Left Without Words - 2. Chapter 2

I could hardly sleep that night.

There was this huge rush of unstoppable 'puppy love' energy that surged through me all night long. The kind of renegade energy that envelops your every thought, every dream, every breath, until it exhausts your every ability to fight it off with any level of rational thought or common sense. I was literally up almost an entire half hour before my alarm clock went off. On a SUNDAY, no less! The only reason I set it at all was because I wanted to make sure that I'd be dressed and all dolled-up for Deme at the restaurant right after the lunch rush had died down a bit. It would be a bit more, you know...intimate then. Just him and me. Hehehe! I got a giggly feeling inside just thinking the words to myself. That first really big teenage crush...there's nothing like it in the world. You feel like a freshly shaken bottle of carbonated soda, just waiting to burst and overflow with emotions that you can no longer contain. I was so crazy over this boy that I hardly knew what to do with myself. I thought of him every fifteen seconds at least, smiling, thinking about the way his words sounded when he invited me to lunch. To COOK for me, no less. Sighhhh...he was so cute when he said it. And that little accent of his...oh wow...I simply dissolved into a blithering idiot whenever I heard his accent. It was charming and lovable beyond words. If I closed my eyes, I could still hear him talking.

I never wanted this feeling to end. I could float away and never come down, the way I felt at that moment.

I went to take a shower, making sure to look extra clean for my...um...'engagement'. Hehehe, well, it's not really like a dinner date or anything. But it felt like one. I stripped in front of the bathroom mirror, examining myself, even posing a little bit to see how I might look from different angles. I matted down my red hair a bit to try to make it look a bit less like a fiery tantrum and more like...me. I didn't want it looking messy or anything. At least the shower would take care of some of that. I had a few nearly invisible freckles over my nose, but doubt that Deme would notice. I couldn't do anything about them if he did. My other 'parts' were in order. Not too bad. It's not small...I don't think. I haven't seen too many others to compare. But I'm a nice size. Definitely something that Deme could work with if he had to. Um...not that I was going to walk into the restaurant with my WANG hanging out! But...it was nice to know that I was hanging right. In case of emergencies. You know how it is.

I finally climbed into the shower after spinning to take a nice look at my ass in the same mirror. It was tiny. I couldn't help it. I had a tiny ass, and kind of flat at that. But it wasn't all that bad either. Just...you know...little. Maybe there's some kind of exercise that I can do to make it 'sexier' or something. I should ride my bike more. That'll do it, right? Bike riders and tree climbers have the best asses ever. Umm, wait...OK...I'm just being stupid now. I should just take my shower and go before I end up thinking about wearing some weird brand of metrosexual make-up to bring out my cheekbones! Blechhh! I'm gay, but I'm not THAT gay!

I felt the warm water gently cascading down on my face, closing my eyes and feeling my muscles relax. My mind was freestyling on a plethora of different subjects, my brain flooded with so many thoughts at once that none of them really came to any kind of real clarity before evaporating into nothing. None except for the very vivid images of Dimitry that stayed with me the entire time. Just being there, thinking of him, knowing that I was going to see him soon...it was a confusion that I could actually feel physically. My body would actually experience tremors in anticipation, the mere thought of him translating itself into a concrete action that I couldn't escape from. When I concentrated hard enough on him, it felt like he was right there with me. I could feel his presence, hear his sweet voice, smell the subtle humanity of his breath, see his face glowing with the most beautiful smile that I've ever been exposed to. It was so real that I could feel myself getting uncontrollably hard in the shower.

Shit...it was going to be a problem for me all damn DAY if I didn't take care of it. It almost felt wrong to think of Deme that way so soon. To just use him for a jack off session and be done with it. Somehow, the few precious moments that he spent as a part of my life seemed much more important to me than that. Something inside of me wanted to put him on a pedestal above the nameless, faceless, personality deficient, cuties that I see in the mall or on TV. The ones that I lust over so endlessly. Deme was so much better than all of them in my mind. He was like this uncensored manifestation of true love in a form that I could appreciate and care for whenever I brought him to mind. It was almost like owning a piece of him through my own memories...when, in truth, it was Deme that owned a piece of me. Inspiring infatuated visions of himself through my love starved mind. God...it felt so good to be trapped in his enchanting embrace.

Standing in that shower, I let my imagination flirt with light touches of his smile. Nothing more than a few flashes of his eyes. That alone was enough to get me hard. A part of myself kept telling me that I shouldn't be doing this. That I should just think of somebody else and leave Deme out of my mental 'perv account'. But the images only got stronger, and once I touched myself, no one else seemed to do the trick. Deme was the only boy on my mind.

