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7 I Have Something To Say

About JeffsFort

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  1. The Newest Question For Imagine Magazine...

    Unfortunately, I perceived a real pressure to stay in or risk losing the friends I had. It was funny because my introduction to sex was by two older boys when I was really young so, when they decided it was time for it to end, I was both hurt and confused. So it seems that somehow what we were doing was wrong? I already knew that our fathers would hurt us if he found out we were swiping their dirty magazines but, when we stopped because one boy simply stated “I have a girlfriend now...” that suddenly it just wasn’t right, and something that had to stop. I clearly got the message that it was okay in secret if friends who both want to look at the adult stuff together do it with each other. It’s even okay if they help each other out if they are close enough. As long as it didn’t get “too gay”. You also had to walk into that knowing at some point that it was going to end and if you wanted to keep that friend, it had to be no big deal when it did. I would mess around with a few friends, develop a secret crush on each one and because they were open to it, mess around with them sexually and pretend it was mutual. But the second a girl came into the mix, it was all over. By my late teens, I simply gave up on anyone accepting me as a gay male and being interested in a loving relationship that would last. It was only with other teens too. There was one adult when I was still preteen but that got violent and hurt me so I never felt that way toward an older male again. It was miserable and lonely but, I had friends and most of my family was there for me so, I felt I had a lot to lose if I came out. So I just didn’t. It wasn’t until I turned 30 that I finally told my family and close friends. It took a while for my family to get used to the idea but, I was still just “me” to them. In some areas I began to make sense to them now. Some of my friends didn’t take the news well, even started bashing me behind my back (so they thought) so, I did lose some friends along the way. That was what I expected though so, it sucked to not be proven wrong. Today, I’m careful but I don’t hide it from anyone. Granted, I don’t give any real reason to be questioned either. I recently had a coworker tell me a gay joke and laughing he said “I hope you’re not gay.” and I laughed back I replied “I am but that was funny.” Then continued the conversation. It’s not the 80’s anymore and I believe most of the people around us know that anyone could be gay so they aren’t as shocked when they learn that you are. Sure, good old fashioned homophonic people are still out there but, I don’t care what they think of me anymore. Not like when I was a kid... *HUGZ*
  2. Okay...A Better Imagine Question...

    Hiya Comet! So, I've been reading these posts and day to day life keeps getting in the way of answering. I really admire the work you've been putting in and have put in for **grumble, grumble** years... Hehehe! My answer to this question is part of the reason I ended out online, and why I surrounded myself with people who felt as I did when I absolutely couldn't do the same in real life for many years to come. There are two layers to my answer though. I was introduced to gay sexual play when I was only 8 years old. What happened originally, I walked in on two older friends looking at a dirty magazine, with their hands down the front of each other's pants. Instinctively, I swore to never tell and tried to leave. That's when one of them suggested that if I looked too, then I couldn't tell on them. Now, one of these boys was as close to me as family and the other his best friend. At 8-years-old, I idolized these boys and since my home life was pretty awful, attention from them meant the world. Besides, I was curious as to what they were doing anyway. So, I looked. It was pictures of naked women with combinations of men and women engaged in doing the nasty. At first, I thought the pictures were stupid (Hey, I was 8) but what got me was what my friends were doing and how much they seemed to like it if someone else touched them. I learned what masturbation was and how to do it, I learned what a blowjob was and how they were given and I got a crash course on what sex was. I got aroused but what excited me most was the fact that my friends, these older boys (10 and 11) included me and liked me enough to let me play too. I didn't know what gay was and I didn't care. I do remember wondering why they even needed the pictures. I rarely looked at them, watching the action right there in the room was way better. Once I offered to mimic some of what we saw on them, it started a trend of us helping each other out. Still, I loved them both and would have done anything they asked. Not once did either force me to do anything and not once did I need to be asked if I wanted in. Sounds great, right? I had really become dependant on these two as an outlet and it sucked when we went for long periods of time without going there. One time not long after my 10th birthday, after being separated from them for a few months, I found an adult family member who I "accidentally" learned liked many of the same things we did and in the one time that it turned into us helping each other out, he cornered and hurt me to get what he wanted. (Like I said, not a great household. I'd never trust an adult male in a position where I was so vulnerable again.) The last time we went out there for a visit (I was almost 16 at this point), the boy who was like family had found a girlfriend and couldn't be bothered anymore. The other boy, now 19 at this point hung out with me at his house for the last time as he planned to go into the Army. Our last time together was the last time I didn't regret how I felt about a teen male. I realized that they were moving on and even though that last day was mind-blowing, it would be the last time for many years that I wouldn't feel like an outcast because of how I felt. They moved on and I expected to do the same. Unlike them, I never grew out of that phase and crush after crush on best friends would hurt deeply because I learned that being gay was something bad in the eyes of others. I had heard the tauntings of children before. "Fag", "Faggot", "Fairy", and "Homo" were insults you never wanted to be applied to you. So, I went from blissfully enjoying myself openly with two boys I loved in every way I knew how. to pretending to be like everyone else just to fit in. It was a horrible time and one that started the downward spiral of self-hatred that would overshadow most of my young adulthood. To this day, I have never found someone I would consider a partner in this life. Family and close friends know the whole story now, the one I hid for almost three decades. But by the time I realized that the term "Gay" actually applied to me, I fought against it as hard as I could for fear that I would become labeled and hated. I would look at it as a cruel joke the universe was playing on me. So, I learned to like sexual contact with older peers in my pre-teen years. As a teen, I would learn that I was the round peg that life was trying to stuff into a square hole, and did what I could to become the square peg. As an adult, I understand why I hated who I was and regret so much lost time trying to be someone who I absolutely was not. Seeing so many younger adults being true to themselves today, I envy them and sometimes even wish I had been born a couple of decades later than I had been. As always, I share this because some may understand already and some may better understand why not too long ago, being yourself really could be something you could be hated for. Today, I care a little less about acceptance and a lot more about finding the things that make me happy. Hope you all are doing the same. *HUGZ* -JeffsFort-
  3. Imagine Magazine Question For June

