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Scary

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54 Getting There!

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About Scary

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    Member

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  • Age
    20
  • Location
    Germany
  • Interests
    Physics, Science-Fiction, Fantasy, Philosophy, the English language

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  1. Chapter 2: His house

    Was interesting.
  2. Compulsion And Resistance

    Nice chapter. I like the approach to 'magic' so far, like breaking into someone's mind to control them. With Nero I thought that phsyical contact was needed, but this shows that it also works without. Might depend on the 'spell' or power of the 'magician'? Please don't keep us waiting for too long, this is simply too good.
  3. What's next? -- After Veil of Shadow

    Though I am anxious for more Shay and Mira action, what I am most interested in is more writing from you, Stellar. So if you feel most comfortable writing that fantasy novel right now, go ahead! I have only read the first two chapters yet and I love it already.
  4. Where It Began

    Oddly enough, I only received a notification for the third chapter. So now I am getting treated to three chapters at once! And a fantasay novel from Stellar! Can it get any better? As to the contents of this chapter: 'Secret Moonlight' huh? Where could that name be coming from? And dragons, oh yeah! I LOVE dragons! The style is as always perfect and the scenes feel like exactly the right lenght. Also, your comment at the end of the chapter sounds like I have also not been notified of the release of a certain other story? Now you got my hopes up so there'd better be one when I go looking for it right after reading the next two chapters of this. Oh I am so excited!
  5. Chapter 18 The Portrait

    I think this is the best chapter so far. You had me laughing out loud at some points there. You really showed all your skill with the drinking part. I am so excited to read the other 60 chapters. ^.^
  6. Turbulent Times

    I like the idea of the story, but so far the delivery leaves a lot to be improved upon. I noticed three major issues with the writing, where you could say two of them are my subjective opinion but the third one is a common mistake coming from not revising the story and is just kind of sad. 1. It is common to switch POV during a story. But that should not happen as frequently as it did here. Using first person narrative helps a lot with making the reader feel closer to the narrator, which is then usually the main character. But getting only a few lines from every character prevents at least me personally from forming a connection with the characters. And if a connection is not established, the first person just feels weird. If you want to switch POV a lot, I suggest trying 3rd person narration. It would feel even more professional then to introduce changes of a scene through writing the place as a sub-heading, instead of the person who's POV is coming next. 2. I noted especially in the last scene, when Aaron tells the boys about Derek's death, that you didn't really add detail to the scenes. I was clearly expecting a description of at least Cam's reaction immediately after he was told of his father's death. Instead you just continued with Aaron talking again. This makes it feel like this whole chapter and tragic death of a person is just a setup to get two (gay) boys that are not genetically related to each other to live in the same house. There isn't really anything wrong with that and it seams like you invoked some kind of emotion in the other reviewers, but at least for me it was impossible to feel anything there because it happened all way to fast. The dialogue dominated the scenes while I had no clear picture of the scenery or the character's expressions and thus couldn't 'dive into' the story. 3. Please decide which tense you want to write in, and make sure you stay in that time. I know it is easy to slip from past into present, and the way the story is written, with that many POVs, I think present tense might even be more appropriate, but that's entirely your choice. Just make a decision and please give your story at least enough love to reread each chapter before posting and correct tense slips. Or try to find an editor who is willing to proof-read and correct your chapters. Okay, enough of that. I hope you take this as constructive criticism and don't let this dampen your enjoyment to write. I am not an author myself (yet), but I read a lot and make an effort to notice which features the stories I find the best usually share, which is where my above advice comes from. I will now go and read the second chapter and I hope you find my review helpful rather than annoying. Anyways please keep up the writing, I want to know where this story goes!
  7. Chapter Eight (Part #2)

    When the kiss happened, I thought "ok so Rob likes him too and they can be together now. Story over. Why was it even called 'Beards' then?" But Bryan blew it for some incomprehensible reason and now this is going to be fun.
  8. Being Cam

    A very sweet and short story that will make you feel good. Even though everything is kept brief, the scenes still feel vivid and suspenseful. Definitely worth the read.
  9. September 29th

    "Demisexual" - Is that actually a thing? Do we need a word for not being attracted to people we hardly know? It kind of reminds me of this "pansexual" which to me sounds like people saying they are better than others because they fall in love with the person, independent of their gender. But come on, eveybody falls in love with the person. :| Nice story so far though!
  10. Happy Birthday! Albeit a bit late.  While it is still early evening here, it is probably tomorrow in Deutschland!

    1. Scary

      Scary

      Haha yeah it is, still thank you very much. :D

  11. Chapter Seven

    This is like only being allowed to eat one piece of chocolate per day. The chocolate is nice but the moment you start to taste it on your tongue, it is already gone and you have to wait another day. Stupid short chapters. -,- But a great story!
  12. Chapter Six

    I kind of have to agree. But surely we will soon learn why Bryan is lovable?
  13. Chapter 9

    That they would fight was inevitable. I like that you put the effort in it to make it kind of reasonable. In most stories when the couple fights I feel like it is kind of artificial, if they'd think or talk to each other for a second the stupid misunderstanding that typically causes the fight could have been solved. Here, talking would have certainly helped as well, but I can understand why it didn't happen, and the whole thing actually kind of feels realistic. Good job!
  14. Chapter 5

    So I read up until before the hiking trip last night before going to sleep and I had a dream where they both were back to school but couldn't tell their girlfriends so they still had to make out with them... What I am trying to say is I hope they will be brave enough to at least break up with them.
  15. Chapter Four

    Short chapter, the dialog and everything feels very rushed. This shortness made it difficult to dive into the story. The plot itself is interesting, but I think this should not have been a whole chapter on itself. I for my part prefer to wait longer to also get longer chapters. Also means less cliffhangers. Well, let's see what the next chapter will bring.
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