I could almost feel his arms wrap around me as I imagined the feel of the warm water were his light fingerprints, touching me all over my body. I was so stiff that it hurt, and I had to relieve myself. There was no stopping the process now. I held onto it, bending it downward a bit to prepare for action, and started to stroke tenderly as Deme's beauty flooded my mind.

Wow...his kisses were so gentle, his hands were so soft, his lips were so determined...I did my best to tame my thoughts a little bit, but once I passed the point of no return, my mind went to acts of sensual passion that wouldn't be denied. Tongues licking, lips sucking, hands roaming, fingers probing, bodies twisting...it didn't take me long at all.

I turned to splash my fluids all over the shower tile beside me, my knees rattling with weakness, holding back my gasps and whimpers so that no one walking past the bathroom could hear my cries of passion. The orgasm was so strong that my vision actually blurred, and it took me a minute or two to get my eyes focused again. Geez! If Deme can have that effect on me without him even BEING here, imagine what he could do in person.

I cleaned up once I caught my breath and felt my body relax, and then stepped out of the shower to get dressed. The rush was so strong that I was still trembling when I put my boxers on. I certainly hope that this mind-blowing experience will help to keep 'Little Shane' from getting me into trouble this afternoon. I'll be a lot more at ease without being so...um....loaded.

Getting dressed was a whole other ordeal. Making sure my colors matched, making sure my colors matched my eyes, making sure my hair didn't look like shit, trying to look dressed up without looking like I TRIED to dress up. It's times like these that I envy the people who don't give a fuck how they look. I never did before. Not really. Then again, I never had anyone to 'model' for before. I went downstairs, making sure that I skipped any kind of random snack food on the way out the door. Just a glass of orange juice and a half packet of breath mints. After all, my new sweetheart is cooking me lunch today. Hehehe, my sweetheart, yeah right.

I actually decided to walk today instead of riding my bike. I guess I just felt like it, you know? Every step that I took in the direction of that restaurant made my heartbeat double in speed. It was fun at first, experiencing that wonderful feeling of nervous twitches and spontaneous grins. It felt like the answers to every dull moment, every lonely pause in life, every terrifying question...was all wrapped up in one beautiful package and handed me in a single box. And I was finally heading in its direction. But...as the distance between myself and my house got longer...and the distance between me and my 'day date' with Deme got closer...that happy feeling got much much worse. It turned cold all of a sudden. Doubt crept in. Fear. I could literally feel my steps getting more awkward and lopsided by the second. My hands felt like they were HUGE, and didn't have any place on my body anywhere.

My hair felt wrong. My clothes felt wrong. My voice felt wrong. It was as if I was physically falling to pieces as I prepared to stand in the shadow of greatness. My mouth went dry as I got ready to cross the street and go in through the front door. My palms were sweating and I had to wipe them off on my pants legs to keep them from being drenched and clammy when I saw him. My lungs seemed to only hold a fraction of the amount of air that they usually did, and the pit of my stomach constricted itself into a tight knot that nearly caused me to double over in pain. This seemed like such a good idea before I actually GOT here.

I was thankful that the traffic was enough to delay me from crossing the street for a few seconds. But once I saw a break in the string of cars from both directions, I knew it was time to either straighten up and try to make a go of this...or run screaming in the other direction and create an excuse that will buy me enough time to gather some more courage later. What if he hated me? What if he liked me? What if he only likes me because he doesn't know me, and then hated me once he found out what I was like? What if he likes me, but isn't gay, and I'm stuck with a 'friend' that I can never have? The spinning cyclone of questions is enough to drive you crazy if you let it. Because...bottom line...not a single one of those questions can be answered until you take that first step forward. So...

...Looking both ways for the next break...I took that first step forward. I crossed the street...and I walked up to Milo's front door.

Deme's miraculous form was the first thing that caught my eye as I came in from outside. He was ringing up someone for their take out dinner at the time, his head slightly down to look at the keys on the register. He was wearing black slacks and a black short sleeved t-shirt, covered by a gleaming white apron that looked like he had just bought it, new, less than ten minutes ago. So clean, with the fold marks still in it. I just stood there, letting my eyes focus on him completely for a moment while he wasn't looking. Sighhhh...wow...as scary as it was to even be NEAR him, it was always worth the terror that it took to get me there. Just to stare lovingly at his dreamy features through the soft, see-through, curtain of dark hair that would flutter gently downward into his eyes every time he leaned forward. Look at his smooth fingers, his hands, his shoulders, his neck, his lips...wow. Just letting my hand rest on his chest would be more excitement than I could handle. My whole body came to life, every inch of me seemingly wanting to scatter in different directions before he saw me. But it REALLY went haywire when the man at the counter walked away with his food and Deme looked up to smile in my direction. I'm surprised that I was still able to breathe.