    Got the email announcing this thread yesterday, and didn't intend to reply but it got me thinking about the topic and how many weird, fond memories it brings up for me. I started acting out sexually at an inappropriately young age with older teens and enjoyed the attention and the feeling of being liked and wanted. It wasn't so much sexual as it was an extreme need for that kind of attention from a particular person. For me that one person that I realized I couldn't get out of my mind was a kid named Shawn in the fourth grade. I started playing after school baseball (That I didn't even enjoy at first) just to spend more time with him. We hung at his house when we could and because he had made one comment about someone being "kinda gay", I never told him that I was more than "kinda gay". It all remained very innocent until the first time I slept over his house (a couple of years later when we were about 11 or 12, we both had pretty messed up households so, it rarely happened) and learned that he had a little stash of porn mags. I couldn't have cared less about the naked women in the pictures but, as I had learned years earlier with the older boys; just hint that you want to "just look" and it more often than not leads to a little fun with a straight friend when the images begin to have their affect. It killed me to have to pretend to be uninterested in him but, the memories of that one sleepover are still burned into my memory some 30 years later. Wonder where he is today... Cool topic Comet *HUGZ*
  4. I've Been Thinking About Something

    Sounds fun "His eyes were bluest blue I have ever seen. The shade of blue that in comparison would make the sky or the ocean green with envy."
  5. GFD Blood Bank

    You know, I've been on that mailing list since it was created and never realized the archivist has no links back to the site. I'll make sure to send him an email and ask him to edit his templates... As for not being able to find any links, I sorta know why it's like that. "shackoutback.net" was donated to Comicality for somewhat of a pet project testing ground. It's no secret that Com very much supports GA for what they stand for and does all he can to ensure GA has his work exclusively as a "Thank-You" for the many years of hosting GA has given him. That being said, The Blood Bank was never intended to steal the focus of "The Shack Out Back" it simply exist in it's shadow and be a little bit more interactive. It's a FanSite, without a doubt and just isn't linked to out of respect to his host. I do have a link to it on my own website since Comet is a friend and I am a HUGE fan and I know a few other sites that linked the same way and for the same reason So I guess the easy answer to the lack of links is that you are looking in the wrong places. Look more to the fans for links to the blood bank, not to the source of the stories. In a backwards kinda way, it makes sense...kinda Hope that helps a little. - Jeff -
  6. Disappearance...

    Aw man... You know I think it's just that time of the year. I'm falling so far behind on absolutely everything. I also work for an ungrateful group of... Ok, here isn't the place to bring them up but, I'm sure most of your readers understand. Feedback... I so suck. (Hehehe) I read the last GFD, took three sittings thanks to exhaustion but, I swear I read it! I even thought about firing off an Email and demanding another chapter cause I miss my marathon GFD reading Although you did mention Savage Moon in this post... How bout both? *Giggle* No, I'm not too greedy My point is, I really meant to email and tell you that I loved the last chapter, I just got buried and it slipped under the pile. Poor excuse but, I bet there are a ton more out there who have done the same thing. (Probably also slapping themselves in the forehead after reading this post too) I'll tell you something right now though... I read absolutely everything you write, have for a long time now. If ever you write something that "Sucks" trust me, I will be in touch with you. (Mostly to see if you're ok or just off your game.) I promise. So far, the only thing you ever wrote that even came close to sucking was that April Fools Day short story, and even that wasn't without it's humor. (Had me wondering about your sanity throughout the read though ) So, I'm sending a *BIG HUG* and a thank you for your hard work, in real life and on the sites and forums and chat and... For everything that you are in my life and have been for years. You are the one voice in the many that so many of us just couldn't live without. Never forget that... Love Ya Comet! *HUGZ* - Jeff - (P.S. - I still have a ton of work to do for you on my desktop )
  7. Is sex absolutely necessary?

