out of nowhere. I thought about...Bobby Jinette. And how he kept telling me that there was always someone cuter. Someone more incredible. Someone that the love of my life would want more than he wanted me. I thought about Robin's sad face today, and the fact that he was totally faithful to AJ, even through abuse and rejection...and how his love for AJ didn't matter in the end. I thought about the way Sam longed for Joey to come back to him...but she just loves Jamie Cross more. He's blond. And hot. And...whatever. I even thought about my parents. How my mom was keeping secrets about her and Mr. Franks, and how my own father must have kept secrets from my mom before packing up a big truck and driving out of our lives forever. I mean...is love temporary? Can people just change their mind one day and stop giving a fuck? If so...is love worth it at all? Does it even exist? I'd like to say that I just came right out and forced Brandon to tell me the truth, but I didn't. I thought about it, but I wanted to collect my thoughts in a way that would be more of an approach than an accusation. But the more I tried to untangle my thoughts, the more tangled they became. Am I any different? I changed my mind on AJ at one time. Changed my mind on Bobby, on Lee, on Jimmy...hell, even had a pseudo girlfriend for a while. I get all angry and frustrated with Jimmy when he tortures me with his fucked up comments...but what would I do to Brandon if I find out that he has feelings for Stevie again? What will my reaction be if I call him out on it, and he tells me, "I'd rather be with Stevie"? What would I do? Do I break down? Do I cry myself to sleep every night for the next year and a half? Can I be angry at Brandon for doing to me the SAME thing that I did to Jimmy LaPlane? So much to absorb. So much to think about. I think I just need some time to think. To my future self, who I'm hoping will have much more time to analyze this and experience with situations like this, please...DON'T FUCKING YELL AT ME!!! Every time I think I've learned something about life, I find out that I have years and years worth of more relationship stuff to learn. I'm trying to do this the right way. And before I go ballistic on Brandon without a plan, I want to calm down and just...'think' for a minute. We worked sooooo hard to get where we are right now. I don't want one of Jimmy's bullshit games to destroy it all. Slow down, Billy. Slow down and get your head right. That's all for now. I don't want to write any more. I just... I LOVE you, Brandon! I do. You're all I've ever wanted. I just don't understand why you would do this to me. I don't get this at all. I'll talk more later. Until then...I just want to be alone for a while. What can I say? Bobby Jinette was right. There's always someone cuter than I am. And no matter how much my heart beats for Brandon, and Brandon alone...it won't really matter in the end. I can still end up alone. Gotta go. Later. - Billy
  11. I've got a scheduled 'ChatterBox' chatroom gathering scheduled for this coming Friday! I don't get to chat as often as I'd like, and when I show up, it's in the middle of the night and I miss you guys! Hehehe! But, this Friday, I'll definitely be there, and everybody is welcome to come and have some fun with us if you can drop by! K? Details here: https://www.voy.com/15900/87948.html Hope to see you there! And if not, I'll catch you next time! Bring your happy grins with ya! It will be good to meet some of you for the first time!
  12. I've got a scheduled 'ChatterBox' chatroom gathering scheduled for this coming Friday! I don't get to chat as often as I'd like, and when I show up, it's in the middle of the night and I miss you guys! Hehehe! But, this Friday, I'll definitely be there, and everybody is welcome to come and have some fun with us if you can drop by! K? Details here: https://www.voy.com/15900/87948.html Hope to see you there! And if not, I'll catch you next time! Bring your happy grins with ya! It will be good to meet some of you for the first time!
  13. Let me just say that I've really enjoyed the answers you guys have offered up lately. So much of what you guys have said about your own experiences has brought me right back to being in that same position growing up. Which makes it more honest than anything folks are liable to read online. So, thank you! I appreciate the contributions! Now, I'm trying to get at least six of these questions together so we'll have six months worth of articles to pot as a part of bringing Imagine Magazine back to life! But I'm going to personally push for TWELVE if possible! That would mean a whole year's worth of Shacker personal stories, ready to go. That would be awesome! We already have two ("Way Too Familiar" and "Did You Fight It?"), and I'll come back later on to repost the "What's My Line?" question to maybe give folks some idea on how to talk to that cute guy you've been staring at all day! Hehehe! There's three, and this is the fourth! We're 1/3rd of the way there! I'd LOVE to hear more! So here we go... "Push N' Pull" As many of us know, coming to terms with the idea that you might be 'different' from the world around you can be a challenge. And that's on a <em>personal</em> level. It takes time, patience, soul searching, and self awareness. However, there's another step after that. Now you have to get the rest of the world involved. Friends, family, schoolmates, co-workers...coming out of the closet is a new challenge in itself. One that should be tackled whenever the person in question feels that they're ready for it. The question is...have any of you ever felt PRESSURED when it came to your sexuality? Both ways. Some folks feel pressured to come out when they're not ready. Other folks feel pressured to stay <em>in</em> the closet when they <em>are</em> ready. What has been your experience with either side of the equation? (Or both, if it applies) Pressured to come out? Maybe you've got gay friends or family members that want to almost 'force' you out of the closet for your own good. Maybe you've got a boyfriend now, and he doesn't want to keep your relationship a secret anymore. Or maybe you've been bullied into it, or the rumor mill has betrayed you. Pressured to stay in? Maybe you've got homophobic parents or siblings that you don't think will accept you. Maybe you worry about your job, or your community, or your church. Perhaps the place where you live has made it 'unsafe' for you to come out as being gay, bi, or trans. Then again...maybe you've never felt any pressure on you one way or the other. If you're lucky enough to have had that experience...tell us that too! That's AWESOME! Let us hear about it! Those stories are definitely needed too! Of course, these answers are for public posting in a future issue of Imagine Magazine! (https://imagine-magazine.org/releases/) I believe the newest issues are down at the bottom of the screen and not the top. But go check out previous issues if you like! Anonymous replies are more than welcome! And if you don't want your answer posted, just let me know, and consider it done! K? Can't wait to hear your answers! I'll add my own answer this weekend!