"Shane! Good. I am glad you came." His smile was blinding, his voice as light and pleasant as ever. He walked around the counter to greet me and I felt a momentary panic rush through me. Almost as if I was afraid of him touching me...even though his touch would be everything I've ever wanted in this world. I don't think I was scared of HIM really. It was more like being scared of the loss of all control that he caused in me whenever he was this close. It almost caused me to jump back.

I reached out a hand to shake, but he HUGGED me instead! Definitely a custom of an incredibly affectionately family. NOT that I was complaining.

I think I might have accidentally gasped out loud in surprise, and hoped he didn't feel me tense up so suddenly. It's not that I didn't welcome the physical contact, it just...it caught me off guard. That's all. It was a simple, friendly hug, and only lasted a few quick seconds. But to me it felt like an hour. My insides were turning to mush and I could feel my heartbeat begin to race. He smelled soooo good. He had this really arousing scent about him, like warm freshly baked bread, mixed with that sugary boyish aroma that only the most gorgeous creatures on Earth seem to possess. By the time he let me go, I was twice as insane over him as I was before.

"Come in. I am learning everything today. Cooking, register, everything. More than just cleaning." He said. He seemed to be in a cheerful mood, and it lifted the tone of voice just slightly...making it even more angelic than before. His Grecian accent was so charming. I could listen to him talk for hours. He could read names out of a PHONE BOOK and I'd be swooning just the same. "Have a seat. I will get you a menu, ok?"

"Yeah..." I nodded. When he turned around to grab some menus from behind the counter, I felt myself let out a huge sigh of relief. Probably the same breath that I had been holding since the hug he gave me. Ok, Shane...so far, so good. Just...maintain some form of normality for right now, and we'll figure out a way to say something somewhat intelligent by the end of the day. Promise.

Deme came back with a menu to give me, and then sat, interested, at the other side of the table. I tilted the menu down a bit to look over the top, and Deme was watching me with a grin. He was so anxious to cook something special for me. Hehehe, I couldn't help but to smile to myself.

"You look like you're enjoying this already." I said.

"Yes, well, I need more practice. I want to make something good for you."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. What do you want me to cook?" He asked.

"Hehehe, I don't know. Me and my mom always get the same stuff when we come in." I was starting to reach a moment of comfort here. A level where I could stop being so damn lovestruck for a few heartbeats and put a sentence together without tripping over my own tongue. But it was an unstable reality. Looking him in the eye for even a split second was enough to weaken the barriers around my ability to hide my infatuation. "Um...geez..." I said, feeling a blush come to my cheeks.

"What is it?"

"I can't...really pronounce half of this stuff." The moment I said it, I heard Deme's chair scoot back a little, and he stood up to walk around to my side of the table. I watched him, and that weird panic came back to me again, threatening to rattle me to pieces. He stood behind my chair and leaned down to look at the menu with me. He was close. So close. My breath got caught up in my throat, and I could feel my chest trembling like a cold puppy.

"Which ones? I will help you." His head was directly over my shoulder, his face right next to mine, almost cheek to cheek. Oh God...I am totally LOSING it here!

"Um...well...uhhh..." I wasn't even LOOKING at the menu! I was too busy trying to see as much of Deme as I could out of the corner of my eye. I don't think I've ever been this close for this long. "...How...how about this one?" I said, pointing to a random selection on the menu. Just to get some breathing room.

"Keftedes?" He said, accent perfect.

"Um...yeah." I mumbled, turning my head to look at his face. He was so close, his smooth, dark cream colored, skin, his soft lips...I had only taken a glance when he turned his head. Our eyes only met for a half second and I looked back at the menu as quickly as possible. "Sure...that one. What is it?"

"Balls." He said.

"What???"

"Meatballs. Deep fried." He answered. Okaaaay, so maybe that wasn't the best 'random' choice on the menu. "Are you sure? I can cook something harder than that."

