I can't tell you just how much this was enjoyed. I cried, I chuckled, I mourned with John. I was completely caught off guard about Gordy being dead. I had gotten so caught up with John and Wylie that I missed all the signs. When I saw the words, "He didn't plan on getting killed," I died inside, I jumped up and scream "OH MY GOD!" about twenty times, ran out to the garage to cool off for a few seconds to collect myself before I could continue reading and tried to not cry (spoiler alert: I failed.)
I disagree with the others about Wylie. Let's be clear: raping John in a fit of drunken rage wasn't acceptable regardless of the circumstances. But, I can see how John would forgive him because, ultimately, had John found the courage in himself to accept himself and his mutual love for Wylie, none of it would have happened. I understood that point when John told Wylie that it could have been him in Wylie's situation. Wylie was the love of his life and that feeling was mutual. Sometimes, we hurt the ones we love even when we don't mean to. I dont' mean the rape. I mean the drunken games they played with each other instead of being truthful with each other. But, love makes you do crazy things.
Also, John did not rape Wylie. It was a brutal and painful fuck to be sure, but you can't ask to be raped and feel the same kind of violation when you're expecting it. If they both want to call that payback, that's fine. It seems to have worked.
I feel that this story is ultimately about John and Wylie falling in love and then re-finding that love ten years later. Yes, Wylie could have been more assertive but he had accepted his supportive role in John's life long before Gordy came along. Also, John did feel that little nagging feeling of cheating on Wylie when he first made love to Gordy.
I think Gordy knew that he was "taking" John from Wylie. And he knew should anything happen to him, he would do everything in his power to get the two of them to reconcile the two of them, hence the letters he left for the both of them. Not just John, not just Wylie. Both of them. If he didn't care about them, he wouldn't have left one for the both of them.
I think John's love for Gordy would have been a pale imitation of his love for Wylie over a longer period of time. He would have been with Gordy but still thinking about Wylie and wishing he could have done all those things with Wylie instead. In the end, Gordy's "love" with John was more infatuation that wouldn't have been as deep as Wylie's feelings for John. While I do feel John loved Gordy, I don't think he was as deeply invested emotionally with Gordy as he was with Wylie. And he wanted that door opened that he thought was closed forever. It's a sad example when two people don't communicate and convey their feelings honestly. John has many opportunities to approach Wylie and tell him what happened on that fateful night but he kept it to himself. A lot of this is Fate, in my opinion. Had John told Wylie the next day about the rape, Wylie probably would have ran away in shame and despair over what he did to his love. But everything came out at the right moments and all of that is due to Gordy's influence on the both of them.
John and Wylie will take time to heal together. But their love endures. They have many happy years ahead of them as long as they learn the lesson Gordy taught them.
This will go down as my most favorite gay love story I've ever read. I only wish it was made into a screenplay in the future and seen as a movie (though, the rape scenes could be a little dicey.)
Or, I'm crazy and I missed the whole point. Who knows? lol