Entry Six: Kings Of The Castle
13th May 1991
Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy, OOOHH BOY… Sigh.
Okay, I need to calm the hell down before I can actually write anything. I Just stop writing and breathe for a minute.
Okay, that didn't exactly help, but hey I’m excited and happy and…. yeah, I’m happy.
I can’t believe what Ross did today. It's like Christmas came early, or it's like I just got the best birthday present ever. Okay, so…. relax Adam…. Just take a minute. I have no idea why I’m writing just breathe to a diary- like that is going to help. Paper has gotta know a thing or two about breathing or well at least it did know before a chainsaw was taken to the tree.
Oh god… How do I write this? How do I even comprehend how to say this. It's like a bus hit me with a fuuuump of happiness. If a mental hospital could only see me now they would probably class me as being a threat to the general public. I’m actually smiling at the journal, and it's so… soo… so… hard to get the words from my mind to the paper but I’ll give it a try.
Okay… so… I was just getting out of the shower this morning ahead of time. I didn’t have any plans as such but I knew I was going to meet up with Ross later in the day to hang out for a couple of hours or even the entire day if he really wanted to do it. I didn’t have any problems or complaints about that. Is it weird that I'd rather be around Ross than being around Carl? I’ve known Carl since first class or was it Senior-Infants. Maybe longer but the point is, I rather spend my time with Ross than I would my best friend.
So, as I was saying I just got out of the shower, and I was in the process of drying myself in my bedroom. I was going to knock over to Ross around lunch because I disturbed him early yesterday-so I thought it would be best to let him chill and sleep in. Besides dad asked me last night to help him with clearing the shed out so that he can put up new shelves - and organize things within the shed because everything is just fired into it after we’ve used it.
Mam has been on his case about not keeping it clean so he must think that this will fix all the problems. I know my dad and the first shovel he uses he’ll place it by the door and not on the rack he screwed to the wall. Then the cabinet that mam doesn’t need but wants to keep will evidentially somehow end up in there too at some point in time. I just know that after a while the entire room will be back to square one in a couple of months.
I finished drying and I started to get dressed when the doorbell rang and I didn’t think much of it. I just continued to dress, and I thought that I had other stuff to do before I was going to meet up with Ross, but instead, he came to me. Can you believe that he knocked for me?
I didn’t have to knock for him or we didn’t end up not meeting at all. He knocked at my door and asked if I was coming out. Okay, that was totally cool and really sweet to be honest. It made my day. When my mam roared up the stairs, it had me worried that I forgot to clean something up or forget to do something she asked me to do. She shouted, "Adam, downstairs now."
My heart was in my throat while descending down the stairs. I decided to finished dressing before I sauntered barefoot down the stairs to see what punishment, I was going to be stuck with for not doing something that she probably told me or probably not told me to do.
But when I got to the bottom of the stairs I was relieved to see him truth be told. Not because I like him, not like him as a friend. I think I like him more than a friend… you know, “like-like” him. He’s special somehow; everything he does makes me feel funny inside. There’s like this tingling feeling in my stomach and this pressure of worry in my chest. It's like I want to paint a perfect picture of who I am for him, even though I am nothing special. Sure, I’m confident about what I can do and I’m happy but I feel like I can do better. It's like a promise to myself that I can do better. So, I promise to myself that I’ll do better, at just about everything to make him really like me. Because if he liked me he’ll never hate me- right.
Anyway, I saw him standing between the doorframe for the sitting room and my heart skipped a beat and I think I froze on the stairs for a minute and gave him a toothed smile, which must have looked a little dazed. But hey I was, but he didn’t seem to mind it, he just smiled right back at me. That smile is something special, it's something I would love to see for the rest of my life if I ever got- to spend my life with Adam. That is if I’m always going to be like this, and I think I am. Because girls haven’t made me horny yet… and I’m not sure If they ever will but boys do. But Ross is different, sure I felt a little ehem naughty when he first arrived but now it almost feels wrong to do it to him.