"Well...I don't know." I was still trying to catch my breath. If only he knew how much inner activity was going on inside of me at that very moment. I don't know HOW I was able to function at all. "Why don't you pick something?" I said, and his chocolate brown eyes glided over to meet mine, his alluring smile spreading slightly wider on his face.

"Do you like chicken?" We were almost face to face, eye contact and all, and I could feel my emotions being roughly tugged in his direction.

"Yeah...I like chicken." I could smell a hint of his shampoo carried by the silken locks of his hair. And could almost see my reflection in his wondrous eyes, which had this effortless beauty that has to be seen to be believed.

"Ok, then. I will make you chicken. I have a recipe in mind. It is my father's. K?" He said.

"Uh huh..." I nodded timidly. So lost in his eyes that I couldn't find the power to turn away from them. Not even for normality's sake.

"Good. I will start it now." Deme said, and his head disappeared from over my shoulder as he stood back up. He had NO idea what he was doing to me. The innocent charm of that fact only made me want him more. "I will return." He went behind the counter and went into the back towards the kitchen. There I was, left alone, quivering with a crush that was forever tightening its grip on me. I didn't DARE let my thoughts wander to sex! I'd be done for sure if I did that! Besides, while he was standing in front of me, any sexual thoughts would have only succeeded in making me miss one of the little details of Deme that my heart was so desperately searching for. Little things. Things that hadnothing to do with sex whatsoever. I have NEVER felt like this before in my life. It's so strange, but I'm loving every minute of it.

The time that I spent sitting there by myself, I kept trying to occupy my mind before the doubts and the fears crept back in. I wouldn't be beyond running out of that restaurant before Deme came back if the coward in me put up enough of a fuss. Of that, I was certain. But I didn't want that. That would be the WORST thing that I could possibly do in this situation! So, instead...I twiddled my thumbs, kept myself balanced, and waited for Deme to come back with his special gift for the day.

That's when I saw Milo come out of the kitchen. "Shane! My boy, how are you?"

"Great, Milo. How about you?"

"Ahh, I'll be alright. You know Dimitry is learning to cook now. So I have to watch, every minute. It is a headache. He wants to cook everything, this boy. Now he begs me to let him fill all of the orders for me. I can't cook anything myself anymore, he won't let me." Milo said, grabbing a washcloth to wipe off the tables around me. "I suppose Deme took your order already?"

"Yeah." I answered. "Actually, he's cooking lunch for me today."

"You SEE? I tell you, that boy has gone 'chef crazy'! He'd cook for the whole Roman ARMY if he had a chance. Well, I hope you like it. He's a bit 'new' at it." He laughed a bit, a hazy smoker's laugh, and rubbed me on the top of my head with a smile as he walked into the back again.

Deme came back out shortly afterward and sat across from me again. I was determined to not make a fool of myself, so I tightened up my stomach and tried hard to 'ground' myself. "Ok, I start it already. I know you will like it. Is very good." He used his fingertips to brush some of his hair out of his eyes in the most adorable way possible, and smiled in my direction. I was already beginning to melt again.

"So...are you liking it here so far?" I asked. That was 'normal' enough, right?

"Yes, very much. It's very quiet here. Not like my old neighborhood. Much noise, all the time."

"Ahhh...well...good." I was already running out of stuff to say when Milo called Deme from the kitchen.

"Deme! You have to keep an eye on what you are cooking. You cannot leave it to burn."

"Papa, it's ok. I am watching."

"How are you watching when you are in the other room?"

"I am talking to my friend." He said, and my ears perked up immediately. Awww, he called me his friend. My heart was soaring.

"It is going to burn if you leave it to sit." Milo wasn't going to let it go, and I could see Dimitry give in with an annoyed roll of his eyes. Even when he was being pouty, he was cute. Maybe even more so. But his smile returned pretty swiftly as he stood up from the table.

"I am sorry, Shane. I have to go back and take care of your lunch. I'll be RIGHT back though, ok? Don't go away." He said, and all I could do was nod and promise that I wouldn't move. I watched him as he walked into the back, his fluent Greek trading shots back and forth with Milo as they further 'discussed' the importance of the situation. I think it might have taken me a few seconds to let it sink in...but then I thought to myself...wow...Deme was actually trying to spend time with me. That thought truly made me giddy with emotion.

He came back out moments later, peeking around the corner, "Do you want something to drink, Shane?"

"Ok."

"Mountain Dew. Yes?"