    I agree with all comments so far, with one exception... I don't skip past anything in a story. I very much want to try to experience a story as it is seen in the mind's eye of the author. There have been times when not skipping the section destroyed the read and I put it down. It's just the way I am. If I can't enjoy the entire work, I'll just go searching for one I can. I mean if I go out and buy a 400 page book, but 200 pages is garbage... I'm not gonna endorse the book... Even if the other 200 pages is good. Granted, I'm picky... LOL!
  8. Sunday, May 28th

    NO WARNING??? Oh man, think you could work with us here? I mean, maybe a small heads up or something? Cause now I have to order the cake, get that whole "Killed by the every day grind" cuteness out of the closet and dusted off (Oh yeah, pun intended there ) Not to mention charging up the batteries for the camera... These things take time and planning ya know. *GIGGLE!* *HUGZ*
  9. Updated Stories ;)

    OMG... I gohts da spelchek. onlee wurks if yoo yoos it! Well, there he goes again, selling himself short. Geeze... Got like a cult following and thinks he's some sort of hack writer. I'm upset now and going to find CAKE!!! (Knew I'd find a reason to get more ) Just kiddin Com! Luvz Ya and you aren't exactly the easiest act to follow. I'm so excited for my turn, and nervous at the same time *HUGZ*
  10. Sunday, May 28th

    Hmmm... Ur gonna give us notice on that holiday, right? Cause you know, I gotta get the day off work, maybe a couple if I'm lucky... Or um... Get lucky Hehehe!
  11. Sunday, May 28th

    On Duty? I thought it was a holiday? I mean I got my cake, I lazed around, did some reading... Um... Got some more cake... Hehehe! Does that count?
  12. Sunday, May 28th

    Yup you read that right! CAKE DAY!!!. It was decided by Comsie himself in chat last night. You are hereby required to go out and get some cake. Oh, and if you have never seen The Simpsons, you are further required to go out and rent it, Season 4 or 5 are preferred here, and watch The Simpsons while eating the cake. No, I'm not kidding. (Not even a whole cake, just enough to say, "Wow....I just ate cake") Why? Cause Comsie said so... Geesh *You never know what kind of crazyness escapes from the Saturday Night Chats * *Random Cake Holiday! (Email sent out By Comsie!) That's right dammit! I said 'Random Cake Holiday'! Hehehe! Don't ask any questions, don't worry about the rhyme or reason WHY you should do it...just DO IT! We had a conversation in the chat tonight, and this lack of cake is just unforgivable. So today, Sunday, I want each and every single person reading this, to go out somewhere and find yourself a piece of cake to eat! I don't care HOW you get it, or WHAT kind of cake it is! But there are just way too many people who have gone TOO long without having a piece of cake! You can laugh all you want! Feel silly doing it! I don't care! Whatever! Just go out, find some cake, and enjoy it for the simple fact that you CAN! And I'm not talking about some moldy old store bought sliver of cake that you can buy for a quarter at the counter of your local gas station! I mean actual *CAKE*! Go to a bakery, go to a neighbor's house, hit up the old lady that does volunteer work at the resource center in your area, bake your own and give half of it away to someone else who doesn't have cake, play your Cake cd on your car radio..whatever...but don't you DARE let the sun set without getting a taste of that sweet sweet cake goodness! C'mon...don't you want some CAKE??? I do! The only time we get to have cake is at weddings, birthdays, Bar Mitzvahs, bachelor parties, and occassionally during some kinky sex fetish game with a stripper who doesn't mind getting covered in frosting. And that's just wrong! So if you needed a reason to eat cake, then here it is. It's cake day. GO! Get some! Enjoy it! Do it for the simple fact that you have absolutely NO reason to do it other than I told you so! Hehehe! Savor it! Shit....I'm going to get mine as soon as I get up tomorrow! Believe me! Mmmm cake... Spread the word! And when you bite down into that soft delicious bread....you scream out to the world, "I've got CAKE bitches!!!!!!"

    *HUGZ* Hope you have the best !!!
  14. A story of mine

    {{{jesse_boi89}}} This is one of those "God I wish this was more than just the internet" times. A real hug is what I wish this post was. Offering a hand instead of just offering inspiration in what ever way possible through typewritten text. Please keep us informed Jesse... We're all prayin for you!!!
  15. we love " gone from dailylight" -

    Well, if i may be so bold, Since I'm a newbie here too "WELCOME TO THE CAFE"! I know Comsie has been really busy, so make sure to keep an eye out as I'm sure he'll want to say Hi To answer your question... Yes, Gone From Daylight is an ongoing series, so there are many more adventures to look forward to with our favorite "HalfLife" gang. We are all dying to see the next chapter. Hehehe... BTW - No worries about your english. Your message got through clearly. When it comes to compliments regarding an authors work, they usually get the message loud and clear. Here's to the next chapter *HUGZ*

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