He stood there like an angel and asked with my mam present in the hall, “do I want to go swimming.” and “Sure,” I said. I didn’t even batter an eyelid. He gave a proud smile and I started back up the stairs and moment later he followed behind me. I began to pack up what I needed for the afternoon down by the waterhole where we all go, I was looking forward to us all going swimming. I'd get to eye all the boy's semi-naked but Ross… Ross is off limits, he was special. I packed up a towel and swimwear as Ross came into my room and he just looked at it with a childlike wonder while I rummaged about looking for a bag.
Out of the frustration, I blurted out, "are the guys going to meet us there.” It took less than a second for Ross’s response to bless my ears. He said, “I was hoping that just me and you could go swimming.” I didn’t have any objections but it somehow felt weird to accept such an invitation without the lads. I have always gone swimming with the boys. I have never missed an afternoon with them, but it really surprised me when Ross asked if we could go to the castle that we had all been at the previous day. What is so special about the castle.
Even though we never swam their I decided that a once off would be kinda cool to do and with that, I agreed, then the both of us headed downstairs. I only forgot about my plans with my dad, but by the time I came downstairs mam had already- talked to dad about the situation and they both thought that it was a good idea that I get out of the house for a couple of hours, and so I did.
We took my bikes. The one I lent to Ross the first time I lent it to him again and the both of us took off with the castle in mind. He already had his bag packed which was adorable.
He planned it all prior to meeting me and I was useless to resist his affections.
When we pulled up to the dirt track that leads up to the small creek where the castle is.
We wheeled our bikes up and dropped them beside the castle. I was forever grateful that the guys nor a group of teenagers were here, and the lake was as peaceful as I had ever seen it. There was not a soul in sight, the water was a smoggy blue, and the temperature was rising as the early hours clocked towards lunch.
We each took turns, either one still a little too shy to pull any funny stunts but the vibe was there that the both of us were alone, and that it was a secret to just the both of us. He went and changed first just out of view behind the castle, when it was my turn I took out my swim trunks and I did the same and changed where he had done so. When I got back he was about knee deep in water. He had these cute blue board shorts on and his skinny figure was a sight; I had seen a couple of the guys shirtless sometimes times, and I had seen Ross once naked but I was glad to see that I was not the only one on the skinny side. I could see the impressions of his ribcage pushing against his skin and that made his nakedness cute in some form.
I placed my clothes in the top of my bag and I dashed out towards him. The two of us splashed about and then started swimming around leisurely. It was a fun time and I would happily do it again. There was no malice in the act, just two boys enjoying the peace and the company of each other- as we swam about and talking about movies, and what he wanted to do with his life after he left school in a couple of years. He said that he would like to become an architect, and of course, I told him that he would be awesome for it. Even though I don’t know if he can draw or not. It still felt like the best thing to say in the moment anyway.
After a while, we got out and got dried and dressed and sat by the lake talking about what his parents were doing in London. He had told me that they were on business the first time I met him, but a whole lot more came to light when he said his parent might be getting divorced and that is why he was here. So that they could go about dividing what they own without having their son come between them. He asked me for some guidance and I didn’t quite know how to respond. He asked me, “my mum and dad are settling things between each other, but how do they divide me.” Somewhere along the line, I felt a little insecurity on his half that I haven’t found before- and that made the rest of the day somewhat a bummer.
On the way home, we decided to part ways and that we’d talk tomorrow. I agreed but said that if he needed someone to talk to that I’m here for him. That seemed to ease his mind earlier and the both of us parted ways.
When I got back inside it was almost time for dinner, but I still had time to shower again, and so I did. After I got dressed, I pulled all the stuff out of my gym bag but I found a pair of underwear in it. A pair of boxers that were not mine and my only conclusion was that they were Ross’s. I felt like this left me in an awkward situation. Did he put them in my bag on purpose? And if so what do I do with them, do I keep them or do I try to give them back to him. Who knows but this is going to be awkward as hell. I said I wouldn’t do anything thinking of Ross, but this find has gotten me a little undue attention that I can’t get rid of.
So, to my word I’m going to call it a night and jerk of thinking of some boys from school I guess…
I’m still happy how the evening turned out, but what is tomorrow going to be like.
Night, a happy, horny, confused Adam.