Awww, he remembered. "Mountain Dew. Sure." He looked around, like he was sneaking out of the kitchen again, and grabbed me a glass with some ice, and a can of soda. Then he ran over and brought it to me. "It won't take too long. I'll cook it fast for you, but good." I smiled up at him and he smiled back. That's when Milo called out to him and he hurried back into the kitchen. By this time, my knees were knocking under the table and I was trying hard not to giggle myself silly. How can I not be in love with this boy? How can anybody not be totally in love with this boy? He was amazing, he was cute, he was sweet...yeah...yeah, that's a bit too good to be true. Isn't it?

It was at that point, that I could feel my giddy little grin fade a bit, falling almost into a frown. What if he has somebody? I mean, he MUST have a girlfriend somewhere! They must have been a few sexual impulses short of RAPING him in his old neighborhood. Even if he didn't like girls and was 100% gay...there's no WAY that another gay boy would have passed him up on the street without having said something. Not in a million years. I'd tell the whole damn WORLD I was gay on the six o'clock news if it meant being with a beauty like Dimitry! So...whether he's straight or gay...neither one means he's available to me. This is all in my head, isn't it? I mean, he writes POETRY for God's sake! People go crazy over sensitive stuff like that! Oh God...what happens if I've made the mistake of getting all gaga over somebody else's boyfriend? It's like I can feel the heartbreak already. Arrrgh!

"It is not cold enough?" Deme was standing right over my shoulder again. I hadn't even heard him enter the room again.

"The soda? No, no it's fine." I tried organizing my thoughts in a way that pushed past the emotion. Maybe I can find out if this is a waste of my time or not. I know it's going to hurt to hear that he has somebody, but even if I only have a one percent chance at getting so much as a kiss from him...it's better than nothing, right? "So..." I started, and it caught his attention immediately. Exactly how am I gonna ask him THIS particular question and not sound creepy? Should I just draw a picture of a penis and a vagina on the placemat and tell him to point to one? Somehow that doesn't seem like the most 'tactful' answer to me. "...Did you register for school yet?" Good save. Cowardly and completely off topic, but good.

"No, not yet. I will go in tomorrow to get the paperwork to fill out. I'm not too anxious, however. I like my days off."

"Yeah, I can imagine.” I said. “So..." Ok, Shane, let's find a way to bring this around to the all important question. Not too fast, but let's just see what we can find out without really saying anything obvious here. "...Aren't you gonna miss your old school?"

"A little, maybe. Some of my old friends will keep in touch, but the rest I will have to leave behind." He said, then adding, "And I will really miss Samantha. I hope she will come to visit some time. You would like her."

That was it, wasn't it? The nail in the coffin. I did my best not to look disappointed, but I could almost feel my heart deflating right there in front of him as the words left his mouth. "Oh...is she your girlfriend?" I mumbled.

Deme gave me the strangest look. Then after a slight pause, he smiled. "No. No, she is not my girlfriend." I wonder if he knew that I was trying to 'feel him out' with that question. "Samantha used to read my poetry and give me criticism. She was my writing partner, I guess." His almond brown eyes looked at me for a quick moment longer, not blinking, when Milo called him.

"Deme! Are you talking again? You have to turn off the noodles before the water runs over into the stove." Deme stood up with a smile.

"Coming, Papa." And this time he walked back to the kitchen, taking a glance or two at me over his shoulder. Shit...did I blow it? He knows, doesn't he? 'Oh...is she your girlfriend?' What kind of STUPID ass question is that to ask another boy? What am I, mentally deficient? Stupid! He's probably back there laughing at my awkward attempts to figure him out. Sighhh...way to go, Romeo.

He didn't come back out of the kitchen for the next five minutes or so. The whole time, my mind reeling with thoughts of what he must be thinking of me at that very moment. By the time he had come out with my lunch on a tray, I was almost at the point of sneaking out and never coming back. "Ta daaa! Lunch is served." He said.

It was a little burned on the edges, but still looked pretty good. Chicken and pasta, not bad at all. "Cool. It looks great, Deme."

"I hope you like." He said, and then watched as I cut a piece to take my first bite. It smelled good, it looked good, and the taste....the taste...?

You know those involuntary wrinkled up faces you make when you taste something that's 'not so great'? Yeah, well I nearly sprained every muscle in my head trying to hold those faces back. Not that it was AWFUL, mind you...just not...well it wasn't...ok it was awful. Hehehe!

But I'll be damned if I tell HIM that. "You like?" He asked.