  14. Okay...A Better Imagine Question...

    <p> I can remember it starting out as a bit of confusion. Mostly because I've always been a very, ummm...'introspective' kid, I guess. Even when I was five or six years old I knew that I was drawn to certain people above all others. Sometimes girls, sometimes boys. But everything felt natural to me, so I didn't think anything of it. Around the 6th grade, as soon as school started in the fall, I saw this boy 'Brice' in my first period class and wanted him immediately! Hahaha! Of course, back then, I rationalized it out in my head as, "He looks like he'd make a good friend." But looking back, yeah...he was super cute and I got infatuated. It wasn't until <I>other</I> friends and family and stuff started talking about gay people that I suddenly realized that there was supposed to be something wrong and inappropriate about what I was feeling. I honestly didn't understand at the time. I was an 80's kid, so nobody really blinked an eye when people used the word fag, faggot, Gaylord, etc. I just hadn't yet realized that those words were talking about ME. I even used them myself with my friends when we were ribbing one another. When I was about 12 years old, 'Stephen' came along (But you guys might know him as 'Ryan' from "New Kid"), and another boy named Gabe, and then there was another, and another, and another. To the point where I began to panic and didn't want any part of being different and abnormal and hated. I just figured I could hide it forever and not have anybody ever find out. Then...one night there was a show on HBO. I wish I remembered the name, but I don't. It was about gay people. Now, understand, at this point...the only thing that I knew about homo's were they were all sissies and wore tight leather stuff and costumes and had big mustaches. (Hehehe! Give me a break! I was LITTLE!) But I remember watching this show late at night n the living room, sitting right in front of the TV with the volume waaaaay down, in the dark, and keeping my hand on the remote through the whole thing, just in case one of my parents woke up and I had to change the channel in a hurry. I was sooooo scared, but I wanted to know! I had never seen gay guys be 'intimate' before. That blew my mind! I was breathless. Until that point, I thought being gay was just going to a bar and getting fucked on a pool table during an orgy while other people watched. NOT my thing at all. But this was different They were just normal guys. They kissed. And smiled. And cuddled on the couch. I knew that I was definitely bisexual then. I loved girls too...still do. But that one program exposed me to the idea that having a crush on another boy was just as normal and natural as it felt back when I was half that age. It felt good. It felt free. I lost my virginity to the boy next door when I was 13. Hehehe, lost my 'girl' virginity to his older sister shortly after that. But that's another story. And half way through the 8th grade, I had my first boyfriend, Jason. Gay feelings just became a part of my life after that. I still kept it a DEEPLY guarded secret, and still do in most situations...but fighting the actual feeling is no longer an option for me. Especially since the Shack and the stories came along. I can't say that I'm living out loud or anything, but there's no more conflict in my heart over who I am. Like...NONE! I'm proud to say that I know who I am. And despite a few awkward looks and hateful comments, I build myself a virtual paradise online where being myself is ok. I have friends now. Family. Support. I'm not a little boy watching a nearly muted TV special in the dark anymore. I'm 'Comicality'. Heh...how far I've come!
  15. Ok...so maybe my idea for last week's question was overly ambitious. And Super THANKS to you guys who answered anyway! I've saved your answers, and I might go back and ask the same question again later on to see if we can, maybe, get some more answers on how to talk to cute boys! Hehehe! It's something that I think folks could really benefit from. Because...loneliness. You know? Anyway, another question for Imagine Magazine, to be posted in a future issue. Anonymous posts are welcome. I just...I want you guys to speak up and be a part of the site. Everybody has a story to tell. So...what are you holding back for? Seriously! "The Shack is boring." Well, what have YOU, personally, added to it? What do YOU wanna talk about, you guys? I'm seriously trying here. ::Taps Mic:: Help us out? K...new question... When you first found out that you were gay, or bi, or trans...whatever, how did it affect you? How old were you when it happened, and did you reject the feelings inside when you discovered them for the first time? Did you feel bad about your attractions? Were you ashamed? Let us know what your earliest experiences were when it came to finding out that you were...'different'. As always, since this is for Imagine Magazine articles later on...anonymous posts are welcome! So let me know if you don't want your online 'nickname' attached to your post. Share your story! What do you think about this? Let us know! Seezya soon!

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