It was salty and bitter, but that didn't stop me from smiling wide and saying..."Mmm-Hmm. It's...pretty good." I tried to chew it up and swallow it down as fast as I could to spare my tastebuds the prolonged torture. I even cut up another small piece to further prove that I liked it, drowning the flavor out with a mouthful of the noodles. Which were all stuck together in one big clump. Still, the smile on his face was reward enough for me biting into it.

"Good! It is my first time making this one."

"Really?" I said with my mouth still full and reaching for my Mountain Dew before the salt choked me to death. "I can barely tell."

"If you like, I can bring you soup or something?"

"No no...this is fine. Really." I assured him, and he walked back into the kitchen with a smile. I looked down at the plate, and immediately thought of places to hide the rest of this food. Under the table, in a few hundred little napkins, hell...I'd shovel it all into my SHOE and walk out with it if I thought he wouldn't notice. Where the hell is a hungry DOG when you need one?

Unfortunately, he came out again before I could think of a game plan. He sat across from me again, and we talked...while I struggled to finish every last bite of the lunch he made for me. Don't tell ME I'm not dedicated to love! But...ummm...note to self...

Deme and I go ELSEWHERE to eat from this day forward.

I finished my meal, and as a few more customers came in, filling up two or three of the tables in the restaurant to eat, with constant take out orders being called in, I saw Deme getting busy. He tried repeatedly to sit down and talk to me, but he had to answer the phone and ring on the register and check on the other tables. As flattering as it was, I didn't want to get him too distracted. And I CERTAINLY didn't want him to offer to make me dessert! So I decided that I should wrap this up. "You guys are getting busy now, huh?"

"Yes, a little bit. But is no problem."

"Just get back to work, slacker." I joked. "Throw me the check and I'll be out of your hair."

"No check."

"What? Come on..." I said, reaching in my pocket.

"No no no...no check. It was 'practice'. And it was special something...for my new friend, Shane." He said, and despite the taste of salt in my mouth, shriveling my tongue up like a prune, I felt myself become a big blob of gelatin again right in front of him.

"O-o-ok. Thanks, Deme..." I knew I was blushing. There was no way to stop it now. I paused, not knowing what else to say. I was looking into his eyes, and they were practically beaming back at me. I was a deer in headlights. He could tell that I was stuck for words, because it looked like he was really waiting for me to say something more. But it was SO hard to look at that face and not be terrified to talk to him. "I...I should get going."

"You are leaving, then?" He said.

"Um...yeah. I'm gonna go. But, we'll talk soon, ok?"

"Ok. I will see you soon." Deme walked over to give me another hug. A bit tighter than last time, his young muscles holding me closer to him than ever before. This time, my mind was able to absorb even more of the affectionate embrace.

"Later." I said, backing up and heading towards the door in a dreamy stupor. "Thanks for lunch." I waved a little, and saw him go back to work as I left. I couldn't help but watch him through the window as I walked past it. This time, though...he looked up in time to catch me. It startled me enough to almost make me stumble out into traffic just to get away from him. I'm SO damn goofy! What, am I going to KILL myself now? Stupid. I gathered my senses and was able to cross the street without looking back this time. I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to do next, but this was a lot more than I expected. And it was happening a lot faster too. I kind of thought it would take me months of tension, cowardly antics, and regret, before I could even get a boy like Dimitry to TALK to me. That would almost be preferable. Because I'd have time to move in slowly and do this the 'safe' way, all while naturally developing the skills needed to handle something like this. But now? Now I feel like I'm jumping in blindfolded and hoping there's some water in the pool beneath me.

Still, whether I survive the 'landing' or not...the freefall downward is pure bliss. Pure bliss.

I got home, opening the backdoor and hoping for some privacy. But I could hear Arianna Grande blasting loudly out of my sister's room. Wonderful. So much for having quiet time to reflect. I went to her room and saw her friends Stephanie and Amy sitting on her bed, bouncing away to the music. "Do you girls think you can turn that down a little bit?"

"Wait til after this song." Sarah whined.

It wasn't worth the battle. I just figured, 'whatever', and walked to the bathroom to brush some of that salty chicken out of my teeth. But when I had gotten the toothbrush out and looked at myself in the mirror, I got this little painful jab right in the heart of my self confidence. Just looking at myself, the freckles, the red hair, it was all so different from the image that I had seen of myself this morning. Sighhhh....love. It's one of those confidence crushing 'boogie men' that brings even your smallest insecurities to the surface and magnifies them by infinity. It's just something that you have to ignore sometimes. I don't even know if I should be using the word 'love' at this point. It didn't feel like it was a word that I should adopt just yet considering everything the fact that everything was happening so fast. This was just a crush, right? A great, big, fat, stupid crush. I'll get over it soon, and then I'll be able to work on the whole 'love' thing later. Hopefully with a little more skill and a little less bumbling.

I spent the next two hours in my room, trying to mentally block out Sarah's music and the cackling of preteen girls in a 'gaggle' like a cluster or coked up geese on a holiday. NOT an easy thing to do, mind you. Still, I should have welcomed the distraction from me kicking myself over all the things I did 'wrong' while being around Deme today. I think too much anyway.

I was trying to tune my sister out, but you have no idea how many times a female 7th grader can giggle and scream in a five minute period alone. And if you multiply that by three, my sister and her friends were driving me up a wall and they weren't even in the ROOM! It was a blessing when I heard the doorbell ring. If nothing else, it got me a few feet further away from my sister's ruckus for a few peaceful seconds.

I walked over to the door and opened it...not at ALL prepared to see Deme standing outside. I didn't even have time to PANIC. "Hey..." I whispered.

"You don't mind that I came by? I didn't know how to call you first." He said.

"No..." The only reason that I was able to think of inviting him in was because the screen door was filtering out some of that infinite beauty that I was so hungry to be drowned in again. So I opened the door and asked him in.

I guess he was done working for the day, holding his apron folded up in his arms, and two of his notebooks, with pens slid into the spiral binding of them at both ends. "I am off work, I thought I might come by and apologize for earlier."

"Apologize? For what?"

"Papa tells me I am not such a good cook. We had some...'complaints' today." He blushed with a smile. "But he is training me to be better. I hope I did not poison you too badly." I didn't know what to say. "It wasn't that bad, was it?"

"Bad? No way. It was...um..." I tried not to look him in the eye. "...very eatable."

He looked directly at me, and giggled a bit to himself. "You lie."

"No, really..." Give it up, Shane. You've been caught.

"Yes. You lie. But is very sweet." We stood there for a moment, and he seemed to have the cutest bashful habits of anyone that I had ever known. Then he brushed his hair back a little and said, "I will make it up to you some other way, some time. We'll go out somewhere and have fun. My treat."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Besides, you said you would show me around, remember?" He said softly.

"I said that?"

"You said that. Yes."

"Well...then I guess I should keep my word, huh?" How hard was I blushing? He's blushing, but am I worse off than he is? This is too cool! We're talking and smiling and...wow, I feel like I'm gonna explode!

"Papa suggested that, maybe since we are going to the same school, I could go with you tomorrow when I get papers to register. I wanted to come by and ask you."

"Um...sure...I usually ride my bike over in about five minutes time from here." I told him. But I'd ride extra slow, or even WALK, if I had Dimitry by my side. "Do you have a bike?"

"I have one, yes."

"Cool. Well, I'll wait for you tomorrow morning then. I promise you, I'm NOT gonna leave without ya." Boy, was THAT ever the truth.

"Good. It is settled then."

Just then, I heard a blast of music fill the hallway, and my sister's friend Stephanie came out of the bedroom to grab some juice from the fridge. She walked through the living room in her sock feet, hardly noticing that there were two bodies in the room instead of one. But when she caught a glimpse of Deme, she did a double take. Her eyes screamed open. You would have thought Justin Bieber had burst into the house half naked the way she reacted. I think she was trying to contain herself, but 12 year old girls, obviously, aren't very good at it.

Not that I could claim to be much better.

Always polite, Deme softly mumbled, "Hello."

"Hi..." Stephanie said, eyes still wide. "Excuse me for a minute..." She practically ran back into the bedroom and slammed the door shut. Hehehe, don't worry Steph...I know the feeling.

"My sister's friends...psh!"

"Ah, yes. Sarah. Right?"

"Yeah. She's just having some friends over today, and it's not worth the effort to toss them out. Usually they...." But before I could finish, the door to Sarah's room violently flung itself open, and all three girls came spilling out like a troop of soldiers at morning reveille. Pretending to go to the fridge, but at the same time, looking hard around the corner to see this fancy young man that Stephanie had 'reported' back to them about. Their cheeky grins and infatuated gazes were SO over exagerrated! I was embarrassed beyond belief.

"Hiiii..." They all said in unison, giggling right afterward. I shot Sarah a dirty look, but she was too instantly obsessed to care.

Sarah walked up to Deme and stuck out a hand, "I'm Sarah. I'm Shane's sister." She whimpered nervously, her smile gleaming as brightly as it possibly could.

"Sarah, yes. Hello. I brought you cookies the other day. Milo always says to send them special for you." He shook her hand, and I saw all three girls simultaneously sway with an enamored blush. Amy had to practically hold herself up on the wall, her braces almost blinding me with the reflection of the light.

"Hehehehehehehe...thank you." Sarah was reduced to a mound of jello, and pulled her hand back as she backed up against the wall.

"Omigod..." Stephanie whispered, and with a few more seconds of shameless perving over him, they all said 'bye' and scampered back into their room. But not before hearing Steph faintly yell out, "I love you!" That caused them all to burst out laughing and they slammed the door behind them.

Deme used his hand to cover his face a little bit and chuckled timidly at their assault. I felt so BAD! I really did!

"Deme, I'm so sorry, dude. My sister's an idiot." I said.

"Don't worry. It is ok. She is very sweet too. Like her brother, Shane." He grinned. "So, I will see you tomorrow then, yes?"

"Eight AM."

"I will be here." Just then, Amy came out of the bedroom with her digital camera, and took a surprise picture of us! The flash was like the brightest thing I've ever seen in my LIFE at that moment. The other two girls were peeking around the corner, and laughed out loud as soon as the pic was snapped. I was ready to chase them all down and beat the living shit out of them for being so rude!

"Dammit...SARAH!!!" I shouted as they made a hasty retreat back into their room. "KNOCK IT OFF!!!" I couldn't believe them!

"I feel like a rock star now." Dimitry's blush and sheepish laugh was so adorable that I couldn't hold onto the anger and humiliation of my sister acting like such a nut! He was handling all of this extremely well. "I am going home. I have to help my father finish setting up the house a bit more. And next weekend we are going to paint the last room. It should be done soon." Then he said, "When it is finished, maybe you will come over?"

"I'd like that." I said, my heart fluttering again. I must admit, this conversation thing was getting easier. Not by MUCH, mind you...but easier.

"Good. I will see you later, k?" And he gave me ANOTHER hug! God, his hugs were getting to be so addictive. Holding him, his head on my right shoulder...it was so cool. Then, he leaned back a bit, looked at me, and hugged me again. This time resting his chin on my other shoulder. I was on the verge of a heart attack at this point. "Bye, Shane."

"Bye..." I squeaked, my voice cracking from the pressure on my already rattled nerves. "Ahem...I mean...bye." He grinned and walked out with a wave.

I shut the door behind him, growing a bulge in my pants for seemingly no reason at all. Not even from the slightest sexual thought, it was just touching him that had done it. And I nearly jumped a full foot in the air when the door to Sarah's room burst open yet AGAIN, and they all came pouring into the room to watch Deme leave. I turned slightly away from them to hide my excitement, but I doubt they were paying me much attention at all.

They crushed themselves against the window, trying to see my fantasy boy walk away. All I could hear was, 'Omigod', and 'He's soooo CUTE', and 'Did you hear his accent???', and 'Aww, don't go! Come back, baby!' All this, between girlish giggles and nearly orgasmic sighs and whimpers.

Sarah turned around to finally acknowledge me, "What's his name?"

"You guys...I swear..." I said, frustrated at them for being so stalkerish.

"Come ON, Shane! Just tell me his name!" That of course led to a chorus of all three of them chanting it over and over again until I caved in to shut them up.

"It's DIMITRY! Alright? You HAPPY now???"

"Dimitry...sighhh...."

"Deme, for short." I told them, and that only made things worse.

"Deme??? Omigod, that's so hot! Deme..." Sarah squealed.

Amy chirped in with, "I think I'm in love!" And it was around that time that I had had enough. I just shook my head and walked away while they sat around and 'girl talked' their way around Deme's every alluring feature and enchanting aura. I shut the door to my room and turned my music on. I was hoping to block out some of their cries and giggles. I was hoping that I wouldn't have to hear ANY of it. But...deep down inside, I guess I was jealous. Really jealous. Because they got to be so open about it. Because they got to swoon in public and make an ass out of themselves without being seen as weird or 'abnormal'. Because...they got the chance to show Deme that they were interested.

And I didn't.

Something about that fact just cut me up inside. It really did. Adding a sprinkle of depression to my building aggravation.

It looks like the boy of my dreams has a fan club. A pathetically, hopelessly, unbelievably lost ,fan club. And you know what the sad part is?

I'm probably twice as lost as they are.